Watch Me by Stacey Kennedy/Watch Her by Edwin Hill

Rating: WARTY!

So...do you watch me, or do you watch her? I dunno! She's probably more interesting than I am, let's face it. In "Watch Me" by Stacey Kennedy, we learn that "At the exclusive sex club Phoenix, members can only watch what happens on stage, not touch. But club owner Rhys Harrington will break his own rules to have innocent Zoey Parker for himself..."  Yeah, because she has no say in the matter. If he wants her, she has to be his - like she's a sex doll, not a person. her inncoence jsut makes her a sweeter posssession, right?  This story is disgusting and the author should be ashamed of herself for aiding and abetting the turning of women into male possessions.

OR Watch Her by Edwin Hill

Like I said, she's likely to be more interesting no matter what she's doing, since I just sit around writing and drawing all day, but I'll sure watch anything except this since it's a novel that the Kirkus clan claims is "masterly." Really? Did that word get there by accident?

Elfin by Quinn Loftis

Rating: WARTY!

"Cassie thinks she's just an ordinary girl - until Trik, a dark elf assassin, enters her world and claims her heart. But can Cassie look beyond the darkness in his past?" Why would she? The guy is a murderer! And Trik? Really? This is screaming that it's yet another dumb-ass, full of shitty situations and crappy writing YA novel. And what's this about claiming her heart? Is she being parted out for sale? Don't miss it; avoid it like a Trump Rally.

Grass by Sheri S Tepper

Rating: WARTY!

The idiot blurb has it that, "As a pestilence ravages the galaxy, humanity sends Marjorie Westriding Yrarier and her family to investigate a seemingly immune planet." How a pestilence would ravage totally unrelated alien communities across an entire galaxy is the real mystery here. Another dumb plot from another author who doesn't have the first clue about biochemistry and epidemiology, and worse, who doesn't even care.

Unexpected Blessings by Barbara Taylor Bradford

Rating: WARTY!

"From a #1 New York Times bestselling author who “enthralls readers” (RT Book Reviews)" If she's a number one bestseller why is she reduced to flogging cut-rate books in a discount flyer? "In this “lively” family saga" (Booklist)" Seriously, they had to quote that? "...three generations of Harte women must contend with secrets from the past — and an unidentified enemy" Unexpected would be if it wasn't three generations. It. Always. Is. Barf.

The EC Tubb Boxset by EC Tubb

Rating: WARTY!

Discover a universe full of aliens, space travel, magic, and more! Science fiction fans will enjoy these classic stories from an author whose “reputation for fast-moving and colorful sci-fi writing is unmatched by anyone in Britain" Only 'coz I don't live there! LOL! Since when is box set one word? And why box set? Where's the box? Don't they mean 'collection'? Barf.

Captive Star by Nora Roberts

Rating: WARTY!

"Handcuffed together and on the run from hired killers, Jack Dakota and MJ O’Leary aren’t exactly getting along." I think this story is handcuffed to uninventive and unimaginative tedium. I refuse to read any story with a main character named Jack on principal - it's the most over-used go-to name ever. This book smacks of sheer boredom and a chronic lack of originality from the author. yawn.

Atlantis Stolen by Christopher Cartwright

Rating: WARTY!

If it's Atlantis Stolen by Christopher Cartwright, then we know exactly who to arrest! LOL! "A catastrophe on the horizon could wipe out human civilization — and the key to survival is hidden away in the lost, sunken city of Atlantis. Can marine biologist Sam Reilly crack an ancient code and save the world?" Seriously? Atlantis? Can this author not find anything original to write about? Yawn.

Silenced Girls by Roger Stelljes

Rating: WARTY!

"For 20 years, FBI agent Tori Hunter has stayed away from her Minnesota hometown - until a girl’s disappearance brings her back to find the truth." Yet another unoriginal story about a retired agent or police officer, or one who has left their hometown behind, coming back to take on a case. Tired. tedious. Retreaded. Yawn.

The Stationmaster’s Cottage by Phillipa Nefri Clark

Rating: WARTY!

"After Christie inherits a ramshackle seaside cottage, she discovers mysterious wedding rings and a collection of love letters in the attic — and is swept up in a romantic story 50 years in the making." Yet another boring take on a tired trope. How many times has this crap been retreaded? Yawn.

Relationship Material by Jenya Keefe

Rating: WARTY!

"Nurse Evan feels like he’ll never know true love — so when attorney Malcolm, his sister’s sexy best friend, comes around, they agree to a fling with no strings attached. But as they begin to fall in love, can they risk their hearts for something real?" Seriously? You need ask that question when the trope answer is already known? A no-strings fling with all the diseases you can beat. Barf.

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler

Rating: WARTY!

"When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power - vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class." So: lying, drinking, cheating? No thanks.

The Academy Journals Volume One by Garrett Robinson

Rating: WARTY!

"Descended from a long line of dark alchemists, Ebon is mistrusted by students and teachers at the Academy. When he gets sucked into a sinister scheme, can he find the strength to battle for good against his wicked family?" My guess is yes, otherwise why write the damn book? So we can see him fail and lose? And sinister? Really? One of the most overused words in book descriptions, along with 'brutal'. I won't read this on principal. And 'Ebon'? Is this guy black? I give up.

Everybody Sees the Ants by AS King

Rating: WARTY!

"...Lucky has a secret-one that helps him wade through the daily mundane torture of his life. In his dreams, Lucky escapes to the war-ridden jungles of Laos-the prison his grandfather couldn't escape-where Lucky can be a real man." Seriously? Double Barf from an apparently appropriately-named author.

Vinyl by Sophia Elaine Hanson

Rating: WARTY!

"In an isolated city, a hypnotic implant keeps citizens under control. When Ronja meets an agent of the resistance, she discovers a movement determined to stop the government’s manipulation." What are the odds that agent is the hot guy she falls for because she's useless without him. Another dumb plot. Another dumb story. Another dumb romance. Yawn.

Deadhead and Buried by HY Hanna

Rating: WARTY!

"City girl Poppy heads to the English countryside to claim a mysterious inheritance. When she arrives, she’s shocked to find herself the owner of a charming cottage garden nursery" Why is she shiocked? Did this dumbass not lsiten to the reading of the will? "...with a dead body on the premises!" Of corpse there is! And so yet another girl running from the city to the countryside to inherit a property with a dead body in it - and of course the cops are so useless that she has to solve it. How unoriginal. Yawn.

Starting Over at Acorn Cottage by Kate Forster

Rating: WARTY!

"Reeling from a devastating breakup, Clara leaves London for a ramshackle cottage in the quaint village of Merryknowe." Merryknowe? Seriously? But this is likely set in Australia.... "She soon finds herself falling in love with the town and its quirky residents — including single dad Henry, her handsome new contractor." Yeah, she's so devastated that she finds love right after fleeing the big city for a safe little town because she's yet another weak woman who can't manage to cope without a guy. Seriously? When are female authors going to quit doing this to women? I guess when female customers wise up and quit buying this shit, huh? That word 'quirky' is your alarm in this book blurb. It warns you to get out now, before this disaster hits you. Clara sure isn't that devastated....

Death of a Dreamer by MC Beaton

Rating: WARTY!

"When an ailing woman is found poisoned after a lovers’ quarrel, it’s up to constable Hamish Macbeth to solve the suspicious case!" Hamish Macbeth, seriously? I wouldn't read this based on the stupid name alone. Could we be any more condescending to the Scots? And why is a constable in charge of such a serious investigation? There are no detectives available? Or is the constable brilliant and the detectives useless? In which case why is Macbeth still a constable? Yawn.

Germania by Harald Gilbers

Rating: WARTY!

"In war-torn Berlin, a vicious killer prowls the shadows, leaving women’s mutilated bodies in front of war memorials. Forced by the Gestapo to investigate the case, Oppenheimer, a Jewish detective, is caught in a dangerous game." Why would the Nazi's have a Jew investigate such a critical case? They didn't like them, they didn't trust them so why employ one? This story makes no sense.

Death in D Minor by Alexia Gordon

Rating: WARTY!

This is how fucktard dumb the blurb is for this novel: "set in the “captivating southwestern Irish countryside” (Library Journal starred review)" The review evidently was so bad that the only thing they could quote from it was that the review said that the novel was set in the Irish countryside. I want you to take a minute to absord just how utterly and mind-numbingly brain-dead that is. They couldn't just inform you as a potential reader that this novel is set in the Irish countryside; they had to quote the Library Journal telling us that it's set in the Irish countryside. I mean how profoundly dumb-ass is that? I think that's hands down the dumbest thing I ever read. You'd have to take a masters-level course to write something as profoundly stupid as that. It's not a thing you can do purely by accident. No wonder Kirk-cussed reviews thinks this is a charming series: it's right up their street (which is Dumbfuck Alley in case you wondered)

The rest of the blurb says, "When her brother-in-law is accused of a crime he didn’t commit, Gethsemane goes undercover at a charity ball to unmask the real culprit — and accidentally summons an 18th-century ghost, who happens to be an excellent sleuth!" See? This is as half-witted as you can get. It's the poop without even the nincom. And 'Gethsemane'? Really? I'm guessing the author was thrilled when she came up with that name. Hopefully not literally. Certainly not literary. And accidentally summons a detective ghost? I'm wondering: did the author write a bunch of random ideas onto slips of paper, toss them into a hat, and then use the first three she picked out of the hat for her plot? It sure sounds like it.

Hexed by Michelle Krys

Rating: WARTY!

This is a "perfect mix of action, romance, and humor" according to 'bestselling' author Amy Tintera (of whom I've never heard. Just saying). But that comment does tell me all I need to know about not wasting any of my money on any of her novels. So here's the dumb-ass blurb: "Managing high school is hard enough for Indigo," Yeah. Math is hard! Why not just call her Barbie, you genderist dumbass? "...and she’s just found out she’s a witch, too!" Of course she has, because that's how this plot, cookie-ciutter cloned and retreaded, always goes. There is literally not a single thing that's new here, including the title. Yawn. And Indigo? Really? Why not call her Deep Purple and have her into leather and heavy metal? She could go have a smoke on the water.... Barf.

Queen of Oblivion by Giles Carwyn, Todd Fahnestock / The Lost Star Episode One by Odette C Bell

Rating: WARTY!

The blurb reads: "With an evil sorceress extending her control through dark magic," Wait! What the hell? The evilsorcereress is using dark magic? Who knew?! And why 'sorceress'? Why not just 'sorcerer'? Must we continue discriminate against women like this in 2021? "...priestess Shara and her soulmate, Brophy," Of course he is, because no woman on her own is of any use whatever. Far too many female authors know that for anyone to get away with a novel where the woman is strong by herself. What would be the value of a story like that? And finally they: "...fight to reunite at last — and save the empire." Why don't the ever save the umpire? Seriously? Shouldn't an umpire be the best judge of this? I am disappointed.

AND

The Lost Star Episode One by Odette C Bell

Is this author's name really C Bell - like si belle - so beautiful? Seriously? The blurb: "As a powerful priestess, Ava’s destiny is to watch over the people of Avixa, but she wants something else. With the help of Hunter McClane," Hunter? Seriously? Clearly Ava isn't so powerful, since she so desperately needs a man to validate her. This story has been done to death. And we're supposed to respect a powerful priestess who is a protector, yet who abandons her post for some dude? No. Just no.

Under the Cover of Murder by Lauren Elliott / The Bookshop Murder by Merryn Allingham / The Witching Place by Sophie Love

Rating: WARTY!

Under the Cover of Murder by Lauren Elliott

"The town of Greyborne Harbor is abuzz over the wedding of the year, a glamorous affair on a yacht. When two bodies wash ashore during the festivities, Addie, bookshop owner" What the fuck difference does that make to anything? "...and maid of honor, searches for clues in the boat’s library." Of course she does because the police are consistently useless when it comes to solving murders and there's absolutely nothing they like better than a meddling little shit fucking-up the crime scene....

AND

The Bookshop Murder by Merryn Allingham

"A recent release" What difference does that make? This same plot has been used a hundred tiems before. "...that’s first in a charming series" of course it is, because why be inventive when you can endless retread the same plot? "When Flora" Seriously? Flora? "...opens her bookshop for the day, she’s startled to find a dead body inside!" She's the only one who's startled. Everyone else fully expected this. "She enlists the help of grumpy local crime writer Jack" who has the most tediously over-used name in literary history. Clearly this author hasn't even tried to feign being inventive or having an original idea. "...in order to solve the mystery and save her store’s reputation." What reputation? Why would a dead body in a bookstore destroy the store's reputation? On the contrary: once the crime scene is cleared, people will flock there. This is a dumbass story from the off. And why is this asshole Flora solving the mystery? The cops are useless? A bookstore owner with zero police training is the best one to solve a murder? Horseshit. Barf.

AND

The Witching Place: A Fatal Folio by Sophie Love

"After losing both her job and her boyfriend, Alexis makes a change and takes a job at an occult bookstore in a seaside town." This has everything, doesn't it? A chickenshit chick fleeing ebcause she has no spine, she works in a bookstore, she's a witch maybe, and she's solving murders? Fuck! What a bunch of retreaded crap. Three stories and each one esssentially exactly the same. No imagination. Nothing inventive. Not an original idea to be found here. Yawn.

If We Were Villains by ML Rio

Rating: WARTY!

The title alone tells me this one is garbage even before we get to the dumb-ass blurb. "Ten years after Oliver Marks was sent to prison, he’s finally ready to share what truly happened the night a group of seven friends was torn apart by an act of violence." How many times has this same plot been Xeroxed? Too many. And this jackass Oliver has made everyone suffer for a decade before he's willing to spill? Fuck him.

The Perfect Daughter by DJ Palmer

Rating: WARTY!

"Sixteen-year-old Penny Francone has killed someone. As she awaits trial, psychiatrist Mitchell McHugh is asked to uncover the reason… but his discoveries might lead to a truth more chilling than murder." And that would be? Stomach cramping her style? A hang nail upon which nothing ever hangs? Rape? Pillage? This book blurb is shit. Period. I want the asshole who wrote that blurb to make it his or her mission in life from this point onward, to seek out families which have had a loved one murdered and tell them there really is something more chilling that they should focus on. Go ahead. I'm waiting....

Her Perfect Life by Rebecca Taylor

Rating: WARTY!

"After successful author Clare takes her own life, her sister, Eileen, reads her latest novel for clues to what happened" Ri-ight, because that's by far the best plan. So is this the trope Eileen and Clare were estranged? Barf. And Eileen and Clare? Really?