Showing posts with label Patti Larsen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Patti Larsen. Show all posts

Sunday, October 10, 2021

Bed and Breakfast and Murder by Patti Larsen

Rating: WARTY!

This is one of those murder mysteries that's so pathetic I don't give it the time of day, but once in a while I like to punish myself by trying to read a sample of one of those genres I so despise, if only to make sure my take on them really is as bad as it seems, and this one served only to confirm that. It is well known that standards are laughably low for this genre, but even by those rock-bottom criteria, this one was a fail with juvenile humor, OCD fart jokes, and one-dimensional characters, the main one of which was consistently obnoxious.

The story is your typical unimaginative clone of every other such story: Fiona Fleming inherits a B&B and just for good measure, is also is fleeing New York City precisely because she's a failure. It's the usual garbage: she loses her boyfriend and her job and flies the coop like the worthless little chickenshit she is, yet somehow she stupidly imagines that she can make a go of a business venture despite being a disaster on two inevitably shapely, manly-man-attracting legs. Yawn.

Why female authors so delight in depicting worthless women is a source of unending wonder to me. Does it somehow make them feel better about their own lives? I don't know. I can't think of any valid reason for so many female authors to take such delight in ruthlessly killing off the dreams of so many weak female characters. That's the only real murder mystery here. There's certainly nothing new, original, or inventive to be had from this genre: it's just another unqualified female meddling in police business that she has no business interfering with.

It's first person voice, so it sucks for that alone, and it's just stupid: idiotically written and going nowhere fast. I couldn't stand to read more than a few pages of this piece of trash without gagging at how bad and unrealistic it truly was. So no: I am not wrong about this particular genre, because every time I give it a chance, it turns out to be exactly as I feared it would be.

Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Eve by Patti Larsen


Rating: WARTY!

This was your standard uninteresting, first person voice, dumb, disaffected girl saved by a boy novel. Nothing new, nothing interesting, nothing worth reading. I was very disappointed, although I kind of half-expected that going into it, but nonetheless, I was hoping for something better. I was disappointed, but unsurprised. For the most part, YA authors are so homogenous that 'bland' is far too vivid a word to cover what they do. How this author can write so badly and yet be "a multiple award-winning author" (her own words), is a complete mystery to me. This is why I have zero trust in awards and would flatly refuse any I was offered rather than be tainted by them.

The fact that this novel was written so badly really intrigues me because I read here: https://medium.com/intellogo/award-winning-writer-patti-larsen-shares-her-experiences-using-intellogos-author-tools-c93fea28338 that the author had used some sort of software at both draft and final stage to assess her work. I'd never heard of "Intellogo" before, but it seems that it's supposed to advise an author as to whether they're hitting the standard test marks for a YA novel. How robotic is that? Seriously? The article about this was badly written too. I read at one point, "how present women are in a central role are" and later, "Was the book moving at a fast enough clip to maintain the intensity for a face-paced page turner." Yes, in this era of Facebook control of your life, you definitely need a face-paced page turner.

But this article also tells us that the author “has a degree in journalism, a background in English, history, and screen writing, and offers courses on story writing and outlining. Patti’s strengths lie not only in her mad writing process but also in her tireless work in self promotion." If she put as much effort into writing as she apparently does into self-promotion, and ditched the artificial intelligence, she might have a book that feels far less artificial and actually intelligent - and focused on telling original, imaginative, and inventive stories instead of writing by numbers and copying what everyone else is doing, which is quite clearly what this novel is.

And that tireless self-promotion really turned me off her. I am not a self-promoter which probably means I will never have a book take off, but I don't care. I'm not going to try to force myself on people. If they want to read me, they will choose to find me and do so. It’s their choice, not mine.

This story sounded like it might be interesting which is why I was foolish enough to pick it up to read, and it probably could have been engaging in more capable hands, but all this author proves is that journalists are not necessarily great novel writers. The blurb informs us that 16-year-old Eve (she should have been named Heave, she's so sickening to read about) is the unholy offspring of Death and Life, and

Her unique parentage ensures Eve isn’t like her angel siblings. She brings Death at the beginning of Life and Life to those meant to die. Her continuing failures create constant disaster for her parents and the mortals she tries so hard to serve. But when Eve accidentally interferes with the Loom of Creation, she sets off a chain of events that leads her to finally understand who she really is.

Yes, she's a special snowflake just like every other YA character in nearly every one of these dull, predictable, boring, unimaginative YA garbage novels. How special is that?! The description had one of those little clickers where you could select more of the blurb or less, but it was less of books like this which I would have truly appreciated. There is no clicker for that unfortunately. No click, only colic.

The writing was average to poor from the off. It was, as I mentioned, worst-person voice, which is the most tedious voice of all for me to read. I am so sick of it that I recently went through my shelf of unread print books and deliberately ditched every last one of them that was in first person, so sick am I of reading this tedious and nauseating voice. Now those books are in the local library, so someone else will have to suffer them, not me! Am I evil or what? Mwah-ha-ha!

Anyway, after Eve screws up yet again, by reviving an old man who was at death's door, she goes into this maudlin introspection. Eve whines that everyone hates her, and her life isn't worth living until of course she's rescued by this guy. I ditched the book right there. I am so sick of reading YA novels about some wretched girl who has to be validated and rescued by a boy. For fuck's sake YA authors, stop it with this shit already! Find something better to do with your life - something that doesn’t involve running your own gender into the ground. This book is shit and that's it.