Best Friends by Ruby Jean Jensen

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

I should say up front that I'm not a fan of horror stories and so this was a bit of an experiment, but I'm always interested in reading authors I haven't encountered before, especially if they have anything interesting or new to share, and this book offered something that was first published back in 1985 and was a little bit different from the stuff we tend to see today. It was a quick read, and although I had some issues with it, they were not enough overall to turn me off it.

I appreciated that there were only one or two writing and publishing issues. For example, at one point at the end of a descriptive sentence, there's a closing quote which is wrong, because the sentence was neither speech nor a quote: ...when, Shannon suspected, he was disturbed about something." The ending quote should not be there, but we've all been there, I'm sure! No big deal.

At another point, there was a paragraph describing their first trip to a supermarket, and it began and ended with a contradiction: "They each took baskets" as they entered the store, but then they left it was "With three grocery carts loaded with food supplies..." Disconnect! If they took baskets they should leave with baskets (or bags), otherwise the author ought to have had them take carts at the start! Unfortunately Ruby Jean Jensen died in 2010, so she can no longer fix that. We'll let it live as a memorial to her.

The final one I noticed was a bit of a writing wash: "And the tabletop had beneath it a shadow that seemed, when Shannon glanced away from it, darker than it should have been, as if there were something more beneath it adding its own shadow." It's possible to have a variation in shadow depth, but in this circumstance it stood out to me as being awkward in the circumstances. There was only one light source and the table top shadow could not have been deepened by anything underneath it when there was no other light shining. It's a minor quibble, but one which jumped out at me. Rather like the thing that was hiding! Not that the hiding made any sense, but I let that go. I know what she was trying to say; I just don't think she said it well.

For me, one of the biggest problems with horror stories or hauntings, poltergeists, that kind of thing is that writers always approach them in a terrified way - in that they tend to have the ghosts or evil spirits, or whatever, start out with minor ambigious events where the victims are always talking themselves into believing that nothing really happened, or that there's a rational explanation for what they think they experienced, but to me that makes zero sense. It especially made little sense in this particular novel.

I don't believe in an afterlife, or ghosts or evil spirits, but they make for good stories, and while I can understand how a writer would feel a need to slowly ramp-up the tension and the horror, it's all been done exactly like this so tediously many times before. The thing is that if you dive into that world and pretend for the sake of fiction that it's real, why would demons, ghosts, or spirits actually do that?

Maybe ghosts would behave like the humans they once were and ease into it if they were having fun - like the dead couple in Beetlejuice, for example, because they're supposed to be the spirits of people, but demons? Other monstrous creations? Why would they follow any rules or ramp up anything, when they can go full throttle from the off? Why would they behave remotely like humans?

The premise in this story is that a woman who has lost a young child is offered the opportunity to babysit three young children, the youngest of which is the age of the child she lost. They go to the family retreat in the mountains. The kids lost their mom, and dad can only visit on weekends, so it's just they, the housekeeper, and the evil friends of young Barry, who went through bad experiences in his previous setting where he was abused. Now he's withdrawn. No one knows he was abused by a woman who practiced demon worship.

The whole motivation of young Barry's supernatural 'friends' therefore, is to keep him to themselves and get rid of all competition, which includes Shannon the babysitter, as well as his sister Becky, his brother David, the housekeeper Edna, and even his Aunt and her two kids who come to stay for a while. Why in particular the demons want to rid the house of these other people isn't actually made clear. There's no explicatory backstory at all. The other people in the house are no competition. They're not even aware of the demons to begin with, and the demons are perfectly free to do whatever they want. To me this made no sense.

There was a epilogue which I did not read. I don't do prologues, epilogues, prefaces, introductions, forewords or any of that antique and tedious crap. Chapter one is where I start. I've never regretted it or felt like I missed anything by skipping those - which proves my point! It's possible there was something offered in the epilogue, but rather doubt it.

Barry spends time with the demons playing with, and talking to them. His family just think he's withdrawn and talking to imaginary friends. Barry has some control over the demons, but not much, and they have their own agenda, so when they decide they want the family gone, my question was: why do they not simply suffocate each one in their beds one night? Why the slow burn and the overly-elaborate deaths? Obviously it's because the writer is trying to entertain the reader and slowly jack-up the tension, but to me it made little sense and kept knocking me out of suspension of disbelief as I questioned why they were so lackadaisical in their demonic behavior! It reminded me of the villain in a thriller monologuing until the hero can find a way to defeat him. It's silly and inauthentic.

I let that slide though for the sake of enjoying an older story by someone who writes decently well, and it turned out to be entertaining. It wasn't something that made me want to run out and buy more Ruby Jean Jensen books to read. I may read another of hers down the line somewhere, but I wasn't overly impressed with this. It was however a worthy read overall.

I liked the way the family was put together and the way the author wrote the female characters, especially Becky and Shannon. I enjoyed the evil characters. They were new and different, and believable in many ways.. I liked Barry, although I thought he was a bit limp at times. On the other hand, he was very young, so maybe he was written realistically. I thought the ending was a bit lacking, but it wasn't awful and it lent Barry some weight that seemed to be missing from his character earlier, so all of these things brought the story around for me. Therefore I commend it.

Bunheads by Misty Copeland, Setor Fiadzigbey

Rating: WORTHY!

Misty Copeland is the first African American woman to become a principal dancer at the American Ballet Theatre. She won the Leonore Annenberg Fellowship in the Arts, which acknowledges outstanding talent in young artists. She has written several books, but this is only the second one aimed at younger children to my knowledge, the first being titled Firebird. The book is nicely illustrated by Fiadzigbey.

The book tells the apparently autobiographical story of a danseuse who yearns to be in the ballet Coppélia which draws on Pinocchio, in that it relates the story of a dollmaker who wishes to vivify his greatest creation. The dancer discovers the plot (not as benign as the one in Pinocchio, and tricks the toymaker by pretending to be the doll that comes to life. Misty really wants that role - that of Swanilda, but she's so new to ballet that she doubts she'll get it. This doesn't keep her from dancing her heart out and sure enough, she wins the confidence of their tutor and gets the role!

There could be rivalry and bitterness here, but it doesn't pan out that way. Instead, Misty makes friends and learns and helps teach in turn. I really enjoyed this story which I thought was educational, useful, and informative as well as artistic and pleasurable to read and to look at. I commend it.

Grumpy Monkey Up All Night by Suzanne Lang, Max Lang

Rating: WORTHY!

Written by the female half of this team and illustrated by the male half, this sequel tells the amusing story of Jim Panzee which made me laugh just from that name. Jim has brother name Tim Panzee. They attend an all-night party where they play games, tell scary stories, and drink punch. A gorilla acquaintance goes along with them. One by one they fall asleep. This is all-but guaranteed to encourage your little ones to follow suit. I was a bit misled by the title, not having read the first in this series. I thought it would be about a grumpy monkey who couldn't sleep and who prevented others from sleeping too. It was pretty much just the opposite. It was amusingly written, amusingly illustrated, and actually told a story. I liked it.

Over the Moon by Colin Hosten, Yujia Wang, Sia Dey

Rating: WARTY!

Written by Hosten and Dey, and illustrated nicely by Wang, this book unfortunately did not really impress me. It's based on the Netflix original animated movie of the same name and it tells the story of Fei Fei and Chang'e. Fei Fei wants to pursue her nebulous dream, and she builds a rocket ship that takes her to the Moon where she meets some oddball characters, none of whom seem that interested in helping her, and all of whom seem to be more style than substance. Fei Fei seems persistently unable to complete her rather empty and ill-defined quest.

In the end we're told - rather like the stories that end with 'and it was all a dream' - that she already had love all along. I felt like I was reading the last scene from Wizard of Oz, and the next thing we'd hear would be Fei Fei being told that all she had to do all laong was to click her heels together. I'm sorry but despite the pretty illustrations, this book really did nothing for me and I find it hard to believe it will have much effect on children. It was really more about appearances than substance and never seems like it had any heart. I can't commend it. It was too empty to hold any promise.

The World Is Full of Married Men by Jackie Collins

Rating: WARTY!

I can't close out the dumb-ass romance reviews without including the queen od them: Jackie Collins. She wasn't in that volume of introductory chapters, but I got hold of one of her novels and was not impressed.

This is the author's controversial debut novel, which was published in 1968, and was made into a move a decade later. Unlike Jackie herself and her sister Joan, for that matter, this aged badly. The movie bore little resemblance to the novel. Neither of them was very good, being one-dimensional and very flat, but the novel benefited from being banned in a couple of countries in the southern hemisphere, so there you go. If it were submitted for publication today, no one would be interested in it.

The story is of advertising executive David Cooper, who is tired of his wife Linda, but unwilling to divorce her, so he cheats on her, most recently with a juvenile spoiled-brat Claudia Parker. He's talking crazy about marriage while she's talking of a career in modeling or acting or both. Linda inevitably discovers the affair and sues for divorce. David ends up living with Claudia and predictably realizing what a serious mistake he's made. By then it's too late because Linda is dating Jay Grossman, who is a Hollywood film producer. David ends up impregnating his secretary. That's it! That's the whole story!

Rest assured, I didn't make it that far; I made it as far as chapter four, where a drunk Linda is raped by this random guy Paul that she hooked-up with, and I quit right there. Hollywood was apparently unable to make anything out of it either, so they spiced it up a bit at the same time as they toned it down. In the movie, Linda's affair is with hot young divo (a male diva) with the ridiculous name of Gem Gemini, and her husband ends up shooting him if I recall. Equally predictable and uninspiring. I cannot commend this for anything except being a doorstop. Another author I can strike off my list - permanently.

Out of the storm by Avery Gale

Rating: WARTY!

This author's name sounds equally improbable, but at least the title doesn't suck. My first observation, taken from reading only four sentences is that the main guy, Kyle West, is a complete dumb-ass. He's out driving in a storm and is seeing horizontal rain. If there's a worse sign of a nearby tornado at night than that, I don't know one. Get the hell to shelter NOW, moron! The next sentence tells us the road is so wet that he's in danger of hysroplaning. Then slow down dipshit!

As soon as I learned Kyle is also an ex-Navy SEAL and this is another dom story, then I'm out. Sorry but the ex-Navy SEAL motif in novels is so overdone that it has charred, blackened, solidified, and welded itself to the oven, and the oven has caught fire from it and burned down the neighborhood. Get a new shtick. Please. This author has three stories in here, but one was way-the-hell more than enough to put me off her for life. A veritable gale she is not.

The Reluctant Dom by Tymber Dalton

Rating: WARTY!

I flatly refuse to read this one on account of two things: 1. the ridiculous title and 2. the absurd name of the author. I can't commend it on either of those grounds. The author has four more stories in this volume. Desperate much? I refuse to read those. And yes, I'm being unreasonable, but I'm taking my cue from these dumb-ass stories!

Welcome to E Mayberry by Chris Genovese

Rating: WARTY!

This struck me as dumb from the start. The author wants us to read bold text because we're too stupid to distinguish between when the narrator is talking to the detective, and when she's relating the story she's telling the detective. LOL! Actually given the low intellect these stories require both to write and to read, I guess I should take that at face value. The porn actress telling the story is named, wait for it, Stormy Winters. Sorry but no. Just no. This is another abusive tale and I refuse to read it much less commend it. There was another story in this volume by this author, but no. Enough is more than enough.

Warranted Pleasures by Shannon Nemechek

Rating: WARTY!

This author starts out by telling us that a warrant officer (hence the play-on-words title) was sent by the general of the division to investigate property loss at one of the 'smaller companies'. I don't know what that means. A division is led by a lieutenant general or a major general, but a company is several steps down the heirarchy and is typically lead by a captain, so why is a division CWO being set to investigate property loss? It makes no sense. What - there was no one in that entire chain of command below division who could have investigated this?

A company is normally around four platoons, but a transportation company - which this one is - tends to be larger - maybe twice as large, so what the author means by 'one of the smaller platoons' is a mystery. Anyway the CWO is picked up at the airport by a female - of course - and he immediately begins objectivising her despite being her senior officer. "He wondered how she ended up in Chicago and not down south where women like her were appreciated." That's where I quit reading this trash - on page four. The fact that the author apparently didn't know the difference bwetween a muumuu and a cow lowing twice was a contributory factor. I cannot remotely commend this, which is bad in a Coronavirus environment because I'm sure as hell not going to intimately commend it....

Leather and Lace by Samantha A Cole

Rating: WARTY!

Thankfully this is from the last of the three so-called romance volumes I began exploring last month, so I never have to do this again!

This was another BDSM pile of crap where the woman, despite being (we're told) a successful BDSM novel writer is presented as a know-nothing ingénue, who couldn't satisfy her husband who apparently cheated on her both before and after their marriage which lasted barely a year. This writer is unable to think about sex because she's not very good at it, but she writes about it and desires intimacy. I'm sorry but it doesn't work. This was such a pile of bullshit and garbage that I couldn't get past the first eight pages. I don't know who reads this trash, but whoever it is seriously needs to get a life and the author needs to get a clue.

The Ladies Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite

Rating: WORTHY!

This is a story I normally wouldn't read. The fact that the book description contains the tedious and worn-out phrase 'star-crossed lovers' is nauseating. Just as bad, the cover of a novel once again does not reflect the characters who actually appear in the story - it even has the hair color wrong. Did the photographer not care? Did the author not notice? Or was some random stock cover selected without a second thought because no one really cared? Fortunately the last thing I do is judge a book by its cover.

Anyway, this story is of two women. The first is a wannabe astronmer named Lucy Muchelney, a lesbian at a time (1816) when modern readers believe that such proclivities were, if not exactly banned, denied and frowned upon. I think that's nonsense. No one back then cared enough about women to worry over what they were doing when alone together! Too many people believe that Queen Victoria said lesbianism never happened. Victoria said nothing of the sort and she had nothing to do with the religiously-obsessed British law banning homsexuality (between men) in 1885 - the penalty for which was to be locked-up with a bunch of men. Go figure. The fact is that Victoria was far from Victorian. She loved getting it on with her hubby, and lesbianism probably never crossed her mind.

In the story, Lucy's father has died and she's looking for an occupation. Her overly-protective brother is a nuisance, and her dearest love Priscilla has opted for respectable marriage, in which there is no room for dalliances with her female interest. Distraught and looking for escape, Lucy wangles her way into the Countess of Moth's patronage to engage herself in translating a French author's respected and voluminous treatise on Astronomy. She has the experience from working regularly with her father, himself a well-regarded astronomer, and her skill at math - and she speaks French well. The countess takes a chance on her, and as Lucy works on this project, and has daily encounters with Lady Moth, an attraction grows between them.

The novel is set in a very fictional milieu. Superficially it's regency England, but none of the people or societies mentioned in the novel really existed - to my knowledge. Some people who did exist and who ought to have merited a mention, do not appear. Newton seems to be the only historical person of any note mentioned for example. A less well-known but also noted scientist who was a woman, Caroline Herschel, goes unheralded. Although her star burned brightest before Lucy was born, you would think someone as erudite and up on the sciences as Lucy is portrayed, would have heard of her.

I guess the author didn't want to deal with all that, or risk maligning someone for no good reason, and this was fine with me in general, but for a novel that's trying to represent women, this seemed like a curious omissiol. I know the novel is ficiton, and generally I do not care if it's somewhat historically-inaccurate unless there are glaring errors. I detected none of those, but the lack of a shout-out for someone as accomplished as Ms Herschel seemed cruel.

I loved this book: the writing, the story, the whole idea of a woman scientist back then, and I loved how science and art were integrated, so I breezed through it - that is until the last few chapters, where apparently the author decided she had to toss a wrench - or in this case a spanner, since this is Britain after all! Or if I might make a play on words and deliver a little spoiler, a wench - into the works. To me this part was poorly-written. The only feeling of problematic writing I'd had prior to this was that at times the novel seemed to drag a little when it ought to have been striding forward, but that was a minor thing for me. Life did flow at a slower pace back then anyway!

This artificial crisis though was very badly-done and for a couple of chapters I was going to turn my view around and not rate this as a worthy read, but the author picked-up her frayed edges and stitched them into a decent seam before the end, so I decided not to cuff her. Yes, I made a pun. So sew me.... I can't let this go though without making a mention of this nonsensical hiccup to their relationship. It felt compeltely fake and so artificial that it seemed like a joke.

I don't know if it was the author's idea to add a 'ruffled feathers' bit, or if the publisher had demanded she toss in a problem so their life together wouldn't be quite so smooth, but for me there was no need for it. If she or the publisher honestly thought there was such a need, it ought to have been much better done: something more organic and not fake like this was. It needed to be tied to their homosexuality, not to some poorly-conceived misunderstanding that for me made the book seem like a poor Harlequin romance.

For me, the way it was done here made the two women look like shallow idiots who had no history together, and it spoiled that part of the story since it blew up from nowhere. It suggested that neither woman had any invesment in the other and was ready to ignore everything that had passed between them prior to this point. It made, as I said, no sense.

But the writing improved after that, and for me it turned the story around quite handsomely, so overall I feel like I can commend this as a worthy read.

The Forgotten Engineer by TS Paul

Rating: WARTY!

My first mistake with this book was not realizing initially that it had the word 'chronicles' in the book description. I have a policy never to read any such books along with any which have the word 'saga' or 'cycle' in a similar vein. Since this is the first book in the Athena Lee Chronicles, the smart move would have been to have skipped it. My bad! The fact that ten sequels appeared to this opener in 2016 alone ought to be informative. But this was a story I picked up to read some time ago, so what the hell.

I started reading it and made it a ways through surprisingly, but it's a very short book - a novella so the author or publisher claims, but it's too short for a novella. I'm not even sure it's a novelette. And there's a hardback version fo it??! So the fact that I made it three-quarters of the way through is not quite the feat it may seem. Unsurprisngly, it failed to hold my interest. This is almost inevitable in a series because the first book is a prologue, and I don't do prologues either. They're tedious and pointless. I think there's been only one time I've ever had to go back and read a prologue in a novel - and that wasn't because I wanted to!

The premise was initially entertaining: that a female engineer, of which there are far too few, is stranded a long way from home and has to 'engineer' her way back was appealing to me, but the poor writing drove the appeal out of it for me. There were multiple problems with the book, the first of which was that it's in first person, the most self-obsessed and tedious voice there is. It was this which largely turned me off the story. It was not believable given the things which happened to her in the first few pages, including a head injury. The second is that it has problems with the plot, the text, and the story, including the guy who shows up early and who is described literally, as 'beefcake'.

Normally a writer who uses initials for a first name is a female, but in this case, the 'beefcake' suggests a male writer and it is. No one uses 'beefcake' any more, expecially not an alien female. So this story is really not believable, and it made me want to avoid the actual series, not read on. The fact that it's billed as a space opera is another turn off for me. The fact that it talks about a 'cabal' trying to somehow take over 'the galaxy' is a serious issue. Clearly the author has no clue how big a galaxy is or how ridiculous and pointless is the notion that one can be owned or controlled. Sorry, but no. I can't commend it based on my experience.

Great Hoaxers Artful Fakers and Cheating Charlatans by Nigel Blundell, Sue Blackhall

Rating: WORTHY!

This was an entertaining print book featuring an assortment of over thirty stories about people from the distant past and modern-day, who ran a variety of scams and for a while at least, got away with it. It begins with Tania Head, who misled people into believing she had been in one of the twin towers on 9/11. It covers people like poet Thomas Chatterton, who moight have had a better career had he let his own light shine instead of faking the lgihts of others, and who kileld himself at the age of only 17.

There's Anna Anderson who wa snot a Romanov. Not even close. There's a deck of cheaters at casinos; Tom Keating, the highly-talented art forger, Harry Houdini, who was really not a forger in the vein of all the others here, although he clearly used tricks to achieve the effects he did with his magic and escape stunts.

There's the fake cowboy, Frank Hopkins, the fake concert pianist, Joyce Hatto, the Count Saint-Germain and the Count Cagliostro neither of which could be counted on for honesty. There's the George Hull 'giant', and the fake Shakesspeares of William Ireland. There's Peter Pan - or rather James Hogue, who lied about his age and kept attending school long beyond normal graduation time. There's the Cottingley Fairies invented by children Frances Griffiths and Elsie Wright, so poorly made yet so ridiculously convincing to the adults of the time.

There's PT Barnum, scam artist and unsurprisingly nothing like the character in the 2017 Hugh Jackman movie musical. There's 'Princess' Caraboo - who also had a movie made of her life which was argulably more accurate tham the Barnum musical. There's faked ghost photographs, and the faked round-the-world voyage of Donald Crowhurst. There's faker Charles Dawson who was probably responsible for the nonsensical 'Piltdown Man' which has long been dismissed by scientists, but still obsesses creationists.

There's David Hampton - celebrated now for knowing no celebrities, Misha Defonesca, who didn't escape from the Nazis, George Psalmanazar, who never went near Formosa, Charles Ingram and Charles van Doren, the quiz show cheats, Horace de Vere Cole, who fooled the Royal Navy - into thinking they were being visted by the Emperor of Abyssinia no less. There's Heinrich Schliemann who did and didn't discover Troy, Janet Cooke, the reporter who didn't discover Jimmy the street child, and the faked diaries of Adolf Hitler. Alas no partridge in a pear tree nor the kitchen sink, but pretty much everything else you may or may not have heard of.

Obviously the lesson here is beware! Don't believe everything you see, nor everything you're told, especially if it's from a politician! I enjoyed this book and commend it as a worthy read.

Hook (audiobook) by Melissa Snark

Rating: WARTY!

Back in June I reviewed the ebook of this novel, and I don't usually revisit works (and usually not authors) where I've been disappointed. I judged the ebook warty for an assortment of reasons and those haven't changed in the audiobook - it's the same book! What I was curious about though, is whether I might perceive that same book differently if I heard it, rather than read it myself.

When you read a book it's between you and the author, but an audiobook brings someone else into the picture - so to speak! - and maybe it might sway perception? Since Chirp had the audiobook on sale for 99 cents, I decided that this was the perfect opportunity to experiment. Yes, 99 cents! I'm guessing others are finding this book as unappealing as I did the first time around, and so the publisher is trying to move it by any means possible.

So, as I said before, this was yet another attempt to wring some value from the antique and ridiculous Peter Pan story. About the only one I've read so far that was worth reading was Tiger Lily by Jodi Lynn Anderson which I reviewed several years ago. I'm currently working on a children's parody myself, skewing all the things that are wrong with the book and with Dipsey's antique and sad animation of it. The first problem with the book is that it's first person. For me it makes for an irritating voice to read because it's usually so unrealistic, and that's especially the case in novel like this one.

They hired an American voice actor to fake a British accent for Captain Hook's daughter - Jaden Hook - like anyone in Britain was named Jaden back when this story was written. Seriously? No marks for Mistress Snark! She could use a few though - to buy herself a clue. My problem though, was who is she supposedly telling this tired story to anyway?>/p>

While I like the idea of a female pirate captain, I don't imagine your average pirate was wont to prattle on about anything let alone a private vendetta between Hook and Pan, not even if there's a switch here and Pan is presented as a villain, kidnapping young children, and Hook as the 'good guy' rescuing them. Since I didn't finish either story, I can't even be sure if this Hook is a reliable narrator - maybe she's just as bad as her dad was, and Pan is still the spiteful, self-centered, narcissistic villain I've always perceived him to be.

The story takes forever to get going and in the end (and by end, I mean middle!), it never really does. That's one reason I quit it. The captain seems only half-hearted in her pursuit of Pan and quite lethargic about it. It takes them forever in trying to sneak up on the speedier Ariel ship, in their own lumbering Revenge, and they never do get there. Yawn.

The chapters are filled with Hook's tedious ramblings, and debates with her crew. What pirate captain debated with their crew? Doesn't 'captain' mean one who is in charge and who gives orders? I quit reading the ebook before I learned that Ariel got away, so I was wondering it if it had been a trap, but it evidently wasn't, according to what I heard here, which begged the question as to what the hell was going on? I have no idea, and worse, I didn't care any more the second time than I did the first!

As I'd concluded earlier, the plot which had initially intrigued me never seemed to have any substance to it. I need more than this in a novel, and this author refuses to stand and deliver! Consequently, I can't commend either the ebook or the audiobook.

Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer

Rating: WARTY!

Written in the baker's dozen years that came at the end of the fifteenth century, Canterbury Tales was Chaucer's unfinished epic the has long outlived him. Unfinished (it's rumored to have been planned as several tales each form some thirty travelers - but it ended up with only about a third of that before he died), it is widely viewed as his greatest work. If this is the greatest, I fele sorry for the rest of his output, because to me this was boring and tedious nonsense.

The tales are as follows. I made it only to The Miller's tale, and then I skipped to the last one which was the most tedious of all, before giving up on this!

• The Knight's Tale - a chivalric romance ripped off from Giovanni Boccaccio.
• The Miller's Tale - the rape of the Miller's wife.
• The Reeve's Tale - the continued rape of the Miller's wife.
• The Cook's Tale - cooking up another story.
• The Man of Law's Tale - a rip-off of John Gower's Tale of Constance which is anti-Islam propaganda.
• The Wife of Bath's Tale - Another tale of rape.
• The Friar's Tale - More advantage taken of women.
• The Summoner's Tale - a gross tale.
• The Clerk's Tale - The evil bastard Marquis of Saluzzo employs appalling and unforgivable cruelty to his wife.
• The Merchant's Tale - Another tale insisting that women are fundamentally evil.
• The Squire's Tale - a rambling, meaningless story.
• The Franklin's Tale - a woman is once more a possession.
• The Physician's Tale - a rip-off of a story by the Roman historian Livy wherein a girl is a possession again.
• The Pardoner's Tale - age old tale of three men and death.
• The Shipman's Tale - deceitful woman.
• The Prioress's Tale - a racist story about 'Jewes'.
• Sir Thopas' Tale - a story of a man's designs upon a woman.
• The Tale of Melibee - an insane debate on what should be the retribution for two men who broke in and badly beat his wife and daughter.
• The Monk's Tale - a collection of tragic stroies about historical figures. Yawn.
• The Nun's Priest's Tale - more rambling.
• The Second Nun's Tale - rambling about faith.
• The Canon's Yeoman's Tale - whining.
• The Manciple's Tale - untrustorthy women - again.
• The Parson's Tale - painful penitence.

Based on what little I could stand to listen to, I can't commend this as a worthy read at all. It's warty. It's one of the, if not the most disgusting, puerile and ridiculous collections I've ever encoutnered. It's a disgrace and not worh a minute of my time, much less what time I did spend on it.

Sketches by Teyla Branton

Rating: WARTY!

Detective Reese Parker is transferred to her childhood home - known as Colony 6 - after her life is threatened in her previous job. She has psychic visions when talking to witnesses and subsequently she feels a serious compulsion to sketch these images on paper. The images lead her to solving her case. At least that's what the prologue novella reveals. I didn't get far enough into this volume to learn what happens. I got only far enough to learn this is not for me because it's too sappy with the heavy-handed romance, and the story held no surprises or even any reason for engagement, for me.

It was obvious that Reese and her closest friends including a guy with the ridiculous name of Jaxon, which to me sound like an oil company - were experimented on and that's why she and Jaxon and apparently the others, have their psychic powers. Better Jaxon than Jacks Off I guess. This is pretty much rammed in our faces like a newspaper headline in block caps. They're looking for missing scientists, get it? They all have powers, get it? They will have to rebel against the very authority they serve to solve this. Yawn. The romance between her and Jaxon is tedious and predictable. The secrets they keep from each other are stupid, and the conspiracy nonsense is nothing original. I found it boring and quit reading in short order.

I can't commend this, and this is another series I will not be following.

Insight by Teyla Branton

Rating: WARTY!

This is a prequel to this author's series set in a dystopian future. It's very short, but it really explains nothing about the world in which detective Reese Parker lives. It merely is a prologue explaining how she came to end up back at Colony 6 - the very place she was only too happy to escape from when she left to join the New York Enforcer Division. It's set some 80 years after what's referred to as The Breakdown, which was apparently an economic and nuclear catastrophe, but we learn nothing of that. Nor do we learn why the NYPD is now the NYED. There is no world-building at all.

We do get right into the story wherein Parker, who gets psychic visions when questioning a suspect (and which she shares with no one), feels subsequently that she has to translate into a sketch, otherwise it physically affects her. She's compelled to get it down on paper at the risk of a restless night if she doesn't, and the image - often of a suspect, sometimes of a scene - in turn helps her to track down her quarry. In this case it turns out to be a big time businessman who is using some of his facilities as a base to manufacture a dangerous drug known as Juke which when mixed with another drug becomes deadly.

Parker eventually nails him., but in doing so makes enemies and against her will - supposedly for her own safety - she's transferred to Colony 6. End of this novella, lead in to the series. The problem with the is is that it makes her look rather stupid. The case she's making hinges on her recorded video of the businessman effectively convicting himself, but the vid is tampered with, and useless. There is no mention of any backup, and Parker herself fails to keep one - something you would think she would be sure to do in a case this important.

I managed to read the whole story - it was very short - but it didn't leave any mark on me, and I was by no means thrilled with it. I can't commend it unless you're already into the series and are curious as to how Parker got there. Even then it's barely worth the time. The writing itself isn't bad, per se, it just isn't very interesting.

Peter and Wendy by JM Barrie

Rating: WARTY!

This is a book based on an earlier work and a play by James Matthew Barrie, that debuted in 1904. The book was published in 1911. Naturally it's a product of its time: a different era, a different mentality, but by today's standards it's sexist and racist. Fortunately it's out of copyright so people can write their own updated versions of this - an advantage of not having copyrights being extended forever by corporations like Disney who want to protect a cartoon mouse, and who in 1953 perpetuated the abusive stereotypes established by Barrie in his original work. Believe it or not, they're planning on two live-action sequels. One for Pan, the other for Tinkerbell. I'll pass. The only thing Disney I have any interest in anymore is what comes out of Marvel Studios.

The story in the book ought to be familiar since the '53 movie follows the text pretty closely for the early part at least. We have Peter losing his shadow and having to return for it. Why he even cares is left unexplained, but in doing so he ends up taking Wendy, John, and Michael with him back to Neverland. Contrary to some stories, Barrie didn't invent the name Wendy. It was in use long before his time, but he was instrumental in popularizing it for about a half century, as a girl's name.

The problem with Wendy is that she's of the 'woman's place is in the home' stable, taken only to provide a mother for the Lost Boys and as someone who can cook and darn clothes. She serves no other purpose and has no other reason for her existence in Barrie's world. He writes: "Wendy's favourite time for sewing and darning was after they had all gone to bed. Then, as she expressed it, she had a breathing time for herself; and she occupied it in making new things for them, and putting double pieces on the knees, for they were all most frightfully hard on their knees." So Wendy's 'me time' was really 'them time', spent in doing chores for others, because evidentky she had not been raised to think she could have a life and neither was Peter Pan, nor anyone else interested in educating her otherwise. This sort of thing used to be known as slavery. No one ever did anything for Wendy.

Wendy was also very much a subject and adherent to the patriarchal society: "Secretly Wendy sympathised with them a little, but she was far too loyal a housewife to listen to any complaints against father. 'Father knows best,' she always said, whatever her private opinion must be." And this was as a grown-up. Yes, she does grow up and Peter, who supposedly forgets things easily, somehow remembers her. The problem with Peter though is his age. He's been failing to grow up for many years, so his actual age isn't that of a boy Wendy's age. He's much older than that, yet in the manner of modern pedophile YA vampire stories, despite being antique and someone who would have no need of a mother figure and no interest in anyone as young as Wendy, he appears for all purposes as a spoiled and still-young boy.

This is ridiculous even if you take into account his forgetfulness. He has not forgotten how long he's been around or the skills and tricks he's learned in those years. He forgets only people and the reason for this is that he's the most narcissistic and self-centered person outside of the White House. He's not a hero. He's just the opposite. He's Donald Trump. Everything is always about him and he has no thought or time for others unless those others benefit him somehow. He's supposedly rescued these 'Lost Boys', but he really doesn't care if they're in danger or what happens to them. Wendy at least steps up in that regard.

So much for genderism. The racism comes in as the 'redskins' are introduced. One of them is Tiger Lily - supposedly a princess and maybe based on Pocahontas. Hers is not a Native American name, and though tigers were mentioned as being on the island, lilies were not! While they are native to east and central North America, the American Indians, if they called them anything at all, would not have called them Tiger lilies! The real problem though is how Tiger Lily talks. Barrie seems to completely conflate Native Americans and Asians, and to employ the worst stereotypes of each. Tiger Lily speaks like this: "Me Tiger Lily...Peter Pan save me, me his velly nice friend. Me no let pirates hurt him." Seriously? Barf.

So no. The story is ridiculous and painfully dated, and there is nothing edifying or redeeming about it. I can't commend it as a worthy read. It's warty all the way through.

Malice by Heather Walter

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

Erratum: "Noses grew bumps when hair was supposed to brittle." I suspect the author meant 'bristle', but this was an advance review copy so hopefully that's already been caught, and I detected no more such hairy moments!

This was an engrossing take on the story of Sleeping Beauty, except the beauty isn't sleeping. It's also an engrossing take on Cinderella. Except that Cinders is the one with the power. And she's called Alyce. And she's evil. So she's been brought up to believe.

Working as a 'dark grace' - that is someone with blood power to effect change - Alyce has always understood herself to be evil in her rotten core. While her 'sisters' at the Lavender house effect looks and charm and other such cosmetic facets, Alyce is reduced to undoing those same charming affectations when one rival wishes to do down another, or to removing or minimizing a quality which a rival wishes to see diminished. Alyce has no plans in life, no dream, no hope, except that one day she might accumulate enough coin to leave the land of Briar behind forever and never look back. Then she meets Princess Aurora, and everything changes, but there's many a slip 'twixt Sapphic lips and the 'A' girls are going to experience a few of them before their happy ending can greet them. Assuming there's to be one.

This book seemed far less than some 500 pages. I flew through it, which is unusual for me, especially of late. There's always something to trip-up a good story, but this novel seemed to avoid most of the pitfalls. Maybe the name choices could have been more original for the leading ladies, but the world was totally believable and entirely fresh and alive. There was always something new and intriguing, and I found myself quickly drawn into its reality, and held to the last. In some ways the novel reminded me of my own Femarine, which is another story aimed at turning tired tropes on their head, but Malice was a very different kettle of wishes from my own invention. It's not an exaggeration to call it enchanting.

Were there faults with it? Yes; no one writes the perfect novel, but the faults were few, minor, and perhaps personal and persnickety. Alyce felt just a wee bit whiny, but not so much that it turned me off her. I grew to like her, but her mentioning of green veins, greasy hair, and scaly skin were slightly repetitious. Her picture was painted perfectly the first time! I felt it unnecessary for the extra brushwork. On the other hand (where those green veins and scales are!), someone who suffered these conditions might well dwell on them so perhaps it was in character. I liked Aurora, too; no spoiled brat she. It was a joy to see them get together, and it was done realistically and intelligently. Believe me, I adore authors who can show that kind of restraint in YA literature. Not that there's much YA 'literature' about, but this novel definitely qualities on that score.

One thing that did bother me about Alyce was how long it took her to finally give some consideration to whether her own powers might be employed to help Aurora's fatal condition. Yes, she's a femme fatal! In fact they both are in different ways, which I thought was choice! But that she never for a minute thinks about whether she could use her considerable - and especially her new-found - powers to cure Aurora until the latter virtually has to beg her to help worked to somewhat undermine their growing love. But like I said, these are very minor quibbles in the overwhelming power of the entire novel. No book is fautless, but this one comes close and I commend it. It left me green-veined with envy, and I wish the author all the success in the fantasy world with it.

Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray

Rating: WARTY!

First published in a single novel in 1848, I listened to this - yet another of my forlorn attempts at the classics - as an apparently abridged audiobook, although I have to say Chirp did not give any indication that it was so shortened. But it was just as well it was otherwise I would have DNF'd it anyway. Curiously this book seemed quite reminiscent of another so-called classic I listened to recently by the title of The Age of Innocence, although the gender roles are reversed in this, as compered with that one.

The story is of a social climbing young girl, recently graduated from an academy, who goes by the name of Rebecca. She's not a nice person. Why Amelia - a fellow graduate - is friends with her is a mystery. Rebecca aims to find a permanent place in a rich family and sets about it at once, finding work with Sir Pitt Crawley, who is quite wealthy.

Unfortunately, Rebecca can't keep it in her pants and rather than wait for Sir Pitt's wife to expire so she can have the master of the house all to herself, she secretly marries his son Rawdon. This proves to be a tragic mistake because Sir Pitt's wife dies prematurely, and Sir Pitt is then peeved that Rebecca isn't available to him. She's screwed in a second way because Sir Pitt's half-sister, who is also wealthy and who was favoring Rawdon for an inheritance, is put out sufficiently by this ill-favored marriage of his, that she disowns him.

As if that isn't bad enough, Rawdon comes home early one evening and discovers Rebecca in the company of the wealthy Marquis of Steyne, who apparently has been giving her money and jewels. What he got in return isn't specified, but after Rawdon assaults him, the latter finds himself sent to Coventry as they say in Britain, but in this case quite literally: he's unexpectedly appointed governor of Coventry Island - a hell hole of a place that no one wants to visit. Rebecca ends up wandering Europe in a downward spiral before she manages to finagle a decent living of sorts, but it's nothing like the one she'd dreamed of.

If I've made my review sound boring, it merely reflects the work that's reviewed, but at least be happy you were not the one who had to listen to it! I can't commend it.

Starlight Wishes by ME Montgomery

Rating: WARTY!

Continuing my look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which trust me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This book starts out with a prologue which I naturally skipped, but the prologue apparently begins with a bunch of 12 year olds chanting the 'starlight star-bright' nonsense about wishes coming true and that pre-adolescent mentality pervades the whole story unfortunately. It's first person, too, which makes it ten times worse. Jen is sneaking out of the room after an apparently drunken encounter after a wedding reception, with your trope ripped, chiseled guy she doesn't feel she deserves because she's only a weak and worthless woman, you know, not fit to kiss his tight glutes and all.

The story then screeches to a halt as we backtrack 12 hours to the reception - like we don't already know what happened there, how she got tipsy and had no ride home so he very generously" offered to ride her...so to speak. Rather than just drop her off and see she gets safely indoors he perpetrates a home invasion, and next he's going through her drawers - and holding up her drawers (or in this case a thong) on his middle finger; wait, no it was his index finger because he was indexing her wardrobe, that was it. I quit reading right there.

Barf.

Coral Hearts by Avery Gale

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This was a truly pathetic maiden in distress needing a strong guy to rescue her because as you know all women are useless without a studly man. The names in this book are utterly ridiculous. The girl is Coral. This is inevitably part of a series about the five Morgan brothers - because why come up with something original when you can continue draining an old teat? The Morgans are called Brandt, Colt, Kip, Phoenix, and Sage. Why not just go the whole hog and call 'em Sage, Basil, Rue, Tarragon and Dill? And have them come from Oregano?

These boys, we're assured, have vastly different interests - but they're all doms. I guess their interests aren't that different, huh? So Coral is already running from an ex and her car breaks down. Her car is probably named Herb-ie. So naturally, she "literally falls into" this guy's arms and he no doubt offers her some Sage advice....

Seriously the barf factor here is high and so too, probably, are the Morgan bros. I'll pass. Wind.

The Vanishing Statue by "Carolyn Keene"

Rating: WARTY!

Keene is the usual pseudonym for these books which are not doing well in their present incarnation as far as I can tell. Carolyn Keene never actually existed - not as an author of Nancy Drew anyways! Having listened to about half of this one, I can understand why. The books are tedious. Nancy is reduced to a fashionista talking about dresses and makeup and showing almost zero interest in the vanishing statue of the title even by halfway through the novel. I grew bored and gave up on it.

The Fix by Sylvie Stewart

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This was multi-first person PoV, which is at least three times worse than single fp. It jumped around so much that it did nothing but confuse me as to who was doing what, and when, and to whom. I gave up on it before any romance even began. I didn't miss it. It definitely needs a fix. Or something.

Once Written Twice Shy by Carey Decevito

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

I skipped the prologue on this one. Chapter one begins "Just a short year later..." - that ellipsis doesn't end the sentence, which is therefore missing a period. If it's intended to be a sort of a cliffhanger sentence, then three dots is fine, but there ought to be spaces between the dots. But moving along, I skimmed chapter one which was about two people meeting at an airport after being in touch online for some time. They can't keep their hands off each other.

At first I had assumed that they had leapt into bed asap. I assumed in this case we're meant to understand they're already exchanged information about their sexual histories, so I granted the safe sex part here, but after, there was this weird issue of taking a shower, and there's quite some debate about who goes first and which shower. I'd thought, they want to jump each other's bones but now they won't shower together? It just felt unrealistic given the premises for the story, but when I back-tracked to see if it really happened as I thought, I realized the wording was a bit ambiguous and it looked like all they'd done was kiss, but he phrase "wrapped in each other like a pair of randy teenagers" had been used, so I was confused.

Do randy teenagers not start physically touching each other apart from locking lips? I guess not. Do randy teenagers not jump into the shower together? I guess not, because it got weird when the guy realizes he has no clothes to put on after his shower and she's showering in his room for reasons unknown. He goes in without knocking, and she's topless of course. Inexplicably, she freaks, and covers up her breasts. Even if they didn't just have sex - and I think they didn't, this felt way too coy to be realistic given their animal passion - and in public at the airport as well as in the kitchen at home.

Is it sad that this story was the best of the ones I'd read to this point, and it almost made a positive impression on me? It was far too coy for its own good though, making it sound unrealistic which is bad for a writer who claims she strives for realism. This lack of authenticity didn't work for me. Can't commend it, but at least I'd consider reading something else by this author.

Bleacke's Geek by Lesli Richardson

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This one is a classic example of how cheap these stories are. It's a wolf shifter story which I avoid like the plague because even when the prime focus is the shifter aspect, it seems to be always about alpha males and sex. Granted that this one is marginally different in that the alpha is the female wolf, but ultimately it's really the same. She's an assassin supposed to be taking down a guy at this bar, yet she's so distracted by a human male she must have that she abandons her prime directive and all-but drags this guy back into the women's restroom to 'claim him' - which is wolf-speak for unsafe sex.

I guess shifters are immune to STIs, huh? But this is rape no matter how much the guy is in denial. He had no choice in what happened, nor does he when he's kidnapped and taken by her as a sex-slave after she finally shoots the guy she's after. That's when I ditched this travesty. As of this writing, the author claims on her website that it's not "forumlaic," and I believe her.

Maybe Mandy by Chris Genovese

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This was yet another disaster - this time written by a guy. Amanda is out of a relationship and despite having a string of bad ones in a row isn't smart enough to realize the problem isn't the guys - it's her and the poor choices she makes. But that isn't going to stop her making yet one more. She now wants to dive into unsafe sex with her married friends, none of whom seem to have a problem not knowing each other's sexual history. This isn't love. It's not romance. It's not real. It's raunch and that's all it is. There's no relationship to see here. Move long.

Royal Protection by Amy Briggs

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust. No relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

This was the usual exercise in inappropriate so-called 'romance' writing. There's a fictional band called little Queens - supposedly giving new birth to rock and roll which rather dates the author a bit - which is comprised of sisters Miranda and Carmen. Their father - another in a long line of super controlling males in these stories - hires an ex-Army Ranger named Ryan King to go undercover as their 'protection' - posing as a journalist. The idiot girls just let this stranger saunter right on into their lives no questions asked, no vetting, nothing. This is after Miranda, the singer-song-writer of the duo has been receiving threatening letters. They're morons.

The guy's name is Ryan King, of course, because he's going to be ruling over them. Yawn. And Barf. Ryan has to fight 'his overwhelming attraction to" Miranda. Well, of course he does, poor soul! How horrible life must be for him. The book description asks, "Will one wrong move cause everything the Little Queens have worked for to come crashing down?" I dearly hope so because this top-heavy edifice is unsustainable. It sucked from the off.

Missing beats by KL Shandwick

Rating: WARTY!

Time to take a quick look at volume 2 of this trilogy of sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - of the kind I never read for good reason. Fortunately I was able to skip some authors in this one because I'd read their efforts in volume one and was not about to subject myself to more of their work. Each sample has only an opening chapter or two. Most of them seem to be first person and kinky. There is no romance here, only lust: no relationship that's greater than skin-depth.

As in the first volume, I review these based solely on these sample chapters, which believe me are more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own mind! It's all about studly guys and frustrated women, and unsafe-sex. Some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point big time.

I don't read prologues, but I couldn't help but notice as I was about to bypass it and swipe to the first chapter of this novel that the name of one of the main characters was Kane Exeter. That name is so bad that it's a joke right up front there and it almost made me quit reading at that point, four words in, which would be some sort of a record, but I pressed on. The idea is that these two childhood friends: Kane and Jo, go their separate ways, and one of them (I'll give you only one guess as to who it is), becomes a "wealthy playboy rock star." Who talks about rock stars anymore?

That ought to give you all you need to know about the mentality and age-mindset of the author right there. If it doesn't, this from her website bio will do it: "Her characters have flaws and she hopes this helps the connection between them and her readers." Because all her readers are like Kane Exeter: rich, successful, chiseled, tattooed, etc. Either that or they have flaws. What a thing to say about your readers! Maybe they do but it's not up to an author to throw them in your face. Ultimately this is yet another novel where an authority figure (Kane by dint of his wealth and success) preys on a subjugate woman who of course needs rescuing. Barf.

Just For You, Sir by Laylah Roberts

Rating: WARTY!

I got this freebie which offers sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - that sort of thing I never read, so I decided to take a look at this limited sample - each book had only an opening chapter or two - and to see if they were truly as bad as I think they are. It turns out - they are! Who knew? I decided to review these based solely on the sample chapters, which believe me is more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own head! It's all about guys and sex all the time and some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point - and by some serious margin, too. Actually it's not even a margin, it's more like a burgeon.

This was yet another dom book but disguised as a purportedly concerned family chasing after a stray young girl they'd adopted. The girl was weak and petite and the boys were all strutting turkey cocks. She had run away from them, but they tracked her down and dragged her back with threats, and she meekly went with them. Frankly this was sick and I condemn, not commend it.

The Playground by Phoebe Alexander

Rating: WARTY!

I got this freebie which offers sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - that sort of thing I never read, so I decided to take a look at this limited sample - each book had only an opening chapter or two - and to see if they were truly as bad as I think they are. It turns out - they are! Who knew? I decided to review these based solely on the sample chapters, which believe me is more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own head! It's all about guys and sex all the time and some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point - and by some serious margin, too. Actually it's not even a margin, it's more like a burgeon.

This one has a swinging schoolteacher. I quit reading when the writer wrote 'forte' with an accent on the 'e'. That's not a word. The word isn't from Italian, where the 'e' is sounded, but from the French where it's not, although both words mean 'strong'. It's pronounced 'fort' not 'fortay'. A writer should know this.

Though the 'e' is sounded in Italian, there's no accent on it. So even if the author was trying to claim it's from the Italian, what she actually wrote is a nonsense word. That and this business with the primary school-teacher swinger was just too much for me. The writing was boiler-plate boring anyway, so I saw no reason to continue. It's not that a teacher's private life - as long as it's kept separate from school (and isn't illegal!) - is anything to do with her professional life, but this felt like the author was just trying to damned hard. I can;t commend this one.

Bound by Earth by Quinn Loftis

Rating: WARTY!

My only other experience of this author was Dream of Me which I did not like at all, and while this one is better than that, it ultimately suffers from the same problems that one did. I at least made it to page 100 of this 286 page ebook. It was moderately entertaining for a while, but it was very slow-moving and there was that same problem of the main male character demanding ownership of the main female one, who becomes pretty much a wilting violet whenever she's in his presence. I guess his super-power is sucking out women's intellect and replacing it with a 'bitch-in-heat' mentality. I'm sorry, but it's pathetic, and it cheapens the female character inexcusably.

The main male wasn't in it until close to page 100 which explains how I made it that far. Had he shown up earlier with his control freak ways and shitty attitude, I would have ditched this novel correspondingly earlier. What is it with YA authors, especially female ones, in their psychotic implication that the more special a woman is, the more abusive and possessive her 'soul partner' must be? There's something seriously wrong with that kind of thinking. Any self-respecting female character would want to kick someone like him in the balls.

The story is of a girl named Tara who is naturally in her last year of high-school, because why not? Since it's a YA special snowflake novel, obviously the unbreakable rule is that both of Tara's parents are dead. She lives with a foster mom who is essentially non-existent, because that's how it is in these books. Nothing new here. What was somewhat new was Tara's best friend, named Shelley, and I adored this character. It seems to be my fate in all-too-many YA novels to despise the main character and adore her BF. That was the case here. Shelley was a breath of fresh air and a badly-needed antidote to the anal and boring Tara.

It's tempting to say I would have loved a novel about Shelley, but perhaps it would have been too much to have that kind of no-filter intensity being front and center for a whole novel. Clearly Shelley is based on Aubrey Plaza. That said, her think-it-speak-it approach to life was far less annoying than was Tara's endless correction, contradiction, and commentary in relation to Shelley's straight forward habits. This is after they'd known each other for three years so you'd think there'd be some accommodation and adaptation, but no. Shelley has to be the best friend ever to put up with Tara, not the other way round, as the author would have it.

This novel buys into the trope that this YA girl has to have a love triangle because that's so original, so there are two guys, who really ought to simply have been named Nice and Nasty. Barf. It also has it that there are only four elements, and Tara is probably a master of all four since she's so perfect. That's just a guess. The 'good guys' of the earth element have been stalking her for years, spying on her without telling her a single word about who she is, without educating her in the least, or helping her along, or warning her that people will be after her. Jerks. Perhaps because Tara is, for reasons unexplained at the point where I quit, physically invulnerable to injury, they're dumb enough to think she can't be seduced to the dark side. I dunno.

They only make an attempt to recruit her at the school's job fair where this stalker dude Jax is dishonestly posing as a member of a geological exploration group, and he tries to get her interested in working for the company. He gives her no hint of who she is. This is also where we meet Elias Creed. Seriously? Elias Creed? I about barfed at that name and almost quit reading right there. The idiotically-named Elias is an assistant to Jax and he immediately becomes possessive and controlling of Tara. Since this is YA, she sees nothing at all wrong with this, gets no bad vibes about him, and has no fears for a potential future with a control freak of a partner. Quite the contrary. I lost all respect for Tara. Not that there was much to lose by this point.

Now about that sad little cover! It's tempting to think it was designed by a guy, but it was actually done by a woman with the tongue-twisting name of Kelsey Kukal-Keeton who from what I've seen seems to have made a career out of photographically rendering young woman as sex toys. I know authors don't really have a say in the cover, but the one on this novel is appallingly inaccurate and outright stupid. The girl - correction, woman - in it looks to be twice the main character's age, and she's dressed completely unlike how Tara dresses even when Tara dresses up! Appropriately though, this is a cover worthy of a brain-dead romance novel. Unless we're supposed to understand from the cover that this novel actually is merely a sad little romance story merely masquerading as fantasy? The cover was pathetic and both the author and photographer should be ashamed of it.

But page 100 is where I quit because the stupid was getting far too ripe for my sensitivities. I cannot commend an unoriginal and downright abusive novel like this that would have it that women are chattel for controlling guys and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm done with this author.

Indiscretion by DD Lorenzo

Rating: WARTY!

I got this freebie which offers sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - that sort of thing I never read, so I decided to take a look at this limited sample - each book had only an opening chapter or two - and to see if they were truly as bad as I think they are. It turns out - they are! Who knew? I decided to review these based solely on the sample chapters, which believe me is more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own head! It's all about guys and sex all the time and some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point - and by some serious margin, too. Actually it's not even a margin, it's more like a burgeon.

The first female mentioned is Corilla Delford! Seriously? That name sounds far too much like Gorilla. The story starts out with the main male character apparently having been punched in the face during the inevitable trope bullying (predictably jock versus intellectual) that's an irremovable fixture of YA stories that are set in high-schools. Immediately following the punch is a tedious first person introductory info-dump which made me yawn. Seriously, does this author think they can draw a reader immediately into the story with a punch and then keep them reading with a yawn-inducing info-dump? It looks like somebody went to creative-writing school. Or maybe not!

Info-dumps are second only to flashbacks when it comes to ways to turn me off reading your work. Too many authors don't seem to get that you can deftly interleave history with present action so it's not an info-dump. I guess this author didn't get the memo. That was enough to turn me off this story, but even so I gamely pressed-on, only to discover this was yet another dual first person voice story and I stopped right there. Barf. Seriously? Get a clue, get an imagination, try something original.

Off Duty by Lucas X Black and Ellie Masters

Rating: WARTY!

I got this freebie which offers sample chapters of a bunch of "romance" novels - that sort of thing I never read, so I decided to take a look at this limited sample - each book had only an opening chapter or two - and to see if they were truly as bad as I think they are. It turns out - they are! Who knew? I decided to review these based solely on the sample chapters, which believe me is more than enough to judge this trash. None of these books would remotely pass the Bechdel-Wallace test because they can't even pass it within one female character's own head! It's all about guys and sex all the time and some might argue that this is okay because that's the whole purpose of the book, but I'd argue that people who say that sort of thing are missing the point - and by some serious margin, too. Actually it's not even a margin, it's more like a burgeon.

I'm sure they thought it would be cute, each writing their own alternating chapters in a dual first person voice story. The female is named Laura Peters and a peter is all she can think of. The leading male can't stand her and she sure as hell hates him, we're told. Yet they somehow overcome this hatred in their need to over...come. Laura is a trauma doctor and she's just had a very young child die after a fall which caused internal bleeding in the head. The kid is basically written-off and consigned to organ donation without even any attempt to save him.

Naturally an ER doctor never gets laid because they're always working in the ER with no time off! No, she's not an intern doing a rotation, she's a regular doctor, and still she has no free time. Even after a child dies right in front of her, or rather is given up on, the first thing the Peters thinks about is sex with the medic who brought the kid in - the one she hates but wants inexplicably wants to jump his bones. She doesn't think if there's anything she could have done differently, or what else might be done or might have been done to save the child. And this is despite chewing out one of her underlings earlier, specifically for not thinking everything through! She's a do as I say not as I do sort of a hypocrite.

As soon as chapter 2 came up and it was obvious it was going to be alternating dual first person, I wanted to quit, but I read a couple of paras just to see how this perspective went. It was no better. The transition from one paragraph where he's thinking about her to a second paragraph begins like this: "My thoughts returned again to Doctor Laura Peters." The thing is that they had never been anywhere else! This dude has an unhealthy and potentially dangerous obsession with her. Maybe they really are meant for each other. But not for me. This is trash and I quit right there.

Dual first person is twice as bad as single first person which is worst person, and this story was just stupid, unoriginal and unrealistic. There are no shades of gray here - not that that novel would have been any better. I can't commend garbage like this. I'm definitely done with Ellie Masters.