Monday, November 11, 2013

Fortune's Pawn by Rachel Bach aka Aaron





Title: Fortune's Pawn
Author: Rachel Bach aka Aaron
Publisher: Orbit Books
Rating: WARTY!


DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration of any kind for this review.

There's evidently a sequel to this novel due out next year, titled Honor's Knight. I don’t know if the author has heard of David Weber or not, but this particular choice of title has serious dumbfoundation potential! Note also that there's a fortune's pawn website, but it has nothing to do with this novel afaik.

The plot driver here is that a female protagonist with the highly unlikely (and unlikeable - I didn't like it, anyway) name of Deviana Morris wants to join the "Devastators", an upscale 'armor unit' on Paradox, which is her home world, and which is ruled by a monarch! They only recruit people who are past their prime for this unit, for reasons unknown, which is Deviana's main problem. I don’t get the monarchy thing. How did that happen? Did the first guy to arrive on Paradox declare himself king? Or did the populace elect one at some point?! If so, why? And why is Deviana so blindly loyal to this king? No explanations are offered.

You know, the more I think about this, the more I can see parallels between this novel and David Weber's space opera about Honor Harrington, the first volume of which I reviewed recently. They are both not from the main planet (Harrington not from Manticore, Deviana not from Earth). In both stories Earth is a republic, and the local planet a monarchy. They're both sword-fighters of some note. They're both insanely gifted and never wrong, etc., etc. I've seen Deviana described as a cross between Ellen Ripley of the Alien film series, and Kara Thrace of the Battlestar Galactica miniseries, but Deviana is no Ellen Ripley, not even close. Thrace, maybe, but then I never liked Thrace! I find a better comparison is with Molly Millions in Neuromancer, but Deviana is nowhere near as cool, competent, or as intriguing as she was, and either Ellen or Molly would kick Deviana's ass in a straight fight!

Anyway, in order to get there (the king's horses and men) from here, she has to quit the military and sign-up for a year on a trashy spacecraft named Glorious Fool, which is supposedly so rough that her duty there counts extra and will get her noticed for the aging, non-republican guard (she hopes). Can anyone smell 'series' in the air with Deviana not ever leaving Glorious Fool? Either that or she succeeds beyond her wildest hopes and then we get a GI Jane or a Private Benjamin in space when she joins the so-called devastators. Neither is appealing to me after reading this overture. I was hoping, when I read of there being a "Devi" in this novel, that I was going to be reading a story featuring an Indian protagonist. I still have no real take on her ethnicity, but it appears not to be Indian; with the name, she's more likely to hail from central Virginia!

I have to say I have no respect for writers who publish under different names. I don't know why they do it, nor do I care. It confuses things and makes life harder than it needs to be. I know it's their choice, but I sure don't have to respect it. However, Rachel Aaron was kind enough to comment on this (yes! that's how important I am now!), so I include her comment here, unabridged:

Hello Ian, I hate to butt in, but I felt the need to point out that the name change was my publisher's idea, and not mine. Indeed, most authors who change their names do so at the behest of their publisher for a whole myriad of different reasons, mostly having to do with sales. That said, I hope you won't hold the name change against me or the work. It really not delusions of grandeur, I swear!

Don't let them thar publishers be hesting you, y'all! And no, you're not butting in; you're most welcome to comment. This is a review of the novel, not of the author, although I admit that writing is such a personal thing that it's hard to distinguish between the two at times. I have to say though this merely reinforces what I've said elsewhere about self-publishing. I know there are some substantial advantages for those few who are allowed to travel the hallowed traditional route, but there are also costs as Rachel found out (yes, we're on first name terms now! Eeek. Yes we are - go read the quote above! That was a pretty slick trick by Rachel, because now I have to be nice!).

Unfortunately, I still haven't done quibbling, so here goes. Anyone who has read much of this blog can be in no doubt about my lack of respect for prologues!! Fortunately, Rachel spares us that. She does not, however, spare us first person PoV, which I really do not like, but which I will grudgingly put up with if the story is good enough. All that, plus my having just got through a couple of crappy ebooks, means that Rachel has it all stacked against her here, and she didn't do too well either.

In very broad and general terms, I found myself liking this story (it's amusing me, if nothing else!), but I do have a gaggle of gripes to get out of my system, so let’s address that now. Fortune's Pawn (I want to write a novel now and title it 'Fortune Spawn' just to make it really weird when people try to buy my novel or Rachel's! Yes, I'm evil that way! Then I can have a series: Fortune Prawn, Fortune Dawn, Fortune Morn, Fortune Lawn...you get the idea.)...now where was I? Oh yes, Fortune's Pawn is un-fortune-ately spawning more than its fair share of cliché and anachronism, it would seem. Despite this story taking place a thousand years into our future, Deviana takes a cab to the docks. A millennium from now we’re still hailing cabs and they still have crazy drivers? No one flagged down a cab a thousand years ago; why would we expect to be traveling in them a thousand years hence? I'm just asking!

But this is a problem with removing your novel some distance in time from our comfort zone (and I launch into this advisedly, for I have some things to say about this novel and space and time shortly!). Geoffrey Chaucer could have, in no way or flight of fancy ever have envisioned a cell phone, the Internet, a microwave oven, or a taxi cab sporting an infernal combustion engine and he's the better part of a thousand years aft of us! So how are we, as writers, to talk about life a thousand years from now and hope to make it sound both plausible and different?

Well, you pays your money (or your Republican Credits) and you takes your chance, I guess; then we as readers have to decide if we can stand to read it! But I would advise trying for something much further out there than we get in this novel if you're going to push for a thousand years hence! Something like Greg Bear delivers in The Way trilogy would do. If you're going to write like it takes place today (as this one does), but with a few techno-perks to leaven it, then it would seem far wiser not to push it so far into the future! Why she chose to go that route, I don't know. Hey, we're on first name terms, not on sharing your little secrets terms! Not yet anyway! But if she's smart, Rachel will make me a beta reader for her next volume in this series, and in return, I'll give her a better novel!

All the traditional sci-fi terminology is employed here, and in some ways that's a reassuring thing, I think, to big fans of the genre, but to me it really isn't. As character CJ declared in The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin a cliché to me is like a red rag to a bull. But then bulls are red-green color blind, so we all know how useless that cliché is! But it bothers me that Earth isn’t called Earth (it's Terra), and people from Earth are 'Terrans'. That kind of thing makes me gag, and not in a good way, because it's never happened. In four billion years, no one outside of sci-fi has ever called planet Earth 'Terra' Okay, the Romans, but what have they ever done for us?! Actually the Romans used the word 'mundus' for the world, and terra for 'land', and even they never called its human population 'Terrans'!

Rachel has huge 'space trawlers' flying around, but my immediate question on reading that was "What do they trawl for in the vacuum of space?" If they're not literally trawling for anything, why call them trawlers instead of, say, freighters or something else? Maybe they trawl for lelgis? More anon on that slippery topic. And don’t even get me started on the utter absurdity of interstellar trading. I addressed this in my review of On Basilisk Station. I was unimpressed by these features of this novel (including the fact that they still use 2-D bar-codes a thousand years from now!). It’s also disturbing to learn that we're reduced to still using ice packs to treat a black-eye a thousand years from now, and evidently, there's no aspirin! I'm wondering why Deviana's enormously expensive gruntware can’t take care of minor injuries, and why it almost kills her when it chooses to take care of her more serious injuries!

There was another weird bit about mining asteroids. Mining for what? We're not told! And they're doing it in dangerous proximity to hostile alien territory, too. I don't get the why: why humans are doing the mining, and not robots (more on robots anon)? Rachel does admit to androids being in use, but none appeared in the first half of this novel. So, back to the asteroids: these things only appear in a solar system, so I don't get this trip to a location which is apparently out in the middle of interstellar space! Unlike in Star Wars and other such space operas, asteroid fields don't just appear out of nowhere. They're formed where planets are also formed, so why not mine them locally in the Paradox system or in Earth's solar system? Or if they must have these asteroids, why aren't they bringing the them into a high planetary orbit and mining there? There was already, in 2012, a movement to do precisely this!

Now to stage an unprovoked assault on the main character! Deviana is 27 and she's inevitably the best at what she does, of course, because, "Hello! This is the hero!". I am wondering if I've had a whiff of Kris Longknife here or perhaps more accurately, Kylara Vatta, as well as Honor Harrington? After finishing this novel I have to say that I found all three of those characters much more appealing than Deviana Morris.

This part was interesting to me, because why she wants that end goal so badly is neither explained nor justified as far as I can see. In the absence of a motive, I can only put it down to juvenile machismo. But what I really don't see here is a justification for an army to begin with, and I can see even less justification for a monarch to have his own private elite army. Just who, exactly, are these troops fighting? Not space baddies, that's for sure, because there's unabated piracy galore going on. And what do the 'Devastators" devastate, precisely? What is the nature of the threat to the king from which this unit offers such skilled protection? Paradox is not a planet of diverse political complexion. There are no individual nations at war. It's about as homogeneous as it can get from what I've read so far, so why the military? What does it do and how effective is it across thousands of light years of empty space?

Deviana succeeds in getting hired on as one half of ship security in about five minutes, and is told by the captain to report to Basil. Despite being explicitly told that "He's my second and you'll obey him…", Deviana is evidently not very smart because as soon as she meets Basil, who is an alien (of a rather avian race known as aeons) she tries to determine what gender he is! Which part of 'he' and 'him' did you not get Deviana?! Oh, and there's also a humanoid, intelligent, predatory reptile, lest I forget the ship's doctor. In fact, there are four 'races' so far known in the universe: humans, aeons, xith'cal, and lelgis. I was forced to surmise, since we've had mammal, reptile, and bird, that the latter must either be fish or amphibian, but it turned out to be jellyfish, which is neither! Shows what I know!

On a related note, I wish the sci-fi community would do a better job of dealing with the fact of evolution. This 'bird', for example, is the navigator, yet has wings, of course - nary a hand or fingers in sight. How does that work exactly? Some birds on Earth, most notably the Corvidae (such as Ravens for example), and the Psittacidae (such as African Grey parrots, for example), have shown themselves to be exceptionally smart, but despite this, the human lineage is the only one in some four billion years of evolution on Earth which has produced our level of achievement and intelligence (for what that's worth! Ahem!).

Organisms don’t plan to evolve. There is no 'goal'. There is no scheme, or design, or path of 'progression' All that evolution is, bottom line, is a sieve, which blindly "selects" those organisms which are best equipped to survive in a given set of circumstances. Everything else pretty much becomes extinct. If an organism is doing great in its niche, there's no pressure or 'desire' to change. There is always potential to change, but that doesn't mean it will be tapped. Every organism alive on Earth right now is just as 'advanced' - just as 'evolved' - as we humans are. They're not any more evolved for our niche than we are for theirs is all. They are more or less adequately evolved for their own niche.

Birds are specialized for a certain set of circumstances, and they've exploited that admirably (though not consciously). But they did not evolve to manipulate things with hands, as we did, and so they have no good aptitude for that kind of thing, although some of them try as best they can with what they do have, bless their little beaky schnozzes. So where was the impetus for the aeons to evolve a large brain and space travel if they had everything they needed in their own world, just as birds do in ours? Yes, I know that's precisely what we did, but we're far less specialized than birds are and far less tightly constrained by our evolution than they. But birds do not consciously navigate their way around the planet. They do not set out aboard ships and boats as sea-faring humans have done since they could. They do not plan and undertake exploratory trips for the hell of it. So why would organisms which have evolved for flight on a given planet be any better at navigation in space than humans or any other advanced species? To suggest that they are makes no sense.

The mammals took some seventy million years of evolution to produce humans, the only advanced intelligence ever to create a civilization (on this planet) as we have done. The dinosaurs had a quarter billion years and all they produced was those smart birds at the very end of it, so while not wanting to sound arrogant or prideful of what we are or where we came from, I don’t buy this uninventive and biologically insupportable sci-fi trope of simply taking a non-mammalian Earth species and pretending it’s a smart alien species without putting any thought whatsoever into how it came to be what it is. As if that wasn't bad enough alone, the specific aeon on this space-craft is racist (species-ist? class-ist?) enough to refer to Deviana as a "monkey". That kind of reference has definitely been wa-ay overused in fiction. OTOH, maybe it tells us something important about the kind of person Basil is!

About one third the way in, I decided that the more I read about Deviana the less I like her, not least for the fact that she's a psychotic killer barely keeping her blood-lust under wraps. And she's supposed to be some sort of hero to me? After a scene where she gets so prideful about her armor and skills that it’s almost sickening (especially when narrated in the first person, which is why I detest first person PoV) she then proceeds to get drunk as a skunk and almost literally throw herself at the ship's cook, the very one who's deliberately getting her drunk in the first place. I cannot credit either of these people with anything worthy.

The cook is not someone I would trust when he almost literally pours a bottle of whisky down Deviana's throat for no apparent reason other than to get her falling-down drunk. He doesn't take advantage of her even though she begs him too, but I didn't trust this guy at all (and amazingly, it turned out I was right not to do so!). The fact that Deviana is pretty much lying down with her legs open for him (figuratively speaking) at this point does nothing for me, but it goes a long way towards authenticating the disparaging slur which her security partner, Cotter, threw at her when they first met.

Deviana seems to me to be completely out of character in drinking so much that it’s physically harmful on the one hand, and then on the other to paradoxically pride herself in her training, her fitness, and her skills. She does hail from a planet called Paradox, and she's the kind of idiot who would use armor piercing ammunition and fire it from a gun on the bridge of a spaceship, so…. But these two Devianas do not connect at all for me. I would not trust her, nor would I want anything to do with a security guard with anger management issues, who's a "functional" alcoholic, and looking at serious health problems coming her way in the not-too-distant future, if she doesn’t have any already. That scene was neither cute nor appealing to me. It’s not smart. It’s not funny. It’s not attractive. It's not even interesting. And it sure as hell isn't remotely romantic!

Deviana knows nothing about this guy, yet she's desperate to get him into bed, and she's not even ovulating! I know this because she never does; apparently women a thousand years from now can get that turned off, since it's never mentioned in the entire novel...about a women...who's on-board a spaceship with several other women. That aside, Deviana's behavior merely makes her very shallow in my eyes, but what I really don’t get here is why a female author would create a leading character who is modeled so embarrassingly closely on the worst stereotypical aspects of a man? Such a character has nothing to offer me. If I wanted to read about a macho man I wouldn’t be reading this! Not that I find novels about macho men any more appealing than those about women who are way too much andro and not enough gynous.

Anyone who has followed this blog will know I have no problem with tough, feisty, hard-playing female characters, but those characters were treated respectfully by their authors, so I guess my real problem here is what is motivating Rachel to treat her best bet so shabbily - and for such poor reasons! It’s not like Deviana is an older woman, with a sad back-story (or a bad sack story - it’s not like she went through an awful relationship - not that we’ve been told anyway).

It’s not like she has some tragedy in her past which might explain her behavior now. On the contrary, she has a great guy who would do anything for her and she won't give him the time of lay unless it's on her own terms. She just uses him, so there is no love triangle there (although there is a love triangle - more anon!) But I just don't get making Deviana extra- super- ultra-tough, and then playing her like the most pathetic YA love-lorn teen imaginable in the so-called romance department. These two traits are painted so incompatibly that the jagged mis-join is like a bas-relief on every page.

It's like Rachel simply set out to make her main character in this series a man in the body of a woman, and that doesn’t work for me at all. I read novels about female characters because I'm interested in female characters, especially ones who are making their mark in their world one way or another. If I wanted to read about a transsexual, I’d get a novel about a transsexual! If I wanted to read about a man thinly disguised as a woman, I'd, er read this, I guess! But the truth is that I started this novel because I wanted to read about a woman, not about a woman who evidently wishes that she were the worst example of obnoxious male behavior she can be!

She has too many oddball quirks, too (aside from her berserker penchant) to be likable. She claims she buys only the best, but then panics when she sees someone drop her weapons onto a soft surface in case they get damaged! Huh? The weapons aren't tough after all? In another scene, she's seriously considering whether her best move is to run away - and no, she's not threatened or under fire at the time, she's merely behaving like a juvenile. I can't match that up with her vaunted skill and bravery as a soldier, but it does match her airhead teen behavior with Ruprecht. Maybe she's not a human, but a spineless lelgis?

But my biggest problem with Deviana, I think, after thinking some thoughtful thoughts, is that we never actually meet her. She's buried underneath her armor, she's hidden behind her boys with toys obsession-with/addiction-to weapons technology. She's shamed by this limp portrayal of her juvenile obsession with Ruprecht, and this means we never really find out anything about her at all. We get only the superficial, no depth allowed. That's really sad, because it means that once again, I'm finding supporting characters (in this case, Nova and Ren) far more interesting than the main one!

While we're on the topic of shallow, I notice that Fortune's pawn is yet another space opera without any robots. The problem of course, when robots are added to the recipe, is that writers seem to think that they can come only in three varieties: angst-ridden AIs, smart-ass side-kicks, or bloodless villains. Seriously? Can we not just have them as a part of life and be done with it? They’re part of life now; why would that change to the point where they’re effectively non-existent a millennium from now?

Having said that, I immediately saw that I was wrong about the robots! There are two robots here, and one of them is called Deviana Morris. I mean what else would she be, cocooned as she is in her automatic suit, which works even without her conscious control? So I have to ask why we would admire any of her skills as a soldier when her AI suit and her automated weapons really do all the work? Which brings me back to the love triangle. Deviana's love triangle is between her, Rupert the cook, and her armor and weapons. I hope the armor/weapons wins, because Ruprecht is even more sickening than they are.

Having said all that, and despite all that, the story still intrigued me and I finished it if only because I was curious to see what this bizarre recipe produced when it was cooked at 3 degrees Kelvin for a month and came out of the oven with frost subliming from it, but Rachel is making it much harder for me to like this novel than ever she ought! At one point, for example, she has Deviana loaning a weapon to the ship's cook when they're under attack from those space-faring ravenous predatory lizards (can you say 'Aliens'?!), and she expects him to break an arm using it, but doesn't warn him. He doesn't break an arm, so then she's all intrigued by the fact that he's not a complete dumb-ass and knows how to hold his arm so it's neither rigid nor lax and thereby protect himself! I have a hint for Deviana: look up Aikido some time when you're not strutting, preening, brooding, or nesting!

Deviana's weapons are problematical, too, as long as we’re talking advanced technology. She has a light saber of all things (and there's 'the force', but it's called 'plasmex' here)! This macho gun I mentioned, which she calls Sasha, supposedly has a kick like a mule. Other than pure machismo, why? I don’t mind having any given thing in a story if there's some rationale behind it, but to stuff things into the novel like it's an Xmas stocking for a spoiled, rich kid and offer nothing to support the inclusion is not going to make me a fan, especially when the corollary to this crude weapon design is the open admission that humans are technologically just as backward and limited a thousand years from now, as they are here and now!

So let's talk about time-travel, and space-time, and hyperspace jumps, because this is where the novel got more interesting for me (but unfortunately, it was never pursued!). Rachel made mention of the fact - and intriguingly it was just a mention - that a computer figures out the jump-math because otherwise, the ship might come out of hyperspace in the wrong place, or at the wrong time.... She also mentions that time can flow only forwards, which isn't actually true - not according to the laws of physics, but I'm thinking, why hasn't anyone is the world of this novel taken advantage of this? Why do they have to arrive at a "realistic" time? And why 7 hours in "hyperspace"? This is yet more info which is dumped, then neither pursued nor explained.

So when they deliver a load of fish to a pissant planet which seems to have more than its fair share of what Rachel calls earthquakes, but which are not on Earth, so are actually Mycantquakes, things started getting weird, I really perked up for the first time since I started reading this novel. Now why they're delivering dead fish at massive expense to an impoverished planet which cannot fail to have its own fish galore, for as wet as it is, is a question which has absolutely no sensible answer whatsoever. If they were delivering live fish for stocking the local waters, it would have potentially made a lot more sense, but they're not.

It's on their arrival here that they start noticing things going wrong with clocks, including Deviana's suit clock, which never goes wrong. After the captain goes off and then fails to return as arranged, Deviana takes off after him and runs into an attack from something both very powerful, and invisible to her suit's sensors! Now I was getting the story I'd been hoping for from the start, and I was hoping it would be worth the extraordinarily long wait! But it wasn't, because we got cheated out of any explanations for anything!

After battling the invisible giant shrimp in the forest clearing (which may or may not be tied in with the jellyfish lelgis), Deviana discovers that the electronic interference fried her video recording. She has back-up, but first let me ask you to recall that this is a thousand years into the future, and even here in lowly 2013 we can already record gigabytes of data onto a tiny USB drive; then consider that Rachel tells us the chip is too small to record voice data even though it has video. Ahem! But Deviana does learn of some weird stuff which took place whilst she was unconscious, and this is where the story started catching my interest - and where I stop putting out any more spoilers.

I think I've wa-ay overdone it for this novel. I don't usually go into so much detail about the Net Galley ebooks I get because I don't want to rob the writer of their story, but I haven't done such a deep look into a novel since I blogged David Weber's On Basilisk Station so I'm about due for another one. I may as well treat Rachel to it since she has shown a personal interest in my blog! (and how did she know I was blogging her novel?! Hmm!). Plus she has the sequel coming out soon, so it's not like this is a brand new novel.

I was just really disappointed that it took me reading some fifty percent of this novel before it turned up something that I really liked. Rachel is lucky I've been so tolerant of her peccadilloes, because normally I wouldn't get this far into a novel where I'd found so much to bitch about! She did have the courtesy to visit the blog, and I did say I would have to be nice - and I have tried! The rest of this review will be more vague and general with no more detailed peaks, so be warned!

It was encouraging in chapter eleven to learn that Rachel, unlike all-too-many sci-fi writers, is smart enough to know that a virus which has evolved to prey upon certain species on one planet is unlikely to be a threat to organisms from an entirely different planet, but let's not forget that biochemistry is still chemistry and that chemistry is universal, so I wouldn't flatly rule it out, as Rachel does. But kudos to her there. Having said that, let me put out a general alert to writers that the phrase is "another think coming" not "another thing coming" when we're writing sentences like: "if that's what [person X] thinks, then they have..."!

And what's with John Benton questioning Deviana and using five different pet phrases for her: 'dear', 'darling', 'Deviana', 'girl', and 'Miss Morris' all in the space of a handful of pages? This completely took my mind away from the exchange they were having to focus it entirely on how bad the dialog was! If Rachel was aiming to make me dislike Benton from his rambling speeches, she failed, as indeed she did if she were trying to emulate a Bond villain. I found I liked and trusted Benton far more than ever I've been able to like or trust Ruprecht or the murderous captain. I doubt that's what Rachel intended I should feel. Benton was certainly more honest with her than either of the other two guys have been, yet Dumb Devi spurns his offer and remains loyal to a captain who has repeatedly put her at risk, kept her in the dark about potential threats, and would have had her killed if he'd had his way. She's a mercenary for god's sakes, but instead of behaving like one, she behaves like an idiot.

I am now done with this, and having read every page (except the sickening pages where Ruprecht and Deviana suck (face) which I skipped happily, I have to report that I'm really disappointed. It turns out that Fortune's Pawn is really nothing more than a ~370 page prologue for an oncoming series, and as you know if you read this blog, I detest prologues. Actually if truth be told, I'm more saddened than disappointed, because this novel had some good and engaging ideas at its core, but the execution of those ideas was, well the death of them, as executions typically are!

One of the biggest problems is that quite literally nothing is resolved in this story (except that we get rid of the sad YA trope romance between Deviana and Ruprecht, but you and I know perfectly well that that is only temporary, and it's unfortunately only going to come roaring back in volume two. I will not come roaring back for volume two, because I have no intention of pursuing this series in search of answers, at least some of which we should have been given in volume one! I have no interest in reading any more about a character I neither like nor respect.


Sunday, November 10, 2013

Etiquette & Espionage by Gail Carriger


Title: Etiquette & Espionage
Author: Gail Carriger
Publisher: Hachette
Rating: WORTHY!


DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review.

I read this novel some time ago and was quite thrilled with the opportunity to read it in ebook form. The ebook version (epub format) for Adobe Digital Editions was beautifully laid out and eminently readable, which was a pleasant experience, and it's only some 200 pages, so it's a fast read.

This novel is the first in a series:

Etiquette & Espionage
Curtsies & Conspiracies
Waistcoats & Weaponry
Manners & Mutiny

Fourteen year old Sophronia is sent to a finishing school, where finishing means exactly that: finishing off people, as in assassination! It's also a school for spies. I'm completely in love with Gail Carriger's sense of humor, if not Carriger herself (And I reserve judgment there!). How can you argue with a line like: "Who wouldn't want an exploding wicker chicken?"?!

The author spent some time in Britain, where this novel is set, and it shows very commendably. She has an amazing eye for the absurd, for the quirks of British life, and for the square peg in a round hole kind of person which Sophronia inescapably is. This novel is Harry Potter on steroids, but minus the too-cute and the magic, that being replaced with a liberal helping of steam-punk and intrigue, along with a sneaky and hilarious sense of humor.

In leading her main character on a merry dance in pursuit of her objective, the author goes through a humbling (for other writers like me!) repertoire of exquisitely-drawn characters, all of whom have quirks and foibles to both hate and love. The adventure begins with Sophronia's escapades at home, which lead directly to her being consigned (some might say exiled) to a finishing school suited to her disposition and talents.

I adore the playfulness of these stories, and the names which the author invents for her characters are exquisite: Bumbersnoot, Lord Dingleproops, Madame Spetunia, Sophronia Angelina Temminick, Dimity Ann Plumleigh-Teignmott, Pillover, Preshea, Bunson's, Duke Hematol, Mrs Barnaclegoose, Frowbritcher. They alone are worth reading the novel for,but the writing is exquisite, the plotting very well done, and the execution remarkable.

After saving herself, the girl who is to become her best friend, her best friend-to-be's younger brother (who is going to a different school to train as an evil genius) and the schoolmate who is in disguise as an older woman and who is highly suspicious, from flywaymen, life at school seems like it will be a let-down for Soph, but she discovers that an associate of the school, who helps them get aboard, is a werewolf, and one of their teachers is a vampire. Oh, and the topics at school are entirely to do with spying. Indeed, when Soph is called to the office after being reported climbing around on the exterior of the airship during one of her snooping forays, she isn't punished at all; she's merely dressed-down for allowing herself to be seen!

So Sophronia has to find her way in this finishing school to which she did not expect to go, and to which she was dispatched with unladylike speed, and find it she certainly does, and quite literally, too. The school is aboard a gigantic airship, which is subject to raids by flywaymen (sky pirates who are seeking something very specific from the school, and Soph is determined to discover what it is they're after).

During one of the sky pirate assaults, Soph actually ends up accidentally acquiring a brass steam dog from the pirates, which she promptly names Bumbersnoot, illicitly secreting him in her room, and feeding him coal! This is much to the disgust of her worst enemy (with whom she's forced to room along with her now best friend Dimity, a rather shy, retiring sort (but who's game for anything, it turns out), and a lanky Scots lass who also joins her troublesome trio. Along with aid from a precocious and amusing child of one of the teachers, and a likely lad from the engine room, as well as some assistance from Dimity's brother, Soph begins making herself very much at home - and very much a handful - on the airship.

In the end she saves the day of course, and I adored this novel. I was immediately, and very much looking forward to the sequel, Curtsies & Conspiracies which I also reviewed favorably. Carriger also has a series set twenty five years after this time period called "The Parasol Protectorate" which, rest assured, I shall be tracking down post-haste.


Friday, November 8, 2013

Journey to Rainbow Island by Christie Hsiao





Title: Journey to Rainbow Island
Author: Christie Hsiao
Publisher: Benbella Books Inc
Rating: WARTY!


DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration of any kind for this review.

I had the weirdest feeling when I started this that this novel wasn't written for a lone reader, but for someone to read to children. I don't know if Hsaio intended that, but that's how it felt to me, which wouldn't have been so bad if the writing wasn't so flowery that it's actually hard to read (and I don't mean technically hard, either). There's far too much hyperbole, and too many redundant phrases like "obsidian black". While I think I see what she intended by that, it seemed about as meaningful to me as saying "dark black". Later, she uses the awful phrase, "jaundiced shade of pale yellow" which is so redundant as to be absurd. Hsaio does present to me as if she has some good street cred and she seems to have her head screwed on right, so I wanted to like this, but I just could not like it no matter how hard I tried.

I'm a sucker for Asians and their mythology, but I'm definitely not the intended age range for this novel (which is 8 - 12 years old), but I do have two sons within that age range, and I can assure you that they would not touch a novel like this with a ten-foot pole. And rest assured that if I had a daughter, she would not like it either because it's simply not an engaging story, nor is it intelligently written. The story should appeal to the My Little Pony crowd, but if that's too immature for you or your kids, you won't like this novel at all. I do however, have a suggestion as to how that could be fixed at the end of this review.

Much as I wanted to enjoy this, Hsaio seemed determined to irritate me with every fresh chapter. She's yet another of these shamefully ignorant writers I've encountered this year who think the upper arm muscles (biceps and triceps) come in a singular form! Indeed she refers with an authoritative tone to the upper tricep! Honestly? A simple spell-checker would have caught this gaff. I may not deserve better than this, but my sons do, as do others of their age group. I decided yesterday to give this novel a stay of execution for one more day, because life is too short, and novels too plentiful to put up with anything as sub-standard as this story insisted upon showing itself to be, but even that was a day too many, I'm sorry to say.

Yu-ning, the female protagonist, is a Darq Render recognizable by the crescent-shaped birthmark on the inside of the upper left arm, yet the brilliant magician Metatron failed to see the significance of this! He failed to protect the community from the rogue Obsidigon (evil dragon), and he's unable to cure himself, let alone others, which is why they inexplicably have a hospital in the reputedly perfect community in which Yu-ning lives. It’s really too tiresome to continue to discover in how many of these fantasy stories we find the magician/wizard/witch is so useless as to be, well, useless, and so it's all on a poor kid to save everyone! But there's neither rationale nor justification to support the proposition that this kid is so special. Anyone can fire the arrows into the Obsidigon and "render" it into butterflies! This takes no special person or great skill.

The biggest problem with this story which is supposed to be about love and understanding is that in order to save everyone, Yu-ning has to render the dark! She has to be a warrior to fight and slay (not kill, mind you but slay!) the dragons. Where is the love there? That magician can’t render the dragons into butterflies by using magic? And what’s up with these beings of light living in dark caves? That just registered as truly odd with me, as indeed did their eating of eggs for breakfast when they supposedly love and respect animals so much that Yu-ning at one point grows angry with a hunter for killing them! What's that about taking the plank from your own eye, Yu-ning? I guess that proverb didn't travel very far in an easterly direction.

These people seem to have no problem with killing (no, that's cruel, I meant rendering....) when it suits them. The real irony of this exchange with the hunter is that without the knowledge and skill of such people, Yu-ning would never have a hunting weapon (her bow) to go after the Obsidigons to begin with! Indeed, at one point, a giant owl named Suparna, declares proudly "…in order for the light to shine...we must rend - or tear - the light from the dark." Why the violent language?

Yu-ning fixes the water wheel in the tower at the center of the Grey City (the population of which is treated in a condescending, almost racist fashion) and claims she did it with faith when she did no such thing. It was simple hydraulic engineering which fixed the lift mechanism's lack of water (for turning the wheel). Faith had nothing to do with it - unless it was faith in her hydraulic engineering skills! Anyone with modicum of grey matter could have figured out why the wheel wasn’t turning, traced the problem to the blockage, and unblocked it. And faith isn't going to save them if the ropes on the poorly-maintained lift are rotten! Simple proclamations of faith will not change Grey City, especially when those proclamations are dishonest. Yu-ning would have "rendered" the city a greater service if she had explained to them what the problem was and shown them how to fix it rather than fixing it and then essentially lying that "faith did it"! Maybe 'Faith' is Yu-ning's English name?

There are unintentional moments of hilarity: Yu-ning's arms started to tire from the power of the light? Light has no mass, so how is it tiring, exactly? If you want to enlighten children, don't keep them in the dark about light! Explain the science without vague allusions and obfuscations regarding faith and inner light - especially when you really don't understand light! This level of hilarity was somewhat unleavened with unexplained events such as Julian's claim that Yu-ning cured him? Of what? Hunger? She gave him an apple and that's it!

I expected a lot more from this novel and was sorry that such a promising premise failed to deliver on all levels but art. The illustrations were charming, and quite well done, but they were sadly let down by the writing. Perhaps this volume should have come out as a graphic novel? I rated it warty.


External Forces by Deborah Rix





Title: External Forces
Author: Deborah Rix
Publisher: Dime Store Books
Rating: WARTY!


DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration of any kind for this review.

This novel has a prologue - really short, but which I automatically skipped. Prologues are a waste of time and effort. If it’s worth telling, it’s worth putting in chapter one, front and center. Chapter one starts out badly by immediately telling us this is three weeks earlier, May, 2125, but it’s told in first person present! Chapter three brings us to the present - the novel's present, still in first person present PoV. Confused yet? Why we didn’t simply start it without the immediate flashback is as mysterious as it is annoying. First person PoV's are becoming increasingly anathema to me, and this novel is exemplary in offering a plethora of reasons why.

Finally, after all the ambling preamble we get to the story: now it’s June 2125, and Jess Grant is entering the military because she doesn’t want to be classed as a deviant and the military evidently gets a hall pass for this. Shades of Divergent anyone? (No, my comparing a novel to Divergent is most definitely not a compliment!) Deviance is evidently a really bad thing in a fundamentalist-future genetically-purified USA, where you can be killed for it, by the authorities, with no questions asked.

How we got to this sorry state of affairs isn’t really explained very well (except by passing reference to a comet strike in the Arabian sea and civil unrest), but if it's religion, it doesn't really need a rationalization, does it? It looks like Rix went the same way I did in Godstruck!, but starting from that same kind of premise, took off in a different direction, with a lot more technology, so I was initially quite curious to see what she did with it. That curiosity was soon dissatisfied.

To begin with, in a novel about an elite special forces unit, I could have done without the trope YA romance which frankly made me sick to my stomach. The advice she gets from her new best friend about shooting a pistol with your middle finger and using your forefinger to point, for example, seemed really stupid to me, not to say, er, pointless! But niggles aside, I confess I did start out liking this character and this idea. Unfortunately, Rix seemed to be determined to sicken me with her character's childish behavior and with the sadly puerile view of special forces to which she seems beholden.

I know this is set in the future, and it's fiction, and things have changed, but have military requirements mutated so drastically? Unless standards have dropped precipitously over the century between now and then, the training is nowhere near adequate or authentic. There's no way someone like Grant would ever have got in. The atmosphere in the barracks is completely juvenile and unrealistic. There is no way stupid childish stunts like throwing knives at people up against dartboards would ever be tolerated in an elite military unit: the soldiers have too much respect for the uniform and for their fellow soldiers. This is frankly an insult to special forces.

Again, unless IQs have dropped in a century (and given the eugenic breeding programs, perhaps they have) the behavior and training just didn't cut it. I didn't buy at all the "sim" units. They were completely inadequate and offered nowhere near realistic training for these poor soldiers who are doubtlessly going to die, and soon, as inadequately prepped as they are. It didn't help that we learn that Grant is a death-squad soldier in a Nazi regime - and she joined up knowingly. I'm supposed to like this teenager, who is inadequate as a soldier and, as if that's not bad enough in and of itself, who goes all wilt-and-vaporish over her sergeant Every. Single. Time. She. Sees. Him. Without. Fail and without a shred of self-possession, self-respect, or decency? I'm sorry but I was hoping for a much better main character than I got. It reminded me of that old Schwarzenegger movie Jingle All the Way where Langston finally gets his beautiful Turbo-Man figure from the santas for Jamie, only to open it and find it falls apart, and doesn't even speak the right language! That's this novel all over.

The sergeant's behavior towards Grant is absolutely no better, and a disgrace to his uniform. And completely out of left field. What has Grant done to even remotely appeal to the sergeant? Nothing! Nothing at all. And what's with her constantly referring to him as sergeant, anyway? Special forces don't identify rank: it gives too much information to their potential enemies. I kept telling myself that Rix had better have some really, really, and I mean really good stuff to tell me if I was going to let her get away with this kind of story-telling and not call her on it. And she didn't. I had no choice but to quit reading this and call her on it because, far from getting better and more engrossing, it got worse, and worse. Very soon - too soon, in fact - I couldn't stand it any more.

I really wanted to like this one, and I looked forward to reading it; I felt I had a lot of common ground with Rix's PoV in this story since I felt that the basic premise has so much in common with Godstruck!, but life is too short to waste on something which isn't pleasing you, and she left me no choice but to rate it warty. Here's a tip: I'd much rather read about Matt's second-in-command than about Jess Grant. There's no contest. She sounded far more mature, capable, and interesting. Indeed, one real fear I had was that she would be killed off and Jess would replace her as Sergeant Matt's second! That really would have killed me, so perhaps it's best that I didn't finish this one. But who knows, Rix is full of good ideas; maybe next time she'll execute them without executing them. One can only hope. We never run out of a need for fresh and original voices.


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

The School for Good and Evil by Soman Chainani





Title: The School for Good and Evil
Author: Soman Chainani
Publisher: Harper
Rating: WORTHY!

So after all the ebook authors who have dot com websites, now I have a hardback author who has a dot net! I loved that! So I've never heard of this guy before, and I found this book purely by accident at the library, on the "New" shelf. This, of course, merely means that the novel could have been published any time in the last four freaking years (they also have Sapphire Blue on that shelf! It doesn't mean that the novel is new: just that it's new to this library!

This is one of the most charmingly-written books I've read in a long time, and it starts out perfectly. The novel is about the fortunes and misfortunes of Agatha and Sophie, two extremely disparate friends who live in the extraordinarily isolated village of Gavaldon, surrounded by an impenetrable forest - well, it’s penetrable, but everyone who has gone in there trying to find a way through it has inevitably ended-up right back at Gavaldon - assuming they made it back at all.

Life in Gavaldon would seem idyllic, but there is a shadow over it. Every four years the 'schoolmaster' arrives in the night, and takes two children who miraculously later reappear, but not as children in the village: as characters in a fairytale which anonymously arrives on the door-step of the local bookseller at random times. Now you see what I meant about it being idyllic: it has a book shop and no distractions from reading the books!

Talking of shadows, Sophie has her own: she's unhappy because she just knows she's a good and real princess who deserves much more than she can expect in this little village. Indeed, her friendship with Agatha arose only because she wanted to do a good deed, any good deed, and chose Agatha as her victim. But it became much more than that. Agatha, because of her rough appearance, is shunned by pretty-much everyone except Sophie. The entire village thinks she's a witch. Sophie's dad barricades his daughter into her room on the night the schoolmaster is expected, but she pries her way out because she wants to be taken into the fairy tale world to become a princess. Agatha doesn’t believe in this schoolmaster crap until she sees a gnarled shadow that night, heading for Sophie's house. This shadow belongs to one of the most reticent, but important characters in the whole novel.

She races after it to rescue her friend, but both are caught up and bustled off to The School for Good and Evil. Unfortunately, from both their perspectives, there seems to be a mix-up: Sophie finds herself deposited into the evil side of the school, and Agatha into the good side. They both protest vehemently, but to no avail. When they finally kick and fuss, and run and side-step, and manage to meet on the bridge over the lake (good side) / moat (bad side) which divides the two branches of the school, there's an impassable barrier which prevents Agatha from saving Sophie, or Sophie from escaping to the side she knows must be right for her. Even when by subterfuge they manage to switch sides, they suddenly find themselves magically back on their original side again. It seems there is no escape. But there is.

Everyone can plainly see that both of them are (it would seem) quite evidently out of place, but no one seems either willing or able to do anything about it, and as if that wasn't bad enough, when Sophie and Agatha finally do meet, at the welcome assembly, and the princes come prancing in, it’s Agatha, and not Sophie, who (accidentally, to boot) catches the rose which Prince Tedros (son of King Arthur) tosses! This is, of course, before she decks him and gives him a black eye when they later meet, and she sets fire to an entire school tower! Tedros is a complete loser who deserves everything he gets, and is very much the paragon of Disney animation.

There is an apparently all-important question which the schoolmaster asks the two girls to resolve in order to be free: "What's the one thing evil can never have…and the one thing good can never do without?", and the answer is rather trite and disappointing, but it's resolved in a very unexpected manner. The manner in which it's answered is perfect, and I confess I was seriously hoping it would go this way, but in all honesty doubted that Chainani would have the guts and vision to go there. He did, and I love him for it!. Actually, you'd know the answer if only you’d been foresighted enough to buy my book Poem y Granite and read the poem on page 140! Hah!

So the last thing you need to expect from this novel is the expected, and I can say that with a certainty because I've finished reading this now, and my opinion is unchanged from what it began as: this novel is simply one of the best I've ever read. I've looked at some adverse criticism of the novel to see if I missed something other critics might have spotted, and I really didn't. It's anyone's choice, of course, whether they like a novel or not, but I have to say that a lot of those who are low-rating this novel do show seriously skewed views of what it was, what it was about, and what it tried to do. One silly criticism was that the characters were shallow and black and white. I disagree with that, because the two main protagonists were about as nuanced, complex, and conflicted and you can get, but even if that were not so, this is a novel about fairy-tale characters! For goodness sakes, since when have they had any depth?

How foolish is it to whine about how the characters are playing to type when it's a fairy-tale, and the characters are in a school which has the express purpose of training them to play to the very types which the critics complain about? Honestly? Some of the critics evidently haven't even read the novel because they're banging on about how the evil witch makes all the princes disappear (which would have been a very cool ending) but that's simply not what happened. Worse than this, some are also hypocrites, complaining that the characters are shallow and then describing the two main characters as the "beautiful" princess and the "ugly" witch! Seriously?

The whiny critics are simply wrong, so there! This novel is awesome and I fully and unreservedly recommend it.


Compliments of a Friend by Susan Isaacs





Title: Compliments of a Friend
Author: Susan Isaacs
Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
Rating: WARTY!

I really had a bit of a time trying to decide how to rate this. It was not that interesting to me, but it was short (and there was no prologue! Yippee!). Unfortunately, it was in the first person, which is almost never a good thing in my book. What made me want to rate it worthy was that it featured an older woman doing the detecting. It's about time, when we're undergoing a flood of young and sassy female detectives, that someone swam upstream. Kudos to Isaacs for that.

This novel wasn't smart mouthed - although Isaacs isn't afraid to to go potty mouth when called for. I appreciated the honesty, so kudos again. What really put me off was all the snobbish brand-name-dropping. I detest novels which do that because it keeps destroying my suspension of disbelief. It's especially obnoxious when the writer tries to dismiss the name-dropping by pretending it doesn't matter, like even they are embarrassed by how pretentious they are. And on this topic, why isn't Isaacs embarrassed by the price she's asking for a 69-page ebook?

The detective part of the story wasn't that interesting to me either - there was nothing brilliant or dramatic about it. So despite my initially wanting to find this short-story 'worthy' because of the older woman PoV, it was because she offered me nothing else to rave about that she left me no choice but to rate it warty.


Monday, November 4, 2013

A Study in Ashes by Emma Jane Holloway





Title: A Study in Ashes
Author: Emma Jane Holloway
Publisher: Gallery Books
Rating: WARTY!


DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration of any kind for this review.

Wow! Nine ebook reviews in three weeks was the challenge and I just met it! Now I see one of Net Galley's patented 'three week deadline' notices has just popped up on this one, as well! Never again will I offer to read so many ebooks in so short a time! Fortunately some of those nine (three or four) were real clunkers, so I didn't have to read them all the way through before I knew how to rate them! The rest were acceptable enough that reading them didn't seem like a slog at all.

Anyway, this is the final review in my foray into the first three of Holloway's niece of Sherlock Holmes novels! And yes, I promise you it is the final review I shall do of any of her novels in this series. I have absolutely no desire to read any more. A Study in Ashes is a truly fitting name for a conclusion to this series since it all came to ashes in the end. I reviewed A Study in Silks at the beginning of October, and A Study in Darkness towards the end of that month. The first of these two I liked, the second I thought was awful. The third went downhill from there.

The problem with this series is that it's fundamentally fraudulent: I mean, why even mention Sherlock Holmes in your novel and book blurb, let alone boast a main character who's his niece, and then betray every single thing for which Holmes stood by rendering his supposed Protégé into a complete Mary Clueless, who actually does near to zero investigating? Why invest in a girl who has shown herself to be completely undisciplined, a non-thinker, slow, witless, shiftless, thoughtless, and boring? She's much better qualified to pursue what she does best, and incessantly: bemoaning her fate, and pining for Nick-ed the thief, aka worthless piece of trash, and when she's not suffering the wilts and the vapors over him, pining for Toby-ass the worthless piece of trash. I can't respect a character like that, much less actually root for her, or want to read about her. The idea for this series was really cool, but it was sorrowfully wasted in execution (execution is what these stories begged for!). The pseudo steam-punk was a nice touch, but it never really got off the ground in any useful sense except for sensationalism. I could have done happily without the Deva's, notwithstanding how amusing Bird and Mouse were, but even they would have been tolerable had the detective we were implicitly promised actually showed up for work. She never did.

I tried to get into this particular volume three or four times, but after wading through the first half-dozen or so chapters and skimming some of the others, I could find nothing in it to even generate my interest, let alone sustain it! The most interesting character, Imogen, was completely AWOL in the portions that I read. Evelina, supposedly the main character, did nothing but show herself to be clueless, impotent, incompetent, and morbidly self-centered. She once had a job (in volume two) where she could learn everything she wanted, but she had evidently passed that up (for whatever reason) by volume three, to go to a school where all she's allowed to learn (in that era) are 'proper lady's' topics. She's apparently content with this since she resists being thrown out of the college.

Toby-ass proves himself to be an even bigger shit in this novel than he achieved in either of the previous two, which takes some believing: now he has a wife and a son neither of whom he gives a damn about. I can see some logic to his having problems with a wife who was forced upon him, but I cannot countenance his treatment of her. She was a good, fun, and interesting person, and his behavior towards her is not only ungentlemanly, it's thoroughly unconscionable in someone who is supposed to be one of the good guys. Why would I like a jerk such as him, or be interested in what he wants does, thinks, or feels? Alice, his wife, is nowhere in sight in this novel either (not in the portion I read), which is a shame, because she was my second favorite character after Imogen.

But it's not his treatment of her which completely writes him off, since I fully expect this numb-nuts to behave badly towards women; no, the killer is his treatment of his son. That's completely unacceptable to me, and for Evelina to harbor feelings for this jerk tells me a lot about her - a lot of unpleasant things, that is. I have no interest in learning any more about any of these privileged losers, so I said, "The hell with this series!" Life is too short to waste it on pointless, uninteresting, and even downright irritating prose. I'm glad to be done with this un-nourishing stubble and moving to graze on greener pastures.


Rebels Divided by Lance Erlick





Title: Rebels Divided
Author: Lance Erlick
Publisher: Finlee Augare Books
Rating: WARTY!


DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration of any kind for this review.

The writing technique seemed a bit odd to me in this novel; it feels like it's a first novel, which it apparently isn't, but the oddities go beyond that to being downright confusing at points, such as at the top of page 20 where Erlick includes a brief first person thought, but fails to italicize it to delineate it as such. This novel contains no warning which would suggest that it's a draft galley proof or anything like that and really, in this day and age, there would seem to be neither need nor excuse for such anachronisms. The copy put out there for net "galley" reading really ought to be in first class shape. There is no excuse for it to be less than that.

This is yet another novel which has a "table of contents" which lists only the chapter numbers - no page number, no chapter title, nothing but a list of chapters. I still do not see the point in that! But at least the author is smart enough not to have a prologue! This novel tells the story of a war in North America which appears broadly speaking, to be between men and women. The "rebels" seem to be all men (at least in the first half of this novel, which is all I read): mountain men living in the Appalachians who carry shotguns and skulk around in the undergrowth taking ineffectual potshots at the enemy). The enemy is an army of "mechs" which are women encased in a titanium alloy shell, which of course has an inevitable weak spot. Seriously? When George, who inexplicably goes by Geo (like Neo, maybe?!), and his father kill one of the mechs, Geo is somehow left a sitting duck, but the other mech simply stares at him instead of shooting, so he escapes.

It turns out that the other mech is Geo's "sister" Annabelle, who is apparently tired of killing, and she's not very good at it anyway, because it isn't long before she's captured and held while her captors try to force her into a marriage. This made zero sense at all to me. Are these women free or not? Isn't that why they're fighting? So what’s with the arranged marriages? It made zero sense that Annabelle would not kill Geo when she had the chance given that he had just slaughtered her closest friend. The fact that she's his "sister" holds no water because they don't even know each other in any meaningful sense, and they're not related.

The story seems very much to be a Xerox® of the American civil war, with the rural "south" fighting the industrialized "north", and with families split and pitted against one another, but along gender lines rather than political or slave-ownership affiliation. It reminds me of an idea I had for a gender war story, but mine was nothing like this one. The story then took off swinging like a pendulum, back and forth between Geo and Annabelle until the two of them finally hook up together, both of them on the run. Since Annabelle's adopted, it seems pretty obvious which way things will go from here on out: no surprises, nothing unexpected there.

My problem with this story, at just before the half-way point, was that I had no vested interest in it or in any of the characters. I could not relate to either Geo or Annabelle, and I had no feelings about them one way or the other. They seemed really bland and rather juvenile, and offered me nothing to root for. Why would I care about either of them or what happens to them? I can’t answer that question, and that is exactly the problem! I need something more than this if I'm to really get interested in a novel. I need to see a reason to root for a character, or I need to actually like the character or at least find them engaging, or interesting. There was none of that here. I need to be interested in their world and what's going on. I need to want to find out what happens next, and I just didn't care what happened next here! Feeling none of the above is a really bad position to be in when you're pretty-much half-way through the novel!

One of the worst parts of the story, and this was what finally put the last nail in its coffin, came right around this point, too: at the end of chapter 21 Annabelle pins Geo on the floor to show him how tough she is, and how men are not superior to women. This was bad enough, having her behaving "like a man" to show how superior (or even how 'equal' women are, but then contrast this with what happens in Chapter 23, less than ten pages later, where Geo refuses to share his sleeping bag with her because she won’t answer his appallingly intrusive personal questions, and she starts whining that he's not behaving like a gentleman! I'm sorry, but at that point I decided this novel was simply too juvenile and silly to continue reading. This is novel is WARTY!


Sunday, November 3, 2013

One of Our Thursdays is Missing by Jasper Fforde





Title: One of Our Thursdays is Missing
Author: Jasper Fforde
Publisher: Recorded Books
Rating: WORTHY!

I've also reviewed Jasper Fforde's The Eyre Affair and Shades of Grey

This audio book is narrated by Emily Gray (not to be confused with the remarkable paralympic athlete of the same name), and I have to say she is now my favorite narrator, beating out even Neil Gaiman, because her performance of this novel was masterful (mistressful?). I'm serious, she completely nailed it, and the way she entered into it so whole-heartedly made it a joy to listen to.

I rated this novel as a worthy read as soon as I'd finished listening to the first audio disk because I laughed my ass off listening to it. Fforde rambles on about novels and literature and stories, and grammatical errors, and syntax, and it sounds boring to put it like that, but the way he words everything, and the sly references and snarks he slips in about books in general and about certain classics in particular is freaking hilarious. I adored this novel, and Fforde is now on my list of favorite writers and must-reads. I reviewed Fforde's Shades of Grey not long ago

Here's something which should give heart to all you self-publishers: according to wikipedia, Jasper Fforde had received 76 publisher rejections prior to The Eyre Affair making it into print. He had been forcibly kept out of our lives by clueless, blinkered, self-appointed establishment censors of what’s readable and what isn't, what’s publishable and what should be banned. No more shall they rule. Self-publishing does!

The story is number six in a series, not one of which I'd read prior to this one, but they are all on my radar now, and Xmas is just around the corner! The previous volumes evidently consisted of his main character, Thursday Next, solving literary puzzles in the classics, keeping the books in the order which readers expect to find them when they open them. In this one, Fforde fords the river of change and decides to reorganize his literary world. Worse than this, Thursday Next is apparently missing, and it's up to her written version who is also, of course, named Thursday Next to solve a mystery which no one else seems to think exists. Oh, her butler does - he's an automaton which she rescued from being stoned (no, not that kind, the Biblical kind - the kind which true believers ought to be out doing to adulteresses and gays if they honestly believe the source of morality comes from their Bible! I for one am glad they reject the Bible as the source of moral authority even as they lie they don't.)

So (written) Thursday and Sprocket, wisely ignoring input from Pickwick, the pet Dodo, and Mrs Malaprop, the horse-creeper, start wandering around Book World, visiting the poetry neighborhood, and Vanity (publishing) Island to try and figure out who dropped The Bed Sitting Room on an unsuspecting neighborhood. And damned if she doesn't solve it. This novel was hilarious, inventive in the extreme (and I mean that literally) and magnificent. I can recommend it highly enough! It's the perfect thing to have handy if you ever find yourself trapped in a mime-field....


Saturday, November 2, 2013

Echo Prophecy by Lindsey Sparks writing as Lindsey Fairleigh

Rating: WARTY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration of any kind for this review.

This is volume 1 in the Echo Trilogy. Unfortunately, it has a prologue, but it's very short, and I skipped it as usual. NO PROLOGUES!!! Alexandra "Lex" Larson is a post-graduate student studying archaeology (in particular the ancient languages and dialects of Egypt) who, on the same day, has three important revelations come to her. One is as exciting as another is disconcerting. The third? Well, she's not quite smart enough to really figure that out until later. First: she's to have the opportunity to go on a dig in Egypt, and not as a grunt, but as a language adviser. This is a dream come true, and which understandably thrills her. It's an honor: a public recognition of her arrival in her chosen professional field. It's also an intriguing and exciting prospect that's unceremoniously tossed in the crapper by the author in favor of a cheap young-adult quality romance! Unbelievable.

Second: her mother shows up unexpectedly and reveals to Lex that she and her sister are by-product's some anonymous guy's masturbatory fantasy: her parents went to a sperm bank and that's how they begat Lex and her sister. There's no explanation offered for why her mother chose to reveal this at precisely that moment, so this positively screeched at me that me I was reading a novel, which I already knew of course, but I was becoming quite immersed in it until that point! Third: later!

It seems to me that Fairleigh could have done a much better job of this than she did, but since she had done such a good job of writing everything else in the first few chapters, I felt forced to let her have her head for a while. I rather suspect that a revelation, irl, of this nature, especially right before Xmas, would be at best, disconcerting to most people, but not to all of them. When are we going to have a novel where the character isn't obsessed by it, or who even doesn't care? That would be a refreshing change, because this "who were my parents/my daddy/my mommie/is a bit hackneyed and trope-ish these days. Of course, it's necessary for this novel's plot, but I find myself wondering if this could have been written in a less 'grab you by the scruff of the neck and shake you violently' manner.

But that's not what I've been handed here, so let's continue. A few people, especially if they were as smart as Lex is supposed to be, would have figured out something long before they were Lex's age (24), but she didn't, and what bothered me, apart from how disturbingly juvenile Lex is, was that her reaction to the news, given what we've been told about her to this point, seemed extreme, and out of character. She immediately obsesses with this news in a most melodramatic manner and to an extent that's way beyond what's rational! It's out of character for her to smolder with this desperate need to know who her "real dad" is and toss everything else aside in pursuit of it. This screamed at me: "You're reading a novel!" I found it irritating, especially when Lex visits her grandmother solely to grill her for information about her genetic legacy, and her grandmother does indeed have this information. How convenient! This reaction is exacerbated later and Lex promoted to full hypocrite status when she agrees with her mother that they should not pass this same information onto her younger sister, Jenny! I began not to like Lex at that point!

What bothers me most of all about this parentage issue, I guess, is that all of it takes away - to an important extent IMO - from Lex's real and most interesting issue. This is the third item to which I alluded above: Lex has premonitions. These revelatory dreams seem to be something very recent and sudden, and again, there's no explanation for this eruption of clairvoyance other than the obvious one: we're starting a novel! But there's something interesting about the dreams: they are, all of them, about the past except, that is, for the very first one which Fairleigh shares with us. That one appeared to be about the future - a future Lex appeared to head off (or did she? We'll never know!). This is important with regard to her inane behavior later.

Lex stays with her folks over Xmas, and she mends a badly-broken fence with her sister Jenny. At least she takes positive steps towards that end - but given her other behaviors, I have to ask, "What's the point?" It's all going to be torn up again when Jenny discovers that Lex kept information from her about their parentage, so even this is irrational! There is one intriguing revelation for the reader here, which is that there's someone else in Lex's dreams who appears to be able to control what she sees. Twice as she is about to see the face of the guy who is advising her parents to contact Doctor Lee in order to have the children they want, someone grabs her shoulder and prevents her turning that last corner in her parents' house to see him. Is this her doctoral adviser - a man about whom we've already had it suggested is very much a father figure to her?! Highly suspicious....

On another note, I was saddened to see that we have yet another female author who (apparently unthinkingly) places men and women into traditional roles: Lex and her mom "naturally" migrate to the kitchen to prepare the Xmas repast whilst her dad sits around drinking beer. He may be sitting pretty, but this arrangement didn't sit well with me. The really sad thing is that it's actually a representative perspective! Should I blame an author for reporting how life is? Should I blame her for not fighting stereotypes? I feel like I should, because the reason these gender roles became stereotypes is that not enough people were combating them!

Yes, I know her story isn't about equality of the genders, but that's not the point. It doesn't hurt writers to combat stereotypes even in the "minor" details of the tales they tell, because those details aren't minor - not in matters of this import. This is fiction that Fairleigh is writing after all, not a documentary; she could make these people behave however she wants, so I'm forced to the understanding that she either consciously chose to buy into the stereotype, or that she was completely blind to what she was promoting, which is actually worse.

I was further put off by Lex's endlessly juvenile behavior. If she were thirteen, I'd pretty much expect this - if she were she also stupid. She gets a ride home (arranged by her newly reconciled sister) with a guy she considered hot in high-school but who she hasn't seen in six years. This is after she has slept in her younger sister's bed one night, because she had a bad dream. Her kid sister finds nothing bizarre in this behavior, which means it's been common for some time. One of them is twenty four, going on thirteen, the other twenty-two, going on sixteen. They're neither of them appealing to me in any way at the moment! So we end up seeing Lex flustered and blushing, and behaving like a pre-teen, when her ride home asks her to accompany him to a New Year's party. How am I supposed to respect her as a hero of this novel when I can't find anything even to like, much less respect, about her so far? Fairleigh really had her work cut out for her at that point if she was going to win me over to her main character! (Spoiler: she failed)

Then came chapter six, in which Lex becomes a real Mary Sushi. So Lex actually forces a prophetic dream upon herself about her New Year's Eve date with Mike. The dream shows her that he will assault her and try to rape her, yet despite the fact that she knows the dreams are "telling her true", she still goes on the date, she still dresses in the same dress she saw in the dream, and she still drinks too much, and of course he assaults her and tries to rape her! I was already having serious respect issues over her behavior, but honestly? So she goes out of her way to prevent the prophetic dream about her professor from coming true when she has no reason to believe it would, then she behaves like a moron with regard to her own dream when she now knows she's dreaming truth? This makes absolutely no sense at all.

This part of the novel is actually interesting because it does raise some of the serious tangential issues over assaults and rape. It would be worth using this as a point to start exploring these issues in a class discussion of the topic. Let me get the baseline out of the way before I go into this: No, if a woman dresses "like a slut" and drinks too much, it does not mean she's asking to be raped, and it does not mean she deserves what she got. Neither does the fact that she initially had a certain end result in mind mean that she should get that result forced upon her after she changes her mind. In Lex's case however, and even without her prophetic warning, it does mean she's not very smart to dress in a way, especially on a first date, that sends certain signals (intentional or not) to someone like Mike, who she really doesn’t know, but who does (or did) have a reputation - something she did know.

The fact that Lex was three sheets to the wind doesn’t mean she's to blame for being raped, or near-raped, but it does mean she's not very smart to drink so much that her inhibitions are not under a healthy control, and her self-defense capacity is severely compromised, especially on a first date - unless she actually does want to plant the impression in her date's mind that she's easy and loose, with poor self control. In Lex's case in particular, given that she was forewarned that this would happen and did absolutely nothing whatsoever to head it off, this most certainly does mean that she's not worthy of much of my respect at this point. I have no idea what Fairleigh thought she was doing with her character here, but it didn’t impress me. On the contrary, it seemed clunky and amateur, and it very effectively evicted me from Lex's corner.

I saw no point to the attack on Lex from a story-telling PoV, just as I saw no point in what happened next. Lex is rescued from her near-rape by a mysterious character who is cloaked in black when Lex later tries to find him in her dream state. He severely beats up her date (this has relevancy for later), and then carries Lex to the ER. None of this makes any sense in the light of later revelations, one of which is Lex's advanced self-healing powers. This rescuer knows who and what she is, so why would he take her to the hospital? I was seriously tempted to believe that he is Seth - the guy who directed Mike to attack her - and yes, the supposedly evil god of the ancient Egyptians. But the truth turns out to be far more menacing than that.

In chapter nine, Fairleigh further insults Lex's intellect and viability as a main character. This is where she finally meets Professor Bahur to discuss the upcoming dig. When the two meet however, we get YA trope all over, which was truly gut-churning in how Lex reacts to the young professor, who is so trope-ish as to be almost a parody, but this isn't the worst problem! Bahur mentions the temple's main entrance, which quite obviously implies there is at least one other entrance, but when Lex brings up that painfully obvious idea, the professor stupidly holds up this as an example of her advanced intellect. Stating the obvious is advanced intellect? It’s no such thing unless she's truly a moron and this is offered as proof that she's not a complete moron!

Fairleigh continued to render this story ever harder for me to like with every opportunity that arose for her to do so. When she began randomly, but reliably, tossing in klutzy plotting or bizarre (even within her own framework) events it was as disappointing as it was unsurprising. How could she go write down-hill after such a promising start? Yet another mystery! On page 87, for example, she has Bahur saying, "A curse whose affects you must suffer from every day", but 'affects' is the wrong word. It should be 'effects'. I tried reading this as though it refers to some sort of affectation, but I can’t see how that makes any sense. Maybe I'm missing something. Or maybe Fairleigh simply screwed-up!

That's a quite minor offense compared with the next few revelations from her pen. Or keyboard. One aspect of the assault on Lex that I haven't mentioned was that she loses about 20 pounds in weight while in hospital overnight after the assault! There is no explanation for this until later, when she meets her thirty-year-old grandfather (yes!). But at the time, she never once thinks there is something utterly bizarre and dangerous about losing so much weight literally overnight, nor does her mother who is constantly at her side, and not one of the medical personnel suggests that she should have tests - like for some form of cancer for example? That's completely absurd: that no one should be interested in it, especially not the doctors in the hospital.

Fairleigh covers this up by producing a Doctor Isa, who takes over Lex's care, but this is also complete nonsense. I've worked in hospitals, and there's no way in hell that a strange doctor could simply storm in from nowhere and take over a doctor's patient, including discharging her, and especially given the circumstances. It's not only not that simple, it's not only medical malpractice, it's also simply impossible, and it was also completely avoidable if Lex had never been taken to the hospital in the first place. The story accomplished nothing by putting her there.

The entire novel sinks further into the toilet when her thirty-year old grandfather comes to visit her, escorted by his aging wife - Lex's grandmother. He launches into the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever heard. Once again we have the now-tired trope of a "time gene" - or more accurately in this case, a chromosome - and none of this makes even the remotest sense. This chromosome allows the people who carry it to look backwards and forwards in time, and to heal very quickly (at the cost of losing body weight - so at least that follows a moderately intelligent principle if nothing else does. And nothing else does!).

Our closest living genetic relative is the chimpanzee. We differ from them by only a tiny handful of percentage points in the entire three-billion character genome, yet humans cannot reproduce with chimpanzees precisely because of a differing chromosome count (inter alia). This inability to reproduce with those outside the genetic group is the very definition of species for those organisms which reproduce sexually, but Fairleigh further clouds this issue by insisting that Nejeret women (Nejerettes, because let's face it there's no equality of the genders in Fairleigh's system!) are barren; reproduction is carried out through Nejeret men impregnating human women! That is women of a different species according to Fairleigh! I'm sorry but no, no, and no-way-in-hell is this system viable or even sensible.

Yet Fairleigh would have us believe that the Nejeret people (the group to which Lex evidently belongs, along with her grandfather) have this extra mutant chromosome and still can reproduce with "humans"! If they can reproduce, they are human period. If they cannot, they are not, so it has to be one or the other, not both, as Fairleigh rather ignorantly would try to have it here. Fairleigh claims it cannot be detected by modern genetics! Nonsense. If it's in the genome then it's readily detectable by modern science - especially if it's an entire chromosome. If Fairleigh knew a little more about genetics, then she would have known to suggest that her mutation was carried in the mitochondrial DNA - that is in the separate genome carried in every cell that comes down to children only through the female line. This could have worked for her fiction (at a stretch), but it's not the way Fairleigh chose to go - she chose to have it come down only through the male line, which means it has to be on the Y chromosome, not on some extra mutant chromosome. There are some issues with mtDNA, too, since, as Bryan Sykes's book The Seven Daughters of Eve which I enjoyed but have not yet got around to reviewing) illustrates, the handful of mitochondria are very well known and none of them are inhuman!

This last observation is rendered particularly amusing when Fairleigh has Lex look back in time (as her grandfather reveals this information to her) and sees her mother cavorting in her own mother's yard, and there are seven apple trees! I nearly laughed out loud at that. And yes, the "A well-fed Nejerette is a happy Nejerette." line struck me as being immensely amusing, but then Fairleigh turns my stomach again by having Bahur take advantage of Lex by having her pretend to be his girlfriend, merely to dissuade the girl at the coffee shop from drooling over him any more. This was a highly inappropriate thing for her supervisor to do, and after all the fuss Lex had been making about never dating again and being cautious with men after she was attacked, for her to simply surrender to Bahur's wishes is a truly sickening, it really is. Rather than find it the least bit romantic, I found it yet another betrayal by a female author of a female character, and yet another example of how profoundly stupid Lex is.

Such examples kept coming thick and fast at that point: Lex meets again with her grandfather and grills him for details of the Nejeret people (and nets herself a very amateur info-dump), whilst she simultaneously fails to fully inform him of important and highly relevant facts. Examples of this would be her knowledge that someone had deliberately changed who her father was by substituting sperm at the fertility clinic where she was conceived, and also in failing to inform her grandfather that it was Seth - one of the seven Nejeret council members (one who has supposedly vanished) - who was directing Mike in his attack on her. This was about 40% into this novel, and right then I was wondering if I could get even so much as fifty percent of it stomached before I bolted.

The answer is a very loud and clear "No!" and the reason is that, after all the fuss we went through about Mike assaulting Lex and how it understandably left emotional scars, we then get Bahur doing precisely the same thing Mike did! He's manipulative. He's irrationally angry over trivialities. He's possessive. He has displayed control issues by savagely beating up a guy who assaulted Lex. He claims he owns her (and is sickeningly correct in that statement), and worse: he physically abuses Lex, pushing her around and worse, and yet this delusional woman thinks this is hot and romantic? She needs therapy, and soon.

I'm sorry but this novel is an insult to intelligent and independent women everywhere, and this needs to be stated loudly and unequivocally. If this were a novel about an abusive relationship, then I could see the rationale in having these characters behave as they do, but this is no such novel. It's supposed to be about Lex coming into her own over some startling find in Egypt (at least that's how it opens), but up to the point where I read it, Egypt wasn't even remotely on the map. Instead, the entire story degenerated into a cheap and sleazy no-mance, which had nothing to recommend it and was actually boring, being all-Lex, all-drooling all-the-time. The rest of the so-called plot went out the window!

The story at that point was paradoxically pointless! It was also completely uninteresting, uninventive, unoriginal, and worse than any of this: thoroughly disgraceful in the way it dishonestly portrayed a co-dependent relationship (where an older - like 2,000 years older! - man preyed on an impressionable and naïve young woman) as being a relationship that was healthy, loving, and romantic. Just exactly why would someone like Bahur, having two thousand years of experience under his belt, be even remotely interested in a child like Lex? That's the equivalent of a fifty-year old man falling in love with, and wanting to marry, a six-month-old kid. This nauseating and obnoxious novel is definitely warty beyond measure.


Friday, November 1, 2013

Three Girls and Their Brother by Theresa Rebeck





Title: Three Girls and Their Brother
Author: Theresa Rebeck
Publisher: Audiobooks
Rating: WARTY

This novel sucked green wieners from the start. It turned out to be nothing like the book blurb had lead me, at least, to believe it would present. The cover should have told me all I needed to know. This is about redheads, and the cover is B&W! There's only one woman on it and she looks way too old to be one of the sisters. She looks more strawberry blonde than red-head. Whose hand is that lighting her cigarette (or is it her brandy he's lighting?). We don't know. I don't care. Maybe it's her brother condescending to bring light to her world like a Judaic Messiah or the Greek god Prometheus. Maybe her hair is red from being set aflame?

The entire novel is narrated by a boring, self-obsessed guy kibitzing endlessly about his so-called life, and all the wonderful things which continually befall him, oh, and yeah, his apparently bratty sisters. I just didn't trust his take on things at all, but I couldn't maintain enough interest to bother satisfying my yawning curiosity on the topic. I'm yawning now just thinking about it. Brr! Ugh! This novel is not in the least entertaining: it's not funny, it's not interesting, and it's not going anywhere. That's the best I can say about it. The title itself is misleading because it's really about a bro (oh, and there are bits about his irrelevant three sisters and their tiresome fifteen minutes of fame tossed in for leavening).

I should have known better than to pick up any novel which uses a word like 'literary' in the blurb. Such novels are inescapably worthless and pretentious, but when it combined 'literary' with 'critic' I definitely should have known to run a mile. Hopefully I'll remember this next time! WARTY! (Imagine multitudinous exclamations in hum-drum line with that one)