Spaceman by Brian Azzarello, Eduardo Risso

Rating: WARTY!

With utility art by Eduardo Risso, this hardback graphic novel had looked interesting on the library shelf, but as soon as I began reading it, I realized it made little sense and it was obvious I'd made a wrong choice here!

The story began with an introductory news item about a scientist who had illegally bred children to be biologically kitted-out for a trip to Mars. How they were supposed to be so well-adapted was never explained, but apparently the way to breed a person for a Mars trip is to make them look like a caveman - and not even a Neanderthal, but some weird large breed that had long skinny legs, a weight-lifter sized chest and a relatively tiny skull with a pointy dome and brow ridges. They were exclusively male of course, because Darwin forbid we should have any females going to Mars! It is the god of war's planet after all! The women can all be packed off to Venus, right?!

For as little sense as that made, it made more sense than the rest of the story put together - at least as far as I read, which was about halfway before I gave up in disgust. All the characters spoke a weird-ass pigeon English which simply didn't work. It made half of what they said unintelligible, but I guess at least that kept it in line with the story itself which was apparently about some young girl being kidnapped. The story alternated between hairy Mars men on Earth, one of whom found the kidnapped girl accidentally, but never did turn her in to the police, and hairy Mars men apparently on Mars. I saw absolutely no connection whatsoever between these two stories - not in the part I read anyway. I had no idea whatsoever what was going on in the Mars portion of the story.

Though there were surprisingly few of them in this boys' fantasy, every adult or near-adult female who appeared in it was sexualized in the typical adolescent comic-book fashion, including the news reader at the start whose only appearance was one frame of her torso, leaning her ample and exposed cleavage into the camera's greedy eye. There was some sort of sex worker who was barely dressed, but this was not only when she was performing as might be expected, but also in every other appearance. Apparently she spent her life in her skivvies, day and night, indoors and out. It was pathetic.

Even had there been a coherent story it would not have excused this antiquated approach to femininity. This comic was published within the last decade so it looks like we have a hell of a long way to go, doesn't it? I dis-recommend this one.

Before Watchmen: Comedian/Rorschach by Brian Azzarello

Title: Before Watchmen: Comedian/Rorschach
Author: Brian Azzarello
Publisher: DC Comics
Rating: worthy

Illustrators: J.G. Jones, Lee Bermejo

Before Watchmen: Comedian was issued in six installments, written by Brian Azzarello with art by J. G. Jones. The Comedian is really Edward Morgan Blake, and it's his violent murder which kicks off the Watchmen story. Blake starts out his crime-fighting life at the tender age of 16, and even then he was ruthless and mercenary. He's first depicted, having beaten up an entire bar-room full of trouble-makers, stealing pickled eggs and helping himself to the contents of the cash register in that same bar.

It seems that all-too-many of the Watchmen were subject to abuse as children, and Blake is no different, but this story contradicts the story told in Watchmen - that Blake assassinated John Kennedy from the grassy knoll. The original Watchmen depicted him as a hitman for Richard Nixon, whereas this story portrays him as a friend of the Kennedys, who assasinated Marilyn Monroe on orders from JFK's wife, Jackie Kennedy.

Before Watchmen: Rorschach came out in four comic book issues, written by Brian Azzarello, with art by Lee Bermejo. Walter Joseph Kovacs was the son of a prostitute - and one who really didn’t care much to have him around - especially when she was working. Before his teens, he was removed from his mother's 'care' and placed in a home for problem children where he appeared to flourish. At sixteen he found work in a dress shop, and it was here that he picked up his face mask.

Rorschach's first case was investigating the murder of Kitty Genovese, although the writer here gets his facts wrong about what really happened to her. In the end it's Rorschach's failure to rescue a kidnaped child, and his discovery that she had been killed and fed to a pair of dogs flipped him over to the dark side. This was depicted in Watchmen in a flashback. From that point on, Rorschach simply killed thugs instead of turning them over to the cops, as he had been doing. When vigilantes were rendered outlaws by the passing of the Keene Act, Rorschach made clear his opinion of it by murdering a rapist and dumping his body at police station a with a note attached reading "Never".