"The Aldridge sisters are forced to live together in order to receive their late mother's inheritance - but danger soon descends on their old home." I care! Yet another tedious story in the genre of sisters or old friends getting together and an unnaturally happy ending. Yawn.
Friday, October 1, 2021
A Proposal to Die For by Vivian Conroy
"Lady Alkmene Callender is bored with London - until the suspicious death of a wealthy visitor!" So it takes murder to excite her. Got it. "Can Lady Alkmene and journalist Jake Dubois crack the case?" And it's their job why? But honestly, who cares if they can crack it or not?
Duskfall by Christopher Husberg
"When Knot is pulled half dead from the sea, he has no memory of his past." Those wet knots are really hard to undo. "As his elven wife, Winter, searches for him, can she learn to harness her own power?" Do we really care when the author tries to create an 'elven' world' but uses regular English words with a 'fey' twist and thinks they're somehow magical? I sure don't. And what the fuck does that title mean? Dusk...fall? Or was it disk fail and the words got scrambled?
Winter in Madrid by CJ Sansom
"After the Spanish Civil War, Harry Brett, a Dunkirk veteran turned British spy, finds himself entangled in a web of danger and intrigue." Okay someone is going to have to unpack this one for me. Since Dunkirk (1940) was after the Spanish civil war (1936-9), then why begin the description with 'after the Spanish Civil war? Does the author not know the one preceded the other? Or is it jsut that the book blurb writer is a moron? I'm confused, so a hard pass on this one.
Epic Fallacy Box Set: Books 1-3 by Michael James Ploof
"Though Murland dreams of being a great wizard, he's the joke of his wizarding school. His luck seems to change when he's chosen as a Champion of the Dragon, but the prophecy isn't what anyone expected." So, Harry Potter rip-off. O-kay. Yawn.
The Paris Wedding by Charlotte Nash
Booklist apparently claims this is: "Perfect for those seeking a romantic read with some bite" nit no. It;s perfect fpr readers who like an asshole for a main charcter. "Rachael is overjoyed when she’s offered a free trip to Paris. The only catch? She’ll have to attend her ex-boyfriend’s wedding while there." And so she goes like a little wind-up robot. Barf.
Keturah and Lord Death by Martine Leavitt
"When 16-year-old Keturah charms Lord Death with a love story, he grants her one day to find her own true love." At sixteen? So a retelling of 1001 nights. Yawn.
Monticello by Sally Cabot Gunning
"After five years abroad in France, Thomas Jefferson's eldest daughter, Martha, returns home to find herself troubled" but she mounts a cello, they make beautiful music together, and all is well - that is until she discovers the fact that the cello is just stringing her along...! Barf. We sure do need yet another ancestor-worship story about TJ and his clan don't we? Especially a whitewashing story about a woman who owned slaves, sold slaves, ill-treated slaves and tried to whitewash her father's indiscretions with slaves. This author should be ashamed of her own whitewashing, but somehow, when the author has that sort of a name, I'm really not surprised by her writing.
A Lady's Guide to Gossip and Murder by Dianne Freeman
All this authorls tiutles appear to be int he tedious format of "A Lady's Guide to _____ and Murder." Yawn. And they all appear to be as bad as each other: "While the rest of the ton retreats to the country, American-born Frances Wynn, the widowed Countess of Harleigh, decides to stay behind in London for some well-deserved quietude." Because heavens forbid we should ever have a story set in another country and have no Americans involved! involved. Barf. And everyone knows how much quieter it is in the crowded stinking city than in the pristine isolation of the countryside. "But when her friend is murdered, can Frances find the killer before it's too late?" Too late for what? To still find the killer? To buy a new dress? To be spoiled rotten? To be stay rich? Barf.
Divine Descendants: The Complete Series by Alicia Rades
After half-reading the execrably bad "Fire in Frost" by this author, and resenting the time I wasted on it, I was not suprrised by how mind-numbingly bad this plot is. "...angel Cora is attending the school of her dreams: a secret academy for supernatural beings. But in order to amplify her magic, she needs to combine forces with a demon - and she can't deny the power (and attraction) she feels when she's with Kellan" Seriously? This tired, retreaded, and threadbare plot is the best you got? Angel meets bad boy? Barf. And why, exactly, do these supernatural creatures have to attend school? This is the most ridiculous thing: it's essentially your retreaded tired high-school story, but with supernatural creatures, who behave exactly like human kids. Fuck. This. Tired. Shit.
Home Again by Kristin Hannah
"Cardiologist and single mother Madelaine hasn’t seen her daughter’s movie-star father in years — but when tragedy reunites them, can she face their difficult past?" Who gives a shit? And what the fuck does that cover - of two pairs of legs in shortened pants, standing on a beach - have to do with this story? The answer, in case you were wodnering, is fuckall. The whole thing is a disaster.
Friendly Fire by John Gilstrap
Tess Gerritsen (who I ahve heard of) claims this auhtor is "one of the finest thriller writers on the planet" which probably acocunts for why no one had heard of him Here we go: "Rescue expert Jonathan Grave...." Stop right there. This name is right up there alongside 'Stone', 'Steele', 'Cage', and what's that other one? Oh yes, 'Pierce' as a hard-bitten name. The fact that this is author Jeffery Deaver "favorite tough-guy hero" shoudl ell you all you need to know.
If I Disappear by Eliza Jane Brazier
Talking of dumb-ass titles, this one's a doozy. "When a beloved podcast host who tells stories of missing women disappears herself, loyal listener Sera Fleece investigates...." Sera? Fleece? Okay. Because some random listener is all over this while the police are, as per usual, worthless. Barf. And that title? Tediously pretentious.
After He Died by Michael J Malone
That Ian Rankin thinks this is "Vivid, visceral, and compulsive" tells me all I need to know about him, because this plot has been done to death already. "After 30 years of marriage, grief-stricken Paula Gadd is slipped a note at her husband’s funeral. What does its unsettling message mean — and how well did she really know her husband?" Another story about another dumb woman whose husband had a deep, dark, and dirty secret. Gads how many dumb-ass women are there out there? Because this happens all the time. In fiction. Yawn. And that title? barf.
Thursday, September 30, 2021
Beowulf by Andrew BF Carnabuci
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
This is a new translation of Beowulf - arguably the most translated Old English work out there. Dating - possibly - to around 1000AD, the time of Ethelred the Unreedy, and Cnut, this was ancient even in Shakespeare's time, and it tells a poetic (in what served for poetry at the time - not like modern stuff) tale of Beowulf (whose name gave the untitled work a title) and his three great battles against Grendel, Grendel's mom, and against the dragon.
It's really the story of a curse brought upon warriors for their philandering, because it turns out that Grendel is the child of King Hrothgar, and the dragon is the child of Beowulf himself, both of them the offpsring of their dalliance with Grendel's mom, whose real name is Lulabelle. Just kidding. She goes unnamed. In fact, as a female, she's lucky to get a mention since this is all about manly men, sterling feats, and lusty living.
You may be familiar with the story from that execrable 2007 CGI movie starring Angelina Jolie, Robin Wright-Penn, Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, and a gratuitus John Malkovich, which while loosely following the story, was so wrong on so many levels. Grendel's mom wears high heels? Really? I know it's a macho tale of not backing down, but literally nobody blinks? Really?
The real story does often meander away from the main action into tales of Beowulf's achievements, but this is how it was back then, a sort of merrily plodding, repetitive, alliterative story-telling which got there eventually by hitting all the career high-spots of this legendary man's man and his cadre of steely warriors. It also uses the phrase, 'lord of the rings'! I guess that's where Tolkien got it from.
The only issue I had with this was that the embedded links from the text to the glossary/reference section were a bit flaky in that if they were close to the edge of the screen a reader risked swiping the screen to the next or the previous one when tapping on the link, rather than going to the actual reference. The reference section and bibliography is extensive though, running to 25 screens on my iPad.
Also, I read my books on a black screen with white text to save on battery power and the dark-blue reference numbers were hard to read against the black screen. This wouldn't have mattered except that the reference you jump to is part of a list of them; it's not to a single reference, so I couldn't tell for sure which particular reference in the list I had jumped to, and therefore couldn't be sure, when I tapped back, that I'd end up exactly where I left! That made for a fun read. The content list was likewise hard to read for the same reason - and it had, as usual, the listed items too close together to tap confidently to jump to a particular chapter. Double spacing between lines would have helped considerably.
That aside though, I liked this translation and I commend it for anyone interested in this ancient tale, for all are punishéd, and never was a story of more dolor than this of Grendel and his Modor....
Monday, September 27, 2021
Charming Falls Apart by Angela Terry
"Allison’s perfect life crumbles when she’s fired and comes home to find her fiancé in bed with her maid of honor. Launching into a new life, can the self-help aisle and a meditation retreat in Costa Rica help her start over?" Who gives a fuck, really? This tired shtick has been done to death and her life can't be so fucking bad if she can afford to take time in Costa Rica, which is a beautiful, stable, independent nation in central America with a robust economy, an educated population, and a tourism industry that sees pretty much as many tourists over the course of a year as there are people actually living in Costa Rica! What does this idiot have to whine about?!
The Locust Point Mystery 3 Book Set: Books 1–3 by Libby Howard
"Senior sleuth Kay Carrera can see ghosts after her cataract surgery — and they all want her help!" Why? Could they not ask for it even though she could not see them? This story make no sense, but at least it doesn't claim to come with a box.
Pirate King by Laurie R King
"At Scotland Yard’s request, Mary Russell — Sherlock Holmes’s wife" Stop right there. The ficitonal Mary charcter is fifteen when she meets Sherlock who sixty at the time - and later they marry? This whole thing has an element of pedophilia about it, and that doesn't even get into the element of rip-off. I'm not one who thinks relationships with an older partner are disgusting, unnatural, or scandalous, but there are limits, and this would seem to blow right past those. Yuk. And Barf.
Sunday, September 26, 2021
Traitor by Amanda McCrina
"Fans of Code Name Verity will enjoy this." Barf. That lets me out! "In World War II-era Poland," because if there's one thing this world desperately needs it's yet another WW2 story. But wait - WW2 era What does that even mean? "17-year-old Tolya is faced with danger and betrayal after killing a Russian police officer." Then retitle it 'For Whom the Bell Tolya." Why not? Yawn.
Caster by Elsie Chapman
"In Aza's world," What's her last name? Kadabra? "...magic - known as casting" of course it is - so we can try to have a super cool new buzzword instead of the tried and tested ones that have gone before? Yawn. I already dislike this pretentious story. Now if Caster was drilled for oil, it might be amusing.
Screams from the Void by Anne Tibbets
Note the not-so-subtle play on the Alien movie catchphrase - In space, no one can hear you scream? "When a strange biological creature jumps aboard the space freighter Demeter, Raina and the crew must fight for their lives - and avoid turning on one another in the process." Can you say 'unimaginative Alien clone'? Yawn. And what is meant by 'biological creature' exactly? As opposed to what other sort of a creature? LOL! If it's artifical, call it a robot. Duhh!
Primary Command by Jack Mars
The unimaginative military title warned me off reading this one. "After a mission to rescue American hostages on a submarine goes sideways, Delta Force veteran Luke Stone" stop right there. Yet another hard-bitten special forces guy with a name like stone, or steel or cage? Barf. Count me out. You ain't gonna hold me hostage to a tired, retreaded storyline that's already been done to death. And why Delta Force instead of the Navy SEALs? Don't answer that. I really don't care.
An American Bullet by John Stonehouse
"When a train and car collide during a Colorado winter storm, US Marshal John Whicher comes to assist a local officer on board - only to discover that his contact has disappeared into thin air. A breathless standalone in a series." How is it a stabndalone, exactly, if it's in a series? Wait, Colorado? Thin air? Breathless? Is this a joke? And why 'An American bullet'? Are we so insecure that we need to ram 'American' in front of everything? Stonehouse apparently is because this is the second one of this that I've non-reviewed and that had 'American' in front of the title too! A better title would have been 'Trackless', or 'Crossed Lines', or even, 'Bullet train', but none of thsoe really go well with 'American'.... Yawn.
Murder at the Beacon Bakeshop by Darci Hannah
"The grand opening of Lindsey Bakewell's new pastry shop" - wait, the baker is called Bakewell? Seriously? "...goes horribly wrong, leaving her ex's girlfriend dead - and Lindsey as the main suspect. Now she has to catch a killer to clear her name." That's actually not how it works. She has to be found guilty in a court of law. She doesn't have to prove anything. But this exact plot has been baked to a crisp already. Yawn.
Driven by Dane Cobain
"When a young woman is killed in London and the police insist it was a tragic accident, private detective James Leipfold is sure there’s more to the story — and teams up with his crossword-loving intern Maile O’Hara to crack the case." Why in the name of all that's actual fuck would he team up with a crossword lover? I mean for fuck's sake! What does he do, exactly? Feed her the clues in the from of crossword challenges, and she imemdiately solves them? One down and two to go? Pathetic.
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