"Thirty-one-year-old advice columnist Holly is ready to take the next step with her boyfriend, Stephen - until he shares some surprising news. Finding herself not only single, but unemployed, she’s forced to leave Manhattan and move in with her sister." Another idiot runs away. Yawn.
Saturday, September 18, 2021
The Corpse Who Knew Too Much by Debra Sennefelder
"A true crime podcast, a childhood friend, and a 20-year-old cold case put food blogger Hope Early on the trail of a killer… Can Hope solve the mystery before she becomes the next victim? A small-town cozy with recipes!" Corpses and cooking? Yuk.
Luca by LA Witt
"hockey player Ethan seeks a night of steamy enjoyment with Luca, a high-priced male escort. But as their feelings" of infection grow... "...for each other grow, their relationship becomes far more than just business..." It becomes a reality show called Behind You All the Way! in which gay couples - like any couples who keep having random one night stands - compete to see who can get infected with a deadly disease last because they couldn't be bothered to talk about sexual history before getting it on. Not much wit here. Yawn.
Spirit of the Season by Fern Michaels
"Joy is dismayed" Joy? Really? Dismayed by what? Her name? "...when her grandmother's will demands she uproot her busy life to run the family bed-and-breakfast in North Carolina." Because the's no way in hell she can just tell her meddling grandmother to go fuck herself. That would actually make for a better story yet here we are, presented once more with a woman being told she must comply, and who doesn't have the spine to refuse. Barf.
Single Mother by Samantha Hayes
"When a letter informs her she's inherited a seaside hotel from an anonymous benefactor, Mel and her 12-year-old daughter, Kate, move there for a fresh start. But along with a strange staff, the hotel carries dark secrets" I hope so because those light secrets just have no flavor to them at all. Have you ever tasted light secrets? Yuk! Another dumbass overbaked plot.
Dirty Rich One Night Stand by Lisa Renee Jones
"Wealthy, arrogant Reese has a supposedly anonymous one-night stand with fiery Cat - but she knows who he really is, and she just can't stay away..." Of course she can't, because he has a huge dictionary which the author uses to find new euphemisms for sex organs. And 'Cat', really? This is the best name you can come up with (excuse the pun) - a ridiculous and tediously over-used go-to name for female characters? I'll bet Reese goes to pieces....Yawn. You'll need a supply of antibiotics for this one.
The Summer Cottage by Viola Shipman aka Wade Rouse
If it's a cottage in summer, what is it the rest of the year?! Just askin'! "After her marriage crumbles, Adie Lou decides to transform her family's old summer cottage into a cozy bed-and-breakfast." A cottage? How cheesy. How many guests can a 'cottage' accommodate exactly? Two? Yawn. I thought Viola Shipman was a pretty cool name, but it's actually thid guy's grandmother's name. I've never understood the dishonesty of employing a nom de plume. To me it's just lying to people about who you are.
Daybreak by Cheree Alsop
"Held as a prisoner because of her heritage, half-human Liora" What's her other half? Is that human too? She can't be half human. By definition, if one organism can successfully breed with another, they are the same species. You can't be half human. "...doesn't trust anyone. But when she's freed by starship captain Devren," she miraculously trusts him and they make beautiful music together because she's yet another worthless woman who needs a man to pull her strings? Barf. "...experiences the adventure of a lifetime." I'll bet she does, but I won't be joining her. I wasted enough time in trying to stomach two other of this author's novels.
Endurance The Complete Series by AC Spahn
"Aboard a lone spaceship, a crew full of misfits explores the galaxy" I was done right there. How many billions of novels have there been about a crew of misfits? Yawn. At least it's not billed as a dumbass "boxset."
Under Heaven by Guy Gavriel Kay
“The novel you’ll want for your summer vacation” No, WaPo, I won't. On my vacation, I want a vacation. "In a reimagined 8th-century China" because the real China is nowhere near interesting enough, "Shen Tai " a name which means talented god - so no pressure. Barf. I was done right there.
Wandfasted by Laurie Forest
Thgis is another dumb-ass novel name that I automatically avoid like the plague. "Tessla faces challenges" Yep. Her dim-witted name is the first one. And 'wandfasted' what the motherfuck does that even mean? Just from the title and the main character's name you know this is going to be a series you'll be glad you enver even started.
Twilight Seeker by Pippa DaCosta
"First in a series!" Of course it is, because why bilk people for only one cookie-cutter story when you can milk them for many? "After the sun goes down, Lynher is a hostess at the Night Station, entertaining vampires, demons, and more." I guess this epxlains why the rip-off title, huh? "By day, she’s a resistance fighter freeing humans from enslavement under paranormal creatures. Can she keep her secrets secure when a vampire overlord comes to stay?" Lynher's name is really Bella Swann and the vampire overlord is really named Edward, because this story is absolutely no different in any way shape or form to any other YA-style vampire story that's ever been told in a series. You know. I know. The unimaginative author knows it perfectly well, as does the publisher. Barf.
Chasing the Italian Dream by Jo Thomas
"While visiting her grandparents in Italy, lawyer Lucia discovers her grandfather is retiring from the family’s pizzeria. And when she learns her ex, Giacomo, might be taking over, she’s faced with a major decision!" No she really isn't. What's her decision - whether or not to fall in love with the hot Italian? Yeah right! This dipshit lawyer already declared her intentions when she spent years becoming a lawyer instead of helping to run her grandparents' pizzeria. Now we're suddenly expected to swallow that she has a change of heart? Ri-ight! Yawn. You know the italian guy is really going to turn out to be a sweetheart, who only wants to honor her grandparents' business, so we know exactly how this story is going to unfold. What's the point of wasting good money on it when there are other, more imaginative, less predictable, and non-cloned stories out there to enjoy?
If I Wake by Nikki Moyes
Any novel with a title of this nature is an automatic no. "An emotional read for fans of Gayle Forman" who I've never even heard of so why would I care?! "Lucy’s best friend is Will - a boy she only encounters in her dreams. But when school bullies drive Lucy to attempt suicide and she falls into a coma, can the boy she’s never truly met become her saving grace?" Why not? Because every girl is so utterly useless that she needs a guy to save her, right? This is why I will not even countenance reading novels with bullshit pretentious titles like this one has before I even get close to the even more dumbass plot. My question is, why doesn't lard-ass Will come to her aid before she tries to kill herself?
Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon by David Michaels /Clive Cussler's The Devil's Sea by Dirk Cussler
Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon by David Michaels
How exactly is it even remotely Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon if it's by David Michaels? "In this New York Times bestseller," that for some reason they need to unload at the knock-down price of two bucks, "an elite and deadly US Special Forces team must thwart a dangerous international plot" because all the other nations are utterly useless. Doesn't 'special forces' mean elite? I mean, isn't it implicit in the name? So what exactly is an elite special forces unit? "...and prevent a catastrophic global war" as opposed to the non-harmful global wars that of course no-one is worried about. Barf. "A high-octane adventure with nearly 1,000 five-star Goodreads ratings!" and still it's being flogged for two bucks. Go figure! Another dumb-ass book blurb.
AND
Clive Cussler's The Devil's Sea by Dirk Cussler
"Dirk Pitt" Seriously? Worst name ever for an aciton hero! "...is back - and this time he’s in the Philippine Sea, attempting to stop a deadly missile and rescue an ancient Buddhist artifact" Because only an American can save the world. Harf. Just as an aside, Dirk "the" Pitts graduated from the USAF Academy and was a pilot in the Vietnam War. Supposing he was 22 in 1970, when the war was starting to undeniably look like a seriously lost cause because colonialism does not work. This novel was published in 2021. So Dirk Pitt has to be at the very least, some seventy years old at this point. Yeah. Just saying. At least James Bond had the decency to reboot! LOL! But here's the real issue: how is this remotely Clive Cussler's when he died some two years ago? Instead of coming up with something new, his son is riding his father's coattails and trying to suck every last cent from an aging character he had no hand on creating.
The Beaumont Brothers: Complete Box Set by Leslie North
A box set isn't complete if it doesn't have a box! "The billionaire Beaumont brothers love their playboy ways. When an unexpected clause in their grandfather’s will means they’re suddenly in the market for marriage, each brother has a different strategy, but all three are destined for scorching hot chemistry!" What is that scorching chemistry? Is it napalm by any chance? And what self-respecting woman would want their diseases? Yawn.
The Salvation: Unseen by Aubrey Clark
"Elena and her friends are enjoying a rare period of undisturbed happiness — but as a Guardian, Elena knows it won’t last. And soon, they find themselves facing off against two vicious enemies..." in this direct rip-off of Vampire Academy! Would one of those enemies be the strigoi, and the other someone from their own ranks? Barf. Get an original idea for Bram's sake!
Crime & Punctuation by Kaitlyn Dunnett
"First in a series!" Of course it is, because this small town will prove to be more deadly than Chicago. "A small town in the Catskills is rocked when a local novelist dies in exactly the same manner as the victim in her book." Been there done that - a score of times already. "Editor Mikki Lincoln refuses to believe it’s a coincidence" Why would anyone in their right mind believe it's a coincidence? Barf.
No Graves As Yet by Anne Perry
"When Cambridge professor Joseph Reavley’s parents are killed in a car crash, he learns that his father was in possession of an explosive document with the power to change the course of history." An explosive document would change the course of history. Imagine sending out a bunch of documents that exploded when opened! Another idiotic book blurb.
Friday, September 17, 2021
Son of Thunder SC Mitchell
"Meghan Larson finds her stable life as a museum curator turned upside down when a curious Norse artifact arrives in the mail - and a strange man claiming to be the son of Thor shows up on the museum’s doorstep to retrieve it!" Of course he does because this is yet another dumbass novel where the female character becomes an adjunct of the hot guy. Barf. Not an original idea to be found here.
Daughter of Sparta by Claire M Andrews
"Daphne...embarks on a high-stakes quest with the annoyingly handsome god Apollo as her guide." Daphne is supposed to be a tough and fierce Spartan woman, although in the myth she was no such thing, so why render her that way and then neuter her by turning her into a rag doll in the hands of the 'annoyingly handsome' god? Barf! Here's yet another female author creating yet another limp, needy, worthless-without-a-man female character. In the original myth, Apollo is a stalker and Daphne has to beg for help from one of the other gods to escape him. This author wants to make a love story out of that? Get a clue. Please.
Shared by the Cowboys By Cassie Cole
"While researching her next novel, author Rebecca takes a job at Cassidy Ranch - where she falls for the rugged, irresistible Cassidy brothers. Why choose one cowboy when you can have three?" Three what? Diseases? Yet another woman writing another novel where a woman is a sex toy rather than a person. And why are these bare chested dudes always white guys? Who would want three cowaboys who apparently have only one shirt between them (judged by the idiotic cover) and who spend their entire day staring determinedly at the ground? How would they even notice a woman in the first place? They're probably looking to make sure they don't step in horseshit, but they all stepped into this novel. Go figure....
Upon Dragon’s Breath Trilogy By Ava Richardson/Replaced Parts By Stephanie Hansen
"Saffron was exiled from Torvald because of her ability to communicate with dragons. When she joins forces with reclusive young noble Bower, can they face the evil magic that ruined their kingdom?" Who cares when it's yet another in a long line of female-penned stories that says a woman is useless unless paired with a man to validate and protect her?
PAIRED WITH"In a dystopian 22nd century, Sierra spends her days rescuing animals from laboratories - but when she finds out where her long-missing father is imprisoned, she enlists her friends for a secret rescue mission to the planet Vortex." How is this any different from the one above? The blurb says, "her friends," but the cover shows the alt-right 'one woman and one man' because you just know a woman is usless without one, right? Ri-ight! Barf.
Angels of Omnis Addiction by Lola StVil
"After bookworm Emmy is attacked by demons, she learns she’s far from the normal girl she thought she was! A team of angels is assigned to protect her - and their leader is stubborn, gorgeous Marcus." Oh puleeze! For fuck's sake get a new shtick. Get an original idea. Quit wasting people's time with this cookie-cutter clone crap.
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