Magic rises? Really? That's your title? This is supposedly "A #1 New York Times bestseller with nearly 30,000 five-star Goodreads ratings!" So why in fuck are you reduced to selling at a discount in a book flyer? Is 30,000 sales not enough? That probably means you had at least another fifteen thousand sales for people who liked it less. $2.00 a pop for the ebook means what, 40 - 70 cents a copy for the author? Let's call it 50 cents multiplied by 45,000 units, means you made well over $20,000 for this effort. How much more do you want people to give you for volume 6 of a series where you're essentially telling the same story over and over again, which is what a series is? On it goes: "In Atlanta, mercenary Kate Daniels" Wait: you didn't call her Kat? Damn! You're going to get drummed out of the urban fantasy writers club for that! And no, you don't get kudos for not using 'Kat' because you used Kate which is pretty much the same damned thing. "...strikes a deal to save a pack of shapeshifters from a deadly ailment." Why? They're shapeshifters! They're boring, overblown, substandard, YA material. Let 'em rot! "But the gambit puts her own life at risk." I see what they did there! They put 'gambit' in the description so people will think it's about chess. Nice try. Judged by the cover though, where this chick basically fights in a leather tank top,'game butt' might play better to your reader base....Barf.
Sunday, August 15, 2021
Pawsitively Poisonous by Melissa Erin Jackson
"In a quirky Oregon town," Stop right there. Quirky is an automatic 'no' when it comes to book descriptions! If it had said 'querty' I might have been interested. "...magical shop owner Amber becomes a suspect when one of her friends is murdered. With an inquisitive police chief on her trail, can she prove her innocence while keeping her secret safe from the world?" Once again, under American law, you do not have to prove innocence. The prosecution has to prove your guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, numbnuts. And how hard ought it to be for a witch to solve a crime when she can use magic for fuck's sake? Barf.
Hold Me by Hildred Billings
Errata: "In Sapporo she would text a friend or gone to a party to score some sex." should read ‘have gone’ or 'would go’? "She bore her teeth" - No! She bared her teeth! "Jun was always one who treaded it with trepidation." - 'Trod'. "as Jun brought their vulva together" - 'Vulvas' "She chose the softest voice had" - 'she had'
This was, overall, an enjoyable read. I fell in love with the main character Junri - unrequited as it was! It was a chalk and cheese romance between two women who were not only set apart by a decade in age, but who also hail from widely different backgrounds: Junri Isoya being heir to a hotel empire - if she plays her cards right - and Saya Nemoto being an itinerant worker from a relatively backward part of Japan. They meet when Saya rebels against an abusive coworker. Junri intervenes, and the relationship continues on and off as Saya swings back through her 'home base' of Nagoya between jobs.
Junri isn't happy at being sent to manage the Nagoya hotel, but her uncle, the current chairman, tells her she is badly in need of experience before he can consider her as an elligible heir for taking over when he retires. After resolving the harrassment dispute, Junri never expects to see Saya again, and is both unnerved and excited to find her waiting in the corridor by her temporary hotel accommodation that night.
Thus begins their on-again off again relationship as Saya drifts in and out of Junri's life between working trips to different parts of the country, alternately thrilling her and driving her to distraction as Junri falls ever more deeply for the feisty, exciting, enigmatic, and intriguing young woman.
I really enjoyed this for the most part, but I ran into an issue here and there which took some of the pleasure away. I found the acciental encounters between Junri and Saya to stretch credibility too much: that in all of Tokyo, for example, they should both happen to be riding the same train at the same time and encoutner one another. Additionally, it was a bit much to swallow that one night when Junri is out having a few drinks, she just happens to be walking down the precise alley behind the exact bar that Saya exits right as Junri passes the door.
I also didn't like that Junri so readily leapt into bed with complete strangers without a moment's thought about STDs. We live in a world rife with them, and some are becoming more and more resistant to treatments. Some are deadly; some are debilitating. Naturally no one wants a rather explicit and erotic story like this to screech to a halt for a lecture on veneral disases right in the middle of the 'action', but a word of caution carefully embedded in the characters' exchanges here and there would be entirely appropriate.
Reading this, it seemed to me that someone as smart as Junri wouldn't take such risks, not when her career was at stake and she was so proper and cautious in all other aspects of her life, so this lack of concern betrayed her character quite glaringly. There's a big difference between trading partners within a small group of trusted friends, and wantonly stepping outside that group, and thereby betraying everyone in it. It would surely ring alarm bells for someone like Junri, yet it never did; never once were STDs talked about between anyone in the entire story. That, to me, is a big problem with novels of this nature. I think authors have a responsibility and it makes me sad to see so many of them shirk it.
There were some writing issues, such as when I read, for example, "she could still smell Saya’s body in the sheets" - this was two months after Saya had left. Seriously? Yuk! Those sheets wre in dire need of a serious wash! At another point, I read, "who was used to sex in public sometimes" which felt badly-worded. Something like 'used to occasional sex in public' would sound better. Later, I read, "In the countryside, with people who don’t judge others" yet Saya's whole problem had stemmed from her growing up in exactly such a place, so this made no sense to me!
These were relatively minor issues which I see often, especially in novels which are one-person operations without the might and mein of a big publishing conglomerate behind them, complete with book editors and so on. For me, the biggest let-down was the reveal of Saya's 'problem' toward the end of the novel. It would be easier to talk about this were I to publish a spoiler here, but I won't do that.
I'll just confine myself to saying that I felt let-down when this supposedly relationship-crippling issue turned out to be such a mundane and minor one when all was said and done. It felt like a betrayal of Saya's character. This was a woman who had proven herself to be impressively resilient, strong, and independent. It seemed to me like this 'problem' would have been been the least of Saya's worries, and yet it's built-up to be this towering onstacle when it really isn't anything at all, especially given Junri's position of wealth and power. In my opinion, that whole bit ought to have been changed to turn it into something truly critical, or it ought to have been ditched altogether, and Saya's objections left to what were really potential problems, such as Saya's itinerary lfiestyle versus Junri's necessarily static one. I never did consider their age difference to be an issue.
But the author had won me over plenty before this happened, so I wasn't going to let this sour me on the whole story, which for the most part, was well-written, inventive, amusing, absorbing, and heart-warming. I commend it as a worthy read. This (the novel not my review!) was published in 2013, and there's a suggestion at the end of it that there could be a book 2. Whether this materialized or not, I have no idea, but I am not a fan of series, so I doubt I will read any sequels. I do intend to read other novels by this author, however.
Friday, August 13, 2021
A Quiet Death in Italy by Tom Benjamin
"After a body is found floating in an underground canal in Bologna, investigator Daniel Leicester quickly realizes that the case is far more complex than it seems" Yes indeed! For this was Canal Number Five, the river of perfume, which waters the Perfumed Garden! This is a sex romp like you wouldn't believe with stiffs popping up all over the place, and a bunch of wankers trying to relieve the tension. And why is someone named Daniel Leicester trying to solve a crime in Italy? Is it just a bunch of Bologna?
The Lucky One by Lori Rader-Day
A "harrowing nightmare by a master of the sleepless night" (Kirkus Reviews). Sorry Circus, er, Kirkus, but the author is female. Shouldn't that read "a mistress of the sleepless night?" Maybe not. And I guess better a Rayder Day than a day raider, but no, just no, because Kirkus.
Tiny Pretty Things by Sona Charaipotra, Dhonielle Clayton
Not sure why it took two people to write this, but with that fluffy title and a claim from Kirkus that this is a "page-turner with a heart" convinced me that this is more of a stomach-turner. So a definite no to the novel, but given that this is about Ballet I may take a look at the Netflix version. That might not turn my stomach, but there's never a guarantee with these things.
The Gryphon Chronicles by EG Foley
"A bundle of rollicking fantasy adventures: Twelve-year-old pickpocket Jake relies on his wits to survive the streets of Victorian London. but when he develops mysterious powers, a sinister..." Three no's here. 'Chronicles' in the title, and 'rollicking' and 'sinister' in the description mean a flat refusal to even consider entertaining this loser novel. Avoid everything with 'chronicles', 'saga', or 'cycle' in the description unless you truly enjoy pretentious shit.
Almost Missed You by Jessica Strawser
Now 'Jessica Strawser' is a name to conjure with, but this is a definite no for the pretentious title alone. "Violet has a happy marriage and a wonderful child - but when her husband, Finn, leaves and kidnaps their son, everything she thought she knew begins to unravel." Clearly this Violet is clueless. She should never have married a fish appendage in the first place. I know it bites, but this is what you get for sharking your repsonsibilities....
Comfort & Joy by Kristin Hannah
Obviously with a title like that, this story is about a romance between a fabric softener and a dishwashing liquid.... "Divorcée Joy books a spontaneous trip for one to the Pacific Northwest, where she bonds with Daniel and his young son. When her world is turned upside down, will the holiday bring much needed solace and magic?" Or will they find themselves in Australia by mistake? I could be so very wrong, but my guess is that it will lead to a battle between hordes of walking dead, and pitchfork-wielding Oregonians who try to clean up the problem and soften material disagreements.
Wilder Girls by Rory Power
Rory Power? Really? Eeh! Maybe, but I have my doubts. If Kirkus thinks this is a "staggering gut punch" that's enough to put me off it for life. The plot has it that "a mysterious illness sweeps through the Raxter School for Girls, Hetty breaks quarantine to find her missing friend - and makes a shocking discovery that upends their entire world." Yep. 'Shocking' is another bellwether word in a book description - warning you to avoid it like the plague. Dual narrators is just one more turn-off.
Uncle and Ants by Marc Jedel
Everyone's named 'Marc' now so as not to use the commonplace 'Mark' but since everyone uses it, 'Mark' is actually the lesser commonplace of the two these days! LOL! "Did someone orchestrate the accident that put Marty Golden's sister in the hospital? A quirky uncle becomes an amateur sleuth as Marty takes care of his nieces while scouring Silicon Valley for a killer!" How is he doing both at the same time? No, seriously, I really want to know. What the evidence shows here is that this idiot guy needs the definition of 'taking care of' clearly explained to him. The key turn-off words here are 'quirky' and 'sleuth' - both serious no-no's for a novel.
Shield & Shade by Misty Hayes
Misty Haze...um...Hayes? Seriously? The plot here is that "Years ago, Zoey was found in the woods after wandering away from home - with no memory of how she got there. When she learns the impossible truth of what happened, Zoey's world is turned upside down" Impossible truth? Upside down? No wonder it's a misty haze novel. No. definitely not.
The Demon Seekers by John Shors
From a USA Today bestselling author who still evidently needs to unload his work at a discount: "A century after aliens turned Earth into a barren wasteland, 17-year-old Tasia hunts the monsters who destroyed her planet." Seventeen? Seriously? What qualifies her to do this? Of course, the gung-ho crew at Kirkus claim it's "An exhilarating tale with an engaging protagonist that will have readers eagerly anticipating sequels." Not me. I'm not even anticipating the first volume. Barf.
Feyland: The Complete Series by Anthea Sharp
"A complete series of mesmerizing fantasies from a USA Today bestselling author! Dive into the realm of Feyland" I won't touch a book in which the author doesn't have the guts to call them fairies! This author is even more chickenshit than that, and doesn't even use fae! She's off with 'fey' which is a different word altogether.
No Love Like Nantucket by Grace Palmer
"After her brother's tragic death..." what death isn't tragic? Seriously? "...fiftysomething inn owner Toni struggles to process her grief. When she leaves Nantucket for a trip overseas, will she finally discover the person she's meant to be? A poignant story of love, loss, and second chances." What second chance? Does she find a new brother? Seriously? If Nan took it, she ain't gonna get it back.... Maybe her Pa took it?
Wired by Evelyn Adams
"Billionaire Luke is used to getting what he wants" Why is the billionaire always named Luke?! "He wants sassy, strong-willed Claire. Sparks fly as they're caught in a steamy power struggle" Bullshit! Claire needs to be named Violet, as in wilting, because you know she's going to just collapse like a used condom. Strong-willed my ass.
Broken Promise by Linwood Barclay
"When widower David moves back to his hometown of Promise Falls, he stumbles into the mystery of a murdered mother's baby - whom his cousin has been raising as her own." Promise Falls, really? This a definite no.
The Nostradamus Equation by Christopher Cartwright
What did Nostradamus find on his perilous 1562 expedition into the desert? Modern-day adventurer Sam Reilly follows Dr. Zara Delacroix to the Sahara in search of an ancient text that holds the answer" Nostradamus was a delusional 16th century asshole. "A riveting, action-packed read!" Doubtful.
Stay Gold by Tobly McSmith
"When Pony starts at a new high school, he plans to fly under the radar and keep his trans identity hidden." Pony? Seriously? As in hung like a horse? Neigh.
Serenade by Heather McKenzie
"All her life, Kaya has been closely guarded - supposedly sheltered from her father’s enemies. It’s not until she’s kidnapped by Luke that she experiences freedom for the first time." Seriously? Kidnapping is a good thing? This author is dangerously delusional. The book description continues: "As she learns the truth about her family, she faces her growing feelings for Luke, who has his own secret." This is all kinds of wrong, so no. Definitely no.
When Maidens Mourn by CS Harris
This one is out because it has 'sleuth' in the book description, but the blurb has it that: "In 19th-century England, a woman studying the legend of King Arthur is murdered - and sleuth Sebastian St Cyr sets out to unravel the intriguing case" How is it intriguing? And that name? Is it supposed to be pronounced 'sincere'? Sebastian Sincere?! Really? No. No. No. And that title? Maidens? Really?
The Moneychangers by Arthur Hailey
"Bank owner Ben Roselli is dying — and his executive VPs are in a ruthless competition to assume control." And poor deceased Arthur isn't going to get a penny of that sale price....
Deeper Than the Dead and Choosers of the Slain by Who Cares, Really?
These two titles ought to be sold as a pair based purely on their titles.
Deeper Than the Dead by Tami Hoag claims to be a New York Times bestseller. If so, why is it being flogged at discount rates on a book flyer? Hmm! The description says, "Three children and a young teacher make a horrifying discovery in their seemingly idyllic town: a corpse with its mouth and eyes glued shut. FBI profiler Vince hunts for the truth — but more victims might be found." More victims might be found? Oh my god! We'd better put this case on hold until we're sure no more victims will be found!
Meanwhile, in Choosers of the Slain by James H Cobb, "When Argentina launches an invasion to seize territory in Antarctica, Commander Amanda Garrett and the USS Cunningham must sail into hostile waters to stop them." Why? This is essentially nothing more than a rip-off of the actual hostilities between Argentina and the British some beers ago. Yawn.
Summer at Sea by Beth Labonte
"Trapped on a cruise ship with her parents, 26-year-old Summer goes looking for her future husband among the passengers. But her brother's best friend, Graham, has other ideas." You can bet your sweet ass he does! Seriously? This woman is only 26 yet she's desperately searching for a husband - like any guy will do as long as he's on this ship? How can a female author be so insulting to her own gender? This book is garbage from the concept onwards.
Crown of Crowns by Clara Loveman
I know what you're thinking. This is about a retired hitman who takes up dentistry and finds he's really good at capping teeth. But no. Sorry. The plot has it that: "When young noblewoman Kaelyn meets commoner Roki, they spark a life-changing connection - but their love is forbidden by law." Of course it is because this is Romeo and Juliet rip-off. Yawn. Game of Thrones rip-off - at least for the title if nothing else. Double yawn.