Bleeding Earth by Kaitlin Ward

Title: Bleeding Earth
Author: Kaitlin Ward
Publisher: Egmont
Rating: WARTY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

I had problems with this novel right from the off. There were so many of them that it's hard to know where to start. It’s written in first person PoV which I detest because few writers can do it and make it readable without inducing nausea. There’s nothing more fingernails-on-a-chalk-board than someone constantly admonishing a reader to “Lookit ME! Lissen to ME! Nothing’s more important than what’s happening to MEEEEE!” Why so many writers choose this form is a mystery. I generally adore writers who do not and it seems so much more annoying in YA novels, probably because YA stories are all-too-often far more petty and frivolous than is literature aimed at a more mature readership, for reasons unknown.

This one begins with the narrator, Lea, trying to induce her friend Hillary to come into the graveyard with her, when it’s Hillary’s idea to go there in the first place! Hillary evidently has an irrational fear of graveyards which makes it problematic for her to do tracings of the gravestones for her family history project. Why she chose to trace rather than simply photograph was unexplained. Maybe her fear has grown because she’s lived directly across the street from the graveyard all her life? Familiarity breeds terror?

Lea sounds like a really needy person. She was responsible for Hillary’s breaking-up with her boyfriend because of this sorry neediness. What if Hillary’s boyfriend’s name had been Bill? Maybe history would be different?!

Anyway, as they’re leaving the cemetery, they walk right over a grave which is leaking blood – that’s how oblivious they are of their surroundings – and this is despite Lea’s ragging on Hillary, and despite Hillary’s supposed phobia. Neither of them notices until they step in it. Worse than this, they’re too stupid to grasp that a corpse isn’t going to leak blood, and even if it did, the blood isn’t going to come flooding up to the surface of the grave from six feet below. This creeping 'dumb-assery' problem becomes worse as the story goes on.

On the positive side, this isn’t your usual trope YA – Lea is lesbian, so there’s no bad-boy boyfriend around, and fortunately, Aracely (Lea’s girlfriend whose parents are French) isn't a “bad boy” who has hair falling into her eyes, and has gold flecks in her eyes, and is ripped, so it's not all bad! Lea is ‘out’ at school and at home, yet her best friend’s mother doesn’t know and apparently wouldn’t approve, so they keep her in the dark. Hmm! I wonder what the future of this relationship is going to be?

Well, on top of all that, Aracely isn’t out yet which is another inexplicable issue since…FRENCH! I know all French aren’t alike, but it seems to me there’d be a lot less judgment and opposition in French parents (actually one parent – her dad. Mom is not in the picture) than ever there would be with US parents, who tend to be much more conservative than Europeans.

The problem with Aracely is that Lea’s only attraction to her is that “She’s so, so pretty.” Seriously? Can you not think of a single thing to recommend her other than her skin? I don’t get why female writers so persistently do this to female characters. I don’t get why they don’t get that regardless of how the rest of the world objectively sees a person, they’re always beautiful to the person who loves them.

Hillary’s boyfriend is named after a brand of jeans and has “…the standard blond-haired, blue-eyed thing going on…”? What on Earth does that mean? That only Aryans are acceptable or that this is a standard because it’s the most common appearance? Both are so wrong that they couldn’t be more wrong without going around the other side and starting back towards right again. I don’t know what that phrase means, but blue-eyed boys are a common trope in YA written by white authors.

As she walks home, Lea passes “…an LED display with bright pink bulbs.” LEDs are not bulbs, so I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but we're conveniently distracted from that conundrum, because it’s right at that point that the earth starts bleeding – there is blood coming up from the side-walk, and for some reason this causes mass hysteria! Lea just goes home and watches TV like it’s any other day. Apparently the event is world-wide.

This blood “…doesn’t just drown the grass - it suffocates it.” I fail to see any real distinction here, but we can put that down to artistic license! The problem with the blood is that it’s rising everywhere and we’re told that it’s causing floods. It’s supposedly running down the streets like rain in a heavy rainstorm, but it’s not draining away, either, so it makes no sense.

Although it appears exactly like blood right down to the smell, apparently it’s not congealing like blood! How this welling of blood is causing society to break down is unexplained. We’re told that places like NYC have power outages, and that coastal areas are flooding, but there’s nothing offered to explain how, exactly, these things are actually occurring.

There seems to be this big deal about scientists not knowing whether it’s blood! Seriously? It would be the easiest thing in the world to identify whether it is or not, yet this is like a big mystery? It made no sense. Worse than this, after Lea informs us that Aracely wants to be a scientist, the latter remarks (after it starts raining blood) that blood is too thick to evaporate! Nonsense. The solid particles in blood won’t evaporate, of course, but the liquid – which is water (duhh!) will. But that’s not how it’s raining blood – it’s not like the blood is developing its own hydro-cycle! Once you have a story where blood is unaccountably welling-up from the earth itself, there’s no reason why it can’t magically precipitate from the sky, too.

At one point Aracely indicates that no one has yet determined what this red substance truly is, but only two pages later (and in the same time frame), Lea is saying that it’s been specifically identified as human blood, so there’s a big disconnect there (and Aracely’s scientific credentials take another hit!).

We read at one point: “…she smiles at me - I can tell by the crinkles at the corner of her eyes.” That's the only way to tall that someone is smiling?! I guess Aracely's so, so pretty lips don't do the trick? Or maybe the narrator, Lea, isn't very smart? There's a good case to be made for that. At one point, these idiot girls go out for a drive – in blood that’s a foot deep! Of course the car breaks down.

This blood flood is completely unrealistic - even within its own fictional framework. Despite this up-welling and raining of blood, life goes on pretty much as normal: everyone goes off to work, kids go off to school. What? There’s absolutely zero police presence. There is no national guard. There is no fire department. There's apparently no emergency! Worse than this, there's no fly problem! Flies swarm all over a bloody road-kill corpse yet here, when the entire world is covered in blood, there are no flies?

Lea’s mom is described as “firmly atheist”, but she’s later described as avidly reading the Bible? No, it's not going to happen! Not if she's an actual atheist as opposed to a fence sitter.<.p>

The blood is the only character that changes in this story! Or at least, it changes its character. First it’s not toxic, then it is, but only if drunk. It’s not airborne, then respirators are being handed out, but you have to go out in the blood to the courthouse to pick up your respirator? Despite there being shuttle buses to transport people around, Lea and Aracely choose to walk back home! In blood. A foot deep. That’s now supposedly toxic.

Later they go to a party in the park, in the toxic blood. That's a foot deep. That’s when I quit reading this nonsense. I will not recommend something as juvenile as this, not even to an undiscriminating YA audience.

Bennington Girls Are Easy by Charlotte Silver

Title: Bennington Girls Are Easy
Author: Charlotte Silver (no website found)
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday
Rating: WARTY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

This novel sounded really intriguing from the blurb – which just means the blurb did its job in luring me in, but the reading of it was awful. It was one long description, and the description wasn’t even that interesting. These are girls who attended a co-ed school where clothing is supposedly optional, but which was evidently routinely worn. I can imagine some young girls relishing that prospect, but not most of them, and I can’t imagine many parents being in a rush to send their young girls to a school like that.

The girls evidently learned nothing from the school. When they graduate, they get jobs in bakeries and seem to have no interest in pursuing a career or doing anything other than sitting around and gossiping. There was nothing in this story to interest me at all. No characters to like, no one with whom to empathize, no one to root for, and nothing going on.

I don’t do covers. In fact I pay very little attention to them because my blog is about writing and unless the novel is self-published, the author has nothing whatsoever to do with the cover, but I have to say in this particular case that this cover is certainly one of, and possibly the most boring cover I’ve ever paid any attention to! OTOH, it really does, for once, fit the novel! The real problem here was that the story wasn’t interesting. It was slow and dull from the very beginning, and by chapter ten I still really had no idea of who the characters really were, who I was supposed to be paying any attention to, or where the story might be headed.

I made it through those first ten chapters (about a quarter of the way through) and I was skimming pieces of it by then. Nothing changed for that whole ten chapters: nothing got interesting, and nothing happened. This is without question one of the most boring and un-enticing novels I’ve ever read. I cannot in good faith recommend it based on what I read.

Cardboard by Doug TenNaple

Title: Cardboard
Author: Doug TenNaple
Publisher: Scholastic
Rating: WORTHY!

This was one of the most entertaining and amusing graphic novels I've read in a long time. Now I'm on the look-out for other works by this author. It's a bit of a Frankenstein story about a creation which gets out of control. I read the whole thing while waiting in line for a sneak preview of the execrable Jupiter Ascending, and it was the highlight of my night! Thank you, Doug TenNaple!

This beautifully (and rib-ticklingly) illustrated book is the size of a regular print book (smaller than a graphic novel typically is), but illustrated all the way, with sparse but effective text - just the way I like 'em! It's a fat little tome, but a fast read. The premise is that this poor guy is down on his uppers, having been out of work for too long. He's a single dad, and it's his son's birthday and he can't even afford to buy him a cheap 99 cent pirate sword as a present.

The curious man who runs the toy stall makes him an offer: a cardboard box for 78 cents (which is all the guy has). Desperate for something, and knowing his son has the imagination to make a go even of this pathetic gift, the guy buys it and takes it home, much to the amusement off his rich and snotty neighbor. The guy at the toy stall made the down-and-out dad swear to obey only two rules: he cannot come back and ask for more cardboard, and he must return all the scraps he doesn't use when he's done building whatever he builds from the box.

The guy and his son build a life-size model of a boxer, and overnight, it comes to life. Surprised but largely unfazed by this, the two of them adopt the boxer guy, and he starts giving boxing lessons to the son. One day, while having fun with this outside, the two are approached by the snotty neighbor's kid and his pink-eyed friend. They claim to be fascinated, and that they want to do an experiment, whereupon they begin squirting the cardboard boxer with water, causing his legs to buckle.

The boxer guy is now in dire straits - dying, it looks like. The kid's dad decides there might be one way to fix him. Unable to get more cardboard from the guy at the toy stall (rule #1!), the dad comes up with a plan: using a couple of remaining scraps of cardboard, the dad makes a cardboard-making machine, and produces enough pieces to fix the boxer's legs. It's touch and go, but he does recover.

Seeing the boxer guy is whole again, the snotty neighbor's kid, feigning contrition and interest, manages to steal the cardboard-making machine and employs it to create a whole bunch of "monsters" which he plans on using to do all his chores, but the monsters rebel and start tearing down his home to make a monster city of their own. No longer king of his own creations, the snotty kid and his innocent neighbor become hunted, and even begin bonding as they desperately seek to escape the monsters hunting them.

Outcast by Robert Kirkman

Title: Outcast
Author: Robert Kirkman
Publisher: Image Comics
Rating: WARTY!

Illustrated by Paul Azaceta and Elizabeth Breitweiser

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

I didn’t like this graphic novel. There was really nothing here for me to like. The story is by the same author who wrote the Walking Dead, so it’s hardly surprising that he came up with what amounts to the walking demonized. It’s really the same story. People, evidently randomly, are possessed by demons and turn into flesh-eating, bloody-mouthed zombies (for all practical purposes). Kyle Barnes is able to exorcise these demons. He teams up with a pastor and they set about doing the work that their god really ought to be doing if he existed.

It’s never made sense to me that it’s always up to us – no god has ever stepped in to lend a hand. It’s the same in this story. And the same, and the same again, since every time someone is possessed, we get the same story of Kyle and Pastor Pal tossing the demon out. Over and over with really no variation. The artwork was pretty decent if you like your artwork bloody and with a side of garden-fresh gore, but the story was really non-existent, which probably means it has what it takes to get made into a TV show….

Kyle’s wife left him and took their child, and won’t let Kyle get a look in. The police suspect him of abusing children because he forces demons out of them (which can leave a burn mark), but they can’t prosecute because no one will turn him in – not when he’s freed their loved one of an evil spirit. Kyle is depressed and the writer depresses us in turn by telling us just how depressingly depressed he is. I grew tired of reading same ol’ same ol’ over and over with very little variety.

Kyle’s endless flashbacks didn’t help at all (unless they’re done really well – and are truly necessary to the story – flashbacks as such are worthless for all intents and purposes), but they did provide some relief from the monotony of yet another exorcism. Plus Kyle was abused by his mother rather than his father, so that was a bit different, I admit, and I loved the double meaning in the title.

The story is set in West Virginia (that’s the largely virgin territory just west of Virginia…), so you’d think there would be something better to possess people with – how about coal creatures? Anthracite attacks? Some bitchin’ bitumen? No, it’s just demons. Why they’re doing it? Unexplained. How they’re doing it? Unexplained. What they hope to achieve? Unexplained. What Satan gets out of all this? Unexplained. Why God is asleep at the wheel here? Unexplained. So, not a lot of substance or plot. Maybe that comes in volume two?

Starlight: The Return of Duke McQueen by Mark Millar

Title: Starlight: The Return of Duke McQueen
Author: Mark Millar
Publisher: Image Comics
Rating: WORTHY!

Illustrated by Goran Parlov
Colors Ive Svorcina
Letters Marko Sunjic

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

This graphic novel feels like a sequel, but I don't know if there was an actual previous volume or if it's just written that way - suggestive of a previous life which was not actually published. Either way I sure as heck isn't hell haven't read it. It's written and illustrated very much like a comic from the fifties, complete with bulbous, needle-nosed rocket ships and goldfish bowl space helmets, so you have to take everything with a pinch of sodium chloride.

I liked that this story started out differently. Yeah, it's a traditionally-illustrated traditional comic with traditionally-objectified women, but that's only a part of it. The story begins with a aging Air-Force Captain Duke McQueen, his glory days behind him Now he's gray-haired and has lost his wife to cancer.

He lives alone, his sons and daughter getting on with their own lives and not having much time for him. All he has is memories of his wife and haunting visions of his past life as an adventurer and hero - which no one here on Earth believes. His story of flying his jet through a wormhole and landing on Tantalus, a planet technologically advanced way beyond Earth, and saving the planet are the delusional ramblings of a man who's launch-vehicle doesn't exactly go all the way into orbit as far as his fellow human-beings are concerned. Maybe he half disbelieves it himself, until a kid shows up in a space-craft from that self-same planet asking for his help - again!

The wormhole through which Duke returned closed-up. Another one wasn't expected for many thousands of years, which is why Duke left - he had to get back to "his" girl. Now the Tantalans have developed technology to create their own wormholes, but Tantalus has been invaded by hostile aliens from a nearby world. The Tantalans have been at peace for forty years and evidently forgotten how to fight (yeah, right!), and of course, Duke McQueen is the only person who can save them!

So yeah, complete flaccid plot, but it's that kind of a 1950's style story, reminiscent of the 1950's sci-fi B pictures, where you have to go with the flow or reject it. I liked it enough, despite the alien kid with the manga hair, to go with it. Despite being sixty-two years old and a smoker, Duke puts on his super-hero suit with the buccaneer boots and goes once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more, or close the wall up with our alien dead!

The bad guy, in true fifties tradition, has horns sticking out either side of his headdress, and he has a goatee and pointed shoulders on his long cloak - and he has a henchman! If you stick your tongue firmly in your cheek as the writer evidently did, and if you don't mind a 'pit of doom' stolen from 300 (which in turn stole it from Star Wars), and you're willing to allow for a cartoon-ish level of invulnerability and success on the part of our hero, and you like your heroes barrel-chested, bull-necked, and cleft-of-chin, then this is a worthy romp. I liked it!

The Executioner's Daughter by Jane Hardstaff

Title: The Executioner's Daughter
Author: Jane Hardstaff (no website found)
Publisher: Egmont
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

Note: Not to be confused with The Executioner's Daughter by Laura E Williams (which I haven't read), not with The Executioner's Beautiful Daughter by Angela Carter (which I also haven't read), nor with The Executioner's Daughter by Miguel Conner (which I also haven't read). Note also that this novel has a sequel, River Daughter, which I haven't read either. Shame on me! What's wrong with me - all these novels I haven't read?!

This story is quite a bit different from a lot of what I've been reading lately, and it was as welcome as it was a charming read. It's 1532 (that's just after three-thirty for those of you not familiar with military time), and Henry 8.0 is on the throne of England. Young Moss is the daughter of the executioner at the Tower of London. Moss's job is to catch the heads of the beheaded in her little wicker basket when they fall off. She quite good at it, but she hates her life, and her father's job.

One day she learns from him that he's been lying to her about why they never leave the Tower! Moss is furious at this revelation. She's been held prisoner just as effectively as enemies of the state, and none of it was necessary. It turns out that her dad is hiding her from someone who is apparently coming to claim her on her upcoming birthday. The Tower, he believes, despite the fact that it's right on the banks of the Thames, is the only safe place safe for her. Yeah, that plot-point is a bit thin, but the story-telling was so good that I was willing to forgive the author this - and her portrayal of the Thames freezing over that winter (it didn't!). The Thames froze - or partially froze - in 1514 and 1537, but not 1532-3.

Moss, in her wanderings around her 'home' has found a secret route that leads outside, away from the eyes of the Tower guards. Now she takes to it with a vengeance, abandoning her father and eventually ending up with a guy who ferries people across the Thames for a coin here and there. He's also a scam artist who puts himself first and foremost, and Moss becomes very disillusioned with him. She strikes out on her own one frozen night determined to find the place where her mother gave birth to her.

Is the inexperienced Moss going to survive alone on one of the coldest nights of the winter? Will she find what she seeks? And what, exactly, is it she thinks she's been seeing following her around, but forever staying below the unforgiving waters of the great river, and snaking beneath the impassive ice? I'm not going to tell you!

This novel was very well written, original, entertaining and engrossing. I kept getting back to it every chance I got and it was a fast read. Most enjoyable. The only problem I had with it was in the Kindle, where every instance of "fi" was replaced by the letter À and every instance of "fl" was replaced by the letter Á. You can see an example of it in the illustration on my blog, where the offenders have been underlined in red. I did not have this same problem in Adobe Digital Editions or in Bluefire Reader on the iPad.

Despite that annoyance, I was able to read and enjoy it without any real problems (please note that this was an advance review copy and not a regularly purchased copy, so the problem may well have been fixed in the commercial version). I recommend this novel, and I am definitely interested in reading more by this author.

The Adventures of Basil and Moebius by Ryan Schifrin and Larry Hama

Title: The Adventures of Basil and Moebius
Author: Ryan Schifrin
Author: Larry Hama
Publisher: Magnetic Press
Rating: WARTY!

Illustrated by Rey Villegas, Lizzy John, Novo Malgapo, and Adam Archer.
Lettered Dave Sharpe and Ed Dukeshire

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

Alaric Moebius and Basil Fox (a take on Basil Brush maybe?!) are two adventurers. Moebius is, by his own admission, a cat burglar (no, he doesn't steal cats, he climbs around buildings like a cat and steals valuables). Fox is supposedly a British soldier from the Special Air Services (SAS), although in the second of the three stories combined in this volume he's shown as a Grenadier Guard, guarding Buckingham palace. This seems highly unlikely. He's either one or the other, not both. Either one of which isn't going to give him laissez faire to sneak out at night and gallivant around London. This was one of a number of errors in authenticity in this fiction.

No one in Britain calls cops 'Peelers'. And they don't routinely carry guns (now if this had been set in Northern Ireland that might have been a different matter, but Scotland? No!). 'Peelers' is really an Irish name coined after Sir Robert Peel formed the Metropolitan Police Force in London in 1829. The more common name in use (again from Peel's name) was 'Bobbies', but they're more likely called simply 'cops' these days.

The cops are drawn authentically, but the cars they use are not. Metro cars are highly colorful, not plain white. This kind of thing tends to be a problem when Americans try to write a Brit story. We get odd conjugations of slang, way-the-hell too much supposedly 'Cockney rhyming slang', and oddball mash-up phrases joining Americanisms with Brit-isms. In this particular case, we got interesting statements like: "So what's the heist, Guv?" and "...beat the ever-lovin' shite...". Maybe non-Brit readers will love this, but Brits will likely be irritated by it at best.

There was a notable number of these things, including some really weird ones. For example, at one point, one of the characters, in process of shutting-up Alaric before he can expose this guy, says, "...I know just the place to keep him until the gendarmerie arrives." I have no idea whatsoever where that out-of-left-field comment came from! The guy is supposedly Israeli, not French, so why an Israeli would talk about French police in Scotland is a complete mystery - unless, of course he actually was French and this is a ham-fisted way to out him to the reader, but he'd have to be pretty stupid to make a gaff like that - and this wasn't the case anyway.

There's also some gun-play going on here, which is not unknown even in Britain, but which is also relatively rare there. The point here isn't that it was depicted, but that no one was at all shocked by it when one character shot another - and in the back, too. No one batted an eyelid. I found that beyond belief. Even in the US, something like this would have been remarked upon, or there would have been expressions of shock or dismay, yet in Scotland - nothing! It didn't feel authentic to me. On the positive side, the writers/artists did know what a portcullis and an oubliette were, so it's not all negative (just to be fair!).

I have to say at one point that I enlarged the image in Adobe Digital Editions to verify the spelling of a mis-used word (the writers apparently used "blimmin' " when it actually should have been 'blooming' or that rendered as "blummin' ". That wasn't the real problem. When I returned the page to normal 1:1 size, it lost all page integrity, so that when I clicked the down bar or pressed 'page down', instead of moving down one entire page, it moved only partial pages, making for a really annoying reading experience. Closing the ebook and re-opening didn't fix it; neither did opening the app to full-screen and then returning it to regular size, and neither did closing the entire application before re-opening it and then re-opening the book. The only way to work it from that point on was to sequentially type in the novel's page numbers to move to the next whole page, which was annoying! I think this is an issue with ADE though, not with this particular graphic novel.

The most off-putting thing about the novel, and the real reason why I'm not rating it as a worthy read, is that neither Alaric nor Basil were at all appealing. I didn't even like, much less admire or envy either of them. I didn't appreciate their attitude or their behavior, and they did nothing to endear me to them. They were essentially a pair of louts who had no interests in life other than thievery and blowing their ill-gotten gains on drink and partying. To some people that might represent entertainment, but it doesn't to me. Why would I want to read about a pair of thugs like these guys? I gave up after the second of the three stories in this volume. I have no interest in following these low-lifes any more. Your mileage may differ.

The Clockwork Scarab by Colleen Gleason

Title: The Clockwork Scarab
Author: Colleen Gleason
Publisher: Chronicle Books
Rating: WARTY!

Note: this is not to be confused with The Clockwork Scarab by David Lantz (which I have not read).

Some opening issues to ponder: is drassy really a word! Maybe dressy! Not drassy. But that's a minor issue compared with this conundrum: Should the phrase be "There is a limited number" or should it be "There are a limited number"? I go with the first, but there are people who argue for the second, so I'm not going to get into this. I'll leave it for you guys to fight over!

I gave this novel the old college try, but I didn't like it. It's a YA novel but it felt to me like it was written at middle grade level with adult word choices! Hmm! The novel presents as a steam-punk wannabe (it's set in London in 1889), but it's really a paranormal romance.

It's also the increasingly inevitable first in the increasingly inevitable series. I mean why write one novel when you can rework the same story over and over, and get a whole series, instead of having to do the work of coming up with something brand new each time? Seriously, if you can find suckers who will buy it, where's the incentive to give more or do better? What it translates to, in effect, is that this whole novel was nothing more than a massive prologue. I don't do prologues. Nothing happens, nothing is resolved. What's the point?

So, Evaline Stoker and Alvermina Holmes, the nieces or whatever, of Bram Stoker and Sherlock Holmes. Yeah, bin there dun that. The problem here is that neither character is remotely likable. Stoker could have been - had she not been so ready to get jiggy with a disrespectful guy she just met and knew nothing about. Holmes is - how did Professor Snape put it? Oh yes: an insufferable know-it-all. Nothing to like here. Both characters sounded pretty much the same in each of their own chapters.

I knew I was going to be punished for wanting to like this steam-punk novel the minute I read that one character had amber flecks in his eyes. This was a guy about whom the author was sharply rapping us on the head to make sure we got the telegraph that Alvermina had the hots for him. The trope is gold flecks, so I don't know if the author thought there was something new, or fresh, or original in going for amber, or if she had read so little YA that she didn't know what a massive and very tired cliché that is.

I was hoping this didn't signal a down-turn in the novel to match the down-turn in my mouth, but I was robbed of that hope very shortly afterwards, when the other main female character, Evaline (sounds like a brand of motor oil doesn't it?) was literally man-handled by a character and didn't even whisper a complaint. She was too busy swooning. Be still my fluttering heart! Oh how my delicate skin is flushed! Oh how moist is my valley!

Of course the standard cliché male was strong and broad-chested, had a stalker's knowledge of her, and had no idea what the term 'personal space' means. Of course he gave every indication that he was lower class, but gave every other indication that there was more to him than met the eye. And suddenly, you're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of stomach and churn, but of gag; a journey into a nauseous land whose boundaries are that of a complete lack of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead; your next stop: the Promethazone.

Why do authors do this to readers? Especially: why do female authors do this to their female characters? Here we have two characters who hold the promise of being strong, engaging, significant female characters, and who are already fighting against stereotyping in a Victorian era, and what does the author do to them? Rapes them. Forcibly stereotypes them. Demeans them. Belittles them. Makes them dependent upon a man even as we're told - not shown, but told - how strong, independent, and smart they're supposed to be.

I actively dis-recommend this cynical and exploitative excuse for a story.

Gronk 2 by Katie Cook

Title: Gronk 2
Author: Katie Cook
Publisher: Action Lab Entertainment
Rating: WORTHY!

Charmingly illustrated by Katie Cook.

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

Here we are with volume two of Gronk, volume one of which I favorably reviewed in January 2015. If you liked that one as I did, then you will undoubtedly love this one since it's more of the same kind of thing but different. Just like the first graphic novel in this series, it skirted dangerously along the border of being too sweet for consumption, but for me it never drifted over the line enough to turn me off. The comic has its own website, so you can try it yourself before you buy.

Gronk is green and cute, and far too sweet and pleasantly-dispositioned to actually be a monster. She's left her own world and found her way into the author's, where she's rapidly adopted, joining the author, who lives in a rather isolated Canadian cabin with her pet cat and pet dog (who is more of a 'monster' than ever Gronk is). I loved how mischievous Gronk is, and unintentionally troublesome.

Gronk is into everything, and this causes all manner of issues, but it always works out in the end. We learn about Gronk's desire to own an iPad, a visitation from a pug dog and the ensuing fun, Gronk's discovery of 'one-click' ordering, the benefits of snuggle blankets and so on.

I have to say that this volume started off a little slowly for me and I was wondering if I was going to like it, but it didn't take long before I started feeling much warmer towards it as each page slid by. The comic is loaded with pop culture references, doubtlessly some of which I missed. It was replete with Harry Potter references, which seem rather dated these days, but I have to say that Dale makes a really cute Hermione Granger! I recommend this comic.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Ghostbusters by Erik Burnham

Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Ghostbusters
Author: Erik Burnham
Publisher: IDW Publishing
Rating: WORTHY!

Very ably illustrated by Dan Schoening

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

I have to say up front that I'm not a TMNT fan and neither am I a Ghostbusters fan, but this comic seemed like such a bizarre mix of characters that I couldn't help but want to take a look at it. As it happened, I thought it was just fine. It was beautifully drawn and colored, and the dialog wasn't bad at all. The adventure was fun and sensible (within its framework) and it was an all-around great comic. Added bonus - although women are way under-represented in both of these franchises, the women depicted here actually looked like real women (within the confines of graphic novel illustration!). There were no ridiculous body proportions, so that was welcome.

The Turtles are being experimented on once again as a new teleportation device is being tested. They think they're going to pay a surprise visit to their mentor, but end up in a parallel New York City - home of the Ghostbusters, and inevitably, the two teams encounter each other, both tracking down the same phenomenon.

It was actually quite fun to see how they interacted and got along (or didn't initially) and how they eventually realized they had a common enemy and began discovering ways to work together to bring this foe to book. The antique Japanese foe wasn't exactly very threatening as it happened. It felt like he was there more as a place-holder to allow the two teams to bond rather than that he was actually capable of any serious villainy, and the banter could have been funnier. I saw the original Ghostbusters movie (last Halloween actually at a dinner movie theater, and Venkman was way more amusing there than he was here. of course, it was Bill Murray.

Of course the villain is dispatched and the good guys triumph, and the Turtles are returned to their own dimension. None of that was ever in doubt, so the only question here was how well it was delivered, and it wasn't brilliant but it was, in my opinion well done and a worthy read.

Resonance by Chris Dolley

Title: Resonance
Author: Chris Dolley
Publisher: Book View Cafe
Rating: WORTHY!

This is that one in a dozen books that makes the other eleven worth trudging through - because you know that somewhere in that doubtful dozen there's one like this just waiting to be found and enjoyed - and loved. Even if it creeps you out as you read it.

Graham Smith is the main protagonist (and bless the author for not making this first person PoV which would have ruined it). He works in the mail room in a government office in London and for all the world looks like your everyday ordinary OCD guy. But he's not, as we soon find out. There's a rational reason for Graham to do his obsessive observation of things and positioning of items, and his tightly-focused counting of paving stones on the way down his street - because the night we follow him home, his key won't unlock the door - not even after he's followed his ritual.

He's at the wrong house, and this isn’t anywhere nearly as unexpected to him as it is to me and you. He finds a note he wrote to himself in his pocket - it tells him of his new address, which is really his old address - the one he lived at six months before. When he goes there, his key fits and his home is exactly the way he thinks it should be. Once again, the world has unraveled for him.

This unraveling seems to occur often. His mom and dad disappear and reappear, his home changes places and/or becomes 'unexpectedly' redecorated. Books on his shelves disappear or reappear. The only constant is Graham himself. He never changes - he remembers how things used to be and he writes extensive notes to remind himself of what’s what. Sometimes it’s only those which keep him sane. Graham has had so many instances of saying the wrong thing that he's become all but mute, because he doesn’t want to ask any more about someone's parents who now don’t exist (or are still alive), or about a child or a pet.

Imagine how disturbed he is then to discover a girl watching him one day. He's never seen her before, but now it’s like he sees her often. One night she saves him from someone who is following him in a car, but the next time he meets her, her hair is different, she's a different age, and she disappears again. A third one, different again, but the same girl, the same age, shows up. This girl says she's psychic, and can get in touch with the spirits, but there are two hundred of those, and they're all named Annalise - the same as she is.

Intrigued yet? I was gone long before this, and by that I mean completely absorbed by this story about a world which doesn't seem to be able to absorb Graham. Even as I read and admired it, I kicked myself routinely for not thinking of it first. The story was so endearing and fascinating. Until Graham's mom reappears, but looking nothing like Graham remembers. Then it got a wee bit scary. You see, all the pictures Graham had of his mom were pictures of this new woman, and he was absolutely convinced that she wasn't his mom at all.

As much as I love this novel, I have to point out some flaws in it. In a novel like this, which digs heavily into scientific concepts, there are inevitable problems either because the author doesn’t understand science, or because they're trying to hard to make it sound scientific and simply end-up having to paper over significant cracks in it, hoping that readers don’t understand enough science to catch them out.

I think it’s a mistake, even for a writer who actually is a scientist, to try to nail down their fictional concept by larding it with two much of an explanation in an effort to make it sound scientific. I can’t speak for other readers, but I don't require that writers come-up with some new scientific precept to base their novel on. In fact, I prefer it if they don’t, because they inevitably end-up sounding like an idiot. Just wave your hand at something scientific and move on. I'm good with that. This is fiction, for goodness sake! It doesn't need to be completely rationalized in all aspects or justified up the wazoo.

The two main problems I encountered here are for one, the creationist nonsense that there hasn’t been enough time for mutations to do the work of evolution. BULLSHIT! There's been almost four billion years! Bacteria and viruses had three billion years to experiment with mutations and new genes before anything more complex came onto the scene. With some exceptions, pretty much everything since then has been merely tinkering and tweaking.

The second issue is the Single Gene Theory (to give it a Kennedy-esque conspiracy aura!). This is a popular idea in fiction, and it holds that one gene equals one magical trait. Yes, in some limited cases, one gene does equal one trait, but by far the norm is that a series of gene networks is responsible for exactly who we are and how we function, not any single gene, so when the author began ranting about an experimental "telepathy gene" in chapter 37, I felt slightly nauseated to say the least.

There was a similar feeling engendered in me when the novel turned to the inevitable discussion of parallel worlds. Parallel universes, believe it or not, are an inevitable outcome of the mathematics which help explain this universe in which we live. They're not a invention, as creationists like to lie, developed to explain a god away. Whether they're like what popular fiction portrays or something else entirely is another issue. What tripped my BS alert however, was when the author had a character talk about how there could be an infinite number of parallel worlds, yet this character baulked at the idea that some of the worlds could be so close as to be almost the same! I think he needs to seriously ponder the true dimensions of infinity!

We also got that old saw that we don’t use 100% of our brain. I see this a lot in fiction, and it’s complete nonsense. We don't typically use all of our brain at the same time, but rest assured we do use all of it. The brain is a very expensive organ in terms of energy requirements. Evolution would never have been able to develop such an organ were the bulk of it unemployed.

That aside, I loved this story and became addicted to reading it. And there were, I confess, moments of unexpected humor, such as when a character tells us that "...most worlds are more advanced than us…", but we're an average world? I know average isn't the same as median, but seriously? How can it be average if the bulk is greater? That's the same as saying that the average of 1,2,3,4,5, is one!

But a few gripes aside, this, for me was about as close as you can realistically get to writing a perfect novel. It was brilliant and beautiful, with motivated, interesting characters and lots of action. It had edge-of-your-seat moments and daring escapes, it had fun and intrigue, and it had a really kick-ass strong female character who was a full and equal participant in events, in addition to having an intriguing and captivating male lead (who wasn't even named Jack!)

I'm fully on-board with this and I'm looking towards getting my hands on Chris Dolley's entire oeuvre at this point.

Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt

Title: Tuck Everlasting
Author: Natalie Babbitt
Publisher: Recorded Books
Rating: WARTY!

Ably read by Barbara Caruso.

When I first heard of this title, it was confusing to me because 'tuck' or 'tucker' in England and Australia, means food. Was this a story about the 'horn o' plenty' I wondered? But no, it simply means that the Tuck family is everlasting! Ever since then I've been intending to at least watch the movie if not read the story, but I never got around to either until now. Having listened to about two-thirds of the audio book, ably read by Barbara Caruso, I have to announce that I was not impressed.

This rather short story is about Winnie Foster who, when we meet her, is contemplating and discussing (with a nearby toad, who frankly seems rather reticent about venting an opinion) her desire to run away. Soon after this, in the middle of a small wooded area (which her family owns) near her home, she meets a boy who is enjoying the water from a spring which runs out from under a youthful-looking tree. Jesse, the boy, refuses to let Winnie have a drink.

As a mysterious man in a yellow suit appears in the area, asking questions, Winnie learns why she wasn't allowed to drink. The water is a fountain of youth, and if she drunk one drop, or even drank one drip, but not if she was drenched with one droop, she would be forever preserved at the age of ten, never growing old, incapable of dying. Jesse tells her that if she waits seven years and drinks then, she and he can be married and travel the world together forever. Winnie eventually dismisses this idea, grows old and dies (I am not making this up - Natalie Babbitt is!)

I gave up on this about two-thirds in because it was boring the living waters out of me. One of the biggest problems was Jesse's proposal. Jesse only appeared to be seventeen, In reality, he was, I don’t know, in his eighties or something? It’s a bit vague - at least in the part to which I listened. But he was, at any rate, considerably older than Winnie. This is a common problem - common these days in vampire stories - where writers stupidly think that if a person looks like they’re a teenager, then they must have the mentality of a teenager and behave just like a teen, longing for other teens, both socially and amorously, regardless of how long they've actually been living.

It’s moronic and makes those writers look like idiots. Other than Charlie Chaplin, what rational, intelligent eighty-year-old would actually want to marry a seventeen-year old who, smart and personable as a seventeen-year-old might be, has done very little living, has little experience of the world, has a fundamentally different mindset, and has so much maturing and growing to do? With some charming exceptions, teenagers are essentially as well as legally juvenile and not really that appealing to older people - except perhaps on a purely sexual level, so eww!

That aside aside, the story wasn't that well written, and the plot was trite and predictable, so I can’t recommend this one.

Spying in High Heels by Gemma Halliday

Title: Spying in High Heels
Author: Gemma Halliday
Publisher: CreateSpace Publishing
Rating: WARTY!

Hopefully this isn't book one in the "Spying in High Heels" series, because why write one novel when you can milk the same story for several? Once in a while, a writer makes it work, but more often than not, not. Hopefully this is a one-off (I was wrong - this is one of a series, unfortunately).

The ebook for this has a page listing reviews complimentary of the book. I don't get this. If it's an ebook, you're not perusing it in the library or the bookstore, considering purchasing it, you already have it. What is the point of trying to sell you a book which you already have? Seriously, how dumb is that? And how dumb do they publishers think we are to be swayed by the opinion of someone we don't even know? I often find I do not enjoy a book which was recommended to me by someone I know and whose opinion I typically value, so what makes these people think I'll be blindly swayed by an opinion of someone who I have no reason to rely on?! I've never understood that mentality. It's cynical at best and moronic at worst.

That gripe aside, this novel sounded tempting from the blurb, but his means the commercial did its job - it lured me in. I have always felt there's a place for a 'girlie' spy or detective novel - where the superficially highly feminine main character turns out to be tough and smart underneath her misleading exterior. I have yet to find such a novel. I'm actually in process of planning my own to fill that void.

In this case, the woman, Maddie Springer isn't even a detective. She's a brand-name obsessed children's shoe designer who's dating a high-priced lawyer, Richard Howe, who evidently finds himself on the wrong side of the law and disappears without warning or trace. His girlfriend (Maddie) - for reasons unexplained and sans motive - starts to get involved in finding out what happened instead of leaving it to the police and the FBI.

There is neither valid nor credible reason given for her obsessive involvement. Yes, on the one hand, it's great to have a proactive female character instead of one who sits and weeps inconsolably for her lost love, but no, it fails when you make your character do dumb stuff which serves no apparent purpose other than to throw her into the arms of her designated beau, and in the process makes her look like a busy-body at best, and a moron at worst.

This is supposed to be a mystery, but all mystery fled the premises when her love interest showed up. No, Richard is not her love interest. That's a lie. Her love interest is Los Angeles Police Detective Jack Ramirez, who appears (and transparently so) to be a bad guy at first blush. From the very first page he appeared on, it was glaringly obvious that she was going to ditch yesterday's love of her life and end up in bed with this rough-looking, tanned, muscled, tall and handsome guy, who merely looked like a villain. It was so obvious that it was as painful as it was pathetic and predictable.

Gone from that point onwards was any motivation on her part for becoming involved in finding out about Richard, because it was so glaringly obvious that he would be a bad guy or dead, or on the out for some other reason before this novel was over and she would be done with him. It was starkly apparent that she would be deeply enveloped in the strong, protective arms of this new guy. Kiss-off any idea or hope of her proving to be a tough, smart, independent operator. Nope, she was immediately transmogrified, from that very page, into a maiden in distress, and this novel lost all allure for me. I refuse to recommend it.

Talented by Sophie Davis

Title: Talented
Author: Sophie Davis
Publisher: CreateSpace Publishing
Rating: WARTY!

This is book one in the "Talented saga", which runs to at least four books, because why write one novel when you can milk the same story for several? Once in a while, a writer makes it work, but this once was not that once, unfortunately. Normally I make it a point to avoid like the plague any book series which contains the word 'chronicles', or 'cycle', or 'saga' in its series title. In this case I made an exception because the blurb did its job - it lured me in. I sincerely hoped I wouldn't read to regret it, but I did!

The book, yet another in an annoyingly endless series of YA novels which for reasons unknown insist upon first person PoV, opens in a village known as Hunters Village where sleeps Natalia (Talia, Tal) in the pretentiously named 'Elite Headquarters' - yes with initial caps! I sincerely hope she doesn't really look like the anorexic girl preening herself on the cover....

Despite supposedly having to be ready on a moment's notice in case of attack, Talia sleeps in her PJs, bless her little cotton socks. She apparently has serious trouble breathing too, because when the attack siren goes off in the middle of the night, all she can do is stand around in her PJs telling herself repeatedly to breathe (yes in italics!). Funny, I thought breathing was an autonomous function....

Apparently the juvenile powers that be-otch have the idea that training consists of failing to train, and then scaring people out of bed with false alarms while they themselves sit around and laugh at the ensuing antics. Yep, adolescent juvenile dick-heads are the ones I'd trust to protect and serve. Talking of which, where are the adult operatives? I know this is a YA novel, but one of the things not explained here is why children are called upon to run these operations when there have to be trained and seasoned grown-ups available. It was one more unexplained mystery (at least in the portion I read).

Talia has psychic powers consisting of, we immediately learn, mind reading and telekinetics. She can suspend the "bombs" (in this case nothing more than neon tinted water in balloons), but she fails to do this successfully. She gets distracted by reading the mind of one of the organizers of this laugh-a-thon, and discovers from boyfriend Donavon that it's all a big joke. Such a joke is it that he and two male friends then come and physically haul Talia out of bed where she retreated in anger, welcoming her to Hunters Pledging (yes, 'pledging' with initial caps). I guess puerile moronic college bullshit hasn't changed in two hundred years.

It's obvious as soon as his name is mentioned that Donavon and Talia are an item, but it's also transparent that there's heaps of room for a triangle here. Donovan is the loyal good guy so let's kick him in the teeth by having Talia fall in love with one of the enemy, who is a bad boy with hair falling in his eyes. I have no way of knowing if that actually happened, but I would have put money on it based on this clichéd writing.

Frankly, though, rather than learn about how tall the boys are, and what color their eyes are, and what length their hair is, and how much they weigh, I'd much rather have been told what the heck is going on, who the hunters actually are (we learn in chapter four that they're 'spies'), what they do (gather information and "neutralize" threats), and who might be bombing them (rebels). Alas, the author doesn't want us to know, because that's not what this grade-school level novel was interested in conveying at this point. I don't know the precise age of the characters, but trust me, middle-grade is what they are, regardless of their actual ages.

One thing I don't get was Talia's whining, needy attitude towards Donovan. They'd had to spend a year apart, but these two can read each other's mind. That's far more intimacy than any of us ordinary humans get, yet she's whining about how hard it was to spend a year apart from him, only able to visit on holidays and special weekends! Since everything, even physical touch, is ultimately experienced in the mind, how did their separation constitute being deprived pray tell?!

I guess I should be careful what I wish for because chapter two brought a huge info-dump which actually conveyed very little. Apparently, a century before, for reasons unspecified, Earth went just plain nuts. There were earthquakes and tsunamis, hurricanes and tornadoes, cities were destroyed, and coastal villages washed away. That wasn't even the worst of it. Nuclear reactors "buried deep in the Earth's surface" also went nuts and contaminated the oceans. Exactly how that happened is not specified. What the reactors were for isn't specified. Why they were buried isn't specified. Why we had reactors when current move is away from that kind of thing and towards solar, wind, and hydro-power isn't specified.

We're told that Margaret McDonough, the founder of the school for the talented, which Talia attended, was the 75th US president, and that we are at least three to five generations along from her presidency, which means that the time-line of this story is completely screwed up! She founded her school for the "talented" before there actually were any talented! She must have been a visionary!

This story is taking place somewhere between roughly around 2200AD and 2300AD, depending upon how long each president's term was between Obama, the 44th president, and McDonough, and how long you allow for a generation, so the buried nuclear power plants makes very little sense.

From the highly improbable the info-dump went directly into the ludicrous as we were told that animal mutations arose, such as horses growing horns and dogs growing feathers. No word on whether pigs could fly. Trees grew stinging bark, and plants glowed at night! I laughed out loud at that stupidity. Evidently she wasn't kept in the dark but she was barking up the wrong tree. This is yet another example of an author who evidently didn't pay anywhere near enough attention in high school biology class, particularly in the portions discussing evolution and genetics, and it shows in this lousy writing.

These descriptions are only made worse as we learn in this info-dump that as contamination was fought, these 'talents' began to disappear. So how were these talents manifested if not genetically, and if they were genetic, then how come they were not passed on to offspring? Were all mutations beneficial? Were there no horrible death tolls as children were born with life-threatening mutations? None of this made any sense.

It would have been better had the author only vaguely alluded to a horrible, dim, distant, and largely obscured past without trying to actually explain it, especially since we're told that scientists couldn't figure out what it was which made some children different, but all were agreed that it was because of nuclear contamination? I'm sorry, but this is fanfic-level bullshit.

Right out of the X-Men play-book, we're told that children developed in a way very different from animals for no apparent reason. Unlike those feathered dogs and stinging trees, human children developed X-Men talents such as the ability to morph into an animal shape. We're told they developed other talents, too, such as telekinesis, but also "viewing" and "higher reasoning". Don't nearly all humans have higher reasoning? I know for a fact that most of us can see! Can the author not at least look-up the correct words for these things so we know what it actually is that she means?!

These kinds of talents make no sense, when you get right down to it. Or alternately, this kind of story featuring talents like these makes no sense. If you have people who can read minds, why would you need a spy agency and an information recovery team? More importantly, if the world, as we've been told, has been quite literally devastated, then what threats are there to worry about other than the ones nature itself presents? Is there still a low-level cold war, with the communist nations at odds with the non-communist? I don't see how that would work after all this devastation. Is there still a terrorist threat? I don't think so! So what threats are there? This story just didn't seem like it had been at all well thought-through - or actually thought through at all.

We're expected to buy in 'explanation' that the US has split: Arizona, California, Colorado, Nevada, New Mexico, and Texas, we're told, seceded to form the Coalition of Rebel States. How, exactly, this happened in a functioning democracy, isn't explained. Why those particular states, isn't explained. How the states managed to do this, and conduct terrorist raids, slaughtering people over the border (including Talia's parents) isn't explained. Why the rest of the states didn't simply invade the rebel states isn't explained.

Back to the story in regress: after a night spent sleeping under the stars, Donavon wakes Talia up for a late breakfast before training resumes later than day. He pulls a Thermos out of a cooler, and then warms it in a fire. Honestly? What is this guy - brain-dead? A Thermos means you intend to keep the contents either hot or cold. If you need it cold, as its being in the cooler indicates, why would you take it out and warm it? If you need it warm, why was it in the cooler? If you put a Thermos in a fire, it's going to explode. Maybe Donavon was conducting an impromptu IED class?

This novel is technically passably written - nothing brilliant but not disastrous either, yet there are some instances where the writing is highly questionable, such as around 22% - 23% in where we read, "The water run for several seconds…" which should have been, "The water ran for several seconds…". On the next screen we read, "...paying the consequences...". I don’t think anyone pays the consequences. I do think people face the consequences!

That whole section is where Talia wakes up after getting drunk the night before. Maybe the author was too? I have several issues with this hang-over, though. First of all, this is supposed to be an Elite (with initial cap!) group, yet they’re out partying and getting drunk? There's no problem with soldiers unwinding and having some R&R, but getting drunk? Note that this was shortly after they'd had the alarm at the start of this novel because they might be (I assume) attacked at any time? How are these people supposed to defend themselves if they’re drunk? How are they supposed to be combat-ready if they have a hangover?

This is made worse when Erik (yes with the official Divergent 'K') insists upon Talia coming with him to the med tent to get rehydrated, because Talia is merely a helpless and directionless girl who needs to be managed at all times by men. The problem is that when they get there, all she gets is a shot. That's not rehydration, that's a shot. Rehydration would mean an IV bag and laying on a cot for as long as it takes for the fluid to get into your system. So yeah, some of the writing was downright thoughtless or ill-informed.

Worse than this, though, was the diminishing of Talia at every turn. The above-related incident is only one example, but the very use of her name is another. Originally, her name was Natalia. It’s shortened to Talia which is kind of a cool name, but then her colleagues shorten it to Tal, and Erik (in the section discussed above) employs that in the form of "Tals". What are these people, thirteen years old? Every time they do this, they diminish the character. Instead of being a promising young woman, she's rendered into a child, to be managed and baby-talked, and this is not a good thing to do to your main character!

At one point Talia suggests that her new friend Penny message her so they can get together later. It’s written like this:

"Um sure. Why don't you send me a comm," I replied, referring to the messages we sent to each other using our communicators.

No, really? 'Send me a comm' means send me a message on the communicator? I'd never, ever, have figured that one out. See what I mean about it being written at a middle-grade level? It was actually at this point, where Donavon shows up again and acts like a complete jerk for no reason other than that the author wanted a rift so she could toss Erik and Tal together and generate a completely artificial triangle, that I gave up due to extreme nausea. I'm actually surprised I made it this far, but at 25% in, I decided that this novel was unreadable because it was so juvenile and so amateurishly written. I cannot recommend it.

Doll Face by Tim Curran

Title: Doll Face
Author: Tim Curran
Publisher: Dark Fuse
Rating: WARTY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

Erratum:
Page 133 "Roach Hotel" should be "Roach Motel"

With this novel, page one is the front cover, and the cover is better than the novel - but as usual, the cover doesn't honestly represent anything that happens between the covers. I've been seeing this (the cover is page one) a lot in books I've reviewed lately. This means that the novel doesn't start until page six, and runs to page 268, so roughly 260 pages all told. Some of them were really good!

This is my first experience of this author, Tim Curran, and of this publisher, Dark Fuse, and I have to say that my initial impression was that the first thirty pages were what makes it worth trudging through the really bad stuff to find a novel like this. It’s like working a month in a crappy factory job just so you save enough for that decent pair of pants you need. It’s like sweating on a treadmill every day for a week so you can enjoy that little piece of cheesecake you promised yourself. It’s like seeing your kids, fresh-faced, energetic and vital, after a lousy day at work. Unfortunately, that feeling didn't last.

Chazz Akely, Creep Rodgers, Danielle LeCarr, Lex Fontaine, Ramona Lake and Soo-Lee Chang are driving home after a night out. Chazz is drunk as a skunk on junk, but he flatly refused Ramona's sober offer to drive. He was that kind of a dick. He missed the turn-off and ended up in a pissant village named Stokes. A village that hasn’t existed for half a century. As they careered into town, a figure steps out in front of the van which naturally rolled right over it. When Ramona finally convinced Chazz to go look at what they'd just hit, he agreed only because the van had stalled and wouldn’t start, so he couldn't drive away.

What the six of them hit in that van was so bizarre that none of them could believe it. I don’t want to give any more details - which will make it hard to write a review! - because the story is creepy and to this point it was good. It was one of those which makes you want to turn one page after another without stopping until you get to the end, but after around page 100, it made me want to turn pages simply to get it over with. The characters are alive and full of life, but for how long?

What’s chasing them around crazy town is also alive, but really it’s not. And no, it’s not zombies, although those of you who like zombie stories will likely feel right at home here. I don’t like zombie stories, but this one engrossed me. Who wouldn’t feel it for six young people who are trapped in a nightmarish world which seems to defy not only the laws of logic, but even those of physics? Their world now is one from which there seems to be no exit and which seems to change its nature even as they stand watching in stark, terrified disbelief.

There were some instances of bad grammar, such as "So when do we started acting?" on page 79, but in general, at first, the writing was good, dramatic, and inviting to read. it started out like this was no dumb-ass bunch of teens running round doing stupid, thoughtless stuff in the face of a psycho killer. But they deteriorated quickly. Around page 100, the whole novel went into a slump from which it never recovered. It was, at that point through to the end, nothing but rehashed "horrific" situations - the same thing that had happened before - changed slightly - but essentially repeated over and over again, and it was outright boring.

Indeed, it was so bad that it became a comedy rather than horror, with characters being killed off one-by-one in a manner just like your standard teen horror B-grade movie. That was when I checked out. I found myself skimming paragraphs, then pages, then chapters because it was no longer interesting to me. Eventually, I said, "The hell with it!" and I skipped to the last twenty pages just to see if the ending was any good. It was predictable, if you want to call that good, but predictable in the way the teen B horror movies are predictable - with the same kind of twist ending. I can't recommend this unless you just want to read the just first 100 pages or so!

Pentecost by JF Penn

Title: Pentecost
Author: JF Penn
Publisher: CreateSpace Publishing
Rating: WARTY!

You'd think a novel with 'Pen' in the title penned by a writer whose last name is Penn would be a novel made in heaven, especially if it's about religious nut-jobs, but it wasn't to be. More like 4F.

This novel is about Morgan Sierra who is a psychologist resident in Oxford, England. She was, at one time, a soldier in the IDF - the Israeli Defence Force. When a stone is stolen from a nun who is murdered in Varanasi (aka Benares or Kashi) in India (I am not making this up!), this somehow connects to Morgan, and she becomes the target of Thanatos - a cult of the deludedly religious (OTOH, what religion isn't?!) who are evidently chasing after the 'stones of power'. Her involvement also brings in her sister and niece, who are kidnapped. Fortunately, this weak woman is saved by a trope macho military guy who happens to be a member of a secret society named 'ARKANE', especially not when his name is, absurdly, Jake Timber! Really?

I can't even remember how I got hold of this novel and it sat there for ages without me feeling any great urge to pick it up. I started it more than once, but I absolutely could not get into it. I don't like stories where the main female character is presented as tough and independent, but immediately needs a guy to rescue and validate her. I didn't read all of this by any means, so I can't speak for how it all panned out. Maybe things turned around, but I simply could not get into the novel at all, so I can't offer any sort of recommendation.

I don't see how a huge secret of 'power stones' (seriously?) would lay dormant for 2,000 years, so the underlying plot was farcical to me to begin with. Worse than that, there seemed to me to be nothing here but trope - the tough female, but motivated solely by 'female motivations' - her sister, her niece - her mothering instincts.

Not that there's anything wrong with that per se, but why is it that when a male hero is in play, his motivation is typically patriotism, duty, military loyalty, training, and bromance, but when a female becomes the main character, the criteria change completely? Can a woman not be patriotic? Can she not feel comradeship with her fellow men/women? Can she not be motivated by duty? Does it always have to be rescuing her mom/sister/niece/nephew/child? And vice-versa for the guy.

I think this is one of the strongest reasons why this was so tedious to me, and why it didn't pull me in or invest me with any interest in these people. They were, essentially, non-entities. It seems like the plot had a life of its own, and any random characters could have been plugged in to fill the character slots, so there was nothing special about the characters who happened to be attached. There really was nothing really new or notably original in the part that I read, and since the characters were unappealing, I found no point in continuing to read this and certainly no need to pursue an entire series about such pointless and uninteresting people.