Princesses of Myth Box Set by Joanne Wadsworth

Rating: WARTY!

Another special snowflake story: "When Faith Stryker turns 18, she learns a shocking truth: She's the lost princess of another world!" Faith Stryker? Really? But here's my question: why does this other and different world consider eighteen in the same way our world does? How different can it be if it's really just the same; if it still has princesses who inherit a leadership role not through any effort they made or qualities they possess, but purely because of who they were born to? And she's the princess of an entire planet? No. Hard pass on this dull and unimaginative horseshit which I promise you comes without a box.

Love Out of Bounds by Ellie Spark

Rating: WARTY!

Way to go with a self-limiting title! "From the very first moment they meet, Sophie knows Charli is the woman for her. But Charli is hiding a secret life" Of course she is, otherwise it would be out out in the open and not secret. I'm sorry but Ellie doesn't spark for me. She never has.

Tool Time by Jayne Rylon

Rating: WARTY!

"What's sexier than a man with a power tool who knows how to use it?" This author probably thinks they're hilarious. This would be amusing if it were a parody, but it ain't. Fuck this shit.

Taming Natasha by Nora Roberts

Rating: WARTY!

"From the beloved #1 New York Times bestselling author called 'the most successful novelist on Planet Earth'" No. That would be Agatha Christie, dipshit. Nora Roberts barely makes it into the top 20. If they have to outright lie about this in the book description, then toss the book back into the clearance bin. And taming a woman? Do women have to be tamed now?

A Conspiracy in Belgravia by Sherry Thomas

Rating: WARTY!

"Posing as a male detective named Sherlock, Charlotte Holmes sets out to solve London's most baffling mysteries - including the disappearance of her own half-brother." For fuck's sake! Really? No! Too much sherry.

Murder at the Lighthouse by Frances Evesham

Rating: WARTY!

"When a woman is found dead under a lighthouse, amateur sleuth Libby Forest teams up with her standoffish cat, a massive dog, and an attractive local to catch the culprit." But the solution is obvious: if she was found dead under a lighthouse, the lighthouse fell on her! Do we honestly need a cat and a dog in this story? Really? Couldn't it be, for a change, a catfish and a dogfish? Any novel with the word 'sleuth' anywhere on the cover is an automatic no. Or in this case anywhere in the cove...!

Awaken by Skye Malone

Rating: WARTY!

"Despite being forbidden to go near the ocean, Chloe runs away to the beach. Unable to resist the water, she sets in motion a series of strange occurrences and dangerous events - and discovers her true identity" Like it isn’t obvious? And why is the author Skye Malone? Why not Ocean Malone? C Malone? Levem Malone?

Shot to Hell by William W Johnstone and JA Johnstone

Rating: WARTY!

"When Perley Gates and his cowhand, Possum, journey to the small town of Bison Gap to avenge a murder, they find themselves facing down a ruthless gang of outlaws." It took two people to write this? I'm on the side of the outlaws. Perley Gates? seriously? Possum? Bison Gap? Why not just call it Buffalo Butt-Crack?

Displacement by Braylee Parkinson

Rating: WARTY!

"Private investigator Sylvia Wilcox will risk anything to find the truth behind her husband’s death." Even starring in an unoriginal novel? She must be desperate!

How to Find Love in a Bookshop by Veronica Henry

Rating: WARTY!

"After her father’s passing, Emilia considers selling the family bookstore. But the colorful members of her tight-knit community may change her mind… Tight knit or tightly knitting? It could be either in a story like this. USA Today describes this as "A love letter to books and the shops that sell them" but the book is selling through Amazon, the very online store that is killing local bookstores! How hypocritical can you get, Veronica? Stories about writers and about bookstores are a big no-no unless they have something truly original to offer, and almost none of them do.

Sweet Southern Magic by Amy Boyles

"Down-on-her-luck Pepper Dunn’s life takes a magical turn when she inherits a shop in Magnolia Cove - and learns that she’s a witch! But when murder mysteries abound, Pepper must put her newfound gifts to the test in this charming collection of cozy mysteries." How are there even mysteries when she's a witch? A quick spell and the crime is solved! And how can she not know she has magical powers? This is why I never read books anymore with the word 'southern' anywhere on the cover...! It's an automatic reject. And Magnolia Cove? Could you lard the story up any more?

Fate Bound by Madeline Freeman

Rating: WARTY!

The title is a no-no, right out of the gate. Any title of the form "____ Bound" is an automatic rejection right there. It's particularly amusing that the title "____ Bound" in this case is written by a Freeman! LOL! "When Ava survives a deadly attack, she wakes up as both a werewolf and a vampire" - how original! "but the supernatural community hates hybrids." Why? "Can Ava’s alpha, Jack, find a way to keep her safe?" Who gives a flying fuck what tired trope stock character Jack the Alpha can or can't do? It's the most tired and over-used go-to name ever. And why is Ava yet another useless female charcter who needs rescuing by a guy? Madeline, do you truly hate your own gender that much?

Dreams and Shadows by C Robert Cargill

Rating: WARTY!

"As a child, Ewan was banished to our world from a hidden, magical one. Now, the boundary between realms is blurring…" yeahhhhh...it's that word 'realms' I just can't see anything worthwhile lying beyond.

Immortal Vegas: The Official Boxset by Jenn Stark

Rating: WARTY!

"Artifact hunter Sara makes a living tracking down magical objects. But a shadowy enemy is drawing closer with every dangerous job she completes." Of course it is. What I want to know is, where's the fucking box? When I get a box set, I want a box. This feels more like a set-up.

The Wind’s Twelve Quarters by Ursula K Le Guin

Rating: WARTY!

"From the Hugo and Nebula Award–winning author of The Left Hand of Darkness comes an enthralling collection of stories that will captivate readers of science fiction and fantasy!" I promise you it won't. That's why it's being offered at a discount price. Yawn. And twelve qurters? Where did that bullshit come from? Could it by any chance be the number of stories in the collection? Barf.

Rapturous by Marie Force

Rating: WARTY!

The title alone ought to be enough to warn a reader off this novel. "Addison has always had feelings for her boss’s best friend, Hayden. But when they finally share a sizzling night together, will she submit to his every desire?" I promise you she will, because has has zero self respect. Yawn.

Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams

Rating: WARTY!

"A young journalist grapples with work, love, and identity in London. - The vibrant Queenie is a modern-day Bridget Jones’s Diary" Modern day? Since when is the mid-nineties considered antiquity? Another cookie-cutter excuse for an original story. But I have to grant the author a fabulous name. It's just a real pity that the plotting lets it down.

Panic Point by Bill Briscoe

Rating: WARTY!

"When his wife is abducted during their honeymoon in the Great Smoky Mountains, veteran Navy SEAL Earl Helmsly is determined to find her." Another Navy SEAL story! How original! 'Cos there sure aren't enough of those already and when there are enough of those, don't worry, because we'll still have the Air Force Special Tactics, the Army Green Berets, the Army Night Stalkers, the Army Rangers, the Navy SEALs Missions, the Navy SWCCs, the Marine MARSOC, the Marine RECON, and the Marine RECON Missions. Don't worry: we'll enver run out of unoriginal stories.

Hot Property Sherryl Woods

Rating: WARTY!

"Molly DeWitt is looking for a fresh start... Too bad trouble seems to be looking for her! When a wealthy man is found with a knife in his back - Molly's knife - she'll have to race against detective Michael O'Hara to prove her innocence." No, that's not how it works! The prosecutor must prove guilt. Why Molly is racing around like she has something to hide, or worse, to cover up, is the real mystery here, and nobody cares anyway, because it's one more in a tedious line of cookie-cutter, utterly invariant, non-mysteries.

Partners in Crime by Elise Sax

Rating: WARTY!

"Peter is ready to give up his career as a spy and live a quiet life - until Piper walks out of the woods with no clothes or memory of what happened to her. When the two join forces to decipher Piper's dangerous past, can they manage to stay focused as their chemistry heats up?" Peter and Piper? Really? Retitle this "Piper at the Gates of Dumb" and I might recycle it rather than toss it straight into landfill waste. Barf.

The Force by Don Winslow

Rating: WARTY!

"Top NYPD detective Denny Malone has served his city for years" Oh look! A New York cop with an Irish name! How original. This ought to have been titled, "The farce". The force isn't with The Winslow Boy.

Just One Night by Kyra Davis

Rating: WARTY!

"Responsible Kasie succumbs to a night of passion with Robert in Las Vegas - only to later discover he's the powerful CEO she'll be working with" This plot has never been done before - if you don't count the million times it actually has. Yawn.

A Taste for Love by Jennifer Yen

Rating: WARTY!

Or is this A Yen for Love by Jennifer Taste?! We can never be sure! "When Liza agrees to help out with an annual competition at her mother's bakery, she soon realizes all of the contestants are young men her mom wants her to date. And she finds herself reluctantly drawn to infuriatingly handsome James" No wonder Kirkus thought this was great. An unoriginal story is "changed up" by substituting Asian characters and suddenly it's scrumptious? The dumbass 'infuriatingly handsome' line in the description has been overdone to the point where it's burned to a crisp. Throw it in the trash along with your cookie-cutter. Next please.

The Unteachables by Gordon Korman

Rating: WARTY!

"When disillusioned educator Mr Zachary Kermit is assigned to teach a group of misfit students, mayhem ensues - and a life-changing bond is formed." How utterly unoriginal and completely predictable! Let's make it into a sitcom with a laugh track. No wonder Kirkus loved it.

Dead Days of Summer by Carolyn Hart

Rating: WARTY!

When her husband is falsely accused of murder, mystery bookstore owner Annie must find the real killer on their South Carolina island - before her beloved winds up behind bars." Why? Are the South Carolina cops utterly incompetent? Does a bookstore owner have more resources than a police department when it comes to solving crimes? Seriously? Or are the laws different there, in that you have to prove your innocence, instead of the authorities having to prove your guilt?