Showing posts with label Michael Scott. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michael Scott. Show all posts

Thursday, August 6, 2020

The Alchemyst by Michael Scott

Rating: WORTHY!

This is the first of a series all of which I've read. Anyone who follows this blog (and I know there's one of you!) will know that I am down on series as opposed to down with series. They're almost universally disappointing, unimaginative, and downright boring, but once in a while one comes along that is different and has originality, and engages me throughout. This was one of those rarities. There are problems with it, but I enjoyed it despite those because it does have some interesting stories to tell and Michael Scott, for the most part, tells them well.

Sadly, he doesn't know what an archaeologist is, which is a problem since he likes to remind us that that the parents of the main two Characters, Sophie and Josh Newman, are archaeologists, when in fact they are paleontologists. Archaeologist don't go digging up fossils, which is what the parents do (so we're told in this novel). Paleontologists do that (among other things!).

The subtitle of the novel is "The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel," which has led some people to believe this novel is about him, but it's not. He's in it, but as the subtitle makes quite clear, it's about his secrets, not so much about him. So if you first learned of his name in Harry Potter, first of all, shame on you, and secondly, no, Michael Scott isn't Jo Rowling and this isn't Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. Don't expect it and you won't be disappointed. Besides, you're older now, and you should be demanding something more sophisticated! This book goes beyond that, into gods and goddesses from across the world, and as well as famous characters form history such as Flamel and Shakespeare, nearly all of whom seem to come from the same sort of historical era for some reason! There are osme form other time periods and not all of them make much sense, but this is fiction, remember?!

The basis of the novel is founded upon two things: a dangerous codex (note that it has to be a codex or a scroll - 'book' just doesn't have the oomph!) and twins with secret powers. Yes, Sophie and Josh are fraternal twins - why fraternal and not sororal? Pure genderism! But their twin-ness means they are important to the powers that be.

The main antagonist is John Dee, a charlatan and a scholar from the English Elizabethan era. This is a tired trope, but it's not too bad here. On Josh and Sophie's side is Nicholas Flamel, a seven hundred-year old Frenchman. He has charge of the codex, which can be used to end the world. Why he has not completely destroyed this book goes entirely unexplained. This kind of thing constitutes a huge weakness in this sort of a story. It's like Dr Strange hanging on to the time stone and claiming it's critical, but quite literally doing nothing with it (not after the first movie), and refusing to destroy it despite it being the thing which allows Thanos to destroy half the universe's living things (a flawed plan but let's not get into that). Of course, if this codex were destroyed, then the series would never have got off the ground, so that's really a poor position for a writer to put himself in.

Some might argue that Flamel needs the codex because he uses it to make gold from base metals, and to create a potion for himself and his wife Perenelle, which is what grants them immortality, but then you're arguing that after seven hundred years, he still hasn't memorized these 'recipes' - things he does once a month? For seven hundred years? You're arguing that he has never once thought of simply tearing out just those two pages, or copying them, and destroying the rest of the book?? This tells me that Flamel is a moron and every bit as evil as Dee is supposed to be.

The story begins with Sophie and Josh working for the summer in San Francisco, staying with their antiquated aunt, and working summer jobs down town while their "archaeologist" parents are off on a dig. Sophie works at a coffee shop which happens to be directly across the street from where her brother works - in a book store. Everything is fine until one day John Dee turns up with a couple of golems in tow, having finally tracked Flamel down (his mistake was to keep opening bookstores and using names like Nick Fleming!). Now Dee is demanding the codex. He gets his wish, but as Nick, Sophie, and Josh escape, Josh realizes that he has the last two pages of the codex, without which Dee cannot complete his sorcery. Really? But the chase is on!

Dee manages to capture Perenelle, and the other three resort to a friend of Nick's named Scathaich, a warrior woman who teaches martial arts. She's kick-ass, but she's in the story - and the series - far too little for my taste. The story pursues Dee and the codex and is very entertaining if you don't take it too seriously. I commend it.

The Magician by Michael Scott

Rating: WORTHY!

This is volume two of the series. In volume one, the two young heroes of the story, twins Josh and Sophie, traveled to France and met the aged Nicholas Flamel and his wife Perenelle (who was imprisoned by the bad guys in volume one and spends this entire volume on Alcatraz). This volume continues from there and in it, delving quite deeply into Norse mythology. Sophie begins to learn the use of fire magic, and Josh seems to have no magical powers at all, which affects her character throughout the volume.

Why the one has power - and that particular power - and the other none isn't really explained - not that I recall, but it's been a while since I read this so my recollection may be faulty. Josh does get a nifty stone sword later -which has its own power - and the gift of military knowledge. You can call 'sexism' on the girl getting the magic and the boy the martial gifts if you like, and you can certainly call out Josh for being a little whiny bitch in this volume. There are ways to make him consider going over to the other side without making him quite so obnoxious, but I guess the author didn't know that.

There's a lot more action in this volume since all the set-up has been completed in volume 1, and a lot of new characters show up including some Valkyries who have a grudge against Scathaich. I commend this as a worthy read.

The Sorceress by Michael Scott

Rating: WORTHY!

The title refers to Nicholas Flamel's wife Perenelle, who really comes into her own in this volume, which takes place largely in England, except the bits dealing with her escape - finally! - from Alcatraz, which seems not to be a tourist destination in this world. Josh loses his sword, Clarent, which Dee gets and unites it with his own sword, Excalibur, to create a new all-powerful weapon. Flamel and the twins meanwhile hook up with a Saracen named Palamedes which provides some military might.

More new characters are introduced, such as Gilgamesh of Epic fame, and meanwhile Niccolò Machiavelli teams up with Billy the kid of all people. That seems to be a serious mismatch. However, this story was also entertaining, so I commend it.

The Necromancer by Michael Scott

Rating: WORTHY!

Volume four brings Nicholas Flamel, his wife Perenelle, and the twins Sophie, and Josh back to San Francisco where the story of this world of gods and immortals began. It starts off in high spirits as we learn that Josh and Sophie aren't the only twins. Scathaich has one known as Aoife, who kidnaps Sophie, who goes with her mistakenly thinking it's Scathaich. Meanwhile Dee is fleeing the Dark Elders who balme hi for his failure to get the codex in its entirety.

Joan of Arc and Scathaich meanwhile are still stuck in the shadow lands and end up alongside the Comte de Saint-Germain, Palamedes and Shakespeare. The swordless Josh gets his chance at fire magic form the master of it: Prometheus of course. The problem is that he's still somewhat disaffected and falls under the spell of Dee. Again, another adventure-filled and entertaining volume.

The Warlock by Michael Scott

Rating: WORTHY!

This volume brings more characters into the story, most notably from Egyptian mythology, such as Anubis, Aten, Isis, and Osiris, but also Hel, Odin's daughter shows up and is nothing like the character from the Marvel movie.

Josh and Sophie and reunited and a terrible hoard of beasts is unleashed by Dee. Sophie gets yet more magical tuition, and learns the Magic of Earth, and also that all magic is really one thing - there are no branches or divisions. Duhh! Even I knew that! She learns all this from her aunt Agnes, who has been suspiciously quiet about her own magical skills. This felt a bit like a betrayal on the part of the author. I mean, really?!

But once again an entertaining and inventive read which I commend.

The Enchantress by Michael Scott

Rating: WORTHY!

The final book in the series takes off right at the end of volume five, and twins, Sophie and Josh Newman travel back in time to a fabled city of the past where they meet their real parents - so they're told - Isis and Osiris, but you should know by this point that nothing is what it seems in this series. It's a bit like an episode of Mission Impossible where people keep pulling their masks off to reveal that they're really someone else.

Sophie heads off to destroy the ancient city which is required in order for civilization to flourish, and Josh sits on a pyramid, which sounds painful - but which might explain his pissy attitude - and discovers that Clarent and Excalibur are actually part of a quartet, which includes Durendal and Joyeuse. Who knew? There are lots of battles, double-crosses, feints and reveals, and so much talk of silver and gold that I expected Burl Ives to show up singing his Christmas song, but he doesn't.

Overall I consider this entire series to be a worthy read.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Thirteen Hallows by Michael Scott & Colette Freedman





Title: The Thirteen Hallows
Author: Michael Scott
Author: Colette Freedman
Publisher: Macmillan
Rating: WARTY!

This was read by Kate Reading. I begun it thinking how perfect a name is that for the reader of an audio book?! Unfortunately, her style grated after a while. It's got to be said that this is one of the very worst novels I've never read. I got to fifty chapters in - which is not as far as you'd think (the chapters are laughably short) - but it is over half-way through. I started listening to it and found myself skipping track after track on the audio disks because the writing was so unbelievably pedestrian and monotonous that was unbearable on my ears: it actually hurt my brain to listen to it. This novel reads like a self-published first novel, which is really disturbing because it was written by at least one author (Scott) who is a seasoned and talented writer. He's the author of The Alchemyst hexalogy which I really enjoyed.

I'm not at all familiar with Colette Freedman, but I was looking forward to starting this audio book when I drove to work in the morning, and the disappointment came thick and fast. It's funny that I was talking about show vs. tell (or inform vs. evoke as some would have it) in a couple of reviews lately. To me it's show or blow. Scott & Freedman blowed. They dump massive quantities of info in the first three disks, much of which really has diddly squat to do with the actual story. Yeah, I am suitably impressed that you created a back-story for every last one of your minor characters, but I sure as hell don't need to hear it breaking through the narrative and taking over large swathes of the novel like kudzu.

Just in passing, the thirteen hallows are derived from Celtic mythology, and also appear to have fed the Harry Potter series, at least in part. Clearly the 'hallows' portion of the title is nothing more than a shameful rip-off of J. K. Rowling, whose Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out four years before. The Thirteen Hallows is nothing but splatter-punk bait-and-switch under the false pretense of being a supernatural thriller. None of it makes any sense. The premise is that there are thirteen hallows of Britain (this is true, although they're better known as 'treasures') and there are two evil morons (they're clearly not geniuses otherwise they would pursue their treasure hunt much more intelligently than they do) who are seeking these thirteen treasures which, once united, will allow one of them to rule the world.

Evidently, these treasures are keys to unlock a portal which would allow demons to come through and eat people(!). What would be left to rule when everyone was eaten is unexplained. Why these keys were not destroyed thereby permanently sealing up the demons is unexplained. Why demons even want to eat people is unexplained. Why these thirteen keys are 'guarded' by thirteen really old people with no provision to pass on their dubious legacy to the next generation is unexplained. Why the hallows were entrusted to these people when they were kids who were so defenseless that they'd been evacuated from London during the World War Two bombings is unexplained. Why only two detectives are put in charge of a major murder investigation into what has to be the ostensible work of a dangerous, deranged, and very violent psychopath is unexplained. Why they can't apprehend the perps is completely understandable given how inexperienced and utterly inept they are. Why the gods (or any god) cannot step in and prevent this horror - yet again having to rely on weak and fallible humans to do their dirty work - is unexplained. But given that religion is the most asinine aspect of this fiction - or any fiction including the Bible - this latter item is not really a mystery at all. How this novel ever made it to publication is a mystery.

Even within its own framework, this novel makes zero sense. The two bad guys have several "skinheads" running around London doing their slaughtering, and every scene of slaughter is depicted in the most nauseating terms imaginable, describing, in tabloid detail, all of the horror, the gore, the blood, and the abominable smells. Yet when Sarah, the female protagonist of a matching pair guts one of the villains (completely out of the blue!) with a sword, another of the bad guys vomits from the horror of it. Honestly? This is a guy who is torturing people for a living, and has waded through spongy, sticky, blood-soaked carpet in pursuit of his work, and yet he vomits because a colleague is stabbed?

I know that Scott can write. I loved his Alchemyst series. So how are we to explain how unutterably bad this novel is? Do we blame it all on Freedman? That would seem to be the obvious knee-jerk reaction, but it may be that she's equally competent, so then we would have to blame poor chemistry or willful blindness. Are Scott and Freedman doing nothing more than writing about their own dark fantasies - are they seeing themselves as the blood-lusting bad guys here? I have no idea, which is to say that I have just as much idea about that as I do about how such a god-awfully bad novel ever got past any self-respecting editor. I did find that some chapters seemed to me to evidence having been be written by Freedman, whereas others seemed to have been written by Scott. This came to me solely from the tone, and I have no idea at all if I'm even remotely right, but it was an interesting sensation that I very likely would not even have experienced had I been reading a print book or ebook.

The writing is pedestrian to an extreme, every single line is a tell with nary a show in sight, as the authors parade one gory scene past us after another, and every last one of these scenes is described in almost exactly the same terms and in mind-numbingly unnecessary detail. The authors quite evidently have no idea how to invoke shock, horror, and revulsion without describing it in terms which a ten-year-old might employ to show how tough he is or to gross out his school chums.

I found myself skipping track after track on the first five disks (which is as much as I could stomach of this trash) because I had no interest whatsoever in the life history of Mrs Piddly-Ass Smythe, or whoever. I really didn't. Can we get into the story please?! So note form this that even seasoned authors quite evidently don't give a damn about show vs tell, rest assured. When we finally got to one of the main characters, and her name turned out to be Mary Sue Clueless. After she rescued an old woman from being mugged and took her to her home in the city of Bath (not exactly next door to London!), they found the home had been savagely and disgustingly vandalized. The next morning, Mary Sue got a threatening phone call at work, yet she failed to call the police! She goes to her own home after that, only to find her whole family slaughtered!

I have one more thing to say about the disks - the first one at least: there was this weird vibration sound on the end of disk one, and I initially thought there was something wrong with my car! It wasn't until I turned down the CD player volume to hear better, and the sound faded that I realized it was on the CD!

Another annoyance (for the audio book) was the lack of "chapter ...". I guess the printed novel has just numbers without the word "Chapter" in front, and Reading was simply reading as is without thinking of artificially adding the word "Chapter" to preface the number. Would it be too much to ask? It took some getting used to hearing what at first appeared to be a random number or appeared to be part of the narrative, only to learn after a second that we'd actually begun a new chapter! Yeah, it's a minor quibble, but it's an unnecessary annoyance.

In short, this novel is WARTY to the max.