Lightwave Clocker by AM Scott

Rating: WARTY!

Erratum:
“None of his questions did anything bur raise more questions” - 'but raise'

This is one of those dumb-ass sci-fi slash fantasy novels where every other character has an apostrophe in their name. Well it's not quite that bad, but near enough! That was the first problem with it. The second was that it moved too slowly, and the third that Saree, the main character, immediately fell for the ship's captain (cliché much?) who was the usual trope chiseled bad boy. Barf.

That was enough to turn me off this. I sure as hell have no intention of reading a series where the main character weakly fan-girls the chiseled dude ad nauseam. It's such an overdone trope I'm surprised his name wasn't Jack. Jack Hoff. That and the annoying computer "Hal" who insisted on using Saree's name every. Single. Time. It. Spoke. To. Her. That's how annoying it was. In a way I could understand her using its name so the computer knew she was addressing it rather than simply talking to herself, but it really didn't need to use hers when responding. Yawn.

Saree is a clocker. Somehow - it's not made clear how, at least not in the portion I read - she has an ability that a secretive alien race has to keep exact time. This race is responsible for maintaining the 'fold clocks' which allow everyone to sync to the same time when 'folding' or warp traveling. Why that's important isn't made clear, or if it is, I missed it. She maintains some of the clocks on behalf of this race with which she grew up (again no idea how or why). This makes her somehow a savior to trillions, but also a target for kidnappers, although why anyone woudl want to disrupt what she does is again unclear.

So not too-well thought out and far too vague for me. The most interesting character was Loreli, but she gets only a walk on part here and there. Given how vague and slow-moving this story was, and how pathetic the main character was, I can't commend this, I guess it was slow because it's a series and the author and publisher want to drag it out so they can keep suckers hooked for as long as possible, but it doesn't work on me and is one of the several reasons why I'm not much of a fan of series.

Arsenal by Jeffery H Haskell

Rating: WARTY!

Amelia Lockheart (Earhart much?) is the Arsenal of the title, but the shorter version, Arse would have worked perfectly. The book is first person present tense which is awful. Even after I gave it a chance and let it play on it failed for me because it wasn't believable It was an audio book and the reader's voice (Emily Beresford) seemed completely wrong for the character and way immature for her age, which is 20 or so.

Amelia has only two claims to fame: she's supposedly an inventor genius, and her legs are paralyzed. She's also supposed to be on a quest to find out what happened to her parents, although she never actually pursues this despite her supposed genius. The thing is that she's a direct rip-off of Ironheart of the Marvel superhero universe with a solid dash of Iron Man. Wears a super-duper alloy mechanical suit that's highly weaponized? Check. She can modify the suit to do anything? Check! Parents not on the scene after car accident? Check (except in Ironheart, only daddy is out of the picture). She carries a nuke into the upper atmosphere to save an American city? Check. Yawn. Move along. There's nothing new to see here.

There is of course a plot against her by super-mega-hyper-corp which is what the author no doubt believes will carry this turkey through several volumes. Count me out. The problems are multiple. First person voice is too ridiculous to read unless it's done really well, and for an action story like this, the idea that the main character is narrating this through all kinds of deathly situations made it feel completely inauthentic to me. It made even less sense to start the story in the middle of a battle without any sort of a lead-in whatsoever. Were it not in first person that might have worked, but you can't have both and have me as an avid reader.

So I was turned off right from the start, but stayed with it for a while and started getting into it a bit, but the main character really wasn't interesting and was a consistent disappointment. The one thing I detested about Tony Stark was how selfish he was. Even on his best day he failed to be all he could be. I mean you heard talk about the 'Stark Foundation' or whatever it was called, but whatever it did, and however much he may have donated to it, still Tony Stark led a selfish, self-indulgent multi-billionnaire life, buying whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and squandering so much money.

That's not a quality I can admire in anyone. He had all this technology but never shared any of it. He never used his genius and technology, for example, to help people who had handicaps. Amelia has the same problem and it;s worse with her because she has one herself and knows directly what it;s like. In the story, she's often told that she could sell her technology and become rich, but with twenty million in the bank she ain't hurting. The thing is that she could have donated at ;east some of her technology to enable others to have the same mobility she enjoyed - and not to fly around bombing and sonic lancing villains, but just to be able to move and walk, and yet it never crosses her mind. How selfish is that? A real hero would have helped.

Worse, we really got nothing about the handicap she had to deal with - it was like it didn't exist except to get a mention in passing, because the suit nullified it and she was so rarely out of the suit. The worst part of this though was when she started swooning over another superhero type named Luke. He was your trope chiselled muscular type which really turned me off because it's such a cliché. Why not go the whole hog and name him Jack?!

There was a female character who got a lot of description about her looks - because as you know looks are the only important thing in the world. The way Amelia kept describing her made it sound like there was going to be a lesbian relationship in the offing and that would have been more palatable than Mr Steely Jaws, but Amelia doesn't lean that way or even question her obsession with Domino's looks, which begs the question as to why she's crushing so badly on this other character. Maybe because the author's male? It woudl be really interesting to see what a female author would have done with this story.

The worst part though was when Luke encounters Amelia out of her chair and immediately assumes she's had an accident and is helpless, which rightly pisses Amelia off, but just a few paragraphs beyond that, Luke has to carry her somewhere and she's all swooning and wilting over how strong he is. I about barfed right there and then and quit listening because it was so pathetic and hypocritical and a complete about-turn from where we;d been just a few words before. Yuk. Way to diminish your main character. I'm done with this story and this author and I will not commend it. This is about as warty as they get.

The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton

Rating: WARTY!

My evidently ill-fated quest to read some of the classics continues! For the life of me I cannot see how this won a Pulitzer Prize. Set in the late nineteenth century, the novel was published in 1920, and was about an era during which the author grew up, so at least it has an authenticity which modern historical novels of this era cannot pretend to. That said, the main characters were two of the most stupid people I've read about, so for me, while the novel wasn't exactly awful, it ended-up being thoroughly unsatisfying.

The idiots are Newland Archer and Countess Elena Olenska, who used to be one of the locals - a Mingott, who married a Polish count and then realized it was a mistake. Evidently having learned nothing from that, she screws up any hope of a love with Newland because she's an idiot, I guess, aka a hopeless romantic. Had the novel been about her and she not rendered quite so idiotically, the story might have been worth reading.

Newland, meanwhile is a lawyer, so it's rather nice to see him get done over! He's engaged to May Welland, and it seems to be a perfect match, but obviously it isn't that way from his perspective because he wants out of it! Failing to find the courage to withdraw, he spends his life in smoldering resentment it when he could so easily have called it off. May even accepted the possibility that he might and encouraged him to do so if he could not bear to marry her, but he refused. Moron. The manipulative May then decides she will spend the rest of the novel denying him any opportunity to renege on his choice and she succeeds admirably, so despite how little she appears in the novel she's also an interesting character.

Character names are important to me and I choose the names of my own main characters with some thought. I have no idea how Wharton chose her character names, but 'new land' for a guy who is too chicken-shit or stupid to explore the terra nova of an unconventional woman is a joke, although it does pair with May's name, 'well land' quite comfortably, I suppose. May Safeland would have been a better name! Archer is certainly a major fail for someone who is so comprehensively unable to make himself the target of Cupid's aim. I don't know what Olenski means in Polish, but in Bulgarian it means reindeer! Maybe instead of 'Age of Innocence' the novel ought to have been titled "Reindeer Games?!

So Newland leads his boring life, has children with May and gets old, until May dies. Instead of pursuing the countess at that point, when he was free to do so, he deliberately walks away from her without even offering her a choice in the matter, thereby proving his love was hollow, or he's a complete imbecile. Either one made this book a severe disappointment. I can't commend this particular novel as a worthy read, but I would consider reading other material by this author.

Pete the Cat Checks Out the Library by James Dean

Rating: WORTHY!

Pete the Cat. What can we say about him? Hmm. This was a fun little book encouraging children to use the library. Pete is evidently done with his cattin' around days, and wants to pursue some scholarly...er pursuits, so off he sidles to the library and spends a tail-flicking day really getting into some books, imagining he's having the very adventures the books describe, escaping danger by a whisker and leaving the library feline fine.

This was a fun book for young kids with lots of color and cute pictures and I commend it as a worthy read.

Ten Twinkly Stars by Russell Julian

Rating: WORTHY!

This is a counting book - or a countdown book for young children, teaching them the numbers from one to ten. Or rather, from ten to one which are coincidentally the odds of your child staying awake until the end, as you read this to them. It has little cut-outs for the stars, which diminish by one with each turn of the page and which are made for little fingers to explore - although the paper isn't exactly tough, so be mindful of the per page potential for a stellar holocaust!

The art is well done, especially the camel which is completely dun, and each page consists of pictures of animals from around the globe, so there's lots of color and interest - as well as counting - going on, and I commend this as a worthy read. If only the last page had a squeeze pack of knockout gas in the event that the child failed to fall asleep by then it would be perfect, but one can't have everything, can one? Where would one keep it?!

Note that this is another of those corporate books where the illustrator, Russell Julian, gets credited, but no writing credit is offered. Just FYI. It seems we authors can't count on Caterpillar Books..../p>

Mermaid Adventure by Neville Astley, Mark Baker

Rating: WORTHY!

I have no idea what the deal is with Peppa Pig, but lest anyone accuse me of impugning her porkritude, let me trot this one out as well. While I consider the Family Trip volume to be pork scratching the bottom of the barrel, this one wasn't sexist and told a decent story for young children, so I consider this to be a worthy read. I consider it paints a decent porktrait or pigture of this cartoon animal, but that's all I have to say about Peppa, salty as it is.

Note that Astley and Baker are the creators of the Peppa, but whether they had anything to do with this book is unclear to me!

Family Trip by Neville Astley, Mark Baker

Rating: WARTY!

I have no idea what the deal is with Peppa Pig. It seems like poor art and flat stories. This volume was sexist to the max with all the traditional female roles filled by...females! And vice-versa. Not that there was any vice here let it be said. Perish the thought. Peppa wasn't particularly interesting, educational, or amusing, or in any other way any different from any other critter in animation, so why the fuss? What's the point? You got me. I can't commend this one.

Note that Astley and Baker are the creators of the Peppa, but whether they had anything to do with this book is unclear to me!

Uni's First Sleepover by Amy Crouse Rosenthal, Brigette Barrager

Rating: WARTY!

This My Pony (or whatever that show is called!) rip-off is really not worthy. It consists of four unicorns going to a sleepover (as if!), and playing games, and everyone but Uni is good at something. When it comes to bedtime, it turns out that Uni is really good at sleeping. No - kidding! It turns out - surprise! - that Uni is good at telling calming stories. Seriously? That's all you got? Can't Uni at least fart rainbows?

The art, the book cover says, is "based on art by Brigette Barrager." I don't know what that means. If Barringer didn't draw it, then who did, and why not use her name (or his)? Something smells here and it's not Unicorn farts. As if! Can't commend this.

Ryan's Pizza Party

Rating: WARTY!

This is a corporate book from a TV show maybe? Which evidently doesn't believe in giving credit to the actual writers and artists. Shame on them. Although it occurred to me that since the book kinda sucked, maybe the author and artist didn't wish their name associated with it?

Yeah, Pizza is fun, but this book made no attempt to talk about healthy eating - no salad with pizza was on this menu, nor did it care about gluten sensitivity or vegetarians. It was all about stuffing pizza down kids' throats and that's all she ate. There wasn't even a word about clean-up after the pizza fest. I can't commend a book like this when around two-thirds of American adults are overweight or obese, including our president, and those precedents are set during childhood WARTY!

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Hair Love by Matthew A Cherry, Vashti Harrison

Rating: WORTHY!

I loved this book about a young girl and her wild hair, and I loved how she was helped by her father, not by the usual go-to mother in these stories, so this one had everything going for it, including great art by Harrison. The book comes from a film of the same name which won Best Animated Short Film in last February's Oscars. You can find the film on You Tube. The book omits certain aspects of it.

Depending on how she has her hair done, Zuri can transport herself into one adventure or another, but her hair is so willful that she can't always tame it, so her dad helps and they finally win through. The story was sweet and fun, and offered some mind-stimulating ideas, and I commend it fully as a worthy read.

The Story of Rap by Caterpillar Books, Lindsey Sagar

Rating: WORTHY!

This book made it under the wire despite being slightly inauthentic - presenting everything as beautiful in the world of rap when, for example, the rivalry between some rap performers is at best antagonistic, but given that we don't really want to get into that in a children's book, I let that slide! I have to say I'm not a fan of this musical genre, but this book told a worthy tale about it and deserves acknowledgement.

Rap's generally considered to be about fifty years old, but it has distant roots going way back to West African performance art, so it's got serious game. The book though focuses mostly on rappers of recent history and says a word or two about some of the best know while telling a little bit of history and a finely illustrated story, so I commend it as a worthy read.

Chocolate Me by Taye Diggs, Shane W Evans

Rating: WORTHY!

There's another book about racism written by a Hollywood celebrity, and which I felt was a much better approach than the one taken in Sulwe, and that's this book which is less well-presented and arguably aimed at a younger age range, but which offers a more genuine message, although this business of describing people of color in terms of edibles (chocolate, café-au-lait, brown sugar,etc.) is getting old.

Despite that, this book felt more authentic and felt maybe somewhat autobiographical. It's told with a heartbeat to it, hitting on the word chocolate routinely as this poor kid goes through some humiliations, but in the end he comes bouncing back and the story felt good, alive, and realistic. I commend it as a worthy read.

Sulwe by Lupita Nyong'o, Vashti Harrison

Rating: WARTY!

I'm a fan of Nyong'o's acting, but for me this story about racism - a darker black kid being less accepted/acceptable than a lighter black kid - while not an inauthentic story of how cruel life can be - went astray. While it does make the point that racism between certain people of color and people of another color is a fact of life (it's not just whites hating on blacks), and while the artwork is wonderful in the book, for me the focus was far too much on looks and not on personality or what a person can contribute.

I can never forget all the fuss that was made when the four major beauty titles were all held by women of color: Ms America, Ms Teen USA, Ms Universe, Ms USA, but no one said a word about the two biggest problems with taking satisfaction from this: it's all about skin-depth looks, and all of these women of color arguably looked little different from your typical white 'beauty queen' who'd got herself a decent tan.

The huge diversity of people of color - not just in their color, but in how they look as well - wasn't even remotely represented in this keyhole view selection of these cookie-cutter winners. This, for me, is where this book lost some of its footing, too. It could have gone deep with a message, but instead it seemed to tiptoe around it, staying at skin-depth as though Sulwe was the only dark person and everyone else was a bland generic "coffee" color. No. Just no.

We're obsessed by looks, especially in Nyongo's world of Hollywood, and I was disappointed we got none of that coming through here. The book seemed much too willing to dwell on outward façades, deal with black and white, forget shades of gray, and ignore what's inside a person. But arguably worse than this, is the fact that family seemed to play little role here. Sulwe is the darkest member of her family, her sister being much lighter, but never do we see her sister coming to her aid or trying to ensure Sulwe is included. It's like the two were strangers and it sent a bad message.

Even that might have played a part in the story had Sulwe been shown as developing inner strength, but this opportunity wasn't made use of. Sulwe made no effort - everything was done for her or two her. She was as passive as you can get. Nyong'o didn't even scratch the surface - but that's not something you want to do when it's all about looks now is it? I can't commend this book at all.

Macca the Alpaca by Matt Cosgrove

Rating: WORTHY!

So it's once again time to look at some more children's books before this month gets too serious. Here are a few, and it's a mixed bag, starting with this one which was amusingly titled and tells the tale of Macca - the alpaca - who is a friendly sort of a guy, but then he meets Harmer the Llama, who isn't a charmer and the contest begins, Macca seeming always to come out ahead.

I like the way Macca uses his brains (when he could easily have used Brian's...) and how brawn doesn't count for much in this contest. The illustrations were amusing and nicely-drawn and colored and the story was a warm one, so I commend this as a worthy read although it occurs to me that the author might have chosen less potentially controversial colors than white and brown for his animals.

Victory Conditions by Elizabeth Moon

Rating: WORTHY!

This is the final volume of this five-book series known as the Vatta Wars or Vatta's War, and which consists of Trading In Danger, Marque And Reprisal, Engaging The Enemy, Command Decision, and Victory Conditions. The main character is Kylara Vatta, who in volume one parlayed a shit-assignment of delivering an old spacecraft to a breaker's yard into having her own ship. Kylara is a disgraced military recruit, who uses her military training to keep on step ahead of rivals and out of trouble - with varying degrees of success.

It's taken Kylara three volumes to finally get her defense force up to a decent size where she can take on the pirates. Her first port of call is a shipyard where vessels are being built that the pirates intend to pirate and bring into their own fleet, Kylara meets them head on and denies them the success they expected, but loses her own spacecraft in the process. This defeat though enables her to sneak around while she'd believed dead and in the end, as you know would happen, defeat the pirates.

There were parts of this series that I didn't particularly enjoy: for example, Kylara's love interest did not inspire me at all. There were also some lengthy and tedious boring bits, but overall I consider this series to be a worthy read, and I commend it as such.

Command Decision by Elizabeth Moon

Rating: WORTHY!

This is volume four of a five-book series known as the Vatta Wars or Vatta's War, and which consists of Trading In Danger, Marque And Reprisal, Engaging The Enemy, Command Decision, and Victory Conditions. The main character is Kylara Vatta, who in volume one parlayed a shit-assignment of delivering an old spacecraft to a breaker's yard into having her own ship. Kylara is a disgraced military recruit, who uses her military training to keep on step ahead of rivals and out of trouble - with varying degrees of success.

Kylara Vatta started out as military, fell into disgrace, went limping back to her family's interstellar commerce, was successful, but was gradually forced back into military mode by piracy. This volume was a bit of a pause and a breath before the finale, since not a whole heck of a lot new happens. The villains who have taken down the purported galaxy-wide communications system have acted with speed and decision, and seem to be winning the battle. Everyone else has been wrong-footed and there seems to be little orchestrated effort to take on the pirates or to fix the damage they've done. This is the gap that Kylara is aiming to fill.

This to me is the biggest weakness with these space operas. You can't write about space in the same way you can, for example write about piracy on the high seas, yet far too many blinkered and short-sighted sci-fi writers (David Weber I'm looking at you) think you can translate 2-D Earth issues and events into outer space with very little thought or change. They simply do not get the massive size of space, and the fact that it's 3D. It results in stories which sound stupid and fake.

I for one have never been convinced that there would be a huge traffic in interstellar commerce and nothing I've read in a host of sci-fi stories has convinced me otherwise - not yet. They simply don't get the massive costs involved in interstellar travel even if warp vessels were invented, nor do they seem to appreciate the vast distances involved and the pointlessness of buying items from one planet that could far more easily and cheaply be manufactured on the planet where they're needed.

Yes, maybe a planet has something special that is found nowhere else, but would people truly want to pay the billions involved in having someone go there and bring that particular thing home? Often the thing is some sort of mineral or alloy, but the same elements found on Earth or in asteroids around the solar system exist throughout the universe. There's nothing out there that can't be found or manufactured here. There are no magical undiscovered elements, and any alloys or minerals can be recreated far more cheaply on Earth than the cost of flying interstellar distances to retrieved them. In short, it makes no sense.

That said, Moon tells a decent story and if you're willing to overlook some of the more incredible parts of the novel, an entertaining tale is to be had here.

Engaging The Enemy by Elizabeth Moon

Rating: WORTHY!

This is volume three of a five-book series known as the Vatta Wars or Vatta's War, and which consists of Trading In Danger, Marque And Reprisal, Engaging The Enemy, Command Decision, and Victory Conditions. The main character is Kylara Vatta, who in volume one parlayed a shit-assignment of delivering an old spacecraft to a breaker's yard into having her own ship. Kylara is a disgraced military recruit, who uses her military training to keep on step ahead of rivals and out of trouble - with varying degrees of success.

Despite the title, this particular volume has Kylara running more than engaging. She is intent upon taking on the pirates who were partly responsible for her family's woes thus far, but she makes little progress and worse, has a falling out with a cousin who's annoyed that Kylara seems more focused on fighting pirates than ever she is on conducting business, which is an odd change for Kylara, since she was hitherto all about profit and trade; however, they come to an agreement where Stella is to run the business while Kylara is to focus on protecting trade routes. It turns out that Kylara (unsurprising trope!) isn't who she thought she was.

Engaging the enemy is a bit of a misleading title because while she does engage in some mild ways, she really doesn't in the way you might think - as in having a space battle - not until the end, and even then she ends up fleeing and licking wounds. That said, the story was still exciting and engaging, so I enjoyed it and wanted to continue reading the series.

Marque And Reprisal by Elizabeth Moon

Rating: WORTHY!

Also known as Moving Target in some markets, this is volume two of a five-book series known as the Vatta Wars or Vatta's War, and which consists of Trading In Danger, Marque And Reprisal, Engaging The Enemy, Command Decision, and Victory Conditions. The main character is Kylara Vatta, who in volume one parlayed a shit-assignment of delivering an old spacecraft to a breaker's yard into having her own ship. Kylara is a disgraced military recruit, who uses her military training to keep one step ahead of rivals and out of trouble - with varying degrees of success.

In this volume, Kylara has delivered a shipment to a planet and is waiting on a return cargo when she almost becomes the victim of assassins who bomb her spacecraft. She soon learns that she's not the only target: Vatta ships and berths have been attacked elsewhere resulting in many deaths in her family. As Kylara arms herself and her ship she learns of a cranial implant she needs to get which will give her the control codes for, and complete access to, the family business.

She's forced into forming interesting and unlikely alliances and hiring a paramilitary outfit for security as she tracks down the person responsible for the attacks, who turns out to be someone very close to home. Again, another fun and engaging adventure which I commend, although I confess I didn't much like Kylara's love interest who was brought back for an encore appearance in this volume and who is the trope bad boy from a wealthy or important family. Yawn.

Trading in Danger by Elizabeth Moon

Rating: WORTHY!

Here's another series, this one a part of a five-book set known as the Vatta Wars or Vatta's War, and which consists of Trading In Danger, Marque And Reprisal (aka Moving Target), Engaging The Enemy, Command Decision, and Victory Conditions. The main character is Kylara Vatta, the lone girl in a large family of sons, who is trying to make her way in the world.

She has chosen to join the military rather than go into her family's business. The problem is that she runs into a situation where she's betrayed by a fellow cadet, and it results in her being expelled from the military academy and heading home with her tail between her legs. In that regard (female soldier screwed over by male colleague) it's very much along the lines of David Weber's main character in On Basilisk Station which also kicks off a series, although this is much more of a rebel sort of a story than a ramrod up the ass senseless military procedural like Weber's books are.

Despite this setback, Kylara finds herself with a chance to start back on the road to redemption, as she gets the opportunity to captain a Vatta vessel. It isn't much, but it's better than nothing and she can maybe build on this over time. Her lowly assignment is to pilot an aging ship to the knackers yard, and her father is taking no chances since he crews the vessel with old hands as much to keep a weather eye on his daughter as to make sure nothing goes wrong.

The thing about Kylara is that she may be a girl and she may be lowest on the totem pole at that, but she's a Vatta, and when the lure of 'Trade and Profit' pops up, she sees an opportunity to pick up a shipping contract that's let lapse by another company. She undertakes to meet the challenge, seeing the chance of making some money along the way to dropping off this clunker of a ship at the breakers - unless of course, she can upgrade the ship and maybe make it her own into the bargain. She soon discovers that it's not all plain sailing and Kylara's military instincts and training come into full prominence as a simple delivery of agricultural equipment turns into a chore of becoming a prison ship, and enduring a sort of a mutiny among the prisoners.

I enjoyed this book. Despite it being a part of a series, it held my interest and made me want to read on. It was different, off-beat, entertaining, and featured a strong and smart female character. I commend this and the series.

The Book of Heroic Failures by Stephen Pile

Rating: WORTHY!

This book is an hilarious list of failed attempts at various endeavors, and is divided into sections covering assorted general topics such as The World of Work, Off Duty, Law and Order, Playing the Game, The Cultural Side of Things, The Glory of the Stage, War and Peace, The Business of Politics, Love and Marriage, Stories we Failed to Pin Down, and The Art of Being Wrong.

Within each section, there's a paragraph or two about an unfortunate individual or entity that tried to achieve something and failed spectacularly in one one way or another, such as, in that first section, for example, "The Least Successful Explorer" and "The Least Successful Circus Act," and so on.

Some of these are merely amusing while others are laugh-out-loud funny, and there's everything in between. There are some two hundred pages of these entries, such as the Nigerian Laborer who manually altered his paycheck from the original nine pounds and change to over 697,000,000 pounds and of course failed. There's Edward Edwin Foot, the poet who could not write a line without adding footnotes to explain the words in it. There's the HMS Saintes, which fired at a target being towed by a tug, missed the target and hit the tug, sinking it, and on and on.

I commend this as a truly amusing collection of failures.

The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman

Rating: WORTHY!

This volume concludes the trilogy and begins with Mrs Coulter holding Lyra hostage having apparently had a change of heart toward her and now is not intent upon killing her but saving her. The two hide-out in a remote cave. Balthamos and Baruch, the angels, are intent upon conveying Will to Lord Asriel, but he's going nowhere until he's found Lyra.

The Magisterium is after physicist Mary Malone, sending an assassin to track and eventually kill her after she's led him to Lyra. Mary finds her way through a window between worlds and ends up in a weird place where the dominant species are in many ways rather elephantine creatures which use disk-like seed pods for traveling on natural roads, using the tree oil to lubricate these pod wheels. Mary makes her home in this world for a while and studies the people and the trees, discovering that the dust, leaking between worlds, is causing issues. It is she who invents the amber spyglass.

Will meanwhile has persuaded Iorek Byrnison to help him rescue Lyra. After this occurs they have one of the strangest adventures, wherein Will and Lyra and a couple of others have to visit the world of the dead, and this means leaving their dæmons behind, which is exceedingly painful to them, but they succeed in this heroic quest and survive. This changes Lyra's relationship with Pan, and the two of them can now be further apart than ever they were able before, without enduring the intense pain a separation normally causes. They then have to battle the ghost-like Gallivespians, and they do this by luring them into the world where Mary was hanging out, wand where the Gallivespians cannot survive.

Will and Lyra are now in love as evidenced by the cavorting of their dæmons, but it's a love that's destined to be denied, because they neither of them can survive indefinitely outside of their own world, and so are forced to separate for the rest of their lives, unable even to open a window, because of the leaking Dust problem. Despite this sad ending, I still commend this as a worthy read!

The Subtle Knife by Philip Pullman

Rating: WORTHY!

Will Parry is being sought by bad men, is taking care of his mother, and is obsessed over the disappearance of his father. He thinks that if only he can find his lost explorer father, then all his problems will be solved. He's wrong.

He deposits his mom with a family friend where he feels she will be safe while he goes to Oxford to try and find clues on his father's whereabouts, but the bad guys find him, and suddenly, having accidentally killed one of them, he's on the run, and he stumbles upon a window into a parallel world. In this world he runs into Lyra Silver-tongue, aka Lyra Belaqua, aka Lizzie, who has arrived in this world by following her father over the bridge he created by killing her best friend.

Serafina Pekkala, Lyra's witch friend who is always (very nearly always anyway) known and referred to by her full name for reasons unexplained is searching for her and eventually finds her in Cittàgazze, the city where 'spirits' suck the soul from children as soon as they become adults - however that's defined. When one of the local children is killed in such a way, the other children blame Lyra and Will, and it's only through the intervention of the witches that the two of them escape.

By this time, Will has come into possession of The Subtle Knife. This is a dagger-like implement which can cut through pretty much anything, including the thin veneer between worlds. Will was evidently destined to become the knife bearer, according to the old man, the previous knife-bearer who, now that Will has taken charge of the knife, quickly dies.

Before she is forced to flee C'gazze, Lyra has been with Will to our Oxford, and has met Mary Malone, a physicist who has been investigating dark matter, which turns out to be the very Dust of Lyra's world, and it also turns out to have a certain amount of intelligence.

During their sojourn in Oxford/Cittàgazze, Lyra and will were also forced to recover her alethiometer from Sir Charles Latrom, a man she encounters in Oxford, who knew of her device and stole it from her. He's really Lord Boreal, and in cahoots with Mrs Coulter, until, having extracted the secret of the knife from him, she murders him and sets off in search of this knife. If Lyra is destined to be the second Eve, then Mrs Coulter vows she will also kill her own daughter rather than risk a second fall.

Will finally encounters his father, known as Jopari or Grumman, and disappointing and unsatisfactory it is, too, but he does finally stanch the bleeding finger stubs where Will lost fingers when the took ownership of the knife.

This volume ends with Will returning to Lyra only to discover that she's been kidnapped. Her guardian witches have been killed by spirits, and her alethiometer is all that remains of her. That and two angels, Balthamos and Baruch who are insistent upon Will going with them to join Lord Asriel.

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman

Rating: WORTHY!

In my continuing effort to catch up with reviews of older novels I've read but never got around to reviewing, here goes! This is book one of the 'His Dark Materials' trilogy, and it's one which I've read at least thrice, twice for myself and once for my kids as bedtime stories. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It's brilliant!

I have to add, too, that the audio book which I review here is a treat. I think it's without doubt the best audio presentation to which I've ever listened. The whole thing is performed like a radio play, with a cast of some two dozen, including the author, Philip Pullman himself, narrating. All of them, including Pullman, do an exquisite job. Here's the cast list:

Sean Barrett............Lord Asriel/Iorek Byrnison
Andrew Branch...........Kaisa/Able Seaman Jerry
Douglas Blackwell.......John Faa/Iofur Raknison
Harriet Butler..........Bella
Anna Coghlan............Bridget McGinn
Rupert Degas............Pantalaimon
Alison Dowling..........Mrs. Coulter
David Graham............Jotham Santelia
Stephen Greif...........Martin Lanselius/Sysselman
Garrick Hagon...........Lee Scoresby
Andrew Lamont...........1st Gyptian Boy
Fiona Lamont............Martha
Alexander Mitchell......Hugh Lovat
Arthur Mitchell.........Charlie
Hayward Morse...........The Butler/The Chaplain
John O'Connor...........The Dean
Philip Pullman..........Narrator
Anne Rosenfeld..........Mrs. Lonsdale
Liza Ross...............Stelmaria/Billy
Suzan Sheridan..........Serafina Pekkala/Roger
Jill Shilling...........Ma Costa
Stephen Thorne..........The Master/Farder Coram
Rachel Wolf.............Annie
Joanna Wyatt............Lyra
Other parts were played by members of the cast

Because it's a book, this original novel can go into far more detail than the movie ever did, and every bit of the extra detail is well-worth the reading. It gives a much richer experience, and offers several important differences.

Lyra Belacqua is a girl on the cusp of her teens in an alternate reality where the world is very similar to ours in many regards, but very, very different in others. The most immediately evident of these is in the fact that each of the humans in Lyra's world has a dæmon - an animal companion which represents their soul, and which is inseparable from their human. Lyra's dæmon is named Pantalaimon, but she exclusively refers to him as 'Pan'. The daemon is nearly always of the opposite gender to their human and Pan is amazing, funny, and engaging.

Lyra's parents, we're told, are dead, and she was placed at Jordan college at the University of Oxford, by her uncle, Lord Asrael. She loves the college and is fiercely loyal to it, but is hardly the best student in the world, despite the fact that she is quite obviously precocious and quite smart. Instead she runs wild around the college grounds and in the city, "warring" with her Jordan friends against other colleges, and with other colleges against the townies, and with the townies against the Gyptian travelers who periodically come through the city on their barges.

Lyra loves to explore the college, and when the novel begins, she's in trouble in that she's in a part of the college where women are not allowed, much less children, but she cannot escape, and is reduced to hiding in a wardrobe. From there, she can spy on events through a crack in the door. She watches a meeting between some of the college faculty and Lord Asrael, where she learns about Dust - with a capital D. This isn't your pain to clean and polish kind of dust, but some species of elementary particle which Lord Asrael believes is entering their universe from a parallel world in a separate universe. He asks for and receives funds to go to the north to further investigate this. Why he must go north, I do not know - I guess it's because that's the only place where there's been evidence of this leak between worlds.

This is where we get a significant change from the novel. In the novel, it's the master of Jordan college who tries to poison Asrael by putting something in his favorite drink (Tokay, pronounced Toe-ky - rhymes with sky), whereas in the movie, it's the recognized bad guys, the magisterium - in effect the church authorities, who try to poison him. Lyra is the one who saves his life.

One of Lyra's fears, and the source of some of her games, is 'Gobblers'. These are mysterious shadowy people who are said to abduct children, and she learns that they've arrived in Oxford. In short order, one of her friends among the Gyptians, Billy Costa, and her close friend at Jordan, a servant boy named Roger Parslow both go missing and no one seems to care.

Lyra is indignant, but before she can get too far with her rage, she's rather distracted by the arrival of a woman who rapidly becomes her hero, Mrs Coulter. The latter is exotic, and traveled, and mysterious, and is a "friend" of Jordan college. Lyra is offered the opportunity to go and live with her and become an 'assistant' to her, so she can continue her education, but also learn the ways of women, with which the stodgy and almost exclusively male population of Jordan college cannot help her. Lyra leaps at the opportunity, but soon comes to regret it.

Before she leaves, the Master entrusts Lyra with 'the golden compass' a truth-divining device powered by Dust. It's golden in color, with cryptic symbols around the circumference, and four hands on its dial, three of which Lyra can set to point to the symbols, posing a cryptic question. The fourth then starts rotating and twitching between other symbols, thereby delivering an answer. No one seems to know how to operate this 'alethiometer' but Lyra, to her credit, slowly figures it out. The master tells her that it was a gift to the college from Asrael, and Lyra imagines that the Master wants her to return it to her uncle. He warns her sternly not to ever reveal its existence to Mrs Coulter.

Her time with Coulter is longer in the novel than in the movie, but the termination of it is very similar. She realizes, eventually, that the Gobblers is nothing more than a corruption of the acronym GOB (General Oblation Board) and she and Pan, having suffered somewhat at the hands of Coulter's evil golden monkey (Coulter's dæmon) sneak out one night when Coulter is holding a party. It's quite as precipitous and dramatic as the movie makes it look! They wander the strange streets of London, and end up down by the docks where they encounter some hostile locals, from whom they're rescued by the Gyptians, and they become guests on Ma Costa's barge as the Gyptians travel to East Anglia - the very place I spent several vacations when I was a child! Yes, I'm sure that's the reason they went there.

Lyra learns that she is much sought after by the police, so she lays low on the barge until they reach their destination, where she meets the king of the Gyptians, Lord Faa, and his side-kick, Farder Coram. She shows them the alethiometer. It turns out that the Gyptians are big friends of Asrael's because of his kindness to, and support of them, and they have been keeping an eye on Lyra on his behalf. Lyra also learns, much to her surprise and dismay, Lord Asrael and Mrs Coulter are her actual parents. The Gyptian council figures out, with Lyra's assistance, that the children who are being abducted are being taken to a place in the far frozen north called Bolvangar.

On the sailing boat northwards, and unlike in the movie, Lyra does not meet Serafina Pekkala, the witch lover of the younger Farder Coram, but instead meets her dæmon, which is a goose. Lyra is very impressed that the two can be so far apart. She also encounters two 'spyflies' - mechanical creatures which contain a sting with a sleeping potion in it. She and Farder Coram capture one and keep it in a tin for later destruction.

The novel tells a slightly different story to the movie when it comes to Lyra's recruitment of Iorek Byrnison and her meeting with Lee Scoresby. The movie does a better job. Soon the whole crew is heading out onto the ice and traveling the frozen forest.

At one point, Lyra discovers something truly weird in one of her alethiometer readings which precipitates a trip with the bear one night to a village some hours away, where a 'ghost' is supposed to be tormenting the villagers. It turns out that the ghost is actually Tony Makarios (not Billy Costa as the movie has it). He has undergone the 'intercision' process, meaning that he has been severed from his dæmon. The dæmon, "Ratter" is nowhere to be seen, and Tony has a piece of dried fish as a substitute.

He's pathetic and several stops past sad. Despite her fear and her repugnance over his 'condition", Lyra rescues him and returns him to the Gyptian party where he later dies. recalling an experience from her exploratory days at Jordan, and furious that the Gyptians had fed his dried fish "dæmon" to their dogs, Lyra takes one of her gold coins and carves Ratter's name onto it placing it in Tony's mouth before he is cremated.

Lyra smartly asks Iorek to employ his metal-crafting skills create for her a small tin, about the size of her alethiometer, so that she now has two - a real one, and fake one which contains the spyfly which they caught on the ship. Shortly after this, the party is attacked by Samoyeds, and Lyra is captured and delivered to Bolvangar, where she is sold. This part of the story is much more complex than the movie, which completely excludes the entire part covering the storage of severed dæmons, and Lyra's freeing of them with the aid of Serafina Pekkala's goose dæmon.

Knowing that aid is on its way, Lyra evolves an escape plan for the children, but she is caught spying on a meeting (hiding in the false ceiling, not under the table as in the movie), and the staff decides it's high time for her turn at the intercision process. She's rescued at the last minute (not quite as last minute as the movie depicts!) by Mrs Coulter of all people, who takes her back to her own room and comforts her, but Lyra is in no way fooled now by this woman. When Coulter asks for the alethiometer, Lyra lets her take the fake one, and Coulter is knocked-out by a sting from the spyfly. Lyra pulls the fire alarm, and the children flee into the frozen night.

After a melee, these children are finally linked-up with the Gyptians, and Lyra takes off with Lee Scoresby to continue her quest to find her father and deliver to him the alethiometer. Roger goes along with her, and Scoresby's balloon is towed by witches, which is where Lyra first meets Serafina Pekkala in person.

After more incidents, Lyra finally reaches Asrael, who is not interested in her compass, but in her companion. Lyra wakes up the next morning to discover that Asrael has left and taken Roger with him. She realizes that he intends to sever Roger from his dæmon in order to generate sufficient power to make a passageway to the other world which can be seen in the Northern Lights. Contrary to the movie, this is where Lyra crosses the crumbling snow bridge, but she arrives too late to save Roger.

Lyra has a breakdown at Roger's fate and her impotence to stop it, from which she is distracted by her observations of her father and mother reconciling. Asrael tries to talk her into crossing the bridge with him, promising to love her unconditionally if she does, but vowing to forget her completely if she does not. Coulter is sorely tempted, but in the end, she leaves, bound for England, whereas Asrael goes across the bridge he created and into the parallel world which is now opened up. Left alone, Lyra and Pan discuss their options. They decide to pursue Asrael and to try to find the source of the dust before he does so they can thwart any plans he has for it.

This is a brilliant novel, well-deserving of the accolades heaped upon it. I liked the move very much, but this is much more fulfilling and rewarding as are the other two novels in this Dark Materials trilogy. I fully commend then all.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling

Rating: WORTHY!

This tome (or even tomb) is the last of the series of course, and finally brings the much-awaited confrontation between Tom, Dick, and Harry - except there's no Dick. What happened to him? No one knows! So it's just Tom Riddle and Harry Potter, but it takes hundreds of pages before we actually get there. For me it's between this and volume five as to which is my favorite of the whole series. The part I like the most is the "road trip" where the three main characters go on the run, camping out in the wilds, enduring a horrible winter, alone and almost rudderless, as they try to figure out where the horcruxes are, and how to get them and destroy them.

The story is quite gripping, and very seductive. The death toll rises rather disturbingly right after we begin with the seven Harry Potters flying out of Privet Drive. Six of his friends and acquaintances drink poly-juice potion so they look like Harry, of course, but why Mundungus Fletcher was included is a complete mystery since he's totally unreliable. How he ever got into the order is an equal mystery. There was no reason that it had to be specifically seven people, so clearly it was done for no other reason than to kill off Mad-Eye Moody. And this volume is all about sevens, isn't it?! Seven Harrys. Seven horcruxes. Seven important deaths: Mad-Eye, Hedwig, Dobby, Remus, Tonks, George, and finally, Voldemort.

The seven Harry pairings were thus:

• Alastair "Mad-Eye" Moody
• Mundungus Fletcher
• Arthur Weasley
• Fred Weasley
• Bill Weasley
• Fleur de la Coeur
• Kingsley Shacklebolt
• Hermione Granger
• Nymphadora Tonks
• Ron Weasley
• Remus Lupin
• George Weasley
• Rubeus Hagrid
• Harry Potter

The seven horcrux repositories were these:

• Tom Riddle's Diary - destroyed by Harry with a basilisk fang in book 2
• Marvolo Gaunt's Ring destroyed by Dumbledore (with the sword of Gryffindor?)
• Salazar Slytherin's Locket destroyed with the sword
• Helga Hufflepuff's Goblet destroyed with a basilisk fang
• Rowena Ravenclaw's Diadem destroyed by fiend fire
• Tom Riddle's familiar: Nagini killed by Neville with the sword
• Harry Potter himself, killed by Voldemort himself

My question about the seven porters and their escorts is: Why didn't they all apparate (to the vicinity of their destination) soon as they saw the death-eaters, and then fly through the protections? This is a huge mystery. So what if they were traced - they were traced by the chasing death eaters anyway! Clearly it was all done for pure drama, but it made little sense.

Mad-Eye is inexplicably paired with Mundungus for the transition. The 'logic' here supposedly was that the death eaters would think that the most powerful wizard, Alastair Moody, would be the one protecting Harry, so why did they pair the weakest wizard with him, impersonating Harry? Why not put another really strong wizard there? It would seem that Rowling had decided to kill-off Moody and nothing was going to get in her way, so both Moody and Hedwig were lost, and Harry's ever-growing isolation was maintained at a rolling boil.

I also have to ask why there are always more death-eaters than ever there are good wizards and witches? The story makes it look like it's just a pitiful handful of folks in the order, and in the final stand at Hogwarts, and endless thousands of evil villains. Yes, in a situation like this there would always be more selfish than selfless, but by those proportions?

It seemed unrealistic because it strongly suggests that the overwhelming majority of witches and wizards were either evil or were cowards, which is nonsensical. It makes it look like there was barely another magician in the entire world who had a decent bone in their body. I don't buy that. It's a case of a writer focusing very tightly on a small handful of people and either forgetting or disregarding reality for the sake of making a point

I thought it was interesting how Rowling modeled the take-over of Voldemort's supporters on the rise of the Nazis under Hitler in the nineteen-thirties, but it's sad that she depicted people being just as blinkered and stupid now as they were back them - overlooking or ignoring or being blind to what was really going on, and being utterly unable to fight back even when they knew. Rather a lot of this series depended upon those qualities though, all designed (or ignored) for the purpose of bringing about that final confrontation at Hogwarts between Tom and Harry.

I mean seriously, when you think about it, all that needed to be done at the end was to have someone apparate behind Voldemort and perform a quick avada kadavra (another cool name - perhaps the coolest spell of all the ones Rowling invented). For that matter, why not have seven wizards apparate behind him and perform seven avadas, one to kill each of his horcruxes? If one worked on Harry, then shouldn't seven kill Voldemort? Why didn't avada work directly on the horcruxes for that matter? It was never tried.

Given how quickly and easily the protections on the Burrow fail when the ministry falls makes me wonder what the use was of the protections at all. Recall it wasn't just the ministry who provided the protections. The order did also. How did everything fail so quickly and comprehensively as soon as the ministry fell? Was the magic somehow tied to the ministry? There's no explanation given for this. Even if the fall of the ministry allowed the evil side to figure out what the protections were, that shouldn't mean they could beat them so readily, otherwise what was the point of applying them?!

If the protections were so weak, how come Voldemort couldn't defeat them that night when Harry fled Privet drive for the Tonks's residence? Exactly how did the fall of the ministry weaken the protections - especially the ones which the order applied? None of this was explained, much less made any sense at all, but it did make for a very dramatic appearance of Kingsley's patronus at the wedding, a panic, and a sudden flight for Harry, Hermione, and Ron.

Of course, if these so-called protections were of the weak-as-weasel-piss variety that was given to the philospher's stone in volume one, it's no surprise that they fell. It begs the question as to why Harry wasn't secreted at a location protected by the fidelius charm - as was 12 Grimmauld Place. Plot holes and weaknesses! Plot holes and weaknesses!

The wisdom of Dumbledore telling only Harry about the horcruxes is highly suspect. If he trusted Snape, why not have Snape seek them out? If he trusted the other members of the order, why not tell each of them? Sirius Black was on the run for two years before he died. Why didn't Dumbledore set him on the task of finding the horcruxes? Clearly it was because it had to be Harry all the way, but this was still a weakness in the story. It could just as easily have been written in a way that made it clear that Harry was the only one who could find them because of his link with Voldemort.

After a brief spell (pun intended) in Tottenham Court Road, the three travelers resort to hiding out at Sirius Black's (now Harry's) residence in Grimmauld Place, but how is this secure? Again Rowling's inability to set Snape down on one side or the other of this war is what trips the story up. If Snape knew where it was, then why did he not tell Voldemort and his followers? If Sirius's will made it clear that Harry owned the house, and the address was known, how come the Death eaters on guard outside couldn't see it? How come neither Nigellus Black nor any of the other Black family members in those portraits ever revealed the fact that the trio was in residence there? Plot holes!

After too much time passes, the three finally come-up with a plan to retrieve the locket from Dolores Umbridge which is a fun and exciting adventure and starts to build the Harry Potter rebel-on-the-run legend. The problem is that once they possess it, they can't figure out how to destroy it. They do at one point discuss the value of the basilisk fang, but they can't figure out how to get one. Plot hole! Why not have Dobby (or even Kreacher, after he became loyal to Harry) apparate into Hogwarts, grab a few fangs, and return with them? Obviously because the tension has to build, the fights have to ensue, the hopelessness has to make itself felt, before the downhill ride towards certain victory can take place, but it's still a plot hole.

This same solution applies to retrieving the goblet from Gringotts (another great name!). Why can't elves simply apparate into and out of there? Maybe the goblin magic was stronger than elf magic, but elves seem to be able to get anywhere - even "lowly" house elves - so why not there? Again because it would have robbed the story of a rather cool escapade in which the trio could be immersed - a robbery and a dramatic escape on a dragon.

Another issue is the depressing effect of carrying that locket. Why do they do this? It's not necessary. They could simply keep it in Hermione's bag, or wrap it in some sort of charm, but again it's necessary to the story to have the tension and dissension and the disruption, although why Rowling felt it necessary to split Ron away and leave Harry and Hermione together is a mystery.

At a later date Rowling suggested that she'd made a mistake in pairing Hermione with Ron. It should have been Harry and Hermione, she said, but that would have paired Ginny with Ron, which would have been completely out of the question! I think she made the right choice to do it as she did. Pairing Ginny with Harry was an enlightened choice. They simply seemed to fit, and Ginny was a very powerful witch in her own right. We saw nowhere near enough of her in the story, but keeping her romance with Harry largely out of it was a wise decision. It remains a mystery as to why Hermione would pair with Ron, but who cares, really?

Another option would, of course, have been pairing Luna and Harry since they did seem to bond. I'd like to recommend to Rowling that when she revisits the Potter world, as she inevitably must, that she follow Luna on some adventures! That said, it seems odd that the death eaters would hold Luna Lovegood hostage in volume 7. She really had no tight connection to the Harry-Hermione-Ron triumvirate. Yes, she was in the big fight in volume five, but she never really was part of the Harry entourage like the others (and even Ginny and Neville) were, so the connection/imprisonment felt a bit forced and odd to me.

I don't get the deal with Snape delivering the sword of Godric Gryffindor to Harry. How did he even know where Harry was? We were told that no one can trace those who apparate. If he knew where Harry was, then why didn't he betray him? Whose side is he on? If he's on Dumbledore's/Harry's, then why so hostile to Harry and helpful to Voldemort? If he's on Voldemort's then why so helpful to Dumbledore and Harry? None of this made sense. His loyalty to Lily certainly didn't extend to Harry as he demonstrated repeatedly. Harry was no better than James to him, and he detested James with a vengeance.

There's no explanation in the movie, but in the book we learn that Snape knows where Harry is because Nigellus overhears Hermione talking about going to the Forest of Dean, which is in Gloucestershire (pronounced Gloss-tuh-shuh). It's over forty square miles, and knowing Harry is in an area of that size doesn't remove the protective charms Harry and Hermione have been using. Now if Snape knew exactly where they were camping, then he could wait until one of them appeared outside of the charmed zone, but he doesn't have a clue where they are, and they routinely do not come out of the protection! How did he find Harry?

I don't get why Harry isn't completely honest with Griphook when they were planning the raid on the bank vault. They don't need to tell him about the horcruxes, but Harry could have promised him the sword, but when he's done with his task. He could have told him that the sword was crucial to completing the task and defeating Voledemort. In the end it didn't matter, of course, but it seemed an odd piece of writing, and made both Harry and Hermione seem much more duplicitous than they needed to be. To me this betrayed the whole "treat magical creatures as equals, not inferiors" thing which Hermione had going on.

Harry's connection to Voldemort proves to be extremely useful to him throughout this volume, keeping him abreast of what Voldemort is doing or thinking. It also reveals that the next horcrux is at Hogwarts and precipitates the final showdown. I don't get why Harry didn't seek to deprive Voldemort of the Elder Wand. I know he changed his focus back from the diversion into the hallows and onto the horcruxes, but just for the sake of depriving Voldemort and pissing him off, he could have had Dobby or Kreacher go get it as soon as he realized where it was.

It wasn't helpful at all that Dumbledore pushed him off track onto the hallows digression. It made no sense. It's like the deathly hallows was an entirely different story and it was something of a mystery to me as to why Rowling introduced it at this late stage. Obviously it was tied to the elder wand, but it seemed a bit much.

And speaking of unhelpful, Aberforth - who by then ought to have known what Harry was up to - could have been more helpful - especially when Harry and Co. were captured by snatchers. Another unhelpful character was Lady Helena. I don't get why the Grey Lady is so difficult to the point where she gives them a riddle instead of saying it's in the room of requirement. For that matter why didn't Harry simply ask the RoR to show him the location which contained the diadem?! If it responded to need, no one had a greater need than Harry right then of finding that thing!

So wouldn't Nagini have been thought the true owner of the Elder wand? It wasn't Voldemort who killed Snape, but Nagini. Voldemort must have been really stupid if he thought that he could "win it" by having someone else kill Snape. He must have been even more stupid if he thought he could win it when Snape didn't even physically possess it at the time! Once again Snape is inexplicably helpful in passing on memories to Harry after Voldemort mortally wounds him. How he doesn't immediately die remains a mystery, but then he couldn't have passed on those memories, of course!

But this is how Harry learns that he must die. I'm not sure of the point of bringing back the dead to accompany him through the forest, or how it worked the way it did - without problematic repercussions for Harry or for those he returned - his parents tell him they're with him all the way, but they have been conspicuous by their absence for the last seven years (as indeed was Sirius for the last two), not helping him at all. Nor do they help him now in any meaningful sense. He's never needed them to bolster his courage before, so in some ways it was weird, but in others, understandable.

As if to compound this dun of the dead error, Dumbledore shows up with Harry at King's Cross (another allusion to Harry as the Messiah/savior?!) after he's offered Harry no help at all for the entire last year! Again, dramatic, but senseless, as is Narcissa's sudden siding with him in the forest when she was ready duel with him during his escape from the Malfoy residence. This can be put down to her panic over the welfare of her child, but she has no reason to think Harry had anything to do with his survival.

The final battle royal(!) in which not only Fred Weasley, but also, oddly, the married couple of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks, all die is quite epic. I preferred the one in the book. Given that they had rendered the final volume into a two-parter for the movie, it was hard to understand why they changed so much. In the book, everyone gets to see Harry defeat Tom, fair and square in the dining hall. Nothing is hidden - there is no room for rumors to begin that Voldemort isn't dead. In the movie, he's robbed of this - defeating him with no witnesses, and then the body devolving into dust that blows away? What's to prevent anyone claiming he's still alive? Nothing! Bad move for the movie makers.

I want to say a final word about what is, in my view, the biggest indictment against Rowling in this whole series. Some would argue that it's the fact that she made Harry male instead of female, and it's a good argument, but it's not mine. Big publishing&Trade; would probably have made her change it to a male anyway - they made her change her name to initials (one of which she doesn't even have!). No, the problem is that we have a female writer who has created some great female characters, yet not once in the entire seven book series - 4,100 pages in the US version, 3,407 pages in the British version (which had a smaller typeface) - was there any bonding between any of the female characters.

Yes, there were females shown talking together and hanging out together, such as the Parvati sisters, and some brief interactions between Ginny and Hermione, but out of the three main female characters towards the end, Hermione, Ginny, and Luna, who fought together in volume five, not a one of them was ever shown doing anything of significance with any other female character. it was all Harry and Hermione or Harry and Ron and that was it. Shame on Rowling for denying women any bonding at all in over a million words.

These carps aside, I have to rate this series overall as a worthy read, because it does have a story to tell despite the holes and issues, and it did a monumental job of getting middle grade and YA literature back into children's minds and, more importantly (especially given the issues I raised!), hearts.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by JK Rowling

Rating: WORTHY!

This is another Harry Potter novel that opens with no Harry Potter in sight to begin with. This is also the novel which Rowling herself felt best about in the entire series from what I've read: the one which she liked the most, and which she spent a lot more time in planning, having learned a lesson from the difficulties she had with volume four, which necessitated an extensive rewrite. I think this is conversely, my least favorite!

This time we get Bellatrix Lestrange, arguably the most powerful witch in the entire seven volume series (aside from Molly Weasley, of course!), and her kid sister Narcissa Malfoy apparating to a location close to where Severus Snape lives in a rather run-down neighborhood. Why they don't apparate somewhat closer to his house than they do is slightly mysterious, but I guess you can explain that away by their desire to remain unobserved by Muggles, but this begs the question as to why they would even care.

It's a rather bigger mystery as to why Wormtail is staying with Snape. Draco Malfoy has evidently been tasked by Voldemort with working on a cabinet hidden away in the Room of requirement. This cabinet has a twin in the Borgin and Burkes dark magic shop off Diagon Alley, which Harry encountered in Chamber of Secrets - another example of Rowling's intensive long-range planning of her seven book series. Death Eaters plan on using this to get into Hogwarts. Why? Seriously, why? We never learn.

The ostensible plan is to murder Dumbledore, but they could have done that at any time. Throughout their entire novel, Dumbledore is traveling, it would not have been hard for the death eaters to track him down and "do him", but once again we're locked into Rowling's one-year plan, so to kill him off earlier would have failed her scheme of things, but this still fails to explain why Dumbledore was considered so far advanced beyond any other wizard in his power that he was the only threat to Voldemort. I find it hard to credit that out all the witches and wizards on the planet, there was quite literally no other wizard even approaching Dumbledore in power, and who was also a good person. It beggars belief.

Evidently Draco is now a Death-Eater and getting others into Hogwarts, and killing Dumbledore, is how he will prove himself. Why get Death-Eaters in if Draco is going to kill Dumbledore? They did nothing when they arrived so what was the point? The main problem is two-fold here, from what I can see. First of all, why Draco? Snape is already there. He could let Death-Eaters in any time he wanted. If they absolutely have to use the cabinet, he could have fixed it and presumably far faster than Draco did. So why Draco? I have no idea except that once again we're writing to formula instead of to a realistic plot pace and authenticity, and so we have the adventure play out over an entire school year and employ one of Harry's rivals rather than an adult.

The second issue is: why would anyone actually want to join Voldemort? They're wizards. They can do and have anything they want, quite literally, so where is the impetus to subjugate themselves to a psychotic wizard? Voldemort's motivation is criminal, but at least he has one. He wants to dominate the Muggles, kill-off the "half-breeds" and rule the rest, but to what end? He's no better off then than he is as a plain, ordinary wizard, and he has the added headache of all that responsibility! It makes no sense, but then Voldemort didn't have to.

Voldemort doesn't need a goal since he's completely loony tunes, but you would think others do. I mean there would no doubt be other psychos who would join him because like attracts like, but this fails to explain why so many people would actually volunteer for his crusade. What would it net them that they don't have already? It's the same problem with some of the James Bond stories. Why would criminal "masterminds" spend billions to set up something which would only serve at best to recoup the billions they've had to spend? None of it makes any sense!

Harry appears when Dumbledore once again uses him in much the same way, since we've already made the comparison, that 'M' employs James Bond: as a blunt instrument to achieve his ends, but at least Bond gets the facts; Harry never does! In this case, the job is to recruit Horace Slughorn as potions master, yet we never learn why Dumbledore was so obsessed with hiring Slughorn. Yes, Slughorn had this knowledge about what Voldemort was up to way back when, but Dumbledore could just as readily have got that by doing some magic on him and reading his mind. This elaborate farce was nonsensical.

The bigger question is why didn't Dumbledore, who himself dabbled in the dark arts when he was younger, already know about horcruxes? It beggars belief to think he would be ignorant, given his history and his relationship with Tom Riddle. Besides at this point, Dumbledore already knows that Voldemort has made horcruxes. So we have this whole story built around retrieving information from a character which ultimately tells us nothing that we didn't know already. The most crucial piece of information was how many horcruxes Voldemort had made. This was the key to defeating him since every one of them evidently has to be destroyed, but Slughorn did not have that knowledge. The simple use of a time-turner would have been ideal for tracking Voldemort's actions, and identifying the horcruxes and their secret locations, yet never once is this put forward as a solution! Plot hole!

It's a bit obvious from the start that the potions book which Harry gets hold of belonged to Snape and that, therefore, he had to be the Half-Blood Prince, and who cares anyway? It's not like unraveling this "mystery" actually solved any dark problem or brought any evil-doers to book. I think this is why I disliked this book perhaps more than even Goblet of Fire (although the two are close!). It really wasn't a story like the others were, it was more like six hundred pages of exposition. And Rowling got away with it!

And what about the staff shuffle? Suddenly, Snape is now absolutely fine as the teacher of the Defense Against the Dark Arts class? Why now after sixteen years is it perfectly fine to give him the job he's most qualified for, but not at any time prior to this? Again, Rowling offers absolutely no explanation whatsoever for this. Plot hole!

Why Hermione gets so angry with Harry is a bit of a mystery, too. Yes, she has a valid concern about his use of the half Blood Prince's potion-preparing tips, but to get so bent out of shape is overkill. It's a school text book, not a dark arts book, and the tips work. Besides, how come she didn't simply come up with a spell to show who used that book over the years? She was always magically on top of things at other times, why not now? She does pull out a spell to test it for dark influences, but she never thinks about tracing its history? Again Hermione is made to look dumb.

Harry's newfound 'facility' with potions does help win him the bottle of Felix Felicis, and it's cool how he tricks Ron into thinking he got lucky in quidditch, but the fact that Harry's sudden excellence in potions trips no one's alarm bell is a complete mystery. Wouldn't McGonagle have wondered, even vaguely, how a poor student - which is, let's face it, what Harry was at best - could have risen to brilliance over the course of one summer with no practice? Once again wizards and witches are shown to be amazingly blind and stupid. And what's with Harry's "acceptable" being unacceptable for pursuing a higher education? The scoring system makes no sense!

In this volume, Dumbledore suddenly has time for Harry, but he still won't tell him what's really going on. Once again, Dumbledore is shown to be a complete a jerk - and a moron, too. So his hand is cursed - so what? Cut it off and have Madam Pomfrey regrow it healthily. This is never put forward as an option, not even to shoot it down with some magical explanation. It's merely left hanging there which again makes wizards and witches look clueless and inept and Rowling look like a bad writer. And if this is a deadly spell, why isn't it included along with the other unforgivable curses?!

We do get to see some interesting history and enjoy the pensieve once again, which I always thought was cool in the movies, although if they were a person's memory, it was completely ridiculous that we never saw the imagery from that person's PoV. This is a mistake made frequently when exploring memory, but it's really, really bad in Rowling's case. If it was person X's memory, then that memory would never show person X from a third person perspective. And what's with the idiotic Muggle clothing - the guy wears a one piece swimsuit under an overcoat? Where did he even get that idea? This merely serves to highlight how profoundly stupid and moronic the wizards and witches are in Rowling's world. It's not even funny.

We learn, during the course of these visits, that there are at least three horcruxes, two of which are already destroyed. The first was down to Harry stabbing Tom Riddle's diary with a basilisk fang in Chamber of Secrets and the second was Dumbledore's sole contribution to bringing down Voldemort. He destroyed the locket at the cost of his own life - or more accurately at the cost of his own pointless death, but he never once explains to Harry how to destroy the horcruxes, verifying yet again what a swine Dumbledore truly was. None of this tells them how many more horcruxes Voldemort has created or where they are - so how does Dumbeldore know that four remain? (There are actually five, but once again he's lying to Harry about that because he's a manipulative a jerk).

It's in this volume that Ron and Hermione finally hook up, although what she sees in him is a complete mystery. Harry also gets it on with Ginny, who's had the hots for him since volume one, according to Ron, but none of this really goes anywhere or contributes anything to this story.

Dumbledore shows what a weak wizard he is by being utterly unable to figure any way around the potion guarding the locket. He couldn't get an inferi to drink it? He couldn't magically line his alimentary canal to prevent harm, and drink it himself? Clearly Voldemort here has defeated the supposed most powerful wizard in the world. This is the price of Rowling's determination to weaken and kill off Dumbledore, but it makes him look stupid again. He has to be killed off at any price, so there you go.

One thing I never did get at the end was why the movie people changed Rowling's original story. In the book, Dumbledore freezes Harry (who is hidden under his invisibility cloak) and he literally cannot do a thing, yet the movie has him hiding one floor below the top of the tower, where he could have helped, but failed to do so. In short, the movie made Harry look like a coward and a loser, which is completely adrift from how the book had portrayed him. Go figure! I don't get why Rowling allowed them to get away with such an abusive change to her story.

This is how Harry gets to see Draco disarming Dumbledore, and thereby unknowingly taking possession of the Elder wand, before Snape comes up and carries out Dumbledore's instruction to kill him. It's also here that Harry proves himself once again to be a self-centered jerk when he abandons Ginny, who is fighting for her life, in his blind-rage pursuit of Snape. He could have donned his invisibility cloak and taken down several of the Death-Eaters, but he fled the scene, ignored the needs of his supposed friends and the Order of the Phoenix members, and ran away. Jerk.

Harry also shows how weak of a wizard he is - and this is the year after he has been teaching "defense against the dark arts" to students - as he fails to get Snape, but this isn't even the most inexplicable thing here! We have Death-Eaters in the castle, and they have a chance to wreak havoc, yet instead of firing Avada Kadavra killing curses, destroying everything in sight, and perhaps unleashing fiend fire into the school, they're using pathetic high-school level jinxes? Clearly Rowling didn't want to kill off scores of her reader's favorite characters here, but this is a massive plot hole, every bit as big as the one in Order of the Phoenix, where they previously failed to kill anyone.

These are supposed to be death eaters - feared and deadly, dangerous and remorseless, yet every time we encounter them, all they ever do is vomit up weak as weasel-piss amateur magic. Where the hell did they ever get their reputation?! I consider this a major failing on Rowling's part. I can see how she wouldn't want this kind of thing in the very earliest volumes, but these kids are now fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and yet she still offers us no more danger than she did in volume one!

So the story ends with an unnecessarily dead Dumbledore, and HRH vowing to destroy Voldemort by eradicating all his horcruxes. This, for me, was the most boring book in the series maybe in competition with Goblet, yet it still got a story told and kept my interest in following the series.