"A clever whodunit"? How is it clever when it's the same as all the others: a murder in a bookstore which the proprietor has to solve, because evidently the police are too stupid? "When a famous writer dies at Storyton Hall's Valentine's Day book retreat, proprietor Jane and her book club must race to catch a heartless killer!" Why? The best thing, clearly, is to avoid bookstores like the plague because they're very dangerous places! 'Buy all your books online if you don't want to be murdered' is the take home message here. This is how Amazon is making a killing....
Friday, September 10, 2021
City of Shattered Light by Claire Winn
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
I had high hopes for this story which seemed to promise two strong female leads, but once again, as they so often do, the book blurb failed to give an honest description of the story, so it was more of a lose than a Winn for me. It was slow to start and seemed very repetitive. I was ready to ditch it after chapter one, and I would have, except this was a review book, so I felt I had to give it a chance. It did pick up somewhat in chapter two, but even so, it never got going. It was such a long, repetitive slog that I grew bored with it.
It was a very pedantic 2-Person PoV story tick-tocking tediously like a metronome between the two main female characters' perspectives that it was putting me to sleep. At least it wasn't first person PoV, but the tedium was strong with this one and by 52% I'd had enough of the repetitive antics of supposed hero "Riven" and her hi-tech non-love-interest "Asa" that I could stand to read no more. I cared nothing for either of the characters or for their fate, and their supposed love story was dead in the water from the very start.
Asa Almeida is the 17-year-old heir to a hi-tech empire. Riven Hawthorne - which is a thoroughly stupid name, is a lowlife street crook who talks big, but consistently achieves nothing. She's supposed to be a no-nonsense girl who is a dead-shot with her antique pistols, but despite having two clear-cut chances to kill her arch-rival (in the half that I read) she fails both times and one failure leads to another. Riven is thoroughly incompetent: all talk and no traction, and she has no spine. Asa, who is supposed to be smart, is a complete dumb-ass and she persistently proves it.
The 'winterdark' MacGuffin in the story appeared to be a direct rip-off of William Gibson's 'wintermute' which is an artificial intelligence character in his novel Neuromancer but since in this story it really is just a name without, apparently, anything behind it (not in the part I read anyway), I guess it doesn't matter what it was. The other side of this coin is tha tthe auhtor evidently hasnlt ehard of a farady cage whcih woudl ahve made her little device undetectable at dradiofrwuencies
The writing had issues, too. I read, for example, at one point: "No doubt the rumor mill would love to grate her to a pulp. A mill grinds, it doesn't grate. Unless of course it hasn't been oiled in a while.... At another point I read, "The phoenix ruffled its wings." Nah! I’m guessing it ruffled its feathers! Then again: "Riven willed herself to be impassable," was used when the author needed 'impassive'.
Some of the technology wasn't very well thought-through. For example, Asa has a suit that she can use to make herself invisible, but this author - as do many sci-fi writers, sci-fi movies, and TV shows - conflates invisible with undetectable. Visible light is only one minuscule portion of the electromagnetic spectrum, and trapping that doesn't trap everything else, from gamma rays at one end to Am radio at the other. The suit wouldn't have worked, and the author even seems to admit this at one point where one of the guardbots stops and scans her. Clearly it detected something. The author also seems to forget that Asa's body is in motion, and emitting heat. Both of these things can be detected. The suit itself by its very use is emitting electronic frequencies.
A smock was actually developed that used tiny cameras to transmit an image of the scenery to the opposite side, so it made the smock close to invisible, but not quite. The thing is that even something like this is still actually there. If a bright light shone on it, it would cast a shadow of sorts, and any radar pulse aimed at it would bounce back faster and with a different 'feel' to it from her body than, say, the wall in front of which Asa was standing, so there was so much wrong with this that it was laughable. For a young kids' story it would have been fine, but not for grown-ups, not unless you're going to say it has magical powers (like Harry Potter's invisibility cloak) rather than hi-tech powers.
For me, the worst part was that the story quickly became bogged down in Riven's tedious, endless, and leaden-footed non-attempts to escape the absurdly one-dimensional criminal city, where every single thing is rotten to the core, and every single person is evil and amazingly good at finding and defeating Riven. It made this story truly boring. I can't commend this at all.
Murder at an Irish Wedding by Carlene O'Connor
"Siobhán O’Sullivan..." stop right there! I don't need to read any further to know this is yet another condescending Irish story. bring on the leprechauns and start the shillelagh-shallying! Only a quarter of the top twenty Irish names begin with the O'prefix! There's only one O'name in the top five, yet every single Irish story by US authors is uninventively and unimaginatively is larded with them! This author is an American who lives in Chicago, BTW. Yawn.
Strange Little Girl by John Dean
"When he’s called to the scene of a desecrated grave, detective John Blizzard..." stop right there. John Blizzard? Really? I'm out of here just based on the ridiculous name. It tells you everything you need to know about this style of writing, and none of it is good.
Ripple of Doubt by Jenifer Ruff
"When she retreats to a secluded lake house, FBI agent Victoria Heslin is looking for a quiet respite - but upon discovering a woman’s drowned body, she’s pulled into a disturbing murder case where every one of her neighbors is a suspect" Why? It's not her turf. It's the job of the lcoal police. And isn't this just another story where a 'retired' person is pulled back into the job? It's been done so many times now. Yawn.
Obliteration by Darren Wearmouth, James S Murray
"Humanity faces a war for survival when subterranean creatures begin to emerge from the ground." Holy shit! The last place I'd expect subterranean creatures to emerge from is the ground! Hasn't this been done already in Pacific Rim? Close enough? But it took two people to write it, so it has to be twice as good, right? Yawn.
Monday, September 6, 2021
The Royal Art of Poison by Eleanor Herman
Subtitled "Filthy Palaces, Fatal Cosmetics, Deadly Medicine, and Murder Most Foul" this audiobook goes into some detail - often quite nauseating and gruesome, be warned, but at other times highly amusing, and then at others downright depressing to think people were once so ill-educated and poorly informed. It's read admirably well, given the subject matter, by Susie Berneis.
The sad, but in hindsight and with historical distance, amusing thing about the nobility of yesteryear, is that even as they had people to taste their food to catch would-be poisoners, these idiots were in fact slowly poisoning themselves by employing dumb-ass makeup containing lead and arsenic, and adding things to their diet for medicinal purposes, which were also actually poisons.
Herman's well-written book travels through history from ancient times to modern, reporting on various historical personalities, dignitaries, and royalty who had encounters with one poison or another in one way or another, from belladonna to plutonium, some of which survived, others who succumbed slowly or rapidly. This author has done her research, and it shows without being tedious.
The book is fascinating and very educational, especially if you're thinking of writing your own historical novel involving someone's untimely demise! Which I am not, but you might be! I highly commend this book as a worthy read.
The Heap by Sean Adams
NPR considers this "downright fun"? They're pushing it a couple of months after Champlain Towers South collapsed resulting in 99 deaths? "After the 500-story Los Verticalés apartment tower crashes down, radio DJ Bernard continues broadcasting beneath the rubble while his brother, Orville, works to free him from the collapse." What the fuck is Bernard broadcasting about in a basement? This is ill-considered at best.
The Girl in the Moon by Terry Goodkind
The title alone is enough to turn me off this novel. The fact that Goodkind authored it is another warning sign. When it comes to writing, he's more of a bad-kind. "Born with a supernatural ability to recognize killers, reclusive Angela Constantine" Constantine, really? That's the best he can do for a character name? Barf!
The Hocus Pocus Magic Shop by Abigail Drake
"Between her chaotic romantic life and floundering career," and whose fault is that again? "discovering her aunt's spell book is the last thing chemist Grace needs - especially when some of the love potions actually work!" So this jerk has robbed people of self-determination? And it's supposed to be funny? "Will an infuriatingly handsome" Infuriatingly handsome? How many scores of books have that in their blurb? This book is quite obviously shit. "Will an infuriatingly handsome reporter spill her secret before she can clean up the mess?" I hope so because this meddling jackass needs to do some jail time. Hokey poke-ass more like.
Reconstructing Amelia by Kimberly McCreight
That title alone is an automatic no. Period.
Enthrall by ZL Arkadie
"Innocent Jada accepts a job as an assistant to reclusive billionaire Spencer - and her role requires her to move to his remote ranch." Of course it does, because why not render her a prisoner, totally dependent on you if you want to rape her? "When they finally meet, can they resist mixing business with pleasure?" Seriously? Does the book description writer think all readers are dumbasses to ask that dumbass question, or is the book description writer just a dumbass? I can't figure which it is. I do know this book is a disaster though.
Magic Shifts by Ilona Andrews
"When mercenary Kate Daniels learns of a friend's disappearance, she'll need to follow a trail of sinister clues to save him" Sinister clues! Oh my god! Sinister! We are so fucked! Barf. Although Ilona Andrews is a really cool name that ought to be attached to better, more original novels.
Rise of the Gladiator: Forbidden Planet by Cheree Alsop
Forbidden planet is way over-used, but get this: "Embarking on a dangerous rescue mission, Captain Nova Ardis takes a risk in bringing along a gladiator as her bodyguard." Why? And why would she want a guy half-dressed in leathers, and carrying a sword and shield when a ray gun can drop this asshole in a heartbeat? Bodyguard? Horseshit. I've had issues before with Alsop's books and this does nothing to earn any faith whatsoever in her ability as a writer. This marks three strikes against her.
Deceived by LA Starkey
"An entrancing debut" Nope - not at all. It's a cookie-cutter debut the same as all the other love triangle stories. There's nothing new here at all. "High schooler Samantha is Pandora's daughter - and the twin sons of the last Titan will do whatever it takes to claim her heart." Such a sense of entitlement they have! Barf. Abandon hope all ye who enter here.
The Royal Runaway by Lindsay Emory
"After being left at the altar, princess Thea needs a break from royal life. But the arrival of Scottish spy Nick, her ex-fiancé's brother...." Another weak woman running away, another guy saving her. Absolutely nothing whatsoever new here. Female authors continue to create insulting female main characters with romantic porn where every woman needs it and they all need a man to give it to them. Barf.
Dressed to Kill by Lynn Cahoon
"When bookstore owner Jill Gardner signs on to perform in a dinner theater charity show, she finds herself in the middle of a very real murder mystery." Unoriginal title and a bookstore owner (again!) solving a murder? Overdone, overblown, over it completely.
And They Called It Camelot by Stephanie Marie Thornton
"Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy fights to carve out her place in history — even after tragedy upends her life." What fucking place in history? Setting fashion trends? She disappeared from public life after John Kennedy's death and marrying a filthy-rich dude. That tells you all you need to know about her. She's no icon. You want iconic, you need to look at people like Eleanor Roosevelt, Martha Washington, Laura Bush, and Michelle Obama.
The Distant Dead by Lesley Thomson
"An investigative journalist on the trail of a murderer dies in the arms of Stella Darnell, cleaner turned detective." Seriously? What's her skill set? Finding the dirt on people? Barf.
Sons of Valor by Brian Andrews, Jeffrey Wilson
"Navy SEAL Keith "Chunk" Redman" Really? Chunk? Redman? Please don't tell me you're going to have him be of American Indian extraction? "...and his elite special ops team must take on a new terrorist group with deadly military power." Another Navy SEAL story? Because we sure don't have anhywhere enar enough stories where the operatives eat bullets for breakfast and don't even shit lead.
Sei Thrillers: Books 1–3 by Ty Hutchinson
"The first three novels in a nail-biting series!" How thrilling can they be when the author has to unload them dirt cheap, three at a time? "When ex-assassin Sei is given the chance to find the daughter she thought she lost, she’s pulled back into the life she swore off." Yet another tired trope cliched 'comes out of retirement' bullshit tale. There must be a shit-ton of people coming out of retirement days; so how can Social Security be so pressured for funds? LOL!
Played to Death by BV Lawson
"In this Shamus Award finalist" That tells me all I need to know about the Shamus award's utility! "...former FBI agent Scott Drayco inherits a dilapidated opera house that he hopes to sell. The only problem: A corpse with the letter “G” carved into its chest has just showed up within its walls… Can Scott solve the crime before he becomes the next fatality?" And Scott has to solve this because the locals cops are? Useless? Non-existent? All corrupt? They did it? Barf.
Getting Schooled by Emma Chase
"When cocky coach Garrett’s teenage sweetheart starts subbing at his school, he offers to show her around" Barf! No. Just no.
Leads & Lynxes by Rebecca Chastain
"Journalist Kylie has the lead of a lifetime - but how far will she go for a story? She and her gargoyle companion..." Okay, let me out right there. Another dumb-ass story qwith another Disney animal companion. Barf!
Pride and Premeditation by Tirzah Price
Kerri Maniscalco says this is "A romantic and entertaining page-turner." Who the fuck is Kerri Maniscalco? Never heard of her. Why should I give a flying shit what she says? Seriously? What kind of dumb-ass publisher would put this in a book blurb like it has any meaning whatsoever to the massive majority of readers out there? Another Austen rip-off that adds nothing to the canon, but wet powder. When murder strikes London’s high society, aspiring lawyer Lizzie sets out to solve the case - but infuriating and handsome Darcy keeps interfering" Seriously? This tired retreaded trash is the best you got? 'Infurating' handsome guy? Barf to the max. This is cookie-cutter clone cliché garbage, pure and simple. Now if the author's name were Fanny Price, she might get some traction. As it is, it's just an unrelieved pain in the ass.
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