Showing posts with label boring. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boring. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Fellside by MR Carey

Rating: WARTY!

I can't say a whole heck of a lot about this because I made it only through the first four chapters and had to go the the ER because I almost died of boredom. (Would I make this stuff up?)

The book is some five hundred pages long and I could not bear the thought of reading five hundred pages of something that barely moved an inch in four chapters. On top of that it was a first person voice, which to me is usually worst person. On top of that it was your usual trope, "I woke up in hospital and forgot my memory."

This girl is a drug user, and somehow her apartment set on fire and the young kid upstairs (whose mother ought to be prosecuted for leaving him home alone) died from smoke inhalation. The girl is charged with murder (I kid you not), found guilty and sent to jail at...Fellside!

Now you know everything, including the fact that she's more than likely, if trope holds, innocent and will be found so at some point in the story, so what's to surprise the reader? I don't know! Maybe something, but I lost interest in hanging around to find out. Why didn't the author simply start the story in jail and skip the first four chapters? I might have read a bit further then.

The girl was so whiny and self-pitying that I was actually glad when she got sent down. That's one less boring person for the rest of us to have to contend with. But seriously, no, I could not stand the thought of reading any more about her, not when there are so many other books waiting to thrill me and so little time that I know I will never get to them all. So based on what I did read, I can't recommend it. I couldn't commend it in the first place, so how can I re-commend it if I never commended it to begin with? No one would ask these questions if it were not for me!

I don't know if this will do you guys any good, but I can't stand the thought of saying nothing and risking having one of you become infected with this. Maybe it will warn some of you away from a book that would bore you to death, so I can feel happy that I might be saving lives with this review! Yeay me!

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Any Way The Wind Blows by E Lynn Harris

Rating: WARTY!

This was an audio book from the library, and it was read amateurishly by Dominic Hoffman, Bahni Turpin, and Mirron Willis.

Singer Yancey Harrington Braxton, aka Yancey B is in LA, her New York wedding to John "Basil" Henderson having been killed off at the last minute. Her first single "Any Way the Wind Blows" contains secrets about Basil, and Bart Dunbar might know what they are.

That's the sad plot of this absurd and pathetic effort at drama. First person PoV is the worst voice choice for most stories, and it's made much worse when its multiplied by three. It's worst still when it's read by people who don't even remotely capture the characters they're reading for, and instead make them irritating to listen to instead of interesting.

Yancey was one of the most boring and self-centered characters I've ever encountered. It was a actually a pleasure when someone else took over the narrative, but he was worse than Yancey. After listening to one disk of this audio book I had had more than enough. It was awful and I cannot recommend it. Twenty years ago, bisexuality might have been a big secret, but today you need more than that to be your novel's pivot point. Add unsafe sex proudly championed, and these characters are really nothing more than trash and not even recyclable trash.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler

Title: The Jane Austen Book Club
Author: Karen Joy Fowler
Publisher: Listen and Live
Rating: WARTY!

This was read by Kimberly Schraf and not very well, either, although to be fair, she had a much better delivery than that of a Brick through an electric sheep.

This novel was so bad that I couldn't even get through the first CD. I'm sure there are people who enjoy this kind of thing, but I am not, nor will I ever be one of them. These characters were uninteresting, snotty, bratty, clueless, pointless people, who boast abuse of women and genderism amongst their "virtues", and who had nothing to offer me. Their lives were normal to the point of being tedious, and if I want to listen to people like that, or hear of their lives, I only have to stop work and sit and pay attention to everyone around me, and I can get all I want. I really don't want more of that in a novel which I read for escapism!

There was not a single character I cared about, or was interested in, and I sure-as-hell didn't need to listen to their tiresome, ordinary histories. I could not find anything redeeming at all on that first disk; there was nothing in which to develop even a mild or passing interest, and since I was headed for the library, to turn in other books I'd actually read and enjoyed, I simply ejected this one with them.

I think the cover says it all, and that little yellow star? That indicates it's a pariah even in its own country. I don't know what the hell these people use as a definition for "major motion picture", but it seems to me that the fact that the movie completely, disastrously, and dismally bombed is more than sufficient indication of the level this novel is at, no matter what kind of a "best seller" it was supposed to have been. Time to say the te deum (pronounced t-e-d-i-u-m) and move on.

Note that, out of respect for Jane Austen, and to make up for this sorry volume, I will review Austen's Lady Susan on audio book forthwith, if not third with.