Zombie Versus Fairy Featuring Albinos by James Marshall

Rating: WORTHY!

The world of zombies is real, but we know nothing of it because the zombies have an alliance with the supernatural people, such as fairies and centaurs, who clean up after the zombies and keep them hidden from the humans. In return, the zombies agree not to stage any rampages, and to keep their carnal pleasures down to a reasonable amount. This bites, but they now must focus their lack of attention only on people who genuinely want to embrace the zombie death-style. No problem there.

Buck Burger, however, is a depressed zombie. He hates the wife-style, especially when she catches him cleaning up. She’s disgusted by this and nags him to be all he can zombie. It’s a great life in the harmful. She wants to go to counselling with him just as all her friends are doing. Buck gets a prescription from his zombie doctor for his condition, and has it filled by the fairy pharmacist, whom he befriends. Though he’s winging it more than she is, he’s in awe of her élan vital, her perfection and cleanliness, and the fact that she can feel through her skin. Little does he know that the albinos, who control 90% of your average zombie’s brain and who, in favoring ordered chaos over zombie mayhem, have a far-reaching plan. Buck is going to be an integral part of it. He’s the kind of zombie who has no balls, but grew some (this pun is dedicated to Aimee, purger of puns by appointment to her major jesting Queen).

Despite the fact that I fell in love with the title, I wasn’t sure I would like this when I first began reading it. There is a previous volume to this, set in the same world, but not necessarily featuring all the same characters, and a similar sequel. I am interested in reading both of them now. I had not read the first volume, however (never having heard of it), and did not need to have done so in order to enjoy this, but this particular volume got its teeth into me and would not let go. The writing is really good – if you’re willing to ignore the fact that the author is yet another who employs staunch when he means stanch. Apart from that, his writing style in some ways reminds me of Jasper Fforde, so if you like the latter and also like zombies, especially humorous ones, then there’s a good chance you’ll like this.

The novel flagged a bit in the middle but came back strongly and kept my interest. Overall I rate it a worthy read.

Max the Brave by Ed Vere

Rating: WORTHY!

I almost missed my chance to review this one - Net Galley slipped it into my in box without me getting any kind of notification via email (that I recall anyway!) that it was there. Fortunately I found it before the deadline was up, because it would have been a tragedy to have missed an hilarious and charming children's book like this one.

Max is a fearless cat, as all cats are of course. He's black with huge eyes, perky ears and a swishy tail which doubtlessly twitches in anticipation. It's nice to have a super hero of color for a change! He hates to be dressed up in bows. His one real ambition in life is to chase mice, and possibly eat them if he has the time and it doesn't prove to be too much trouble. Unfortunately his education falls short of this ambition. He has no idea what a mouse looks like and consequently is left in the rather embarrassing position of making plaintive inquiries of any creature he encounters in his quest. If there's one thing cats cannot abide (apart from getting wet), it's being embarrassed.

Since the animals he encounters are largely honest, bless their little furry and feathery socks, he eventually hits upon the mouse trail, if not tail, but what he doesn't know is that the resident mouse lies - like a dog in fact - and worse than this, directs him to the neighborhood monster, the cat now operating under the tragic misaprehension that the creature is the mouse! I loved the word play on 'Gulp" at this point.

I recommend this story for the sheer fun of it and the cute drawings. Everybody loves an adventurous quest story and this is a fun one that children will want to hear again and again. This is definitely a worthy read!

The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant by Drew Hayes

Rating: WORTHY!

This is a first person PoV novel which for me is usually worst person PoV. I don't like the person because it's usually done badly and gets in the way of telling a good story. Here's the author explaining what a poor choice of voice it was, at the start of a later chapter:

** Note: Since I was not present for Krystal's experience after she was taken from my apartment, she has requested to tell this part of the story in her own words, rather than have it relayed. Therefore, the next two chapters will recount a part of the tale I cannot vouch for, as I did not witness it firsthand.**

As it happens, the voice wasn't completely nauseating so obviously this author can write it, although first hand is two words, not one. If in doubt, dash it out: first-hand!

It takes chutzpah to try to hawk a novel which has the words "utterly uninteresting" embedded in the very title. Fred is an accountant. He's lackluster, timid, and was alternately bullied and ignored in high school, yet he elects to attend the ten-year reunion. He's fortunate that it's at night, because as a vampire, he cannot go out in daylight.

Despite enjoying eternal youth, endless longevity, and vampire 'super powers" such as strength and night vision, Fred is still retiring and intimidated by the school jocks and the school hotties. He does take satisfaction in knowing that as they age and wrinkle, and spread around the middle, he will continue to be slim, strong, and youthful. He contemplates a future where he could visit his nemesis in his retirement home just to make fun of him, but quickly decides he should probably just confine himself to dancing on his grave instead.

He doesn't expect to see any of his nerd acquaintances at the reunion - not friends, even, just acquaintances - so he's rather surprised when Krystal sits down beside him at his lonely table. He asks her about her work, and she promptly makes an excuse to go to the bathroom. He doesn't expect to see her again, but when the lights go out in the gym and he discovers the doors are locked, he makes his way up to the commentator's box high in the rafters to hide out, and he's surprised to find her trussed to a table up there.

He's even more surprised when she finally reveals that she works for a secret government agency which keeps paranormals under control, and he's more than disturbed to discover that the school reunion has been targeted by a hungry pack of werewolves.

This is the start of not so much a story, but a series of chronologically-ordered vignettes which are amusing, engrossing, inventive, original and self contained, although linked to one another. It was interesting to me to read this not only because it's original and offers a really interesting alternative take on vampires, but also because I reviewed a book containing a similar arrangement of stories recently. That book was so repetitive and uninventive that it was boring and not a worthy read. This one, even though it used a similar format, was quite the opposite.

That's not to say there were no issues with it. There are nearly always issues! The question is whether the author can offer you enough of a solid story to make the issues relatively unimportant when it comes to overall enjoyment. This author has an interesting way with words, and often that's fine, but in some cases I was wondering what he meant. "...[T]hat was not a burden with which I had been shouldered" is not good phraseology! "That was not a burden I was used to shouldering" would have made more sense.

In another case, I read, "Ah, the crux of vanity." I can see what he means, but shuddered to read it rendered like that. There were other cases where too many words were used. This is a case of using non-words like 'irregardless' when 'regardless' does perfectly fine. In this case, the author wrote: "...formerly abandoned church..." He meant an abandoned church. A formerly abandoned church is one which is now back in service (pun intended!). There was only one out-and-out spelling error that I noticed, which was "damndest", and which is missing an 'e', and one case of using the wrong word: "...which clearing wasn't feeding." I think he meant "which clearly wasn't feeding." One final one was "We tread slowly across the plush red carpet" when the author obviously meant "we trod".

A spell checker would have caught only a couple of these errors. You need a good editor or beta readers to catch the others. It wasn't all bad though, by any means. The writing in general was commendable and I enjoyed reading this. We get an object lesson in how to avoid using 'inch' as a verb, for example: "She pulled it inward inch by inch" (as opposed to "she inched it in" which is what a writer who loves English less than this author does might have fed their readers).

I was nonetheless disturbed to see yet another writer who is evidently convinced that you can't say 'female character' in your novel without qualifying it by adding "beautiful". We got: "I didn't have a lot of experience with beautiful women asking me out..." and "... it had certainly made her beautiful."

This was the main female character who had been some other sort of persona non grata in high school, and who had been evidently over-weight. How she managed to evidently slim down and turn beautiful post-high-school isn't explained, but the explanation I really wanted was why? Why could she not still be the nerd (or whatever she was) from school? Why did she have to be rendered "beautiful" to make her acceptable, thereby loudly instructing all the real girls who had high school experiences like hers, that they're really still losers because they're are not now slim and beautiful? It's an insult to women everywhere regardless of who they are and how they look. I wish writers wouldn't do this so routinely that it's become very nearly a rule.

That complaint aside, I did, as I've indicated, really warm to this story and to the characters. It moved quickly, told interesting and original stories, and was an engrossing read, so I rate it worthy regardless of the issues I've raised, while hooping for better in the next outing with this author!

Trashed by Derf Backderf

Rating: WORTHY!

18 months of trash generated by Americans would form a line of full garbage trucks that would stretch to the Moon. A quarter billion tons a year - three pounds of trash per person per day - even after recycling. Half a century ago we generated less when there was no recycling (granted the population was less, though)!

That's the vein in which Derf Backderf launches his graphic novel, and he apparently knows what he's talking about, having worked as a garbage-man at one point in his life. This is both a reality-based fictional romp through the garbage and an instruction manual on what's wrong with our 'waste lots care not' society vis-à-vis our generation and disposal (or not) of our trash.

We learn a lot about the dubious joys of this line of work from the disgustingly liquid and stinking garbage of the summer to the frozen to the curb garbage of winter, as well as other issues such as the weight of the garbage, the dangers of driving a truck on icy roads, and the exhaust fumes coming out at face height on a truck supposedly designed to allow guys to ride on the outside - right behind that exhaust! The authors tells us that garbage collection has the sixth highest mortality rate, behind only logging, commercial fishing, piloting aircraft, roofing, and iron working. Yep, they beat out even policing and fire fighting!

So what's in our trash? According to the author, using an EPA survey, a third of our trash is food and yard waste, which effectively recycles itself as compost. Another third is recyclable materials such as wood, metal, plastic and glass. Less than ten percent of the plastic is recycled. And the EPA figures used here may not even be telling the whole truth.

The distressing thing is that this graphic novel itself wastes paper by having way too much white space and empty pages! In the e-version which I read, this doesn't matter of course, but it would if it went to a significant print run. In addition to assorted blank pages throughout the course of this book, and the occasional page with only one small illustration, there is a rather staggering twelve blank pages at the end of the book. That's an even number, meaning this book could have been significantly smaller and thereby used proportionately less paper in a print version. It's worth thinking about - but then so is the content of this book.

The novel is illustrated crisply and competently in black and white line drawings. The author doesn't know how to spell temperamental (tempermental? No!) or asbestos (asbestoes is not a disease you want, trust me on this!). After a while it occurred to me that this had been done deliberately, but I wasn't sure. Other than that, this is good, interesting, fun, and best of all, informative enough to make a reader think. For example, although we now have less than a quarter of the active landfills we used to have, the size of the landfills has increased. The example this author gives is of Salton, which expanded from eight acres, 45 feet deep in 2008 to 287 acres 250 feet deep in 2012. Some can dip down to four hundred feet. Some can cover more than two thousand acres, or over three square miles, such as the one outside Las Vegas. The author gets all these things across without any long and boring lectures.

On the up side, landfills can produce methane which can be captured and used as energy for up to half a century after the landfill becomes land full. On the down side, even a ten acre landfill can leak 3,000 gallons of toxic fluids into ground water every year, and the decomposition of the waste takes almost forever. Even a steel can might take half a century to disintegrate; a plastic bottle almost half a millennium, and both of them should have been recycled. Don't even get started on the yellow torpedoes - the plastic drink bottles full of urine that are tossed out by truckers who don't want to stop for a rest break. Utah, so we're told, found 30,000 of these one year!

There are over 4,000 landfills in Texas alone, both functional and defunct. This reminded me of the John Lennon contribution to the Beatles song, A Day in the life: "I read the news today, oh boy! 4,000 landfills, Texas, USA, and so the stink was rather large, and we could smell it all. Now we know how just how much stench it takes to fill the Astrodome! I have to re-cy-cuhl-uh-uhl-uh-uhl...."

I highly recommend this book as a very informative and worthy, if rather depressing, read, but get the e-version!

Keep Austin Weird by Mary Jane

Title: Keep Austin Weird
Author: Mary Jane (no website found)
Publisher: Smashwords
Rating: WORTHY!

Errata:
"He then flawless recited..." should be "He then flawlessly recited..." (note I read this on a smartphone which means that page numbers are useless and locations are pretty much worthless when we can simple do a search).
"when I picked up you backpack" should be "when I picked up your backpack..."
"...once or twice.”“Really, just one our twice..." should be "...once or twice.”“Really, just once or twice..."
"Texas’ capitol building" should be "Texas’s capitol building". Texas isn't a plural so it's apporpriate to add apostrophe 's'.
"...if she was like that when they first meet..." should be "...if she was like that when they first met...".
"knew each other at UT.”They shake hands and exchange pleasantries, Kim mentally trying to place the term, 'know each other..." should be ”They shake hands and exchange pleasantries, Kim mentally trying to place the term, 'knew each other..." (Tense is changed).
"You’re Bitchy Barista reputation" should be "Your Bitchy Barista reputation"
"I’m violating the only philosophical tenant..." should be "I’m violating the only philosophical tenet..."

Mary Jane may be male or female (I am by no means convinced by the Goodreads blurb for this author! Is "Mary Jane" really comedian Lindsay Rousseau? Who knows?) and it doesn't matter, except that this author treasures anonymity so highly that I can't give you an author's website, although you can try here to get a sampling of this author's writing which sports titles such as, "Like Water for Macaroni". The title of this novel is unfortunate because if you enter it as a search term on the web, you're going to get everything but this novel showing up, including an ungodly number of tie-dyed T-shirts! That and a few too many typos aside, it was a fun read.

The story is about Eleanor Cooprider and Kim Park, who are people I would definitely like to know. Having said that I wouldn't want to go to one of their soirées, which I confess struck me as slightly tedious. These two are at their best when it's just these two, and they're talking about any topic. They're playful, smart, interesting, eclectic, off-beat, irreverent, supportive, and very warm people who dearly love each other no matter what.

This story begins at the beginning - they day they met, but then it jumps around a lot, be warned - perhaps a bit too much for some readers, but for me it wasn't too annoying, just a little confusing here and there. The chapters have a sub-heading giving time and place, full of pseudo-self-importance which is always a bad sign, and which assumes that the reader actually remembers the time and place from the previous chapter, which is neither a wise nor is it a safe assumption given how engrossing their story is when it's really good. It's not very flowing either, in addition to being rather non-linear.

I had some issues with the story in general. For example, Kim is 23 but she references Larry Bird. Bird was a Boston Celtics player who had a distinguished career, but he retired in 1992, before Kim was born. It’s not really very likely she would recall him or esteem him as a player. It's possible, but a much more recent reference would have made more sense here. The problem was that the author was so locked into the name that she evidently forgot to check for appropriateness.

The Christmas play they put on as the story gets going is one about Charlie Brown and Christmas. We read, "...actually entitled 'Linus and Lucy'...", but entitled is used wrongly. It should be 'titled'. 'Entitled means something different, although I see more and more authors using it wrongly like this.

If you can handle this however, you're in for a treat. This story follows the two from their first meeting at the school where they teach, until Eleanor retires - and it's quite a short book. Kim is convinced that Eleanor is a super hero because she can detect which career is best for her young school charges, but even super heroes make mistakes. The question is, what will happen to their relationship if Eleanor's "high flying" days come crashing down around the two of them?

I loved this story (mostly!) and recommend it.

Gronk by Katie Cook

Title: Gronk
Author: Katie Cook
Publisher: Action Lab Comics
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

This graphic novel charmed me completely. I loved it from the cover illustration onwards. It even comes with its own website!. It ran all the time along the border of being too sugary, but for me it never really slipped over sufficiently to turn me off. The author sounds like someone it would be fun to know. Were it not for the presence of the sweet young monster, I could almost believe this was an auto-biography.

In Gronk we learn of an ugly green monster who really isn't ugly or a monster, or even very scary (but who is assuredly green) and who is too sweet and pleasantly-dispositioned to live up to really monstrous standards. She leaves her world and accidentally finds her way into the author's, where she's rapidly adopted, joining the author, who lives in a rather isolated cabin with her pet cat and pet dog (who is more of a 'monster' than ever Gronk is).

From there we follow this family's daily life in a series of Sunday newspaper style comics section vignettes, as Gronk learns about he human world and how to fit into it. Why does the cat spend so much time sitting in a cardboard box? Why isn’t it wise to invite the dog into the box? Should cats be bathed daily by sitting them in the toilet and flushing it? What’s the best way to play Monopoly? Why doesn’t Candyland actually have candy? And so on! These are certainly questions I want serious answers to!

One of the strongest pluses of this novel is that it shows with heart and feeling how different people, different personalities and different outlooks can live together in harmony (aside from an occasional glitch!). I recommend it for that, and for the comfortable and pleasing artwork in full color - artwork that looks more like heart-work it's so warm and cozy. Yes, I went there. Unashamedly! The author takes a page or two at the end to offer an interesting story of how Gronk became a character and then a story. It just goes to show that doodling isn’t a problem - it’s a feature!

Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

Title: Beauty Queens
Author: Libba Bray
Publisher: Scholastic
Rating: WORTHY!

I've been somewhat of a fan of this author since I read the A Great and Terrible Beauty trilogy - a trilogy that made sense, was well-written, and enjoyable. I looked at other titles by Bray, of course, but I've never found one which appealed as much as that did. Until now!

Beauty Queens is one of the funniest and best-written novels that I've ever not read. I say that because I didn't read this - I listened to the audio book read by Libba Bray herself, and she does a damned fine job of it. I recommend getting the audio book over the print or ebook because she reads it perfectly.

This just goes to show how brain-dead it truly is to insist upon actors for reading the audio versions of published books. Actors may be fine at acting, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're any good at all at reading novels for an audience, and audio book publishers simply don't get that for some reason. Another book I enjoyed in the audio book version was The Golden Compass narrated by Philip Pullman and read by an ensemble cast. The Subtle Knife was just as enjoyable in the same format. I haven't got to the third in that audio trilogy yet.

The big problem with audio books is the expense, of course: the CD versions are way expensive, but with the advent of audio ebooks, perhaps this will change - although with Big Publishing™, I wouldn't hold out much hope. I got mine from the Libba-rary(!), and once I knew how good it was, I went out and bought the hardback - which I got at a nice discount - just to have it on my shelf.

This novel gripped me from the start and made me laugh out loud repeatedly. I routinely by-pass introductions and prologues in books, but this is hard to do with audio-books, so I just let this play. I enjoyed every bit of it right from the start, fortunately.

The story begins with fifty teen beauty queens, one from each US state, surviving a plane crash on a remote island, and their dealing with the aftermath. The first couple of chapters were so hilarious that I was pretty much ready to give this a 'worthy read' rating even if the rest of it was crappy!

Fortunately, it wasn't. The author creates a whole set of characters (not all fifty get a significant part, but a bunch of them do), and each has a distinct personality and behavior - and they all have interesting back-stories. There was some serious work went into this one. The sly, anarchic humor runs rampant through every chapter.

It's not simply stranded beauty queens, which is hilarious enough in itself, especially with the author's writing subtly undermining the whole concept of beauty pageants. It's also the behind-the-scenes machinations by the pageant organizers and, believe it or not, arms running! I fully and highly recommend this one - the audio version in particular.

The Amazing Brain of OC Longbotham by Barbara Spencer

Title: The Amazing Brain of OC Longbotham
Author: Barbara Spencer
Publisher: Troubador
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often enough reward aplenty!

Delightfully illustrated by Charley Belles.

Philip James Longbotham lives with his mom and two older sisters, Anna, and Kitty. He's four years old and is rather OCD. He liked to measure their new home every day in case it had grown in the night. He seems to have a vocabulary way in excess of what might be expected in you typical four-year-old, but he soon grows into it.

This novel consists of text and images, some of which contain text, continuing the story, but some of those were barely legible in the Adobe Digital Editions version of the novel, and this was on a reading page measuring approximately ten inches by six (that's very approximately 25cm by 15cm for the rest of the world outside the antique USA). Hopefully that issue will be fixed before this goes to regular publication, otherwise it’s going to be a tough and tedious job trying to read this on a Kindle or an iPad mini or a smart phone!

The novel is set in Britain, so I felt right at home, but I have to say some of the writing was a little off here and there. Many sentences which ought to have ended in a question mark were missing one, and conversely, at least one which did not need a question mark had one. That aside, I loved the writing and the tone of voice. It was playful, amusing, inventive, and very engrossing. I loved the family dynamics. Anna and Kitty were completely adorable, even as they were being evil sometimes. OC was a delight in his simplicity as his friend Charles was in his scheming complexity.

Although Philip begins this novel at age four, nearly five, the story progresses quite rapidly after his unfortunate encounter of the wasp kind (the purpose of which was something of a mystery to me, since he obviously had some sort of issue going on before that). However, afterwards, we’re told that he's now a savant when it comes to chess, math, and science, and a poor student when it comes to English - particularly spelling. He also has a hard time remembering things and so he keeps notes to help himself. Very practical!

When he gets into his teens, he meets a new guy who moved in next door, Charles Andrew Sheridan Harris, or Cash for short. Cash is the same age as Phil, and despite being wheelchair-bound, he's hell-bent on a career in crime. He starts out small with shoplifting, but after he meets Phil, know known universally as OC, he migrates into business, charging other students for forging their homework, with Phil answering their math and science questions and Cash forging their handwriting with the answers - and with some wrong answers and crossings-out to make it look authentic. The two of them accumulate a small pile of money with these techniques.

When Cash learns that OC is an expert chess player, they move into tournament play for cash prizes. One of these involved bringing in Anna, who can pass for eighteen, and Kitty, who is an expert at handling OC if he has an episode. These episodes are triggered when his brain overloads, and she's masterful at bringing him down to Earth again. This is how they end-up in Birmingham pursuing another tournament and a little business opportunity on the side, envisaged by Cash.

I found this novel to be completely captivating despite being nowhere near the age it's aimed at. I don't know what it was exactly (other than really good writing, of course!), but it grabbed me from the off and it never let go. All of the characters were superbly well-drawn and entertaining. I loved the Longbotham family. Anna and Kitty were particularly entertaining. I can see them getting their own novel.

The story was fun, it moved at a decent clip, it delivered the goods, and it came up with a really neat ending. I recommend this novel.

Clerks (The Lost Scene) by Kevin Smith

Title: Clerks (The Lost Scene)
Author: Kevin Smith
Publisher: Oni Press
Rating: WORTHY!

Penciled by Phil Hester
Inked Ande Parks

For those familiar with Kevin Smith's movies, this will be standard boilerplate stuff. It's not really a lost scene - merely one they couldn't afford to pay for when they were making the movie Clerks, so it was cut from the script. I believe it was included in the animated series, which I've not seen. Now, using Kevin Smith's script and artwork by Hester and Parks, it lives, if only in static pictorial format.

If you're a huge fan of the movie, which I'm not (although I do think it worth watching), then you might enjoy this. Otherwise it probably won't be of much utility to you unless you're really into Smith and/or gross-out comics. It is funny, I admit!

The story is of Dante and Randal (the two clerks from Clerks, of course) going to Julie Dwyer's funeral, and an unfortunate incident with some mislaid car keys and an open casket. There's a three page intro featuring Jay and Silent Bob, followed by 17 pages of story and finally a one page outro, and that's it. The artwork is grey-scale, and it and the script are very average, but I do recommend it for fans.

Queen of Rogues by TT MacDangereuse

Title: Queen of Rogues
Author: TT MacDangereuse (no website found)
Publisher: Penguin
Rating: WORTHY!

Based on a Cartoon Network series, this is one of a pair of charming middle-grade books which were well-enough written that they entertained me, too, and I'm closer to middle-age than ever I am middle-grade! The other is The Untamed Scoundrel. These stories are only about 130 pages long, and pretty much double-spaced, so that makes them more like 70 pages - a very fast read. I got them both from the library, but I plan on buying these for my kids to read.

I have no idea in what order these were published, and from a purely reading PoV, it really doesn't matter since they're completely self-contained and not at all chronological, but I read this one second. I was less impressed with it than I was the first. Perhaps that was because I found the first to be a complete riot, whereas this seemed a bit darker by comparison, and rather less humorous.

It was, however, still greatly entertaining and just as wild and crazy in its own way, as was the first one I read, so I have no hesitation in recommending it. There's a new cast of characters here, although one of them has an apparent family relationship to a character in the other novel.

The story begins with Fionna, who has a fear - call it a phobia - of, well not so much the ocean, but the evil carnivores which live in it. Fionna is attending a party aboard a luxury yacht (pronounced, "Throat Wobbler Mangrove" - and if you get that reference, then you'll probably enjoy this novel) with a rented date.

The Ice Queen is also in attendance. She ends up issuing a boat-race challenge to the owner of the yacht - and then she cheats to win it, leaving Fionna and the yacht's owner, PG, and her morphing cat "Cake", stranded in a dinghy together - where they're promptly picked up by pirates - led by a vampire! Just your typical day in Adventure Time! Fionna becomes rather more closely acquainted with the ocean than ever she wanted to be, and finds creative uses for a jellyfish.

I recommend this if you like your middle-grade stories just the other side of crazy! You can read the first chapter of this on the Amazon website.

The Untamed Scoundrel by TT MacDangereuse

Title: The Untamed Scoundrel
Author: TT MacDangereuse (no website found)
Publisher: Penguin
Rating: WORTHY!

Based on a Cartoon Network series, this is one of a pair of charming middle-grade books which were well-enough written that they entertained me, too, and I'm closer to middle-age than ever I am middle-grade! The other is Queen of Rogues. These stories are only about 130 pages each, and pretty much double-spaced, so that makes them more like 70 pages - a very fast read. I got them both from the library, but I plan on buying these for my kids to read.

I have no idea in what order these were published, and from a purely reading PoV, it really doesn't matter since they're completely self-contained and not at all chronological, but I read this one first, for no particular reason. I was more impressed with it than I was the second. Perhaps that was because I found this one to be a complete riot, whereas the other seemed slightly darker by comparison, and rather less humorous.

This one features the Untamed Scoundrel, aka Sir Jacobus Gooddog, who actually is a dog, and who has a faithful hu-manservant known as Finnish Biped, and who is more like a partner in crime than ever he is a servant. The scoundrel's parents want him to quit womanizing and gadding about, and settle down, and they've organized a ball to which all the eligible ladies of the land are invited and who have been informed that Sir Jacobus will choose a bride at this ball.

The Scoundrel and Finn decide to turn the ball into an extreme fighting arena, the winner to be the one Sir Jacobus marries, but when everyone arrives, things start going badly for The Scoundrel (the food fight doesn't help), until he spots Lady Rainicorn (who is a unicorn with rainbow skin), and who is accompanied by a woman dressed all in black, whom Finn and Sir J identify as a witch.

Before the Scoundrel can work his whiles upon the rather shy Lady Rainicorn, she and the witch have left, and Sir J and Finn chase after them, stealing a boat from the harbor so they can sail to the island where the witch is quite obviously holding Lady R as a prisoner. It's far from plain sailing however, and a rather large surprise awaits them on the island - something even a magic haggis cannot resolve.

This story had me laughing from page one, and kept me laughing all the way to the end. It's a complete riot and so off-the-wall that it had to be moved outdoors for the action to continue. I highly recommend it.

You can read the first chapter on the Amazon website.

Mabel the Lovelorn Dwarf by Sherry Peters

Title: Mabel the Lovelorn Dwarf
Author: Sherry Peters
Publisher: Sherry Peters
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new book is often reward aplenty!

This novel had such an absurd title that I couldn't resist it and I'm happy to report that resistance would have been futile anyway. This novel is adorable. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s perfect, but it is a real charmer that won me over very quickly. Plus, if you like it, then you'll be happy to know it’s the first of a series: the Ballad of Mabel Goldenaxe. I have to say I am not a huge fan of serial novels, but this one was good enough that I'm actually tempted to follow this series!

Mabel is the youngest of a small dwarf family - and no, that's not a tautology. The family is a bunch of dwarfs, and the family size is small: there's only a dozen or so of them. She's the only daughter and it's her first day in the mines. Her family is very supportive. Her father is distinctly over-bearing, but her brothers love her and give her all kinds of encouragement, even though she feels slightly under-dwarfed: she's rather on the slender side, not stout like your ideal dwarf, and her beard is only thin, but hey, she's very young - only 75 years, so there's plenty of time for her to become a real broad and hirsute herself.

Mabel has a knack for mining (she's a dwarf, after all), and on her first day she manages to instinctively find an emerald, which is quite a novelty. Most dwarfs find them, but not on their first day on the job. Naturally she heads to the bar to celebrate with her brothers and friends after the shift is over by downing a gallon or two of good ale. Everything seems perfect, doesn't it?

It’s not.

Mabel's mom, she's long been told, stole the family fortune and fled the mountain when Mabel was but a dwarfling, bringing down disgrace upon the family which they're only just now out-growing. Mabel's so-called best friend, whom she's known since childhood, is actually subtly - and then not-so-subtly - undermining Mabel every chance she gets. Her father seems to be growing ever more obsessed with finding Mabel a mate, and Mabel - bless her little plaited beard - is developing a growing interest in axe-throwing as a sport.

Naturally her father tries to stanch this un-dwarfish activity, but he can hardly hold her back since she's really good at it, and one of her brothers was a champion who supports her ambition to compete in the dwarf games. As if that's not bad enough, Mabel starts developing an interest in another un-dwarf-like activity: going to the movies. It’s bad enough she does that, but these movies have elves in them. Her father barely tolerates this, so how can Mabel possibly tell anyone that she's fallen in love with Aramis - the star of the elver screen?

This story is an adventure story, a mystery, a coming of age, a YA romance, and a bloody good piece of fiction. It’s funny, without being farcical or a parody. It’s moving to see how badly put-upon poor Mabel is, and how resilient she is. It’s inspiring to see how dedicated and loyal she is. And it’s amazing to see such a strong female character come out of what I originally thought was going to be a rather juvenile fantasy.

I'm one hundred percent behind this novel, which was a real pleasure to read.

The Reluctant Vampire by Eric Morecambe

Title: The Reluctant Vampire
Author: Written and illustrated by Eric Morecambe
Publisher: Harper Collins
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review. The chance to read a new novel is reward aplenty!

Eric Morecambe died in 1984 at the relatively youthful age of 58 - that's what a lifetime smoking habit will do to you. Paired with Ernie Wise, the twosome formed the most popular pair of entertainers in Britain in the 1970s. Their annual Xmas TV show was always brilliant and hilarious and had a huge following. It held very much the same place that the Doctor Who Xmas specials do now, although even Doctor Who doesn't pull in anywhere near as big an audience as Morecambe and Wise drew.

I got this book thinking it was a graphic novel, paying no attention to the author's name and not even realizing it was by the Eric Morecambe. When I saw the name on the cover, I thought it was maybe his son, or just someone who shared the name. Even wikipedia doesn't mention it, so I was really thrilled that I’d stumbled into a chance to read it.

The story is of a doctor who is called in to cure the son, Valentine, of the ruling vampire of Ketchem, or he will be completely liquidized and sent home in a children's beach bucket. The story has overtones of Mel Brooks's Young Frankenstein, as you'll note as soon as you meet Igon, the vampire's assistant, who has only one eye. It's also a bit reminiscent of Spike Milligan's writing. The way it’s written will work for grown-ups or for children.

The castle servant's name is Des O'Connor backwards. Des O'Connor is an English singer and comedian who has pretty much retired now (and earned it!), but who appeared on the Morecambe and Wise show many times. The story begins with the doctor being called to the castle to fix Valentine's attack of the 'vampire vapors', but after a lot of farce, the Doctor learns that Valentine isn’t actually a vampire! Mystery and intrigue - but it all turns out well in the end!

I loved this story because the humor was completely off-the-wall, yet the story still hung together comfortably. There was a plot, and a beginning, a middle, and an end. I laughed a lot and enjoyed reading it. The fact that this story has to be at the very least thirty years old isn't apparent from the writing. It could have been written yesterday. I recommend it, and if you like it, there's a sequel: The Vampire's Revenge.

I Need a New Butt by Dawn McMillan

Title: I Need a New Butt
Author: Dawn McMillan
Publisher: Dover Publications
Rating: WORTHY!

Warmly illustrated by Ross Kinnaird, who is evidently really behind with his artwork....

I know, it's really sad, but I was so entertained by this, and no buts....

I mean how can you not like the idea? I could hardly believe it was written by a woman, but then why the hell not? She obviously knows on which side her bread is butt-ered, and a woman can be a gluteus for punishment just like a man.... I was honestly quite impressed by her creativity, and I don't think she's bottomed-out yet, so I'd love to read something by her which is written with a more mature (but equally playful) aspect, to which she will no doubt respond tush-hey! I'm sure that Dawn McMillan isn't one to sit-upon her laurels....

The story line is hilarious to begin with, yet it keeps on backing out new ideas each one as rib-tickling (or as warped) as the last. Ross Kinnaird's drawings are in a class of their own - they'll never be confused with great works of art, but he obviously got all the poop on this project because he's captured the story perfectly. Some of the pictures all-butt had me set back on my haunches with tears running down my er, cheeks. But maybe that's just me.

The whole idea was as hilarious as it was preposterous, so I confess I did come into this already already biased towards the writer and artist, and they did not let me down, either one of them. Of course, I'm way to old for this kind of a book, but that didn't prevent me from maximizing my enjoyment and having some fun with it.

Admittedly this advice is all a posteriori, but I recommend this for a bit of guilty fun. Strike that: for a lot of guilty fun! There! I said it! Butt Out!

Froggy Dearest by Scott Gordon

Title: Froggy Dearest
Author: Scott Gordon
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services
Rating: WORTHY!

Delightfully illustrated by Sebastien Kaulitzki.

If ever a playful book was written for Valentine's day, this is it. The author has taken a fairy tale and then ran with it to places you probably never thought it could - or even should, go! The result is an amusing series of really attractive images and humorous captions.

Obviously the deal is that you're supposed to kiss the frog, but really, who would? What on Earth possessed a writer to have the princess kiss the frog in the first place - the first place you might even think of kissing it?

A grim and bear it fairy tale indeed, but that wasn't even in the original story. The original had the princess toss the poor frog into a wall in disgust, whereupon he transformed! Quite evidently she hadn't the froggiest idea what to do with it....

But this story is a lot more palatable - and relatable - than the original, and I enjoyed it immensely.

1066 And All That by WC Sellar and RJ Yeatman

Title: 1066 And All That
Author: WC Sellar and RJ Yeatman
Publisher: Barnes & Noble
Rating: WORTHY!

Illustrated amusingly by John Reynolds.

This is a parody of British history textbooks written along the lines of Monty Python (but predating that by several decades). It was first published in 1931, and is tied to that era. This doesn't mean it has nothing to day about textbooks of more recent vintage. I went to school in Britain and I can tell you that this definitely spoke to me the first time I read it, but that was a while ago. Who knows - maybe history's changed since then!

It really helps if you have some experience of British life and know some details of British history, otherwise you'll get very little out of this, but how charming and satisfying is it that even getting on for a century ago, there were crazy people in Britain who predated The Goon Show (by twenty years) and Monthy Python's Flying Circus by almost half a century?! It's a fine tradition of insanity of which all Brits are justifiably proud.

This book covers all important history from 55BC through World War One. What a startling thought it is that that when this was written, it was still a handful of years before World War Two was even a cloud on the horizon and Anne Frank was barely two years old.

Walter Sellar was a Scots writer who penned humorous articles for the British journal Punch which specialized in humor and satire. He fought in World War One and was a teacher during WW2. Robert Yeatman had a very similar history.

The book promises to deliver "...all the parts [of history] you can remember including one hundred and three good things, five bad kings, and two genuine dates" and proceeds to take history apart at the seams. It features bizarre quizzes, and "important notes" along the lines of this one on page eight:

The Scots (originally Irish, but by now Scotch) were at this time inhabiting Ireland, having driven the Irish (picts) out of Scotland; while the Picts (originally Scots) were now Irish (living in brackets) and vice versa. It is essential to keep these distinctions clearly in mind (and verce visa).

The questions in the "test papers" are completely nuts. Here are some random examples:

12. Would you say that Ethelread the Unready was directly responsible for the French Revolution? If so, what would you say? (p16)
2. How did any one of the following differ from any one of the other?
    1. Henry IV, Part I
    2. Henry IV, Part II (p58)
10. Describe in excessive detail:
    (a) The advantages of the Black Death
    (b) The fate of the Duke of Clarence
    (c) A surfeit (p58)
1. Stigmatize cursorily (a) Queen Mary (b) Judge Jeffrey's Asides. (p77)
5. In what ways was Queen Elizabeth a Bad Man but a Good Queen? (p77)
10. Why on earth was William of Orange? (Seriously, though). (p78)

I highly recommend this if you're into British history or if you think you're up to it, but please don't try to read both sides of the page at once....

The Pleasure Dial by Jeremy Edwards

Title: The Pleasure Dial
Author: Jeremy Edwards
Publisher: 1001 Nights Press
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review.

Erratum:
p118 "bicep" - it's biceps. And triceps.

I'm not a big fan of erotic literature per se. I'd much rather indulge in it than sit and read about it, but done the right way, in the right context - that of a real story rather than inauthentic titillation for mere titillation's sake - I'm perfectly happy with it. What I find truly sad is that we live in a very effective theocracy under the dictates of which, children are at liberty to read or to watch endless scenes of people being mean and brutal towards one another, but must be "protected" fiercely from anything which depicts people enjoying and loving one another in physical ways.

How sad is it that the church, an 'authority' which is itself rooted in the absurdest of fictions, insists that intimacy is so evil, even in fiction, that not even adults ought to be exposed to it no matter how educationally, fleetingly, cursorily, or tangentially. The United States of America is one of the most fundamentalist societies on the planet, giving feared places like Iran a run for its mullah. Is it any surprise that in such a closeted society, people end-up hobbled by the worst sex-education it's possible to get?

Is it any surprise that in such a society people who 'deviate' from "the norm" however slightly, however naturally, however much in the privacy of their own homes still run a grave risk of being (metaphorically if not literally) pilloried? Is it any surprise that as a direct result of allowing such a blinkered society to propagate and fester, that same society then pays a hefty price in unwanted pregnancy and sexual inappropriateness which runs the huge gamut from annoying, through abusive, to outright criminal? Not to me it isn't.

I do enjoy a well-written comedy, which explains why I was actually interested in this novel: it's a humorous story which neither flinches nor baulks at following people into the bedroom (or wherever!) rather than shyly panning over to a roaring fire which ineffectually seeks to simulate sexual passion whilst stimulating nothing but laughter.

This story is set in the 1930's when radio listener-ship more than doubled to almost 30 million people in the US. Radio shows were for several decades directly sponsored - indeed, effectively owned - by corporations which advertised freely throughout the show, and for which the show's stars became spokes-people. This comedy of erogenous follows the machinations and lubrications of various characters as they duel and fool with each other to reach their assorted and diverse goals.

Artie Plask is a comedy writer, newly arrived in LA to join the team for Sydney Heffernan's radio show. Under the name Syd Heffy, this guy acts himself: a buffoon who barely has a competent grasp of the nuances of the English language, but who is nonetheless considered to be one of the best and biggest comedians in the country. Artie's immediate problem is that after one day on the job he discovers that the entire writing team has been fired as 'Syd Heffy' decides to abandon comedy, and relaunch himself in serious drama show.

This writing team is exclusively white of course, because writers nearly always were back then, and it's almost exclusively male for the same reason, but it's actually headed by a woman, Mariel Fenton, who also writes for the show. Here's where I first became honestly impressed. Jeremy Edwards knows how to write strong female characters, and this one saves the show - literally.

Mariel is a self-possessed, self-made woman, who holds her own (in whatever way she feels like) quite effortlessly in a man's world, and who is not only a genuinely funny person, which makes her perfect for this gig, but who is also extremely smart and astute. And of course, as required by the novel's very tone, gorgeous. Indeed, she's the real mover and shaker here, with Artie really just along for the ride (whether the ride be sexual or not!).

I have no idea who the girl on the cover of this novel is, either in real life or as representative of a character. She could be generic or she could be intended as Elyse Heffernan, Syd Heffy's pan-sexual and nympho-maniacal daughter. She certainly isn't Mariel, and she really doesn't appear to be Elyse, either, but the photograph is undeniably erotic. The feet seem a little bit large for the image to be perfect, but that may just be a perspective distortion (or my bias towards smaller feet!).

That said, I have to admit that this near-perfect picture is what initially caught my eye with this novel. I would never have launched into reading it on that cover image though, no matter how exciting it may be. The novel could have actually had any cover, because it was the novel's premise which sold it to me, recalling screwball comedies of the forties, and madcap comedies of the fifties. But kudos to the cover designer and photographer(s). For once in a blue moon, they really, er, nailed it.

If you think the cover model is Elyse, then you really need to read the novel, because you simply don't get her at all. Elyse is the second powerful female character in this novel. Her liberal sexuality is misleading, for there's a strength to this young woman which far-too-many young-adult writers, for example - even female ones - fail to understand, much less employ in a world where the main female lead, after being sold to us as strong, independent, and capable, is all-too-often immediately subjugated to an even stronger male.

Neither of these women is subject to anyone. Artie's first introduction to Elyse is when he sees her naked at the swimming pool at her father's house (what daddy doesn't know...well, she can get away with, including having sex with every one of the writers except the gay one). The patio is where all the writing gets done, and Elyse gets wet from just being around these creative, smart, and funny people before she ever enters the pool. His second introduction to her is in bed shortly afterwards, but it's just that one time, because once Artie and Mariel start becoming better acquainted, they become much better acquainted and indeed, inseparable - often quite literally.

The thing which really turns Artie on most about Mariel is, quite appropriately, a woman's most overwhelming sex organ: her mind. He gets off on her thoughts, and she returns the appreciation in equal measure. This is what makes this organ of entertainment, as the rabbi said after the circumcision, a cut above the rest. I just wish more female writers - especially writers of so-called romance novels and YA novels - would get this fact as well as Jeremy Edwards does in his own genre.

This novel follows a host of amusing twists, turns, and delectable diversions. The dialog is snappy, entertaining, and more often than not, rib-ticklingly funny. I'd love to meet someone like Mariel just to have that kind of mind to interact with, or better yet to co-write with - and the hell with the sex! It wasn't all smooth surfing for me, but the only real issue I had with this is the author's descriptions of the many supposedly erotic encounters. To me there's a marked difference between eroticism and crudity, and this novel strayed over the line once in a while.

Note that the language is ribald at best and in the gutter at worst when it comes to depicting the intimate encounters here, so please do not venture into this if you're readily offended. Personally I don't care what language is used as long as it's appropriate to the story or to the character, and there's the, er, rub! Edwards was a bit too fond of using a certain four-letter word to describe a certain defining part of the feminine anatomy, but in this context - one of eroticism - it seemed too abusive to me to find a home here.

I can see it showing up in a novel about abuse or in one relating a story of BDSM even, but in erotica? To me erotica tells a different and very special story, and this jarred too much. Usually, the erotic scenes were deliciously erotic, but unfortunately often they kicked me out of suspension of disbelief because it felt like the author was trying much too hard to use every word he could conjure up to describe events and anatomy. You may have a different crudity scale from me, of course, and consequently your denier may differ.

That aside, I loved this novel and I recommend it erotically! Personally I'm going ot be looking for more by this author.

How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran

Title: The Dragon Business
Author: Caitlin Moran
Publisher: Harper Collins
Rating: WORTHY!

My blog is nearly all about fiction - writing it, reading it, watching it, but once in a while I blog non-fiction. In this case, I'm assuming that this is mostly non-fiction, but I admit that sometimes I wondered, because this novel/biography has the same issues that I have with first person PoV fiction: how can the narrator possibly recall all these events in such detail?

It's not possible for someone to recall conversations not only word-for-word, but also the nuances attached to those words. At best you can have an impression, which may not even be accurate, of an exchange, and that's what I'm assuming went on here. Even if you keep a detailed diary, it's never that detailed! Even if you wrote the conversation down shortly after it occurred, you can't recall it that precisely. That said, this book was endlessly entertaining, enlightening in some parts, and LoL hilarious at times.

There were some portions which fell flat for me, but very few. It helped that Moran is British so I had many common reference points with her which may be lost on American readers, although some of her writing is surprisingly mid-Atlantic. Maybe the UK has gone over to the American side a lot more than it had when I lived there.

Essentially, this story is highlights (or low-lights if you like) from Caitlin's (real name Catherine, pronounced Catlin - you'll have to read it to figure that out!) youth to the present (present when it was written, of course!), but with the focus tightly on feminine issues. She begins with her period making her see red, followed closely by public hair (well, it was pubic, but it's not now she's written a best-selling book about it...), and from there she rants on about breasts, feminism, bras, panties, obesity, genderism, love, marriage, abortion, role models, and fashion.

I highly recommend this. It beats anything else that I've ever read on feminism, and it has some new and interesting points of view to share.

The Dragon Business by Kevin J Anderson

Title: The Dragon Business
Author: Kevin J Anderson
Publisher: Simply Audio
Rating: WORTHY!

Ably read by James Langton.

This is the story of a trio of con-men who claim to slay dragons but really run elaborate schemes with a crocodile head at the end of them along with the bald-faced assertion that this is the dead dragon, and the hope that the victims of the scam have neither seen nor heard of crocodiles. This is when they're not splintering wood to sell pieces of the true cross, or delivering skulls retrieved from graveyards and passing them off as the trewe skulle of some saint or other. They've even been known to sell several skulls of the same saint in the same village, passing them off as representative of said saint at different periods in his life!

If you're wanting standard trope or clichéd fantasy, then don't come here. You won't like it. If you do, however, want an hilarious tale told with a silver tongue stowed inside a cheeky cheek, and with rib-tickling modern observations on medieval life, then this is definitely the place you want to visit. There's a lot of Monty Python and the Holy Grail in this novel, but here it's much more dry, subdued, and restrained.

The audio book was eminently listenable, for which I am eternally grateful since a bad reading can destroy even a really good and engrossing novel. Once in a while the cadence was a little irritating, but most of the time I didn't notice it because the novel was so entertaining.

The story really gets going when a real dragon appears, and the startling Princess Affonyl - a delightfully strong female character - takes her fate powerfully into her own hands.

Dear Digby by Carol Muske-Dukes

Title: Dear Digby
Author: Carol Muske-Dukes
Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
Rating: WORTHY!

DISCLOSURE: Unlike the majority of reviews in this blog, I've neither bought this book nor borrowed it from the library. This is a "galley" copy ebook, supplied by Net Galley. I'm not receiving (nor will I expect to receive or accept) remuneration for this review.

This is a seminal novel, particularly in that it mentions the word seminal - nearly always in conjunction with fluid - some 31 times. That has to be a record outside of in-vitro fertilization hand-books (and perhaps even there, too).

This hilarious and tragic story was first Published in 1989. It's related by a 'Dear Abby' style editor, Willis Digby (her father wanted a boy). And no, she doesn't work for Seed magazine. Instead she works for a feminist magazine which has a circulation of some five million. Willis, the narrator, is not at all satisfied with her job and is concerned about some of the whack letters she gets, but this doesn't prevent her from being a smart-ass in her responses to some of them.

She's also concerned that she's going quietly nuts, so it's rather nice that she has someone with whom she can compare herself. She befriends a woman named Iris (as in seeing Iris), who is officially nuts, supposedly, and who starts writing to Willis about finding a certain fluid in her underwear each morning. She's convinced someone is raping her in the night, but of course no one believes her. Willis decides she will believe Iris.

Willis also receives threatening letters of a more or less vague quality, and she's rather foolish in not taking those a bit more seriously, as events demonstrate, but she gives an impressive account of herself when push comes to shovel. There exists a number of YA authors, as impressive as it is sad, who seriously need to take a page or ream from Carol Muske-Dukes's writing.

This novel is about relationships, about definitions of crazy, about a woman coming to terms with her life, and taking the reins. About time! I highly recommend it for its impressive story-telling, its humor, and the superior quality of the writing.