This really ought to be retitled "A Cornish Summer" because there's nothing new here. "When Flora’s former mother-in-law invites her on a Cornish getaway, can she survive the unexpected appearance of her ex-husband and his new wife?" Who cares? Really?
Wednesday, October 13, 2021
Tuesday, October 12, 2021
That Time in Paris by Logan Ryles
"While the CIA works to undermine a devastating terrorist plot, Russia unknowingly sends its own team of assassins… and countless people could die if elite spy Wolfgang Pierce" Wolfgang Pierce? really? That's a definite no right there.
Over the Top by Rebecca Zanetti
That's a great title for a ridiculous story like this. "Dawn has always had a crush on Hawk, her brother’s swoon-worthy best friend." Hawk? seriously? Why not call her 'Dove' since she's so lonesome? According to the cover, there's so much heat rising off this dude's body that he has to hold his hat down lest it take flight like a hot air balloon. Yep - the story is full of hot air too, more than likely.
Until We Break by Cynthia Dane, Hildred Billings
"As Stefani Valetti runs her family’s picturesque Oregon winery, she longs for companionship — so she turns to an international service to find a bride." This might not have been so bad except for that godawful title which just screams no.
The Ariane Trilogy The Complete Box Set by Michelle Dare
Because you can never ever ever have enough werewolf stories. "Ari finds comfort in her favorite fantasy novels — but she’ll soon learn they’re all true! When wolf shifter Orion steps off the page and into Ari’s life, she becomes part of the Avynwood Pack" Orion? Really? And she's a part of the pack whether she likes it or not? Another controlling alpha male bullshit story written by a woman about a subjugated woman. Why? Maybe I should blame the readers, because if no one bought this shit, surely authors would stop writing it, wouldn't they? Maybe not. It's like an addiction, I suspect, and these turkeys won't grow cold. Spoiler: there's no box. Really.
The Crown Jewels Boxed Set by Melanie Summers
"Bridget Jones meets The Princess Diaries" That's me out right there. If the blurb pretends that you, as an author, are really someone else, or worse, a mashup of two other people, well, that's an insult, not a recommendation. It tells me nothing about this novel because I haven't read either of those other series. What I want to know is what's in this book, not what's in other books, and if you're too fricking lazy as a blurb writer to actually write a decent description, instead substituting some shit you know about under the arrogant assumption that all potential readers will automatically know this too, then you're not telling me about the book - you're telling me instead that you're an asshole, and need to find work in some institution that welcomes assholes, such as the Republican party. We're done here.
Elemental by Whitney Hill
"Fans of Kim Harrison will enjoy this spellbinding paranormal series starter, set in North Carolina!" Who the fuck is Kim Harrison, and why is it important that you mention it's set in N Carolina? "Private investigator Arden Finch practices forbidden magic ..." Now if her name was Ellie Menthol, I'd definitely be interested, but Arden Finch? Seriously? We're done here.
The Accidental Alchemist by Gigi Pandian
"As alchemist Zoe unpacks in her new home, she discovers a living gargoyle in her luggage." That's all we need - yet another cute Disney pet in a story, because that's never been done before (notably in Sapphire Blue By Kerstin Gier). I'll pass on this one. Yawn.
The Columbus Affair by Steve Berry
"A disgraced journalist is thrust into a deadly game after learning the secret history of Christopher Columbus — a conspiracy that could shatter the foundations of the US." Seriously? Fuck. This. Pretentious. Shit.
The Keepers of Metsan Valo by Wendy Webb
"After Anni’s grandmother passes away, her entire family reunites at Metsan Valo, the family home on Lake Superior." Of course they do because this is yet another tedious family gathering with dark revelations in a tired, retreaded plot that's been done to death already. Yawn
Lila Lou’s Little Library: A Gift From the Heart by Sejung Kim , Nikki Bergstresser
"Books are here, books are there, books are everywhere at bookworm Lila Lou’s house. When her mom tells her that she has too many, Lila Lou comes up with a plan to start a little neighborhood library." The saddest thing about this story is that the hardback is seventeen dollars. The ebook is two bucks. Hardly anyone is going to buy the hardback, which could have been loaned out in lila Lou's library. The ebook cannot. That hardback could also have been donated to Goodwill or someplace similar. The ebook cannot. The irony of this seems lost on this book's creators.
Snaggle Tooth by Pamela Fagan Hutchins
In yet another 'out or retirement and into the fray' cloned story, "Patrick Flint is looking forward to a weekend camping with his son and daughter — but when a plane crashes deep in the Wyoming mountains near their campsite, he races to the rescue." Abandoning his kids to the elements, because he's the only person on planet Earth who can save the day. Just call him Donald why don't you? And how is he going on a weekend camping trip, yet it's "deep in the Wyoming mountains." If he can get there for a weekend trip, rescue services can sure as hell get there faster than he can and they don't have to abandon their kids. Yet another dumb-ass, unimaginative cookie cutter plot. Yawn
A Death in the Family by James Agee
"After he learns that his father is having a medical emergency and drives off into the night, Jay Follet gets into a car accident. In the aftermath, his family struggles to process the tragedy. That's the story? The blurb isn't even literate. Is it the father having the medical emergency who drives off onto the night? LOL! That's what the blurb writer wrote. It's really not surprising. It's well known that publishers typically employ congenital idots to write these things. What a bunch of crap.
Jet by Ana Night / Earned Run by Haven Hadley
Jet by Ana Night
"Walker has long had a secret crush on his best friend, Jet. After they share a kiss, Jet is determined to prove that he’s serious about becoming more than just friends. But dangerous outside forces threaten to end their romance just as it’s getting started."
AND
Earned Run by Haven Hadley
"After pro baseball player Ayden and down-on-his-luck waiter Rome collide in a car accident, Ayden offers his place to Rome to recover. Together in close quarters, their chemistry ignites — but to have a future, Ayden must chip away at the walls around Rome’s heart."
How are these two stories, under the skin, any different at all? it;s the same warmed over dogs dinner. Yawn.
A Sinister Gift by Jacinthe Dessureault
After police social worker Elenora Bello becomes pregnant, she begins experiencing premonitions of future crimes - and she soon realizes that her strange new abilities are the key to solving a centuries-old Montréal murder. First in a series!" Of course it is. But what does it have to offer that's new? A psychic who can never get the clear impression that it was Colonel Mustard with the lead pipe in the conservatory. No. They never, ever, ever get that. It's always uselessly vague impressions tediously dragged out over the course of the novel. There is nothing more boring than that. And given that she gets her vague clues at a glacial pace, how is that any better than the usual police method? So what's new here? The baby? Yawn.
Knot My Type by Evie Mitchell
"When sexologist Frankie gets a call from a podcast listener in a bind, she seeks advice from gorgeous carpenter Jay — who’s all too eager to teach her the ropes in bed." Of course he is. he;s a guy. is this a sotry? No! Knot even close. Yawn.
Juliana by Vanda
This started out in first person which is irritating to me at best, but it started chapter one, set in 1941, and had a single paragraph talking about people waiting in line as fans of this actor, and the narrator says, "But wait; I'm getting ahead of myself. All that came much later." It switched to a new screen, started chapter one again and went into a flashback. I decided "No thanks!" right there and then, and I quit.
Something this badly written and with flashbacks and in first person is not for me. I can't commend it. I don't think this author understands the use of a charcter history. She seems to feel that she needs to include everything in the book instead of using it as background to round out the author's own understanding of the character. And the last thing I need is to start the first paragraph of a story I'm hoping to enjoy only to have it brought to a screeching halt while we travel even further back in time for a boring and tedious history lesson. No. Uh-uh. Not for me. I have better things to do with my time than to read a dithering story that has no sense of self, and no idea how to proceed.
Crazy For A Geek Girl by Nicolette Dane
I quit reading this as soon as I read "But because I’m kind of girly, a lot of people don’t see it." - What they don't see is that she's a lesbian. While I do share a preference for women, I'm not a lesbian and I cannot speak for them, but for me I found this offensive that the implication here is that lesbians can't be girly, which I know for a fact is entirely untrue. It's like the author expects us to accept that all lesbians are macho and butch, which is bullshit. I couldn't stand to read any firther beyidn that point. The story seemed obsessed with geekiness abd very ltitle else other thans ex, so once again there's no romance here, and no sensuality. I had the disastisfying feeling that this was going to be about falling in lust, not in love and that doesn't interest me.
Fingering Her Lesbian Boss by Conner Hayden
Okay, call me stupid. I definitely should have known from the title that this story was a non-starter, but I liked how baldly stated it was. I thought it might be an amusing story if it were written paradoxically sensitively when compared with the crudeness of the title, but it was far from that.
It was about a babysitter taking advantage of a drunk, straight woman coming home after a failed date. The babysitter is lesbian, and has had a crush on the older woman for a while. The story could have been wonderful, but it was written so inappropriately (even before the actual and ham-fisted sexual escapades began) and so badly, and it was all about sex with no romance and zero sensuality. It was also formatted very badly and overall was just a really awful story. I can't commend it except for the fact that it's very short, so it could have been a lot worse. Here's one sample that should tell you all you need to know about this non-story: "Stacey could see Mrs Conrad’s eyes glued to her little white knickers." Barf.
Stone Cold by AP Bateman
"Running from his past and the FBI, agent Rob Stone heads to the Alaskan wilderness to disappear." So another dumb-ass story making pathetic plays on the main character's ridiculously hard-bitten name? Barf.
Girl Gone Viral by Alisha Rai
I used to like NPR, but they apparently think this is "A page-turner you won’t put down" I disagree: it actually needs to be put down if the dumb-ass book description is anything to go by. "When someone live-tweets her coffee shop conversation with a stranger, Katrina finds herself thrust into the spotlight. And though the public is rooting for her to reconnect with the man, Katrina only has eyes for her bodyguard, Jas." WTAF? If she has a bodyguard, isn't she already in the spotlight? And WTF was the bodyguard doing that he didn't notice this invasion of her privacy? Fire his ass. And who gives a fuck about this stranger? And the authority figure in her life - the bodyguard - isn't considered an inappropriate relationship? This novel is so many kinds of wrong it's a dumpster fire. But nice play on "Gone Girl" with the title. Maybe that'll net you a few sales and everything will be A'Rai, A'Rai, A'Rai....
The Golden Spider by Anne Renwick
"Lady Amanda’s brilliant invention, a clockwork spider," In what way is that remotely brilliant? But when this is stolen, instead of saying who gives a shit, she's "forced to ally with a stubborn, grumpy scientist," How many times has this same shit been written already? Grump vs hottie falling in lust? Too many, that's for sure. Another purported steampunk cookie-cutter novel that's got nothing to do with the genre. Yawn.
Death in the Stacks by Jenn McKinlay
"When library director Lindsey discovers a dead body, it’s up to her to sort through the clues and book the real killer" because there are no police ever in any of these shitty, dumb-ass stories and even if there were, they're be fucking useless. Only a librarian can bring the villain to book.... Barf.
Murder on Cold Street by Sherry Thomas
"In Victorian London, Charlotte Holmes, Lady Sherlock" WTF? Lady Sherlock? Lady Sherlock? Horseshit! That is so many kinds of bad. What a rip-off!
Deadly Lies by Chris Collett
"Journalist Eddie Barham" Oh look! A journalist named Eddie. How original! "...is found dead with a syringe in his arm and an apparent suicide note… but DI Tom Mariner can’t accept the explanation when he discovers the deceased’s brother, who is autistic, hiding under the stairs." Isn't this pretty much the same plot of the Bruce Willis movie Mercury Rising? Yawn.
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