"After several young women jump to their deaths in Bristol, Honor is desperate to determine the grim cause" and finds it's easily fixed by putting appropriate safety measures in place. Yawn.
Monday, September 6, 2021
The Listening Eye by Patricia Wentworth
"After a deaf woman lip-reads a conversation about a dangerous robbery, Miss Maud Silver must stop the crime - and save the woman's life." Why? Were the police taking the day off? Yawn. Wentworth is a pretty cool name for an author, so I wanted better than this.
Storm Clouds by Steven Becker
"John and Mako Storm are more than just father and son" Of course they are! But Mako? Really? "they're skilled secret agents." Of course they are. But how secret are they really, if this book is about them? LOL! This is yet another dumbass novel that's part of a series each of which uses the main character's name in a hard-bitten two-word title. Barf. This genre is so overdone that it's baked into bricks you could build a house with. "And when a pharaoh's legendary tomb is located after centuries shrouded in secrecy," How is that possible with Google Earth? Yet another gung-ho example of some author thinking it's a brilliant idea to have the USA policing the world and crashing uninvited into a Middle East nation, laying down the law, telling the Egyptians what to do with their own nation. Way to go!
Dark Rising by Greig Beck
Anything with 'rising' in the title should be your warning that you need to move on to the next book on your list and skip this one. "As Captain Alex Hunter" Hunter? seriously? "and his crew set out to find the source of a massive amount of radiation in the Iranian desert, they find themselves caught in the center of an ancient prophecy - and they must race to stop a catastrophic event." Yawn. Yet another gung-ho example of some author thinking it's a brilliant idea to have the USA policing the world and crashing uninvited into a Middle East nation, particularly one that detests the USA, and laying down the law. Way to go! And which desert? There are two, the Kavir, and the Lut. Clearly this story needs a lot of rewrites.
Ballistic by Mark Greaney
"Ex-CIA assassin Court Gentry" Court Gentry? Are you serious with that? What kind of fucked-up name is that shit anyway?! I'm already laughing too hard to even consider buying this trash. But he "fights for justice and survival after stumbling into a war between rival criminal factions." Why? Why is it a problem for him? He's ex-CIA. Can't he just disappear? LOL! This is just another cheap excuse for a guy to write shit about some dude slaughtering a whole bunch of other dudes. End of story. Yawn.
Lost Creed by Alex Kava
"Sixteen years ago, Ryder's sister vanished. When new information emerges about her disappearance, Ryder and his K9 team will stop at nothing to uncover the truth." So they do literally nothing and all is magically revealed! LOL! So let's consider this seriously: for almost two decades, Ryder literally did nothing to solve his sister's disappearance, and now suddenly he'll stop at nothing? Nothing surprises me anymore. My experience of Kava is that of a plodding writer who simply cannot get to the point no matter how many pages she fills. Yawn.
Mountains Trilogy by Phoebe Alexander
"They're as different as two people can be," Are they really?! "but the chemistry between college professor Sarah Lynde and Army officer James McAllister is too hot to handle" and nevertheless it gets safely slapped between the staid gray covers of a book. Yawn.
The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman
The fact that Kirkus wrote: "top-class cozy infused with dry wit and charming characters" is more than enough to turn me off this. The title doesnlt help. I do have an idea though: why not combine this with Jasper Fforde's 'Thursday Next' series, kill off that Thursday and everyone will be happy?
Savannah Breeze by Mary Kay Andrews
You see that title right there is a hard no to begin with. Anything with 'Savannah', 'Southern', or 'Magnolia' on the cover is highly suspect. "Conned out of everything she owns, BeBe devises a plan to get payback with the help of her motley crew of friends." Again - 'motley crew'? No. That's right up there with 'quirky' as a no-no for reading. Who are Bebe's friends? TuBe O'Not2B? Be Orland-Endall? BeBeCe? Yawn.
Casket Girls by Seth Pevey
"As members of the French Quarter's unhoused population begin disappearing, private eye Felix, his girlfriend, Tina, and retired police officer David set out to discover what's happening - and the sinister truth behind the murders will shake the city of New Orleans to its core" Really? is that really likely? And the NOPD are not investigating this because...? Yawn.
The Expected One by Kathleen McGowan
"This New York Times bestseller" that's now inexplicably being offered at a knock-down price in a book flyer?! "follows journalist Maureen as her curiosity and visions lead her to a shocking discovery buried in Europe: the Gospel of Mary Magdalene." Can anyone say Da Vinci Code rip-off? There was no Mary Magdalene so how could she have a gospel? Most Hebrew men and women back then were illiterate anyway! And it's in Europe rather than Israel why, exactly? Yawn.
Wet by Ashley Bostock
"Ryan has spent months resisting his overwhelming attraction to Miranda after sharing a kiss in a dark hallway" Why? Why did he spend months resisting it? For what purpose? Did he find out when he finally saw her in the light that she hated how she looked?! Another dumb-ass so-called erotic story. Barf.
The Goodnight Kiss by Gwen Rivers
"Nic Rutherford has the power to track down predators and kill them with a kiss. Determined to bring her dead best friend back to life, she embarks on a journey that leads her to the perilous Fae realm" A woman named after a Network Interface Card kissed predators? Yuk! Yuk-Yuk! This is ridiculous.
Saturday, September 4, 2021
Sowing Malice by Wendy Tyson
"When town newcomers wind up missing and murdered, lawyer turned farmer Megan Sawyer must discover the secrets of a wealthy family and weed out the berried truth" A lawyer named Sawyer! No wonder she's a farmer because she has to find the 'berried' truth! When a truth turns into berries, only a farmer can find it. Now if the truth had been buried, then maybe a miner would be required, provided they were previously an attorney named McBurney....
Letters from Atlantis by Robert Silverberg
"After finally reaching the legendary city of Atlantis, time traveler Roy Colton finds that he has the ability to enter the mind of an Atlantean prince." Of course he does! No wonder Quirkus Reviews found this a "must-listen" and they were not using that in the sense of 'musty, trust me. barf.
Meant to Be by Lauren Morrill
"Fans of David Levithan will love this" - you know if you have to compare an author to somebody else, you've already lost, and on top of that you've insulted your readers. Booklist should stick to listing books. "On a school-sponsored spring break trip to London, studious Julia is partnered with her personal nemesis, Jason." Of course she is because this is yet another YA cookie-cutter clone cliche of a story that offers not a shred of originality, and features a dumbass main female charcter talking in first person. Don't try to deny it. You know it does. Es la Ley!
And founding fathers forbid that we should just tell a story about two English kids in London. Nobody wants to hear that; also, in the US, it's illegal for an author to have no US-native-born citizens in the story, even if the story has nothing whatsoever to do with the USA. You think this is crazy? Have you not seen what's been happening in Texas lately? We're long past crazy. Crazy was that ill-marked left turn a few miles back. No, we're way beyond that. We're into plaid now - the Plaid of Allegiance. Even if you write a story about the world before the USA existed, you still have to have a USA natural-born citizen in it.
And guess what? If you try to tell a story without a US person in it, the Taliban will take over. It's a fact. It happened in Afghanistan. You know it did: as soon as there were no US-type people left there, what happened? You got it! It's called 'us' for a reason. So this is why we absolutely cannot have just any two kids in London. No! That's illegal; they have to be native-borns or you're a traitor.
"But as the two race to solve a quirky mystery, they learn how much they have in common." Of course they do. You see it's the 'quirky' that got me. I'm sorry, but I'm allergic to 'quirky' in a book blurb. I fonly they'd put 'qwerty', I would ahve bene fine, but now I'm tearing up and sneezing, Gotta go....
History Decoded by Brad Meltzer, Keith Ferrell
"It took two people to come up with this horseshit? "From the Roman Spear of Destiny to Area 51...." Stop right there. Go fuck yourselves you stupid, delusional clowns. Get a fucking life.
Murder at an Irish Bookshop by Carlene O'Connor
Check this out! It's got murder, Irish, and a bookshop in it! That's got to be a trifecta that's close to perfection doesn't it? "When the body of a controversial writer is found within the stacks of her local bookstore, Siobhán will need to take a page out of her favorite mystery novel to solve the case" Why? Are the local cops fuck-ups? I do love the green-painted bookstore with shamrocks hanging down. How charmingly original! One question: could you be any more fucking condescending? Where's the leprechaun? The author hails from Chicago BTW, not Poblacht na hÉireann.
An American Outlaw by John Stonehouse
First in a series" You betcha! God forbid we have any standalone novels when you can trap people into a money-making boring series. "Army vet Gil returns home determined to stay true to his fellow servicemen - a promise that lands him smack in the middle of an ill-fated bank heist." Well, he's an American outlaw! Fuck outlaws from any other place, This motherfucker is American! Can't do wrong! Excuse me, I have an urgent appointment to go piss myself laughing. What is it with thsi insecurity that forces people to slap an American label on everything?
Archangel Down by C Gockel
"First in a series" Of course it is - but anything like this, with 'down' built into the title is a guaranteed bad choice. "On a distant planet in the 25th century," Um, every planet is distant, dipshit. "...military officer Noa Sato has been imprisoned for a crime she didn't commit." Let me guess, some white dude is going to rescue her? "Her only hope of clearing her name lies in the hands of James Sinclair, a scholar from Earth" Yup! Because god forbid any woman should be left to her own devices and not have some guy to control and validate her. Barf.
Anchored Hearts by Priscilla Oliveras
That title, right there, should be plenty to warn a reader off this one. "Anamaría's world is turned upside down when Alejandro, her first love who broke her heart, returns home to Key West, Florida - and her attraction to him proves inescapable. Because god forbid she should have moved on. It's better for her to be enslaved by this guy. You know I'm right. Priscilla Oliveras clearly understands that women want to be owned, to be toys, to be property, to be playthings, to be objects which are paused and on hold except when the alpha male is around.
A Summer Reunion by Fanny Blake
"Four childhood friends reunite at an elegant villa in Mallorca" because we can never have enough books about three or four childhood friends reuniting at some holiday resort. Barf. Good god how can there be so few original stories out there with so many authors publishing these days?! Or is that precisely the problem?
Civil War 101 by Peter S Carmichael
"March alongside infantry soldiers at Gettysburg in this audio course from a leading historian and professor!" because if there's one thing this world is absolutely screaming for, it's yet another in an endless line of tedious books about the US civil war. Get over it already!
Invisible City by Julia Dahl
"When fledgling reporter Rebekah Roberts moves to New York City, her investigation into the murder of a Hasidic woman" Can you say "A Stranger Among Us" rip off? Or are my comments too Hasid?
Hidden Path by Melissa F Miller
"After arriving at a remote Buddhist monastery for a silent retreat, forensic pathology consultant Dr Bodhi King is shocked to discover a dead body hidden in the surrounding cornfields. But when Bodhi stumbles across the murder weapons concealed deep within the monastery, he'll need to rely on his expertise to crack the gruesome case." Why? Are the local police utterly worthless? And Bodhi? Really? What's his first name? Dead? Cheyenne? How the hell is any investigation going to be conducted in a silent monastery? By sign language? By written responses? Thanks, but no thanks! They should make a musical movie of this - one where the monastery forbids speaking, but not singing.
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