Graceling by Kristin Cashore - Graphic Novel

Rating: WORTHY!

This review is from an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

I already reviewed the print novel of Graceling back in June of 2013 (https://ianwoodnovellum.blogspot.com/2013/06/graceling-by-kristin-cashore.html), but I was very curious to see what they did with the graphic novel version, so when I saw this on Net Galley I asked to review it and the publisher kindly granted my request.

I was not disappointed. This is my last Net Galley review before I retire from reviewing altogether, to concentrate on my own writing, so I was very glad to find one that I could end my career of some five thousand total reviews on a positive note for my last Net Galley.

The story is no different from the original print version I reviewed almost a decade ago, but it's been so long, that I had forgot a lot of it, so this was a nice refresher and it had some enjoyable and nicely-worked art to go with it. I ended-up liking the original so much that I went on to read two other novels set in the same world: Fire and Bitterblue.

This one tells the story of Katsa, who is an enforcer for King Randa of the Midluns, but she isn't happy in her career. When she discovers another one like herself - a person who has a 'grace' or special skill - her life begins to change in ways she had not foreseen. Katsa ends up on a quest of sorts. It is long and demanding, and during it, she makes some fascinating and unexpected discoveries, about herself, about her companion, Prince Po, and about the two of them as companions. She learns that she's prone to misunderstanding what a 'grace' actually is, at least with regard to herself and Po!

As I mentioned in my original review, I initially had no interest in reading Graceling because I mistakenly assumed from the title that it was about fairies and I wasn't tempted by it. It was only when I saw Fire and realized that it wasn't a fairy-tale (so to speak!) that I also picked up Graceling at the same time, and read that one followed by the other. Fire precedes Graceling, but the author recommends reading them in the order they were published, so I did! Perhaps if this graphic novel does well, as it ought to, we can expect that there will be two more following it as there was with the original publication. I commend this as a worthy read.

Born of Water by Autumn M Birt

Rating: WARTY!

This was this author's self-published debut from 2012, and as such it's not awfully bad, but I could not get along with it at all, partly because the writing felt young for the age range it was supposedly aimed at. There were other reason too, which I shall go into. I can empathize, because that's about when I started self-publishing, but I have to judge a book by its content, not how much I might empathize with the author!

This is very much trope from start to - well finish, I assume, but I DNF'd this at just shy of a third in, so I can't comment on the last two-thirds, nor can I commend it based on my reading. I was offered no reason to believe the last two-thirds would be any different from the first third - otherwise I might have been tempted to read on.

The trope approach covered everything from the way the story was written, to the characters, to the romance, to the magic employed. The magic was the usual tedious 'four elements' plus a special additional one - which has been so done to death now that it's a joke: you know: air, earth, fire, water? Which are actually not elements. The additional one in this case was the ability to use all four which is not only rare, but also frowned upon. So more Air-Bender than anything else, and certainly nothing new.

The story is set in the trope world where an authority controls magic, and rather than appreciate something out of the ordinary, this author takes the trope path that it's anathema to exhibit 'alien magic' and carries a death sentence, so naturally (and more trope) one of the enforcers of these laws encounters someone who has this special snowflake magic and instead of turning her in, goes on the run with her and three of her friends.

That wouldn't have been so bad except that it then became a tedious case of endless fleeing; from one port to another and always running into trouble, never getting even a hint of a break. It became boring to read because every arrival at every port was essentially fraught with the same peril. Yawn!

As if that wasn't bad enough, a really poorly-written 'romance' begans stirring between Niri, the main enforcer character, and some dude who was with them, maybe named Ty? I forget. All of these charcters wre really enimently forgettable. But the romance was so slapped together and pasted on that it was pointless, and not worth reading. Instead of it seemingly arising organically, it felt like the author had forced it into being because she felt there had to be a romance - more trope. Gods forbid that there should be a leading female character in a YA novel who can get by without a male to prop her up. Yawn. I didn't like it.

The title of this novel should have warned me off it. Comparisons with Sarah Maas and Anne McCaffery should have warned me off, but I didn't listen and I paid the price of wasting my valuable time on it. That's how it goes. But at least in a couple of months I'll be through reviewing books foever, and I won't have to waste more time on a book I DNF'd by having to pen a review for it! So there's that!

Beowulf by Andrew BF Carnabuci

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

This is a new translation of Beowulf - arguably the most translated Old English work out there. Dating - possibly - to around 1000AD, the time of Ethelred the Unreedy, and Cnut, this was ancient even in Shakespeare's time, and it tells a poetic (in what served for poetry at the time - not like modern stuff) tale of Beowulf (whose name gave the untitled work a title) and his three great battles against Grendel, Grendel's mom, and against the dragon.

It's really the story of a curse brought upon warriors for their philandering, because it turns out that Grendel is the child of King Hrothgar, and the dragon is the child of Beowulf himself, both of them the offpsring of their dalliance with Grendel's mom, whose real name is Lulabelle. Just kidding. She goes unnamed. In fact, as a female, she's lucky to get a mention since this is all about manly men, sterling feats, and lusty living.

You may be familiar with the story from that execrable 2007 CGI movie starring Angelina Jolie, Robin Wright-Penn, Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, and a gratuitus John Malkovich, which while loosely following the story, was so wrong on so many levels. Grendel's mom wears high heels? Really? I know it's a macho tale of not backing down, but literally nobody blinks? Really?

The real story does often meander away from the main action into tales of Beowulf's achievements, but this is how it was back then, a sort of merrily plodding, repetitive, alliterative story-telling which got there eventually by hitting all the career high-spots of this legendary man's man and his cadre of steely warriors. It also uses the phrase, 'lord of the rings'! I guess that's where Tolkien got it from.

The only issue I had with this was that the embedded links from the text to the glossary/reference section were a bit flaky in that if they were close to the edge of the screen a reader risked swiping the screen to the next or the previous one when tapping on the link, rather than going to the actual reference. The reference section and bibliography is extensive though, running to 25 screens on my iPad.

Also, I read my books on a black screen with white text to save on battery power and the dark-blue reference numbers were hard to read against the black screen. This wouldn't have mattered except that the reference you jump to is part of a list of them; it's not to a single reference, so I couldn't tell for sure which particular reference in the list I had jumped to, and therefore couldn't be sure, when I tapped back, that I'd end up exactly where I left! That made for a fun read. The content list was likewise hard to read for the same reason - and it had, as usual, the listed items too close together to tap confidently to jump to a particular chapter. Double spacing between lines would have helped considerably.

That aside though, I liked this translation and I commend it for anyone interested in this ancient tale, for all are punishéd, and never was a story of more dolor than this of Grendel and his Modor....

Elves on the Fifth Floor by Francesca Cavallo, Verena Wugeditsch

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

It's a little early for a Christmas story, but I liked everything about this short picture novel from the intriguing title to the entertaining and cute tale, to the playful text by Cavallo, and the charming illustrations by Wugeditsch. It was original, quirky in a good way, and amusing. The only problem with the ebook was that Amazon did its usual job of mangling of the format in the Kindle edition - turning it into the kindling it's well known for in my experience. This is one of many reasons why I will have nothing to do with Amazon. For example, the page numbers appeared in the midst of the story including on one amusing occasion where I read the following:

The young man had pulled out his cell phone and was dialing a number.
74
Who...

It made it look like the number he was dialing was 74! The Net Galley viewer presented it much better and was beautifully laid out, but it was in double page format that doesn't work on my phone, which is where I typically read my books. I don't know if this is going to be available in a Kindle edition, but if it is, I recommend strongly against buying that version. The lines were chopped unequally, so some parts of the text would cover the left half of the screen whereas other lines would go the full width of the screen. Drop caps do not work and were messed up. Pictures and text were poorly adjoined. The formatting was, as usual in Kindle when it's anything other than plain vanilla text, messed up to put it politely.

I couldn't read the Net Galley version on my iPad since Net Galley snottily refuses to make its app compatible with older devices, but I was able to try it on Blue Fire Reader and in Adobe Digital Editions, and it was perfectly fine in both of those. So there, Net Galley! Take that! LOL!

The story was wonderful. It was a family of two parents and three kids, who were moving to a new town because of the resentment about their family and marital choices in the place they used to live (which I'd hazard a guess was Texas, especially the way things are going down here lately). They have a small apartment on the fifth floor and make the most of it. One parent, Isabella heads out the next day to begin her new job as a mail carrier at the town's post office. The other, Dominique, stays home with the kids.

When the kids write a letter to Santa about changing plans for a Christmas present, they wonder if it will get there in time, so they're surprised to get a speedy reply in the form of a magical letter from Santa himself! It enquires if it might be possible for some elves work from their home on Christmas Eve, in order to make sure all the presents get distributed in time. Naturally they accept, and this is how elves come to be on the fifth floor, but in a place like this where adults are not known to be overly friendly, the arrival of new people, and the activities on the fifth floor become problematical!

However it all works out in the end. That's not a spoiler! You knew it would! I liked this for its off-kilter take on the world, and for its enthusiastic story-telling and I commend it fully as a worthy read.

Lore of Rainbow by Vera Nazarian

Rating: WARTY!

This is a prequel to the author's Lords of Rainbow which I shall never read because this effort completely turned me off. The language was way-the-hell too florid and rambling and I had no idea what this was about, much less what the succeeding story will be about, because after reading a third of this very short 'prologue' I was clueless as where it was going or what point it was trying to make. Worse, I had by then lost all interest in finding out. This is why I do not read prologues. They're utterly worthless, as is this.

Rise of the Sparrows by Sarina Langer

Rating: WARTY!

Read indifferently by Leanne Yau, this audiobook started out quite engagingly, but proved to be such a plodding story after reading a little further into it that I DNF'd it after chapter 25, which was about halfway through. I had thought I'd make it to the end and give it a positive review, but the problem was that the story was slow, and main character Rachel's constant and repetitive dissection of events became thoroughly tedious and irritating in short order. I really began to dislike her and the inevitable an unoriginal male interest, named ridiculously, Kale. The predictability of the story on top of Rachel's stupidity was a big negative for me, too.

Set in a fantasy medieval world where there are X-men...um mutant children...who have unlikely powers, such as the usual sketchy ability to see the future, fire coming from someone's hands, and so on, was not something I would reject the novel out of hand for, but how an author handles these things is important and clearly this author had no intention of offering any sort of an explanation for the powers. Additionally, the disgust and rejection of such mutant children by the villagers was predictable, but a likely consequence, especially back in such superstitious times.

The problem here was that the complete lack of anyone who might have been even slightly sympathetic was far too much of an extreme, but it's what authors predictably do in such stories and it's inauthentic. I mean there were so many of these 'mutant' children that it was hard to believe they were so universally rejected. It's like everyone is the same and there are no gray areas, and I'm so tired of that trope - and of authors who are so lacking in imagination that they cannot make it a bit more realistic.

Talking of which, I had to wonder who these stories were aimed at because it read like middle grade, Rachael being barely high-school age, and Cephy, the younger mutant she took up with, about ten years old, yet the story was discussing torture and rape and so on, as though this were a young adult or new adult novel. Anyway, the plot has it that the two girls are not welcome in the city because of Cephy's wanton destruction of her entire family in a burning incident when she got pissed off, and form which semes seems to ahve suffered no negative consequences whatseover. So they escape into the nearby forest, pursued by the White Guard, sent by King Eric and these guys are so caricatured that they could be cartoon characters. Cephy also burns those dudes to a crisp.

They're taken in by a witch who seems welcoming, but who you know from the start has her own agenda and it's not favorable to the kids. Unaccountably this witch hands them over to 'heroic guy' Kale for no apparent reason, and this is supposedly the good guy, yet he creeps around scaring Rachael without any rationale for his behavior at all. He's the trope creepy love interest who is always there as though he's stalking Rachael, yet while she agonizes over every possible threat to her and Cephy, she never once thinks there's anything wrong with his behavior. Go figure.

One major problem with Rachael is that she has supposedly lived on the streets of the city for most of her years, yet she seems dumb as a brick at times with no street smarts whatsoever, and her so-called visions of the future are the usual clichéd half-assed vague 'seeings' that really tell her nothing useful at all and are essentially no better than a hunch. She claims at one point not to rely on them, and at another how reliable they are so again, go figure!

I realize of course I'm not of the youthful age range this story is aimed at (whatever that is), but for my own perspective, I had no interest in finishing this, let alone reading a whole series of this nature, so I cannot commend it based on my experience of it. The acronym for the title is RotS, and that's how it went for me I'm sorry to report.

Matias and the Cloud by Jorge Palomera

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

Argentine author Palomera has delivered a colorful, inventive, and charming wordless picture book here, about a young boy who has a fabulous birthday, and who gets down to the last of his presents and discovers that someone has sent him a cloud! Naturally he wants to play with this, and in much the same way as a kid who abandons the present and turns the box into a multipurpose toy, Matias does the same thing, but in this case actually with the present, turning the cloud into several fun toys, including a beard and bushy eyebrows, and a bed for his dog.

The cloud doesn't appear until about two-thirds the way through the story, but it's fun when it does, and Matias proves himself to be a clever kid. I can imagine an adult reading this with their own child and inventing other ways to enjoy a cloud, had we one available. I commend this as a fun and accessible story which will stimulate all imaginations.

The Falcon's Heart by Diana Green

Rating: WORTHY!

This was an enjoyable story, albeit with some issues. I decided to read it because it reminded me in some small ways of my own Femarine. This novel is set in a fantasy world of deserts and magic and it's set in some time past where none of our modern mechanical and electrical wonders are yet in existence, but the world building at times refers to things - such as clocks - that appear not to exist in any form in this world. There were things in such times, such as water clocks, candle clocks, and hour glasses, that could tell time, but none of these are mentioned either.

The magic also has issues with consistency in that it seems to morph to fit the author's current needs rather than exist as its own entity. For example, one of the two main characters, Saba, is supposedly an empath, but apart from a mention at the beginning of the story, this power appears never to be used and indeed deserts her when she could really use it. It felt odd, but not a story killer for me although it seemed like a glaring omission at times when she was trying to understand the feelings of her captor.

Her captor is the Falcon - a female bandit and leader of a group of desert-dwelling thieves, eking out their own existence in a land where a selfish and ambitious pasha - Saba's father - is determined to usurp ever more land and power to satisfy his greed. In order to try to free a friend through a trade, the Falcon kidnaps Saba and whisks her away deep into the desert mountains, but Saba's father seems uninterested in making any deal to recover her despite her value as an aliance-builder when he offers her in marriage. He finds himself reliant on a sorcerer to track her down - the very one who wishes to have Saba's hand in marriage.

During their time together, of course, Saba and the Falcon fall for each other and eventually end up together, so the story is quite predictable from the off. It has no real surprises or problems to overcome. It's a light, harmless, decent, if rather fluffy story that I enjoyed despite the minor issues, so on these terms, I commend it as a worthy read, although I still prefer my own Femarine! Call me biased!

Desecration by JF Penn

Rating: WARTY!

"DS Jamie Brooke enlists the help of clairvoyant Blake Daniel to follow a macabre trail of murder, grave robbery, and genetic modification..." and finds out she's a lying-ass fraud? Just a suggestion. Have you noticed the psychics in these stories (books and movies) never offer a damned thing that really helps - only the vaguest of clues so the author can spin the story on and on. It would be more of a challenge if the psychic nailed the perp down to name and address and the author still managed to find a good story. Why don't I do that? Maybe I will.

But no psychic ever solved a murder. Ever. Period. Cops do that. Not psychics. Not bakers. Not librarians. Not café owners. Not cupcake shop owners. Not ladies' knitting circles. Not bookshop owners. Cops. Hard-working cops. That's it.

Dragon's Code by Gigi McCaffrey

Rating: WARTY!

"A fresh reboot...of the Dragonriders of Pern series from Anne McCaffrey's daughter!" Seriously? In what world is a reboot fresh? Ride coat-tails much Gigi? Couldn't come up with an original idea? Barf.

The Dire Days of Wollowweep Manor by Shaenon K Garrity, Christopher Baldwin

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

The description has it that this is Nimona meets Paper Girls, but having read both of those stories, I didn't see it. This is its own story, and I dislike it when a new work is compared with a mashup of older ones. To me, it feels insulting to the author.

Often I will not even think of reading a story that's described in such a way, but fortunately I didn't let that put me off this one for once! I really enjoyed this. It was smart, original, entertaining, amusing, and fun. The mashup that this graphic novel does achieve is the impressive feat of conjoining a Gothic romance with sci-fi story about a pocket universe that acts aa a protection against the evil 'Bile' which comes from another universe and seeks to subsume everything.

The story is of Haley, a high-schooler and hopeless Gothic romance addict who gets into trouble with her teacher for turning in yet another book report about a Gothic romance. She's advised that she has to try something new or risk failing. Walking home in the pouring rain that evening (it rains a lot in this graphic!) she espies a young man struggling in the creek as she crosses the bridge, and she plunges in to help him, somehow ending up inside a Gothic romance. She learns this is a pocket universe leeching its world from the world of Gothic romance stories, so naturally there are three brooding, old-world brothers: Cuthbert, Lawrence, and Montague, a strange housemaid, and a ghost! Of course! But not everything is what you think it is, so don't jump to any conclusions.

Haley struggles through this with courage, aplomb and good humor, making some sneaky references to Gothic romances as she goes, and eventually wins out. The novel features rather ineffectual brothers and strong female characters including Haley who is a young black woman and who's deadly with an umbrella. Overall this was a fun story - a little bit on the lengthy side, maybe, if I had a criticism, but a good engaging story that I commend as a worthy read.

The One Who Could Not Fly by EG Stone

Rating: WARTY!

I began enjoying this story although the premise is a bit lacking in credibility - a lush tropical island off the coast of a desert mainland, the one populated by Sylphs (fairies, basically, but with feathered wings) and the other by savage humans, and never once have the humans come to the island until this single time when a handful of them arrive seemingly for the sole purpose of kidnapping Ravenna, the one special snowflake on the whole island?

Here's where Ravenna, supposedly a smart scholar, comes off as being stupid, because she could easily have stayed out of their way, or better yet, snuck back to her own people to warn them of this threat, but she does neither. Instead, she romps right into the middle of the camp when she thinks the humans are sleeping, sneaking around to spy on their stuff and is of course captured, whereupon the men simply haul up stakes and leave! It was like they were just waiting for her to arrive.

Naturally Ravenna is a myth come to life and fascinates everyone on the mainland, very nearly all of whom are consistently mean, brutal, and cruel, yet not a single one of these people thinks about going back to the island to see if there are more like her despite her being almost priceless. It made zero sense. It made no sense that no human had ever been to the island before - not in living memory anyway.

We're told Ravenna, as a Sylph, is a different species to humans, and the polar opposite, yet later we meet someone who is supposed to be a half-breed. How is this possible? The definition of a species is a group of living things which can breed within the group but not outside it. If she can breed with humans, she's human, or humans are Sylphs, one or the other. The thing about Ravenna though, as she's described, is that she is fully human. Apart from her wings, she's exactly like a human. She has breasts - and so is a mammal. She thinks like a human, acts like one, and she looks just like one - again, apart from the wings. There's nothing about her that seems alien or different, or otherworldly. That's a serious writing problem.

The wings are problematical too, and not just because they're stuck on - coming out of the middle of her back like an afterthought rather than a real appendage. I've discussed how little sense this makes in other reviews. Wings are limbs and so Ravenna is not a quadruped, but a hexapod (technically a sexaped if we're going to be linguistically correct, but hexapod wins for obvious reasons!) and there's nowhere back there for her wings to really attach!

But let's let that slide. The real problem with her wings is their variable size. We're told that Ravenna is different because she has undersized wings - too small and weak for her to fly with, yet later in the story we read, when she's riding a horse: "Her wings lay behind her on the horse's rump, both to keep them out of the way of the pounding hooves..." - if they're small and short, why would the hooves be a problem? This question is posed by the author herself indirectly when later we read, "Ravenna relaxed her wings and sat on the small stool." Now if she can relax and sit on a small stool without worrying about the wings trailing on the floor, then why were they a problem sitting on the horse? Was the horse shorter than a small stool?! Again it made no sense.

It makes less sense when Ravenna is trained as a gladiator, and she alternately sees her wings as a powerful fighting tool and a grave weakness. They can't be both. If the wings are strong enough to beat and knock someone over, then why can't she fly? Again the rules for her wings change - not just in how big they are, but in how strong they are. I continually got the impression that the author hadn't really thought this whole disabled Sylph' thing through, and the consequence of this was that the utility of the wings changed according to circumstance and that resulted in my repeatedly being kicked out of suspension of disbelief.

The book description, which admittedly the author has no control over unless they self-publish, has this: "Until, that is, Ravenna makes a single mistake. She falls." I don't know what that means. Maybe it comes later in the story than I could stand to read, but it makes little sense even in the blurb.

I didn't finish this because I became so disappointed in it: in the writing and the plot, and in Ravenna's complete lack of any sort of rebellious streak or even a spine to attach her wings to! The story sounded like it might be great; the execution of it not so much, and I began losing all interest in it when I reached the long, tedious, drawn-out portion that began right after she was kidnapped. There was far too long with far too little happening and it bored me to tears, especially since I'd already begun to lose interest in Ravenna as an engaging and strong female character. I can't commend this.

Thief Trap by Jonathan Moeller

Rating: WARTY!

The idiot librarians at Goodreads, who are useless in my experience, have this author listed under two names - one of which is Jonatha Moeller! Not that I hang out at Amazon-owned Goodreads, but I noticed this when I was looking the author up online for this review!

The novel is book one in the "Cloak Games" series - not that the book cover will tell you this. Having the cover say it's a 'Cloak Games' story is not the same thing as saying it's a prologue to a series, which all volume ones are. I don't do prologues or epilogues. The prologue is chapter one, the epilogue is your last chapter and should be numbered as such. Deal with it, authors! That said, at least this volume did not leave you hanging off a cliff at the end, and it did tell a story, so there's that. But I have to wonder at the series name: is 'cloak games' meant to try to siphon cachet from The Hunger Games?! I don't get what it even means otherwise. But it's nothing remotely to do with any Hunger Games scenario.

This was an audio book read by Meghan Kelly (not to be confused with Megyn Kelly) and there was something about her voice that didn't work for me. It didn't seem to ring true for the character for one thing. I'm not sure if that was the whole thing, or if it was just her tone or what, but I failed to be completely at ease with her reading of this book. The voice constantly took me out of suspension of disbelief.

That's only one problem though. The biggest problem was not the reader but the writer. Also, that front cover illustration? What was that? I go by a book's description and pay little to no attention to covers, but once I had this I noticed that this particular cover is so inappropriate, I have to say something about it. Normally this is not on the author because they typically have nothing to do with covers unless they're self-publishing, but this novel came through Amazon's Create Space, so it is self-published. But note that there was nothing on that cover that had anything at all to do with the main character or this story!

There is an alternate cover which also has little to do with the main character's actual abilities, but at least that one isn't a picture of a woman's torso - ignore her brain because female brains are clearly unimportant - and this woman has a leather skirt that's hardly more than a belt, and she's pulling a - what is that: a light saber from a sheath? No. This character does not do light sabers! The cover not only completely misrepresents this character, it also appeals to the lowest common denominator. Shame on whoever decided this was a 'good cover' for a novel. Maybe I should pay more attention to covers in future - and reject stories outright which have cover versions like this even if the description sounds interesting?

Ah, the story! It made little sense once I actually did get to it. The premise is that in 2013 (why then I do not know), a gate to another world opened, and Elves used their magic to conquer Earth, crushing all resistance before them. There is nothing about the takeover other than this and a rather salivating description of how the entire US federal legislature - and the president - were publicly executed. Since then Queen Elf has ruled.

The idea, I suppose is that the rest of the world suffered likewise, but the story is so US-centric - as usual - that the rest of the world may as well not exist. Nothing else is said: nothing about why the elves came, or about how the military fought back, or whether there's an active guerilla war against the occupation. Yes, we hear vague mentions of rebels, but it's so understated that it may as well not be mentioned at all.

We do learn that in the shadow lands where the elves evidently emerged from, modern weapons do not work. Since the elven swords do, I'm forced to assume that the problem isn't metal, but chemical, yet humans, who are chemically based, can live and fight in the shadow lands very well, so WTF? The other edge of that sword is that firearms do work well here in our world, so how was it the elves where able to win so easily? Nothing is said about any of that. If it was due to their powerful magic, then why do elves need humans at all?

This is a problem with this story which supposedly takes place 300 years after that conquest - yet Earth hasn't changed a bit! it's not even run out of oil! The problem lies in that one elf, Morvilind (it sounded more like Morvellan to me in the audiobook) has taken in human Nadia as his thief in residence - sort of. He trained her from a young age to work for him, giving her fighting and thieving skills, and teaching her some rudimentary magic. Why was this necessary? He's an elf. He has powerful magic; so why does he need a human thief? No explanation is given for this and Nadia never questions it despite questioning everything else.

She works for the elf because he's working a cure for her kid brother who has 'frost bite' - that's not what it's called, but I forget the actual name. Frost fever? The elf tells her the cure takes 20 years and if she fails him, so will the cure fail her brother. She never questions this! He also has a vial of her 'heart's blood' whatever that is, which gives him power over her. She has six more years to serve, but for some reason she never looks ahead to try to figure out if she can get free of Morvilind after her time is up, or if he will still force her to work for him.

Her big trial comes when she's tasked with stealing a magically-protected 'old Earth magic' tablet from a collector. This was when the story went seriously downhill for me. The male love interest for Nadia is telegraphed from several light years away. It's so obvious and she is so doting on him, it's pathetic. it turned me right off this story or any others like it and anyhtign else by this author.

Now we're told that she's supposed to be this expert thief with all kinds of mad skilz, but as soon as he shows up at the party where she's planning to steal the tablet, she subjugates herself to him in all things and is constantly reminding us of how hot and muscular he is. There's the inevitable 'let's kiss to distract the opposition' moment that is so trope it's pathetic. Is this some sort of authorial wish fulfillment? I dunno, but it's tedious.

Predictably, they succeed in their respective quests and they part with him in her debt which is ridiculous if entirely predictable. That's the end of the story and I have no desire whatsoever to pursue this series in any form. I can't commend it as a worthy read because there's too much trope and too many holes in it.

Palace of Lost Memories by CJ Archer

Rating: WARTY!

This was an audiobook - evidently the first of a series although I did not realize that going into it, which annoyed the hell out of me. The 'After the Rift Book One' label on the book cover was hardly intelligible in the ad offering the audiobook for sale at a discount, so I didn't notice it. I picked up the book because it sounded really interesting. Had I known it was first in a series I probably would not have picked it up because I would have known that it was inevitably a prologue in which no mystery was solved and the story would have gone nowhere beyond world building. Very few series really get me interested in following them. Typically, they're too long, too boring, and too unimaginative and derivative. I don't want to read the same story over and over with nothing but a few tweaks in between, which is what series are for the most part.

With a title about a palace of lost memories a reader naturally expects something mysterious and a resolution, but neither appeared. The story moved excruciatingly slowly and had way too much dillydallying, and instead of a mystery it came across as a romance, which I for one didn't appreciate at all. Nevertheless I kept listening in the hope that something interesting would show up to explain why all the denizens of the palace had memories which had been blanked prior to the point when the palace showed up. I never got that, and the story ended rather abruptly without even addressing the lost memories portion of it. It was teased several times, but it never was really discussed and it sure didn't get resolved because this is a series and the author has to stretch it out to milk the readers for as much cash as she can. I do not appreciate that, and I do not support books like that.

The book began - and despite being first person it was read pretty decently by Marian Hussey - with the mystery of a large place suddenly arising out of nowhere with no sign of anyone building it. That ought to have caused a sensation of curiosity and even fear among the locals, but inexplicably it didn't. Everyone just seemed to accept that this was normal despite the story having done nothing to introduce or establish any magical elements or precedents.

What was even more odd though was that no one seemed to have ever heard of this king or his palace or at least knew nothing about him. It was like a magical palace plopping down from nowhere was a normal thing in this neighborhood. What, no one owned the land it appeared on? No one had an issue with that?! No one - not even the local nobility - knew anything about the king or his past so they could fill in the blanks for the palace personnel?

The only mystery that this story focused on was that of a Lady - the king's fiancée, evidently - being poisoned and the only person who could cure her was the father of the main character, Josie. Josie was a midwife with physican skills who assisted her father, a doctor, but who was, as we were constantly reminded, ineligible to be a doctor herself because she was a woman. This is how Josie lucked-in to become a persona grata at the palace, yet despite her frequently coming through for them with treatments and cures, the king never once upped and changed the law so that she could be a doctor. That was something I'd expected to happen in this story, and I was disappointed that it didn't.

The other oddity about the novel was that Josie and her father were supposedly well-known and liked in the town which at times seems like a village and at others like a city. For example, despite being beloved and knowing the town like the back of her hand, at one point Josie perceives that she's being followed and runs off, switching directions randomly to escape and ends up lost in a very sordid part of town, where apparently no one knows her and she doesn't know this area at all! It made no sense given the cozy view of the 'village' we'd had before. Worse, the guy who is following her is purportedly not a bad guy, yet he doesn't lift a finger to help her in her predicament. Again, it made no sense.

The book description, evidently once again written by some dickhead who never read the book claims, "In the search for the truth, Josie is drawn deeper into danger, and the answers she seeks might shake the very foundations of the kingdom." No, she's never actually in any danger until the very close of the book, and that's resolved before you can even start to feel concerned for her. Besides, she's the main character and she's also telling the story in first person, so how can anything harmful possibly befall her? That's one more reason why first person is typically a fail for me. And nothing happens that even remotely threatens the very foundations of the kingdom. Once again, the blurb lies.

Add to all of this the rather dull characters and it makes me want to yawn. Josie's love interest, Captain Hammer may as well have been a hammer for all the emotion he exhibits and Josie is hardly any better, showing herself not to be smart, but to be impulsive and foolish as often as not. It's not someone I want to read any more about, and I lost any interest I'd initially had in the mystery of the lost memories. Do I want to keep reading a series that fails to actually address the main topic the series is supposed to be about? Do I want to be led by the nose, continually betrayed by an author who baits one thing and switches the entire story to another? No! I can't commend this as a worthy read at all.

Tentacles and Teeth by Ariele Seeling

Rating: WARTY!

The problem with this story is that it was too improbable for me to get into at all, so I never made it beyond the first few pages. I don't mind fantasy, but for me, it has to be reasonably realistic - at least within its own framework, and this was not. The idea of a tentacled organism on dry land doesn't work for a variety of reasons - which is why we only see animals with tentacles in the ocean. The idea of what is, essentially, a giant 'kraken' taken right out of Pirates of the Caribbean, which is as big as a small house, and which has teeth and can move with frightening speed on dry land is nonsensical, so it turned me right off, but it got worse.

There was no explanation given for where these creatures came from, why they came, or how they arose. It was like the author was simply cribbing directly from the Pacific Rim movies and her hero Askari seems like a female adventurer from some video game - like Zelda, for example - so there's really nothing original here. I can see how an author wants to create scary beasts to make obstacles for her hero's quest, but the problem I see quite consistently in these stories is that these creatures are either of this nature: 'fish out of water' animals that make no sense (which was almost literally the case here), or improbably giant or mutant versions of existing animals. It's rather tedious and it too-often doesn't work. The thing is that there are plenty of real and scary organisms from Earth's past that with just a minor tweak or two will work admirably. You don't need to delve deeply into the ridiculous to get the effect you're after.

I didn't read far enough to see this myself, but after I decided this novel wasn't for me, I read some reviews by others and they were saying that the story is essentially one of each chapter being a new monster this girl has to escape or fight, and despite supposedly being the best warrior, she always seems out of her depth and needs help. This unimaginative and tedious metronomic rinse and repeat approach to story-telling made me glad I wasted no more time in reading further. I can't commend it based on the admittedly little I read. And Aerial Ceiling (near enough!)? Is that a real name? Maybe it is but it seems highly suspect, to me!

Speechless by Madeline Freeman

Rating: WARTY!

This is based on the Little Mermaid, but it's more like a Disney-esque version than a Hans Christian Anderson version (which is nothing like Disney's take). I'm not a fan of Disney because they're not known for originality, and these days they're far too big and powerful. It looks like this novel isn't very original either - especially since it's based on a rip-off premise to begin with. And for the first in a series it's predictably padded.

This novel could have begun at chapter nine, which is a quarter of the way in, and lost nothing at all from deleting the first eight chapters. The ebook has all the chapters listed (Chapter 1, Chapter 2 etc., and if you can fit your finger on the right one (good luck with that!) it will take you to that chapter, but tapping on that chapter header will not return you to the content page. For the life of me I cannot see why the hell a content list is included in ebooks. It's stupid and pointless, and just one more indication of how clueless and robotic publishers tend to be, with sadly few exceptions.

The story is also a rip-off of another Disney property - Marvel's X-Men. It's set in a future where genetic mutation has given some people abilities that make zero sense. Main character Aria's special power is that she can breathe underwater using gills that appear when she's immersed and disappear when she's dry. There's nothing in the human genome that could do this. While we share some curious traits with fish, we haven't actually been fish in a very long time, but this author would have us believe we're just a mutation away from returning to the sea!

Fine; I'll play along. So what has this YA author got for us? Well, a lot of predictability for one thing, and sub-standard writing for another, but I shall get to that later. Predictably, and exactly like in Marvel's X-Men, Aria is an 'aberration' and aberrations are predictably pariahs. In real life they would actually be celebrities, so this rang hollow. Predictably Aria has a hot guy, Alonzo, who is her best friend, although naturally she never sees him that way because he's an adopted 'brother'. Predictably, Aria wants more than her present life and dreams of joining one of the Mars colonies which ridiculously has also become a reality TV show for those on Earth. She predictably defies her father and signs up for inductee testing where predictably she's roomed with three vicious, lying, back-stabbing bullies. Yawn.

Predictably she meets a hot guy named Declan who's a bit of a bad boy and who is predictably in a position of power. Predictably she starts falling for him despite his betrayal of her, thereby setting up the predictable YA 'love' triangle. The tests she has to go through are stupid and worthy of a badly-written middle-grade novel, but Aria is chosen as a special snowflake because the testers are wise to her aberration. She's chosen - for no good reason - to go on a special mission to retrieve some data for them, otherwise Alonzo will be hurt somehow.

Here I have to give a minor spoiler. There is no Mars colony. At least not on Mars. It's on Earth and everyone has been fooled. This is profoundly stupid because people would know. At the very least there would be conspiracy theories about it, but here everyone is completely fooled! What, no one who worked to actually build the colony ever figured out what they were building? If the colonists actually built the colony, no one ever noticed that Martian gravity - which in reality would be less than 40% what it is on Earth - is exactly like Earth gravity? People would notice! The author makes no mention of gravity, even as she talks about faking the different positions of the stars and the smaller relative size of the sun from Mars. She would have been better-off choosing Venus which is equally unlivable, but if you can terraform Mars, then why not Venus? It's much more like Earth in terms of size, gravity, and so on.

So Aria's job is to break into the Mars colony and steal data that would allow her boss to prove the colony is fake? Seriously? None of this makes any sense whatsoever. Since they know where the colony is, all they needed to do was expose the location to bring the whole stupid façade tumbling down! But apparently only Aria can break-in because the route is underwater. They claim no one can use SCUBA equipment because it would be found, despite there being countless places to hide it. So instead of a specially-trained agent breaking in, Aria does it and she's hobbled by being morphed into a lookalike of one of the colony residents, despite this change hampering her mobility and losing her the ability to speak. All of this is done to conform to the fairytale, but none of it makes any sense whatsoever in the context of this story!

And who does she run into twice while on the mission? Only the guy she moons over from watching the colony reality show. I'm sorry but this is horseshit. It's thoughtlessly written, badly-written, and makes no sense overall. Badly written? Yeah. I read at one point, "and she gritted her teeth and pushed through" and then less than one screen later, I read, "She gritted her teeth as she pushed herself to her feet." There must be a lot of grit on those teeth. Hopefully she won't have to smile too much....

Aria's break-in takes place during a solar flare when the Mars satellites have to be shielded and no show is transmitted, so it's a quiet time on the colony: there's no filming, and she can sneak around. Since she's going in at night, it makes no difference because there's no filming at night so we're told! But here's what Aria says: "I thought only satellites around Mars had to go into shielded mode." She has this confirmed, but the author seems not to realize that Earth is nearer to the sun than Mars and therefore more at risk from solar flare damage, not less! If Mars satellites need to be shielded then Earth's satellites sure as hell do!

In being transported to the colony for her mission, Aria, who has this huge affinity for water, somehow fails to notice she's on a boat! There's this tunnel she has to swim through to get to the colony and we're told, "There aren't any cameras in the tunnel - for obvious reasons." What reason are those? Would one of them be so someone could swim into the easiest ingress into the facility undetected?! This is really bad writing. Yeah, they wouldn't transmit a TV show from cameras in underwater tunnels, but for security they would need them. And if they're maintenance tunnels why are they flooded?!

At another point I read, "Aria nodded, but her minds spun with terrible possibilities" Um, how many minds does Aria have? Is this another of her mutations? Or just a typo that wasn't caught? My theory? She has only one mind, but she makes up the others! LOL! A common YA author faux pas - meaning literally, a false step - is to say something like "He wanted to explore the areas of Mars that people had yet to step foot on." The phrase is actually 'set foot', not 'step foot' unless of course you're an evidently ill-educated YA author, in which case by all means step your foot in your mouth.

The author writes that for the colony, they had "genetically engineered some of the heartiest trees on Earth to thrive in the Martian environment." Heartiest really? I think she meant 'hardiest'. This is right up there with 'step foot' and 'staunch' when 'stanch' is meant. These are common, annoying and utterly predictable YA author screw-ups. I see them all the time. It's almost a hallmark of YA authorship.

The author seems not to know what a schematic is. I read that Aria had seen a "holographic schematic of the chip Declan had sent to help her identify it", but a picture of the chip isn't the same as a schematic, which is a circuit diagram! A schematic shows the wiring of the chip and it's hardly something that would help her identify it unless she saw inside the chip and was an engineer who was familiar enough with the technology to identify it from the schematic. Trust me, that's not Aria.

Another problem is when authors try to be too clever for their own good. This isn't a YA issue per se (not 'per say', which is another YA faux pas), but it is a sci-fi issue. The author has her characters on Mars referring to a day as a 'sol': "I haven't seen you in years, and now I've seen you twice in less than a sol." No one talks like that. Even Mars colonists, if there ever are any, will not talk like that, They will say 'day' since the Martian day, as the author points out correctly for once, is only about 40 minutes longer than an Earth day - The Martian year, on the other hand, is twice that of Earth, which is another reason the colonists and the viewers would know they were not on Mars.

There's no reason to use sol, just like there's no reason to refer to humans as 'Terans' as is done in every freaking stupid space travel story ever told. No one uses that word. Why would it suddenly become universal in the future? The planet is Earth, not Tera. It never has been called Tera. It's Earth and we're humans, Why would that change? And why oh, why would aliens call us Terans? It makes zero sense!

This novel doesn't make that mistake - at least as far as I read - but it does have people routinely swearing, yet using completely ridiculous cuss words - namely the names of the moons of Mars: Phobos and Deimos. No one will ever do that! It's never been done. Why would it? People have been saying 'fuck' and 'shit' for centuries. It won't change! Why are YA authors so stupid, and pathetic and squeamish about cuss words? I guess that says a lot about who these tepid stories are aimed at, huh?

Needless to say at this point, I lost patience and DNF'd this pile of crap. The truly sad thing is that the author apparently taught high school English for ten years. Ten frigging years! That makes me truly sad and actually glad she's no longer teaching. I condemn this novel for being yet another exemplar of all that's bad with story-telling, with the English language, and with YA novels.

Dreadmarrow Thief by Marjory Kaptanoglu

Rating: WARTY!

This is the second of this author's books I've tried to read and now I'm quite satisfied that she's not an author for me. The first problem with this novel is the multiple PoVs, at least one of which is first person, which rarely works for me. I found neither of the first two main characters I met to be of any interest, and I gave up quickly on any plans to read further. If I'd known that Kirkus reviews praised it I wouldn't have even started reading this, because Kirkus never met a novel they didn't rave over - like every novel is brilliant? How can that be?! Negative reviews are a big negative with them and what that means is that their reviews are worthless because they'll praise anything.

As far as this novel is concerned, the main character is an idiot whose irresponsible stupidity gets her father killed. That's a big enough indictment, but no doubt she gets over it very quickly with a cheap and badly-written YA "romance". Barf. The main character's name doesn't help: Tessa Skye? Seriously - a girl who has an amulet that can transform her into a sparrow just happens to be named 'skye'? She's supposedly a locksmith's apprentice although she seems to do little in that regard, but no doubt her lock-picking skills will predictably avail her in the story - perhaps when she frees this loser guy from the stocks, but I couldn't stomach the idea of reading that far.

The author seems enamored of trying to think up pseudo-catchy names for objects and running two words together to get there. For example, the amulet isn't an amulet, it's a 'windrider' and the magic wand Tessa seeks to resurrect the father she got killed is the 'dreadmarrow' of the title, but it's not made of bone, it's made of wood, so go figure. It's just a lot of stupid and pointless, but the biggest problem for me was that the story was slow, boring, and predictable. It was going nowhere and offered nothing that endless poorly-written YA stories haven't offered before. Because of that, it's not worth reading.

Dawn's Promise by AW Exley

Rating: WORTHY!

This novel is about Dawn Uxbridge who, it turns out, is an elemental and a protector of the environment. Yes, Dawn cleans up! Who knew?! She doesn't know this of course, having been raised in isolation because of her poor health. When her parents die in, she's told, an accident, she's required for the first time in her life to fend for herself. Her only skill is with plants in the small garden she tended at home, but now that she's losing the home because of her father's debts, she has to find employment elsewhere. In a desperate last bid, she applies for the post of gardener at the estate of Lord Jasper Seton. She gets the job. As the story grows like a well-tended garden, Dawn and Jasper slowly grow closer, and in a twist, Dawn also grows closer to the woman who's vile history is at the heart of the estate's problems.

The estate is in bad shape and seems to have a growth of poisonous vine enveloping much of it, but Dawn sets herself to revitalizing the garden as she learns much more about her nature and also the nature of Jasper. Yes, he's the inevitable muscular love interest, but in this case, despite his broad chest and strong arms, it wasn't actually so bad. This novel surprised me because I have tried twice and failed to find any redeeming values in Exley's writing. I normally would not have picked up a third work of hers, but the book description intrigued me, and this novel was actually very different from her other work that I've read, and much better-written, so maybe the third time really is a charm. The book drew me in from the start and occupied my attention, providing entertainment and fascination to the end. It was not without problems, though!

There were some issues with the writing. For an employer who has Dawn as his employee, Jasper takes far too many liberties with her, especially given the period the novel is set in, which is the late nineteenth century. Their behavior is at times scandalous for the era, but that's offset somewhat by the nature of their relationship, and who they are as elementals. One thing which jumped out at me though, was that shortly after Jasper has inappropriately kissed Dawn the following exchange takes place. He says, "It would appear we have much to discuss. Over dinner if you will join me. I will have the maids draw you a bath, and if I may be so bold, I will lay out a dress for you to wear." If I may be so bold?!! Really? That felt a bit much after he'd already kissed her without even asking.

A little later, Dawn was served what was described initially as 'broth' but was shortly after revealed to have meat and veg in it and was described as 'soup'. It was unnecessarily confusing. Broth typically means the liquid remnant after having boiled something solid, whereas soup is the whole thing. There was the usual YA-style ignorance over anatomy as this author used the term 'bicep' to describe the biceps brachii on the upper arm: "Her exploring hand continued up over a bicep" and later, "She revelled in the shape of muscles under skin and ran her nails along a bicep." Technically there is a 'bicep', but it's not the bulge in the arm that this author means. It's one of two attachments of that muscle to the bone on the shoulder end of the biceps. I doubt that's what Dawn was fondling. Later I read, "His teethed nipped her skin." This is definitely a case where two 'ed's are not better than one. Note the word 'reveled' above is the English spelling, and so is correct.

Those were relatively minor issues. The big problem is - and here's a spoiler - that at one point Jasper is raped by the villainess, and this isn't the first time. She does it on this specific occasion for Dawn to witness it and thereby try to break them up, and it almost works because for some reason, Dawn goes off on Jasper, victim blaming! Why she does this I do not know because she saw the whole thing and it makes zero sense that she would mistake his being deliberately snared and rendered helpless, and taken advantage of, for his participating willingly. This could have been much better written - like having Dawn encounter these two at the end of the rape when, if written properly, Dawn might have mistaken it for the conclusion of a consensual liaison.

When Dawn and Jasper finally consummate their relationship, Dawn behaves so unrealistically that it spoils the whole thing. Anyone who knows me or has read any of my work knows that I'm far from being any sort of a fan of shy, retiring females, but for me, for this particular character in these circumstances, this was written badly. She's nowhere near the reserved type she's been consistently portrayed as, and it reads like a betrayal of the character and cheapens her. Exley should perhaps avoid writing sex scenes and overly long romantic interludes, but aside from that, I enjoyed the story overall, and I'm not willing to condemn it for some mistakes like this. Maybe other readers will not find them as bad as I did, but overall, I thought the story was good, and I commend it as a worthy read.

Cobweb Bride by Vera Nazarian

Rating: WARTY!

For my very last review of 2020 before I take a well-earned break after fifteen straight months of 33 reviews a month, I'm sorry to report that it's a negative one! I don't even remember how I came to get this book, but now having read some of it, it seems to me that this is very much a rip-off of the BBC television serial Torchwood, specifically the fourth season, Torchwood: Miracle Day which was transmitted by the BBC in the summer of 2011, as well as on Starz in the USA. This novel trilogy was first published three years later, in 2014.

Like in Torchwood, death takes a holiday, with people failing to die even though they have a terminal illness or are 'killed' in battle. In this novel the reason is that 'Death' is looking for his cobweb bride and won't collect another body until he finds her. No one apparently has any idea what that means, nor does 'Death' enlighten them, which seems ridiculous to me. Thus the beginning of the novel describes - in the most disturbingly graphic terms - illness and horrific battle injuries, which turned me off. A bit of that to establish the story I can read, but when it seems to go on forever, and ever more graphically, I'm not a fan.

From there it devolved into a rambling story that seemed to go nowhere, switching characters almost as much as it switches paragraphs, and I lost both track of it as well as interest in it. I DNFd it, and I can't commend it based on the portion of it that I could stand to read.

Wellybobbers Visit Tikka Tonga Lake by A Swan, Sarah-Leigh Wills

Rating: WARTY!

Written by Swan, and illustrated by Wills, this picture book aimed at young children was a serious disappointment. I got the impression that it had been designed as a print book and then tossed into the ebook world as an afterthought, and it didn't work. I had thought it might be amusing, being already familiar with what wellybobs are (for the uninitiated, it's a cute Brit name for wellington boots, aka galoshes).

I looked at this using Net Galley's PDF, and that was messed up. It looked like picture ebooks usually look like when viewed in a Kindle. The Amazon process is renowned in my experience for shredding, spindling, and julienning picture books - or anything that isn't plain vanilla text for that matter - and sure enough it turned this book into kindling as expected. How this became so bad, and yet no one seems to have noticed, is a mystery to me, but based on the two examples I saw, in two different formats, this book is a disaster. Maybe the print version looks sweet, but I don't get to see that.

The story is supposed to be about elves having an adventure helping a squirrel find a nut, but in the PDF version, I had to page through several blank pages to find any with an illustration, and when I got there, there was no text. None at all. Not anywhere after the introductory page. The images were also split between screens, and viewing them in landscape mode did nothing to improve upon this.

The Kindle version did have text, but the pictures were split between screens and the text did not match the picture it appeared next to. I paged through to about half-way and seeing no sign of improvement, I gave up on it. Yes, the text rhymes, but that's not all it takes to make an engaging story. The illustrations were okay, but nothing spectacular enough to make up for the poor presentation, so overall I was not at all impressed, and I cannot commend this as a worthy read.