"After being unceremoniously dumped, Orly starts over at idyllic Honeysuckle Hall. As friendship with handsome carpenter Leo blossoms...." Of course it does because we've seen this same cookie-cutter clone story published a dozen squared times. Yawn.
Stephen King called Clive Barker "the future of the horror genre" and we all know how that panned out. That ought to tell you all you need to know about both of these authors. In this ridiculous tome, "Bloodthirsty demon Jakabok has traveled from the depths of hell to grab hold of your imagination." Seriously, thats the best you got? A tired and cookie-cutter demon story with a dumb-ass name? I liked, I think, one of Barker's books and that's all. This one just sounds dumb.
And this is being offered right when the story of Gabby Petito is all over the front pages? OK. "Start with a seaside setting, add an ambitious chef, and toss in a delightful dachshund sidekick for the perfect feel-good romance! While pursuing her dream of starting a pizza oven on wheels, Lucy meets Jack...." That's it for me. No more Jack-offs in books. The most over-used name in literary history just got used one more time. Way to go. Barf.
"Government agencies fail to find terrorists threatening the United States with nuclear weapons. To remedy that, the new President forms a highly classified operation with an Executive Order...Not wanting to be identified, every terrorist cell places Masterson and Coulter on their hit list." One question: If this is a highly classified oiperaiton, how come terorrists world-wide know every fuckign detail abotu it? Barf. "Readers will find it difficult to distinguish fact from fiction...." I seriously doubt that, given that psychics have consistently been demonstrated to be frauds and fakers!
"A thrilling recent release" we're told, but nowhere near an original one. "At a retreat on the Oregon coast, seven strangers gather. One of them is private investigator Asha Kade, who doesn’t even know who hired her. But when guests are picked off one by one, she’ll have to figure out how they’re all connected...." Been there, done that a score of times. Nothing to read here. Move along.
Yet another novel from a female author that diminishes her female character right from the off by describing her in the title as an appendage of some guy. Way to go. Here's the plot, so-called: "When a guest is murdered at her sister’s party, Lady Darby realizes that her macabre past makes her uniquely suited to solve the case" Yes. Now the truth can be told. Lady Darby is really Jackie the Ripper....
"After a series of coordinated terrorist attacks, Navy SEAL veteran James Reece embarks on a globe-spanning quest to stop a ruthless enemy and a far-reaching conspiracy," Because only an American can fix the world's problems. Yeah. Been there, done that for four years and look where it got us. This novel should be retitled "True Arrogance."
"Everything is perfect between Saffron and her husband, Miles — until his mom, Caprice, moves into their home." Seriously? Saffron, and Caprice? Barf. I'm not wild about Saffron. Put Miles between you and this one.
This has to be a parody, right? "Tired of having to choose between rugged cowboys and sexy bikers?" Never been a problem. I reject both in my fiction choices. Do rugged, sexy, biker-cowboys herd electric sheep? Barf.
"In 1920s Shanghai, Juliette must join forces with Roma, her first love and sworn enemy," Seriously? This is supposedly a retelling of Romea and Juliette, but why set it in Shanghai if you're going to use the same names? What are these two - American ex-pats? Why not? Because ancestors forbid we should actually have an original story or one without AAmericans in it! Yawn. And it has a sequel? Barf!
"Just as Tinker’s Cove prepares to kick off its annual St Patrick’s Day parade, reporter Lucy’s coworker is charged with a murder he didn’t commit. Will the luck of the Irish help her solve the crime and clear Rob’s name?" What a delightfully condescending piece of work this is to be sure and begorrah, complete with a leprechaun on the cover. Seriously? This from an American author who's apparently been to Boston, and so feels eminently qualified. Barf.
"Journalist Jack Emery must expose a shadowy organization before it triggers the next world war." Automatic rejection of novels employing the most over-used 'male action character' name ever: 'Jack'. Get an imagination for goodness sake! Barf. And the plot sucks, BTW.
This author is evidently glued to the 'Dirty Rich' prefix for her titles. "Lori begins a new job only to find that her boss, Cole, is the man she went home with months ago for the hottest experience of her life. And this time, he wants more than one night with her..." Yep. He wants to know the name of the obscure sexual disease she gave him so he can seek treatment for it.... Barf. How many times has the name 'Cole' been used as the male half of one of these 'red-hot night of passion' stories? Far too many, that's for sure. The authors who write these have to be among the most tediously unimaginative ever.
"When blogger Luke Walker is tapped to judge a cooking competition with his polar opposite ex, chef Meyer Thibodeaux, will it be a recipe for romance... or will they get burned a second time around?" 'Twice Baked' is entirely the wrong title for this - it ought to be called 'Half Baked' but I admit it's a grey area.
"After the discovery of a chilling tableau - an entire family murdered, then posed around their dinner table..." Wasn't this already done in European TV series on Netflix? Yawn.
Since forging means the act of purposely creating a fake with intent to deceive, what's with the fake fire? Just kidding. It is a dumb title though. "When horseshoer Rainy Dale and her dog, Charlie, head to the Black Bluff bull sale, they find unexpected danger" I imagine she would if she's trying to put horseshoes on a bull! What a maroon! That's her job? Really? "horseshoer?"
I read the original novel in this series several years back - or tried to - and it was a joke, so I'm not surprised to see the author continuing in that vein. "In 1888 London, sleuths...." Stop right there! That's me out when the word 'sleuth' appears in a book blurb. That tells me all I need to know. Veronica Speedwell and Stoker investigate the connection between a royal scandal and Jack the Ripper." Done to death in fiction and debunked in reality, what's the point? From my initial experience woth this author, I can tell you that there's nothing original in these stories if the first one was any guide. They're clichéd and trope-laden, and offer nothing imaginative, or entertaining.
On the other hand, this title is tediously pretentious. "Investigative journalist Dakota is still haunted by the disappearance of her best friend, Maddy, 10 years ago. Determined to find the truth, she starts a podcast..." Another troubled detective story! Why'd she wait ten years? Guess she didn't care that much, huh? Yawn.
Okay, so I'll give the author the title; it is mildly amusing, but read on: "To win a home renovation contest, straitlaced Bethany must team up with frustratingly handsome Wes." Why? Why must she team up with him? And hasn't the 'frustratingly-' or 'irritatingly-' or 'infuriatingly-' handsome shtick been done to death? Evidently not for this frustratingly, irritatingly, infuriatingly uninventive and unimaginative book blurb writer. Yawn.
Another cookie-cutter clone story: "After a devastating tragedy, Alicia returns to her island home to take care of her mother. There, she finds herself torn between duty and happiness - and unearths long-buried family secrets that upend her world." If I had a dime for every fictional woman who flees back to her hometown and uncovers a shocking secret I'd be richer than Jeff Bezos, may God rend his soul. And what's with the title? It turns the woman into a possession or appendage of someone else rather than her being her own person.
"A terrifying and brilliant read. I could not put this down" (Don Winslow) - that's because the publisher put superglue on the cover, Don. "FBI profiler Caitlin Hendrix tracks a serial killer who is brutally murdering women in southern Texas" Not gonna happen. Pretty much anyone can own a gun and carry it around brazenly in Texas these days. Serial killers have no chance. But you gotta love those who brutally murder. I gotta tell you: those considerate murderers aren't worth shit.
"Fleeing a bounty hunter, Saree sneaks aboard a ship, only to find herself surrounded by dangerous mercenaries" as opposed to those marshmallow mercenaries that no one worries a bit about. Yawn.
"While traveling around the world, tour guide Lana lands in the middle of deadly mysteries. From a killer on the loose in Budapest to a client who gets snuffed out in Paris, can Lana solve the cases before she's the next to depart" Who gives a fuck, really? And WTF is "Lana" doing interfering in this shit anyway? It's none of her meddling business. This truly is a case of someone needing to stay in their own lane. What an interfering asshole!
"Leigh Hurley was marked for death - until a sexy merman's kiss saved him from a watery grave. But when the sea-dwelling Tolomeo turns up naked at Leigh's apartment, the star-crossed pair will have until the next full moon to pledge their love... or risk losing each other forever." Like I care. I predict Leigh's gonna choke on a fish-boner if he doesn't get grunionorrhea... The real giveaway here is the way-the-fuck over-used term 'star crossed'. That's a big red warning sign in any book blurb. Just say notothen. It's too fishy.
"Detective Elouise Norton's sister disappeared 30 years ago." Oh look, yet another in an immensely long line of troubled detectives. Yawn. So she disappeared three decades ago and this dipshit is just now bothering to look into it? If she doesn't really care, why should I? Yawn.