The President’s Daughter by Bill Clinton, James Patterson

Rating: WARTY!

"When former president Matthew Keating’s daughter is abducted, her safety becomes a matter of national security." Why? Did she spy on her dad when he was at work? Naturally, because she's a white girl, and a rich one at that, she's far more important than any other kidnapping or lost child. Yawn. And did Bill Clinton really write this? Really? This man had at least four different speechwriters when he was at the height of his power, and now we're expected to believe he's writing his own novels? If so, why is Patterson involved? I have no time for either of these guys. Sorry, but no cigar.

Hawk by James Patterson, Gabrielle Charbonnet

Rating: WARTY!

James Patterson sucks as an author. Here's another reason why: "In postapocalyptic New York City, 17-year-old Hawk survives alone - but does she share a destiny with Maximum Ride, the winged hero who disappeared 10 years ago?" Maximum Ride? Why not just call him Vaginal Orgasm-Guaranteed? At its core, this novel is exactly the same as the "Fire in Ice" I just got through discussing.

Run Rose Run by Dolly Parton, James Patterson

Rating: WARTY!

So in the news on CNN's website yesterday was a story about Dolly Parton writing her own novel - which is fake news in my opinion, since she's working with James Patterson. To me, this means he's the one actually doing the writing, and presumably picking Dolly's brains as he goes. Of course he's going to get more sales if the fiction is that Dolly is writing it.

I don't know for sure: that's just a guess. Who knows, maybe she's teaching him a thing or two about writing. The novel is about a young woman who moves to Nashville to follow her dream of becoming a musician, so there's nothing original there at all. It's not even a stretch! There's some hint about her dark past following her, but again, nothing new there either. This plot has been done to death already.

The real fiction here is that the article claims that Patterson, who I don't like as an author, is America's number one bestselling author. What they're basing that on isn't revealed, but every news outlet is parroting it. Investigative journalism is dead, because that honor surely goes to someone like Danielle Steel or Harold Robbins in terms of total book sales? Patterson comes way down the list below them. I guess it's possible they're talking recent sales, in which case Patterson may be higher up the list, but it's still dishonest, because then you have to figure in people like Dean Koontz and Stephen King who are still currently writing and selling novels and have higher sales than Patterson, so whence the 'number one bestselling'? It sounds like numnber two to me.

Doubtlessly this novel will be a bestseller because of the big names involved, but I sure have no intention of ever reading it. It's another unoriginal and unimaginative yawner.

Give Please a Chance by Bill O'Reilly, James Patterson

Rating: WARTY!

Not a fan of O'Reilly or Patterson, especially not now I see the two have colluded on writing a children's book! After all the news we've had about O'Reilly and harassment allegations and multi-million dollar hush money, I don't see where he gets the chutzpah to write a book advising kids to say please. Seriously?

Several artists illustrated this, but I don't know which one of them got a juvenile into her underwear for this book. Talk about bad taste. I'm not for banning books as a general rule, but this one ought to be, based on hypocrisy alone. I don't care if they're both donating proceeds to charity. It's still not right. The guy's last contract with Fox was for what - $25 mill per year? Let him give some of that to charity and stay away from writing children's books. And let's boycott Fox for continuing to employ people like this, and Henry Holt publishers for publishing books by people like this. Some people just have no shame.

The book doesn't even do a decent job of sending the message it claims to send. The message it does send seems to be that you can bribe people to do what you want - in this case by saying please. I guess it works with simpletons on the extreme right.