"Julianna, an overworked nurse practitioner, is not thrilled about attending a stuffy hospital gala. When she meets handsome stranger Noah, their sparks lead to a hot one-night stand." And Julianna spends her next few months exploring the cornucopia of antibiotics available to in her hospital, in desperate hoeps tha tone fo them will fight the resistant sexual disease this dipshit contracted by having unsafe sex on the first date with a complete stranger. Moron.
Sunday, September 12, 2021
The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards
I refuse to read novels where the main female character is reduced to being an appendage of someone else right from the title. She's not a whole person in herself, she's just someone's daughter! "After his wife gives birth to twins, Dr. David Henry makes a shocking decision that will echo throughout his family’s future." Yep, he conjoins the twins and makes a super baby.
The First Protectors by Victor Godinez
"Navy SEAL vet Ben just wants to live restfully with his dog" How many times, exactly has this 'expert brought out of retirement' bullshit been written? About a hundred too many. Unimaginative, repetitive, clone. Barf.
Crown of Coral and Pearl by Mara Rutherford
No wonder the Kirkus Jerkoffs loved this. Is there any written word they don't like? If you love every book, your reviews are worthless. This dumbass plot has twins and brothers and a love triangle. Here it is. Check your higher brain functions at the front cover: "Nor is chosen to marry prince Ceren after her identical twin is injured." Why? "But she soon falls for his brother, Talin" Of course she does and Ceren is the evil bro. Yeah right. Barf.
Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry by Joya Goffney
No wonder the dipshits at the Kircus circus loved this. "After Quinn’s journal goes missing, a mysterious blackmailer threatens to leak its contents to her whole school — unless she faces her worst fears." Ri-ight. She's a fuckign highschooler. What secrets can she have exactly? But go ahead and let the blackmailer win instead of running his or her ass in to the police. yawn.
Port Danby Cozy Mystery Series: Books 1–3 by London Lovett
"In a charming seaside town, flower shop owner Lacey Pinkerton uses her exceptional sense of smell to sniff out killers! Follow her sleuthing..." Nope. That word made me feel ill. Besides, if she can literally sniff out killers, why is she in a little seaside town instead of doing some real good in a murder capital like Chicago? Barf. These cozy mystery (so-called) assholes want to treat murder like it's a cute little hobby. It isn't. It's fucking murder.
Saturday, September 11, 2021
Your Way Series: Books 1-3 by Jamey Moody
"Can three best friends - Frankie (Sinharder), Desi (Ornoz), and Stella (Gutter-Groove) - run their own dream business together (clearly from the title it's a Burger King franchise) and find love when they least expect it?" Nope. They all end up murdering each other in the deep fat fryer in volume 3, but until then it's mustard.... Seriously, WTF did you expect? What kind of dumb-ass question is that? Nothing to read here.
In Cold Blood by Jane Bettany
"When DI Isabel Blood is summoned to investigate a body in the back garden of the house where she grew up 40 years earlier, she discovers she cannot escape the secrets of her past." So what do we have here? Yet another series where the main character's asinine name is used tediously in endless permutations in the title and an investigator who has a darkly secret past? So in short, there's not a single thing that's remotely new in this series! Nope. It's precisely the same as all other such series. What other titles can there be? Blood Will Out? Blood Brothers? Bad Blood? Blood and Guts? Blue Blood? Blood Diamonds? Fortunately this is going to be a short series. I do have a soft spot for the name Jane, but yawn!
Prime Deceptions by Valerie Valdes
I got all excited thinking this was an exposé of Amazon's business practices, but it's actually just a novel. "When Captain Eva Innocente sets out to find a missing scientist, she crisscrosses space with the crew of La Sirena Negra, her estranged mother, and a contingent of psychic cats!" The captain is named Eve the innocent? Seriously? No, the truth here is that the crew are a bunch of pussies and the captain ain't as innocente as she seems! Dumb-assery at its best. Barf.
Charlotte's Search: The Complete Series by Simone Leigh
"In this erotic BDSM box set, Charlotte navigates life with her dominant lovers, James and Michael. Will a wedding bring her the happiness she seeks? An explosive ménage romance!" This title needs to be renamed Ménage to Society. Or Middling Ménage-ment. Barf. And if it's a boxed set I want a goddammned motherfucking box. okay?
A Thin Line by Craig N Hooper
"After being framed for murder by someone he was supposed to have killed, former agent Garrison Chase races to clear his name." Waht agent? Insurance? Travel? And Chase races? Toward the finishing thin line? Barf.
The Inverted Pyramid by AC Fuller
"In the lead-up to a presidential election, Alex Vane's business partner disappears, leaving behind a strange trail that leads right to a recently murdered hacker. Can Alex unravel the case" or will he have the smarts to get the fuck out of the way and leave it up to the experts in the Secret Service? There's no point to the inverted pyramid.
Treason Flight by TR Matson
"As US Navy pilot Jack "Rattler" Owen" Stop right there! Time to tell this author to jack off for using the world's most appallingly meaningless, over-employed, go-to tough guy name ever. Get a new shtick. Please.
The Case of the Green-Eyed Sister by Erle Stanley Gardner
Does anyone really care that Scott "I used to be an attorney" Turow thinks this is a brilliant series? The plot has it that: "When a case of blackmail leads to murder, defense lawyer Perry Mason must untangle a deadly web of secrets and lies." Nope. All he has to do is defend his client. The name 'Perry Mason means 'a bricklayer who dwells by a pear tree', but let's talk about the real culprit here: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I put it to you that this author never was a gardener; nor is he an earl. So in truth, can we really rely on anything he says? With that last name maybe this should be retitled "The Case of the Green-Tumbed Sister"?
By Wind by T Thorn Coyle
The biggest problem with this story is that the author has actually drunk the Flavor Aid, and she believes everything she writes: the magic, the aroma therapy, the healing power of crystals, and so on. That's all bullshit, and it wouldn't even be so bad if she didn't preach her religion instead of writing a novel.
Worse even than this is that the story is so tediously lethargic that it drags and drags, and drags and goes nowhere. I dropped this at 30% because literally nothing interesting had happened except for endless Cassandra-style wailing about, as John Fogerty put it, a bad moon arising. In short, up to when I quit, there was no story and what there was instead was awful.
I mean, for example, Brenda, the leader of the 'coven' has a closer-than-a-sister best friend whom she's known for years, yet not once has she confided in her over this bad feeling she's been having until she's pretty much forced into an 'intervention' of sorts! How close can they be when Brenda won't even call or drop her best friend a text? It's tell one thing, but show another all the way here.
The plot, such as it is, is that new age garbarge shop owner Brenda, 'has a bad feeling about this' but what 'this' is, she can't say. She supposed to be a witch, but none of her purported magic, nor that of her 'coven' is of any value whatsoever since no one can tell her anything useful. Plus, she's hearing voices. This woman is in dire need of lithium and psychotherapy.
The other metronomc voice in this tediously tick-tock story is of her purported lover-to-be, Caroline, who is, of course a magical crystal saleswoman. The problem is that at 30% these two had barely even said 'hello'. The blurb asked stupidly (as usual) "Who - or what - stalks Caroline?" Well that would be her control-freak husband who Caroline is apparently too stupid to ditch despite all the freedom she has. The blurb boasts, "Brenda and her coven must act swiftly, before the coming storm blows them all away." Given how ineffective those losers are, it ain't gonna happen. This story was truly bad and boring.
Friday, September 10, 2021
Judas Horse by Lynda La Plante
"From an Edgar Award-winning author" who evidently didn't win for original character names. "After a mutilated body is discovered in an English country home, detective Jack Warr" Jack as a main character name is an automatic reject for me. But Jack Warr? Seriously? Barf.
The Devil's Bones by Jefferson Bass
"When a woman's burnt body is found seated inside a burned car" Wait, a burnt body inside a burned car? How in hell did that happen? That just burns my biscuits! Now if it had been written by Sam Bass, I might've been interested! Dumb-ass book description for sure.
Gold Mine Massacre by William W Johnstone, JA Johnstone
I donlt normally pay any attentiont o dumb-ass Westerns. "When two businessmen arrive in the town of Big Rock" Big Rock seriously? "to mine for gold, Smoke Jensen" Smoke? Seriously? "and his daughter, Denny," Tough horny hombres love to eat at Denny's.... barf.
Will Harper Mysteries: Vol. 1-6 by David Crosby
"Reporter turned private investigator Will Harper navigates Florida's waterways in his yacht as he hunts down the state's most slippery criminals." What are they? Porpoises? The police refer to them as poips - it's short for poipetrators. LOL! And Whip(smart) poor Will thought there was something fishy going on! Was he ever wrong! It was mammaly.... Barf.
Calculated Deception by KT Lee
"When professor Ree Ryland is framed for a crime, she joins forces with FBI agent Parker Landon to help pin the real culprit." What? She's going to pin him? Is she going to wear his letter jacket? How romantic! "But the evidence they find points to a diabolical plan" Diabolical? Oh my god! Call the FBI! Oh wait, he's already come! He'll get on it as soon as they get out of bed.... Ree Ryland? Ree-ly? Does the FBI memo about this case have a subject line that reads: Re: Ree? Why not name her Ree Ree Reeurboat? LOL!
The MacTaggart Brothers Trilogy by Anna Durand
"Who can resist a man in a kilt?" Me! I volunteer. This is another condescending look at Scotland by an American author: "When the sexy, Scottish MacTaggart brothers travel to the US, their charming brogues and fiery passion will lead to red-hot connections" and lots of penicillin shots. Barf. Stereotype much?
Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb
"Dragons have returned to Rain Wilds - but they can no longer fly." Oh my fucking god! What a tragedy! How did they get back to Rain Wilds? Uber? Electric scooter? Light rail? Dragon their asses overland? Yawn.
Caulky by KM Neuhold
"Newly single Ren isn't ready for another relationship" Of course he isn't. "...but he can't seem to resist hot contractor Cole," Hot - Cole? Get it? Barf. Is this contractor going to caulk his holes? You bet your ass. Because this is all about sex. Love and a relationship have nothing to do with it, nor will they ever in this ridiculous genre, and every single one of them who isn't ready for a relationship inevitably ends up in one....
Ignite the Sun by Hanna C Howard
"An evil witch queen..." Evil. Withc. Queen. Seriously? "...has shrouded her kingdom in shadow" Why? And how is this causing problems, just out of curiosity? Not that this plot hasn't been done to death. "...but 16-year-old Siria is determined to restore the light. With the help of a motley group of rebels," That's where I'm looking for the exit, right there. Motley? Quirky? Count me out. And Siria? Siriasly? What's her BFF's name? Alexia? Besides, the sun was ignited some four or five buillion years ago wasn't it?! Siria's a bit late to the party.
The Event by Whitney Dineen
"When an embarrassing faux pas cuts her dream career short, Emmie reluctantly returns home to Creek Water, Missouri. Can she survive as the subject of small-town gossip?" I'm guessing yes and she'll meet the heartthrob of her life. Yet another useless female main character running away instead of fighting back. How unexpected! Not! Barf.
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