"Seattle police sergeant Wade McKinnon would recognize the work of serial killer Michael Rhodes anywhere — but Rhodes was executed a year ago… Wade discovers the horrific repercussions of a partial brain transplant in this nerve-shattering crime thriller." Oh give me a fucking break, please! The saddest thing is that this isn't even the dumbest plot of the year!
Thursday, October 7, 2021
Extra Whip by Jamie K Schmidt
"Barista Terri can’t help her attraction to her arrogant customer, businessman Mick. But after one hot night together, she unexpectedly gets a job at his company — and keeping it professional isn’t possible!" This is what? The 500th? Thousandth time this exact story has been retreaded? I've lost count. Yawn.
The Friends That Have Sex Duet by GL Tomas
"After tattooed bad boy Asher crosses paths with wild child Teddy, they settle on a friends-with-benefits arrangement. But things get complicated when Asher realizes he’s falling for her — and Teddy’s heart may be impossible to tame" Barf. Standard bad boy bullshit story that's been done to death scores of times already. Nothing new here. Yawn.
Fixed on You by Laurelin Paige
"Alayna’s new boss, wealthy Hudson, has a proposition for her — pose as his girlfriend and her money problems will be solved for good. But their chemistry may complicate things." And this exact story has been done how many scores of times already? And let's not ever talk about the impropriety and imbalance of power here, because it's only a woman after all.... Barf.
The Last Fallen Star by Graci Kim
That this was "praised by Rick Riordan as 'amazing'." tells me I never want to read it. Riordan, as you may recall, criminally transported Greek mythology to the US, because god forbid we should tell those stories in the land of origin. The US is far more important and who wants to hear Greek mythology that hasn't been US-ified? Barf. I guess he thought this was amazing because Kim does precisely the same thing he did, except in her case it's Korean mythology that's transplanted, because there's no way in hell anyone would be interested in a Korean mythology story actually set in Korea. I mean, why would they?
Man in the Water by Jon Hill
"After Jack Green...." Oh look! Yet another Jack-Ass leading man. Need I say more about this pathologically over-used name?
Spellbound in a Kilt by Anna Durand
"Years after Luke Turner dumped her for announcing her status as a witch, Kirsty MacTaggart encounters him again at a wedding reception. But this time he’s determined to debunk her claim — and she has no idea what he’s willing to do to accomplish his goal." And this beliigerant asshole is part of a supposed romance story? What's he going to do: rape the truth out of her? Barf. There's no romance here. This is yet another story set in Scotland written by a US author who's more than likely never been there. This genre seems hell-bent on misrepresenting the Gaelic peoples. Why? I don't know. I guess it makes them money.
Carolina Comforts by Susan Schild
"After her late husband leaves her life in shambles, Linny moves into a rundown home and focuses on renovating the fixer-upper — and her life — bit by bit. Can she rediscover herself and learn how to open her heart to love again?" Who cares, really? This exact same story has been told ten thousand times already and it. Never. Changes. Oh look, it's set in "The South"! How original! barf.
Sex & Sours by Dani McLean
"Tiffany, the feisty, bisexual head bartender, isn’t about to simply bow down to her new boss, Sam. But to save the bar, they have no choice but to work together. As their clashing ignites sparks, could mixing business with pleasure be the recipe for romance?" I don't see that bisexuality is anything more than a gimmick in this novel. And there's nothing new here. This antiquated shtick of having two people clash and fall in love has been done way too many times. And doenslt anyoen have anyhtign to say abot the inappropriate relationhip between superior and inferior: boss vs. employee which seems to be a staple of these bullshit non-romance tales? It's non-romance becuase it never is romance; it's always all about sex - it says it right there in the title. Yawn.
I’m with the Banned by Marlene Perez
"As vampire queen Tansy" Tansy? seriously? "...gets used to her new ruling role, someone starts hunting down werewolves...." Of course they do because god forbid we should have an actual original vampire story with no werewolves (or vice-versa). Why do that when we can clone the same shit everyone else is writing and regurgitate that? Barf.
The Star of Atlantis by Tricia D Wagner
"When his former best friend discovers a mysterious pirate treasure, 14-year-old Swift puts his professional goals on hold to chase his oldest, most precious dream — sailing the Welsh seas" What Welsh seas? LOL! While, on the one hand, I'm tempted to say 'kudos to an author for optioning Wales over the stock Ireland or Scotland choice, there is no Welsh sea! It's actually the Irish sea. And what professional goals? The kid is fourteen years old! So this is yet another novel from yet another US author who probably has never been to Wales, and now we have a new series about Atlantis, which is a non-existent place, and sure as hell was never anywhere near Wales, not even in fiction. Yawn.
The Poe Predicament by Phil Thomas
"After picking up a special signed copy of Edgar Allan Poe poems from his neighborhood bookstore, college professor Richard is suddenly transported to the 19th century. To return home and restore history, he’ll have to help none other than the famed author himself." Of course he will. Barf. This is about as low and pathetic, and uninventive as you can get. Coopting a famous dead guy, who can't object, to be a character in your story is tediously overdone and offers nothing new; then most authors don't.
Mistle Text by Whitney Dineen, Melanie Summers
That it took two people to write a dumb-ass retreaded story like this is sad. It says a lot about the capabilities of the authors - or lack thereof. The fact that a Christmas story was released in September says a lot about how dumb and desperate the publisher is, too. The blurb isn't any better: "Struggling to make ends meet as she raises her niece, Holly Snow accepts an offer to do wealthy scrooge Archibald Harrington’s Christmas shopping — and texting him for more information may just lead to falling in love." Barf. if the guy starts out an asshole, there's no reason to believe any perceived change will be permanent. How many women have gone into a relationship thinking the guy will change? And what kind of huge percentage of those have been sorely disappointed? It happens all the time. It's sad. There's no comedy here. It's a tragedy. The real tragedy here though, is that unimaginative authors keep on recycling these dumb-ass stories.
Royally Rearranged by Emma St Clair
"A sweet romantic comedy: When the prince she’s been promised to since childhood shows up with another woman, princess Serafina plans to make him jealous with devilish duke Rafe de Silva at her side — but she doesn’t count on losing her heart so easily…" This is about as bad as it gets when it comes down to truly dumb-ass plots. The fact that this princess was was a willing participant in a childhood arranged marriage tells me all I knneed to know about what a dumb-ass wilting violet she is. Already I am completely uninterested in her and her sorry life, and the fact that this is a pathetic little unimaginative, cookie-cutter retreaded YA love triangle bullshit story that's been done to death a score of times already tells me all I need ot know about this author, too. I'm done. Check please!
Off-Grid Living for Beginners by Emma Nora
This is from a review copy I received from the author for which I thank her.
I enjoyed reading this author's Raising Backyard Chickens even though I have no desire to raise backyard chickens. Similarly, I enjoyed this one, too, even though I do not plan to go off-grid. I just like learning about alternative lifestyles!
This book is a very general introduction to the pleasures and pains of off-grid living, and though a bit disorganized and sometimes repetiive in parts I felt, it does give you a really good overview of how to disentangle yourself from the regular life that most people lead - at least in so-called 'first-world'civilizations. Of course there are many communities throughout the world that are off-grid whether they like it or not.
But if you're thinking of leading that lifestyle, this is a great place to start. It takes you through all the issues and pitfalls in a short read (about 120 pages) that will get you thinking along the right lines for a successful transition. It also includes an extensive reference section listing other works that can provide more - and more detailed - information.
The book is divided into eight chapters, the first of which exhorts readers to consider and understand why they might be thinking of living off-grid. Chapter two talks about learning from the mistakes of others, and chapter three discusses how to prepare yourself for off-grid living before you actually start any move off-grid. Four discusses acquiring a suitable property and the questions you need to answer when considering purchasing land, and five taks about options for building a home on the property, for which there is a variety of solutions. Six goes into the transition to, and integration into, your off-grid lifestyle, and seven discusses how you might make a decent living in your new status. Eight discusses making the most of this life. In short - the whole thing is covered in a general outline with pointers, hints, tips and resources for further reading.
The book doesn't go into excessive detail. This is aimed to open your eyes to the challenges you will face. It will give you a good grounding and get your brain focused on what's important, and what needs to be resolved. On that score, one thing I felt was under represented was medical care. In the US, medical care isn't free, and if you go off grid, unless you still retain some sorrt of regular employment, you will go off insurance as well as off grid. Simultaneously, you will by this new choice of lifestyle be potentially more vulnerable to sickness and injury if you're out working the land in all kinds of conditions, perhaps using farm machinery, so this I felt was not covered adequately, but I think the author thought of everything else!
One thing that felt a bit off was on the one hand talking of disconnecting from a life that can very easily be harmful to the environment and integrating into a more eco-friendly lifestyle, but on the other hand, and at the same time we're talking about felling trees and burning the wood as fuel, and this is one surefire way to remove a carbon sink (the tree) at the same time as we're putting the CO2 from that tree back into the atmosphere. But of course you have to balance that against an assortment of other choices you've made which may well be placing less of a burden on the environment precisely because you're off-grid. I felt that a word or two about that balance would have been nice.
I encountered one or two grammatical issues which were minor and understandable. The first I noticed was when I read about the kind of home you might choose to live in. It said, "The eco capsules are more adventitious..." and I felt that was the wrong word. I think the author meant 'advantageous'. In a similar case, I read, "The soil the house is built into is isolating," and I think the author meant 'insulating'. Later I read, in a discussion of clean water, 'drinking water and potable water - but these are the same thing. Potable means it's suitable for drinking. Bu you know, we've all been there!
In the same section I read that the author considered "25 gallons per person" (of water) was a good working figure, but there was no time-period associated with this. Obviously 25 gallons a day is way too much, and 25 gallons a year not enough, but I don't know if this was supposed to be over a week or a month or what! In that same section, I read, "...overall you will need to filter and purify what you want to drink. You will need to boil and filter the water you want to drink." which is repetitive. But as I said, these issues were few and far between and were not importnat when compared with the value of the overall message.
I commend this as a worthy read.
Tuesday, October 5, 2021
Long Winter by Rachel Ember
Someone named 'ember' writing about a cold winter ought to have something going for it, unless of course the author's name is as fictional as the novel is, but "On one snowy day, Robbie gets an unexpected call to pick up Lance, his little brother’s best friend" Lance? Seriously? Why not call him Prong?! But he gets to say that classic line "Meet my little brother's best friend!" before he guns them all down. Oh, wait, wrong story.... "Realizing Lance has nowhere else to go, Robbie invites him to stay at his ranch. And in their close quarters, their long-buried feelings for each other ignite." You know, I'd have no problem with this had Lance not been described as his 'little bother's best friend.' It makes it sound like Lance is a child and that's just creepy. Could it not have been described as 'his younger brother’s best friend', or better yet, just as 'his brother’s best friend'? Maybe his brother has a case of dwarfism? Or maybe his brother really is little and young, and his little brother's friend is a pedophile? Another book blurb fail.
A Woman Betrayed by Barbara Delinsky/The Widow by Fiona Barton
"When her husband mysteriously vanishes, Laura begins to unravel his secrets - and learns her 20-year marriage was nowhere near as perfect as it seemed" Another dumb housewipe story that's exactly the same as all the others that have been told ad infinitum. Yawn. Read on....
AND The Widow by Fiona BartonHere's really the exact same story: "Jean’s world was upended when her husband was accused of an unspeakable crime. Now he’s dead - and Jean’s secrets begin to unravel" How is anything unraveling if no-one is speaking of this unspeakable crime? Or is it speakable after all? Yawn. Wake me if something new ever shows up. Meanwhile, please put all these in a boxed set. And drop it into the Mariana Trench....
Snowdrift by Helene Tursten
"Swedish detective Embla Nyström has long been haunted by the disappearance of her best friend 14 years earlier." Yet another in a long and tedious line of 'troubled detective' stories. Yawn. See you next Tursten....
The Lead Cloak by Erik E Hanberg
"First in a series!" Of course it is! Judged by the title, it's a story about an xray technician.... "In the near future, Colonel Byron Shaw is sent after a group of insurgents" A colonel is in charge of a regiment - typically close to a thousand soldiers, so why is this guy going after the insurgents? And why is he wearing a James Dean leather jacket on the front cover instead of military fatigues? Or a lead cloak? Another unsurprising cover illustration/book description fail.
Crenshaw by Katherine Applegate
"From a Newbery Medal–winning author..." Okay let me out! I've pretty much consistently been thoroughly underwhelmed by Newbery winners. Newbery to me is the equivalent of boring and pretentious, so I read them no more.
London Prep Books 1–3 by Jillian Dodd
"When Mallory’s parents force her to leave New York behind to spend three weeks at a London prep school..." Because as you all well know, it is illegal in the USA to tell a story about another country without having at least one American in it....Yawn. In fact to be safe, you should probably only tell stories set in the USA. Nobody cares about the rest of the world.... So, a dud from Dodd.
I See You So Close by M Dressler
"The ghost of Emma Rose Finnis passes herself off as one of the living in an isolated mountain town..." Why? Do ghosts have nothing better to do?! The very title tells you to avoid this one.
The Sword of God by Mark Dawson
After wandering into the town of Truth, John Milton winds up in trouble with the law. He soon finds himself wounded and fleeing through the mountains - but his pursuers don’t know how dangerous he is" - Wasn't this exactly the plot of the movie Rambo? I'd be more entertained by Les Dawson and I wasn't even a fan of his!
Three at Wolfe’s Door by Rex Stout
"New York City sleuth Nero Wolfe" See? I'd be out of there right at that point, but there's more! "Wolfe investigates a deadly dinner party and other baffling murders in this classic collection from a MWA Grand Master!" Isn't MWA 'Mixed Writing Arts' - like cage fighting, but for writers? Just asking! Believe it or not, Rex Stout actually was this author's real name.
Murder on Astor Place by Victoria Thompson
Victoria Thompson? Really? Writing Victorian stories? Hmm.... You see? Once authors start lying about who they are, you can't trust any author name. "At the turn of the 20th century, midwife Sarah Brandt investigates a murder involving one of New York City’s richest families." And a midwife is investigating murders because? Oh, I know! She gets to use her renowned catchphrase, "Let's deliver this baby to the Big House!" (canned audience applause and laughter)
The Sunny Side Up Cozy Mysteries Box Set by Rosie A Point
Rosie Point? Seriously? Is that a eupehmism for a clitoris or a nipple? "Join Sunny as she takes over her quirky..." I'm done right there! No thanks! Put this set in a box and bury it six feet down.
Speechless by Madeline Freeman
"An absorbing, imaginative retelling of The Little Mermaid!" Because the world so desperately needs yet another one of those. Yawn. On a fish scale of one to ten? It's a binary scale, so not much.
Arcana by Jessica Leake
"In this historical tale of supernatural suspense, Katherine Sinclair must navigate Edwardian London society while attempting to conceal her mystical abilities from the sinister organization intent on stealing her power" Oh my god, that sounds like an impossibly tough gig. Yawn.
The Accidental Bestseller by Wendy Wax
"Desperate to revive her career, novelist Kendall and her three author friends write a book using their own secrets as inspiration — but what happens when it becomes a bestseller?" Who gives a shit?
Showdown in the Keys by Matthew Rief
"Navy SEAL vet Logan Dodge is finally ready to enjoy his retirement in the Caribbean." Logan Dodge? Seriously? And yet another story where the retiree is called out of retirement. This is so tired. So tired. Yawn. Zzzzzz!
The Other Woman by Sandie Jones
"Emily’s relationship with Adam is almost perfect." So why is there a problem? "There’s only one catch — his mother, Pammie, who’s about to show Emily just how far she’ll go to get what she wants" Again, why is there a problem? This is supposedly about Emily and Pammie (Pammie? Really?), but it's really about Adam. If he can't be trusted then fuck him! Move along! There's no story to see here. Yawn. If Adam knows how bad is mother is and does nothing, he's an asshole. If he doesn't, he's a dumbass. Either way, ditch him!
Deadly Motives by Ann Girdharry
"When a nurse is murdered at a hospital, Detective David Grant immediately recognizes the work of a serial killer he knows all too well. The only problem? David caught the killer decades ago — and he’s been in prison ever since" How many times has this same plot been done now? Yawn.
Movie Club Mysteries Books 1–3 by Zara Keane
"Ex-cop turned private investigator Maggie Doyle is looking for a quaint life on Whisper Island. Unfortunately, dead bodies keep turning up" Ri-ight. On this tiny island - which turns out to be more deadly than Chicago. Sure. Yawn.
Unleashed by Emily Kimelman
"Tough Joy Humbolt takes over a dog-walking business to avoid contact with people - but her plan backfires when she discovers a dead body on day one. Now Joy must delve into the potentially lethal secrets of Manhattan’s elite" because as everyone knows, a dog walker is hands-down better at solving crime than the entire NYPD. Barf. Maybe this author should go back on the leash until she gets a lead?!
Deadly Intent by James P Sumner
"Retired assassin Adrian Hell...." That name right there is enough to never want to read anything by this author. "...now runs a bar in rural Texas. But after strangers arrive to recruit him for a job, he’s drawn inexorably into a plot involving a sinister government conspiracy." A retiree is called back into the saddle? It's been done to death. And we're supposed to root for a murderer? No. Sorry, but no. So what does a retired assasin do - murders people for a hobby? And isn't every government conspiracy sinister? Or are some actually quite nice once you get to know them? Barf.
Commander by Sienna Snow
"When Tara Zain’s former lover, powerful Ashur Kumar, comes to her to propose an arrangement - for a fake marriage - she can’t help but say yes" That tells me what a complete dipshit she is. Bye!
House Broken by Sonja Yoerg
"After her disagreeable mother is injured, veterinarian Geneva works to rebuild their fractured relationship. But will shocking revelations tear them apart for good?" Who gives a shit? Really?
Planetfall by Emma Newman
"On an alien planet, Ren conceals a catastrophic secret from her fellow colonists" So she's a dishonest piece of controlling shit who would selfishly and thoughtlessly put her colleagues' lives at risk? No thanks.
Warprize by Elizabeth Vaughan
"Possibly the best romantic fantasy I have ever read" tells me all I'll ever need to know about Anne McCaffrey. "Lara must sacrifice her freedom to save her people when a Firelander Warlord claims her as his Warprize" Yep, because women are trophies and prizes. What's going to happen next - she'll fall for the brutal villain who owns her? Barf. Not only has it been done to death, it's bullshit. And warmed-over bullshit at that.
Feinted Love by Elle Keaton
"After one unforgettable night, Tobias never thought he’d see Arnie again - until he literally runs into him." So these two guys are both into unsafe sex? Wonderful. See you at the clinic.... Barf. And why is it that it's always women who are writing these gay men's stories? Is it because it's always women who are reading them? So much for #OwnVoices!
Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas
Entertainment Weekly purportedly described this as "Groundbreaking." Given that choice of word, I think they were being sarcastic. "When his family refuses to accept his identity, Yadriel summons a ghost to prove himself - but instead of resurrecting his dead cousin, he brings back his school’s bad boy, Julian." No. Just no. Hell to the no. This is dumb-assery at its height.
Four Last First Dates by Kate O’Keeffe
Between grief and her new catering company, Bailey has no time — especially not for love or the marriage pact she agreed to with her best friends. But when she meets Ryan, all bets may be off" Yep. This is as dumb-ass as it gets. Marriage pact? What are these women - thirteen? This tells me that Bailey is as dumb as a person can get and still keep breathing. Barf.
Murder in an English Village by Jessica Estavao, aka Jessie Crockett, aka Jessica Ellicott
Jessica Ellicott is actually quite a charming name - it seems like it ought to be borne by a character in a novel such as this rather than the author. That's because it's a fictional name. The author's actual name is Jessica Estavao, who also writes are Jessie Crockett. To me that's just plain dishonest, but I know a lot of authors do it in hopes of boosting sales. The book blurb is also a fail. "When murder rocks their sleepy English village, adventurous American Beryl and sophisticated Brit Edwina combine their talents as sleuths." Because heaven forbid we should have a novel without an American in it. It's just not done, Old Boy! This is writing at its most uninventive and formulaic. I'd question if the author has even been to Britain (New England doesn't count), and anything with the word 'sleuth' anywhere on it is anathema to me. Barf.
The Invisible Husband of Frick Island by Colleen Oakley
Supposedly hailed as 'imaginative, lovely, and full of surprises' by Kristan Higgins. Who the hell is Kristan Higgins and why shoudl ic are what they think? "On tiny Frick Island, widow Piper carries on like her husband’s still there." Many women do, but who gives a frick about this fictional one? Obiously she needs medical help and the assholes who are her neighbors clearly don't give a shit, so why should we?
Life and Other Inconveniences by Kristan Higgins
That title is a dead givaway right there. "When single mom Emma receives a call for help from her estranged grandmother, the two women are forced to confront the old wounds that tore them apart." No, and once again, hell no! If they're estranged, why does her grandmother even have her number? This 'old wounds' shtick has been done to death already.
Ravenstone The Complete Saga by MS Verish
"In this set of two novels, a mysterious wizard assembles a team of misfits" That's two strikes right there: 'Saga' in the title and 'a team of misfits' in the blurb. That's like a 'ragtag bunch' or 'quirky' Sorry, but no.
Heart of the Dragon by Jamie Sullivan
Here's one for the ages (the dark ages): "Young knight Richard of Benfro hopes to slay a legendary dragon - but he didn’t count on falling for his target’s human son! Oenyn loves his adoptive father, but when he meets Richard, he finds himself torn between two worlds… An enchanting fantasy romance." Not! How is Oenyn pronounced? Is it like 'Onan'? Stop dragon my heart around...Yawn.
Hollow Wishes by Juliet Vane
"Teenage Winter is friends with the ghost that lives in her family’s caverns...." Her family has caverns? Most people would call them cavities, but I geuss they just have big mouths. The question is, why is a ghost haunting them? Maybe it's a dentist? Yawn. Just another winter's tale. What are the odds that Winter's ghost is a hot manly dude? Barf. Another dumb-ass YA story.
Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore
"Jody wakes up in an alley craving blood." If I had a dime for every time that's happened to me...I'd have nothing. "Now an unwilling vampire, she enlists aid from a nighttime supermarket stocker to hunt down whoever left her for undead." WTF? Seriously? Some random shelf stocker is her solution? What we need is Christopher Less. And that title? Really?
Walter the Farting Dog by William Kotzwinkle, Glenn Murray, Audrey Colman
Why it took three people to write this I do not know. Publishers Weekly apparently describes it as "A crowd-pleaser." Somehow I doubt a farting dog would please many crowds. I never found farting amusing even when I was a kid, so for me, this one stinks. And now I know all I need to know about Publishers Weekly's credibility.
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