What an original title! "After a two-pronged strike against the United States and Russia, elite Air Force agent Jericho Quinn" stop right there. No. Just no. Jericho? Seriously? Author Brad Thor thinks this is "Awesome" so we're given to understand. Remind me never to read anything he's written, either.
Friday, August 13, 2021
Dark Room by Heidi McLaughlin, LP Dover
"Wealthy Parker visits a sex club and indulges in the Dark Room - where talking is forbidden. But when anonymous sex with his best friend's sister, Mia, fulfills all his wildest fantasies, will they break the rules to be together?" How sweet! They can share their doses of penicillin. Barf.
Gracie's Secret by Jill Childs
An author named Childs writes a book about a child! "When her three-year-old daughter is nearly killed in a car accident, Jen is furious at the woman who was driving: Ella, her ex-husband's girlfriend. And soon, a devastating secret could come to light" That Gracie isn't her ex's child? No surprises there.
Steamborn: The Complete Trilogy by Eric R Asher
Jacob, a tinker's apprentice, has never ventured beyond Ancora's walls - but an enemy invasion forces him to embrace his destiny." Which is to run away beyond the walls? Is this another steampunk story that has little to no steam - and isn't even steamy?! Nothing could be rasher....
The Weight of a Thousand Oceans by Jillian Webster
"In a flooded near-future, Maia lives an isolated life" No, relaly? "dreaming of a brighter tomorrow - and of a land her grandfather insists is just a myth." Lemme guess: that land is the USA? Yawn.
The Chocolate Works by Geoffrey Knight
"Chicago businessman Henry has no idea what to do with the roadside diner he inherited from his uncle. But when he meets an irresistible chocolatier named Levi, he senses a sweet, delicious future for the restaurant... and himself!" Seriously?
A Vicarage Reunion by Kate Hewitt
Kate Blew it with this one - it makes three strikes for me with her. "Grappling with a recent loss, Esther leaves her stoic husband and moves in with her parents." Way to go, Esther! Ditch the guy right when he's at his most vulnerable. "But just as she begins to navigate her new, single life, Will shows up on her doorstep - prepared to do anything to win her back." Of course he is, because god forbid the Biblically named Esther will manage life on her own without some guy to rescue her. I wonder if anyone's told God's Will what a cold bitch his fantasy girl has become over the years? And he's trying to win her back? What went wrong the first time?
Plantation Shudders by Ellen Byron
This is no work of Byron! "When Maggie returns to her family's Louisiana bed-and-breakfast, she must find out who killed two of the guests before she goes to jail for the crime." Nope. It doesn't work like that lady Byron. The prosecutors have to prove you guilty. You don't have to prove you're innocent. Yawn. And 'Plantation Shudders'? Really? No. Just no.
Run Rose Run by Dolly Parton, James Patterson
So in the news on CNN's website yesterday was a story about Dolly Parton writing her own novel - which is fake news in my opinion, since she's working with James Patterson. To me, this means he's the one actually doing the writing, and presumably picking Dolly's brains as he goes. Of course he's going to get more sales if the fiction is that Dolly is writing it.
I don't know for sure: that's just a guess. Who knows, maybe she's teaching him a thing or two about writing. The novel is about a young woman who moves to Nashville to follow her dream of becoming a musician, so there's nothing original there at all. It's not even a stretch! There's some hint about her dark past following her, but again, nothing new there either. This plot has been done to death already.
The real fiction here is that the article claims that Patterson, who I don't like as an author, is America's number one bestselling author. What they're basing that on isn't revealed, but every news outlet is parroting it. Investigative journalism is dead, because that honor surely goes to someone like Danielle Steel or Harold Robbins in terms of total book sales? Patterson comes way down the list below them. I guess it's possible they're talking recent sales, in which case Patterson may be higher up the list, but it's still dishonest, because then you have to figure in people like Dean Koontz and Stephen King who are still currently writing and selling novels and have higher sales than Patterson, so whence the 'number one bestselling'? It sounds like numnber two to me.
Doubtlessly this novel will be a bestseller because of the big names involved, but I sure have no intention of ever reading it. It's another unoriginal and unimaginative yawner.
Paradise Crime Mysteries: Books 1-3 by Toby Neal
We're told this is from a USA Today bestselling author who is "persistently riveting" according to the illiterate fucks at Kirkus Reviews. Persistently riveting? Really? Is that a thing? As opposed to what? On-and-off riveting? Part-time riveting? Occasionally riveting? The story is "As bodies wash up on beaches and people vanish without a trace, Lei Texeira must track down killers who lurk in paradise." Yeah good luck with that. This is purportedly, "An unputdownable collection of reads set in Hawaii," but I'll pass. I'm really looking for something that's every other day riveting. This persistent riveting is really only half-gripping.
Changing Lines by RJ Scott, VL Locey
It took two to come up with this work of genius! "When hockey wunderkind Tennant Rowe meets his new coach, he knows he's in trouble. Jared Madsen is nine years older than Tennant, impossibly attractive, and - worst of all - his brother's off-limits best friend. Is their chemistry worth the risk?" What risk? Dumbass authors need to get over this brother's best friend is off-limits horseshit. That's not a thing. It sure as hell isn't rule. No, the problem here is that Jared is an authority figure in a positon of power over Tennant and that's the problem these idiots are missing. Barf. And Tennant Rowe, really? What is he - a rental?
Gauntlet Fall by Maddy Edwards
"Determined to find her missing brother, Samantha leaves her isolated village behind and disguises herself as a boy to attend the Harknell School, where she'll train to become a Gauntlet Runner." How original. One question: WTF is a gauntlet runner? They deliver gloves during a Covid lockdown?
The Empire of Gold by SA Chakraborty
"After Daevabad is brutally conquered and stripped of its magic, healer Nahri and exiled prince Ali must find a way to save their city." Prince Ali? Really? That's the most original name this author can come up with? But take it from me, Ali, if you were so dumb that you let your city get conquered - and you had magic??? - you're way too late to do anything about it. Go be a cliché, dude. It's what you were made for.
A Man of Shadows by Jeff Noon
"John Nyquist searches for a missing girl in a city divided into one district of permanent daylight and another of endless night." In a novel written by a guy named Jeff Noon? Really? Can you say Alex Proyas - Dark City?
Dear Emmie Blue by Lia Louis
"When Emmie learns that her best friend, Lucas, is planning on marrying someone else, her life is turned upside down." Yep, that's what kind of a dumb fuck Emmie is: so self-absorbed that she doesn't have a clue what her supposed best friend is up to. And Jodi Picoult apparently found this "Delightful"? That tells me all I need to know about her writing, too.
Chance Encounters: The Collection by L Moone
"When total strangers experience a night of erotic bliss together, is love at first sight doomed to fade - or will their desire fuel a life-changing passion? A red-hot collection of romances!" The only thing red hot here is the burning in their sex organs due to the infections these assholes inevitably picked up from having unprotected sex with complete strangers. yawn.
Rise of the Sparrows by Sarina Langer
Read indifferently by Leanne Yau, this audiobook started out quite engagingly, but proved to be such a plodding story after reading a little further into it that I DNF'd it after chapter 25, which was about halfway through. I had thought I'd make it to the end and give it a positive review, but the problem was that the story was slow, and main character Rachel's constant and repetitive dissection of events became thoroughly tedious and irritating in short order. I really began to dislike her and the inevitable an unoriginal male interest, named ridiculously, Kale. The predictability of the story on top of Rachel's stupidity was a big negative for me, too.
Set in a fantasy medieval world where there are X-men...um mutant children...who have unlikely powers, such as the usual sketchy ability to see the future, fire coming from someone's hands, and so on, was not something I would reject the novel out of hand for, but how an author handles these things is important and clearly this author had no intention of offering any sort of an explanation for the powers. Additionally, the disgust and rejection of such mutant children by the villagers was predictable, but a likely consequence, especially back in such superstitious times.
The problem here was that the complete lack of anyone who might have been even slightly sympathetic was far too much of an extreme, but it's what authors predictably do in such stories and it's inauthentic. I mean there were so many of these 'mutant' children that it was hard to believe they were so universally rejected. It's like everyone is the same and there are no gray areas, and I'm so tired of that trope - and of authors who are so lacking in imagination that they cannot make it a bit more realistic.
Talking of which, I had to wonder who these stories were aimed at because it read like middle grade, Rachael being barely high-school age, and Cephy, the younger mutant she took up with, about ten years old, yet the story was discussing torture and rape and so on, as though this were a young adult or new adult novel. Anyway, the plot has it that the two girls are not welcome in the city because of Cephy's wanton destruction of her entire family in a burning incident when she got pissed off, and form which semes seems to ahve suffered no negative consequences whatseover. So they escape into the nearby forest, pursued by the White Guard, sent by King Eric and these guys are so caricatured that they could be cartoon characters. Cephy also burns those dudes to a crisp.
They're taken in by a witch who seems welcoming, but who you know from the start has her own agenda and it's not favorable to the kids. Unaccountably this witch hands them over to 'heroic guy' Kale for no apparent reason, and this is supposedly the good guy, yet he creeps around scaring Rachael without any rationale for his behavior at all. He's the trope creepy love interest who is always there as though he's stalking Rachael, yet while she agonizes over every possible threat to her and Cephy, she never once thinks there's anything wrong with his behavior. Go figure.
One major problem with Rachael is that she has supposedly lived on the streets of the city for most of her years, yet she seems dumb as a brick at times with no street smarts whatsoever, and her so-called visions of the future are the usual clichéd half-assed vague 'seeings' that really tell her nothing useful at all and are essentially no better than a hunch. She claims at one point not to rely on them, and at another how reliable they are so again, go figure!
I realize of course I'm not of the youthful age range this story is aimed at (whatever that is), but for my own perspective, I had no interest in finishing this, let alone reading a whole series of this nature, so I cannot commend it based on my experience of it. The acronym for the title is RotS, and that's how it went for me I'm sorry to report.
Wednesday, August 11, 2021
Closely Harbored Secrets by Bree Baker
"On the island of Charm, North Carolina, Everly Swan serves up iced tea and desserts at the Seaside Café. But when a haunted historic walking tour ends in murder, Everly takes a break from the tea shop to hunt for a killer!" Why? Are there no police? This couldn't be any more cozy if it tried - the island of Charm? Really? Everyly Swan? Really? Barf.
Kingdom of Ash and Briars by Hannah West
"When 16-year-old kitchen maid Bristal learns she's a powerful, immortal sorcerer, she's drawn into an epic clash of good versus evil!" She's am immortal sorcerer and didn't know it? And this woman's name is 'Bristal'? Seriously? In Cockney rhyming slang, Bristols are breasts - from Bristol city - titty. Any novel with a title like this one is guaranteed to be exactyl like all other novels with titles like this. Avoid them like the plague because the authors haven't got an original idea in their brains - obviously, otherwise they'd be writing about that idea instead cloning the work of scores of other unimaginative authors who've gone before them.
Cause to Kill by Blake Pierce
Leine Basso Thrillers: Volume 1 by DV Berkom
"Former assassin Leine Basso wants a fresh start away from the dangerous world of crime, but fate has other plans." Want to take a guess at how many times this exact same story has been written? I don't because I'd inevitably estimate way too low.
Still Water by Amy Stuart
"Women seek refuge in High River - but when a mother and her son disappear, Clare O'Dey's search unveils layers of deception. Can she find the truth in a town full of secrets?" Nope. She will fail and the story will have no resolution and no ending! Yeah right. Why even ask? Does the author think we're stupid? Or is it the publisher? Or just the idiot who wrote the book blurb? Any which way I don't want a novel that advertizes itself with the bald (and I have to say utterly inaccurate) assumption that I'm a dumb-ass.
You Were There Too by Colleen Oakley
"Mia has recurring dreams about a mysterious stranger - and when she moves to a small town, they meet." What a shock! I never expected that! Yawn.
Wonderstruck by Allie Therin
"When a powerful supernatural force threatens Manhattan, Arthur and Rory set off on a mission to save humanity. As they journey to Paris to destroy an ancient magic relic before it falls into the wrong hands, their love will be tested like never before." I doubt it, but they made a smart move: Manhattan threatened? Move to Paris! Sounds like a plan.
The Vampire Diaries: The Awakening by LJ Smith
"First in a New York Times bestselling series that inspired the hit TV show The Vampire Diaries!" I'm so glad they corrected me on that. I thought it had spawned the long-running oil tycoon series, Dallas! But there's nothing new here: it's the same cliché and the same trope and the same tedious cookie-cutter characters and vampiric bulshit. "Elena falls for Stefan, the mysterious new guy in school" So, nothign new here. "...but soon discovers that he’s a vampire on the run from his dangerous brother, Damon." Like I said, not a fucking thing new here. No wonder the author's reduced to trying to unload it for two bucks a pop in a discount book flyer. Yawn.
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