Don't Juggle Bees by Gerald Hawksley

Rating: WORTHY!

The title of this book would seem to be eminently safe and useful advice, as is everything between these covers! Back in February 2016, I favorably reviewed this author's book which advised readers what to do if they have a hat, amongst other things. It seemed such a sensible book that I figured this one had to be of equal utility , and I am pleased to report that I was not wrong!

Juggling bees, however, is only one aspect of this fount of wisdom. Other useful tips include advice on whether it's wise to take a bath with a crocodile, balance an elephant on your nose, bounce on the bed with a hippo (parents might want to weigh in on that), or let monkeys drive your car. I can't find fault with any of the advice given here, and so I can do no other than to recommend this book! It's full of fun, frivolity and silliness in fine fettle, and it's probably guaranteed to make your child smile if not belly laugh (although this should not be deemed as an offer or representation for legal purposes. Or porpoises. It definitely amused me. That, I do guarantee!

Magruder's Curiosity Cabinet by HP Wood

Rating: WORTHY!

The novel is copyrighted to Hilary Poole, which I assume is the HP part of the author's name, and of course that’s conjoined with the 'Wood' surname, a classic of fine literature (though I say so myself...!). How could I not want to read this? I was well rewarded for my self-serving gamble.

This novel (which I read in an advance review copy for which I was very grateful!) is evidently set in an alternate timeline, because there was no major outbreak of Bubonic plague on Coney island at the turn of the 20^th century. That particular outbreak took place on the opposite coast, where the idiot governor was in denial and thereby exacerbated the disease outbreak dangerously. Here, the outbreak happens in and around Coney Island and in true human tradition, the "freaks" of the carny are deemed less than human and quarantined for it. It’s easy to see this as a class struggle, but in truth, the poor lived in (slightly) less hygienic conditions than the wealthy, and this is where the rats (and the fleas they carried) congregated, so in one small way it was rational, although it was clearly done for irrational reasons.

The story revolves around two axes which quickly come into alignment. The first of these is a seventeen-year-old girl named Kitty, who is living on the streets in New York despite, just a few days before, being resident at a nice hotel. it takes a while to discover how she came to be in such sorry straits. Another part of the story involves the eponymous curiosity cabinet, which is less of a cabinet (in the way we view it today) and more of a museum. The evil undercurrent of Bubonic plague provides the grease upon which this story slides, creating very much of an 'us against them' mentality, but it’s not quite that black and white, despite there being characters of both hues playing important roles. There are undercurrents all over, none of them in the ocean.

The characters are beautifully defined, and each makes for intriguing, entertaining, and enjoyable reading. There is Zeph, not a midget, but forced to live like one because of an accident. There is Archie, an aging con-man who, despite his complete lack of ethics and empathy, plays an important part. There is Timur, the frightening, dangerous, and reclusive inventor at the heart of Magruder's. There is P-Ray, who only Nazan figures out, and there is Nazan's gentleman friend Spencer, a rich boy who plays his own unexpected role.

The most fascinating characters for me, however, were the females, three of them, all strong, but not in a super-hero, kicking-butt way. They were strong in the way an arch is. Nazan is a frustrated scientist, self-taught and at odds with her family. Kitty is the young girl, cast adrift, but not without a rudder. Another, although lesser character is Mademoiselle Vivi Leveque, leopard trainer extraordinaire. My favorite however, is Rosalind, although not a female - or maybe that depends on which day of the week it is. (S)he definitely has some classic lines to speak. At a party when America's elite, including Theodore Roosevelt - are in attendance, we get two great lines, one of which is Rosalind's. She's interrupted in conversation with Henry Ford (who has no idea she is a he and vice-versa), and resumes it thus:

Rosalind bats his lashes at Ford. "As I was saying, Henry, is there really no other color than black for your cars?”

This is not the only amusing observation she makes. The other line is Spencer's at that same gig:

"Well, Roosevelt, let’s see how rough a rider you truly are."

At one point, Nazan effects an English accent in order to try to find someone, and the hotel guy to whom she's s speaking says,

“I’ll direct you to the laundry,” he says, “if you promise to stop speaking like that.”

which slayed me. An honorable mention must also be bestowed upon Vivi, who emits this fine epithet:

"Vil mécréant! Accapareur de merde d’abeille!”

never have bee droppings been put to finer use!

This story is told well and moves at a solid work-like pace which kept me swiping screens. The threat looming over Magruder's isn’t of the disease vector variety; it's about another disease entirely: the narrow-minded, money-grubbing, dehumanizing one. There's always something new and intriguing (or disturbing) going on. The unexpected should be expected often. The story is a very human one, endearing, warm, disturbing, and deeply engaging. I recommend this novel completely and without reservation (not even as the classy Hotel where Kitty had stayed).

The Big Bad Wolf My Side of the Story by Kate Clary

Rating: WORTHY!

If you've ever suffered bad neighbors, you'll enjoy this retelling of the three little pigs from the wolf's PoV. The wolf wasn't out hunting them down and threatening them. She was simply trying to get some peace and quiet and those pesky pigs were building trashy homes next door, and partying noisily into the night. It was simply too much!

I think this chapter book, which is short, simply written, and charming to read, would do great put up against the original story. You could organize it like a court case with your kids, using plush toys for the accused and so on, present each side, and then argue out which is telling the truth! I recommend this one.

My New Fighting Technique is Unstoppable by David Rees

Rating: WORTHY!

This was one of the most oddball off-the-wall graphic novels I've ever read. It's also an object lesson in how to make your own comic book. It looks like the author simply cut and pasted black and white line-drawn images from martial arts (specifically karate) technique manuals, and then added his own highly humorous (and highly foul-mouthed, be warned) speech.

Sometimes the same images would be used over and over again with different speech, even in the same order. One time the exact same speech balloons were used with a different set of images. Sometimes an image is reversed. Very minimalist and quite inventive. Also, eminently effective if you have a good story to tell or some hilarious remarks to make, and this one came through in gold bullion on that score. I don't imagine this will amuse everyone, but it sure found my funny bone. Don't ask me to explain it - I can't. Something is either funny to you or it's not, and this was funny as hell to me.

Every conversation was about technique and kicking ass, spreading rumors and fighting weird fighting dudes. The weird characters began appearing early; fighters like Karate Snoopy and Circulatory System man, which no "Normal Man" would be able to fight. Ambulance drivers were kept in rip-roaring business at this "Karate Temple". Even imaginary fighters might become real, in which case could you beat them even in your imagination? Only David Rees can answer these questions! You can find new cartoons and his whole crazy world on his website: http://www.mnftiu.cc/. I recommend this ten times over!

Drones by Chris Lewis

Rating: WARTY!

The test of whether a novel is a worthy read is what you recall of it afterwards. You don't need to recall it all in perfect detail, by any means, to know you liked it, but if you recall the overall plot and some fondly remembered details, it did its job. That's the problem I had with Drones - a few days after I read it and came to write this review, I discovered I couldn't remember a thing about it and I realized that I would have to leaf through it to refresh my memory. I do remember I didn't finish it because the story was nonsensical to me and uninteresting. Of course your mileage may differ. I hope it does, but this is my take on it.

This was supposed to be a satire on terrorism, but it fell flat for me. It was really hard to follow what was really going on, and since it mixed 'real life' (the main characters are drone pilots) with 'fiction' (they take a few days off in Vegas and stay at a "terrorism themed hotel"), it was also hard to grasp at first whether there was real terrorism was going on in Vegas, or whether it was just "play".

I know it was satirical, but after starting into this, I really began to find the theme abhorrent, and the action totally confusing. Half the time I had no idea what was going on or how we got to this page from the previous page, and it quickly became tedious to read, and not at all engaging to my mind. I quit reading at around the 75% mark because I had better things to do with my life than to sit through any more of this trying to figure out what was going on. I can't recommend it. If the art work had been brilliant, that might have made some difference, but it was merely workman-like, and while it wasn't bad, it had nothing special to recommend it.

Anything That Loves (Various Authors)

Rating: WARTY!

Given the diversity sexual identities this purports to cover, Sapphic novel would not have identified it, so graphic novel it is! That said, there was an unwarranted bias towards bisexuality and people's confusion over it. I don't get that! People like what they like what's to confuse? This novel had an introduction which I skipped, and then also a graphic introduction. I don't know what that was all about. Finally we got onto the stories which is what interested me, and frankly, it was a mixed bag. Many were entertaining, but there were some oddities along the way, and I felt gender diversity was ill-served, which turned me off this overall.

The biggest problem was that this had a preachy tone to it, which wasn't appreciated, especially since this is more than likely going to be preaching to the choir, which begs the question of who this is expected to reach. But I wasn't going to worry about that since it's likely more aimed at reassurance than at reaching out to new pastures. Those pastures were sadly limited, though and largely populated with sheep.

The first one I really liked was Mango by Mari Naomi. I don't know exactly why I liked it so much. Maybe it was its brevity and simplicity, but it definitely spoke to me in some language. The slightly psychedelic artwork helped.

Some of the stories were rather trite and predictable, but then I'd happen upon one which came out of the blue (with the emphasis on coming out, obviously!). One which literally came out of the blue (it was set in the ocean) was Biped by Ashley Cook and Caroline Hobbs. I loved the play on bay for gay, although I was a bit surprised that bay-sexual never showed up! Bi-ped made up for that, though!

Comics Made me Queer by Lena Chandhok was fun, and got in a plug for Alison Bechdel, which is never a bad thing, and Erika Moen, who also has a story to tell here (LUG) which is awesome and does a better job of getting the point over than do half-a-dozen other stories on the same topic in this volume. Maurice Yellekoop's A Date with Gloria Badcock was a lot of fun, and a great choice of a character name there.

Kevin Boze's Platypus fell a bit flat for me. I take his point about humans obsessively categorizing things, but there's a reason for it in scientific endeavors. Although species, over time, are mutable, genus and species classification is very valid as a snapshot, and very useful. I can't say the same when people try to do it to music and novels and movies - and sexual identities! I wish he had chosen music rather than display some ignorance over evolution science to make his point.

Moen's second story, Queer left me with a less favorable impression. One of the big themes in this book, apart from its dedicated obsession with bisexuality and its neglect of other gender identities, is that of labeling, with which I can sympathize if not truly empathize. Based on what's related in this book, bisexuals evidently have a lot of jackasses who can't grasp that, just as gender identity is a sliding, and not a discrete digital scale, someone who is bisexual is also on a sliding scale from almost 100% gay all the way to almost 100% hetero (no one is actually 100% either way, let's face it!).

Somehow people can't cope with that, and think that when they're dating someone of the same (or more accurately, similar!) gender, then they must be gay and when they date someone of a different gender then they must be straight. I have this same kind of a problem when people learn I'm vegetarian! They ask, "What do you eat?" like, if you don't eat meat, then there's nothing else. They can't see an alternative. Horse shit! And no, that's not my diet, it's my comment on their being horse's asses.

My problem with Moen's story here though has to do with the labeling. She complains about the labeling of gender preferences, but then proudly identifies as queer! What's that if not yet another label? I can't see that as a very wise solution. It's her choice, of course: she can identify as whatever she wants, and I'm good with whatever she (or anyone else) choses for her or himself, but it felt like her approach was somewhat lacking in logic. OTOH, it's gender preference, and I'm not sure logic even applies. It is what it is.

Some of the other stories were nonsensical or too scrambled to attract my attention, much less my approval. Some were not appealing. Others, like Roberta Gregory's Queer Career, were far too much text and far too little variety of image and I hadn't the patience to plow through them, especially given that they were really repeating the same thing far too many other stories had already done to death. At least I think the title was Queer Career. This was another problem in that there was no title page for the individual stories - they ran into one another and on a couple of occasions, I had to back pedal to discover I'd started on a different story. While I appreciate saving trees by not adding superfluous pages, The titles were not at all well defined in many cases, so I wasn't actually sure what the story was called. Some help there would have been appreciated.

Given the focus on labels here, I was astounded to see one story where an example of a woman wearing a dress and sporting leg hair was seemingly held up as a problem, but when I later went back to find this (and had a hard time doing so), I wasn't so sure looking at it the second time that it really was doing what I thought it had been the first time I saw it, so maybe this wasn't a problem! LOL! Talk about confusion....

Jason Quest's Scout was the first story featuring people of color, and I was almost half-way through this book by then. A little more representation would have been better appreciated. This one made up in quality what was sorely lacking in quantity, fortunately. It was followed by the long and excellent Swimming Pool Suitor by Leanne Franson (Leanne, I'd be your platonic date if I were not married and not living miles away!).

One problem is that while some stories went on way too long and contributed little beyond killing a few extra trees - which as you know are very bad for preventing climate change - others such as Leanne Franson's could have stood to be longer, but the biggest problem was that, as I've mentioned, the book is obsessed with bisexuality, which isn't what the front cover misleads us to expect. I think it could have used a much better editing job and a lot more diversity and subtlety.

Far too much of this book was focused on sex rather than love which, given the title, is a complete betrayal. Yes, there were delightfully many stories about companionship and caring, and friendship and love, but there were also stories which had people jumping into bed on the first date, having picked up a stranger in a bar or somewhere, yet there was nary a word about safe sex. I think it was mentioned twice in this entire book. That's shameful. If you want to promote understanding of gender queer people and relationships, then the last thing you want to do is play into the absurd religiously-fueled stereotype that all gays are sexually obsessed and that's all there is to it. I was expecting better from a book like this and writers like these.

The biggest betrayal, however, is that while the cover subtitle is "Beyond 'gay' and 'straight'", these authors can see only minor variations on bisexuality, so despite all this blather about labels and gender preference fluidity, there was no dance party here. There were only three relatively rigid labels - gay, straight, and bi, and this is bullshit. It's for this reason that I cannot recommend this, although your mileage will more than likely differ. At least I hope it does, otherwise all those trees died for nothing.

Zombie Versus Fairy Featuring Albinos by James Marshall

Rating: WORTHY!

The world of zombies is real, but we know nothing of it because the zombies have an alliance with the supernatural people, such as fairies and centaurs, who clean up after the zombies and keep them hidden from the humans. In return, the zombies agree not to stage any rampages, and to keep their carnal pleasures down to a reasonable amount. This bites, but they now must focus their lack of attention only on people who genuinely want to embrace the zombie death-style. No problem there.

Buck Burger, however, is a depressed zombie. He hates the wife-style, especially when she catches him cleaning up. She’s disgusted by this and nags him to be all he can zombie. It’s a great life in the harmful. She wants to go to counselling with him just as all her friends are doing. Buck gets a prescription from his zombie doctor for his condition, and has it filled by the fairy pharmacist, whom he befriends. Though he’s winging it more than she is, he’s in awe of her élan vital, her perfection and cleanliness, and the fact that she can feel through her skin. Little does he know that the albinos, who control 90% of your average zombie’s brain and who, in favoring ordered chaos over zombie mayhem, have a far-reaching plan. Buck is going to be an integral part of it. He’s the kind of zombie who has no balls, but grew some (this pun is dedicated to Aimee, purger of puns by appointment to her major jesting Queen).

Despite the fact that I fell in love with the title, I wasn’t sure I would like this when I first began reading it. There is a previous volume to this, set in the same world, but not necessarily featuring all the same characters, and a similar sequel. I am interested in reading both of them now. I had not read the first volume, however (never having heard of it), and did not need to have done so in order to enjoy this, but this particular volume got its teeth into me and would not let go. The writing is really good – if you’re willing to ignore the fact that the author is yet another who employs staunch when he means stanch. Apart from that, his writing style in some ways reminds me of Jasper Fforde, so if you like the latter and also like zombies, especially humorous ones, then there’s a good chance you’ll like this.

The novel flagged a bit in the middle but came back strongly and kept my interest. Overall I rate it a worthy read.

Max the Brave by Ed Vere

Rating: WORTHY!

I almost missed my chance to review this one - Net Galley slipped it into my in box without me getting any kind of notification via email (that I recall anyway!) that it was there. Fortunately I found it before the deadline was up, because it would have been a tragedy to have missed an hilarious and charming children's book like this one.

Max is a fearless cat, as all cats are of course. He's black with huge eyes, perky ears and a swishy tail which doubtlessly twitches in anticipation. It's nice to have a super hero of color for a change! He hates to be dressed up in bows. His one real ambition in life is to chase mice, and possibly eat them if he has the time and it doesn't prove to be too much trouble. Unfortunately his education falls short of this ambition. He has no idea what a mouse looks like and consequently is left in the rather embarrassing position of making plaintive inquiries of any creature he encounters in his quest. If there's one thing cats cannot abide (apart from getting wet), it's being embarrassed.

Since the animals he encounters are largely honest, bless their little furry and feathery socks, he eventually hits upon the mouse trail, if not tail, but what he doesn't know is that the resident mouse lies - like a dog in fact - and worse than this, directs him to the neighborhood monster, the cat now operating under the tragic misaprehension that the creature is the mouse! I loved the word play on 'Gulp" at this point.

I recommend this story for the sheer fun of it and the cute drawings. Everybody loves an adventurous quest story and this is a fun one that children will want to hear again and again. This is definitely a worthy read!

The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant by Drew Hayes

Rating: WORTHY!

This is a first person PoV novel which for me is usually worst person PoV. I don't like the person because it's usually done badly and gets in the way of telling a good story. Here's the author explaining what a poor choice of voice it was, at the start of a later chapter:

** Note: Since I was not present for Krystal's experience after she was taken from my apartment, she has requested to tell this part of the story in her own words, rather than have it relayed. Therefore, the next two chapters will recount a part of the tale I cannot vouch for, as I did not witness it firsthand.**

As it happens, the voice wasn't completely nauseating so obviously this author can write it, although first hand is two words, not one. If in doubt, dash it out: first-hand!

It takes chutzpah to try to hawk a novel which has the words "utterly uninteresting" embedded in the very title. Fred is an accountant. He's lackluster, timid, and was alternately bullied and ignored in high school, yet he elects to attend the ten-year reunion. He's fortunate that it's at night, because as a vampire, he cannot go out in daylight.

Despite enjoying eternal youth, endless longevity, and vampire 'super powers" such as strength and night vision, Fred is still retiring and intimidated by the school jocks and the school hotties. He does take satisfaction in knowing that as they age and wrinkle, and spread around the middle, he will continue to be slim, strong, and youthful. He contemplates a future where he could visit his nemesis in his retirement home just to make fun of him, but quickly decides he should probably just confine himself to dancing on his grave instead.

He doesn't expect to see any of his nerd acquaintances at the reunion - not friends, even, just acquaintances - so he's rather surprised when Krystal sits down beside him at his lonely table. He asks her about her work, and she promptly makes an excuse to go to the bathroom. He doesn't expect to see her again, but when the lights go out in the gym and he discovers the doors are locked, he makes his way up to the commentator's box high in the rafters to hide out, and he's surprised to find her trussed to a table up there.

He's even more surprised when she finally reveals that she works for a secret government agency which keeps paranormals under control, and he's more than disturbed to discover that the school reunion has been targeted by a hungry pack of werewolves.

This is the start of not so much a story, but a series of chronologically-ordered vignettes which are amusing, engrossing, inventive, original and self contained, although linked to one another. It was interesting to me to read this not only because it's original and offers a really interesting alternative take on vampires, but also because I reviewed a book containing a similar arrangement of stories recently. That book was so repetitive and uninventive that it was boring and not a worthy read. This one, even though it used a similar format, was quite the opposite.

That's not to say there were no issues with it. There are nearly always issues! The question is whether the author can offer you enough of a solid story to make the issues relatively unimportant when it comes to overall enjoyment. This author has an interesting way with words, and often that's fine, but in some cases I was wondering what he meant. "...[T]hat was not a burden with which I had been shouldered" is not good phraseology! "That was not a burden I was used to shouldering" would have made more sense.

In another case, I read, "Ah, the crux of vanity." I can see what he means, but shuddered to read it rendered like that. There were other cases where too many words were used. This is a case of using non-words like 'irregardless' when 'regardless' does perfectly fine. In this case, the author wrote: "...formerly abandoned church..." He meant an abandoned church. A formerly abandoned church is one which is now back in service (pun intended!). There was only one out-and-out spelling error that I noticed, which was "damndest", and which is missing an 'e', and one case of using the wrong word: "...which clearing wasn't feeding." I think he meant "which clearly wasn't feeding." One final one was "We tread slowly across the plush red carpet" when the author obviously meant "we trod".

A spell checker would have caught only a couple of these errors. You need a good editor or beta readers to catch the others. It wasn't all bad though, by any means. The writing in general was commendable and I enjoyed reading this. We get an object lesson in how to avoid using 'inch' as a verb, for example: "She pulled it inward inch by inch" (as opposed to "she inched it in" which is what a writer who loves English less than this author does might have fed their readers).

I was nonetheless disturbed to see yet another writer who is evidently convinced that you can't say 'female character' in your novel without qualifying it by adding "beautiful". We got: "I didn't have a lot of experience with beautiful women asking me out..." and "... it had certainly made her beautiful."

This was the main female character who had been some other sort of persona non grata in high school, and who had been evidently over-weight. How she managed to evidently slim down and turn beautiful post-high-school isn't explained, but the explanation I really wanted was why? Why could she not still be the nerd (or whatever she was) from school? Why did she have to be rendered "beautiful" to make her acceptable, thereby loudly instructing all the real girls who had high school experiences like hers, that they're really still losers because they're are not now slim and beautiful? It's an insult to women everywhere regardless of who they are and how they look. I wish writers wouldn't do this so routinely that it's become very nearly a rule.

That complaint aside, I did, as I've indicated, really warm to this story and to the characters. It moved quickly, told interesting and original stories, and was an engrossing read, so I rate it worthy regardless of the issues I've raised, while hooping for better in the next outing with this author!

Trashed by Derf Backderf

Rating: WORTHY!

18 months of trash generated by Americans would form a line of full garbage trucks that would stretch to the Moon. A quarter billion tons a year - three pounds of trash per person per day - even after recycling. Half a century ago we generated less when there was no recycling (granted the population was less, though)!

That's the vein in which Derf Backderf launches his graphic novel, and he apparently knows what he's talking about, having worked as a garbage-man at one point in his life. This is both a reality-based fictional romp through the garbage and an instruction manual on what's wrong with our 'waste lots care not' society vis-à-vis our generation and disposal (or not) of our trash.

We learn a lot about the dubious joys of this line of work from the disgustingly liquid and stinking garbage of the summer to the frozen to the curb garbage of winter, as well as other issues such as the weight of the garbage, the dangers of driving a truck on icy roads, and the exhaust fumes coming out at face height on a truck supposedly designed to allow guys to ride on the outside - right behind that exhaust! The authors tells us that garbage collection has the sixth highest mortality rate, behind only logging, commercial fishing, piloting aircraft, roofing, and iron working. Yep, they beat out even policing and fire fighting!

So what's in our trash? According to the author, using an EPA survey, a third of our trash is food and yard waste, which effectively recycles itself as compost. Another third is recyclable materials such as wood, metal, plastic and glass. Less than ten percent of the plastic is recycled. And the EPA figures used here may not even be telling the whole truth.

The distressing thing is that this graphic novel itself wastes paper by having way too much white space and empty pages! In the e-version which I read, this doesn't matter of course, but it would if it went to a significant print run. In addition to assorted blank pages throughout the course of this book, and the occasional page with only one small illustration, there is a rather staggering twelve blank pages at the end of the book. That's an even number, meaning this book could have been significantly smaller and thereby used proportionately less paper in a print version. It's worth thinking about - but then so is the content of this book.

The novel is illustrated crisply and competently in black and white line drawings. The author doesn't know how to spell temperamental (tempermental? No!) or asbestos (asbestoes is not a disease you want, trust me on this!). After a while it occurred to me that this had been done deliberately, but I wasn't sure. Other than that, this is good, interesting, fun, and best of all, informative enough to make a reader think. For example, although we now have less than a quarter of the active landfills we used to have, the size of the landfills has increased. The example this author gives is of Salton, which expanded from eight acres, 45 feet deep in 2008 to 287 acres 250 feet deep in 2012. Some can dip down to four hundred feet. Some can cover more than two thousand acres, or over three square miles, such as the one outside Las Vegas. The author gets all these things across without any long and boring lectures.

On the up side, landfills can produce methane which can be captured and used as energy for up to half a century after the landfill becomes land full. On the down side, even a ten acre landfill can leak 3,000 gallons of toxic fluids into ground water every year, and the decomposition of the waste takes almost forever. Even a steel can might take half a century to disintegrate; a plastic bottle almost half a millennium, and both of them should have been recycled. Don't even get started on the yellow torpedoes - the plastic drink bottles full of urine that are tossed out by truckers who don't want to stop for a rest break. Utah, so we're told, found 30,000 of these one year!

There are over 4,000 landfills in Texas alone, both functional and defunct. This reminded me of the John Lennon contribution to the Beatles song, A Day in the life: "I read the news today, oh boy! 4,000 landfills, Texas, USA, and so the stink was rather large, and we could smell it all. Now we know how just how much stench it takes to fill the Astrodome! I have to re-cy-cuhl-uh-uhl-uh-uhl...."

I highly recommend this book as a very informative and worthy, if rather depressing, read, but get the e-version!

Keep Austin Weird by Mary Jane

Title: Keep Austin Weird
Author: Mary Jane (no website found)
Publisher: Smashwords
Rating: WORTHY!

Errata:
"He then flawless recited..." should be "He then flawlessly recited..." (note I read this on a smartphone which means that page numbers are useless and locations are pretty much worthless when we can simple do a search).
"when I picked up you backpack" should be "when I picked up your backpack..."
"...once or twice.”“Really, just one our twice..." should be "...once or twice.”“Really, just once or twice..."
"Texas’ capitol building" should be "Texas’s capitol building". Texas isn't a plural so it's apporpriate to add apostrophe 's'.
"...if she was like that when they first meet..." should be "...if she was like that when they first met...".
"knew each other at UT.”They shake hands and exchange pleasantries, Kim mentally trying to place the term, 'know each other..." should be ”They shake hands and exchange pleasantries, Kim mentally trying to place the term, 'knew each other..." (Tense is changed).
"You’re Bitchy Barista reputation" should be "Your Bitchy Barista reputation"
"I’m violating the only philosophical tenant..." should be "I’m violating the only philosophical tenet..."

Mary Jane may be male or female (I am by no means convinced by the Goodreads blurb for this author! Is "Mary Jane" really comedian Lindsay Rousseau? Who knows?) and it doesn't matter, except that this author treasures anonymity so highly that I can't give you an author's website, although you can try here to get a sampling of this author's writing which sports titles such as, "Like Water for Macaroni". The title of this novel is unfortunate because if you enter it as a search term on the web, you're going to get everything but this novel showing up, including an ungodly number of tie-dyed T-shirts! That and a few too many typos aside, it was a fun read.

The story is about Eleanor Cooprider and Kim Park, who are people I would definitely like to know. Having said that I wouldn't want to go to one of their soirées, which I confess struck me as slightly tedious. These two are at their best when it's just these two, and they're talking about any topic. They're playful, smart, interesting, eclectic, off-beat, irreverent, supportive, and very warm people who dearly love each other no matter what.

This story begins at the beginning - they day they met, but then it jumps around a lot, be warned - perhaps a bit too much for some readers, but for me it wasn't too annoying, just a little confusing here and there. The chapters have a sub-heading giving time and place, full of pseudo-self-importance which is always a bad sign, and which assumes that the reader actually remembers the time and place from the previous chapter, which is neither a wise nor is it a safe assumption given how engrossing their story is when it's really good. It's not very flowing either, in addition to being rather non-linear.

I had some issues with the story in general. For example, Kim is 23 but she references Larry Bird. Bird was a Boston Celtics player who had a distinguished career, but he retired in 1992, before Kim was born. It’s not really very likely she would recall him or esteem him as a player. It's possible, but a much more recent reference would have made more sense here. The problem was that the author was so locked into the name that she evidently forgot to check for appropriateness.

The Christmas play they put on as the story gets going is one about Charlie Brown and Christmas. We read, "...actually entitled 'Linus and Lucy'...", but entitled is used wrongly. It should be 'titled'. 'Entitled means something different, although I see more and more authors using it wrongly like this.

If you can handle this however, you're in for a treat. This story follows the two from their first meeting at the school where they teach, until Eleanor retires - and it's quite a short book. Kim is convinced that Eleanor is a super hero because she can detect which career is best for her young school charges, but even super heroes make mistakes. The question is, what will happen to their relationship if Eleanor's "high flying" days come crashing down around the two of them?

I loved this story (mostly!) and recommend it.

Gronk by Katie Cook

Title: Gronk
Author: Katie Cook
Publisher: Action Lab Comics
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

This graphic novel charmed me completely. I loved it from the cover illustration onwards. It even comes with its own website!. It ran all the time along the border of being too sugary, but for me it never really slipped over sufficiently to turn me off. The author sounds like someone it would be fun to know. Were it not for the presence of the sweet young monster, I could almost believe this was an auto-biography.

In Gronk we learn of an ugly green monster who really isn't ugly or a monster, or even very scary (but who is assuredly green) and who is too sweet and pleasantly-dispositioned to live up to really monstrous standards. She leaves her world and accidentally finds her way into the author's, where she's rapidly adopted, joining the author, who lives in a rather isolated cabin with her pet cat and pet dog (who is more of a 'monster' than ever Gronk is).

From there we follow this family's daily life in a series of Sunday newspaper style comics section vignettes, as Gronk learns about he human world and how to fit into it. Why does the cat spend so much time sitting in a cardboard box? Why isn’t it wise to invite the dog into the box? Should cats be bathed daily by sitting them in the toilet and flushing it? What’s the best way to play Monopoly? Why doesn’t Candyland actually have candy? And so on! These are certainly questions I want serious answers to!

One of the strongest pluses of this novel is that it shows with heart and feeling how different people, different personalities and different outlooks can live together in harmony (aside from an occasional glitch!). I recommend it for that, and for the comfortable and pleasing artwork in full color - artwork that looks more like heart-work it's so warm and cozy. Yes, I went there. Unashamedly! The author takes a page or two at the end to offer an interesting story of how Gronk became a character and then a story. It just goes to show that doodling isn’t a problem - it’s a feature!

Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

Title: Beauty Queens
Author: Libba Bray
Publisher: Scholastic
Rating: WORTHY!

I've been somewhat of a fan of this author since I read the A Great and Terrible Beauty trilogy - a trilogy that made sense, was well-written, and enjoyable. I looked at other titles by Bray, of course, but I've never found one which appealed as much as that did. Until now!

Beauty Queens is one of the funniest and best-written novels that I've ever not read. I say that because I didn't read this - I listened to the audio book read by Libba Bray herself, and she does a damned fine job of it. I recommend getting the audio book over the print or ebook because she reads it perfectly.

This just goes to show how brain-dead it truly is to insist upon actors for reading the audio versions of published books. Actors may be fine at acting, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're any good at all at reading novels for an audience, and audio book publishers simply don't get that for some reason. Another book I enjoyed in the audio book version was The Golden Compass narrated by Philip Pullman and read by an ensemble cast. The Subtle Knife was just as enjoyable in the same format. I haven't got to the third in that audio trilogy yet.

The big problem with audio books is the expense, of course: the CD versions are way expensive, but with the advent of audio ebooks, perhaps this will change - although with Big Publishing™, I wouldn't hold out much hope. I got mine from the Libba-rary(!), and once I knew how good it was, I went out and bought the hardback - which I got at a nice discount - just to have it on my shelf.

This novel gripped me from the start and made me laugh out loud repeatedly. I routinely by-pass introductions and prologues in books, but this is hard to do with audio-books, so I just let this play. I enjoyed every bit of it right from the start, fortunately.

The story begins with fifty teen beauty queens, one from each US state, surviving a plane crash on a remote island, and their dealing with the aftermath. The first couple of chapters were so hilarious that I was pretty much ready to give this a 'worthy read' rating even if the rest of it was crappy!

Fortunately, it wasn't. The author creates a whole set of characters (not all fifty get a significant part, but a bunch of them do), and each has a distinct personality and behavior - and they all have interesting back-stories. There was some serious work went into this one. The sly, anarchic humor runs rampant through every chapter.

It's not simply stranded beauty queens, which is hilarious enough in itself, especially with the author's writing subtly undermining the whole concept of beauty pageants. It's also the behind-the-scenes machinations by the pageant organizers and, believe it or not, arms running! I fully and highly recommend this one - the audio version in particular.

The Amazing Brain of OC Longbotham by Barbara Spencer

Title: The Amazing Brain of OC Longbotham
Author: Barbara Spencer
Publisher: Troubador
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

Delightfully illustrated by Charley Belles.

Philip James Longbotham lives with his mom and two older sisters, Anna, and Kitty. He's four years old and is rather OCD. He liked to measure their new home every day in case it had grown in the night. He seems to have a vocabulary way in excess of what might be expected in you typical four-year-old, but he soon grows into it.

This novel consists of text and images, some of which contain text, continuing the story, but some of those were barely legible in the Adobe Digital Editions version of the novel, and this was on a reading page measuring approximately ten inches by six (that's very approximately 25cm by 15cm for the rest of the world outside the antique USA). Hopefully that issue will be fixed before this goes to regular publication, otherwise it’s going to be a tough and tedious job trying to read this on a Kindle or an iPad mini or a smart phone!

The novel is set in Britain, so I felt right at home, but I have to say some of the writing was a little off here and there. Many sentences which ought to have ended in a question mark were missing one, and conversely, at least one which did not need a question mark had one. That aside, I loved the writing and the tone of voice. It was playful, amusing, inventive, and very engrossing. I loved the family dynamics. Anna and Kitty were completely adorable, even as they were being evil sometimes. OC was a delight in his simplicity as his friend Charles was in his scheming complexity.

Although Philip begins this novel at age four, nearly five, the story progresses quite rapidly after his unfortunate encounter of the wasp kind (the purpose of which was something of a mystery to me, since he obviously had some sort of issue going on before that). However, afterwards, we’re told that he's now a savant when it comes to chess, math, and science, and a poor student when it comes to English - particularly spelling. He also has a hard time remembering things and so he keeps notes to help himself. Very practical!

When he gets into his teens, he meets a new guy who moved in next door, Charles Andrew Sheridan Harris, or Cash for short. Cash is the same age as Phil, and despite being wheelchair-bound, he's hell-bent on a career in crime. He starts out small with shoplifting, but after he meets Phil, know known universally as OC, he migrates into business, charging other students for forging their homework, with Phil answering their math and science questions and Cash forging their handwriting with the answers - and with some wrong answers and crossings-out to make it look authentic. The two of them accumulate a small pile of money with these techniques.

When Cash learns that OC is an expert chess player, they move into tournament play for cash prizes. One of these involved bringing in Anna, who can pass for eighteen, and Kitty, who is an expert at handling OC if he has an episode. These episodes are triggered when his brain overloads, and she's masterful at bringing him down to Earth again. This is how they end-up in Birmingham pursuing another tournament and a little business opportunity on the side, envisaged by Cash.

I found this novel to be completely captivating despite being nowhere near the age it's aimed at. I don't know what it was exactly (other than really good writing, of course!), but it grabbed me from the off and it never let go. All of the characters were superbly well-drawn and entertaining. I loved the Longbotham family. Anna and Kitty were particularly entertaining. I can see them getting their own novel.

The story was fun, it moved at a decent clip, it delivered the goods, and it came up with a really neat ending. I recommend this novel.

Clerks (The Lost Scene) by Kevin Smith

Title: Clerks (The Lost Scene)
Author: Kevin Smith
Publisher: Oni Press
Rating: WORTHY!

Penciled by Phil Hester
Inked Ande Parks

For those familiar with Kevin Smith's movies, this will be standard boilerplate stuff. It's not really a lost scene - merely one they couldn't afford to pay for when they were making the movie Clerks, so it was cut from the script. I believe it was included in the animated series, which I've not seen. Now, using Kevin Smith's script and artwork by Hester and Parks, it lives, if only in static pictorial format.

If you're a huge fan of the movie, which I'm not (although I do think it worth watching), then you might enjoy this. Otherwise it probably won't be of much utility to you unless you're really into Smith and/or gross-out comics. It is funny, I admit!

The story is of Dante and Randal (the two clerks from Clerks, of course) going to Julie Dwyer's funeral, and an unfortunate incident with some mislaid car keys and an open casket. There's a three page intro featuring Jay and Silent Bob, followed by 17 pages of story and finally a one page outro, and that's it. The artwork is grey-scale, and it and the script are very average, but I do recommend it for fans.

Queen of Rogues by TT MacDangereuse

Title: Queen of Rogues
Author: TT MacDangereuse (no website found)
Publisher: Penguin
Rating: WORTHY!

Based on a Cartoon Network series, this is one of a pair of charming middle-grade books which were well-enough written that they entertained me, too, and I'm closer to middle-age than ever I am middle-grade! The other is The Untamed Scoundrel. These stories are only about 130 pages long, and pretty much double-spaced, so that makes them more like 70 pages - a very fast read. I got them both from the library, but I plan on buying these for my kids to read.

I have no idea in what order these were published, and from a purely reading PoV, it really doesn't matter since they're completely self-contained and not at all chronological, but I read this one second. I was less impressed with it than I was the first. Perhaps that was because I found the first to be a complete riot, whereas this seemed a bit darker by comparison, and rather less humorous.

It was, however, still greatly entertaining and just as wild and crazy in its own way, as was the first one I read, so I have no hesitation in recommending it. There's a new cast of characters here, although one of them has an apparent family relationship to a character in the other novel.

The story begins with Fionna, who has a fear - call it a phobia - of, well not so much the ocean, but the evil carnivores which live in it. Fionna is attending a party aboard a luxury yacht (pronounced, "Throat Wobbler Mangrove" - and if you get that reference, then you'll probably enjoy this novel) with a rented date.

The Ice Queen is also in attendance. She ends up issuing a boat-race challenge to the owner of the yacht - and then she cheats to win it, leaving Fionna and the yacht's owner, PG, and her morphing cat "Cake", stranded in a dinghy together - where they're promptly picked up by pirates - led by a vampire! Just your typical day in Adventure Time! Fionna becomes rather more closely acquainted with the ocean than ever she wanted to be, and finds creative uses for a jellyfish.

I recommend this if you like your middle-grade stories just the other side of crazy! You can read the first chapter of this on the Amazon website.

The Untamed Scoundrel by TT MacDangereuse

Title: The Untamed Scoundrel
Author: TT MacDangereuse (no website found)
Publisher: Penguin
Rating: WORTHY!

Based on a Cartoon Network series, this is one of a pair of charming middle-grade books which were well-enough written that they entertained me, too, and I'm closer to middle-age than ever I am middle-grade! The other is Queen of Rogues. These stories are only about 130 pages each, and pretty much double-spaced, so that makes them more like 70 pages - a very fast read. I got them both from the library, but I plan on buying these for my kids to read.

I have no idea in what order these were published, and from a purely reading PoV, it really doesn't matter since they're completely self-contained and not at all chronological, but I read this one first, for no particular reason. I was more impressed with it than I was the second. Perhaps that was because I found this one to be a complete riot, whereas the other seemed slightly darker by comparison, and rather less humorous.

This one features the Untamed Scoundrel, aka Sir Jacobus Gooddog, who actually is a dog, and who has a faithful hu-manservant known as Finnish Biped, and who is more like a partner in crime than ever he is a servant. The scoundrel's parents want him to quit womanizing and gadding about, and settle down, and they've organized a ball to which all the eligible ladies of the land are invited and who have been informed that Sir Jacobus will choose a bride at this ball.

The Scoundrel and Finn decide to turn the ball into an extreme fighting arena, the winner to be the one Sir Jacobus marries, but when everyone arrives, things start going badly for The Scoundrel (the food fight doesn't help), until he spots Lady Rainicorn (who is a unicorn with rainbow skin), and who is accompanied by a woman dressed all in black, whom Finn and Sir J identify as a witch.

Before the Scoundrel can work his whiles upon the rather shy Lady Rainicorn, she and the witch have left, and Sir J and Finn chase after them, stealing a boat from the harbor so they can sail to the island where the witch is quite obviously holding Lady R as a prisoner. It's far from plain sailing however, and a rather large surprise awaits them on the island - something even a magic haggis cannot resolve.

This story had me laughing from page one, and kept me laughing all the way to the end. It's a complete riot and so off-the-wall that it had to be moved outdoors for the action to continue. I highly recommend it.

You can read the first chapter on the Amazon website.

Mabel the Lovelorn Dwarf by Sherry Peters

Title: Mabel the Lovelorn Dwarf
Author: Sherry Peters
Publisher: Sherry Peters
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often reward aplenty!

This novel had such an absurd title that I couldn't resist it and I'm happy to report that resistance would have been futile anyway. This novel is adorable. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s perfect, but it is a real charmer that won me over very quickly. Plus, if you like it, then you'll be happy to know it’s the first of a series: the Ballad of Mabel Goldenaxe. I have to say I am not a huge fan of serial novels, but this one was good enough that I'm actually tempted to follow this series!

Mabel is the youngest of a small dwarf family - and no, that's not a tautology. The family is a bunch of dwarfs, and the family size is small: there's only a dozen or so of them. She's the only daughter and it's her first day in the mines. Her family is very supportive. Her father is distinctly over-bearing, but her brothers love her and give her all kinds of encouragement, even though she feels slightly under-dwarfed: she's rather on the slender side, not stout like your ideal dwarf, and her beard is only thin, but hey, she's very young - only 75 years, so there's plenty of time for her to become a real broad and hirsute herself.

Mabel has a knack for mining (she's a dwarf, after all), and on her first day she manages to instinctively find an emerald, which is quite a novelty. Most dwarfs find them, but not on their first day on the job. Naturally she heads to the bar to celebrate with her brothers and friends after the shift is over by downing a gallon or two of good ale. Everything seems perfect, doesn't it?

It’s not.

Mabel's mom, she's long been told, stole the family fortune and fled the mountain when Mabel was but a dwarfling, bringing down disgrace upon the family which they're only just now out-growing. Mabel's so-called best friend, whom she's known since childhood, is actually subtly - and then not-so-subtly - undermining Mabel every chance she gets. Her father seems to be growing ever more obsessed with finding Mabel a mate, and Mabel - bless her little plaited beard - is developing a growing interest in axe-throwing as a sport.

Naturally her father tries to stanch this un-dwarfish activity, but he can hardly hold her back since she's really good at it, and one of her brothers was a champion who supports her ambition to compete in the dwarf games. As if that's not bad enough, Mabel starts developing an interest in another un-dwarf-like activity: going to the movies. It’s bad enough she does that, but these movies have elves in them. Her father barely tolerates this, so how can Mabel possibly tell anyone that she's fallen in love with Aramis - the star of the elver screen?

This story is an adventure story, a mystery, a coming of age, a YA romance, and a bloody good piece of fiction. It’s funny, without being farcical or a parody. It’s moving to see how badly put-upon poor Mabel is, and how resilient she is. It’s inspiring to see how dedicated and loyal she is. And it’s amazing to see such a strong female character come out of what I originally thought was going to be a rather juvenile fantasy.

I'm one hundred percent behind this novel, which was a real pleasure to read.

The Reluctant Vampire by Eric Morecambe

Title: The Reluctant Vampire
Author: Written and illustrated by Eric Morecambe
Publisher: Harper Collins
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new novel is reward aplenty!

Eric Morecambe died in 1984 at the relatively youthful age of 58 - that's what a lifetime smoking habit will do to you. Paired with Ernie Wise, the twosome formed the most popular pair of entertainers in Britain in the 1970s. Their annual Xmas TV show was always brilliant and hilarious and had a huge following. It held very much the same place that the Doctor Who Xmas specials do now, although even Doctor Who doesn't pull in anywhere near as big an audience as Morecambe and Wise drew.

I got this book thinking it was a graphic novel, paying no attention to the author's name and not even realizing it was by the Eric Morecambe. When I saw the name on the cover, I thought it was maybe his son, or just someone who shared the name. Even wikipedia doesn't mention it, so I was really thrilled that I’d stumbled into a chance to read it.

The story is of a doctor who is called in to cure the son, Valentine, of the ruling vampire of Ketchem, or he will be completely liquidized and sent home in a children's beach bucket. The story has overtones of Mel Brooks's Young Frankenstein, as you'll note as soon as you meet Igon, the vampire's assistant, who has only one eye. It's also a bit reminiscent of Spike Milligan's writing. The way it’s written will work for grown-ups or for children.

The castle servant's name is Des O'Connor backwards. Des O'Connor is an English singer and comedian who has pretty much retired now (and earned it!), but who appeared on the Morecambe and Wise show many times. The story begins with the doctor being called to the castle to fix Valentine's attack of the 'vampire vapors', but after a lot of farce, the Doctor learns that Valentine isn’t actually a vampire! Mystery and intrigue - but it all turns out well in the end!

I loved this story because the humor was completely off-the-wall, yet the story still hung together comfortably. There was a plot, and a beginning, a middle, and an end. I laughed a lot and enjoyed reading it. The fact that this story has to be at the very least thirty years old isn't apparent from the writing. It could have been written yesterday. I recommend it, and if you like it, there's a sequel: The Vampire's Revenge.

I Need a New Butt by Dawn McMillan

Title: I Need a New Butt
Author: Dawn McMillan
Publisher: Dover Publications
Rating: WORTHY!

Warmly illustrated by Ross Kinnaird, who is evidently really behind with his artwork....

I know, it's really sad, but I was so entertained by this, and no buts....

I mean how can you not like the idea? I could hardly believe it was written by a woman, but then why the hell not? She obviously knows on which side her bread is butt-ered, and a woman can be a gluteus for punishment just like a man.... I was honestly quite impressed by her creativity, and I don't think she's bottomed-out yet, so I'd love to read something by her which is written with a more mature (but equally playful) aspect, to which she will no doubt respond tush-hey! I'm sure that Dawn McMillan isn't one to sit-upon her laurels....

The story line is hilarious to begin with, yet it keeps on backing out new ideas each one as rib-tickling (or as warped) as the last. Ross Kinnaird's drawings are in a class of their own - they'll never be confused with great works of art, but he obviously got all the poop on this project because he's captured the story perfectly. Some of the pictures all-butt had me set back on my haunches with tears running down my er, cheeks. But maybe that's just me.

The whole idea was as hilarious as it was preposterous, so I confess I did come into this already already biased towards the writer and artist, and they did not let me down, either one of them. Of course, I'm way to old for this kind of a book, but that didn't prevent me from maximizing my enjoyment and having some fun with it.

Admittedly this advice is all a posteriori, but I recommend this for a bit of guilty fun. Strike that: for a lot of guilty fun! There! I said it! Butt Out!