Another book blurb fail! "When FBI profiler Karen Vail arrives in Honolulu to investigate a woman’s supposedly natural death, she finds herself hunting an elusive serial killer" What serial killer isn't elusive? That's why they're serial killers! Duhh! If they weren't elusive, they'd be caught before they could serially kill! Yawn.
Saturday, September 25, 2021
The Girl at the End of the World by Richard Levesque
That title is suspect to begin with, but it gets worse! "Scarlett Fisher leads an ordinary life - until catastrophe strikes across the globe, decimating the population and changing the world as we know it. As she navigates an apocalyptic wasteland..." Stop right there! How many times have people 'navigated an apocalyptic wasteland'? Far too many. This is tedious. Does the book blurb writer not understand that decimating literally means losing one in ten? Yes, it’s a catastrophe, but it still means there is well over six billion people remaining. Or does he or she simply need to retake English 101 before writing any more shitty blurbs? Yawn.
Resurrection Row by Anne Perry
"When disinterred corpses start appearing across London, inspector Thomas Pitt and his wife, Charlotte, must venture into the city's seedy underworld to solve the case" And his wife? Why exactly? Why would a Victorian man even consider involving his wife in such a ghoulish case? No. just no.
Up to Date by Susan Hatler
"Ginger is at an impasse - bored with her job and desperate to forget her infatuation with Greg, a sexy emergency room doctor." How is this tedious retreaded crap even remotely entertaining? A jackass who isn't smart enough to look for more challenging work and who naturally has the hots for a doctor, because no other profession is worth lying down passively and opening your legs for, which is all she wants to do, right? And no doctor is worth shit unless he's an emergency room doctor. Barf. What a bunch of trash! Slap a DNR on this DoA.
The Deep End by Julie Mulhern
For reasons which escape me, this author seems obsessed with women swimming into stiffs in the water. Make of that what you will. "When Ellison's morning swim brings her face-to-face with the dead body of her husband's mistress, it's a stroke of bad luck indeed - especially when she becomes a suspect in the woman's murder! Can she clear her name and find the killer before the case goes belly-up?" And she must prove her innocence rather than have the prosecutors prove her guilty because...? It's opposite day? She's a person of the first water? Her name inexplicably, is Ellison? Her husband's mistress's name was Chlorine Fresh? Yawn.
Saving CeeCee Honeycutt by Beth Hoffman
You know I've done an amusing number of these (and a number on these), and the same names keep on cropping up. I'd be against this one just from the title, but the author seems to love that kind of title. The plot is intriguing: "CeeCee begins a quirky new life in Savannah with her great-aunt Tootie." Does 'Tootie' have a problem with gas? At least she has wind in her sails.... I'd be tempted to see, but it would probably blow. That 'quirky' in the description is a huge turn off.
London Dynasty by Geneva Lee
"For 10 million pounds, Kate takes on the identity of Kerrigan, a missing London socialite - but her explosive connection with aristocratic Spencer could complicate her plans. Book one in a series." Of course it is. What else could it possibly be? Now if it were named "London Die Nasty" or London Dysentery" I might be tempted, but since this is just another female stand-in novel with nothing really new to offer, then no. If the author's name was Lee Genella, then maybe, but as it is? No.
Undercover Reaper by RaShelle Workman
"Ever since she started seeing spirits, Detective Faith Ghraves has led a secret double life as a reaper" seriously? That's the best you can do for a character name - a reaper named Faith Ghraves? Barf. I'm out of here right at that point. Okay, I admit the title is kind of catchy, but really, come out of your 'Shelle and be more Workman-like....
The Sixes by Kate White
"When new professor Phoebe Hall" Wait, is Phoebe Hall a person or a building? Or both? "...volunteers to look into an on campus death" Why? Are there no police in this world? Or is this just another White wash job?
Winterkill by CJ Box
"When game warden Joe Pickett goes hunting for a killer in the rugged Wyoming mountains, his own daughter becomes a target." And he's putting his daughter at risk hunting for a killer because? There are no police in this world? Seriously? Or am I misunderstanding this? So...he's hunting and his daughter is a target.... Wait! What? He's hunting his daughter?! Shoot!
In Her Arms by Melissa Tereze
"When country girl Reagan visits a big-city lesbian bar, she meets a beautiful stranger - but after one passionate night together, Reagan returns home. Will fate bring them back together when Frankie decides to escape city life by renting a quaint cottage in the country?" Nope because Reagan has already died from a fatal venereal disease she got through having unprotected sex with a big city girl the one night she met her. The Reagan era is over. How tragic....
How to Snag a Shifter by Karin De Havin
"When witch Brooklyn starts her senior year at a new high school in Los Angeles, she finds herself dealing with drama, romance, and unexpected danger" Brooklyn starts a new school in Los Angeles? The next story in this series has Angeles starting a new school in Brooklyn. And of course she finds herself dealing with drama, romance, and unexpected danger because this is a cookie-cutter clone of every other high-school paranormal novel ever written. Nothing to see here. Havin writer's block. Move along.
Escape by Barbara Delinsky
"A New York Times bestseller from a 'first-rate storyteller' (The Boston Globe)" who nevertheless finds herself forced to tell cookie-cutter weak-woman escape stories. Yawn. "Dissatisfied with the way her life has panned out, Emily escapes to a small New England town to discover who she really is." That would be a runaway coward instead of a woman who shows courage, stands her ground, and fixes her shitty life. Yeah. I really want to read that one. Not.
The Aviary by Emily Shore
"Taken from her family and sold to the highest bidder, 16-year-old Serenity is put on display at The Aviary, a museum of living art. To escape, she must earn the trust of Luc, her mysterious captor." Of course she must because making a female character fall for the captor who has brutalized her is high romance. This is Shore to fail.
Devil’s Corner by Lisa Scottoline
"When her partner is shot right in front of her, assistant attorney Vicki Allegretti is" glad she had quickly hidden behind him.... Yawn.
Friday, September 24, 2021
We’ll Always Have Paris by Sue Watson
"I adored it" says someone named Cathy Bramley. Who the fuck is she? And why would I care what she thinks? The tired plot of this ridiculous book, appropriating an already over-baked title, has it that "Widowed at age 64, Rosie can’t stop thinking about Peter, the first man she ever loved." Peter? Really? That's what you name this obsession of hers? Seriously? It goes on, "After an unexpected reunion, can Rosie seize her second chance at happiness?" I really don't care. It's been done to death and it's time to get a new Peter. And don't forget to tell Cathy Bramley you got one - so she can adore that, too.
Bailey and the Bad Boy by R Linda
"After her ex-boyfriend runs off with her best friend, Bailey stages a fake relationship with the town bad boy - and soon their pretend attraction becomes all too real." This has only been done - what? - a billion times already? Yawn. And barf.
Marked by Fire by Mia West
"In medieval England," Um, Arthur was Welsh.... "Arthur is hopelessly drawn to his older brother’s shieldmate, Bedwyr." Bedwyr? BEDwyr? Seriously? "But after Arthur’s recklessness leads to a battle injury that might end Bedwyr’s warrior days, the two men discover an unexpected passion." Unexpected by everyone except the reader this blurb is aimed at, apparently. Yawn. Mia West appears to be obsessed with turning the entire Round Table into a gay club, which means all of her stories are essentially the same. Now, maybe one or two of those guys were actually gay (assuming any of them actually existed), but all of them? Seriously?
Blood of Dragons by Robin Hobb
Now if this was authored by Robin Hood, that would be something wouldn't it? The author seems obsessed with writing about disabled dragons which means all these stories are essentially the same. Yawn. Apparently George RR Martin said of this that it's "fantasy as it ought to be written." Has George has been getting away with fantasy as it oughtn't to be written? Just askin'! "A group of dragons and their keepers journey to find the lost city of Kelsingra - and the mythical well that the creatures need to survive" - and we're just learning this now? So how have they survived thus far? I guess George likes dumb stories.
The Secret Wife by Gill Paul
"Reeling from a shocking discovery, Kitty Fisher flees to her great-grandfather’s cabin. " Another chick-in-shit story. Barf. Whya r eblurbs always larded with words like 'explosive' and 'shicking'? I know the reason, but for fuck's sake, can you blurb-writing assholes not have a little fucking faith in the readers?
The Last Days of Us by Caroline Finnerty
"Sarah is distraught after her husband, JP, abandons their family. But when their youngest child is diagnosed with a brain tumor, will it bring Sarah and JP together - or force them even further apart?" Honestly? Who gives a shit! The kid has a brain tunmor and all the author is concerned about is whether Sara gets her piece of shit husband back? Barf. The very title of this novel should broadcast loud and clear that it's a complete non-starter.
Spark by Aleatha Romig
"First in a trilogy" Of course it is! "When Patrick is reunited with beautiful Maddie," Stop right there! The only distinguishing characteristic she has is beauty? What the fuck is wrong with female authors that they do this to their own gender so predictably? Barf. Could she not have been depicted as smart? Clever? Inventive? Successful? Having integrity? Industrious? Talented? Influential? Shit. So all he finds is "the spark of passion he’d been missing," and now we know how shallow he is! It was her beauty and no other quality which solved his problem. Yep! That's what a pretty girl is for: to solve a guy's problem! The blurb gets worse, believe it or not: "She might be fiercely independent, but he’s determined to explore their sizzling connection." So in short, no matter what she wants, what he wants counts more and it's all about sex. That's why I mean it from the heart when I say: fuck him and this style of horseshit-writing. Aleatha Romig should be thoroughly ashamed of herself.
Trophy by Steffen Jacobsen
"Two bone-chilling cases intertwine when PI Michael Sander and police investigator Lene Jensen discover a link between an unusual death — and a mysterious hunting club that favors human targets." The plot itself has been hunted to death. Publisher's Weekly Bullshit claims: "Stieg Larsson fans will find much to like." Excuse me but what the fuck does this have to do with Stieg Larsson? Or is Publisher's weekly claiming that all Scandinavians are the same?
Kill Me Once by Jon Osborne
Karin Slaughter thinks this is "genuinely original" despite this same plot having been done to death already. That tells me all I need to know about her as an author. The title of this tells me pretty much all I need to know about this novel, too! The tired plot is that "FBI Special Agent Dana Whitestone is tracking a serial killer who models his crimes off some of the most notorious in history." On the positive side, the title is appropriately stupid. Yawn.
Moving Target by Ross Kemp
"When an old friend lands in trouble, former Special Reconnaissance Regiment officer Nick Kane steps out of retirement and sets out to hunt down a relentless cartel leader." Not a thing new here. Coming out of retirement to solve a problem? Been done to death. Same old tired and retreaded title as well. Yawn.
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