Wednesday, September 1, 2021

Night Creatures by Rebecca E Hirsch, Sonia Possentini

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with the BeeGees song that spent eight weeks at number one in the later seventies, tied to the movie Saturday Night Fever, but reading this I kept finding that lyric in my head, suitably adjusted, of course:

Listen to the ground, there is movement all around
There is something going down, and you can feel it
There are creatures in the air, there are critters everywhere
And it's something you can share, if you believe it
Those denizens of night come with the waning of light
Taking over the world as we sleep
They're hunting and gathering, and spreading through the night
They are Night Creatures, Night Creatures!
They know how to live it!
Night Creatures, Night Creatures!

Of course that song was Night Fever, but now you know happens when I haven't had enough sleep! Gorgeously-illustrated by the elegantly-named Sonia Possentini, and written with panache by Rebecca Hirsch, this book takes a look at some of those living things that populate the evening, night, and early morning, such as bats, bobcats, fireflies, mice, owls, rabbits, raccoons, skunks and others. The book talks a little about each, their favored time to prowl, their diet, and so on. It's makes for an absorbing and educational introduction to a world not many young children are familiar with, and I commend it as a worthy read.

The Littlest Yak by Lu Fraser, Kate Hindley

Rating: WORTHY!

From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

Amusingly and colorfully illustrated by Kate Hindley, this little picture book, told in rhyme by Lu Fraser, is an amusing and entertaining journey through the eyes of Gertie, the littlest yak in the herd. She so wants to grow up and be big like her family, but she learns there are some things that only a little yak can do. The focus of this cute little book is only on growing up and not being in a huge hurry to do so, but it would have been nice to learn a little more about yaks! Technically speaking, Yak (from Tibetan 'yag') refers only to the male of the species, the female being a 'nag' so I can see how that wouldn't fly! They're closely related to your everyday cow you might see out when you're driving in the country, or on TV, but yaks have a dense fur that keeps them warm in some of the harsher climes where they're found. Other than that, I commend this book as a fun and worthy read.

Thursday, August 19, 2021

The Artful Read-Aloud by Rebecca Bellingham

Rating: WARTY!

This was a non-fiction abridged audiobook about the importance of reading aloud to children to engage them in the written word and enrich their lives. That's a sentiment I am fully onboard with, but it felt to me like this was written more for teachers than for parents and there's an awful lot of PhD-Speak in it. I don't believe it's going to reach those parents who would most need it and most benefit from it. I made it to about the halfway point and gave up on it because of this and other issues.

It started out well-enough, but there were so many lists in it - in just the 50% I listened to - that it was hard to keep track and there was no ready 'take-home' message from any of it. The blurb talks about ten principles, but there were scores of them in the lists. I have no idea what the specific ten principles were because everything was so mixed up and repetitive that it just confused things - and in an audiobook, you cannot readily go back and re-read a paragraph or find the particular spot to re-reference something you heard earlier with any facility.

The other problem, especially given that this was an audio-book is that the reader, who was also the writer, did not offer any real examples of what she meant in the text. She would refer to some technique or to something in a book that would make you want to stop and talk about it, or that would make you want to read it in a special way to better engage listeners, and then she would not read an example to illustrate what she meant. This was an abridged version, so maybe the full version offers that. I don't know. All this version offered was a website to visit where presumably, you could hear examples, which is frankly an annoyance, especially since you cannot get to that without logging in, which requires your email address, so no! I am not giving my email address out so it can be handed around so I can get more spam than I already do! And not when that stuff ought to have come with the book.

There was one amusing contradiction in it when, after a chapter bemoaning how children these days never look around them, because they're always looking down at their device, the very next chapter started with a chapter quote about the importance of looking down - which contradicted what the author had said previously! LOL! I am not a fan of chapter lead-in quotes. They're pretentious and meaningless to anyone but the author, and typically they have zip to do with the content of the chapter they precede. Additionally, though the author kept mentioning older students, she seemed like her focus was primarily on very young children, and on fiction - she never mentioned the possibility of applying this technique to non-fiction works. Not in that first 50% anyways.

Though the book claims it's speaking to all parents and guardians of children as well as teachers, to me it felt strongly like it was only speaking to professionals as judged by the educational buzzwords being tossed around, and the academic-level speech and concepts being used. For example, the author frequently referred to an alphabetical scale by which books - and I assume book reading difficulty/ease - are measured. She kept talking about things like "the O, P, Q band" and so on, using one or another triplet of sequential alphabet letters, but nowhere was there any explanation whatsoever as to what that was, what it meant or how to use it!

With my wife's solid support, I've raised two children and put them through school and never once have I encountered this scale. This is what I mean by PhD-speak and why I feel the book is aimed at professionals with little regard for your everyday parent or guardian out there. It would not have hurt to explain what that scale meant, but the author kept on referring to it without evidencing any desire to explain it at all. Maybe in the unabridged version this is explained, but that doesn't help here, and it's a lousy way to treat your reader.

Another issue regarding elitism was that there are authors mentioned here and there as worth paying attention to (without really giving us a reason why or a short example of their work to judge by), but I hadn't heard of a single one of them! I do not count myself as any sort of great authority on children's fiction by any means, but I am very widely-read across all genres and age ranges, yet not one of the names she mentioned was familiar to me at all.

Worse, she mentioned a Newbery award winner, which turned me right off. I have no respect for 'award-winning books' which to me are almost (not quite, but almost) universally trite, pedantic, and tedious to read. There wasn't a single well-known or widely popular author on her reading list apparently, and when she spoke of someone I had never heard of as an "acclaimed" author, I had to wonder momentarily what it was that made that author so acclaimed? Was it just that this author happened to like her? Was it that this author had read her name a few times? Or was there something more? I dunno, but it tried my faith in her examples and her assertions to have things like that put out there unsupported.

The author made a lot of references to the performing arts and there are authentic parallels to be drawn between those, and the act of reading aloud to engage a child's mind, but I'm not a theater-goer and I detest musicals, yet these were the only things the author referenced, as though other such forms: TV, movies, streaming services, YouTube, for example, are beneath her. It felt snobbish and elitist. I suspect most of the people who would truly stand to benefit from this book are not theater-goers either, so this felt, ironically, like it was falling on inattentive ears.

So while I whole-heartedly support the idea of reading to children in your care, even if you do not embrace any of the suggestions this book offers (it's still better than not reading!), personally, I found this book to be of little helpful in any signifcant measure. Instead, to me it felt rushed, confusing, and babbling, which is precisely the opposite of what you need to be if you wish to artfully read aloud to children. Consequently, I can't commend this.

Sunday, August 15, 2021

Set Fire to the Gods by Sara Raasch, Kristen Simmons

Rating: WARTY!

"In a world controlled by mercurial immortals, Ash and Madoc," Wait! In a novel titled 'Set Fire to the Gods," one of the characters is named Ash? Really? Is this a parody? "...gifted with elemental powers, race to stop an ancient war from destroying humanity." Can anyone say "Amazon's 'The Boys' clone"? Yawn. Or if you can't say that can you say "Steelheart" by Brandon Sanderson clone? Could publishing this novel be a Raasch decision? Que Sara....

Damselfly by Chandra Prasad

Rating: WARTY!

"After their plane crash-lands on a remote island, Samantha and the other members of her fencing team face a powerful and mysterious enemy." Yes, it's the peope who build gates to allow access through fences. Samantha and her fencing team are finished! Oh, wait, not that kind of fencing? Dammit! Sorry, I guess I need to build some fences.... But while I do that, can anyone say Lost rip-off? Although since that rambling pile of tedium was so bad, maybe this will be better. It can't be worse, can it?!

Magic Rises by Ilona Andrews

Rating: WARTY!

Magic rises? Really? That's your title? This is supposedly "A #1 New York Times bestseller with nearly 30,000 five-star Goodreads ratings!" So why in fuck are you reduced to selling at a discount in a book flyer? Is 30,000 sales not enough? That probably means you had at least another fifteen thousand sales for people who liked it less. $2.00 a pop for the ebook means what, 40 - 70 cents a copy for the author? Let's call it 50 cents multiplied by 45,000 units, means you made well over $20,000 for this effort. How much more do you want people to give you for volume 6 of a series where you're essentially telling the same story over and over again, which is what a series is? On it goes: "In Atlanta, mercenary Kate Daniels" Wait: you didn't call her Kat? Damn! You're going to get drummed out of the urban fantasy writers club for that! And no, you don't get kudos for not using 'Kat' because you used Kate which is pretty much the same damned thing. "...strikes a deal to save a pack of shapeshifters from a deadly ailment." Why? They're shapeshifters! They're boring, overblown, substandard, YA material. Let 'em rot! "But the gambit puts her own life at risk." I see what they did there! They put 'gambit' in the description so people will think it's about chess. Nice try. Judged by the cover though, where this chick basically fights in a leather tank top,'game butt' might play better to your reader base....Barf.

Pawsitively Poisonous by Melissa Erin Jackson

Rating: WARTY!

"In a quirky Oregon town," Stop right there. Quirky is an automatic 'no' when it comes to book descriptions! If it had said 'querty' I might have been interested. "...magical shop owner Amber becomes a suspect when one of her friends is murdered. With an inquisitive police chief on her trail, can she prove her innocence while keeping her secret safe from the world?" Once again, under American law, you do not have to prove innocence. The prosecution has to prove your guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, numbnuts. And how hard ought it to be for a witch to solve a crime when she can use magic for fuck's sake? Barf.

Hold Me by Hildred Billings

Rating: WORTHY!

Errata: "In Sapporo she would text a friend or gone to a party to score some sex." should read ‘have gone’ or 'would go’? "She bore her teeth" - No! She bared her teeth! "Jun was always one who treaded it with trepidation." - 'Trod'. "as Jun brought their vulva together" - 'Vulvas' "She chose the softest voice had" - 'she had'

This was, overall, an enjoyable read. I fell in love with the main character Junri - unrequited as it was! It was a chalk and cheese romance between two women who were not only set apart by a decade in age, but who also hail from widely different backgrounds: Junri Isoya being heir to a hotel empire - if she plays her cards right - and Saya Nemoto being an itinerant worker from a relatively backward part of Japan. They meet when Saya rebels against an abusive coworker. Junri intervenes, and the relationship continues on and off as Saya swings back through her 'home base' of Nagoya between jobs.

Junri isn't happy at being sent to manage the Nagoya hotel, but her uncle, the current chairman, tells her she is badly in need of experience before he can consider her as an elligible heir for taking over when he retires. After resolving the harrassment dispute, Junri never expects to see Saya again, and is both unnerved and excited to find her waiting in the corridor by her temporary hotel accommodation that night.

Thus begins their on-again off again relationship as Saya drifts in and out of Junri's life between working trips to different parts of the country, alternately thrilling her and driving her to distraction as Junri falls ever more deeply for the feisty, exciting, enigmatic, and intriguing young woman.

I really enjoyed this for the most part, but I ran into an issue here and there which took some of the pleasure away. I found the acciental encounters between Junri and Saya to stretch credibility too much: that in all of Tokyo, for example, they should both happen to be riding the same train at the same time and encoutner one another. Additionally, it was a bit much to swallow that one night when Junri is out having a few drinks, she just happens to be walking down the precise alley behind the exact bar that Saya exits right as Junri passes the door.

I also didn't like that Junri so readily leapt into bed with complete strangers without a moment's thought about STDs. We live in a world rife with them, and some are becoming more and more resistant to treatments. Some are deadly; some are debilitating. Naturally no one wants a rather explicit and erotic story like this to screech to a halt for a lecture on veneral disases right in the middle of the 'action', but a word of caution carefully embedded in the characters' exchanges here and there would be entirely appropriate.

Reading this, it seemed to me that someone as smart as Junri wouldn't take such risks, not when her career was at stake and she was so proper and cautious in all other aspects of her life, so this lack of concern betrayed her character quite glaringly. There's a big difference between trading partners within a small group of trusted friends, and wantonly stepping outside that group, and thereby betraying everyone in it. It would surely ring alarm bells for someone like Junri, yet it never did; never once were STDs talked about between anyone in the entire story. That, to me, is a big problem with novels of this nature. I think authors have a responsibility and it makes me sad to see so many of them shirk it.

There were some writing issues, such as when I read, for example, "she could still smell Saya’s body in the sheets" - this was two months after Saya had left. Seriously? Yuk! Those sheets wre in dire need of a serious wash! At another point, I read, "who was used to sex in public sometimes" which felt badly-worded. Something like 'used to occasional sex in public' would sound better. Later, I read, "In the countryside, with people who don’t judge others" yet Saya's whole problem had stemmed from her growing up in exactly such a place, so this made no sense to me!

These were relatively minor issues which I see often, especially in novels which are one-person operations without the might and mein of a big publishing conglomerate behind them, complete with book editors and so on. For me, the biggest let-down was the reveal of Saya's 'problem' toward the end of the novel. It would be easier to talk about this were I to publish a spoiler here, but I won't do that.

I'll just confine myself to saying that I felt let-down when this supposedly relationship-crippling issue turned out to be such a mundane and minor one when all was said and done. It felt like a betrayal of Saya's character. This was a woman who had proven herself to be impressively resilient, strong, and independent. It seemed to me like this 'problem' would have been been the least of Saya's worries, and yet it's built-up to be this towering onstacle when it really isn't anything at all, especially given Junri's position of wealth and power. In my opinion, that whole bit ought to have been changed to turn it into something truly critical, or it ought to have been ditched altogether, and Saya's objections left to what were really potential problems, such as Saya's itinerary lfiestyle versus Junri's necessarily static one. I never did consider their age difference to be an issue.

But the author had won me over plenty before this happened, so I wasn't going to let this sour me on the whole story, which for the most part, was well-written, inventive, amusing, absorbing, and heart-warming. I commend it as a worthy read. This (the novel not my review!) was published in 2013, and there's a suggestion at the end of it that there could be a book 2. Whether this materialized or not, I have no idea, but I am not a fan of series, so I doubt I will read any sequels. I do intend to read other novels by this author, however.

Friday, August 13, 2021

A Quiet Death in Italy by Tom Benjamin

Rating: WARTY!

"After a body is found floating in an underground canal in Bologna, investigator Daniel Leicester quickly realizes that the case is far more complex than it seems" Yes indeed! For this was Canal Number Five, the river of perfume, which waters the Perfumed Garden! This is a sex romp like you wouldn't believe with stiffs popping up all over the place, and a bunch of wankers trying to relieve the tension. And why is someone named Daniel Leicester trying to solve a crime in Italy? Is it just a bunch of Bologna?

The Lucky One by Lori Rader-Day

Rating: WARTY!

A "harrowing nightmare by a master of the sleepless night" (Kirkus Reviews). Sorry Circus, er, Kirkus, but the author is female. Shouldn't that read "a mistress of the sleepless night?" Maybe not. And I guess better a Rayder Day than a day raider, but no, just no, because Kirkus.

Tiny Pretty Things by Sona Charaipotra, Dhonielle Clayton

Rating: WARTY!

Not sure why it took two people to write this, but with that fluffy title and a claim from Kirkus that this is a "page-turner with a heart" convinced me that this is more of a stomach-turner. So a definite no to the novel, but given that this is about Ballet I may take a look at the Netflix version. That might not turn my stomach, but there's never a guarantee with these things.

The Gryphon Chronicles by EG Foley

Rating: WARTY!

"A bundle of rollicking fantasy adventures: Twelve-year-old pickpocket Jake relies on his wits to survive the streets of Victorian London. but when he develops mysterious powers, a sinister..." Three no's here. 'Chronicles' in the title, and 'rollicking' and 'sinister' in the description mean a flat refusal to even consider entertaining this loser novel. Avoid everything with 'chronicles', 'saga', or 'cycle' in the description unless you truly enjoy pretentious shit.

Almost Missed You by Jessica Strawser

Rating: WARTY!

Now 'Jessica Strawser' is a name to conjure with, but this is a definite no for the pretentious title alone. "Violet has a happy marriage and a wonderful child - but when her husband, Finn, leaves and kidnaps their son, everything she thought she knew begins to unravel." Clearly this Violet is clueless. She should never have married a fish appendage in the first place. I know it bites, but this is what you get for sharking your repsonsibilities....

Comfort & Joy by Kristin Hannah

Rating: WARTY!

Obviously with a title like that, this story is about a romance between a fabric softener and a dishwashing liquid.... "Divorcée Joy books a spontaneous trip for one to the Pacific Northwest, where she bonds with Daniel and his young son. When her world is turned upside down, will the holiday bring much needed solace and magic?" Or will they find themselves in Australia by mistake? I could be so very wrong, but my guess is that it will lead to a battle between hordes of walking dead, and pitchfork-wielding Oregonians who try to clean up the problem and soften material disagreements.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power

Rating: WARTY!

Rory Power? Really? Eeh! Maybe, but I have my doubts. If Kirkus thinks this is a "staggering gut punch" that's enough to put me off it for life. The plot has it that "a mysterious illness sweeps through the Raxter School for Girls, Hetty breaks quarantine to find her missing friend - and makes a shocking discovery that upends their entire world." Yep. 'Shocking' is another bellwether word in a book description - warning you to avoid it like the plague. Dual narrators is just one more turn-off.

Uncle and Ants by Marc Jedel

Rating: WARTY!

Everyone's named 'Marc' now so as not to use the commonplace 'Mark' but since everyone uses it, 'Mark' is actually the lesser commonplace of the two these days! LOL! "Did someone orchestrate the accident that put Marty Golden's sister in the hospital? A quirky uncle becomes an amateur sleuth as Marty takes care of his nieces while scouring Silicon Valley for a killer!" How is he doing both at the same time? No, seriously, I really want to know. What the evidence shows here is that this idiot guy needs the definition of 'taking care of' clearly explained to him. The key turn-off words here are 'quirky' and 'sleuth' - both serious no-no's for a novel.

Shield & Shade by Misty Hayes

Rating: WARTY!

Misty Haze...um...Hayes? Seriously? The plot here is that "Years ago, Zoey was found in the woods after wandering away from home - with no memory of how she got there. When she learns the impossible truth of what happened, Zoey's world is turned upside down" Impossible truth? Upside down? No wonder it's a misty haze novel. No. definitely not.

The Demon Seekers by John Shors

Rating: WARTY!

From a USA Today bestselling author who still evidently needs to unload his work at a discount: "A century after aliens turned Earth into a barren wasteland, 17-year-old Tasia hunts the monsters who destroyed her planet." Seventeen? Seriously? What qualifies her to do this? Of course, the gung-ho crew at Kirkus claim it's "An exhilarating tale with an engaging protagonist that will have readers eagerly anticipating sequels." Not me. I'm not even anticipating the first volume. Barf.

Feyland: The Complete Series by Anthea Sharp

Rating: WARTY!

"A complete series of mesmerizing fantasies from a USA Today bestselling author! Dive into the realm of Feyland" I won't touch a book in which the author doesn't have the guts to call them fairies! This author is even more chickenshit than that, and doesn't even use fae! She's off with 'fey' which is a different word altogether.

No Love Like Nantucket by Grace Palmer

Rating: WARTY!

"After her brother's tragic death..." what death isn't tragic? Seriously? "...fiftysomething inn owner Toni struggles to process her grief. When she leaves Nantucket for a trip overseas, will she finally discover the person she's meant to be? A poignant story of love, loss, and second chances." What second chance? Does she find a new brother? Seriously? If Nan took it, she ain't gonna get it back.... Maybe her Pa took it?

Wired by Evelyn Adams

Rating: WARTY!

"Billionaire Luke is used to getting what he wants" Why is the billionaire always named Luke?! "He wants sassy, strong-willed Claire. Sparks fly as they're caught in a steamy power struggle" Bullshit! Claire needs to be named Violet, as in wilting, because you know she's going to just collapse like a used condom. Strong-willed my ass.

Broken Promise by Linwood Barclay

Rating: WARTY!

"When widower David moves back to his hometown of Promise Falls, he stumbles into the mystery of a murdered mother's baby - whom his cousin has been raising as her own." Promise Falls, really? This a definite no.

The Nostradamus Equation by Christopher Cartwright

Rating: WARTY!

What did Nostradamus find on his perilous 1562 expedition into the desert? Modern-day adventurer Sam Reilly follows Dr. Zara Delacroix to the Sahara in search of an ancient text that holds the answer" Nostradamus was a delusional 16th century asshole. "A riveting, action-packed read!" Doubtful.

Stay Gold by Tobly McSmith

Rating: WARTY!

"When Pony starts at a new high school, he plans to fly under the radar and keep his trans identity hidden." Pony? Seriously? As in hung like a horse? Neigh.

Serenade by Heather McKenzie

Rating: WARTY!

"All her life, Kaya has been closely guarded - supposedly sheltered from her father’s enemies. It’s not until she’s kidnapped by Luke that she experiences freedom for the first time." Seriously? Kidnapping is a good thing? This author is dangerously delusional. The book description continues: "As she learns the truth about her family, she faces her growing feelings for Luke, who has his own secret." This is all kinds of wrong, so no. Definitely no.

When Maidens Mourn by CS Harris

Rating: WARTY!

This one is out because it has 'sleuth' in the book description, but the blurb has it that: "In 19th-century England, a woman studying the legend of King Arthur is murdered - and sleuth Sebastian St Cyr sets out to unravel the intriguing case" How is it intriguing? And that name? Is it supposed to be pronounced 'sincere'? Sebastian Sincere?! Really? No. No. No. And that title? Maidens? Really?

The Moneychangers by Arthur Hailey

Rating: WARTY!

"Bank owner Ben Roselli is dying — and his executive VPs are in a ruthless competition to assume control." And poor deceased Arthur isn't going to get a penny of that sale price....

Deeper Than the Dead and Choosers of the Slain by Who Cares, Really?

Rating: WARTY!

These two titles ought to be sold as a pair based purely on their titles.

Deeper Than the Dead by Tami Hoag claims to be a New York Times bestseller. If so, why is it being flogged at discount rates on a book flyer? Hmm! The description says, "Three children and a young teacher make a horrifying discovery in their seemingly idyllic town: a corpse with its mouth and eyes glued shut. FBI profiler Vince hunts for the truth — but more victims might be found." More victims might be found? Oh my god! We'd better put this case on hold until we're sure no more victims will be found!

Meanwhile, in Choosers of the Slain by James H Cobb, "When Argentina launches an invasion to seize territory in Antarctica, Commander Amanda Garrett and the USS Cunningham must sail into hostile waters to stop them." Why? This is essentially nothing more than a rip-off of the actual hostilities between Argentina and the British some beers ago. Yawn.

Summer at Sea by Beth Labonte

Rating: WARTY!

"Trapped on a cruise ship with her parents, 26-year-old Summer goes looking for her future husband among the passengers. But her brother's best friend, Graham, has other ideas." You can bet your sweet ass he does! Seriously? This woman is only 26 yet she's desperately searching for a husband - like any guy will do as long as he's on this ship? How can a female author be so insulting to her own gender? This book is garbage from the concept onwards.

Crown of Crowns by Clara Loveman

Rating: WARTY!

I know what you're thinking. This is about a retired hitman who takes up dentistry and finds he's really good at capping teeth. But no. Sorry. The plot has it that: "When young noblewoman Kaelyn meets commoner Roki, they spark a life-changing connection - but their love is forbidden by law." Of course it is because this is Romeo and Juliet rip-off. Yawn. Game of Thrones rip-off - at least for the title if nothing else. Double yawn.

The Heart Has Its Reasons by María Dueñas

Rating: WARTY!

A book that has nothing to do with heart and everything to do with carnality and lust! "From a New York Times bestselling author" who despite all that, evidently has to hawk her books at a discount in a book flyer? I wonder why? The unoriginal plot has it that "After her husband of 20 years leaves her for another woman, college professor Blanca accepts a research position in California - where she is drawn into a world of passion, secrets, and self-discovery." This is a college-educated woman, and a teacher, who inexplicably waits until her husband leaves her before she even considers bringing passion and freshness into a relationship? Why would she be any more successful afterward than she was before with that mindset? Barf. I'll skip this one!

Trusting Aaron by Becca Jameson

Rating: WARTY!

"When virgin Hope flees her own wedding by diving into Aaron's car, she convinces him to take her to Denver - where he's opening a new BDSM club that she wants to explore. But can she handle the desires of an experienced dom like Aaron?" My guess is she'll step up like a champion. But a virgin? Really? And she runs out on her fiancé - at the wedding? It's not Aaron who has the trust issues. Sorry, but no. Unoriginal trash. I honestly think it would be a more interesting story if it explored whether 'Becca' is really a name.

Shadow of Cain by Vincent Bugliosi, Ken Hurwitz

Rating: WARTY!

It took two people to write this? "Serial murderer Raymond Lomak is about released from prison as a supposedly changed man." No. Just no. Ian Raymond Lomax is a cricketer, by the way. Just saying. Maybe Lomak was bats?

Pushing Up Daisies by Katherine Hayton

Rating: WARTY!

It's never a good idea to take the title of a wonderful and amusing TV murder series and use it for something else. The unoriginal plot here has it that, "When her boyfriend fails to show up for tea, fiftysomething widow Willow Foxglove" Willow Foxglove? Seriously? "...is a little disappointed - but her disappointment turns to horror when she finds his body in her garden! With the local authorities blaming her for the crime," Right because all murderers just leave their victims lying around in the yard. "...can Willow and her two best friends prove her innocence?" is that a serious question? Once again, it's not up to Willow to prove her innocence. It's up to the authorities to prove her guilt, which is going to be hard to do if she's not guilty. But her meddling and interfering will make her suspicious, not render her innocent. Another waste of time.

Shell Game by Sara Paretsky

Rating: WARTY!

"A USA Today bestseller from an author hailed as "a genius" (Lee Child)" This tells me I need never read a Lee Child novel because he thinks someone who evidently can't invent new characters and has to keep retreading a really old one is a genius? How low is his bar?! The plot has it that, "When a friend's nephew is accused of murder, sleuth VI Warshawski investigates - and uncovers a link to a stolen artifact with dangerous ties." What, are those railroad ties? I refuse to read any book with the world 'sleuth' in the description, or a claim to the effect that "Everyone will want to go along for this ride." No, you don't get to speak for me.

Invisible Girl by Lisa Jewell

Rating: WARTY!

"After Owen is drawn into insidious online forums," yep - it's a gambling forum. His name is Owen Munny.... "...the family across the street becomes suspicious — and then Owen is the last to see a vanished girl alive." Is this actually supposed to be a plot? I can't tell!

The Grilling Season by Diane Mott Davidson

Rating: WARTY!

"When caterer Goldy's ex-husband is accused of homicide, she must put down her spatula and pick up the case of a lifetime!" Why? Are the police on strike? Is Goldie gonna mix it up with the local mob? Crack a few eggs...er...heads? Yawn.

Paradise Bay: A Romantic Comedy Boxed Set by Melanie Summers

Rating: WARTY!

"Welcome to Paradise Bay, an island resort where three women find their lives changed forever. From a jilted bride discovering her wild side to a single mom getting her shot at happily ever after, this fun-filled collection offers a delightful escape." It apparently offers no escape from women being utterly dependent upon men to rescue them. And I'll bet there isn't even a box. I'll bet if you went there and demanded a box, the security guard would box your ears.

Melvin the Mouth by Katherine Blanc, Jeffrey Ebbeler

Rating: WARTY!

I'm not surprised Kirkus considers this "top-notch fun," as what appears to be Mel Blanc's daughter-in-law cashes in on her father-in-law's exceptional and unmatched voice talent, but if this isn't an audiobook, then what's up doc? Maybe it should be retitled "Milking Mel" or "Drawing a Blanc"? It's certainly not something I want to donate to.

Outfoxed by RJ Blain

Rating: WARTY!

"When a tornado strikes, shifter Jade is forced to take cover with one of the bounty hunters out to capture her." Oh look! The antagonists thrown together and have to get along. How original. Barf. Let me guess: first perosn voice, too?

Basics of Spellcraft by LC Mawson

Rating: WARTY!

"When Amelia discovers she has magical abilities, she's sent to Ember Academy for Young Witches to stay safe from the demons who are targeting her. As she struggles to access her powers and memories, danger lurks around every corner... Book one in an exciting fantasy series!" Of course it is! A magical person going to magical high school and telling the story as it happens in first person voice. Sooo original! No thanks!

Mine by Kim Hartfield

Rating: WARTY!

"Three months on an organic farm should give Cherry a new perspective on life, but can she prove to the farm's confident, beautiful owner that she isn't just a sightseeing city girl? Cherry finds herself seeking approval from her boss in a whole new way in this steamy read!" The newbie is called Cherry? And she's on a farm? Seriously? Pluck off. I notice, once again, that the only quality the farm owner seems to have, apart from confidence, and according to yet another female author, is that she's beautiful, because of course, as you know - or at least as all YA writers know anyway - beauty is the only measure of a woman; she ain't got that, she's worthless. Mark my worms....

Mary Bennet and the Beast of Rosings Park by Joyce Harmon

Rating: WARTY!

"Magician Mary Bennet...." Stop right there. No thanks. Barf. Go rip-off someone else for a change. If the author had actually read Austen, she'd know that Mary Bennet would never be allowed anywhere near Rosings by Lady Catherine. How come no one ever writes about Anne de Bourgh?

The Dragon Corps Box Set: Books 1-4 by Natalie Grey

Rating: WARTY!

"When commander Talon Rift" Stop right there - and fuck off. If that's the best name you can come up with I don't even want to know you let alone read your shitty novel. Unless it's a parody. About a Dragon Corpse that these dumb fucks are hauling around the countryside for some reason. Is it a parody? Thought not. Byeee!

Coast Road by Barbara Delinsky

Rating: WARTY!

"After Jack" Stop right there. That's an automatic hard no! Jack is the most tediously over-used name in literary history. What's his last name? Off? Has anyone, anywhere, ever actually met anyone who was named Jack? I thought not. "...learns that a car accident has left his ex-wife, Rachel, in a coma, he drops everything to take care of his teenage daughters in coastal California - and there, he gains a new perspective on life" Well of course he does - it's on the coast so his perspective is the ocean. What a dumb-asshole this Jack Off is.

Drive Me Crazy by Tracy Wolff

Rating: WARTY!

" Elise and Quinn grew up fighting with each other - and against their attraction." Yawn. Wake me up when we reach anything remotely original.... "But when he hears about Elise's car crash, Quinn brings her to his mansion, where he'll help her recover in the most seductive way possible...." Yeah, take advantage of the dependent disabled girl why don't you. This novel is indisputable dog shit from the off.

Slade's Glacier by Robert F Jones

Rating: WARTY!

"After World War II, veterans Jack and Sam" Oh look - it's Jack again. How original! "head to the Alaskan wilderness to work as bush pilots." I wonder whose bush they're working on? Hard no to this one.

Love Me Like You Mean It by Laura Burton

Rating: WARTY!

That title does not go with this story in which "Emma tells a white lie" No, it's a lie. There's no such thing as a white lie, especially not when the intention is purposeful deception for selfish gain. Emma outright lies "while trying on wedding gowns - and when her life spirals out of control, she ropes her best friend, Aidan, into posing as her fiancé." What a piece of work Emma is. I hope Aidan ditches her. OTOH, he's as bad as she is, knowing she's a liar and supporting her in perpetrating a falsehood instead of doing what a true friend would do - talking her out of it. This is yet another dumbass story where the dumbass woman doesn't grasp that her dumbass BFF is the one for her. So Emma isn't only a liar, she's a moron. There's a better story to be told here, but apparently the author was too wedded to this dumb one.

Ship It by Britta Lundin

Rating: WARTY!

"Pitch-perfect. I love this book so much I literally can't even" (Mackenzi Lee) - that tells me everything I need to know about this novel and about author Mackenzi Lee: avoid both! Thanks for the heads up! An alternate title suggestion though: Shove it?

Confined Desires by Katherine McIntyre

Rating: WARTY!

The author who likes to rhyme her titles...with her name! "When her high school bestie, Mia, comes to stay for a few weeks, Sky is flooded with her old unrequited feelings. And when they end up trapped in an apartment together, the sparks are undeniable." Does the apartment burn down from the sparks? Now that would be funny. Does the author (and/or the writer of this blurb) have any clue what 'unrequited' means? So what's up? Is Sky going to force herself on Mia? How is that in any way confining her desires? Either they need a new blurb or a new story, because one of these is fucked up.