"First in a trilogy" Of course it is! "When Patrick is reunited with beautiful Maddie," Stop right there! The only distinguishing characteristic she has is beauty? What the fuck is wrong with female authors that they do this to their own gender so predictably? Barf. Could she not have been depicted as smart? Clever? Inventive? Successful? Having integrity? Industrious? Talented? Influential? Shit. So all he finds is "the spark of passion he’d been missing," and now we know how shallow he is! It was her beauty and no other quality which solved his problem. Yep! That's what a pretty girl is for: to solve a guy's problem! The blurb gets worse, believe it or not: "She might be fiercely independent, but he’s determined to explore their sizzling connection." So in short, no matter what she wants, what he wants counts more and it's all about sex. That's why I mean it from the heart when I say: fuck him and this style of horseshit-writing. Aleatha Romig should be thoroughly ashamed of herself.
Friday, September 24, 2021
Trophy by Steffen Jacobsen
"Two bone-chilling cases intertwine when PI Michael Sander and police investigator Lene Jensen discover a link between an unusual death — and a mysterious hunting club that favors human targets." The plot itself has been hunted to death. Publisher's Weekly Bullshit claims: "Stieg Larsson fans will find much to like." Excuse me but what the fuck does this have to do with Stieg Larsson? Or is Publisher's weekly claiming that all Scandinavians are the same?
Kill Me Once by Jon Osborne
Karin Slaughter thinks this is "genuinely original" despite this same plot having been done to death already. That tells me all I need to know about her as an author. The title of this tells me pretty much all I need to know about this novel, too! The tired plot is that "FBI Special Agent Dana Whitestone is tracking a serial killer who models his crimes off some of the most notorious in history." On the positive side, the title is appropriately stupid. Yawn.
Moving Target by Ross Kemp
"When an old friend lands in trouble, former Special Reconnaissance Regiment officer Nick Kane steps out of retirement and sets out to hunt down a relentless cartel leader." Not a thing new here. Coming out of retirement to solve a problem? Been done to death. Same old tired and retreaded title as well. Yawn.
Once Blessed, Thrice Cursed by Coralie Moss
A Coralie Moss gathers no tomes.... This sounded good on paper, but unfortunately I read it as an ebook and that's not so good! I liked the idea of three sisters. I am not a fan of shapeshifter stories, but I read a thoroughly entertaining novel about three wolverine shapeshifter sisters and it was funny and told a good story, but this one, which I had hoped might be similarly entertaining - although this is witches, not shifters - wasn't.
It began well and after I had a sorry encounter with the trope 'hot' demon guy which about made me barf, it seemed to resolve itself, and I thought, okay, let's move on. The story had some original takes on stuff and so was different enough to really appeal to me, and it had some interesting situations - although the magic was a little trope and oddly inexplicable at times. But lo and behold, the demon guy had two hot brothers, so three demons, one young, one middle, and one older, were sickeningly magical matches with the three sisters of the same relative age. The nauseating description of the main character's assigned demon about made me cry-heave, and that was it for me. It was far too high-school and YA and I was out of there.
Demons are problematical because it seems like writers have to make them either hot and studly, or foul and disgusting, and there's no middle ground. I don't get that approach to demon-writing. To parody Clypso in their song Middle Ground:
Create a demon and it make you throw up
Or the beast is written like Chris Hemsworth
The appeal runs straight to zero
No middle the ground, they don't write just so
Demon characters in general are only intriguing to me if they're not retreaded clichés or trope cloned characters. Having had to deal with it myself in Nature of the Beast, and looking at, somewhere down the road, at least one more story involving a demon, this is more than an academic interest for me. Demons came into Judaism (and thence to Christianity and Islam) from Zoroastrian religion, which itself seems to have drawn them from Hinduism, and although they don't appear in the Old Testament, they are rife in the New. At that point they're consistently evil, so a writer really needs to offer some sort of an explanation if their demons are good, and sadly, most have none to offer.
It's like they think, "Hey! I know! I'll toss a good demon into the mix!" Clunk. The problem with this is that not only are demons represented as evil in the Bible, so are witches (remember "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live"?). There's some minor dispute over what the writer of that passage in Exodus 22 actually meant by 'witch' - or rather by the ancient Hebrew word that was translated as witch, but it seems to have meant those who practice forms of magic. So if you're gong to have demons and they're bad, how can you have good witches? OTOH, if you can have good witches, then I guess you get to have good demons too, but please try to offer some sort of rationale for it rather than just put it out there as a fait accompli! So in short, I did not like how sadly trope the demons were in this story, and especially not the sparkly horns, and evne mroe especially with no attmept at any sort of justification or rationale. I just found the rendering of them laughable here, which was another turn-off.
Some editing was called for such as when I read, "I noticed the threads had become noticeably..." Really? But that was a minor issue. Overall though, and for the reasons detailed, I can't commend this, although I would consider reading something else by this author.
New Lease Of Love by Arizona Tape
This was a dual first person PoV that I quickly tired of. It was so larded with cliché, and it had one of the main characters smoking, which is a huge turn-off for me. I mean it was already failing for me before then, but I was prepared to read on for a while; all that did was completely burn it for me.
It wasn't only the first person (barf) that spoiled it, either, but first person from two perspectives which is barf squared. Whenever I read that, it reminds me of two suspects being grilled by police, in different interrogation rooms, and it doesn't work. Well, it works for the police if they can catch them in a contradiction or get one to sell out the other, but it doesn't work as a tired plot device in fiction. 1PoV is bad enough and is usually horrible to read, but two of them just makes it so much worse. It's rare to find a 1PoV done well, let alone a two, and this sure wasn't one. The premise was wonderful - a March-June relationship (as opposed to a May-December or worse, a January-December which is frankly perverse), between two women, but the execution killed it.
I read at one point, "...but she had a symmetrical face. The customers would appreciate that" which strictly speaking isn't true. People like faces that are close to the average face they're used to. As far as symmetry goes, a study in 1996 discovered that children and young adults found those with slight facial asymmetry to be more attractive. It's a minor point, but let's not get hung up on perfection. Perfect faces, according to another study, might not be the signifier of good health that our long history has misled us to believe!
The story was marred by poor writing here and there. On one occasion I read, "With a sigh, I shoved my phone back in my designer purse." Really? You have to specify designer purse? That felt so pretentious that it about made me gag. I cannot read books written like that. I can't even take them seriously. Later I read, "With a sigh, I ran a hand along my head." Along? I can see ‘over’ my head or ‘down’ my face, but along? That's just weird. In and of themselves, things like this are not that important, unless there are many of them. Everyone screws up. Every author misses a grammatical or spelling problem here and there, or writes an awkward phrase now and then, but these added on top of other issues just make a novel unreadable for me.
Overall, I found this story plodding, tediously metronomic, and I did not like either character at all, so this was a DNF for sure. I can't commend it based on what I read.
Bitter Alpine by Mary Daheim
"When a murder occurs in the snowy mountain town of Alpine, Emma Lord, who runs Alpine's newspaper, investigates - with help from her sheriff husband and her receptionist." Excuse me? She investigates with the help of the sheriff? Isn't that ass-backwards? Shouldn't it be the frigging sheriff who investigates? WTF? Another dumbass story, but at least it doesn't have 'sleuth' in the blurb, so it has that. Yawn.
The Mostly Real McCoy by Julie Christianson
"Former kindergarten teacher Brooke needs a fresh start, far from her life in Los Angeles." Another female-authored chick running from something to a small town for safety and meeting the love of her life. At least she has the perfect name - brooks do run.... But seriously, how many times has this exact story been done to death now? "a temporary nanny gig in charming Apple Valley, Oregon, seems like the perfect idea." Wait, she was a teacher and now she's a temp nanny? And that seems perfect to her? Sounds like Brooke is a dumb-ass. "until she starts falling for single dad Mac" Daddy mac, really? "...and his pigtailed daughter, Daisy." Og tailed? Really? Daisy? really? Oh wait! I see what happens here. When Daisy comes of age Brooke plucks her from her miserable existence with brutal Mac, runs away with her, and they live happily ever after in a May-December relationship in Cider City, Oregon where they open the avant garde Daisybrook fashion house. Got it! Great idea for an original story. Yawn.
Lost Soul by Adam Wright
"First in a series" No shit! Yawn. "Paranormal detective Alec Harbinger" Stop right there. Another dumbass character name. Barf. I don't need to read anymore to know this is a non-starter.
Black Amaranth by Sasha Hibbs
"After her high school graduation, Ally arrives home to find her uncle in a deadly battle against a powerful monster!" Yeah, his penis got out of control again. This is why Ally's mom left them. "With her life turned upside down, she" discovers she's actually in Australia and a kangaroo court finds her guilty of performing medical Hop-erations without a license. She runs away to a small town where she meets the love of her life among men who can actually control their respective and respectful penises...in interesting and very satisfying ways. Yawn.
Treasure of Darkness by SW Hubbard
"After losing everything she holds dear," all that she has left is cheap shots. "Audrey Nealon takes a job going through a cluttered home in hopes of finding a valuable historical artifact. Instead, she uncovers a series of explosive secrets that" blow up in her face, killing her. From the afterlife, she sees that a nearby radiator has gone nuclear, causing a chain reaction that destroys the entire planet. Boy is she glad she's not on Earth anymore! That's the spirit! Yawn. WTF is it with authors and explosive secrets?
Small Vices by Robert B Parker
"Private eye Spenser is hired to clear the name of a man accused of murdering a wealthy young woman enrolled at a ritzy college. Can Spenser stay alive long enough to uncover the truth?" Nope. While camping it up on campus, an unfortunate sexual experiment results in his carotid artery becoming trapped in a small vice suffocating him; hence the novel's title. And if Robert be Parker, then who the hell is Spenser?
The Family Gathering by Robyn Carr
"In the close-knit town of Sullivan's Crossing," Wait, I'm confused! Is this a cosy mystery about a bunch of knitting club "sleuths"? Never mind! "...four siblings gather for a family wedding - and find their bonds tested as" the Sullivans cross each other repeatedly, angering everyone until the entire town becomes embroiled in an almighty gun-battle leaving the whole population dead. Now that would be a cosy mystery! As for this? Meh.
Thursday, September 23, 2021
Bounty Hunter by Olivia Voorhees
This was Black Annis Origins, number 3, and was coincidentally the third of these that I've read. They're all really short stories, but I did not read them in any kind of order, and I'll read no more now, because they have been universally warty and have actually put me off reading the next novel in the series.
I liked the Black Annis story, but these prequels were a literal waste of my time. This one was particularly obnoxious because the bounty hunter was a thoroughly unlikeable self-centered jerk. The following quote should tell you all you need to know about her. To put it in context, the BH has a shootout with her quarry, and ends up decapitating the guy, taking his head with her in her car as proof of death, but the head contains a bomb. Rather than simply throw it out the car, this fucking moron ejects using a James Bond style ejector seat. She had a parachute in a wrist band (seriously?) so she comes to no harm, but here's what she says: “I shed a tiny tear as the Camaro burst into flames and crashed into oncoming traffic" In other words she doesn’t give a fuck about what happens to anyone else as long as she's safe. That's where I quit reading this.
The Summer Retreat by Sheila Roberts
"Reeling from a breakup, Celeste" catches this huge fish. 'It's all in the wrist action', she declares as she scales new heights. Oh, wait, no! She "...retreats to her sister’s beachside inn — where the quirky denizens of Moonlight Harbor" Stop right there. How many hundreds of times has this exact story been written already? Weak woman running home like a child, 'quirky' people? She inevitably finds the love of her life? This is pretty much exactly the same story this author already wrote in "Beachside Beginnings" which I also gave a non-review. Barf squared.
Maybe: The Complete Series by Ella Miles
"An explosive complete trilogy from a USA Today bestselling author" Explosive diarrhea more like, because goddess forbid an author should write a standalone when they can milk one story over three volumes! Barf. "To inherit her family fortune, Kinsley must agree to certain terms — including marrying a domineering stranger, Killian. But after their first meeting in Las Vegas, passion erupts!" Of course it does, because hell no to having a strong female character in a female-authored romance novel! Hell-to-the-no that we should have a story about a woman who rejects this offer and makes it on her own, which would be a far more engrossing story than this tedious, drawn-out, repetitive shit ever will be! Maybe the complete series. Maybe not! Who knows? Who cares, really? Hella miles on this tired old story.
Midnight by Melanie Gilbert
Bone-headedly brain-dead: "First in a series" Of course it is, because why fart out only one crappy novel if you can dump a shit-ton of diarrhea? "When Nova" Nova? Seriously? Nova? Why not just call her Special Snowflake? "stumbles into a war between a witch coven and a Fae clan," Another author too chickenshit to call 'em fairies. "...can her own Prince Charming help her survive" Another weak woman needing a man to validate her. Barf to the max.
Just One Year by Gayle Forman
"illem is determined to find Lulu," Yeah I know his name's Willem, but I like my version better. It's more accurate. "...the girl he connected with briefly in Paris." and was such a fucking asshole that he didn't try to stay with her then? Kiss his loser ass off! "But what does fate have in store for them?" Is that a serious question? It's a fucking romance! Oh look an unoriginal quote: "An alluring story that pushes beyond the realm of star-crossed romance" Star-crossed the most overused phrase ever in these books. That alone is sufficient to ditch this trash.
On the Ice by Amy Aislin
That's the best you got for a title?! "Pursuing his dream of becoming a professional hockey player," never seen that before in a gay romance. Yawn. "Mitch needs a tutor so he doesn’t fail a class and lose his scholarship." So Mitch is a dumbass. Got it. "But he wasn’t expecting it to be NHL defenseman Alex" Really? Everyone else was. He really is a dumbass. Yawn.
The Lie by Stella Gray
"When Emzee does a favor for her wealthy best friend, Ford," I'll bet she does. That's hardly stellar, Stella. "...she suddenly finds herself pretending to be his fiancée!" Just like that! Aw shucks! These things happen! Because that hasn't been done a gazillion times before in a cookie-cutter clone of a story that's beyond tedious and well into barf-worthy by now. "As their fake engagement heats up in public, their red-hot chemistry in private ignites a true passion… First in a series." No, it really isn't. It's one in an endless series of cloned stories. Barf.
School Spirits by Rachel Hawkins
"The youngest in a long line of monster slayers, Izzy Brannick is surprised when her mom moves their family to a new town." Why? If the monsters are all slain, it's surely time to move to fresh hunting grounds! Izzy is obviously a dumbass. "But Izzy’s high school has more secrets than she anticipated" Then she's the only one; everyone else fully expected this. Another reason to think she's a dumbass. This exact story has been done a bazillion times before. No wonder the retarded reviewers at Kirkus think its "original and funny".
Fire and Ice by JA Jance
"Arizona Sheriff Joanna Brady and Seattle detective JP Beaumont" aka The Big Bopper, from Richardson, Texas must team up." They meet at the Sheldon National Antelope Refuge, created by that guy from Big Bang Theory, and wonder why they're lost somewhere on the border of Oregon and Nevada when they ought to be in their respective states solving crime. "Their two homicide investigations intersect in a shocking way" when they discover that the fence surrounding the park is electrified and they spend the rest of their life reporting on current affairs for ABC - the Antelope Broadcasting Corporation..... Yawn.
Cave of Bones by Anne Hillerman
"Police officer Bernadette Manuelito investigates a missing person case on volcanic terrain, while Sergeant Jim Chee faces trouble after a man he imprisoned for domestic violence is released." Meanwhile his Korean half-sister Kim Chee, a victim of foreign violence takes out her frustrations on the last surviving volcano, rendering it extinct....
The Medusa Stone by Jack Du Brul
"When an American spy satellite crashes down in Eritrea, it reveals a legendary lost mine! Can geologist Philip Mercer survive an international web of danger and intrigue?" Nah. He was standing right under it when it came down. He's dead as a doornail. Meanwhile other dead doornails rise up and it becomes a zombie apocalypse of dead doornails. Resentful of being abused for so many years to describe dead folks, they rebel and rampage through city after city nailing victims relentlessly. Yawn. It needs to be retitled Doornail of the Dead....
Defiance by Jason Krumbine
"A century after an alien attack nearly destroyed the entire United Planetary Alliance, the enemy has returned. Isolated on the outer rim, daring Captain Mitchell and the crew of the USS Defiance are about to become the first line of defense." Why? The UPA have had a century to prepare for another alien attack and they're caught unawares? They have no AI defenses? No robot defenses? This author like so many other sci-fi authors (I'm looking at you David Weber) has simply not thought it through. Naturally you want a human element in your story, but that doesn't mean the story has to be brain-dead and reliant on the same thinking, and the same technology, we use today! Nor on the same unimaginative bullshit stories everyone else has already told at least twice.
Coconut Cowboy by Tim Dorsey
"From a New York Times bestselling author" I somehow doubt that! "Determined to recreate the classic film Easy Rider, serial killer Serge mounts a motorcycle and heads to Florida in pursuit of freedom and the American Dream!" Since when is serial-killing the American dream? This ought to be renamed "Plain Nuts Cowboy" What's Serge's first name? Covid? Barf.
Under the Harrow by Flynn Berry
Flynn Berry? Seriously? "Nora travels to the country to visit her sister - but finds her" sister has travelled to the city to visit her! They go back and forth like this for several weeks until one of them is killed by exhaustion. The other is beside herself so it's like no one died. Barf. Another cookie cutter murder non-mystery.
Night Is Darkest by Jayne Rylon
"After a tragedy, Lacey finds comfort in the arms of her brother's two best friends, Mason and Tyler - An 'irresistibly sexy' read" I'll resist. Mason and Tyler? These guys work in the building trade? Barf. I cannot argue with the title though. She got that right. Sign along with me: The night is dark, the day is light, together we learn to fuck all night, fuck all ni-i-ight...! This author seems to specialize in the dumbest stories imaginable.
The Given by Gary Clark/Thornfruit by Felicia Davin
The Given by Gary Clark "Teenage Jay has the power to read minds - but in her world, that ability is outlawed. When she finds herself targeted and on the run, she must unravel a mystery and unlock her true potential in order to find freedom." AND Thornfruit by Felicia Davin "Gifted with the ability to read minds, Alizhan operates as a thief of secrets. When she becomes the target of a deadly plot, she escapes the city, aided by quiet farm girl Ev - and the two grow closer as they uncover a sweeping conspiracy." I already reviewed Thornfruit negatively, having read at least part of the story, but my issue here is: how are these two stories really any different? It's essentially the same basic plot! There's nothing original here, and it's not worth my time. The amusing thing is that they were both literally side by side in a discount book flyer!
Tropic of Stupid by Tim Dorsey
"After Serge Storms..." Stop right there. Check please! I'm done here. The only stupid here is the main character's name. That's enough for me to know exactly how this plays out. Yawn.
Blood & Ash by Deborah Wilde
"This urban fantasy is an 'action-packed, perfectly paced paranormal romp' (Publishers Weekly starred review) that’s perfect for fans of Patricia Briggs!" Who the fuck is Patricia Briggs? "After she’s attacked while investigating a missing persons case, Vancouver PI Ashira Cohen discovers she has supernatural powers. Together with Levi," the jeans manufaturer...seriously? Levi? Because god forbid we should have a female character solve or fix anything without being led by a guy. Yawn.
Wednesday, September 22, 2021
Deep Fathom by James Rollins
"With the United States on the verge of nuclear apocalypse, former Navy SEAL Jack" stop ight ther ebcause I am flaloigna lseep already. Insanely apocalyptic claim, borign goto character named kjack? FUCK JACK! Get a new name for fuck's sake becaus eif all youc an do is continualyl retread the most over-used fuckign am,me in ficitonal hisotry then I am NEVER gign tor ead your shit. barf.
For the Wolf by Hannah Whitten
"Cursed with immense power, Red is destined to be sacrificed to the Wolf of the Wood - but if she refuses, the fate of the kingdom could be at stake." Why? Is the wolf a vampire? Stake - vampire, get it? Never mind.... On a more serious note, can anyone say 'Beauty and the Beast redux'? Yawn. Not impressed. That 'immense power' was a dead giveaway - that the story is dead.
Monday, September 20, 2021
By Earth by T Thorn Coyle
I read one book - or started it anyway, by this author and she's far too invested in her topic. That novel came off far more as preaching than story-telling. This one is billed as The Witches of Portland #1, and it's the inevitable start of the inevitable series because Selene forbid we should have any more standalone novels. Jeeze!
The plot is that ghosts are invading Portland Oregon - why that should be I have no idea. Maybe it's explained in the novel, but I have little faith in that. Here's the real problem though: "Cassie has trouble enough, and then Joe walks into the café." Joe is "Cute enough to be interesting," but he's also "haunted and doesn't know it. Haunted by a dead girlfriend who insists the city itself is in trouble." I can see exactly how this story will pan out right from there and it's boring. Even if it doesn't play out exactly as it seems like it will, it's still boring. There is nothing new here and it made no internal sense, either. I'm not buying this ghost story!
Wrapped in the Past by Chess Desalls
This was a weird story about a time traveler who takes his family on a trip back, purportedly, to the deserts of the Middle East where they meet the "three magi" following the star to Bethlehem. This is such a literal interpretation of the Biblical story and it's not even accurate, even if we pretend for a minute that the story was true. This legend appears only in the gospel of Matthew, which Matthew didn't write, and nowhere does it say there were three dudes.
There are three prized treasures mentioned, but that doesn't mean there were three magi each with one treasure. Nor is there any solid indication that they were literally following a bright star in the sky. It merely says that they saw his star in the east (not in the west, note!) and have come to bow before him. They could have been astrologers who looked at a chart saw some sort of a sign and headed out with no star visible in the sky whatsoever. The best guess is that (assuming there were real) they were Zoroastrian priests. Zoroastrianism, coming out of what's now Iran, has had a significant influence on the development of Christianity.
The thing about this story is: how did this family happen to light down in the very place where these dudes were traveling? The desert is not a small place and although there were trade routes, they were vague. There was no highway to follow. This family had no idea where they would be along the route, even assuming that they were following one. They didn't even know which year this took place nor at what time of year, so the improbabilities were rife. Add to that the morphing yacht turning into a camel and the convenient fact that the father has taken very little time to master the common languages of that place and period, it was too much. It would be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than to consider this to be realistic fiction.
Jenny Greenteeth by Aubrey Law
This is one a series of short stories that are presented as prequels to the Black Annis story by this author that I read and enjoyed a while back. They're free downloads, but they were really not very thrilling because first of all they didn't mean a whole heck of a lot to me. I don't recall any of these characters from the Black Annis story, although it's been a while and a few books since I read that. On top of that, the story is so short you can never really get into it.
One of the problems with this for me was the same problem I'd had with Black Annis in that there was a significant gross-out factor to it, and there's only so much disgusting description I can read without becoming truly tired of it. The problem here is that gross-out was all this particular story seemed to be! It went into some detail about Jenny Greenteeth's foul habits and depraved diet and her abominable abdominal activities, and it really lost me in the sense that my eyes were glazing over after a paragraph or two of that, and yet still it went on.
The story was about four wizards - who I didn't know and had zero investment in. Their fates were immaterial to me, so there was no excitement or engagement. Anyway, they set out into the swamp to take down Greenteeth, who apparently used to be married to that Bluetooth guy. Just kidding! Why they were after her, I do not know, other than that she was simply gross, maybe. The thing which strikes me about these 'magic' stories is that they are so dated in their philosophy.
I mean, Greenteeth lived "in a bloody swamp," as Michael Palin might describe it. She never left and only preyed upon those who entered, so all they had to do was fence it off, and the problem was solved. But they stalk in there, using old school magic, and get their noses bloodied eventually. Why not just conjure up a tactical nuke? Or a black hole to swallow her up? Their techniques seemed laughably quant.
So for a variety of reasons I can't commend this as a worthy read.
Rainbow Six by Tom Clancy
Way to trash a symbol of peace and love, Tom! Name a terrorist group after a rainbow. Or is the six referring to the SEAL team - who are all gay? Now that would be a story worth reading, but this, this is Tom's same old shtick. From "the wildly popular author of The Hunt for Red October" which was published three decades ago and this is the only recommendation the blurb can give him? This is because Tom Clancy isn't even in the top 100 American authors in terms of book sales, let alone world authors, so how is he 'wildly popular'? Lewis Carroll outsells Tom Clancy and he's been dead for over a century. "Navy SEAL veteran John Clark must take down a terrorist group with the power to annihilate the entire human race." Ri-ght! Yawn.
The Pardon by James Grippando
Grippando is a freaking awesome name to conjure with. I wish it had conjured something better. "A Miami defense attorney and his father, the governor of Florida, are forced to overcome their differences when a killer puts the lives of both men in jeopardy." Why? Does the governor and his family not have protection? Why is this an issue?
The Island by Mary Grand
"After years abroad," Does this mean she is a broad or that this is the roam-eo part of the story? "Juliet returns to the Isle of Wight" only to discover people of color now live there and it's been renamed the Isle of Diversity. No wonder her racist father is dying. But secretly, he's perfectly healthy and he is in fact, the "killer stalking the island" trying to wipe out the non-whites. Meanwhile Juiliet is at a complete loss. She doesn't know what to do and takes to roaming again - the streets, alone, at night, singing old Knack songs such as "My Verona" and "Good Girls Don't (But I Sleuth)." Barf.
All Together by Brill Harper
"Nerdy Penelope" as stereotypically exemplified by the eyeglasses on the cover, "has never even been kissed." Yeah, because she's hotter than hell, but those damned eyeglasses prevented anyone from seeing it until these two horny toads came along. Ri-ight! Way to slot people into trite pigeon holes. Barf. What is "Brill" short for just out of curiosity, or is it the full name? Or is her name actually Harper Brill and she switched it for effect, which would be pretty cool?
Zen Ties by Jon J Muth
Are zen ties at all like zip ties? "A giant panda named Stillwater uses Zen wisdom to teach his haiku-loving nephew about compassion and friendship." So a Chinese animal is teaching Buddhism and Japanese poetry to another Chinese animal? This sounds very confused. And confusing. I liked "Zen Ghosts" by this author, but I think he needs a new shtick.
Million Dollar Date by Susan Hatler
I have a soift spot for the name Susan, but I have to reject this one. "To save her local dog rescue, pet lover Abigail must convince police officer Cooper - her blind date turned enemy - to fund the charity. But as she spends time with her polar opposite, could she also end up wanting something else?" So she's willing to sell her body for cash? Isn't that prostitution? And where is a police officer going to come up with a million dollars? And why him? Is there no one else to ask? And if he's the sort of person who has to be convinced to help out animals, what the fuck is she doing with a jerk like that anyway? No. Just no.
Death by Cashmere by Sally Goldenbaum
Now if it were "Death in Kashmir" it might ave intrigued me, but this is evidently just another stupid yarn: "When a killer strikes too close to home in her Massachusetts seaside village, knitting shop owner and super sleuth Izzy Chambers is dead set on tracking down the culprit!" No, and no. And one more time: the hell no! A knitting shop owner? She's better at catching criminals than the police? Any novel that has the word 'sleuth' on the cover is an automatic rejection. And a knitting shop owner? Wolly thinking if I ever saw it.... Yawn.
Left to Run by Blake Pierce
I think this title's missing a 'nowhere'! "As FBI special agent Adele Sharp..." stop right there! A book written by Pierce has an FBI agent named sharp? No. Just no. How can a novel with such a trite character name be considered cutting edge? Jsut aksing! Yawn.
A Taste of Rosebridge Box Set by Harper Logan
"This collection transports you to the small town of Rosebridge, where three men discover their perfect matches" which is the worst thing that could have happened to them because all three were heavy smokers and now they had the perfect lighting tool, chain smoking became a real option. Long story short, they all died within minutes of each other one magical winter's night, happily smoking themselves to death. Santa died of a heart-attack upon seeing there was no fucking box with this set!
A Million Junes by Emily Henry
"From a New York Times bestselling author" - who ought to know better then! This is yet another in a long line of uninteresting Romeo and Juliet rip-offs. The title alone ought to steer anyone in their right mind away from this. "June and Saul were born into two opposing families with a legendary feud - but when they team up to unravel the magical truth behind the rift, it sparks a forbidden love" Barf.
Save Me a Seat by Sarah Weeks, Gita Varadarajan
Now I concede that 'Varadarajan' is an amazing name that would probably take Weeks to pronounce (see what I did there?), but I can't get with the blurb. "As Ravi struggles to find his place at his new school, he discovers an unlikely ally in Joe, the class bully’s other target." Thus is yet another novel that teaches kids that they're on their own, no adult, least of all a teacher, will help them. No wonder Monty Kirkus's Fly-ass Circus loved it.
Bones of Faerie by Janni Lee Simner
Here's the weird thing about this one. The blurb tells us: "Will appeal to readers of Holly Black and Cassandra Clare (Kirkus Reviews)" _ why do they have to quote Kirkus Reviews in saying who it will appear to? I know Kirkus doesn't remotely grasp the idea of a negative review, but what if this was that once-in-a-blue Moon negative review so all they could quote was that? That's truly pathetic, isn't it? Another reason to dislike this book. On top of that, it starts with "In a world" which turned me off. Do fairies even ahve bones? I thought they boasted exoskeletons? Anyway, it continues, "devastated by the war between humans and Faerie," The author is too chickenshit to call them fairies, so we have the return of the 'fae'. That's the death knell right there. Don't need to read another word to know I would hate this novel, although I do love the "Janni Lee" part of the author's name. That sounds pretty cool to me, and I did like her "Tiernay West, Professional Adventurer" but I cnalt get with one with a blurb like this.
The Jack Reacher Cases Box Set: Books 10–12 by Dan Ames
Another Jack Reach-Around fun-fester. Who really cares? Obviously not many, if this author has to unload three volumes for ninety-nine cents. Go look up the definition of 'market saturation' and see if that helps any....
The Other Wife by Claire McGowan
"Living in an isolated cottage with her controlling husband, Suzi is terrified that someone will discover the secret she guards. When Nora moves in next door," Wait, what? Wasn't the cottage isolated? How can there be a next door? LOL! That's how dumb this garbage is. "Suzi is delighted to have a friend — but her new neighbor seems to know more about Suzi than she should." That's because dumb-ass Suzi has been posting all her shit on F-book and other brain-dead online addictions.