Moonburner by Claire Luana

Rating: WORTHY!

If this author's name had been Claire Luna that would have been perfect, wouldn't it? Or maybe even better had it been Clair de Lune! LOL! I have a policy never to read books that have words like 'saga', 'chronicles' or 'cycle' on the cover. It did not say that on this cover, so it was only later that I discovered this was part of a tetralogy - or perhaps more accurately, a trilogy with a prequel added as an afterthought (maybe).

But I did read it and as it turned out, despite an issue or two here and there, it was a worthy read! That's not to say I will read any more of this 'cycle' (seriously WTF is a 'cycle'? Could it be called a bike? Maybe I'll write a bike one day. Or maybe I shall write the first Cycle Saga Chronicles?). But I digress. To me, this book was complete in itself, and certainly I feel no compulsion to pursue this story any further, which begs the question: why did the author?

I dunno. I guess there's pressure in the publishing world to write trilogies rather than standalones because they can vacuum up far more money from readers even if you give away the first one for free or at a discount. I will play no part in that. All of my books are standalones and complete in and of themselves, and many of them are free, especially during these difficult times when people are stuck at home so much.

This is because I don't write in any hope of becoming rich or milking money from readers. I write because I have to. I have no choice. If I'm not writing I go into withdrawal! Yes, my name is Ian Wood and I am a creative fiction addict. It's been about a half-hour since my last fix.... So, even if my novels are set in the same world as other stories, they're still standalones - except, that is, for the Little Rattuses™, but that's a children's series and with children's books, the rules are out the window - as indeed were The Little Rattuses....

Anyway, let's focus here. This story is about Kai - a young woman a few months from her momentous eighteenth birthday when her Moonburner powers are supposed to manifest. But it's a problem with Kai because she lives disguised as a boy, in a Sunburner village and they're at war with the Moonburners. This is actually more of a battle of the sexes because women are predictably of the Moon, and men of the Sun.

But of course Kai is outed and exiled. She survives against the odds and eventually is taken in at the Moonburner academy. That's not what it's called, but it's what it is - a special snowflake story with the Harry Potter-esque Kai arriving at Moonwarts. "You're a Moonburner, Harry!" The thing is that it's written well-enough that it doesn't feel trope-y or clichéd for the most part, and I appreciated that.

Why Kai's powers are supposed to manifest themselves at eighteen goes unexplained. There really is no difference between a person on the last day of their seventeenth year and the first of their eighteenth, so it's purely arbitrary and no explanation is given. I was willing to let that go despite that fact that's it's so trope that these powers arrive at eleven, or thirteen or whatever. It's usually an odd year for some reason, and it never really has any justification.

Anyway, the power allows her to utilize the Moon's light to do somewhat magical things. Why the Moon's light is different from the Sun's goes unexplained. Let's face it, the Moon makes no light of its own; it's just really good at reflecting the sun's light, so why are these two - Sunburner and Moonburner - different? That's another thing that's not gone into. Again I let it go.

I didn't get quite why Kai had to be raised as a boy, but maybe it was to do with her hair? I think I missed something somehwere, because on the one hand I thought the Moonburner's hair was supposed to become silver (the Sunburner's becomes gold) on her birthday, but apparently Kai's was silver from birth and her parents had to dye it to hide her true nature otherwise she'd have been left in the desert as a baby to die. This harks back to the ridiculous myth that the Spartans did the same to their children who were deemed unworthy. Maybe I misread or misunderstood something about the hair, but why there was no outrage about this barbaric treatment of newborns is left unaddressed.

Moving along, when Kai starts her classes at the Moonburner citadel, she also begins to learn that things are not what they seem and becomes involved in a literal underground. She also falls for the trope muscled Sunburner dude, which was sad and predictable for me. I don't know whether this is wish-fulfillment from these female authors or whether it's just that these book are conceived while these authors are ovulating, but it's insulting, you know? Anyway, in this particular novel, it wasn't dealt with too badly by the author, so I appreciated that, too.

Overall it was very readable, and I enjoyed it. I liked Kai as a character and enjoyed her gradual rise. It felt natural and organic, so there was nothing forced or magical about how she grew as a character, and that's both unusual in a YA novel and very much appreciated by me as a reader. I commend this novel as a worthy read.

Breach by Bronwyn Leroux

Rating: WARTY!

This is described as volume 0.5 of the 'Destiny' series, which is supicious enough, and once again we see it starkly highlighted as to why series are a pile of crap for the most part, and why first person voice typically sucks! I made it through only two chapters before I couldn't stand to read any more of this disaster. The main character, Aiken, who for some reason I thought was a woman at first, is unstable, and we launch into the story right at the point where he appears to be having some form of a panic attack, but he's telling us about it in first person, thereby losing all credibility for me. People don't do that. They can't do that! They can’t both have a breakdown and calmly and logically describe it as it happens. The writing was awful.

The story is about Aiken's life in this nondescript 'community' which seems both modern and ancient at the same time, so that lost credibility for me. The guy is out hunting animals in the forest and later they're talking about having "lunch" - seriously? I read (after he'd sliced a deer's throat open): "It doesn’t take long to sling her carcass over the carrying pole." A carrying pole? The author is apparently unaware of how much a deer weighs. Try 100 - 200 pounds. And he slings it over a pole and carries it along with the other critters he's trapped? Garbage. No wonder he's named achin'! LOL! If there had been two guys, then yeah, maybe they could have carried it on the carrying pole between them, but he's alone! So why even have a carrying pole?

That's when I decided I’d be better off reading something else that was A. intelligently written, and B. not a lousy story. I can’t commend this at all based on my experience of it. This is also my second Bronwyn Leroux encounter and the first was just as bad so I guess I'm done with this author now.

Hook (audiobook) by Melissa Snark

Rating: WARTY!

Back in June I reviewed the ebook of this novel, and I don't usually revisit works (and usually not authors) where I've been disappointed. I judged the ebook warty for an assortment of reasons and those haven't changed in the audiobook - it's the same book! What I was curious about though, is whether I might perceive that same book differently if I heard it, rather than read it myself.

When you read a book it's between you and the author, but an audiobook brings someone else into the picture - so to speak! - and maybe it might sway perception? Since Chirp had the audiobook on sale for 99 cents, I decided that this was the perfect opportunity to experiment. Yes, 99 cents! I'm guessing others are finding this book as unappealing as I did the first time around, and so the publisher is trying to move it by any means possible.

So, as I said before, this was yet another attempt to wring some value from the antique and ridiculous Peter Pan story. About the only one I've read so far that was worth reading was Tiger Lily by Jodi Lynn Anderson which I reviewed several years ago. I'm currently working on a children's parody myself, skewing all the things that are wrong with the book and with Dipsey's antique and sad animation of it. The first problem with the book is that it's first person. For me it makes for an irritating voice to read because it's usually so unrealistic, and that's especially the case in novel like this one.

They hired an American voice actor to fake a British accent for Captain Hook's daughter - Jaden Hook - like anyone in Britain was named Jaden back when this story was written. Seriously? No marks for Mistress Snark! She could use a few though - to buy herself a clue. My problem though, was who is she supposedly telling this tired story to anyway?>/p>

While I like the idea of a female pirate captain, I don't imagine your average pirate was wont to prattle on about anything let alone a private vendetta between Hook and Pan, not even if there's a switch here and Pan is presented as a villain, kidnapping young children, and Hook as the 'good guy' rescuing them. Since I didn't finish either story, I can't even be sure if this Hook is a reliable narrator - maybe she's just as bad as her dad was, and Pan is still the spiteful, self-centered, narcissistic villain I've always perceived him to be.

The story takes forever to get going and in the end (and by end, I mean middle!), it never really does. That's one reason I quit it. The captain seems only half-hearted in her pursuit of Pan and quite lethargic about it. It takes them forever in trying to sneak up on the speedier Ariel ship, in their own lumbering Revenge, and they never do get there. Yawn.

The chapters are filled with Hook's tedious ramblings, and debates with her crew. What pirate captain debated with their crew? Doesn't 'captain' mean one who is in charge and who gives orders? I quit reading the ebook before I learned that Ariel got away, so I was wondering it if it had been a trap, but it evidently wasn't, according to what I heard here, which begged the question as to what the hell was going on? I have no idea, and worse, I didn't care any more the second time than I did the first!

As I'd concluded earlier, the plot which had initially intrigued me never seemed to have any substance to it. I need more than this in a novel, and this author refuses to stand and deliver! Consequently, I can't commend either the ebook or the audiobook.

Peter and Wendy by JM Barrie

Rating: WARTY!

This is a book based on an earlier work and a play by James Matthew Barrie, that debuted in 1904. The book was published in 1911. Naturally it's a product of its time: a different era, a different mentality, but by today's standards it's sexist and racist. Fortunately it's out of copyright so people can write their own updated versions of this - an advantage of not having copyrights being extended forever by corporations like Disney who want to protect a cartoon mouse, and who in 1953 perpetuated the abusive stereotypes established by Barrie in his original work. Believe it or not, they're planning on two live-action sequels. One for Pan, the other for Tinkerbell. I'll pass. The only thing Disney I have any interest in anymore is what comes out of Marvel Studios.

The story in the book ought to be familiar since the '53 movie follows the text pretty closely for the early part at least. We have Peter losing his shadow and having to return for it. Why he even cares is left unexplained, but in doing so he ends up taking Wendy, John, and Michael with him back to Neverland. Contrary to some stories, Barrie didn't invent the name Wendy. It was in use long before his time, but he was instrumental in popularizing it for about a half century, as a girl's name.

The problem with Wendy is that she's of the 'woman's place is in the home' stable, taken only to provide a mother for the Lost Boys and as someone who can cook and darn clothes. She serves no other purpose and has no other reason for her existence in Barrie's world. He writes: "Wendy's favourite time for sewing and darning was after they had all gone to bed. Then, as she expressed it, she had a breathing time for herself; and she occupied it in making new things for them, and putting double pieces on the knees, for they were all most frightfully hard on their knees." So Wendy's 'me time' was really 'them time', spent in doing chores for others, because evidentky she had not been raised to think she could have a life and neither was Peter Pan, nor anyone else interested in educating her otherwise. This sort of thing used to be known as slavery. No one ever did anything for Wendy.

Wendy was also very much a subject and adherent to the patriarchal society: "Secretly Wendy sympathised with them a little, but she was far too loyal a housewife to listen to any complaints against father. 'Father knows best,' she always said, whatever her private opinion must be." And this was as a grown-up. Yes, she does grow up and Peter, who supposedly forgets things easily, somehow remembers her. The problem with Peter though is his age. He's been failing to grow up for many years, so his actual age isn't that of a boy Wendy's age. He's much older than that, yet in the manner of modern pedophile YA vampire stories, despite being antique and someone who would have no need of a mother figure and no interest in anyone as young as Wendy, he appears for all purposes as a spoiled and still-young boy.

This is ridiculous even if you take into account his forgetfulness. He has not forgotten how long he's been around or the skills and tricks he's learned in those years. He forgets only people and the reason for this is that he's the most narcissistic and self-centered person outside of the White House. He's not a hero. He's just the opposite. He's Donald Trump. Everything is always about him and he has no thought or time for others unless those others benefit him somehow. He's supposedly rescued these 'Lost Boys', but he really doesn't care if they're in danger or what happens to them. Wendy at least steps up in that regard.

So much for genderism. The racism comes in as the 'redskins' are introduced. One of them is Tiger Lily - supposedly a princess and maybe based on Pocahontas. Hers is not a Native American name, and though tigers were mentioned as being on the island, lilies were not! While they are native to east and central North America, the American Indians, if they called them anything at all, would not have called them Tiger lilies! The real problem though is how Tiger Lily talks. Barrie seems to completely conflate Native Americans and Asians, and to employ the worst stereotypes of each. Tiger Lily speaks like this: "Me Tiger Lily...Peter Pan save me, me his velly nice friend. Me no let pirates hurt him." Seriously? Barf.

So no. The story is ridiculous and painfully dated, and there is nothing edifying or redeeming about it. I can't commend it as a worthy read. It's warty all the way through.

Malice by Heather Walter

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

Erratum: "Noses grew bumps when hair was supposed to brittle." I suspect the author meant 'bristle', but this was an advance review copy so hopefully that's already been caught, and I detected no more such hairy moments!

This was an engrossing take on the story of Sleeping Beauty, except the beauty isn't sleeping. It's also an engrossing take on Cinderella. Except that Cinders is the one with the power. And she's called Alyce. And she's evil. So she's been brought up to believe.

Working as a 'dark grace' - that is someone with blood power to effect change - Alyce has always understood herself to be evil in her rotten core. While her 'sisters' at the Lavender house effect looks and charm and other such cosmetic facets, Alyce is reduced to undoing those same charming affectations when one rival wishes to do down another, or to removing or minimizing a quality which a rival wishes to see diminished. Alyce has no plans in life, no dream, no hope, except that one day she might accumulate enough coin to leave the land of Briar behind forever and never look back. Then she meets Princess Aurora, and everything changes, but there's many a slip 'twixt Sapphic lips and the 'A' girls are going to experience a few of them before their happy ending can greet them. Assuming there's to be one.

This book seemed far less than some 500 pages. I flew through it, which is unusual for me, especially of late. There's always something to trip-up a good story, but this novel seemed to avoid most of the pitfalls. Maybe the name choices could have been more original for the leading ladies, but the world was totally believable and entirely fresh and alive. There was always something new and intriguing, and I found myself quickly drawn into its reality, and held to the last. In some ways the novel reminded me of my own Femarine, which is another story aimed at turning tired tropes on their head, but Malice was a very different kettle of wishes from my own invention. It's not an exaggeration to call it enchanting.

Were there faults with it? Yes; no one writes the perfect novel, but the faults were few, minor, and perhaps personal and persnickety. Alyce felt just a wee bit whiny, but not so much that it turned me off her. I grew to like her, but her mentioning of green veins, greasy hair, and scaly skin were slightly repetitious. Her picture was painted perfectly the first time! I felt it unnecessary for the extra brushwork. On the other hand (where those green veins and scales are!), someone who suffered these conditions might well dwell on them so perhaps it was in character. I liked Aurora, too; no spoiled brat she. It was a joy to see them get together, and it was done realistically and intelligently. Believe me, I adore authors who can show that kind of restraint in YA literature. Not that there's much YA 'literature' about, but this novel definitely qualities on that score.

One thing that did bother me about Alyce was how long it took her to finally give some consideration to whether her own powers might be employed to help Aurora's fatal condition. Yes, she's a femme fatal! In fact they both are in different ways, which I thought was choice! But that she never for a minute thinks about whether she could use her considerable - and especially her new-found - powers to cure Aurora until the latter virtually has to beg her to help worked to somewhat undermine their growing love. But like I said, these are very minor quibbles in the overwhelming power of the entire novel. No book is fautless, but this one comes close and I commend it. It left me green-veined with envy, and I wish the author all the success in the fantasy world with it.

The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman

Rating: WORTHY!

This volume concludes the trilogy and begins with Mrs Coulter holding Lyra hostage having apparently had a change of heart toward her and now is not intent upon killing her but saving her. The two hide-out in a remote cave. Balthamos and Baruch, the angels, are intent upon conveying Will to Lord Asriel, but he's going nowhere until he's found Lyra.

The Magisterium is after physicist Mary Malone, sending an assassin to track and eventually kill her after she's led him to Lyra. Mary finds her way through a window between worlds and ends up in a weird place where the dominant species are in many ways rather elephantine creatures which use disk-like seed pods for traveling on natural roads, using the tree oil to lubricate these pod wheels. Mary makes her home in this world for a while and studies the people and the trees, discovering that the dust, leaking between worlds, is causing issues. It is she who invents the amber spyglass.

Will meanwhile has persuaded Iorek Byrnison to help him rescue Lyra. After this occurs they have one of the strangest adventures, wherein Will and Lyra and a couple of others have to visit the world of the dead, and this means leaving their dæmons behind, which is exceedingly painful to them, but they succeed in this heroic quest and survive. This changes Lyra's relationship with Pan, and the two of them can now be further apart than ever they were able before, without enduring the intense pain a separation normally causes. They then have to battle the ghost-like Gallivespians, and they do this by luring them into the world where Mary was hanging out, wand where the Gallivespians cannot survive.

Will and Lyra are now in love as evidenced by the cavorting of their dæmons, but it's a love that's destined to be denied, because they neither of them can survive indefinitely outside of their own world, and so are forced to separate for the rest of their lives, unable even to open a window, because of the leaking Dust problem. Despite this sad ending, I still commend this as a worthy read!

The Subtle Knife by Philip Pullman

Rating: WORTHY!

Will Parry is being sought by bad men, is taking care of his mother, and is obsessed over the disappearance of his father. He thinks that if only he can find his lost explorer father, then all his problems will be solved. He's wrong.

He deposits his mom with a family friend where he feels she will be safe while he goes to Oxford to try and find clues on his father's whereabouts, but the bad guys find him, and suddenly, having accidentally killed one of them, he's on the run, and he stumbles upon a window into a parallel world. In this world he runs into Lyra Silver-tongue, aka Lyra Belaqua, aka Lizzie, who has arrived in this world by following her father over the bridge he created by killing her best friend.

Serafina Pekkala, Lyra's witch friend who is always (very nearly always anyway) known and referred to by her full name for reasons unexplained is searching for her and eventually finds her in Cittàgazze, the city where 'spirits' suck the soul from children as soon as they become adults - however that's defined. When one of the local children is killed in such a way, the other children blame Lyra and Will, and it's only through the intervention of the witches that the two of them escape.

By this time, Will has come into possession of The Subtle Knife. This is a dagger-like implement which can cut through pretty much anything, including the thin veneer between worlds. Will was evidently destined to become the knife bearer, according to the old man, the previous knife-bearer who, now that Will has taken charge of the knife, quickly dies.

Before she is forced to flee C'gazze, Lyra has been with Will to our Oxford, and has met Mary Malone, a physicist who has been investigating dark matter, which turns out to be the very Dust of Lyra's world, and it also turns out to have a certain amount of intelligence.

During their sojourn in Oxford/Cittàgazze, Lyra and will were also forced to recover her alethiometer from Sir Charles Latrom, a man she encounters in Oxford, who knew of her device and stole it from her. He's really Lord Boreal, and in cahoots with Mrs Coulter, until, having extracted the secret of the knife from him, she murders him and sets off in search of this knife. If Lyra is destined to be the second Eve, then Mrs Coulter vows she will also kill her own daughter rather than risk a second fall.

Will finally encounters his father, known as Jopari or Grumman, and disappointing and unsatisfactory it is, too, but he does finally stanch the bleeding finger stubs where Will lost fingers when the took ownership of the knife.

This volume ends with Will returning to Lyra only to discover that she's been kidnapped. Her guardian witches have been killed by spirits, and her alethiometer is all that remains of her. That and two angels, Balthamos and Baruch who are insistent upon Will going with them to join Lord Asriel.

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman

Rating: WORTHY!

In my continuing effort to catch up with reviews of older novels I've read but never got around to reviewing, here goes! This is book one of the 'His Dark Materials' trilogy, and it's one which I've read at least thrice, twice for myself and once for my kids as bedtime stories. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It's brilliant!

I have to add, too, that the audio book which I review here is a treat. I think it's without doubt the best audio presentation to which I've ever listened. The whole thing is performed like a radio play, with a cast of some two dozen, including the author, Philip Pullman himself, narrating. All of them, including Pullman, do an exquisite job. Here's the cast list:

Sean Barrett............Lord Asriel/Iorek Byrnison
Andrew Branch...........Kaisa/Able Seaman Jerry
Douglas Blackwell.......John Faa/Iofur Raknison
Harriet Butler..........Bella
Anna Coghlan............Bridget McGinn
Rupert Degas............Pantalaimon
Alison Dowling..........Mrs. Coulter
David Graham............Jotham Santelia
Stephen Greif...........Martin Lanselius/Sysselman
Garrick Hagon...........Lee Scoresby
Andrew Lamont...........1st Gyptian Boy
Fiona Lamont............Martha
Alexander Mitchell......Hugh Lovat
Arthur Mitchell.........Charlie
Hayward Morse...........The Butler/The Chaplain
John O'Connor...........The Dean
Philip Pullman..........Narrator
Anne Rosenfeld..........Mrs. Lonsdale
Liza Ross...............Stelmaria/Billy
Suzan Sheridan..........Serafina Pekkala/Roger
Jill Shilling...........Ma Costa
Stephen Thorne..........The Master/Farder Coram
Rachel Wolf.............Annie
Joanna Wyatt............Lyra
Other parts were played by members of the cast

Because it's a book, this original novel can go into far more detail than the movie ever did, and every bit of the extra detail is well-worth the reading. It gives a much richer experience, and offers several important differences.

Lyra Belacqua is a girl on the cusp of her teens in an alternate reality where the world is very similar to ours in many regards, but very, very different in others. The most immediately evident of these is in the fact that each of the humans in Lyra's world has a dæmon - an animal companion which represents their soul, and which is inseparable from their human. Lyra's dæmon is named Pantalaimon, but she exclusively refers to him as 'Pan'. The daemon is nearly always of the opposite gender to their human and Pan is amazing, funny, and engaging.

Lyra's parents, we're told, are dead, and she was placed at Jordan college at the University of Oxford, by her uncle, Lord Asrael. She loves the college and is fiercely loyal to it, but is hardly the best student in the world, despite the fact that she is quite obviously precocious and quite smart. Instead she runs wild around the college grounds and in the city, "warring" with her Jordan friends against other colleges, and with other colleges against the townies, and with the townies against the Gyptian travelers who periodically come through the city on their barges.

Lyra loves to explore the college, and when the novel begins, she's in trouble in that she's in a part of the college where women are not allowed, much less children, but she cannot escape, and is reduced to hiding in a wardrobe. From there, she can spy on events through a crack in the door. She watches a meeting between some of the college faculty and Lord Asrael, where she learns about Dust - with a capital D. This isn't your pain to clean and polish kind of dust, but some species of elementary particle which Lord Asrael believes is entering their universe from a parallel world in a separate universe. He asks for and receives funds to go to the north to further investigate this. Why he must go north, I do not know - I guess it's because that's the only place where there's been evidence of this leak between worlds.

This is where we get a significant change from the novel. In the novel, it's the master of Jordan college who tries to poison Asrael by putting something in his favorite drink (Tokay, pronounced Toe-ky - rhymes with sky), whereas in the movie, it's the recognized bad guys, the magisterium - in effect the church authorities, who try to poison him. Lyra is the one who saves his life.

One of Lyra's fears, and the source of some of her games, is 'Gobblers'. These are mysterious shadowy people who are said to abduct children, and she learns that they've arrived in Oxford. In short order, one of her friends among the Gyptians, Billy Costa, and her close friend at Jordan, a servant boy named Roger Parslow both go missing and no one seems to care.

Lyra is indignant, but before she can get too far with her rage, she's rather distracted by the arrival of a woman who rapidly becomes her hero, Mrs Coulter. The latter is exotic, and traveled, and mysterious, and is a "friend" of Jordan college. Lyra is offered the opportunity to go and live with her and become an 'assistant' to her, so she can continue her education, but also learn the ways of women, with which the stodgy and almost exclusively male population of Jordan college cannot help her. Lyra leaps at the opportunity, but soon comes to regret it.

Before she leaves, the Master entrusts Lyra with 'the golden compass' a truth-divining device powered by Dust. It's golden in color, with cryptic symbols around the circumference, and four hands on its dial, three of which Lyra can set to point to the symbols, posing a cryptic question. The fourth then starts rotating and twitching between other symbols, thereby delivering an answer. No one seems to know how to operate this 'alethiometer' but Lyra, to her credit, slowly figures it out. The master tells her that it was a gift to the college from Asrael, and Lyra imagines that the Master wants her to return it to her uncle. He warns her sternly not to ever reveal its existence to Mrs Coulter.

Her time with Coulter is longer in the novel than in the movie, but the termination of it is very similar. She realizes, eventually, that the Gobblers is nothing more than a corruption of the acronym GOB (General Oblation Board) and she and Pan, having suffered somewhat at the hands of Coulter's evil golden monkey (Coulter's dæmon) sneak out one night when Coulter is holding a party. It's quite as precipitous and dramatic as the movie makes it look! They wander the strange streets of London, and end up down by the docks where they encounter some hostile locals, from whom they're rescued by the Gyptians, and they become guests on Ma Costa's barge as the Gyptians travel to East Anglia - the very place I spent several vacations when I was a child! Yes, I'm sure that's the reason they went there.

Lyra learns that she is much sought after by the police, so she lays low on the barge until they reach their destination, where she meets the king of the Gyptians, Lord Faa, and his side-kick, Farder Coram. She shows them the alethiometer. It turns out that the Gyptians are big friends of Asrael's because of his kindness to, and support of them, and they have been keeping an eye on Lyra on his behalf. Lyra also learns, much to her surprise and dismay, Lord Asrael and Mrs Coulter are her actual parents. The Gyptian council figures out, with Lyra's assistance, that the children who are being abducted are being taken to a place in the far frozen north called Bolvangar.

On the sailing boat northwards, and unlike in the movie, Lyra does not meet Serafina Pekkala, the witch lover of the younger Farder Coram, but instead meets her dæmon, which is a goose. Lyra is very impressed that the two can be so far apart. She also encounters two 'spyflies' - mechanical creatures which contain a sting with a sleeping potion in it. She and Farder Coram capture one and keep it in a tin for later destruction.

The novel tells a slightly different story to the movie when it comes to Lyra's recruitment of Iorek Byrnison and her meeting with Lee Scoresby. The movie does a better job. Soon the whole crew is heading out onto the ice and traveling the frozen forest.

At one point, Lyra discovers something truly weird in one of her alethiometer readings which precipitates a trip with the bear one night to a village some hours away, where a 'ghost' is supposed to be tormenting the villagers. It turns out that the ghost is actually Tony Makarios (not Billy Costa as the movie has it). He has undergone the 'intercision' process, meaning that he has been severed from his dæmon. The dæmon, "Ratter" is nowhere to be seen, and Tony has a piece of dried fish as a substitute.

He's pathetic and several stops past sad. Despite her fear and her repugnance over his 'condition", Lyra rescues him and returns him to the Gyptian party where he later dies. recalling an experience from her exploratory days at Jordan, and furious that the Gyptians had fed his dried fish "dæmon" to their dogs, Lyra takes one of her gold coins and carves Ratter's name onto it placing it in Tony's mouth before he is cremated.

Lyra smartly asks Iorek to employ his metal-crafting skills create for her a small tin, about the size of her alethiometer, so that she now has two - a real one, and fake one which contains the spyfly which they caught on the ship. Shortly after this, the party is attacked by Samoyeds, and Lyra is captured and delivered to Bolvangar, where she is sold. This part of the story is much more complex than the movie, which completely excludes the entire part covering the storage of severed dæmons, and Lyra's freeing of them with the aid of Serafina Pekkala's goose dæmon.

Knowing that aid is on its way, Lyra evolves an escape plan for the children, but she is caught spying on a meeting (hiding in the false ceiling, not under the table as in the movie), and the staff decides it's high time for her turn at the intercision process. She's rescued at the last minute (not quite as last minute as the movie depicts!) by Mrs Coulter of all people, who takes her back to her own room and comforts her, but Lyra is in no way fooled now by this woman. When Coulter asks for the alethiometer, Lyra lets her take the fake one, and Coulter is knocked-out by a sting from the spyfly. Lyra pulls the fire alarm, and the children flee into the frozen night.

After a melee, these children are finally linked-up with the Gyptians, and Lyra takes off with Lee Scoresby to continue her quest to find her father and deliver to him the alethiometer. Roger goes along with her, and Scoresby's balloon is towed by witches, which is where Lyra first meets Serafina Pekkala in person.

After more incidents, Lyra finally reaches Asrael, who is not interested in her compass, but in her companion. Lyra wakes up the next morning to discover that Asrael has left and taken Roger with him. She realizes that he intends to sever Roger from his dæmon in order to generate sufficient power to make a passageway to the other world which can be seen in the Northern Lights. Contrary to the movie, this is where Lyra crosses the crumbling snow bridge, but she arrives too late to save Roger.

Lyra has a breakdown at Roger's fate and her impotence to stop it, from which she is distracted by her observations of her father and mother reconciling. Asrael tries to talk her into crossing the bridge with him, promising to love her unconditionally if she does, but vowing to forget her completely if she does not. Coulter is sorely tempted, but in the end, she leaves, bound for England, whereas Asrael goes across the bridge he created and into the parallel world which is now opened up. Left alone, Lyra and Pan discuss their options. They decide to pursue Asrael and to try to find the source of the dust before he does so they can thwart any plans he has for it.

This is a brilliant novel, well-deserving of the accolades heaped upon it. I liked the move very much, but this is much more fulfilling and rewarding as are the other two novels in this Dark Materials trilogy. I fully commend then all.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling

Rating: WORTHY!

This tome (or even tomb) is the last of the series of course, and finally brings the much-awaited confrontation between Tom, Dick, and Harry - except there's no Dick. What happened to him? No one knows! So it's just Tom Riddle and Harry Potter, but it takes hundreds of pages before we actually get there. For me it's between this and volume five as to which is my favorite of the whole series. The part I like the most is the "road trip" where the three main characters go on the run, camping out in the wilds, enduring a horrible winter, alone and almost rudderless, as they try to figure out where the horcruxes are, and how to get them and destroy them.

The story is quite gripping, and very seductive. The death toll rises rather disturbingly right after we begin with the seven Harry Potters flying out of Privet Drive. Six of his friends and acquaintances drink poly-juice potion so they look like Harry, of course, but why Mundungus Fletcher was included is a complete mystery since he's totally unreliable. How he ever got into the order is an equal mystery. There was no reason that it had to be specifically seven people, so clearly it was done for no other reason than to kill off Mad-Eye Moody. And this volume is all about sevens, isn't it?! Seven Harrys. Seven horcruxes. Seven important deaths: Mad-Eye, Hedwig, Dobby, Remus, Tonks, George, and finally, Voldemort.

The seven Harry pairings were thus:

• Alastair "Mad-Eye" Moody
• Mundungus Fletcher
• Arthur Weasley
• Fred Weasley
• Bill Weasley
• Fleur de la Coeur
• Kingsley Shacklebolt
• Hermione Granger
• Nymphadora Tonks
• Ron Weasley
• Remus Lupin
• George Weasley
• Rubeus Hagrid
• Harry Potter

The seven horcrux repositories were these:

• Tom Riddle's Diary - destroyed by Harry with a basilisk fang in book 2
• Marvolo Gaunt's Ring destroyed by Dumbledore (with the sword of Gryffindor?)
• Salazar Slytherin's Locket destroyed with the sword
• Helga Hufflepuff's Goblet destroyed with a basilisk fang
• Rowena Ravenclaw's Diadem destroyed by fiend fire
• Tom Riddle's familiar: Nagini killed by Neville with the sword
• Harry Potter himself, killed by Voldemort himself

My question about the seven porters and their escorts is: Why didn't they all apparate (to the vicinity of their destination) soon as they saw the death-eaters, and then fly through the protections? This is a huge mystery. So what if they were traced - they were traced by the chasing death eaters anyway! Clearly it was all done for pure drama, but it made little sense.

Mad-Eye is inexplicably paired with Mundungus for the transition. The 'logic' here supposedly was that the death eaters would think that the most powerful wizard, Alastair Moody, would be the one protecting Harry, so why did they pair the weakest wizard with him, impersonating Harry? Why not put another really strong wizard there? It would seem that Rowling had decided to kill-off Moody and nothing was going to get in her way, so both Moody and Hedwig were lost, and Harry's ever-growing isolation was maintained at a rolling boil.

I also have to ask why there are always more death-eaters than ever there are good wizards and witches? The story makes it look like it's just a pitiful handful of folks in the order, and in the final stand at Hogwarts, and endless thousands of evil villains. Yes, in a situation like this there would always be more selfish than selfless, but by those proportions?

It seemed unrealistic because it strongly suggests that the overwhelming majority of witches and wizards were either evil or were cowards, which is nonsensical. It makes it look like there was barely another magician in the entire world who had a decent bone in their body. I don't buy that. It's a case of a writer focusing very tightly on a small handful of people and either forgetting or disregarding reality for the sake of making a point

I thought it was interesting how Rowling modeled the take-over of Voldemort's supporters on the rise of the Nazis under Hitler in the nineteen-thirties, but it's sad that she depicted people being just as blinkered and stupid now as they were back them - overlooking or ignoring or being blind to what was really going on, and being utterly unable to fight back even when they knew. Rather a lot of this series depended upon those qualities though, all designed (or ignored) for the purpose of bringing about that final confrontation at Hogwarts between Tom and Harry.

I mean seriously, when you think about it, all that needed to be done at the end was to have someone apparate behind Voldemort and perform a quick avada kadavra (another cool name - perhaps the coolest spell of all the ones Rowling invented). For that matter, why not have seven wizards apparate behind him and perform seven avadas, one to kill each of his horcruxes? If one worked on Harry, then shouldn't seven kill Voldemort? Why didn't avada work directly on the horcruxes for that matter? It was never tried.

Given how quickly and easily the protections on the Burrow fail when the ministry falls makes me wonder what the use was of the protections at all. Recall it wasn't just the ministry who provided the protections. The order did also. How did everything fail so quickly and comprehensively as soon as the ministry fell? Was the magic somehow tied to the ministry? There's no explanation given for this. Even if the fall of the ministry allowed the evil side to figure out what the protections were, that shouldn't mean they could beat them so readily, otherwise what was the point of applying them?!

If the protections were so weak, how come Voldemort couldn't defeat them that night when Harry fled Privet drive for the Tonks's residence? Exactly how did the fall of the ministry weaken the protections - especially the ones which the order applied? None of this was explained, much less made any sense at all, but it did make for a very dramatic appearance of Kingsley's patronus at the wedding, a panic, and a sudden flight for Harry, Hermione, and Ron.

Of course, if these so-called protections were of the weak-as-weasel-piss variety that was given to the philospher's stone in volume one, it's no surprise that they fell. It begs the question as to why Harry wasn't secreted at a location protected by the fidelius charm - as was 12 Grimmauld Place. Plot holes and weaknesses! Plot holes and weaknesses!

The wisdom of Dumbledore telling only Harry about the horcruxes is highly suspect. If he trusted Snape, why not have Snape seek them out? If he trusted the other members of the order, why not tell each of them? Sirius Black was on the run for two years before he died. Why didn't Dumbledore set him on the task of finding the horcruxes? Clearly it was because it had to be Harry all the way, but this was still a weakness in the story. It could just as easily have been written in a way that made it clear that Harry was the only one who could find them because of his link with Voldemort.

After a brief spell (pun intended) in Tottenham Court Road, the three travelers resort to hiding out at Sirius Black's (now Harry's) residence in Grimmauld Place, but how is this secure? Again Rowling's inability to set Snape down on one side or the other of this war is what trips the story up. If Snape knew where it was, then why did he not tell Voldemort and his followers? If Sirius's will made it clear that Harry owned the house, and the address was known, how come the Death eaters on guard outside couldn't see it? How come neither Nigellus Black nor any of the other Black family members in those portraits ever revealed the fact that the trio was in residence there? Plot holes!

After too much time passes, the three finally come-up with a plan to retrieve the locket from Dolores Umbridge which is a fun and exciting adventure and starts to build the Harry Potter rebel-on-the-run legend. The problem is that once they possess it, they can't figure out how to destroy it. They do at one point discuss the value of the basilisk fang, but they can't figure out how to get one. Plot hole! Why not have Dobby (or even Kreacher, after he became loyal to Harry) apparate into Hogwarts, grab a few fangs, and return with them? Obviously because the tension has to build, the fights have to ensue, the hopelessness has to make itself felt, before the downhill ride towards certain victory can take place, but it's still a plot hole.

This same solution applies to retrieving the goblet from Gringotts (another great name!). Why can't elves simply apparate into and out of there? Maybe the goblin magic was stronger than elf magic, but elves seem to be able to get anywhere - even "lowly" house elves - so why not there? Again because it would have robbed the story of a rather cool escapade in which the trio could be immersed - a robbery and a dramatic escape on a dragon.

Another issue is the depressing effect of carrying that locket. Why do they do this? It's not necessary. They could simply keep it in Hermione's bag, or wrap it in some sort of charm, but again it's necessary to the story to have the tension and dissension and the disruption, although why Rowling felt it necessary to split Ron away and leave Harry and Hermione together is a mystery.

At a later date Rowling suggested that she'd made a mistake in pairing Hermione with Ron. It should have been Harry and Hermione, she said, but that would have paired Ginny with Ron, which would have been completely out of the question! I think she made the right choice to do it as she did. Pairing Ginny with Harry was an enlightened choice. They simply seemed to fit, and Ginny was a very powerful witch in her own right. We saw nowhere near enough of her in the story, but keeping her romance with Harry largely out of it was a wise decision. It remains a mystery as to why Hermione would pair with Ron, but who cares, really?

Another option would, of course, have been pairing Luna and Harry since they did seem to bond. I'd like to recommend to Rowling that when she revisits the Potter world, as she inevitably must, that she follow Luna on some adventures! That said, it seems odd that the death eaters would hold Luna Lovegood hostage in volume 7. She really had no tight connection to the Harry-Hermione-Ron triumvirate. Yes, she was in the big fight in volume five, but she never really was part of the Harry entourage like the others (and even Ginny and Neville) were, so the connection/imprisonment felt a bit forced and odd to me.

I don't get the deal with Snape delivering the sword of Godric Gryffindor to Harry. How did he even know where Harry was? We were told that no one can trace those who apparate. If he knew where Harry was, then why didn't he betray him? Whose side is he on? If he's on Dumbledore's/Harry's, then why so hostile to Harry and helpful to Voldemort? If he's on Voldemort's then why so helpful to Dumbledore and Harry? None of this made sense. His loyalty to Lily certainly didn't extend to Harry as he demonstrated repeatedly. Harry was no better than James to him, and he detested James with a vengeance.

There's no explanation in the movie, but in the book we learn that Snape knows where Harry is because Nigellus overhears Hermione talking about going to the Forest of Dean, which is in Gloucestershire (pronounced Gloss-tuh-shuh). It's over forty square miles, and knowing Harry is in an area of that size doesn't remove the protective charms Harry and Hermione have been using. Now if Snape knew exactly where they were camping, then he could wait until one of them appeared outside of the charmed zone, but he doesn't have a clue where they are, and they routinely do not come out of the protection! How did he find Harry?

I don't get why Harry isn't completely honest with Griphook when they were planning the raid on the bank vault. They don't need to tell him about the horcruxes, but Harry could have promised him the sword, but when he's done with his task. He could have told him that the sword was crucial to completing the task and defeating Voledemort. In the end it didn't matter, of course, but it seemed an odd piece of writing, and made both Harry and Hermione seem much more duplicitous than they needed to be. To me this betrayed the whole "treat magical creatures as equals, not inferiors" thing which Hermione had going on.

Harry's connection to Voldemort proves to be extremely useful to him throughout this volume, keeping him abreast of what Voldemort is doing or thinking. It also reveals that the next horcrux is at Hogwarts and precipitates the final showdown. I don't get why Harry didn't seek to deprive Voldemort of the Elder Wand. I know he changed his focus back from the diversion into the hallows and onto the horcruxes, but just for the sake of depriving Voldemort and pissing him off, he could have had Dobby or Kreacher go get it as soon as he realized where it was.

It wasn't helpful at all that Dumbledore pushed him off track onto the hallows digression. It made no sense. It's like the deathly hallows was an entirely different story and it was something of a mystery to me as to why Rowling introduced it at this late stage. Obviously it was tied to the elder wand, but it seemed a bit much.

And speaking of unhelpful, Aberforth - who by then ought to have known what Harry was up to - could have been more helpful - especially when Harry and Co. were captured by snatchers. Another unhelpful character was Lady Helena. I don't get why the Grey Lady is so difficult to the point where she gives them a riddle instead of saying it's in the room of requirement. For that matter why didn't Harry simply ask the RoR to show him the location which contained the diadem?! If it responded to need, no one had a greater need than Harry right then of finding that thing!

So wouldn't Nagini have been thought the true owner of the Elder wand? It wasn't Voldemort who killed Snape, but Nagini. Voldemort must have been really stupid if he thought that he could "win it" by having someone else kill Snape. He must have been even more stupid if he thought he could win it when Snape didn't even physically possess it at the time! Once again Snape is inexplicably helpful in passing on memories to Harry after Voldemort mortally wounds him. How he doesn't immediately die remains a mystery, but then he couldn't have passed on those memories, of course!

But this is how Harry learns that he must die. I'm not sure of the point of bringing back the dead to accompany him through the forest, or how it worked the way it did - without problematic repercussions for Harry or for those he returned - his parents tell him they're with him all the way, but they have been conspicuous by their absence for the last seven years (as indeed was Sirius for the last two), not helping him at all. Nor do they help him now in any meaningful sense. He's never needed them to bolster his courage before, so in some ways it was weird, but in others, understandable.

As if to compound this dun of the dead error, Dumbledore shows up with Harry at King's Cross (another allusion to Harry as the Messiah/savior?!) after he's offered Harry no help at all for the entire last year! Again, dramatic, but senseless, as is Narcissa's sudden siding with him in the forest when she was ready duel with him during his escape from the Malfoy residence. This can be put down to her panic over the welfare of her child, but she has no reason to think Harry had anything to do with his survival.

The final battle royal(!) in which not only Fred Weasley, but also, oddly, the married couple of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks, all die is quite epic. I preferred the one in the book. Given that they had rendered the final volume into a two-parter for the movie, it was hard to understand why they changed so much. In the book, everyone gets to see Harry defeat Tom, fair and square in the dining hall. Nothing is hidden - there is no room for rumors to begin that Voldemort isn't dead. In the movie, he's robbed of this - defeating him with no witnesses, and then the body devolving into dust that blows away? What's to prevent anyone claiming he's still alive? Nothing! Bad move for the movie makers.

I want to say a final word about what is, in my view, the biggest indictment against Rowling in this whole series. Some would argue that it's the fact that she made Harry male instead of female, and it's a good argument, but it's not mine. Big publishing&Trade; would probably have made her change it to a male anyway - they made her change her name to initials (one of which she doesn't even have!). No, the problem is that we have a female writer who has created some great female characters, yet not once in the entire seven book series - 4,100 pages in the US version, 3,407 pages in the British version (which had a smaller typeface) - was there any bonding between any of the female characters.

Yes, there were females shown talking together and hanging out together, such as the Parvati sisters, and some brief interactions between Ginny and Hermione, but out of the three main female characters towards the end, Hermione, Ginny, and Luna, who fought together in volume five, not a one of them was ever shown doing anything of significance with any other female character. it was all Harry and Hermione or Harry and Ron and that was it. Shame on Rowling for denying women any bonding at all in over a million words.

These carps aside, I have to rate this series overall as a worthy read, because it does have a story to tell despite the holes and issues, and it did a monumental job of getting middle grade and YA literature back into children's minds and, more importantly (especially given the issues I raised!), hearts.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by JK Rowling

Rating: WORTHY!

This is another Harry Potter novel that opens with no Harry Potter in sight to begin with. This is also the novel which Rowling herself felt best about in the entire series from what I've read: the one which she liked the most, and which she spent a lot more time in planning, having learned a lesson from the difficulties she had with volume four, which necessitated an extensive rewrite. I think this is conversely, my least favorite!

This time we get Bellatrix Lestrange, arguably the most powerful witch in the entire seven volume series (aside from Molly Weasley, of course!), and her kid sister Narcissa Malfoy apparating to a location close to where Severus Snape lives in a rather run-down neighborhood. Why they don't apparate somewhat closer to his house than they do is slightly mysterious, but I guess you can explain that away by their desire to remain unobserved by Muggles, but this begs the question as to why they would even care.

It's a rather bigger mystery as to why Wormtail is staying with Snape. Draco Malfoy has evidently been tasked by Voldemort with working on a cabinet hidden away in the Room of requirement. This cabinet has a twin in the Borgin and Burkes dark magic shop off Diagon Alley, which Harry encountered in Chamber of Secrets - another example of Rowling's intensive long-range planning of her seven book series. Death Eaters plan on using this to get into Hogwarts. Why? Seriously, why? We never learn.

The ostensible plan is to murder Dumbledore, but they could have done that at any time. Throughout their entire novel, Dumbledore is traveling, it would not have been hard for the death eaters to track him down and "do him", but once again we're locked into Rowling's one-year plan, so to kill him off earlier would have failed her scheme of things, but this still fails to explain why Dumbledore was considered so far advanced beyond any other wizard in his power that he was the only threat to Voldemort. I find it hard to credit that out all the witches and wizards on the planet, there was quite literally no other wizard even approaching Dumbledore in power, and who was also a good person. It beggars belief.

Evidently Draco is now a Death-Eater and getting others into Hogwarts, and killing Dumbledore, is how he will prove himself. Why get Death-Eaters in if Draco is going to kill Dumbledore? They did nothing when they arrived so what was the point? The main problem is two-fold here, from what I can see. First of all, why Draco? Snape is already there. He could let Death-Eaters in any time he wanted. If they absolutely have to use the cabinet, he could have fixed it and presumably far faster than Draco did. So why Draco? I have no idea except that once again we're writing to formula instead of to a realistic plot pace and authenticity, and so we have the adventure play out over an entire school year and employ one of Harry's rivals rather than an adult.

The second issue is: why would anyone actually want to join Voldemort? They're wizards. They can do and have anything they want, quite literally, so where is the impetus to subjugate themselves to a psychotic wizard? Voldemort's motivation is criminal, but at least he has one. He wants to dominate the Muggles, kill-off the "half-breeds" and rule the rest, but to what end? He's no better off then than he is as a plain, ordinary wizard, and he has the added headache of all that responsibility! It makes no sense, but then Voldemort didn't have to.

Voldemort doesn't need a goal since he's completely loony tunes, but you would think others do. I mean there would no doubt be other psychos who would join him because like attracts like, but this fails to explain why so many people would actually volunteer for his crusade. What would it net them that they don't have already? It's the same problem with some of the James Bond stories. Why would criminal "masterminds" spend billions to set up something which would only serve at best to recoup the billions they've had to spend? None of it makes any sense!

Harry appears when Dumbledore once again uses him in much the same way, since we've already made the comparison, that 'M' employs James Bond: as a blunt instrument to achieve his ends, but at least Bond gets the facts; Harry never does! In this case, the job is to recruit Horace Slughorn as potions master, yet we never learn why Dumbledore was so obsessed with hiring Slughorn. Yes, Slughorn had this knowledge about what Voldemort was up to way back when, but Dumbledore could just as readily have got that by doing some magic on him and reading his mind. This elaborate farce was nonsensical.

The bigger question is why didn't Dumbledore, who himself dabbled in the dark arts when he was younger, already know about horcruxes? It beggars belief to think he would be ignorant, given his history and his relationship with Tom Riddle. Besides at this point, Dumbledore already knows that Voldemort has made horcruxes. So we have this whole story built around retrieving information from a character which ultimately tells us nothing that we didn't know already. The most crucial piece of information was how many horcruxes Voldemort had made. This was the key to defeating him since every one of them evidently has to be destroyed, but Slughorn did not have that knowledge. The simple use of a time-turner would have been ideal for tracking Voldemort's actions, and identifying the horcruxes and their secret locations, yet never once is this put forward as a solution! Plot hole!

It's a bit obvious from the start that the potions book which Harry gets hold of belonged to Snape and that, therefore, he had to be the Half-Blood Prince, and who cares anyway? It's not like unraveling this "mystery" actually solved any dark problem or brought any evil-doers to book. I think this is why I disliked this book perhaps more than even Goblet of Fire (although the two are close!). It really wasn't a story like the others were, it was more like six hundred pages of exposition. And Rowling got away with it!

And what about the staff shuffle? Suddenly, Snape is now absolutely fine as the teacher of the Defense Against the Dark Arts class? Why now after sixteen years is it perfectly fine to give him the job he's most qualified for, but not at any time prior to this? Again, Rowling offers absolutely no explanation whatsoever for this. Plot hole!

Why Hermione gets so angry with Harry is a bit of a mystery, too. Yes, she has a valid concern about his use of the half Blood Prince's potion-preparing tips, but to get so bent out of shape is overkill. It's a school text book, not a dark arts book, and the tips work. Besides, how come she didn't simply come up with a spell to show who used that book over the years? She was always magically on top of things at other times, why not now? She does pull out a spell to test it for dark influences, but she never thinks about tracing its history? Again Hermione is made to look dumb.

Harry's newfound 'facility' with potions does help win him the bottle of Felix Felicis, and it's cool how he tricks Ron into thinking he got lucky in quidditch, but the fact that Harry's sudden excellence in potions trips no one's alarm bell is a complete mystery. Wouldn't McGonagle have wondered, even vaguely, how a poor student - which is, let's face it, what Harry was at best - could have risen to brilliance over the course of one summer with no practice? Once again wizards and witches are shown to be amazingly blind and stupid. And what's with Harry's "acceptable" being unacceptable for pursuing a higher education? The scoring system makes no sense!

In this volume, Dumbledore suddenly has time for Harry, but he still won't tell him what's really going on. Once again, Dumbledore is shown to be a complete a jerk - and a moron, too. So his hand is cursed - so what? Cut it off and have Madam Pomfrey regrow it healthily. This is never put forward as an option, not even to shoot it down with some magical explanation. It's merely left hanging there which again makes wizards and witches look clueless and inept and Rowling look like a bad writer. And if this is a deadly spell, why isn't it included along with the other unforgivable curses?!

We do get to see some interesting history and enjoy the pensieve once again, which I always thought was cool in the movies, although if they were a person's memory, it was completely ridiculous that we never saw the imagery from that person's PoV. This is a mistake made frequently when exploring memory, but it's really, really bad in Rowling's case. If it was person X's memory, then that memory would never show person X from a third person perspective. And what's with the idiotic Muggle clothing - the guy wears a one piece swimsuit under an overcoat? Where did he even get that idea? This merely serves to highlight how profoundly stupid and moronic the wizards and witches are in Rowling's world. It's not even funny.

We learn, during the course of these visits, that there are at least three horcruxes, two of which are already destroyed. The first was down to Harry stabbing Tom Riddle's diary with a basilisk fang in Chamber of Secrets and the second was Dumbledore's sole contribution to bringing down Voldemort. He destroyed the locket at the cost of his own life - or more accurately at the cost of his own pointless death, but he never once explains to Harry how to destroy the horcruxes, verifying yet again what a swine Dumbledore truly was. None of this tells them how many more horcruxes Voldemort has created or where they are - so how does Dumbeldore know that four remain? (There are actually five, but once again he's lying to Harry about that because he's a manipulative a jerk).

It's in this volume that Ron and Hermione finally hook up, although what she sees in him is a complete mystery. Harry also gets it on with Ginny, who's had the hots for him since volume one, according to Ron, but none of this really goes anywhere or contributes anything to this story.

Dumbledore shows what a weak wizard he is by being utterly unable to figure any way around the potion guarding the locket. He couldn't get an inferi to drink it? He couldn't magically line his alimentary canal to prevent harm, and drink it himself? Clearly Voldemort here has defeated the supposed most powerful wizard in the world. This is the price of Rowling's determination to weaken and kill off Dumbledore, but it makes him look stupid again. He has to be killed off at any price, so there you go.

One thing I never did get at the end was why the movie people changed Rowling's original story. In the book, Dumbledore freezes Harry (who is hidden under his invisibility cloak) and he literally cannot do a thing, yet the movie has him hiding one floor below the top of the tower, where he could have helped, but failed to do so. In short, the movie made Harry look like a coward and a loser, which is completely adrift from how the book had portrayed him. Go figure! I don't get why Rowling allowed them to get away with such an abusive change to her story.

This is how Harry gets to see Draco disarming Dumbledore, and thereby unknowingly taking possession of the Elder wand, before Snape comes up and carries out Dumbledore's instruction to kill him. It's also here that Harry proves himself once again to be a self-centered jerk when he abandons Ginny, who is fighting for her life, in his blind-rage pursuit of Snape. He could have donned his invisibility cloak and taken down several of the Death-Eaters, but he fled the scene, ignored the needs of his supposed friends and the Order of the Phoenix members, and ran away. Jerk.

Harry also shows how weak of a wizard he is - and this is the year after he has been teaching "defense against the dark arts" to students - as he fails to get Snape, but this isn't even the most inexplicable thing here! We have Death-Eaters in the castle, and they have a chance to wreak havoc, yet instead of firing Avada Kadavra killing curses, destroying everything in sight, and perhaps unleashing fiend fire into the school, they're using pathetic high-school level jinxes? Clearly Rowling didn't want to kill off scores of her reader's favorite characters here, but this is a massive plot hole, every bit as big as the one in Order of the Phoenix, where they previously failed to kill anyone.

These are supposed to be death eaters - feared and deadly, dangerous and remorseless, yet every time we encounter them, all they ever do is vomit up weak as weasel-piss amateur magic. Where the hell did they ever get their reputation?! I consider this a major failing on Rowling's part. I can see how she wouldn't want this kind of thing in the very earliest volumes, but these kids are now fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and yet she still offers us no more danger than she did in volume one!

So the story ends with an unnecessarily dead Dumbledore, and HRH vowing to destroy Voldemort by eradicating all his horcruxes. This, for me, was the most boring book in the series maybe in competition with Goblet, yet it still got a story told and kept my interest in following the series.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by JK Rowling

Rating: WORTHY!

This novel is my favorite of all the seven in this series, but I still had issues with it, including boredom from reading parts that I had found only passable the first time through. The biggest one is what a jerk both Harry and Dumbledore are, Dumbledore for treating Harry like crap and Harry for being such a fly-off-the-handle sore-head.

The novel starts with Harry at "home" with the ridiculous caricatured aunt, uncle, and Dudley. This is the one where Harry treats Dudley like crap, ragging on him and taunting him. In some ways it's understandable given the way he's been treated, but frankly it makes Harry look like a jerk and a bully.

In the first chapter, amusingly titled "Dudley Demented" and on the way home one evening, they encounter the dementors in an alley. This is handled better in the movie, where the encounter occurs in a claustrophobic pedestrian underpass, than in the novel, where it's in an alley. I prefer the way Harry deals with the second dementor, too, sweeping his wand so his patronus charges the length of the tunnel to rescue Dudley.

In the book, Harry actually talks to it, telling it to go get the dementor, and it obeys him, which is intriguing. The patronus isn't really talked about at all in the books - not in any detail regarding what it is or whence it really comes, but this suggests that it actually is an intelligent life form, which begs a whole host of questions (half a host I find to be entirely insufficient on most occasions). I mean, why is the patronus not the wizard's magical familiar instead of an owl or a toad or cat? Once again it seems Rowling's world is rather lacking substance here.

The really interesting thing though, is that the wizard who was supposed to be shadowing Harry (unknown to Harry himself at the time) was Mundungus, who took off after a criminal deal, deserting his post. There are two major issues with this. The first is that given how criminally useless "Dung" is here, why, oh why is he picked to be one of the six Harry impersonators in volume seven? It makes no sense at all except to kill off yet another person in Harry's life, which Rowling has been resolutely undertaking since volume one!

The other issue is one I've raised before and I'm sure I'll raise again: why would Dung even care about a bunch of "cauldrons that fell off the back of a broom"? He's a magician. He can magic into place anything he wants. Why would he be a criminal?

It makes no sense at all except that Rowling is still making the same errors here as she has made in every volume since the first: she's trying to create a magical world, but is making it exactly like our own world with the sole exception of the magic - and the level of stupid. This is nonsensical when you think about it, so most people choose not to - as do I when I want to enjoy the stories, but when you do give it some thought, you realize how wrong it all is from the perspective of writing an intelligent novel.

Harry arrives home and immediately gets his letter from the ministry telling him that he's expelled from Hogwarts because of his illegal use of under-age magic. This is without trial, and without even an investigation, and in complete contradiction of some other such events. It's inconsistent. Guilt is presumed, not innocence until guilt is proven. Who would even want to live under a totalitarian system like that? How could they enforce it in a magical world?

This "Big Brother" portrayal of the ministry is one which Rowling avails herself of more than once in this book, and it's also shown in the movie by the huge image of Cornelius Fudge, the minister of Magic, looking down ominously on everyone in the main hall of the ministry when Harry goes in for his trial.

The problem here is that it shows the witch and wizard community once again to be bastards and morons. There was no investigation of Harry, much less a trial, and he's been expelled? People might try to argue that this is something new, brought on by the suspicion and paranoia arising from Harry's revelation that Voldemort was back in the previous volume, but it's merely a continuance of the stupidity, ignorance and paranoia that has been a marked trait of witches and wizards throughout the series.

The escorting of Harry to Grimmauld Place is an unnecessary preview of the escape depicted in volume seven. Harry has been wandering around his neighborhood for two months and no one has bothered him at all, yet it's suddenly thought necessary to have an escort of aurors and senior wizards and take a circuitous route to Sirius's London home, now HQ for the Order of the Phoenix (about which Hermione seems to know little despite her light reading)?

I don't really get the shouting portrait of Sirius's grandmother, or whoever she was. So the sticking charm couldn't be undone (not even by the greatest wizard ever?!), then why not try some spells on it - such as bombarda or scourgify? Or muffliato? Or just get some noise-dampening fabric, add a dampening spell to it, and stick it permanently to the picture? No reason except that Rowling chose not to, thereby making the wizards and witches there look inept and clueless.

Sirius is chomping at the bit, feeling useless and desperate to get involved, which is Rowling's way of setting him up for his death which Harry alone causes and is responsible for due to his stupidity, hot temper, and propensity for precipitous action. The problem is that Sirius could have done all kinds of things. He could have been out killing off death eaters, for example. So what if the bad guys know he's an animagus? How are they going to tell which black dog he is out of all the black dogs out there?

He could have been looking for horcruxes. He could have gone to talk to the giants with or without Hagrid the clown. He could have been spying on the death eaters using Harry's cloak of invisibility. He could have been recruiting people to the cause. He could have been boning-up on advanced magic to make himself a much better magician and much less of a victim waiting to happen. There were scores of things he could have done, but chose not to. I don't want to hear his self-obsessed whining.

Dumbledore's colossal failure with Harry is blatantly obvious here. All he - or anyone at Grimmauld Place - had to do was tell Harry that Voldemort could read his mind and this was why he was being kept out of the loop, but not a single one of these dipshits has the smarts to say this one simple thing to him. The inability of people to say simple things to one another - to communicate - is rife in this series and is such a contrived method of plotting that it's actually plodding and amateur.

Dumbledore is a complete jerk, as his atrocious behavior towards Harry at his trial demonstrates handsomely. Dumbledore could have brought Harry to Grimmauld place and started his occlumency training at any time after school was out (as could Sirius), but he stupidly left it to the person Harry hated most, who also hates Harry the most, to do this when he returns to Hogwarts. How brain-dead dumb(ledore) can you get? it;s right there in the name. All bluster and dumb as a door.

When he gets to school, instead of keeping his head down and working on learning how to be the best wizard he can so he can face the evil that's out there, Harry once again proves himself to be an idiot, a slacker, and a loser. This is how he gets detention with the sadist Dolores Umbridge. Harry could have fixed this accusation of his lying about Voldemort's return by suggesting he be tested with veritaserum in front of the whole school, but he's too dumb to think of it, as evidently, is the entire magical community. They could have taken a time-turner and gone back to the graveyard to spy on events, but they're too profoundly stupid to think of that, too.

Instead he mouths-off in class and gets detention with Umbridge where she literally tortures him, and then he's too stupid to complain and get her thrown out of the school! No one in this entire series is as stupid as The Chosen One! Even Hermione fails him by refusing to report this torture. She could have had Umbridge thrown out of the school, but no.

Umbridge's poor teaching results in "Dumbledore's Army", but the sorry thing is that not a single one of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers ever actually taught any defense against anything. The closest we came was with Lockhart's dueling club, which actually didn't teach anything during its short life.

Harry's blind stupidity gets him into trouble again when he shows what a lousy and stupid student he is and makes no effort whatsoever at occlumency. Why this was not lesson one, day one, in the first year of school is a mystery, but let's face it, Hogwarts truly was a really lousy school and the teachers utterly clueless.

Instead of dealing with Umbridge's insanity, Dumbledore runs away, leaving the kids completely abandoned. Harry, because of his habit of sticking his nose into other people's private business, is thrown out of Snape's private occlumency classes, and then outright lies about it to Hermione. This results directly in him effectively murdering his own godfather by failing to grasp that Voldemort has pulled one over on him. He rushes off to the ministry without telling anyone in authority, necessitating a rescue by the Order, and Sirius's death. Harry failed in a second way to prevent this death, too, as we shall see.

I really loved the fight in the ministry between the Death eaters and Harry's gang, but looked at from a dispassionate point of view, it really was the most ridiculous and pathetic piece of writing. There are what, twenty Death Eaters to six fifth year students. The Death Eaters have nothing to lose. They supposedly have no qualms about killing people - as we are repeatedly told - yet not one of them hits any of the six with an avada kadavra spell! Instead they're reduced to doing ridiculous joke spells such as first years learn!

The Death Eaters had the element of surprise. All they had to do was hit the students with five avadas, a petrificus on Harry, and an accio orb, and they were done, yet there's this asinine chase through the ministry, and the absurd thing is that the students are winning. Not one of them gets seriously hurt.

Despite the fact that they repeatedly win duels with the Death Eaters, never once does Harry's team even take their wands. Had they broken the wands immediately after stunning the death Eaters, and hit them with multiple follow-up curses to really put them out of the game, they would not have left the order members so many of them to fight, all armed with pristine wands. Again, Harry's defense against the dark arts failed. But of course Rowling could not write this realistically because all six of the students would have died and there would never have been any million-selling sequels!

The saddest thing about this volume was that it all centered on a useless prophecy about Harry. The prophecy was, like all prophecies, Biblical, fictional or whatever, completely void of utility and pathetic. It gave nothing to anyone. If it had been destroyed as soon as it was realized that Voldemort sought it, the problem would have been averted - but of course there would have been no story, just as with the Philosopher's stone. Had Dumbledore told Harry this is what Voldemort was after and warned him not to go anywhere near it, the crisis would have been averted, but of course there would have been no story.

The rule that Harry was the only one who could get it made no sense. What did that mean - he was the only one who could hear it? Who could lift it off the shelf? Who could carry it away? Who could understand it? It seems like the only one of these rules that applied was physically lifting it off the shelf. Clearly he could have given it to the Death Eaters once he took it off the shelf. Even had Voldemort heard it, it would have made no difference, so putrid a prophecy was it - like all so-called prophecies. He was out to kill Harry anyway, so it made no difference to anything.

This book had the most pathetic plot ever! And still Rowling made a best seller of it - or rather, her desperate readers did. despite all the problems I had with it, I still enjoyed reading it, especially the battle at the end. I love that kind of thing, but I must admit even when I read this the first time I was rather disappointed in the execution of it.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by JK Rowling

Rating: WORTHY!

Surprisingly, about half the Potter books begin without Harry taking the stage immediately. This is one of them. Voldemort is now forced to live a miserable existence as some unspecified hobgoblin creature drinking Nagini's "milk" (since snakes are not mammals, one can only assume this means venom), being attended upon by Peter Pettigrew, aka Wormtail. He kills Frank Bryce, the old man who tends the grounds, and Harry sees this in a dream, but soon (and inexplicably, I might add!) forgets the details.

Usually the opening sequence is to jump to Harry (or after a digression, jump to him, and share his misery at being under the thumb of the Dursleys at 4 Privet drive, but here we quickly get to his traveling with the Weasleys to the quidditch world cup, this year between Ireland and Bulgaria. I have to say I wonder why Rowling added all these details. I'm guessing she felt secure enough at this point that she could pretty much do whatever she wanted, and this time indulged herself in a flight of fancy showing all manner of aspects of her wizard world which had hitherto been only notes in a book somewhere. This isn't the longest book in the heptalogy - it just feels like it is.

The problem with this for me was that it makes the book rather tedious and in places, downright boring. Reading the book through once isn't so bad, but when you come back to it for review purposes as I did here, and listened to seventeen audio disks, it's a bit much, even with Jim Dale's inventive and charming voice.

Established writers can get away with endless, mindless rambling unfortunately (Stephen King I'm looking at you). New writers cannot. Indeed, they're censured for it. What this book needed was a fearless editor. Hermione's ill-conceived (by Rowling) digression into saving the elves, for example, could have been omitted completely without the book suffering one iota.

The film makers chose to eliminate all mention of house elves (notably, Winky and Dobby) from this story, so we never get to see a female house elf in the movies, but that said, Rowling pursued the elf component so aggressively in this unnecessarily long novel. It was a bad idea to have Hermione start her own organization, which had the ridiculous initials SPEW. I cannot believe Hermione would ever have come up with a dumb acronym like that. It's an insult to her intelligence to suggest she would, so I didn't get Rowling's thinking here, or her apparent desire to make Hermione the butt of a joke. It detracted both from the character's intelligence and sensitivity, and from the goal she was pursuing here, and it was belittling and demeaning both.

The quidditch world cup was more understandable, but it served little purpose other than to make wizards look really stupid. The death eaters show up and for some reason, even though the decent wizards outnumber them overwhelmingly, they seem to dominate and rule the aftermath, running riot in the camp site and sending up the "Dark Lord's mark" into the sky. Poor Winky is set-up using Harry's wand, and she never recovers from it.

On the topic of wands, I don't get Harry's starkly highlighted carelessness demonstrated in this novel in his losing his wand, and later in his evident lack of care for it which is noted right before it's examined by Olivander. Contrast that with Harry's almost fetishized pining for it when it gets broken in volume seven and you'll see the inconsistency. Plot problems are rife in this series when it comes to wands, and how they work and why they're needed.

Once again at Hogwarts, there's a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, and once again we get absolutely no explanation whatsoever for why Snape, the best qualified teacher for it, isn't given the position. Oddly, the fake Moody ends-up being the best dark Arts teacher they've had to this point! Certainly he's the only one who has actually taught them about dark arts, which is hilarious hypocritical given who he really is.

The big announcement though, is that Hogwarts will host the Triwizard Tournament - a battle of skill and wits between representative wizards from each of three wizarding schools: Beauxbatons (French for beautiful wands - and which contrary to popular view and to the movie presentation, is not a school solely for girls!), Durmstrang (a mix up of the German words for storm - sturm - and penetrated - drang), and Hogwarts (an English word meaning a pig with malignant skin growths...!).

Why Rowling chose to use German words for a Bulgarian school goes unexplained. Maybe it's because no one would be able to read буря проникнали? Why the tournament has been resurrected this year after two centuries of neglect is also a mystery, but it makes for a fun story and puts Harry in grave peril again, so what's not to like?! Harry is of course selected even though he's ineligible. How that works is a mystery. The three real candidates are Fleur Delacour (French for flower of the heart), Viktor Krum, and Cedric Diggory aka The Batman.

This not only puts Harry at risk for the tournament, but also drives a wedge between him and Ron, who inexplicably thinks that Harry is showing-off and has put his own name in the goblet. The first task, Harry learns involves dragons. Harry very kindly alerts Cedric since he assumes that both the French and Bulgarian candidates will know, but this alert serves only to make Harry look generous. It effectively benefits Cedric not at all since none of them know what they have to actually do. The big plot hole here is the fact that these fire-breathing dragons are confined behind wooden fences! Seriously? Was the editor sleeping, or was Rowling?

Harry is revealed repeatedly as a poor student throughout this series, which to me is inexplicable given how thrilled he initially was to find himself a wizard and a student at a magic school, and how much he adores the school. He's really poor at doing homework, he shows absolutely no interest whatsoever in learning anything about magical history or in talking to the ghosts to find out about their world and maybe, in turn, something about where his parents are now.

He's never shown questioning other witches and wizards, and especially not the teachers, about their lives and their powers. Actually, he's downright disrespectful to the teachers to the point of outright rudeness, as is shown when he demands from Grubbly Plank where Hagrid is at one point in this story. In short, Harry Potter is something of a jerk and a slacker.

He only shows interest in the summoning charm (accio) when he is kicked in the butt by Moody to play to his strengths. Why would he not want to learn a summoning charm for its own sake? Imagine how useful that would be! Yet he shows no interest in it until he realizes it might save his life. Likewise he shows zero interest in any other useful spells. Not that the school teaches them. It seems to me the first order of business should be to teach children the defensive and the healing spells, but we know by now how incompetent both the school faculty and its headmaster are.

The shameful incompetence of Dumbledore is highlighted quite starkly here as Rita Skeeter (in her animagus guise of a mosquito, hence her name) comes and goes from the school with complete impunity. Recall only the year before, an animagus (Sirius Black) was able to come and go as he pleased, yet Dumbledore has done the cube root of diddly squat to set up magical barriers to prevent this ever happening again. I actually agree with Malfoy that Dumbledore is the worst wizard at Hogwarts!

More than this, Skeeter is publishing all kinds of scandal about the school and Dumbledore does nothing - not even writing a letter of complaint to the newspaper! I have to say I agreed with Skeeter in her assessment of Hagrid. I never really liked him, so I am a bit biased, but she is correct in drawing attention to how ill-advised Hagrid is in bringing dangerous animals into his classes.

The Yule ball seemed to me to be another example of where Rowling lards up this story, as though she was loathe to leave out any details from her wizarding world notes. In this case, however, it wasn't one which was so far out of the way that it stuck out like a sore thumb, but it definitely could have had less acreage devoted to it. The thing here which really bothered me was Ron's formal "robes".

These robes are antiquated and they smell, yet Ron and his parents are magicians! Why can they not magic a fix? He can't make them like new? He can't remove the smell? He can't remove the embarrassing lace? His mom, who can beat Bellatrix Lestrange without breaking a sweat, can't transform an old set of school robes into formal robes? She can't transform his old robes into new robes that fit him? None of this makes any sense and is yet another example of Rowling idly and simply laying a very thin magic veneer over the real world. It's so thin it's full of holes and she makes very little attempt to have it make sense.

Rowling is obsessed with robes, as it happens. Everyone wears them even when it's not actually necessary. For example, at one point, Skeeter is described as wearing bright yellow robes whereas in the movie she wears regular clothes. Why wouldn't wizards wear regular clothes? Why would muggle clothes be such a mystery to them unless they really are profoundly stupid people?

Ron and Harry are downright jerks towards Parvati and Padma Patil, yet this is supposed to be funny. I found that a bit strange to say the least, but not as strange has the two of them not having been asked to the ball before Ron and Harry ever got around to it. Were all the boys at Hogwarts racist?! They certainly were mostly white as judged from the movie versions of the books. The worst part here though is Harry's anger management problem. He's upset over Cedric taking Cho Chang to the ball, and so once again he proves what a lousy student he is by virtually ignoring Cedric's advice to listen to the egg in the bathroom. Moron!

I don't get why, in volume 5, Harry is assigned to special ed occlumency classes, but he is never once directed to anger management, which causes him far more problems than failing to block Voldemort ever does. In fact Voldemort's failure to capitalize on his access to Harry is totally inexplicable, but let's consider occlumency. Why only Harry? It seems to me that occlumency should have been job one on day one in Defense Against the Dark Arts classes, yet it's never taught! Again, a huge hole!

At the last minute (his usual habit) Harry finally gets to the bathroom and listens to the clue under water, but he fails to find a spell to help him to breathe until Dobby comes up with the gillyweed (it's different in the movie, where it's Neville who suggests it). Why this had to be done in secret is a mystery. He should have been able to ask for it. Why Snape has no protections on his stores to prevent theft is a bigger mystery, though! Another plot hole. But once again Harry fails to follow instructions and is rewarded for it - being tied with Cedric - again.

One thing I was annoyed with in the movie was what short shrift the maze got. The book has some, dare I say it, amazing things in the maze and yet we get nothing in the movie save for Harry running around blindly. The secret to getting to the middle and back out again in a maze, is to keep one hand on one of the walls and follow that wall. It will inevitably lead you into the middle and bring you safely out. No need for Hermione's magic.

Not that her magic helped much. How the hell Harry ever got to be called a great wizard is as much of a complete mystery as to how Hermione did not. In this case though, her spell gave a direction, but no indication if that path was going to be a dead-end at some point. And none of this helps in a maze where the walls are moving, which begs the question as to how they would ever be expected to find the middle. A better spell woudl have been one that allowed them to walk through the maze walls.

We all know what happens next - the Triwizard cup is a port key and Voldemort is back! The big plot hole at the end is once again Voldemort's blindness regarding Snape, who gave veritaserum to Barty Crouch Jr. How can Voldemort even remotely trust him? But here you have it one more time - despite all these writing problems, Rowling once again hit the best-seller list and kept her readers glued.