Thief Trap by Jonathan Moeller

Rating: WARTY!

The idiot librarians at Goodreads, who are useless in my experience, have this author listed under two names - one of which is Jonatha Moeller! Not that I hang out at Amazon-owned Goodreads, but I noticed this when I was looking the author up online for this review!

The novel is book one in the "Cloak Games" series - not that the book cover will tell you this. Having the cover say it's a 'Cloak Games' story is not the same thing as saying it's a prologue to a series, which all volume ones are. I don't do prologues or epilogues. The prologue is chapter one, the epilogue is your last chapter and should be numbered as such. Deal with it, authors! That said, at least this volume did not leave you hanging off a cliff at the end, and it did tell a story, so there's that. But I have to wonder at the series name: is 'cloak games' meant to try to siphon cachet from The Hunger Games?! I don't get what it even means otherwise. But it's nothing remotely to do with any Hunger Games scenario.

This was an audio book read by Meghan Kelly (not to be confused with Megyn Kelly) and there was something about her voice that didn't work for me. It didn't seem to ring true for the character for one thing. I'm not sure if that was the whole thing, or if it was just her tone or what, but I failed to be completely at ease with her reading of this book. The voice constantly took me out of suspension of disbelief.

That's only one problem though. The biggest problem was not the reader but the writer. Also, that front cover illustration? What was that? I go by a book's description and pay little to no attention to covers, but once I had this I noticed that this particular cover is so inappropriate, I have to say something about it. Normally this is not on the author because they typically have nothing to do with covers unless they're self-publishing, but this novel came through Amazon's Create Space, so it is self-published. But note that there was nothing on that cover that had anything at all to do with the main character or this story!

There is an alternate cover which also has little to do with the main character's actual abilities, but at least that one isn't a picture of a woman's torso - ignore her brain because female brains are clearly unimportant - and this woman has a leather skirt that's hardly more than a belt, and she's pulling a - what is that: a light saber from a sheath? No. This character does not do light sabers! The cover not only completely misrepresents this character, it also appeals to the lowest common denominator. Shame on whoever decided this was a 'good cover' for a novel. Maybe I should pay more attention to covers in future - and reject stories outright which have cover versions like this even if the description sounds interesting?

Ah, the story! It made little sense once I actually did get to it. The premise is that in 2013 (why then I do not know), a gate to another world opened, and Elves used their magic to conquer Earth, crushing all resistance before them. There is nothing about the takeover other than this and a rather salivating description of how the entire US federal legislature - and the president - were publicly executed. Since then Queen Elf has ruled.

The idea, I suppose is that the rest of the world suffered likewise, but the story is so US-centric - as usual - that the rest of the world may as well not exist. Nothing else is said: nothing about why the elves came, or about how the military fought back, or whether there's an active guerilla war against the occupation. Yes, we hear vague mentions of rebels, but it's so understated that it may as well not be mentioned at all.

We do learn that in the shadow lands where the elves evidently emerged from, modern weapons do not work. Since the elven swords do, I'm forced to assume that the problem isn't metal, but chemical, yet humans, who are chemically based, can live and fight in the shadow lands very well, so WTF? The other edge of that sword is that firearms do work well here in our world, so how was it the elves where able to win so easily? Nothing is said about any of that. If it was due to their powerful magic, then why do elves need humans at all?

This is a problem with this story which supposedly takes place 300 years after that conquest - yet Earth hasn't changed a bit! it's not even run out of oil! The problem lies in that one elf, Morvilind (it sounded more like Morvellan to me in the audiobook) has taken in human Nadia as his thief in residence - sort of. He trained her from a young age to work for him, giving her fighting and thieving skills, and teaching her some rudimentary magic. Why was this necessary? He's an elf. He has powerful magic; so why does he need a human thief? No explanation is given for this and Nadia never questions it despite questioning everything else.

She works for the elf because he's working a cure for her kid brother who has 'frost bite' - that's not what it's called, but I forget the actual name. Frost fever? The elf tells her the cure takes 20 years and if she fails him, so will the cure fail her brother. She never questions this! He also has a vial of her 'heart's blood' whatever that is, which gives him power over her. She has six more years to serve, but for some reason she never looks ahead to try to figure out if she can get free of Morvilind after her time is up, or if he will still force her to work for him.

Her big trial comes when she's tasked with stealing a magically-protected 'old Earth magic' tablet from a collector. This was when the story went seriously downhill for me. The male love interest for Nadia is telegraphed from several light years away. It's so obvious and she is so doting on him, it's pathetic. it turned me right off this story or any others like it and anyhtign else by this author.

Now we're told that she's supposed to be this expert thief with all kinds of mad skilz, but as soon as he shows up at the party where she's planning to steal the tablet, she subjugates herself to him in all things and is constantly reminding us of how hot and muscular he is. There's the inevitable 'let's kiss to distract the opposition' moment that is so trope it's pathetic. Is this some sort of authorial wish fulfillment? I dunno, but it's tedious.

Predictably, they succeed in their respective quests and they part with him in her debt which is ridiculous if entirely predictable. That's the end of the story and I have no desire whatsoever to pursue this series in any form. I can't commend it as a worthy read because there's too much trope and too many holes in it.

Heroine Complex by Sarah Kuhn

Rating: WARTY!

This was an audio book read competently by Emily Woo Zeller. The story is of two childhood friends, one of whom, Aveda Jupiter (note that this is her superhero name), grew up to be a renowned - if spoiled rotten - San Francisco super hero, whereas the other, Evie Tanaka, who also has a power, had such a traumatic experience with it when younger that she tamped it down and is happy - so she thinks - to play sidekick to her friend. On the one hand Asian superheroes is a good thing, but on the other, Asian stereotypes is a godawful thing.

I don't know if the author did this on purpose, but Aveda backwards is 'a diva' (near enough!), and it suits the character perfectly. Other parts of this story were amusing too, to begin with, and I liked that the 'super villain' approach here was something off the beaten track, but I DNF'd this about halfway through because I grew sick and tired of the ham-fisted and telegraphed from ten miles away 'romance' between Evie and the macho-muscled guy who also worked on Aveda's team. Their codependent relationship was the exact opposite of romantic and once again we get a novel where sexual diseases seem not to exist - at least they don't with regard to people talking about them before diving into sex. Also I didn't like the 'Jupiter' part of the hero's name. What was that all about ? Rip off Watchmen much?

There was another problem with this, too, and arguably it was the biggest one. Evie was far too weak and servile for my taste. She just annoyed the hell out of me. She did begin to rebel, but it took her half of the novel before she even remotely started to get pissed-off with the truly shitty way she was treated by Aveda. This is a toxic relationship and Evie needed to get out of it, yet no one is advising her along those lines.

I know these guys a have a long history together, but that made it harder to understand how Evie had been so subjugated for so long. Plus Evie's oft stated desire is to be normal - no superpower - but if she's that into it, why the hell doesn't she get out of the superhero life and find a "normal" job where she's not stressed, and get that life for herself? Her show and tell are completely at odds with one another.

Also we're told like fifty million times that Evie is shut-down with regard to sex (again due to her traumatic experience), and despite it being entirely possible that she is in fact asexual, this is never addressed. Instead, people are all along essentially telling her that she needs to get laid. Do I actually have to say this is the wrong approach? Not only that, it's entirely insensitive to anyone who actually is asexual.

This shut-down of Evie's inexplicably turns to rampant explicit (be warned) passion with almost no overture. The book is very mature (or immature depending on how you view it!) in a lot of language use and explicit situations, so it's not your usual PG-13 YA book The characters are all in their twenties, but appear much younger if judged from their behavior and speech patterns. It's like they're a bunch of stalled frat boys instead of super hero team. Evie also has a kid sister who is thoroughly obnoxious and pays no price for her attitude or her behavior. It's wrong. Worse though is that this teenage kid has a drinking problem that no one takes seriously.

Starting early in the story Evie is forced to step-up from side-kick to hero - or rather, hero impersonator - since (aided by a glamor from another guy whose super power is magic) she has to stand in for Aveda when the hero is injured and doesn't want to show weakness in front of her fans. It's all about fans and rather than care about what TV or news media might say, everything in this story inexplicably hinges on some chick who writes a blog and is so two-faced about it that it's not even a secret, yet no one ever calls her on her manic approach to blogging about Aveda, not even Evie, who is supposedly so protective of Aveda and her reputation.

No matter what the blogger "prints," the team continues to suck up to her and give her exclusive interviews. It was just stupid, and ridiculous to present her as the only voice in town worth listening to. Her big blog story (as this kicks off) is the zit on Aveda's face. Yeah, if this were really a young teen book, I could see that flying, maybe, but no, this is a grown-up book (supposedly), and it just felt stupid and thoroughly inauthentic, especially since it just went on and on, entirely ignoring what she'd just done to save the city. If that had been used as an example to show shallow, but mixed with other reports, that would be one thing, but it would seem that shallow is all this novel has on offer. Despite my really wanting to read this initially, I was about ready to kiss-off the story right there when finally the zit meme was done with, so I kept reading. More fool me.

Naturally Evie's latent power starts surfacing as her impersonation of Aveda drags on long past it's sell-by date, and there's a conflict, but by this point I was so tired of the poor writing and Evie's complete lack of a backbone that I couldn't stand to read any more. I moved on to a middle-grade audio book, and liked that significantly more even though it too, had problems. I guess I should have realized from the title 'heroine' as opposed to 'hero' that this novel would be all wrong for me. Not that I'd prefer to read a book about guys, but it bugs me that women have to be heroines, whereas the guys are heroes. Why not all heroes? Why does the female have to have a specially reserved title? She can't be a hero? And before you jump on that, the word 'hero' has no gender, or if it does and we go by the earliest use, it was the name of a priestess!

So in short, this is a big no: it isn't ready for prime time, it tells the wrong story, misleadingly so given the book description, and it's poorly written.

The Adventurers and the Cursed Castle by Jemma Hatt

Rating: WORTHY!

This was an audiobook that has 'series' written all over it, although there's nothing on the cover to indicate that. It's aimed at a young middle grade readership, and while I didn't think it was particularly good, it wasn't awful either, so I'm rating it a worthy read because it's not bad for the audience it's aimed at. I just think it could have been better, but the readers who go for this sort of thing are probably not as discerning or critical (or whatever!) as I am.

The story was read pretty decently by Ciaran Saward, and involved a couple of cousins, Lara and Rufus, going to stay with their great uncle at his 'castle' which is a crumbling old mansion on the coast in Cornwall, an English county that's right at the tip of south-western Great Britain. Naturally there's a 'pirate treasure' angle to it, involving an antique relative of the family, but it's not really pirate treasure, it's more like artifacts from ancient Egypt which were purloined or otherwise appropriated and were, for reasons which go unexplored, hidden away in secret location. None of this made any sense to me, much the less the byzantine cryptic clues which the kids, of course, solved.

On the down side, I felt a great educational opportunity was missed here because we learn little to nothing of Cornwall, or of the era in in which the adventurer who originally hid the treasure lived, or of Egyptian antiquities. Naturally no kid wants to read a novel that sounds like a boring and lecturing textbook, but there are plenty of ways for a skilled writer to incorporate some educational content, especially in a treasure hunt where some knowledge of history and customs can readily be made a part of the hunt, and I was sorry those opportunities were missed.

The story is a bit like a Dan Brown for middle-graders, and my problem with that is that I've never bought into this kind of 'cryptic clue hunt' because they're so far-fetched, and it makes even less sense that a small group of kids would be the subject of one incredible adventure after another, as a series of these would demand. Of course, young readers don't care about that! But cryptic clues are silly and cheapen a novel for me, and the improbability of the whole thing is like those cozy mysteries that take place in a little hamlet where the murder rate would make even a seasoned Chicago cop tremble!

No one who is dying of stab wounds is going to work out cryptic clues for Dan Brown's protagonist to solve. He's going to at best write a short note asking the protagonist to contact his granddaughter! That was truly laughable. That same sort of short-sightedness inhabits this story in that the elaborate hiding of the treasure and then the distribution of multiple cascading cryptic clues makes zero sense. Who are the clues aimed at? Why did the guy who initially had the treasure not sell it and enjoy the proceeds for himself, otherwise why did he even steal it in the first place? Did he really believe his clues would be readily soluble two hundred years hence - or even ten years hence? That takes a lot of faith!

That said, it's a reasonably fun adventure for the target audience. The younger boy, Rufus, was just annoying to me, and the girl seemed a bit lacking in oomph. The older boy Tom was also quite flat, but the story itself was innocent enough and fun enough that young middle graders will likely lap it up, so this is why I commend it as a worthy read. It's not for me though, so this series, if there is one, ends with this volume for my purposes.

Sex with Ghosts by Ion Light

Rating: WARTY!

The premise for this story was really intriguing and instantly attracted me, but the writing, spelling, and formatting quality was appalling. This was a free - well not an ebook - it came as a text file! I had to convert it to to an ebook in order to read it on my phone which is my normal book reading device.

The story started out fair enough. This guy Jeremy has the ability to will into existence anything he sees in a picture in a magazine. The story didn't mention things he sees on TV or in movies, or other media, which was disappointing. He seemed not to have experimented much, although there was a very brief mention of something to do with Polaroids and that was about it - at least in the 25% of this I could stand to read.

The things he generates through this method are real while they exist, but they are impermanent, and they disappear as soon as he sleeps, or when the object is encased in lead (or 'led' as the author insists upon writing it). He can make money through, say, materializing a diamond ring and pawning it, but he also seems to have some sort of an income of which we learn nothing in the portion of this novel that I read, so Jeremy is very much a mystery.

Not only can he create objects and machines from the pictures he sees, he can also manifest real people, who sometimes are mere shells of people, and other times much more autonomous. While he claims to have explored this, we’re told - not shown - it, so in the quarter of the novel I read, there was no such manifestation or interaction, nor any sex, I might add.

I wasn't as concerned about that as I was about the author's naming his novel with a title which fails to describe the content accurately. It felt like bait and switch to me. I don't mind sex in a novel if it's reasonably and realistically done, and it;s not gratuitous, but if you offer it and don't deliver it, it's nothing mroe than bait and switch, and it may alienate oyur readers. Also, when you then fail to deliver on any good sci-fi and start instead lecturing your readers on your own personal world view, you quickly lose my interest.

The one woman who shows up in Jeremy's life (based on the portion I read), is named Tory, and she claims to be a witch. We never get any of Jeremy's magazine creations to see what they're like or to run any sort of comparison between them and her. Nor did I learn why she shows up, or has such an interest in him, or even how she learned about him, and he seems to have no curiosity about any of these questions, which makes Jeremy a thoroughly boring charcter, as is Tory herself.

Jeremy also seems to be able - unintentionally - to shut down electronic devices, yet he's able to will a motor vehicle into existence and drive it, so why he doesn't screw-up the electrics and electronics of a car or an airplane he wills into existence, yet does this to other stuff went disappointingly unexplained. This kind of thing bothered me. It felt like lazy writing or inattentive at least. The whole novel went downhill about a quarter of the way in when it felt like the author was lecturing us about his personal pet peeves and his favorite things rather than getting on with telling a story. Until then it hadn't been too bad, but that turned me right off and I quit reading it at that point. Maybe the questions and issues I had are answered later in the novel, but I had no interest at that point in reading on to find out.

The problem with this novel is that it seemed to me rather like it might be more of an exercise in authorial wish-fulfillment than in a good-faith effort to tell a story, but even then it felt like the author got off-track about a quarter the way in, and lost the thread of what had been quite interesting until, then despite some issues. I kept reading, hoping he would get back to the story, but he didn’t seem interested in going there, which is why I gave up on it.

There were a lot of formatting and grammatical errors in the text. Here are a few that I noted: "Caucasian, bald, go-t beard" (should have read, 'goatee beard' - or just 'goatee') "Farah Faucet" (Fawcett - why she gets a mention rather than someone more recently popular seems to speak volumes about the author!) "Give me a brake" (break!) "DnD" as opposed to the more common (and more intelligible) "D&D" for Dungeons and Dragons. "The wanded him down" (They) Character Maria becomes Mary at one point in the story Scotish (when Scottish was intended, but probably should really be just 'Scots'). "I get carried away sometime." (should read 'sometimes') "people in harms way (should be 'harm's') There's a character named Shuri whose name is usually but not always shown with a lower cased 'S'

As far as writing is concerned, the author put in a awful lot of 'he said she said' in conversations. Of course a long conversation between two or more people can be confusing if it’s never identified who is saying what, but you don't need to put 'said' and asked' after every quoted speech. This author did, and it was really irritating and made the text sound like machine-gun fire. Below is an example (with the actual content of the speech removed and just shown as two sets of quotes: ""), and only the identifying parts are left in, so you can see what I mean. What's shown below is otherwise unaltered:
"" Tory said.
"" Jeremy said.
"" Tory asked.
"" Jeremy said.
""
"" Tory said.
"" Jeremy asked.
"" Tory asked.
""
"" Jeremy said.
"" Tory asked.
"" Jeremy said.
"" Tory said.
"" Jeremy said.
"" Tory said.
"" Jeremy said.
""
"" Tory said.
"" Jeremy asked
"" Tory asked
"" Jeremy said
"" Tory said

Boring! There are creative ways to improve on this without having to employ the robotic he said she said metronomic approach. One thing the author wasn't big on was description and scene setting. Too much of that can be a distraction and lead to a rambling story, especially if it’s not germane to the story, but a little judicious description here and there really helps, and it can also be employed to break-up the rigid tick-tock of a back and forth exchange like this one.

Given the issues and the fact that the story completely and unapologetically derailed itself a quarter of the way through and became a lecture, I can't commend this as a worthy read.

Palace of Lost Memories by CJ Archer

Rating: WARTY!

This was an audiobook - evidently the first of a series although I did not realize that going into it, which annoyed the hell out of me. The 'After the Rift Book One' label on the book cover was hardly intelligible in the ad offering the audiobook for sale at a discount, so I didn't notice it. I picked up the book because it sounded really interesting. Had I known it was first in a series I probably would not have picked it up because I would have known that it was inevitably a prologue in which no mystery was solved and the story would have gone nowhere beyond world building. Very few series really get me interested in following them. Typically, they're too long, too boring, and too unimaginative and derivative. I don't want to read the same story over and over with nothing but a few tweaks in between, which is what series are for the most part.

With a title about a palace of lost memories a reader naturally expects something mysterious and a resolution, but neither appeared. The story moved excruciatingly slowly and had way too much dillydallying, and instead of a mystery it came across as a romance, which I for one didn't appreciate at all. Nevertheless I kept listening in the hope that something interesting would show up to explain why all the denizens of the palace had memories which had been blanked prior to the point when the palace showed up. I never got that, and the story ended rather abruptly without even addressing the lost memories portion of it. It was teased several times, but it never was really discussed and it sure didn't get resolved because this is a series and the author has to stretch it out to milk the readers for as much cash as she can. I do not appreciate that, and I do not support books like that.

The book began - and despite being first person it was read pretty decently by Marian Hussey - with the mystery of a large place suddenly arising out of nowhere with no sign of anyone building it. That ought to have caused a sensation of curiosity and even fear among the locals, but inexplicably it didn't. Everyone just seemed to accept that this was normal despite the story having done nothing to introduce or establish any magical elements or precedents.

What was even more odd though was that no one seemed to have ever heard of this king or his palace or at least knew nothing about him. It was like a magical palace plopping down from nowhere was a normal thing in this neighborhood. What, no one owned the land it appeared on? No one had an issue with that?! No one - not even the local nobility - knew anything about the king or his past so they could fill in the blanks for the palace personnel?

The only mystery that this story focused on was that of a Lady - the king's fiancée, evidently - being poisoned and the only person who could cure her was the father of the main character, Josie. Josie was a midwife with physican skills who assisted her father, a doctor, but who was, as we were constantly reminded, ineligible to be a doctor herself because she was a woman. This is how Josie lucked-in to become a persona grata at the palace, yet despite her frequently coming through for them with treatments and cures, the king never once upped and changed the law so that she could be a doctor. That was something I'd expected to happen in this story, and I was disappointed that it didn't.

The other oddity about the novel was that Josie and her father were supposedly well-known and liked in the town which at times seems like a village and at others like a city. For example, despite being beloved and knowing the town like the back of her hand, at one point Josie perceives that she's being followed and runs off, switching directions randomly to escape and ends up lost in a very sordid part of town, where apparently no one knows her and she doesn't know this area at all! It made no sense given the cozy view of the 'village' we'd had before. Worse, the guy who is following her is purportedly not a bad guy, yet he doesn't lift a finger to help her in her predicament. Again, it made no sense.

The book description, evidently once again written by some dickhead who never read the book claims, "In the search for the truth, Josie is drawn deeper into danger, and the answers she seeks might shake the very foundations of the kingdom." No, she's never actually in any danger until the very close of the book, and that's resolved before you can even start to feel concerned for her. Besides, she's the main character and she's also telling the story in first person, so how can anything harmful possibly befall her? That's one more reason why first person is typically a fail for me. And nothing happens that even remotely threatens the very foundations of the kingdom. Once again, the blurb lies.

Add to all of this the rather dull characters and it makes me want to yawn. Josie's love interest, Captain Hammer may as well have been a hammer for all the emotion he exhibits and Josie is hardly any better, showing herself not to be smart, but to be impulsive and foolish as often as not. It's not someone I want to read any more about, and I lost any interest I'd initially had in the mystery of the lost memories. Do I want to keep reading a series that fails to actually address the main topic the series is supposed to be about? Do I want to be led by the nose, continually betrayed by an author who baits one thing and switches the entire story to another? No! I can't commend this as a worthy read at all.

Black Annis: Demon Hunter by Aubrey Law

Rating: WORTHY!

This is the first in a series (Revenge of the Witch) and I'm not typically a series fan, but this short novel did have some interesting aspects, and I am a fan of going off the beaten track, so this appealed to me. That said, I have mixed feelings about whether I'll pursue it beyond this story, which is in effect (as are all first volumes) just a prologue. I'm not a fan of prologues either, and I typically skip them!

The story is a bit of a rip-off of an English legend so why it's set in the US is a mystery. Apparently no novel is worth reading unless it's US-based! I don't subscribe to that, but the premise for this one intrigued me. Rather than go out snatching babies from their homes and eating them as the legendary Black Annis does, this Black Annis is a demon-destroyer. She doesn't do this out of any sort of altruism however, but through a desire for vengeance on her tormentors and captors after having been kept in hell for four hundred years.

How she survived compos mentis during that time is rather skipped over, but Annis's survival trick in the carnal world is to take over a new body whenever she's done with the old one. She does this by finding someone who is evil and simply inhabiting their body, thereby putting an end to their evil reign. There's no clear word on what happens to the old bodies which Annis discards. How this behavior got her into hell is also rather danced around. After her break from hell though, and through a misunderstanding, she inhabits the wrong woman (that is, an innocent rather than a guilty one) and she manages to escape from a sex-slavery den with that woman's lover. Their new relationship isn't carnal; it's fraught with danger since demons do not stop hunting her.

This was one thing which made me hesitant about reading another volume. Do I really want to read another book about violent slaughtering of disgusting demons? One volume is usually more than enough of that sort of thing, and the problem with series is that by their very nature they're derivative, repetitive, unimaginative, and therefore boring, if not sickening. My jury is still out on whether or when "I'll be back!" Part of the problem with series and one which was exhibited here quite strongly, is that the first volume is all-too-often mistakenly used as the workhorse in building the world in which the series will take place.

I got the feeling that this was like the opening stage of a chess game, with key pieces being moved into place. The problem as that I was hoping for an actual game, and I never really got one. The story never got past the opening gambit. This is a problem. I wish more writers of series would actually give you a novel to read and enjoy, and they would worry about filling out their world in subsequent volume rather than try cramming their entire set-up into the first volume so all you get is world building instead of a satisfying story. This story was okay, but it wasn't as rewarding as it could have been had the author put more into it. It wasn't really a whole story, so that was a downer for me.

The writing in general was good. There was only one real writing issue I can recall, and it was where Annis and her friend were breaking into a vampire residence which had armed human guards, and one of the guards had instructed another guard to kill Annis and her friend. In the end, it was the guard who got shot, and I read, "Hey, aren't they gonna know you just killed that guard?" Well yeah! The guard had been instructed to shoot them , so the other guard was expecting to hear two shots, not one! Why they would think the shot would give anything away was a mystery. The question that was asked ought to have been "Hey, aren't they expecting two shots?" So, it could have been better thought-through, but it wasn't a disaster.

Be warned that the descriptions are quite graphic and the language isn't restrained at all. That's what gave the book authenticity for me, because it if had gone with a PG-13 take, it would have sucked, and sounded so hollow and pathetic. But there are only so many descriptions of vile demons, and only so many ways of killing them that I can stand to read before tedium sets in. This is why it was hard to see where this book would go from here and still manage to keep things fresh and entertaining - and interesting. There was nothing in this set-up which made me desperate to read on and find out what happened to character X or situation Y, although I did like the general tone of the story.

So overall, I consider this a worthy read, but I'm skeptical about future installments.

Tentacles and Teeth by Ariele Seeling

Rating: WARTY!

The problem with this story is that it was too improbable for me to get into at all, so I never made it beyond the first few pages. I don't mind fantasy, but for me, it has to be reasonably realistic - at least within its own framework, and this was not. The idea of a tentacled organism on dry land doesn't work for a variety of reasons - which is why we only see animals with tentacles in the ocean. The idea of what is, essentially, a giant 'kraken' taken right out of Pirates of the Caribbean, which is as big as a small house, and which has teeth and can move with frightening speed on dry land is nonsensical, so it turned me right off, but it got worse.

There was no explanation given for where these creatures came from, why they came, or how they arose. It was like the author was simply cribbing directly from the Pacific Rim movies and her hero Askari seems like a female adventurer from some video game - like Zelda, for example - so there's really nothing original here. I can see how an author wants to create scary beasts to make obstacles for her hero's quest, but the problem I see quite consistently in these stories is that these creatures are either of this nature: 'fish out of water' animals that make no sense (which was almost literally the case here), or improbably giant or mutant versions of existing animals. It's rather tedious and it too-often doesn't work. The thing is that there are plenty of real and scary organisms from Earth's past that with just a minor tweak or two will work admirably. You don't need to delve deeply into the ridiculous to get the effect you're after.

I didn't read far enough to see this myself, but after I decided this novel wasn't for me, I read some reviews by others and they were saying that the story is essentially one of each chapter being a new monster this girl has to escape or fight, and despite supposedly being the best warrior, she always seems out of her depth and needs help. This unimaginative and tedious metronomic rinse and repeat approach to story-telling made me glad I wasted no more time in reading further. I can't commend it based on the admittedly little I read. And Aerial Ceiling (near enough!)? Is that a real name? Maybe it is but it seems highly suspect, to me!

Dating Nashville by Ann Maree Craven, Michelle MacQueen

Rating: WARTY!

Erratum: "Some things were bound to change, but others never did not." What the hell does that mean, exactly?!

Is this Dating Him #1 or Discovering Me #1? Who knows. Maybe it's discovering me dating him? This story, which borrows heavily from MTV's Faking it 'comes out' as one about a huge rarity: a gay country singer, but the truth is that there's a score of gay and lesbian country performers already out, so this isn't exactly a hen's teeth situation.

It was a huge fail for me not because of that though, but because so much is telegraphed all the time that it feels like déjà vu all over again reading it. It's not so much telling instead of showing as broadcasting instead of showing! On top of that, the behaviors described for assorted people in the story were not remotely realistic, and worse, the main relationship was thoroughly inauthentic and the two main characters essentially, were dicks. Which I guess is appropriate!

The story is set in a bewildering world of people. I assume each of these gets their own story that has been or will be told in other novels which the publisher and authors clearly want you to spend your hard-earned money on. Not me. I'm done and I managed only about 25% of this before I tired of the nonsensical story. The idea is that rising country star "Becks" is an older friend of a guy named Nikki who is having a rough time with his bi boyfriend. Well, deal with it Nikki! He's bi and he's young. It's going to be a while before he settles on anyone - assuming he ever does. The thing is that the two of them (B&N, not N & boyfriend) have never had a relationship other than as distant friends and Becks has had virtually no contact in two years since his career began taking off.

So neither one of this pair has even thought about any sort of intimacy with the other, yet one night when playing a concert, Becks sees Nikki in the audience looking upset while confronting his boyfriend who is with a girl. This is the boyfriend that Nikki already has given up on, so we're told, so the upset seems fake at best. Becks's behavior is even more so since he jumps off the stage in the middle of his concert and kisses Nikki, thereby exposing him to publicity, which is the last thing the younger man craves.

Despite Becks not being that big of a star (which was why he was playing that venue rather than a large, packed stadium), we're expected to believe that the media world explodes, that paparazzi are everywhere demanding answers, and his recording company is demanding he run with this gay aspect because it's trending. I'm sorry but this is horseshit. None of it makes any sense. If Becks is such a huge star, his recording company can hardly hold him to ransom over this, and if Becks is such a rebel, why does he so meekly fall into line? He's not even that big of a star, so who cares about his domestic trivia, really? The story is all over the place and it doesn't gel.

For the most part it was written decently in terms of good English, although the story wasn't where it needed to be. One oddball thing I read stuck with me: "And you know as well as I that gay is just a label." Um... I'm not sure what the authors are trying to say here, but I am sure they could have worded it a lot better! So all in all - or all in one quarter anyway, I can't commend this.

The Ballerinas by Rachel Kapelke-Dale

Rating: WARTY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

I really need to quit reading stories where the description has it that this novel is "Story X meets Story Y," where X and Y are well-known novels or movies. Rather than represent the best of the referenced stories they're supposed to mash-up, such books as this always seem to exemplify the worst of them.

Unfortunately this one is in first person which is worst person for the most part. I do not like first person stories because they're far too "me me me." If you get a good author and a decent main character narrating, it can work, but this main character, Delphine, was not a nice person and she was completely unlikeable. It became ever harder to listen to her whiny voice and endless self-absorption which is only one reason why I DNF'd this.

The fact that Delphine smoked didn't help. I have an aversion to characters who smoke, and it seems like a bad idea to have your character be a ballet dancer and smoke. That's not to say that no ballet dancer ever smoked (or had any other bad habits), but I think an author needs to ask questions like: "what are we promoting here?" and "do I really want my readers to detest her?" I'm not sure the author considered those questions in imbuing Delphine with the traits she has, while simultaneously trying to have it that she was who she was.

Quite honestly, I don't really like to watch ballet performances, but I do appreciate the work the dancers do and the sacrifices they make, so maybe that's why I like a good ballet story, or documentary of which I have read and seen many. This one isn't such a story.

On a point of order (or maybe en pointe of order!) let's take that term - dancers - for example. Despite the novel's title, the term 'ballerina' is traditionally one that is reserved, in ballet, for exceptional performers, and the title étoile for a real star. None of the three main characters in this novel, Delphine, Lindsay, and Margaux (who may as well not be in it for all she contributes) is a ballerina much less an étoile. They are danseuses, which admittedly would not make for such an appealing title.

These three dancers are at the Paris Opera Ballet School, although for all that counts in the story, they could be ballet dancers anywhere, really. This never really felt like a French novel, and I was kicked out of suspension of disbelief more than once, for example when at one point the author tells us "There's no real word for creepy in French" (try glauque).

This kind of thing wasn't helped by the body-shaming employed at least at one place (I DNF'd this novel so I can't speak for all of it) when I read, "A ballerina is a perfect woman. Thin. Beautiful. Invisibly strong." I agree with the third item, but thin and beautiful are abusive and were completely unnecessary. Again, this story is in first person, so this was Delphine making this observation, but it spoke badly of her as a person and turned me off her even more than I already was. Yes, there are thin ballet dancers, but how they get that way is a whole other story that's barely touched on here, where all danseuses seem to be cookie-cutter clones of one another with no room for personality or individuality.

There was also a confused section which read "This one looked like it was from the early 19'60s:" where it seems like the author had written '60's and then added the century and forgot to remove the apostrophe. A minute problem, but still one more problem. Maybe that will be fixed in the final copy.

On top of all of this were the endless flashbacks in the story. I'm not a fan of flashbacks, especially not extensive ones, and even more especially not when these diversions didn't really have divisions from the current story - certainly not by chapter - nor were they truly separate as entities since the flashbacks were imbued with the present day perspective, and the present day sometimes had Delphine recalling significant things from the past. It became, at times, hard to remember where we were in time, and this only served to dissolve the story into an ungodly and tiresome mess.

It's one thing to tease a mystery from the past, but when it's teased out over scores of muddled pages of sometimes tedious text, that's just irritating to a reader. I made it through fifty percent of this and we were no nearer at all to getting even an inkling of what this big faux pas was. That's when I gave up, during yet another uninformative story-halting flashback, and I said the hell with it! At that point, I was so frustrated with the story that I really didn't care anymore what happened or who it happened to, or how much it hurt. I'm done with this! It was that bad.

If this novel had been more concise, had focused more on ballet and less on trivial drama, and had told a better story instead of mindlessly meandering and holding up a tease that was probably only going to be a disappointing letdown anyway, I would have been onboard with it, but as it is, I can't commend it as a worthy read. It was time to jeté-son it and move allongé to something more divertissement.

The Tragedy of Macbeth by William Shakespeare

Rating: WARTY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher. This is the first audiobook I've had from Netgalley and it worked flawlessly in their app, playing through my car audio. I shall definitely look for more audiobooks from them.

This was a multi-performer audiobook featuring Scott Brick, Dion Graham, Johnny Heller, JD Jackson, Steven Anthony Jones, Käthe Mazur, Carol Monda, Paula Parker, Maggi-Meg Reed, and Simon Vance. With the exception of Johnny Heller (who I do not like as a narrator) and Simon Vance, who I know is British, I'd never heard of any of these people, but there wasn't a Scot among them at least as judged from the voices. Most sounded American which for me took away from the entire story.

I know Shakespeare himself probably didn't hire Scots to perform this back in the day, but he did not live in an age of #OwnVoices! Neither was there any real Scots music. Normally I'm not a fan of music in audiobooks - unless the book happens to be about music and the audio contributes positively. Otherwise, I'd rather have just the voices. The music is an irritation, especially here where it contributes nothing and does nothing to add atmosphere.

The real tragedy of Macbeth though, is that this play doesn't remotely represent the actual story of this Scot - Duncan, King of Alba - which is a game of thrones all of itself. Macbeth didn't murder Duncan unless you want to loosely label Duncan's death in battle, fighting Macbeth's forces as murder. Macbeth didn't descend into madness but took the throne after defeating the rather paranoid Duncan in battle and he ruled for almost two decades before being killed in battle himself. His wife is barely mentioned in history and certainly didn't pursue the evil path laid out for her in this misogynistic work of Shakespeare's. But let's side-step that somewhat thorny issue and consider this as a work of art.

When looked at in that light, the main problem is that this is a poorly-written play. Its brevity is the only good thing about it. I know Shakespeare is all-but worshipped, but not by me. I do agree that he came up with a nice turn of phrase here and there, but most of his work is ripped-off from others, and is tedious to listen to, and way too flowery. If we today had never heard of these works, and someone wrote his plays now, exactly as he has written them, they wouldn't have become renowned at all. For the most part they would have died the death if not been laughed out of town, and they would never have been heard of again. What does that tell you? I don't really know why he rose to such heights, but I think Shakespeare is way overblown.

Nonetheless I was interested in listening to this since, while I have attended some Shakespeare plays live, and seen others done as movies, my only experience of this one had been via a comic book story, Toil and Trouble by Mairghread Scott, Kelly Matthews, Nichole Matthews. I reviewed that as a worthy read some two or three years ago. I'm sorry to report disappointment in this audio effort, though. The prevalence of American accents rather took away from the suspension of disbelief, especially Heller's which just irritates me, I have to say. But the play's the thing and even the Americanization of this might have been tolerable had the play itself not been so god-awful! I'm sorry, but it was. It was lousy.

The best exemplification of this for me was in a speech at the beginning of Scene 8, wherein Siward learns that his son was killed. Here's the exact quote:

Ross: Your son, my lord, has paid a soldier's debt: He only lived but till he was a man; The which no sooner had his prowess confirmed In the unshrinking station where he fought, But like a man he died.
Siward: Then he is dead?

Seriously? That's just one example. I'm sorry, but I cannot stand that sort of stupid writing unless it's done purposefully in a parody, say, in which case it would have been funny.

The entire play, mercifully short as it is, is one long tedious ramble like this, with florid language over-used and no real poetry at all. It's entirely unrealistic and inauthentic, and it's a chore to get through. The over-acting and Americanization of it did nothing to help. There was a bigger and better story to be told here and Shakespeare missed it, while George RR Martin seems to have had a much better grasp of this sort of thing! I cannot commend this audiobook as a worthy listen.

The Girl Who Stole an Elephant by Nizrana Farook

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

This novel for middle-graders was light and entertaining and a decently enjoyable read. It took off at a great pace and was highly entertaining, but toward the end I have to say that it seems to lose track a bit and began to flounder, and the ending itself wasn't exactly thrilling, but overall I found it a decent read for the intended audience.

The story is of Chaya, a young girl who is an accomplished and shameless thief, but she uses her spoils to help out people in her local community. She finds she's bitten-off more than she can chew though, when she actually steals jewels from the queen herself, and ends up accidentally getting her best friend jailed as the thief. She rescues him and makes her escape on the king's prize elephant, and the adventure gets wild!

There were a few minor issues I had with the writing. Amazon's Kindle process is well-known for turning books into kindling. Why people continue to support Amazon and its practices, I do not know. I guess capitalism has a lot to do with it. As an example of what I mean, at one point I read this:

"You can see him, and then we’ll leave." He kept
53
looking at her from time to time."

As you can see, the page number (53 in this case) is incorporated right into the text. Kindle will not convert text properly unless it's the plainest vanilla. You cannot have headers and footers in your book when you let them convert it. Trust me, if Amazon's Kindle can screw up your text, it will gleefully do so. And you sure as hell don't ever want to let them kindle your images. This is one of many reasons why I refuse to publish with Amazon or have any truck with them or their Goodreads website.

There were other problems, such as misplaced backgrounds for the chapter header numbers. There was another example of kindling here, where a whole line was mashed together:

you.” Aroundthemthementalkedandlaughedandmunched their food,

I also read some seemingly anachronistic text, such as, "He’s been fired, Chaya." which not only sounds way too modern for the story setting, but you don't 'fire' a military guard! At another point I read,

"Orders?" said Chaya. "From whom?"

Some writers cannot get out of their own way, it seems! I know that 'whom' is technically correct here, but no one actually says 'whom' anymore in real life, unless they're really pretentious. That just jumped out at me as being inauthentic, especially since Chaya isn't exactly a language scholar!

But these are relatively minor quibbles and while you cannot cure a kindling of a novel, many of the issues hopefully will have been fixed in the final published version. The important thing is, like I said, that I enjoyed the story, the earlier parts and the beginning of their jungle adventure more than the last, I dunno, third or so? It seems like the king's men had a much easier time of tracking Chaya and co. in the jungle than reality would support, and I could have actually read a whole novel about Chaya's thieving exploits, but overall this was fun. I really liked Chaya. She did become a bit of a boor at times in the jungle, but despite her failings she was a strong female character and I'm all for those. I enjoyed this story. It was fresh, different, and entertaining for the most part, and I commend it as a worthy read. I'll be keeping an eye open for future Nizrana Farook novels.

Girl Warriors by Rachel Sarah

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

This is a book consisting of short bios of 26 young female climate "warriors" and how they came to prominence. No, Greta Thunberg isn't one of them, but she gets a lot of mentions! I think the author wanted to shine the spotlight in other directions for a change and there's nothing wrong with that.

The girls are as follows. They're in the same order as in the book, but I'm not actually sure if there is any order with regard to how these names appear. Each item in the list contains the nationality and very briefly, something they're known for. I don't list their ages because that's not as important as what they've done. One entry consists of two sisters, so there are only 25 listings.

• Daphne Frias, USA - voice against pollution
• Saoi O'Connor, Ireland - climate striker
• Maya Penn, USA - fabric recycling
• Selina N Leem, USA - rise in sea levels
• Elsa Mengistu, USA - national director Zero Hour
• Catarina Lorenzo, Brazil - coral reefs
• Ridhima Pandey, India - climate change awareness
• Isha Clarke, USA - green new deal
• Hannah Testa, USA - plastic pollution
• Haven Coleman, USA - human-caused changed
• Lilly Platt, Netherlands - plastic pollution
• Ayisha Siddiqa, USA - greenhouse gases
• Melati and Isabel Wijsen, Indonesia - plastic pollution
• Kallan Benson, USA - climate awareness
• Shreya Ramachandran, USA - water shortage
• Jamie Margolin, USA - founder of Zero Hour
• Imogen Sumbar, Australia - fire risk
• Bella Lack, UK - climate impact on wildlife
• Malaika Vaz, India - endangered animals
• Mabel Athanasiou, USA - waste reduction
• Elizabeth Wathuti, Kenya - tree planting
• Sarah Goody, USA - environmental activist
• Vanessa Nakate, Uganda - drought
• Haile Thomas, USA - healthy eating
• Isabella Fallahi, USA - youth voice

One thing that I immediately noticed is how prominent the USA is in that list. It's sad that there couldn't have been greater diversity - not in skin color or ethnicity, but in which nations these people represent. 60% of them are in the USA, and while some of those have ancestry or are immigrants from other countries, it's still sad that a nation with little more than 4% of the world's population gets the lion's share of this story especially when the US contributes a lion's share of pollution.

What - there are no activists in China? There's only one representative from the same Pacific islands that are going to be impacted hugely forms ea-level rise? There are only two in Africa, which as a continent has low emissions, but is suffering a great impact from climate change. The USA, which has actively sought to destroy environmental agreements and legislation over the past four years, swallows the Earth's resources and causes pollution wa-ay out of proportion to its population - or any other portion of the world. Maybe the author thinks the USA needs more activists to offset the selfish damage it's doing?

That important beef aside, the stories are heart-warming and inspiring. That's what's most important, and it's why this book is well worth reading. Strong women, storng views, dedicated work. It's all in here, and I commend it as a worthy read.

That Thing about Bollywood by Supriya Kelkar

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

This middle-grade work of fiction is about Sonali, a young girl whose parents are on the verge of breaking-up, and her reaction to this isn't what the majority of kids her age might experience. Sonali's reaction is for her to perceive her world turning into a Bollywood musical movie, along with songs, dance, and scenery changes. But she's the only one who seems to be aware that the entire world is changing!

I should say right up front that I'm not really a fan of Bollywood movies, but I do like Indian music and I love stories about the Indian people, even writing a couple myself. There was a short story titled Upanishad in Poem y Granite, and a full length new adult novel titled Balletwood which I published recently. But enough about me!

Sonali has learned, over her short eleven years, to bottle her feelings up and screw the top down tight, so when stress from her parents' antagonistic behavior, her younger brother's tearful reaction to it, and the possibility that she might be losing her best friend, all conspire to come down on her at once, it seems like something weird happens and her life becomes, slowly and by stages, a musical! Why not?!

I loved the changing emotional landscape and Sonali's valiant attempts to figure out what was going on, all the while trying to control her feelings, and her frequent references to 'filmi magic' which amused the heck out of me. She's a strong female character, and I appreciate those. The only writing issue I noticed in this novel was when I read, "...my bicep aching...." It's actually biceps! The bicep is a part of the biceps, but it's not the bulge one sees when someone flexes their upper arm. I guess it's technically possible to have a bicep ache, but usually people are not that specific! That's a minor pet peeve of mine because I read it (along with other language atrocities) so often, usually in idiotic YA novels.

Apart from that though, I loved the way this was written and I commend it as a worthy read. I shall be watching author Supriya Kelkar with anticipation from now on!

The Song of Sirin by Nicholas Kotar

Rating: WARTY!

This novel is a retelling of the old Russian story of Prince Ivan and the Gray Wolf. Many of these old folk tales are bizarre and brutal, but this one takes some beating. It's a story of stupidity and cruelty, and of theft and kidnapping, and you'd seriously have to put in some work to render it into an interesting story for modern ears - unless you just wanted to piss-off people. It doesnlt help that the story has too modern of s sensibility. I read at one point for example: "Don’t forget that it’s in the main square today." To me, that didnt seem like it fit the antique sensibility the author was trying to extstablish here, and it took me out of suspension of disbelief.

This author in my opinion has failed to make the story interesting and worse, has failed to make the characters interesting either. I started out interested, but became bored to tears rather quickly, and despite plugging on for a while in the hope that it would improve, I gave up about third of the way through because literally nothing was happening except that the 'prince' character, here named Voran, was showing us quite often how stupid and lethargic he was. And just in passing, Voron has a sister named Lebía. His sister has a name that's reminiscent of labia? Really?

He ends up meeting a pilgrim (here that's like a sorcerer-cum-prophet) who specifically tells him that to save the city he must find the living water, but rather than ask about this water: where it is, how to find it, and rather than ask the pilgrim to magically transport him there (a trick the pilgrim has shown himself quite capable of performing), Voran lolls around doing nothing. Later, he takes off on a trip with a bunch of people going on a pilgrimage, and then he abandons them for no good reason despite having been haunted all his life by his father's having abandoned some people in the past in similar circumstances - a dereliction of duty for which he's despised as a traitor. In short, Voron should really be named Moron.

Voran knows that this entire society will come crashing down if he doesn't find this living water. He can see signs that society is dying, yet at no point does he show any interest whatsoever in getting started on his quest. He's a dick. The problem is that instead of telling this really short story of the wolf in one volume, this author has gone the mercenary way of trying to turn it into a trilogy or a series, and it has suffered for it by dragging tediously along when a reader like me wants to see something happen, so the hell with it. I'm done with this story and with this author.

Ouroboros by Odette C Bell

Rating: WARTY!

This book is a dumb - and I might add highly inapropriate - so-called romance between Nida Harper, who is a cadet at the United Galactic Coalition Academy (which is way more of a mouthful than it needs to be) and a superior officer.

Any book (or movie or TV show) that blabbers about some galactic-wide entity good or bad, or about a coalition, or about saving the galaxy, is full of shit. All it tells me is that the author doesn't have the first clue how huge and sparsely-populated the galaxy is - and I'm talking habitable planets, not even actual populations. What it does tell me is how narrow the mind is and how limited the imagination is of the author.

This novel sounded like it might be interesting, but in the end it was a joke. Harper comes off like that sad and pathetic Jar Jar Binks in the risible Star Wars 'return of the endlessly recycled movie plot' trilogy of trilogies. Her superior officer ought to be drummed out of the regiment for his inappropriate interest in someone under his command. Harper is the worst candidate at the school and would have been herself drummed out in any real world scenario.

On an evidently poorly-supervised trip to an alien world, Harper is exposed to a source of energy. Why this energy takes over her body and then ridiculously and desperately wants to return to the world where she picked it up is a complete mystery that's not explored - at least in this first volume I read. Why, when a cadet is found inexplicably unconscious and injured on an alien planet surface during what ought to have been a routine exploration, she's not hospitalized and a full inquiry conducted is another mystery. The author either doesn't understand the military, or military standards have plummeted precipitously between now and whenever this story is set.

The interest Lieutenant Carson Blake shows in her is not only inappropriate since he's an authority figure with power over her, it's inexplicable since the two are falling for each other without having spent any significant time together. So: the story is badly-plotted and badly-written.

I know authors do not have control over the book description or the cover when they essentially give up their rights as Big Publishing™ takes over their novel, but to read that Nida has "matted, black, compact curls" and then look at the cover image where she has long, flowing, straight hair tells me once again that the ignoramus who designed the cover never even so much as looked at the text underneath it. This is why I normally pay zero attention to book covers because they're typically so pathetic and misleading and aimed at the lowest common denominator - which often is the crotch, hence the cover image's tight, clinging leather, with the lowered zipper over the bulging chest. Pathetic. The cover designer ought to be chemically neutered.

I have a hard time with sci-fi characters who have ridiculous apostrophes in their name. Nida's best friend sounds like she comes from Vulcan: "J'Etem" who is Nida's token black friend, and who is, of course an alien. The first thing these two females talk about in worshipful tones is a guy, so I guess Odette Bell never heard of the Bechdel-Wallace test. J'Etem was supposed to be Nida's best friend, but after that initial introductory mention, she virtually disappeared from this story, like the author had forgotten who her best friend was. No matter what bad things happened to Nida, J'Etem didn't give a shit, apparently.

Given the image on the front cover I kept expecting Nida to grow a pair (of breasts) but she never did - always taking a back seat to the lieutenant or to the energy that raped her. I was as disappointed in that as I was in the poor biology on display here. Like in the dumb-ass Star Trek episodes, there was inter-species reproduction, which is nonsensical. I read that one alien was "An enormous man of half-human half-Yara build." No! Not going to happen! The closest species to humans on Earth is the chimpanzee with which we share a common ancestor and it's not remotely possible to hybridize those two species, so there's no way in hell a human is ever going to produce offspring, viable or otherwise by mating with an alien - unless it was through some bizarre Frankensteinian experiment in a lab.

Thoughtless writing didn't help. With a few pages I read these thing of the same charcter: "Now he had nothing to do." "He had things to do, and it was time to stop wasting the day." "Blake admitted he wasn’t busy." One could get whiplash reading a collection of stupidly contradictory claims in such close proximity to one another.

As usual there was far too much emphasis on shallow physical details and little to none of the important traits a being might have. I read, "J'Etem was stunning. She was Barkarian, and she was beautiful from her lustrous hair to her plush purple lips." Seriously? No. Just no. This novel is one of the most egregious examples of poor YA writing and it sucked.

Damaged by Becca Vincenza

Rating: WARTY!

I didn't realize this was a werewolf story or I would have avoided it like the plague. Werewolf stories are marginally more stupid than vampire stories, and I gave up on this one in short order. Once in a while there's a truly rare one that's worth reading, but those are so scarce that I wonder sometimes if it's just a folktale. This had initially sounded interesting from the blurb, but we all know how misleading those are, don't we? (For detials see my 'non-review' reviews!)

The quality of the writing did not help. I read things like, "looked like she sleeping." I read, "released my grip on her bicep." This is a common failing in YA novels, most of which seem these days to have been written by people for whom English is a despised second language as judged by how poorly it's used. It's biceps, moron. I read, "He didn’t say anything more as the doors opened. The doors chimed and parted as the elevator came to a halt" Twice, really? And the doors chimed? Really?

I should have listened to my gut, which was sickened by the words in the description: "Stone is determined to protect her" when juxtaposed with the cover illustration which shows him - a figure of authority and power in her life - getting jiggy with her. Yeah. How's that protection working, Stone? Or does protection to you mean wearing a condom while you take advantage of a scared and weakened woman who has been broken down into complete compliance through torture? Stone is an asshole. And this is evidently yet another female YA author who apparently detests her own gender.

This novel rubbed me up the wrong way from the start. I no longer buy novels that are first person if I can avoid it, and I deliberately ditched the remainder of my first person print books unread because I am so sick of first person voice. Unfortunately I still have a few in my ebook collection acquired a while ago and which occasionally bubble to the top of my never-ending reading list. I'm trying to delete those, too. The problem with this book is that it's dual-first person, which is inevitably twice as bad, and it’s clear from the mind-numbingly telegraphed beginning that these two are an item. Because of course you cannot have a novel where a woman takes care of herself. She has to have a guy to rescue and validate her. It’s the law. Barf.

I'm not against romance in a novel, but it has to feel natural and organic to me. Any hint of artificiality or of forcing it, and I am bored and irritated simultaneously. That was the problem here as these two characters, Audrey and Stone (why does she get a first name and he a last name?!) were essentially in love from their first glance. Yuk. Audrey is an individual who is somehow enhanced and therefore, shades of X-men, a pariah. Stone is a military guy. I should have decided firmly against this as soon as I read, "There is much more to Audrey than meets the eye and Stone is determined to protect her." But like I fool I started reading anyway and got turned completely off this after only a chapter or two.

The ebook version of this has some issues. Normally I do not see such issues in the Nook version of a novel. Those are usually good and it’s the Kindle version that slices and dices any text that's not plain vanilla. I read one part where the start of the sentence is fine: "While he spoke, I felt" but then the next few words were in really small text "the muscles in the arms under my head twitch and roll," and the last part of the sentence was in regular-sized text again: "but I didn’t open my eyes." Weird! The writign was too.

But as far as the story is concerned, I can’t commend it based on what I read of it.

Luna caged: Behind the Wall by Margaret McHeyer

Rating: WARTY!

I gave up on this pretty quickly. I knew going in that it was first person which I typically despise, but once in a while there's a good one comes along that's intelligently written and well-told. That's not this one. This one was tedious and boring, and I ditched it pretty quickly - I think right at the point where the narrator tells us that it's believed that outside the wall it's deadly to life, and then describes a bird flying over the wall - from the outside. Clearly if birds fly in and out unharmed, the lie that it's dangerous out there is exposed, yet this narrator is too stupid to put that two and two together. Sorry, but I do not need to read about stupid people narrating their own stupid stories. We get enough of that in the federal legislature. I just need to read about some of the Republican women in Congress and the Senate to get all the stupid females I can stand.

Dumb writing did not help this story one bit, but it is what I expect from YA novels these days. At one point, I read, "...and dark, black hair void of any color" Say what?! Black is dark. It's also arguably a color. Wouldn't devoid of any color be more like gray than black? (Even though gray is also a color). There were also renderign oissues. I read:

I felt (in regular regular font) the muscles in the arms under my head twitch and roll, (in tiny font) but I (back to regular font)

Next came these in quick succession: "dead eye on the left side of her face," "Her vacant, scared eyes lingered on me," and "Her pupils dilated." That sounds quite contradictory to me.!

Worse, this is one of those stories where everyone inside the wall is depicted as being of one mindset. There are no dissenters, no protests, no rebellions, no conspiracy theories, because every single person believes exactly the same things. BULLSHIT. This kind of writing is amateur, pathetic, and completely inauthentic. And far too common in dystopian YA novels. That's why I gave this novel such short shrift because I've read it countless times before. The same novel. Only the names have been changed. YA means young adult - these are the very people who are supposed to rebel and hold radical ideas and to challenge authority and this almost never happens in these stories - that's how out of touch with reality their authors are and why they make their characters so uninteresting and conforming.

North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell

Rating: WARTY!

This is an 1855 novel about teenager Margaret Hale, who is forced to leave her beloved parsonage when her father rebels against his church. He moves his family north to the fictional county of Darkshire (seriously? LOL!) in the industrial town of Milton, where she is miserable. My next novel will be set in Lightshire in the village of Tilmon and the teenager will be ecstatic! There is actually no reason given (or if there was, I missed it) as to why they move so far. He plans on taking up work as a tutor, but it seems there would be a much better opportunity in the south than in the north for such work.

Anyway, there she meets John Thornton, who owns Marlborough Mills. This is one of those uninventive novels where the main female character takes an immediate dislike to the main male one, and in the end of course, marries him. It's essentially a Pride and Prejudice for the Industrial age with an ending cribbed from Jane Eyre. I came to this through the television mini-series that I saw a while back. There have been several, but the one I watched and considered pretty decent was the 2004 the BBC aired North and South, and so I figured I'd try the novel, but no joy was to be had. There were parts where the quaint way of expressing themselves back then was highly amusing, but that did not make up for the humdrum story - or rather, lack of one.

Set against a background of dire factory conditions and union organizers, the novel could have been a good one, but it was so tedious to listen to. This was an audiobook read decently by Harriet Seed, who was let down by the material and on occasion by her peculiar pronunciation proclivities with some words, such as 'trousseau'. The story was so rambling and pedantic that it took forever to get moving and never really did - not in the quarter of it that I could bear to listen to, anyhow.

I grew rapidly tired of the endlessly meandering perambulations and trivial topics, and just gave up on it. I was going to at least ride out the week listening to this, but by Thursday morning I'd had enough. Perhaps there's a story in there somewhere, but I saw none of it in the first 25% of this novel, and grew bored with waiting for it to show. Can't commend.

The Ends of the World by Peter Brannen

Rating: WORTHY!

Peter Brannen is a science journalist and in this audio book he talks (or more accurately, Adam Verner talks, since he's the actual narrator) about the five major extinctions that Earth has endured. These are far from the only extinctions Earth has seen in its four billion year plus history, but they are the most significant ones. Arguably, one major event that is relatively recently being recognized - something which destroyed at least a third of marine life diversity, and a significantly larger proportion of terrestrial diversity - is the end-Guadalupian extinction which took place ten million years before the Permian. Brannen does not mention this one. I don't know why. Perhaps since it's so close to the Permian he considers it all part of the same thing. Ten million years isn't a lot in geologic time after all!

As Brannen makes clear in his disturbing evocations, these events were truly horrific times, when the planet was brought to its knees in a series of nightmare scenarios. Earth froze or was virtually boiled, and or was shaded with debris and poisoned with noxious gases from volcanic or impact events, and nearly all life became extinct, only to resume when the crisis was over, to redevelop, re-evolve, and to spread widely and fantastically; then to be culled severely again by the next global tragedy. It's a miracle anything survived at all, let alone enough to allow humans to grow out of what came before.

The thing is though that only one of these extinctions can really be laid at the door of an asteroid impact. That's the most famous one - the dino extinction, and even that cause is disputed. The others? Climate change. The same sort of thing that is going on now, right under our noses, the only difference being that in the past it happened quite slowly whereas we are heating-up the planet far faster than anything nature has ever contemplated.

No other review I've seen has listed these events, but the five extinctions covered in this book are these:

• Ordovician-Silurian - 440 million years ago
• Late Devonian - 365 million years ago
• Permian-Triassic - 250 million years ago
• Triassic-Jurassic - 210 million years ago
• Cretaceous-Tertiary - 65 Million Years Ago

There's a reason these geologic periods in Earth's hugely-long history have boundaries and names and it's because of (from our modern eyes) abrupt changes in species diversity and composition. Flora and fauna changed and the period got a different name to mark these boundaries. Amazingly, nightmarish and totally weird organisms grew, flourished, and spread, and then disappeared, only to be replaced by an entirely new set of fantastical creatures. The resilience of nature and the inventiveness it exhibits is astounding.

I really enjoyed this book and fully commend it. My only complaint may have been related just to my copy, but I got this from Chirp and I played it through their app on my iPhone in the car on my daily commute. As usual with these books, it worked perfectly, in this case though for only about eighty percent of the book. Right around that mark, it began giving me grief. Other books have played to the very end without issues, but a couple of books I've had problems with, and this was the second that I can recall. It would play for a minute or so and then stop for no apparent reason. I'd restart it, and it would do the same over and over. A different book I began listening to had no such issues - but it has not reached eighty percent yet! We'll see how that goes. (It went fine!)

Apart from that I have no complaints and commend this book fully as educational and entertaining.

Remarkable Creatures by Tracy Chevalier

Rating: WARTY!

I DNF'd this about halfway through, annoyed by how cavalierly this author treats a young woman she is supposed to be extolling. She does just as bad a job at telling Mary's story in the written word as the movie Ammonite does with motion picture. Ammonite is rooted in this same novel, but tells a completely different story. Neither story is true. The first problem with the novel is first person, worsened by having two different first person voices. First person is a bad choice for the most part; it makes for very limited, very selfish writing, and having two such voices made it twice as bad. Since this was an audio book, I should however commend the readers, Charlotte Parry and Susan Lyons who did a decent job with this fiction.

Mary Anning lived less than fifty years, between the turn and the middle of the nineteenth century. It was her older brother Joe who discovered the ichthyosaurus skull, not Mary, but she did uncover the rest of that fossil skeleton, and later she herself discovered a plesiosaur skeleton, along with a host of other fossils, including a pterosaur at places in and around Lyme Regis and Charmouth.

Contrary to the the book description's claim that Mary had "a talent for finding fossils" which makes it seem like she had some sort of magical ability, she had trained herself (under her father and older brother's guidance) from childhood to find these things out of sheer interest and also of desperation to support her family, especially after her father died prematurely. She was good at what she did because she was dedicated and yes, remarkable. Let's not demean her ability by suggesting it involved no work or effort.

William Buckland, a geology professor at the University of Oxford is completely misrepresented in this novel. Many people are. Elizabeth Philpot is likewise misrepresented, but not in that she was friends with Mary Anning - she was. They did collect fossils togther, but Elizabeth's two sisters also collected and were not quite the dilletantes which this work suggests.

The author is so obsessed with setting up a fake competition and antagonism between Philpot and Anning that she makes the same mistake that the Ammonite movie makers did: imbuing charcters with motives and behaviors that were simpy not merited from the facts. Charlotte Murchison, for example was more on par with Elizabeth Philpot's age, not with Mary's, who was barely more than a child (although a necessarily mature one) when they first met. In their desperation to validate this poor girl with a man - or a woman - both story creators neglect to find the real Anning. Perhaps she was a woman who was simply asexual, or more likely, so in need of supporting herself and her family that she didn't even dream of a relationship - hetero or otherwise. She was already and had long been married to her important work. Why deny a woman this?

Another dishonest portrayal in this work of fiction falls with all the delicacy of a landslide. While Mary did indeed survive a lightning strike as a baby, she did not get buried under a landslide like this novel dishonestly depicts. It was her dog which died in the landslide, and this author robs Mary of that grief. Ironically, landslides were Mary's stock in trade for it was the winter weather and the subsequent rockslides on the cliff faces that literally unearthed fossils for Mary's keenly-trained eyes to find.

The author appears to be sadly limited by her lack of imagination in how to approach this and even more constrainted by her refusal to tell the truth, and to fictionalize virtually the whole thing like Mary Anning's reality simply wasn't good enough for the almighty Tracy Chevalier. There is barely a handful of actual events from Mary's depicted life here, and even those are overly-dramatized or otherwise distorted. The rest appears to be the result of a rather despearate and overactive imagination. Instead of venerating a real and heroic historical person who was indeed a remarkable woman, the author cheapens Mary Anning's legacy appallingly. I cannot commend such a hack job and I intend to boycot the movie.

When Harry Became Sally by Ryan T Anderson

Rating: WARTY!

Tell me, Mr. Anderson: what good is a book if you're unable to write one?

The book description for this religious diatribe tells you all you need to know about the non-content of this LGBTQIA 'Hate-Moment'.  It begins by asking: "Can a boy be 'trapped' in a girl’s body?"  The short anser is 'yes', and vice-versa.  Gender is not binary,  it never has been.  It's a sliding scale, no matter what in-denial and i;;l-informed wannabe writers like Mr Anderson claim.

Mr Anderson, bigotry and hate speech are a disease; a cancer of this planet. LGBTQIA haters are a plague, and common-sense, science, and tolerance are the cure.

"Can modern medicine 'reassign'sex?" the description asked.  Yes it can. Hundreds of people are living proof.

I'm going to enjoy watching this book die, Mr. Anderson.

"Is our sex 'assigned' to us in the first place?"  No, it isn't.  There are chemical changes necessary in the body and these can start and stop anywhere along the scale.  The penis is nothing more than a repurposed clitoris.  A fetus is not conceived either with a penis or with a vagina.  Those organs grow, cued by genetics and hormones, and they stop when they're done regardless of whether they leave behind a perceived 'binary' female, a perceived 'binary' male, or something anywhere in between the two. if this is wrong, how does Mr Anderson account for true intersexed individuals? That's the 'I' in LGBTQIA for religious bigots.

"What is the most loving response to a person experiencing a conflicted sense of gender?" Mr Anderson may ask, and the correct answer to that is to take them at their true value, not at some arbitrary value religious zealots insist upon imposing.  Anderson fails dismally here.  He, and other religious zealots like him, would never have taken the Samaritan's route across the street.  They would never go the extra mile.  They would never give their shirt.  In short, they reject the entire New Testament and insist on the Old instead.

"What should our law say on matters of 'gender identity'?"  What does the fourth amendment say, Mr Anderson?  Let me help you out: it says, "The right of the people to be secure in their persons...shall not be violated."  Why does he want to overturn that by telling people what gender they are despite all evidence to the contrary?

The description claims that the book "provides thoughtful answers to questions arising from our transgender moment."  It doesn't.  It's not a moment. It's a momentum and those who try to hamper it will be pushed aside by it.  The asshole bias in the very book description proves that this work of juvenile fiction isn't balanced.  On the contrary, it's unbalanced, and cherry-picking a scattering of instances where gender reassignment or related situations seem not to have had perfect outcomes ignores the literal thousands of such issues where the outcomes are not regretted and not in question.

"Drawing on the best insights from biology, psychology, and philosophy" it waffles. Who gives a fuck about philosphy?  And what best insights?  This biased, spittle-soaked, apoplectic rant doesn't draw on the best insights, it draws on cherry-picked blinkered claims that support nothing except the author's pre-ordained and bigotted world-view. The best insights from medical experts and from the transgender community itself are completely ingored.

"Ryan Anderson offers a nuanced view of human embodiment"  Nuanced?  Really? That sound you just heard was my ass falling off from my laughing so hard.

"Everyone has something at stake in the controversies over transgender ideology" - yeah - everyone who has a religious stake.  Which part of "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion" isn't clear to the author?  He's entitled to practice his beliefs. He is not entitled to force them upon others.

I'm not a fan of Amazon; far from  it, but what these religious assholes don't seem to be able to get through their thick skulls is that Amazon is a private business.  They can choose to publish or not even on a whim, and hate speech is not a whim.

You hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of your inconsequence. Goodbye, Mr. Anderson.