Welcome to E Mayberry by Chris Genovese

Rating: WARTY!

This struck me as dumb from the start. The author wants us to read bold text because we're too stupid to distinguish between when the narrator is talking to the detective, and when she's relating the story she's telling the detective. LOL! Actually given the low intellect these stories require both to write and to read, I guess I should take that at face value. The porn actress telling the story is named, wait for it, Stormy Winters. Sorry but no. Just no. This is another abusive tale and I refuse to read it much less commend it. There was another story in this volume by this author, but no. Enough is more than enough.

Warranted Pleasures by Shannon Nemechek

Rating: WARTY!

This author starts out by telling us that a warrant officer (hence the play-on-words title) was sent by the general of the division to investigate property loss at one of the 'smaller companies'. I don't know what that means. A division is led by a lieutenant general or a major general, but a company is several steps down the heirarchy and is typically lead by a captain, so why is a division CWO being set to investigate property loss? It makes no sense. What - there was no one in that entire chain of command below division who could have investigated this?

A company is normally around four platoons, but a transportation company - which this one is - tends to be larger - maybe twice as large, so what the author means by 'one of the smaller platoons' is a mystery. Anyway the CWO is picked up at the airport by a female - of course - and he immediately begins objectivising her despite being her senior officer. "He wondered how she ended up in Chicago and not down south where women like her were appreciated." That's where I quit reading this trash - on page four. The fact that the author apparently didn't know the difference bwetween a muumuu and a cow lowing twice was a contributory factor. I cannot remotely commend this, which is bad in a Coronavirus environment because I'm sure as hell not going to intimately commend it....

Leather and Lace by Samantha A Cole

Rating: WARTY!

Thankfully this is from the last of the three so-called romance volumes I began exploring last month, so I never have to do this again!

This was another BDSM pile of crap where the woman, despite being (we're told) a successful BDSM novel writer is presented as a know-nothing ingénue, who couldn't satisfy her husband who apparently cheated on her both before and after their marriage which lasted barely a year. This writer is unable to think about sex because she's not very good at it, but she writes about it and desires intimacy. I'm sorry but it doesn't work. This was such a pile of bullshit and garbage that I couldn't get past the first eight pages. I don't know who reads this trash, but whoever it is seriously needs to get a life and the author needs to get a clue.

Sketches by Teyla Branton

Rating: WARTY!

Detective Reese Parker is transferred to her childhood home - known as Colony 6 - after her life is threatened in her previous job. She has psychic visions when talking to witnesses and subsequently she feels a serious compulsion to sketch these images on paper. The images lead her to solving her case. At least that's what the prologue novella reveals. I didn't get far enough into this volume to learn what happens. I got only far enough to learn this is not for me because it's too sappy with the heavy-handed romance, and the story held no surprises or even any reason for engagement, for me.

It was obvious that Reese and her closest friends including a guy with the ridiculous name of Jaxon, which to me sound like an oil company - were experimented on and that's why she and Jaxon and apparently the others, have their psychic powers. Better Jaxon than Jacks Off I guess. This is pretty much rammed in our faces like a newspaper headline in block caps. They're looking for missing scientists, get it? They all have powers, get it? They will have to rebel against the very authority they serve to solve this. Yawn. The romance between her and Jaxon is tedious and predictable. The secrets they keep from each other are stupid, and the conspiracy nonsense is nothing original. I found it boring and quit reading in short order.

I can't commend this, and this is another series I will not be following.

Insight by Teyla Branton

Rating: WARTY!

This is a prequel to this author's series set in a dystopian future. It's very short, but it really explains nothing about the world in which detective Reese Parker lives. It merely is a prologue explaining how she came to end up back at Colony 6 - the very place she was only too happy to escape from when she left to join the New York Enforcer Division. It's set some 80 years after what's referred to as The Breakdown, which was apparently an economic and nuclear catastrophe, but we learn nothing of that. Nor do we learn why the NYPD is now the NYED. There is no world-building at all.

We do get right into the story wherein Parker, who gets psychic visions when questioning a suspect (and which she shares with no one), feels subsequently that she has to translate into a sketch, otherwise it physically affects her. She's compelled to get it down on paper at the risk of a restless night if she doesn't, and the image - often of a suspect, sometimes of a scene - in turn helps her to track down her quarry. In this case it turns out to be a big time businessman who is using some of his facilities as a base to manufacture a dangerous drug known as Juke which when mixed with another drug becomes deadly.

Parker eventually nails him., but in doing so makes enemies and against her will - supposedly for her own safety - she's transferred to Colony 6. End of this novella, lead in to the series. The problem with the is is that it makes her look rather stupid. The case she's making hinges on her recorded video of the businessman effectively convicting himself, but the vid is tampered with, and useless. There is no mention of any backup, and Parker herself fails to keep one - something you would think she would be sure to do in a case this important.

I managed to read the whole story - it was very short - but it didn't leave any mark on me, and I was by no means thrilled with it. I can't commend it unless you're already into the series and are curious as to how Parker got there. Even then it's barely worth the time. The writing itself isn't bad, per se, it just isn't very interesting.

Starlight Wishes by ME Montgomery

Rating: WARTY!

Continuing my look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which trust me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This book starts out with a prologue which I naturally skipped, but the prologue apparently begins with a bunch of 12 year olds chanting the 'starlight star-bright' nonsense about wishes coming true and that pre-adolescent mentality pervades the whole story unfortunately. It's first person, too, which makes it ten times worse. Jen is sneaking out of the room after an apparently drunken encounter after a wedding reception, with your trope ripped, chiseled guy she doesn't feel she deserves because she's only a weak and worthless woman, you know, not fit to kiss his tight glutes and all.

The story then screeches to a halt as we backtrack 12 hours to the reception - like we don't already know what happened there, how she got tipsy and had no ride home so he very generously" offered to ride her...so to speak. Rather than just drop her off and see she gets safely indoors he perpetrates a home invasion, and next he's going through her drawers - and holding up her drawers (or in this case a thong) on his middle finger; wait, no it was his index finger because he was indexing her wardrobe, that was it. I quit reading right there.

Barf.

Coral Hearts by Avery Gale

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This was a truly pathetic maiden in distress needing a strong guy to rescue her because as you know all women are useless without a studly man. The names in this book are utterly ridiculous. The girl is Coral. This is inevitably part of a series about the five Morgan brothers - because why come up with something original when you can continue draining an old teat? The Morgans are called Brandt, Colt, Kip, Phoenix, and Sage. Why not just go the whole hog and call 'em Sage, Basil, Rue, Tarragon and Dill? And have them come from Oregano?

These boys, we're assured, have vastly different interests - but they're all doms. I guess their interests aren't that different, huh? So Coral is already running from an ex and her car breaks down. Her car is probably named Herb-ie. So naturally, she "literally falls into" this guy's arms and he no doubt offers her some Sage advice....

Seriously the barf factor here is high and so too, probably, are the Morgan bros. I'll pass. Wind.

The Fix by Sylvie Stewart

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This was multi-first person PoV, which is at least three times worse than single fp. It jumped around so much that it did nothing but confuse me as to who was doing what, and when, and to whom. I gave up on it before any romance even began. I didn't miss it. It definitely needs a fix. Or something.

Once Written Twice Shy by Carey Decevito

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

I skipped the prologue on this one. Chapter one begins "Just a short year later..." - that ellipsis doesn't end the sentence, which is therefore missing a period. If it's intended to be a sort of a cliffhanger sentence, then three dots is fine, but there ought to be spaces between the dots. But moving along, I skimmed chapter one which was about two people meeting at an airport after being in touch online for some time. They can't keep their hands off each other.

At first I had assumed that they had leapt into bed asap. I assumed in this case we're meant to understand they're already exchanged information about their sexual histories, so I granted the safe sex part here, but after, there was this weird issue of taking a shower, and there's quite some debate about who goes first and which shower. I'd thought, they want to jump each other's bones but now they won't shower together? It just felt unrealistic given the premises for the story, but when I back-tracked to see if it really happened as I thought, I realized the wording was a bit ambiguous and it looked like all they'd done was kiss, but he phrase "wrapped in each other like a pair of randy teenagers" had been used, so I was confused.

Do randy teenagers not start physically touching each other apart from locking lips? I guess not. Do randy teenagers not jump into the shower together? I guess not, because it got weird when the guy realizes he has no clothes to put on after his shower and she's showering in his room for reasons unknown. He goes in without knocking, and she's topless of course. Inexplicably, she freaks, and covers up her breasts. Even if they didn't just have sex - and I think they didn't, this felt way too coy to be realistic given their animal passion - and in public at the airport as well as in the kitchen at home.

Is it sad that this story was the best of the ones I'd read to this point, and it almost made a positive impression on me? It was far too coy for its own good though, making it sound unrealistic which is bad for a writer who claims she strives for realism. This lack of authenticity didn't work for me. Can't commend it, but at least I'd consider reading something else by this author.

Bleacke's Geek by Lesli Richardson

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This one is a classic example of how cheap these stories are. It's a wolf shifter story which I avoid like the plague because even when the prime focus is the shifter aspect, it seems to be always about alpha males and sex. Granted that this one is marginally different in that the alpha is the female wolf, but ultimately it's really the same. She's an assassin supposed to be taking down a guy at this bar, yet she's so distracted by a human male she must have that she abandons her prime directive and all-but drags this guy back into the women's restroom to 'claim him' - which is wolf-speak for unsafe sex.

I guess shifters are immune to STIs, huh? But this is rape no matter how much the guy is in denial. He had no choice in what happened, nor does he when he's kidnapped and taken by her as a sex-slave after she finally shoots the guy she's after. That's when I ditched this travesty. As of this writing, the author claims on her website that it's not "forumlaic," and I believe her.

Maybe Mandy by Chris Genovese

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This was yet another disaster - this time written by a guy. Amanda is out of a relationship and despite having a string of bad ones in a row isn't smart enough to realize the problem isn't the guys - it's her and the poor choices she makes. But that isn't going to stop her making yet one more. She now wants to dive into unsafe sex with her married friends, none of whom seem to have a problem not knowing each other's sexual history. This isn't love. It's not romance. It's not real. It's raunch and that's all it is. There's no relationship to see here. Move long.

Royal Protection by Amy Briggs

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This was the usual exercise in inappropriate so-called 'romance' writing. There's a fictional band called little Queens - supposedly giving new birth to rock and roll which rather dates the author a bit - which is comprised of sisters Miranda and Carmen. Their father - another in a long line of super controlling males in these stories - hires an ex-Army Ranger named Ryan King to go undercover as their 'protection' - posing as a journalist. The idiot girls just let this stranger saunter right on into their lives no questions asked, no vetting, nothing. This is after Miranda, the singer-song-writer of the duo has been receiving threatening letters. They're morons.

The guy's name is Ryan King, of course, because he's going to be ruling over them. Yawn. And Barf. Ryan has to fight 'his overwhelming attraction to" Miranda. Well, of course he does, poor soul! How horrible life must be for him. The book description asks, "Will one wrong move cause everything the Little Queens have worked for to come crashing down?" I dearly hope so because this top-heavy edifice is unsustainable. It sucked from the off.

Missing beats by KL Shandwick

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Fortunately I was able to skip some authors in this one because I'd read their efforts in volume one and was not about to subject myself to more of their work. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust: no relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

I don't read prologues, but I couldn't help but notice as I was about to bypass it and swipe to the first chapter of this novel that the name of one of the main characters was Kane Exeter. That name is so bad that it's a joke right up front there and it almost made me quit reading at that point, four words in, which would be some sort of a record, but I pressed on. The idea is that these two childhood friends: Kane and Jo, go their separate ways, and one of them (I'll give you only one guess as to who it is), becomes a "wealthy playboy rock star." Who talks about rock stars anymore?

That ought to give you all you need to know about the mentality and age-mindset of the author right there. If it doesn't, this from her website bio will do it: "Her characters have flaws and she hopes this helps the connection between them and her readers." Because all her readers are like Kane Exeter: rich, successful, chiseled, tattooed, etc. Either that or they have flaws. What a thing to say about your readers! Maybe they do but it's not up to an author to throw them in your face. Ultimately this is yet another novel where an authority figure (Kane by dint of his wealth and success) preys on a subjugate woman who of course needs rescuing. Barf.

Just For You, Sir by Laylah Roberts

Rating: WARTY!

I got this freebie which offers sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - that sort of thing I never read, so I decided to take a look at this limited sample - each book had only an opening chapter or two - and to see if they were truly as bad as I think they are. It turns out - they are! Who knew? I decided to review these based solely on the sample chapters, which believe me is more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own head! It's all about guys and sex all the time and some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point - and by some serious margin, too. Actually it's not even a margin, it's more like a burgeon.

This was yet another dom book but disguised as a purportedly concerned family chasing after a stray young girl they'd adopted. The girl was weak and petite and the boys were all strutting turkey cocks. She had run away from them, but they tracked her down and dragged her back with threats, and she meekly went with them. Frankly this was sick and I condemn, not commend it.

The Playground by Phoebe Alexander

Rating: WARTY!

I got this freebie which offers sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - that sort of thing I never read, so I decided to take a look at this limited sample - each book had only an opening chapter or two - and to see if they were truly as bad as I think they are. It turns out - they are! Who knew? I decided to review these based solely on the sample chapters, which believe me is more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own head! It's all about guys and sex all the time and some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point - and by some serious margin, too. Actually it's not even a margin, it's more like a burgeon.

This one has a swinging schoolteacher. I quit reading when the writer wrote 'forte' with an accent on the 'e'. That's not a word. The word isn't from Italian, where the 'e' is sounded, but from the French where it's not, although both words mean 'strong'. It's pronounced 'fort' not 'fortay'. A writer should know this.

Though the 'e' is sounded in Italian, there's no accent on it. So even if the author was trying to claim it's from the Italian, what she actually wrote is a nonsense word. That and this business with the primary school-teacher swinger was just too much for me. The writing was boiler-plate boring anyway, so I saw no reason to continue. It's not that a teacher's private life - as long as it's kept separate from school (and isn't illegal!) - is anything to do with her professional life, but this felt like the author was just trying to damned hard. I can;t commend this one.

Bound by Earth by Quinn Loftis

Rating: WARTY!

My only other experience of this author was Dream of Me which I did not like at all, and while this one is better than that, it ultimately suffers from the same problems that one did. I at least made it to page 100 of this 286 page ebook. It was moderately entertaining for a while, but it was very slow-moving and there was that same problem of the main male character demanding ownership of the main female one, who becomes pretty much a wilting violet whenever she's in his presence. I guess his super-power is sucking out women's intellect and replacing it with a 'bitch-in-heat' mentality. I'm sorry, but it's pathetic, and it cheapens the female character inexcusably.

The main male wasn't in it until close to page 100 which explains how I made it that far. Had he shown up earlier with his control freak ways and shitty attitude, I would have ditched this novel correspondingly earlier. What is it with YA authors, especially female ones, in their psychotic implication that the more special a woman is, the more abusive and possessive her 'soul partner' must be? There's something seriously wrong with that kind of thinking. Any self-respecting female character would want to kick someone like him in the balls.

The story is of a girl named Tara who is naturally in her last year of high-school, because why not? Since it's a YA special snowflake novel, obviously the unbreakable rule is that both of Tara's parents are dead. She lives with a foster mom who is essentially non-existent, because that's how it is in these books. Nothing new here. What was somewhat new was Tara's best friend, named Shelley, and I adored this character. It seems to be my fate in all-too-many YA novels to despise the main character and adore her BF. That was the case here. Shelley was a breath of fresh air and a badly-needed antidote to the anal and boring Tara.

It's tempting to say I would have loved a novel about Shelley, but perhaps it would have been too much to have that kind of no-filter intensity being front and center for a whole novel. Clearly Shelley is based on Aubrey Plaza. That said, her think-it-speak-it approach to life was far less annoying than was Tara's endless correction, contradiction, and commentary in relation to Shelley's straight forward habits. This is after they'd known each other for three years so you'd think there'd be some accommodation and adaptation, but no. Shelley has to be the best friend ever to put up with Tara, not the other way round, as the author would have it.

This novel buys into the trope that this YA girl has to have a love triangle because that's so original, so there are two guys, who really ought to simply have been named Nice and Nasty. Barf. It also has it that there are only four elements, and Tara is probably a master of all four since she's so perfect. That's just a guess. The 'good guys' of the earth element have been stalking her for years, spying on her without telling her a single word about who she is, without educating her in the least, or helping her along, or warning her that people will be after her. Jerks. Perhaps because Tara is, for reasons unexplained at the point where I quit, physically invulnerable to injury, they're dumb enough to think she can't be seduced to the dark side. I dunno.

They only make an attempt to recruit her at the school's job fair where this stalker dude Jax is dishonestly posing as a member of a geological exploration group, and he tries to get her interested in working for the company. He gives her no hint of who she is. This is also where we meet Elias Creed. Seriously? Elias Creed? I about barfed at that name and almost quit reading right there. The idiotically-named Elias is an assistant to Jax and he immediately becomes possessive and controlling of Tara. Since this is YA, she sees nothing at all wrong with this, gets no bad vibes about him, and has no fears for a potential future with a control freak of a partner. Quite the contrary. I lost all respect for Tara. Not that there was much to lose by this point.

Now about that sad little cover! It's tempting to think it was designed by a guy, but it was actually done by a woman with the tongue-twisting name of Kelsey Kukal-Keeton who from what I've seen seems to have made a career out of photographically rendering young woman as sex toys. I know authors don't really have a say in the cover, but the one on this novel is appallingly inaccurate and outright stupid. The girl - correction, woman - in it looks to be twice the main character's age, and she's dressed completely unlike how Tara dresses even when Tara dresses up! Appropriately though, this is a cover worthy of a brain-dead romance novel. Unless we're supposed to understand from the cover that this novel actually is merely a sad little romance story merely masquerading as fantasy? The cover was pathetic and both the author and photographer should be ashamed of it.

But page 100 is where I quit because the stupid was getting far too ripe for my sensitivities. I cannot commend an unoriginal and downright abusive novel like this that would have it that women are chattel for controlling guys and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm done with this author.

Indiscretion by DD Lorenzo

Rating: WARTY!

I got this freebie which offers sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - that sort of thing I never read, so I decided to take a look at this limited sample - each book had only an opening chapter or two - and to see if they were truly as bad as I think they are. It turns out - they are! Who knew? I decided to review these based solely on the sample chapters, which believe me is more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own head! It's all about guys and sex all the time and some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point - and by some serious margin, too. Actually it's not even a margin, it's more like a burgeon.

The first female mentioned is Corilla Delford! Seriously? That name sounds far too much like Gorilla. The story starts out with the main male character apparently having been punched in the face during the inevitable trope bullying (predictably jock versus intellectual) that's an irremovable fixture of YA stories that are set in high-schools. Immediately following the punch is a tedious first person introductory info-dump which made me yawn. Seriously, does this author think they can draw a reader immediately into the story with a punch and then keep them reading with a yawn-inducing info-dump? It looks like somebody went to creative-writing school. Or maybe not!

Info-dumps are second only to flashbacks when it comes to ways to turn me off reading your work. Too many authors don't seem to get that you can deftly interleave history with present action so it's not an info-dump. I guess this author didn't get the memo. That was enough to turn me off this story, but even so I gamely pressed-on, only to discover this was yet another dual first person voice story and I stopped right there. Barf. Seriously? Get a clue, get an imagination, try something original.

Off Duty by Lucas X Black and Ellie Masters

Rating: WARTY!

I got this freebie which offers sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - that sort of thing I never read, so I decided to take a look at this limited sample - each book had only an opening chapter or two - and to see if they were truly as bad as I think they are. It turns out - they are! Who knew? I decided to review these based solely on the sample chapters, which believe me is more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own head! It's all about guys and sex all the time and some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point - and by some serious margin, too. Actually it's not even a margin, it's more like a burgeon.

I'm sure they thought it would be cute, each writing their own alternating chapters in a dual first person voice story. The female is named Laura Peters and a peter is all she can think of. The leading male can't stand her and she sure as hell hates him, we're told. Yet they somehow overcome this hatred in their need to over...come. Laura is a trauma doctor and she's just had a very young child die after a fall which caused internal bleeding in the head. The kid is basically written-off and consigned to organ donation without even any attempt to save him.

Naturally an ER doctor never gets laid because they're always working in the ER with no time off! No, she's not an intern doing a rotation, she's a regular doctor, and still she has no free time. Even after a child dies right in front of her, or rather is given up on, the first thing the Peters thinks about is sex with the medic who brought the kid in - the one she hates but wants inexplicably wants to jump his bones. She doesn't think if there's anything she could have done differently, or what else might be done or might have been done to save the child. And this is despite chewing out one of her underlings earlier, specifically for not thinking everything through! She's a do as I say not as I do sort of a hypocrite.

As soon as chapter 2 came up and it was obvious it was going to be alternating dual first person, I wanted to quit, but I read a couple of paras just to see how this perspective went. It was no better. The transition from one paragraph where he's thinking about her to a second paragraph begins like this: "My thoughts returned again to Doctor Laura Peters." The thing is that they had never been anywhere else! This dude has an unhealthy and potentially dangerous obsession with her. Maybe they really are meant for each other. But not for me. This is trash and I quit right there.

Dual first person is twice as bad as single first person which is worst person, and this story was just stupid, unoriginal and unrealistic. There are no shades of gray here - not that that novel would have been any better. I can't commend garbage like this. I'm definitely done with Ellie Masters.

Changing Roles by Ellie Masters

Rating: WARTY!

I got this freebie which offers sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - that sort of thing I never read, so I decided to take a look at this limited sample - each book had only an opening chapter or two - and to see if they were truly as bad as I think they are. It turns out - they are! Who knew? I decided to review these based solely on the sample chapters, which believe me is more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own head! It's all about guys and sex all the time and some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point - and by some serious margin, too. Actually it's not even a margin, it's more like a burgeon.

Kate Summers is a privates investigator with a tragic past (which PI doesn't have one?!). She's also a dom who is - surprise! - forced to go undercover as a submissive - and she likes it. Ri-ight. Not only is her story suspect, her dom is her suspect. In other works the whole thing is messed up.

Another problem here is this author's antiquity - and I'm not talking about her chronological age, which is irrelevant, I'm talking about her antique view of life. She starts out her story in the inevitable first person because god forbid there should ever be a private dick story in third person. The world would end! So she's rambling on about hunting men during the day - like women never commit crimes. She insists that she delivers "men to justice one criminal at a time". Sexist pap.

As if that's not bad enough she gets a couple coming into her office with a crime to solve, and these are the same people who got her fired from the police force. So they're villains, get it? How do we know they're villains? Well, they're overweight! Yep! Jewels encircled "her fat neck" and "His fat jowls shifted to and fro". Fat=villainy. That's when I quit reading this trash. I didn't even need a whole sample chapter. WARTY. Case closed.

Double Down & Dirty by Samantha A Cole

Rating: WARTY!

I got this freebie which offers sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - that sort of thing I never read, so I decided to take a look at this limited sample - each book had only an opening chapter or two - and to see if they were truly as bad as I think they are. It turns out - they are! Who knew? I decided to review these based solely on the sample chapters, which believe me is more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own head! It's all about guys and sex all the time and some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point - and by some serious margin, too. Actually it's not even a margin, it's more like a burgeon.

This novel is about this mousey secretary (yes, 'secretary' is how she's described) who works for fraternal twins (frat boys works too) named Grayson and Remington Mann, who are the joint CEOs of Black Diamond Records. They are renowned for dating the same woman at the same time in a ménage à twat - and it's always high-flying artist types, never the 'lowly secretary'. Nonetheless, apparently they've "been craving the woman they see every day at the office, but their strict policy of not dating employees puts a huge crimp in things." I guess they're not so dominant after all, huh?! LOL! But of course they over..come this and the description goes on to assure us that they "set out to show her how they can both love her and she can love them in return."

The thing is that there's no love here, only pure carnal lust, which is fine if that's what they're all into, but let's not pretend there's any romance here or that the woman has any integrity or agency. She's a sex toy and that's it. Worse, they're authority figures taking advantage of a woman in an inferior position with regard to who has the power here. I refuse to even remotely commend trash like this. WARTY!