"When a town recluse's death reveals a hidden fortune, Cass and her intrepid knitting circle hurry to prevent a second murder." Not with that kind of woolly thinking they don't. Another nutty novel nagging that knitting numbskulls are niftier than the police.
Thursday, October 14, 2021
Ghost Force by Patrick Robinson
"As tensions over oil ignite an international battle in the South Atlantic, a group of US Navy SEALs is sent to restore peace." Right because they're the perfect people for that job. Yawn.
Would Like to Meet by Rachel Winters
"An assistant at a screenwriting agency, Evie has been waiting years for a promotion. The chance might be here, but it comes with strings: convince their biggest client, arrogant and insufferable Ezra, to write a rom-com script." Of course he's arrogant and insufferable. That's why this moron will fall for him. Barf. Nothing new here. Insufferable accurately describes this kind of a novel.
While the Music Lasts by Maggie Robbins
"Florence leaves behind her best friend turned lover, Bailey, to pursue her dream of becoming a famous cellist. When fate brings them together again, can both women overcome the past and recapture the music they once shared?" Who gives a shit? Florence has no interest in music. She wants to become famous. Not 'accomplished'; not 'outstanding'; not 'gifted'; not 'original in her interpretation', but 'famous'. That's how shallow this dipshit is - and that's what she'll become famous for.
Fortune Favors the Cruel by Kel Carpenter
"Bent on revenge, Quinn must learn to harness her dark powers in order to survive; meanwhile, nobleman Lazarus has waited years for a woman of Quinn's abilities to appear. How could he predict that she would become both the answer to his prayers and his worst nightmare?" Lazarus might not be able to, but everyone who's seen this tedious plot a gazillion times before can. This book of Kel's is a non-starter. Yawn.
The Terminal List by Jack Carr
"In this explosive thriller, a Navy SEAL targets the American conspirators responsible for the deaths of his team and his family." Seriously? Going rogue on a revenge killing is how we want to represent our men and women in uniform? Barf. What's the hero's name? Jack Pierce? Jack Lock? Jack Cage? Jack Stone? Jack Steele? Yawn.
My Fallen Saint by J Kenner
"When Ellie Holmes's world collides with billionaire Devlin Saint, the passion between them is impossible to ignore" Trust me. It isn't. Yawn. And Devlin Saint? Really?
A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers
"Formerly the artificial intelligence of the spaceship Wayfarer, Lovelace has woken up in a new body - with no memory of what happened." Easy: she was a porn movie star. Next intractable problem?
The It Girls by Karen Harper
"Follow sisters Lucy and Elinor - an aspiring designer and an impassioned novelist - as they overcome adversity and pursue their dreams." What a lot they're going to contribute to society. Barf.
How the Light Gets In by Louise Penny
"As the weather turns colder and the holidays approach, the festive atmosphere in Three Pines is marred by a famous woman's shocking murder." As opposed to those non-shocking mundane, everyday murders which no one in their right mind gives a shit about. No wonder the illiterates at Kirkus Reviews (where the light doesn't get in) loved this one.
Blood Witch by Naomi Clark
"Already an outcast among other witches, Lola has nowhere to turn when she's accused of murder. As she sets out to find the true killer with help from beautiful and mysterious Tristesse" Tristesse? Really? This crime should be a doddle to solve since they have magic at their disposal.
Under A Sicilian Sky by Lisa Hobman
"When actress Ruby Locke finds herself in the midst of a media snafu, her movie star fiancé breaks off their engagement - and sends Ruby fleeing to Sicily." Why? And more importantly, do we really need yet another cookie-cutter clone novel about a yet another chicken-shit woman who runs away? Short answer: No! Longer answer: hell No!
Goddess in the Machine by Lora Beth Johnson
"After Andra awakens from a cryogenic sleep 1,000 years in the future, she must navigate the strange world with Zhade, an exiled prince" Of course she must, because god forbid any woman should do anything on her own without some fucking prince to validate her, and make her life worth living. How is this story any different from the other one I just got through non-reviewing? Not in any way. Barf.
Some Lucky Woman by Carmen DeSousa
"Hurt one too many times by men, Jana pens a bestseller empowering women to swear off the male species. But an injury places her career in the hands of physical therapist Adrian, putting her head-to-head with a man who's taken offense to her writing!" Of course it does because god forbid she should be a strong woman who doesn't need as man to set her straight. There's nothing new here - chalk and cheese, infuriating man. It's been done a billion times before already. Get a new shtick before your life solidifies into the embodiment of inertia. How so many female authors manage to set themselves up to betray their female characters so consistently is the only interesting thing going on here.
Wednesday, October 13, 2021
Campus Player by Jennifer Sucevic
"Playboy quarterback Rowan has no trouble scoring — both on and off the football field. But when his coach’s daughter, Demi, becomes his tutor, the two do nothing except butt heads… at least, at first." Yet another garbage story about two antagonists who inevitably fall in lust together. There is absolutely nothing new here. These stories are unimaginative, unoriginal, and five-a-penny. They're trite, cookie-cutter clones. Barf.
Emerald Blaze by Ilona Andrews
This marks three strikes for this author. "Catalina Baylor works in magical law enforcement in Texas. When her family comes under attack, she must team up with a figure from her past" which would be the guy who takes the prominent place on the cover of this novel which is purportedly about a female main character? Well, we can all see how that goes. Barf. Yet another female author, yet another dissed character. Count me out.
Ghost Gone Wild by Carolyn Hart
"An otherworldly mishap leaves departed spirit Bailey stuck in her hometown — unless she can rescue a ghost’s nephew from a killer." So wait, this ghost has to rescue another ghost's nephew? Why doesn't the other ghost have to do it? This plot sounds lame from the off. The book is billed as "From a New York Times bestselling author!" Do you know how lame that is? You can sell only 5,000 books, which might get you on the bottom of the list for one week, and then eternally refer to yourself as a best-selling author. It's utterly meaningless unless you're a sheep who, instead of buying something based on how good it might be, you buy something because everyone else is herding toward it. It's also possible to game the system, so I do not trust these 'best selling author claims one bit.
Little Secrets by Jennifer Hillier
"Marin’s perfect life is upended by every parent’s worst nightmare — her son is abducted in a crowded store. A year later with no progress on the case, she finally has a reason to spring into action" It takes her a year to "spring" into action? That ain't springing. That's barely tripping. Book blurbs! Meh.
Atlantis Stolen by Christopher Cartwright
"What destroyed the ancient city of Atlantis? It’s a secret shrouded in mystery" Wrong! It's bullshit buried in fiction. Yawn.
Mischief by Douglas Clegg
"Jim Hook" Really? Is he a pirate? "...arrives at mysterious Harrow Academy" the mysterious academy! Why would he think a mysterious academy can give him a "fresh start — only to unleash a sinister evil." Shit! A sinister evil. That's horrible! Regular evil is bad enough, but a sinister evil? Holy fuck-doodles! He's in deep du-du now. Yawn.
East Lynne by Mrs Henry Wood
"When the aristocratic Lady Isabel abandons her husband and children for her wicked seducer, more is at stake than moral retribution." Yep, it's the entirety of Victorian civilization! Her husband turns into a steamed punk and goes on the rampage with an army of clockwork Viking robots, raping, pillaging, and burning people's houses, but when he discovers that Vikings didn't actually have cow horns in their helmets, he realizes that it is he who is just horny, and begins frequenting horses of ill prepuce, frequently. Damn this auto-correct! LOL! This novel was naturally first in a series, being followed by another seven volumes, resulting in one for each of the main eight points of the compass, but none were so well received as this first one, thereby proving that the advice to "Go west, young man" is bullshit. I did take a stab at reading this one but the story is so ponderously tedious that I quit in short order. It takes forever to get nowhere.
A Murder in Paris (A Year in Europe—Book 1) by Blake Pierce
"Many dream of dropping everything and jetting off to Europe — but having to solve a murder upon arrival? That definitely wasn’t what Diana intended when she left behind all of her responsibilities for the trip of a lifetime. Luckily, she makes a pretty decent sleuth," Stop right there. 'Sleuth' in a book blurb is an automatic 'No!" And why the hell is 'Diana' meddling in a murder in Paris? Because the French police are useless? This is a self-important Donald Trump-style delusion. "I alone can fix it?" Horseshit.
Do No Harm by Christina McDonald
"After her young son is diagnosed with cancer, doctor Emma begins selling opioids in a desperate bid to fund his treatment. But when someone dies, Emma’s own husband leads the investigation." So a doctor and a police detective do not earn enough between them, nor so they have sufficient insurance, to take care of their son? What the hell have they been doing all this time? And now she drug her husband into it? Has the author not noticed the parellels in her story to the Scott Turow novel Presumed Innocent? The wife did it. There really is nothing new under the sun. Yawn.
One Left Alive by Helen Phifer
"After a woman is found hanging in her front garden, detective Morgan Brookes" hangs with her and discovers that she;s really quite a hottie. He fails to realize that there are the bodies of her family in the basement, a white cloth placed over each face." Clearly each damily member has fainted due to the heat from this hottie's body. Can Morgan, who Brookes no refusal, discover them in time, or will they bake for three to four hours at 400 degrees before beign served with a light fave bean gravy and a nice chanti?
The Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes The Veiled Detective by David Stuart Davies
"When Sherlock Holmes arrives in London to begin his career as a private detective, he catches the attention of evil mastermind Professor Moriarty. Soon, he meets Dr. Watson" In short, there's not a goddamned thing that's remotely new here - except that, as is implied by the title, Sherlock becomes Moriarty's bride! The veil signifies modesty and obedience, but the full-blooded ex-military Watson is not about to stand for this, and is determined to rescue his beloved friend! Shenanigans abound! Barf.
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