Misty Haze...um...Hayes? Seriously? The plot here is that "Years ago, Zoey was found in the woods after wandering away from home - with no memory of how she got there. When she learns the impossible truth of what happened, Zoey's world is turned upside down" Impossible truth? Upside down? No wonder it's a misty haze novel. No. definitely not.
Friday, August 13, 2021
The Demon Seekers by John Shors
From a USA Today bestselling author who still evidently needs to unload his work at a discount: "A century after aliens turned Earth into a barren wasteland, 17-year-old Tasia hunts the monsters who destroyed her planet." Seventeen? Seriously? What qualifies her to do this? Of course, the gung-ho crew at Kirkus claim it's "An exhilarating tale with an engaging protagonist that will have readers eagerly anticipating sequels." Not me. I'm not even anticipating the first volume. Barf.
Feyland: The Complete Series by Anthea Sharp
"A complete series of mesmerizing fantasies from a USA Today bestselling author! Dive into the realm of Feyland" I won't touch a book in which the author doesn't have the guts to call them fairies! This author is even more chickenshit than that, and doesn't even use fae! She's off with 'fey' which is a different word altogether.
No Love Like Nantucket by Grace Palmer
"After her brother's tragic death..." what death isn't tragic? Seriously? "...fiftysomething inn owner Toni struggles to process her grief. When she leaves Nantucket for a trip overseas, will she finally discover the person she's meant to be? A poignant story of love, loss, and second chances." What second chance? Does she find a new brother? Seriously? If Nan took it, she ain't gonna get it back.... Maybe her Pa took it?
Wired by Evelyn Adams
"Billionaire Luke is used to getting what he wants" Why is the billionaire always named Luke?! "He wants sassy, strong-willed Claire. Sparks fly as they're caught in a steamy power struggle" Bullshit! Claire needs to be named Violet, as in wilting, because you know she's going to just collapse like a used condom. Strong-willed my ass.
Broken Promise by Linwood Barclay
"When widower David moves back to his hometown of Promise Falls, he stumbles into the mystery of a murdered mother's baby - whom his cousin has been raising as her own." Promise Falls, really? This a definite no.
The Nostradamus Equation by Christopher Cartwright
What did Nostradamus find on his perilous 1562 expedition into the desert? Modern-day adventurer Sam Reilly follows Dr. Zara Delacroix to the Sahara in search of an ancient text that holds the answer" Nostradamus was a delusional 16th century asshole. "A riveting, action-packed read!" Doubtful.
Stay Gold by Tobly McSmith
"When Pony starts at a new high school, he plans to fly under the radar and keep his trans identity hidden." Pony? Seriously? As in hung like a horse? Neigh.
Serenade by Heather McKenzie
"All her life, Kaya has been closely guarded - supposedly sheltered from her father’s enemies. It’s not until she’s kidnapped by Luke that she experiences freedom for the first time." Seriously? Kidnapping is a good thing? This author is dangerously delusional. The book description continues: "As she learns the truth about her family, she faces her growing feelings for Luke, who has his own secret." This is all kinds of wrong, so no. Definitely no.
When Maidens Mourn by CS Harris
This one is out because it has 'sleuth' in the book description, but the blurb has it that: "In 19th-century England, a woman studying the legend of King Arthur is murdered - and sleuth Sebastian St Cyr sets out to unravel the intriguing case" How is it intriguing? And that name? Is it supposed to be pronounced 'sincere'? Sebastian Sincere?! Really? No. No. No. And that title? Maidens? Really?
The Moneychangers by Arthur Hailey
"Bank owner Ben Roselli is dying — and his executive VPs are in a ruthless competition to assume control." And poor deceased Arthur isn't going to get a penny of that sale price....
Deeper Than the Dead and Choosers of the Slain by Who Cares, Really?
These two titles ought to be sold as a pair based purely on their titles.
Deeper Than the Dead by Tami Hoag claims to be a New York Times bestseller. If so, why is it being flogged at discount rates on a book flyer? Hmm! The description says, "Three children and a young teacher make a horrifying discovery in their seemingly idyllic town: a corpse with its mouth and eyes glued shut. FBI profiler Vince hunts for the truth — but more victims might be found." More victims might be found? Oh my god! We'd better put this case on hold until we're sure no more victims will be found!
Meanwhile, in Choosers of the Slain by James H Cobb, "When Argentina launches an invasion to seize territory in Antarctica, Commander Amanda Garrett and the USS Cunningham must sail into hostile waters to stop them." Why? This is essentially nothing more than a rip-off of the actual hostilities between Argentina and the British some beers ago. Yawn.
Summer at Sea by Beth Labonte
"Trapped on a cruise ship with her parents, 26-year-old Summer goes looking for her future husband among the passengers. But her brother's best friend, Graham, has other ideas." You can bet your sweet ass he does! Seriously? This woman is only 26 yet she's desperately searching for a husband - like any guy will do as long as he's on this ship? How can a female author be so insulting to her own gender? This book is garbage from the concept onwards.
Crown of Crowns by Clara Loveman
I know what you're thinking. This is about a retired hitman who takes up dentistry and finds he's really good at capping teeth. But no. Sorry. The plot has it that: "When young noblewoman Kaelyn meets commoner Roki, they spark a life-changing connection - but their love is forbidden by law." Of course it is because this is Romeo and Juliet rip-off. Yawn. Game of Thrones rip-off - at least for the title if nothing else. Double yawn.
The Heart Has Its Reasons by MarÃa Dueñas
A book that has nothing to do with heart and everything to do with carnality and lust! "From a New York Times bestselling author" who despite all that, evidently has to hawk her books at a discount in a book flyer? I wonder why? The unoriginal plot has it that "After her husband of 20 years leaves her for another woman, college professor Blanca accepts a research position in California - where she is drawn into a world of passion, secrets, and self-discovery." This is a college-educated woman, and a teacher, who inexplicably waits until her husband leaves her before she even considers bringing passion and freshness into a relationship? Why would she be any more successful afterward than she was before with that mindset? Barf. I'll skip this one!
Trusting Aaron by Becca Jameson
"When virgin Hope flees her own wedding by diving into Aaron's car, she convinces him to take her to Denver - where he's opening a new BDSM club that she wants to explore. But can she handle the desires of an experienced dom like Aaron?" My guess is she'll step up like a champion. But a virgin? Really? And she runs out on her fiancé - at the wedding? It's not Aaron who has the trust issues. Sorry, but no. Unoriginal trash. I honestly think it would be a more interesting story if it explored whether 'Becca' is really a name.
Shadow of Cain by Vincent Bugliosi, Ken Hurwitz
It took two people to write this? "Serial murderer Raymond Lomak is about released from prison as a supposedly changed man." No. Just no. Ian Raymond Lomax is a cricketer, by the way. Just saying. Maybe Lomak was bats?
Pushing Up Daisies by Katherine Hayton
It's never a good idea to take the title of a wonderful and amusing TV murder series and use it for something else. The unoriginal plot here has it that, "When her boyfriend fails to show up for tea, fiftysomething widow Willow Foxglove" Willow Foxglove? Seriously? "...is a little disappointed - but her disappointment turns to horror when she finds his body in her garden! With the local authorities blaming her for the crime," Right because all murderers just leave their victims lying around in the yard. "...can Willow and her two best friends prove her innocence?" is that a serious question? Once again, it's not up to Willow to prove her innocence. It's up to the authorities to prove her guilt, which is going to be hard to do if she's not guilty. But her meddling and interfering will make her suspicious, not render her innocent. Another waste of time.
Shell Game by Sara Paretsky
"A USA Today bestseller from an author hailed as "a genius" (Lee Child)" This tells me I need never read a Lee Child novel because he thinks someone who evidently can't invent new characters and has to keep retreading a really old one is a genius? How low is his bar?! The plot has it that, "When a friend's nephew is accused of murder, sleuth VI Warshawski investigates - and uncovers a link to a stolen artifact with dangerous ties." What, are those railroad ties? I refuse to read any book with the world 'sleuth' in the description, or a claim to the effect that "Everyone will want to go along for this ride." No, you don't get to speak for me.
Invisible Girl by Lisa Jewell
"After Owen is drawn into insidious online forums," yep - it's a gambling forum. His name is Owen Munny.... "...the family across the street becomes suspicious — and then Owen is the last to see a vanished girl alive." Is this actually supposed to be a plot? I can't tell!
The Grilling Season by Diane Mott Davidson
"When caterer Goldy's ex-husband is accused of homicide, she must put down her spatula and pick up the case of a lifetime!" Why? Are the police on strike? Is Goldie gonna mix it up with the local mob? Crack a few eggs...er...heads? Yawn.
Paradise Bay: A Romantic Comedy Boxed Set by Melanie Summers
"Welcome to Paradise Bay, an island resort where three women find their lives changed forever. From a jilted bride discovering her wild side to a single mom getting her shot at happily ever after, this fun-filled collection offers a delightful escape." It apparently offers no escape from women being utterly dependent upon men to rescue them. And I'll bet there isn't even a box. I'll bet if you went there and demanded a box, the security guard would box your ears.
Melvin the Mouth by Katherine Blanc, Jeffrey Ebbeler
I'm not surprised Kirkus considers this "top-notch fun," as what appears to be Mel Blanc's daughter-in-law cashes in on her father-in-law's exceptional and unmatched voice talent, but if this isn't an audiobook, then what's up doc? Maybe it should be retitled "Milking Mel" or "Drawing a Blanc"? It's certainly not something I want to donate to.
Outfoxed by RJ Blain
"When a tornado strikes, shifter Jade is forced to take cover with one of the bounty hunters out to capture her." Oh look! The antagonists thrown together and have to get along. How original. Barf. Let me guess: first perosn voice, too?
Basics of Spellcraft by LC Mawson
"When Amelia discovers she has magical abilities, she's sent to Ember Academy for Young Witches to stay safe from the demons who are targeting her. As she struggles to access her powers and memories, danger lurks around every corner... Book one in an exciting fantasy series!" Of course it is! A magical person going to magical high school and telling the story as it happens in first person voice. Sooo original! No thanks!
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