Burned by Melissa F Miller

Rating: WARTY!

I have to ask: is there a template out there online somewhere that lazy authors can download to use, so they don't have to try and think of anything original? Do they just feed in their main character's name, find some love interest, and then the template slots the names into all the blank spaces and does all the work? Because these stories are so cookie-cutter that it's embarrassing - or it would be were I to try writing one that wasn't intended to be a parody.

Here we go: "After her cover is blown, CIA operative Olivia goes on the run — both from foreign enemies and her own government. Her only hope may be a former Navy SEAL with a dark past...." Of course it is, because she's fucking useless without a man. Just call her 'Maiden', call her rescuer 'Saint George', and call the CIA 'Codename Dragon', and you have it. Yawn. This book should definitely be burned.

Hidden Path by Melissa F Miller

Rating: WARTY!

"After arriving at a remote Buddhist monastery for a silent retreat, forensic pathology consultant Dr Bodhi King is shocked to discover a dead body hidden in the surrounding cornfields. But when Bodhi stumbles across the murder weapons concealed deep within the monastery, he'll need to rely on his expertise to crack the gruesome case." Why? Are the local police utterly worthless? And Bodhi? Really? What's his first name? Dead? Cheyenne? How the hell is any investigation going to be conducted in a silent monastery? By sign language? By written responses? Thanks, but no thanks! They should make a musical movie of this - one where the monastery forbids speaking, but not singing.