"Archaeology professor Olivia has gone to great lengths to hide her identity as a werewolf." which is why she's published this first person dilogy (duology is not a thing and if an author doesn't know that, she's not worth reading) to continue to maintain her secret. What a bunch of wolfshit!
Tuesday, October 12, 2021
One of Ours Willa Cather
"Young idealist Claude has his future ready-made, but despite the dangers of influenza and the rising fervor of World War I, he decides to enlist in the army. Can he find a purpose for himself?" Who gives a shit? Anyone? Bueller? You know the flu really didn't take off until after the US entered the war a year prior, but Willa apparently didn't. This novel ought to have been titled Willa Flu Over the Cather's Nest.
Snuff by Terry Pratchett
"Sam Vimes, commander of the City Watch, is finally taking a well-deserved vacation. But before he can relax, he’s caught up in a mystery fraught with magic, murder, and mayhem!" So, in short, this is just another cookie-cutter 'guy comes out of retirement 'cos he's the only motherfucker on planet Earth (or wherever) who can fix it'. What's the protagonist's name? Donald Trump? LOL! Kiss my ass. Pratchett's long dead. He's not going to get a red cent from this, but maybe his wife and daughter will benefit from the sale.
The Scrying Game by Christine Zane Thomas
"When psychic Willow Brown inherits her late great-aunt’s home, she returns to small-town Mossy Pointe — where she discovers the spirit of her Aunt Cora in the body of a cat!" Fuck me backwards. Seriously? Are you sure your middle name isn't inzane? No. Just no. never. Not ever.
Cold Hearted Bastard by Jennifer Dawson
"Arrogant Jackson and feisty Gwen are both used to getting what they want" sounds like a pair of spoiled kids ot me. "...and when these two forces of nature" hardly. "...collide, their explosive sexual tension erupts into a sexy battle of wills!" Oh look - an antagonistic couple eventually fall in lust. How original! I never heard that plot before - except for the thousand times I have. And one of them is called Jackson. Yawn. Jackson means son of Jack: the most tiresomely over-used name in literary history. This tells me that this author doesn't have an original writing bone in her body.
Agent Nora Wexler Mysteries: Books 1–3 by Jason Letts
"When tech-savvy agent Nora Wexler joins the FBI," Wait, she's an agent before she joins the FBI? An agent of what? Trope? "...she teams up with military veteran Travis Greer...." Of course she does because a woman is useless without a guy to lend her value. Barf. This crap has been done to death. There's not a thing new here at all.
The Sisters Brothers by Patrick deWitt
"Hired guns Charlie and Eli Sisters set off to catch a prospector," So they're going to murder him because he's a prospector? Does that mean he has no prospects? That sounds half-witted at best. Yawn.
Sweet Magnolias Feels Like Family by Sherryl Woods
Anything with the word 'magnolia' in the title is a definite no. This one is just stupid: "At 42, career woman Helen is finally ready to start a family" Finally ready? The very fact that she's put her career first tells me she's half-hearted about a family at best, and she apparently doesn't even have a partner! Not that she needs one by any means, but the fact that she's left it so late and has nothing in the way of a plan really mitigates against the assertion that she's a successful business woman. The two facets of her life would seem incompatible. And it's a real question mark against her commitment to this. The odds are against any woman trying to start a family in her forties: less than fifty percent. This tells me Helen is an idiot who didn't think this through. It doesn't mean she can't get pregnant by any means; very many women do, but having read this blurb, I have no interest in following this woman's story at all. She's not someone I feel compelled to care about.
The Earthborn Box Set Books 1–3 by Adair Hart
"Intergalactic bounty hunter Blake Brown is ready for a vacation when he gets an offer he can’t refuse" Vito Corleone wants him to find a place for his nephew in the Galactovision Song Contest. This is yet another tedious retelling of the dedicated guy who comes out of retirement, or in this case abandons his vacation plans, to set the world to rights. Yawn. Must everyone travel this worn-out, old, retreaded road? Could the guy not have been looking for work? Or about to accept another job, but gives that up for this one? Must this be a cookie-cutter clone of scores of other stories that tell the same tired tale? Apparently this author has no imaginaiton and no sense of adventure, so why should I read this? Why doesn't he Adair to be different?
Fate Bound by Madeline Freeman
"When Ava survives a deadly attack, she wakes up as both a werewolf and a vampire - but the supernatural community hates hybrids. Can Ava’s alpha, Jack, find a way to keep her safe?" Jack? Seriously? You'd think with a name like 'Freeman' this author would want to free herself from cloning and cliché, but evidently not. She goes right with the most overused "action man" name ever employed in the history of novels. Barf. I'm not a fan of vampire-werewolf (they're pretty much always paired, aren't they?) stories myself, but this one defintiely has gone to the dogs. In fact, it's barking mad. Don't worry, I'll send a bouquet of lupins to its funeral. In a bunch....
Monday, October 11, 2021
The Raja’s Lost Treasure by Garrett Drake
"In 1922, intelligence officer Richard Halliburton sets out on a perilous quest across India to beat an elite German unit to a secret treasure" What elite German unit? It's 19-fucking-22! Germany was falling apart. "...but can he survive the danger that lurks around every corner?" I hope not, because: colonialism? Barf.
Blackbird by Michael Fiegel
"Edison, a remorseless hit man, decides to take mercy on a young girl named Christian" because all remorseless hit-men do that. "...and launches her into a twisted new life as a killer’s apprentice." Can anyone say The Professional redux? Yawn.
The Pretend Billionaire Groom Box Set by Sierra Rose
"Rose needs a husband before her next birthday" Why? "...so she calls on her childhood best friend, Tommy — but the red-hot chemistry between her and his billionaire brother, Dylan, sparks a change of plans." Of course it does, because he's a billionaire and her legs open like a piggy bank. Who gives a shit about Tommy? Barf. Another piece of crap story, and not even a box to poop-scoop it into.... And Sierra Rose? Really? Is that even a real name? It's getting hard to tell these days with so many fakers out there.
Sugar and Ice by Aven Ellis / Faite Falling by Mary E Twomey / Considering Kate by Nora Roberts
Here's a trifecta for ya: In "Sugar and Ice" by Aven Ellis, "After a breakup, recipe tester Josephine decides to focus her attention on baking — until hockey player Cade comes to her rescue during an oven emergency. Can she have her cake and eat it too in this delicious rom-com?" Is there any fucking doubt? Or does the blurb writer think all readers are imbeciles? And do we need yet another maiden in distress being rescued from a fiery dragon by St George...er a hockey player? No. Just no!
ANDIn "Faite Falling Series: Books 1–3" by Mary E Twomey, "When the charm that was concealing her identity falls away, Rosie is thrust into an unfamiliar world of magic. To escape the evil queen, she teams up with Bastien — but he has his own agenda." Of course he does. He wants in her pants. But they won't fit! LOL! How is this story really any different from the mystery story above? Answer: It isn't! They're the same fucking story. Yawn.
ANDIn "Considering Kate" by Nora Roberts"Kate follows her dream of turning a dilapidated old building into her own business — only to forge a surprising connection with the contractor she hires, a single dad named Brody" That surprises no one but the book blurb writer. How is this any different from either of the two above? it isn't. Tedious, cookie-cutter clone horseshit. Yawn.
The Butler by Danielle Steel
"Following his father’s death, Joachim moves to Europe with his mother and begins working as a butler in some of the stateliest English homes. But a stint with a new employer will force Joachim to confront his family’s dark past." Of course it will because how could he ever hope to get away with it? An "American" butling in Britain? Unless, of course, it's in an "American" novel which cannot be published - by act of Congress - when set in a foregn country, unless there's at least one "American" in the book. It's the rules. Yawn.
Slayground by Richard Stark
Unoriginal title, boring plot, and Lawrence Block apparebrtly saud of this: "These are the books you’ll want on that desert island." That tells me I need never read anyhtign he;s written. Here;s the dumb plot: "Trapped in an abandoned amusement park and outnumbered by a group of criminals looking to steal his loot, Parker must pull out all the stops to stay alive." Why do I care about another tedious shoot 'em up in a neverending line of tedious shoot 'em ups? We are not amused.
Euphoria by Lily King
"...a breathtaking novel about three young anthropologists of the '30's caught in a passionate love triangle that threatens their bonds, their careers, and, ultimately, their lives." So three anthroplogists who don't have a clue about humans. I'm sure it's charming. Barf.
The Royal We by Heather Cocks, Jessica Morgan / Royally Screwed by Emma Chase
The Royal We by Heather Cocks, Jessica Morgan
"When she arrives at Oxford, American undergraduate Bex Porter finds herself falling for the dreamboat who lives across the hall. But Nick Lyons has more on his plate than simply passing his classes — he’s next in line for the British throne!" Ri-ight! Because that's how it works! And there's no way in hell she'd recognize the next in line to the British throne because Bex is a moron! Bex, really? Is she heiress to the floor sweeper empire? And hell no you can't tell a story abroad without having at least one "American" in it. That's treasonous! And who would read it anyway? Barf. One more in a tediously long line of cookie-cutter, "Hey I gotst me a prince!" uninventive shallow bullshit fiction.
Exclusive: The sequel is called "The Royal Wee-Wee" as the now happily-married couple late potty-train their baby....
AND
Royally Screwed by Emma Chase
"Prince Nicholas is used to getting what he wants — but when he’s in need of a wife, can this arrogant royal capture the heart of independent Olivia?"
How are these tow any different? The price's name is even the same. Geeze how unimaginative these authros are. Yawn.
Butcher Pen Road by Kris Lackey
"When a young boy discovers a body in an Oklahoma creek, county deputy Hannah Bond and Chickasaw Lighthorse Police Sergeant Bill Maytubby investigate — but everything about the crime scene is wrong." So they re-arrange it to make it look pretty? No? So they abduct the boy to Guantanamo and torture him until he confesses? No? So they say, "The hell with it, let's go get a beer?" There you go! I knew I'd figure it out in the end because there really isn't anything new here.
Run Away with Me by Daniel Hurst
"Happily married Laura is heavily pregnant when her husband, Adam, rushes home and shares some news… He’s done a bad thing. The police are on their way. And they need to leave — right now." So she tells him to fuck off and lives happily ever after while he rots in jail. End of sotry. Because this shitty plot sure as hell is going nowhere. Go on the run when your wife is about due? Waght kind fo a jerk does that? And what kind of a moron thinks he can honestly get away with it?
Under Siege by Stephen Coonts
"Pentagon staffer Jake Grafton races to keep bloodthirsty narco-terrorists from destroying the nation’s capital." Yawn. Nothing new here. But my question is: where are the police? For that matter, where is the FBI? Where is the CIA? Where is the OCDETF? Why is it some Petangon staffer doing this? Or is the guy just an asshole? And why not pick an original title? I can tell from this alone that I'll never need to consider reading anything by this author!
The Plastic Magician by Charlie N Holmberg
"When American Alvie arrives in London to become a magician’s apprentice, she embarks on an enchanted adventure." Of course she does, because if there's no "American" in the story, it's shit, period! That's constitutional law, right there. Gods forbid we have a novel set somewhere other than the USA which doesn't feature at least one "American" in it. Yuk, what a horrible prospect that would be.
Solitude by Dean M Cole
"From an author of 'vibrant prose' according to Multi-Platitude's Failing Kirkus! The quote was from a review for another novel, not this one, so it's misleading at best, but that's a book blurb for you. Here's the dumb plot: "Army Captain Vaughn Singleton is the last man on Earth - and when he discovers that another human, Commander Angela Brown, is barely surviving at the International Space Station, he’ll begin a race against time to make it to space and back before it’s too late." Yep. That's how desperate he is to have sex one last time. God bless him, every sperm! It's right there in the name: Singleton. They don't call it Space XXX for nothing!
So - another story about the rugged and chivalrous St George saving the maiden from the dragon. Way to go. How are those cookie cutters holding up? Still sharp? Good to know. We can expect more of the same then can we? That's just great. The author appears not to know that the ISS has a return capsule on standby at all times in case of emergencies, so the crew can escape, and those capsules can land on the ground - they do not have to 'splash down." What would be really funny is if Singleton goes up there to "rescue" the poor incompetent maiden, and she escapes and comes down to Earth, and they keep doing this throughout the novel due to poor communications....
Hostile Witness by Rebecca Forster
"When a teenager is accused of murdering her stepgrandfather, attorney Josie Baylor-Bates agrees to defend the girl. But her investigation will reveal a terrible truth that could rip the family apart" The family is already ripped apart, dipshit! Gramps was raping her and that's the entire story. Nothing new here at all.
Isle of Palms by Dorothea Benton Frank
So Dorothea's Bent on Frank huh? I knew it all along! Anyway, "When Anna returns home to South Carolina, she must confront the secrets of her dysfunctional family." That's why she's depicted on the cover obviously contemplating drowning herself. But rest assured some guy will rescue her. How many times has this dysfunctional family trope been trotted out? An ocean of times, That's how many. Yawn.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)