I think this title's missing a 'nowhere'! "As FBI special agent Adele Sharp..." stop right there! A book written by Pierce has an FBI agent named sharp? No. Just no. How can a novel with such a trite character name be considered cutting edge? Jsut aksing! Yawn.
Monday, September 20, 2021
A Taste of Rosebridge Box Set by Harper Logan
"This collection transports you to the small town of Rosebridge, where three men discover their perfect matches" which is the worst thing that could have happened to them because all three were heavy smokers and now they had the perfect lighting tool, chain smoking became a real option. Long story short, they all died within minutes of each other one magical winter's night, happily smoking themselves to death. Santa died of a heart-attack upon seeing there was no fucking box with this set!
A Million Junes by Emily Henry
"From a New York Times bestselling author" - who ought to know better then! This is yet another in a long line of uninteresting Romeo and Juliet rip-offs. The title alone ought to steer anyone in their right mind away from this. "June and Saul were born into two opposing families with a legendary feud - but when they team up to unravel the magical truth behind the rift, it sparks a forbidden love" Barf.
Save Me a Seat by Sarah Weeks, Gita Varadarajan
Now I concede that 'Varadarajan' is an amazing name that would probably take Weeks to pronounce (see what I did there?), but I can't get with the blurb. "As Ravi struggles to find his place at his new school, he discovers an unlikely ally in Joe, the class bully’s other target." Thus is yet another novel that teaches kids that they're on their own, no adult, least of all a teacher, will help them. No wonder Monty Kirkus's Fly-ass Circus loved it.
Bones of Faerie by Janni Lee Simner
Here's the weird thing about this one. The blurb tells us: "Will appeal to readers of Holly Black and Cassandra Clare (Kirkus Reviews)" _ why do they have to quote Kirkus Reviews in saying who it will appear to? I know Kirkus doesn't remotely grasp the idea of a negative review, but what if this was that once-in-a-blue Moon negative review so all they could quote was that? That's truly pathetic, isn't it? Another reason to dislike this book. On top of that, it starts with "In a world" which turned me off. Do fairies even ahve bones? I thought they boasted exoskeletons? Anyway, it continues, "devastated by the war between humans and Faerie," The author is too chickenshit to call them fairies, so we have the return of the 'fae'. That's the death knell right there. Don't need to read another word to know I would hate this novel, although I do love the "Janni Lee" part of the author's name. That sounds pretty cool to me, and I did like her "Tiernay West, Professional Adventurer" but I cnalt get with one with a blurb like this.
The Jack Reacher Cases Box Set: Books 10–12 by Dan Ames
Another Jack Reach-Around fun-fester. Who really cares? Obviously not many, if this author has to unload three volumes for ninety-nine cents. Go look up the definition of 'market saturation' and see if that helps any....
The Other Wife by Claire McGowan
"Living in an isolated cottage with her controlling husband, Suzi is terrified that someone will discover the secret she guards. When Nora moves in next door," Wait, what? Wasn't the cottage isolated? How can there be a next door? LOL! That's how dumb this garbage is. "Suzi is delighted to have a friend — but her new neighbor seems to know more about Suzi than she should." That's because dumb-ass Suzi has been posting all her shit on F-book and other brain-dead online addictions.
Their Matchmaker by Allyson Lindt
"Cynthia needs investors to fund her high-tech matchmaking service — but Aaron and Gavin won’t bite unless she lets them test her algorithm!" You bet your ass they test her algorithm and not one of the three cares a shit about the sexual history of the other two. They'll get theirs coming.... Lindt removal, aisle nine, please!
Gunpowder Moon by David Pedreira
"While working a lucrative mining operation on the moon, Caden Dechert is swept into a dangerous conspiracy that could have catastrophic consequences." Of course he is - because regular consequences can never be enough. Why are dudes working there instead of robots? Oh, I know, because this is one of those common sci-fi novels in which metallic plague has wiped out all robots, so humans have to fill their jobs. This book cover shows a space helmet lying on the Moon's surface with a bullet hole in it. Either the author or the cover artist apparently doesn't get that there's no air on the moon therefore gunpowder will not burn, therefore bullets will not fly unless you have some sort of a compressed air system to fire it. He'll figure it out. Yawn.
The Color of a Dream by Julianne MacLean
Any novel with a title like this is worth skipping. Again, this is the same story as the orevious two I just listed. "Nadia has survived a heart transplant - but when a recurring dream leads her to heroic rescue pilot Jesse" We get a plot that's been done to death a million times already and a woman depserately in need of saving by soem hot dude. Yawn.
Hawk by James Patterson, Gabrielle Charbonnet
James Patterson sucks as an author. Here's another reason why: "In postapocalyptic New York City, 17-year-old Hawk survives alone - but does she share a destiny with Maximum Ride, the winged hero who disappeared 10 years ago?" Maximum Ride? Why not just call him Vaginal Orgasm-Guaranteed? At its core, this novel is exactly the same as the "Fire in Ice" I just got through discussing.
Fire in Ice by Jennifer DiGiovanni
Any novel with a title of this nature is almost guaranteed to be unadulterated crap. "After recovering from a rare illness, Cara discovers she has the unusual ability to generate energy. Alex shares the same gift — and when they cross paths, he must teach her" Of course he must because women are useless in these books, especially when written by female YA authors. They always need a guy to rescue and then validate them, and to especially treat them like a child. Barf
The Last Vampire by Kathryn Meyer Griffith
I wish it were the last vampire. "In a world" OMG, it's an "In a World" story.... "where the human race is spiraling toward extinction and vampires are starting to follow suit, Emma Bloodworth" Stop right there. Emma Bloodworth? Seriously? Fuck this shit. Vampires suck and have been done to death.
Finding Fraser by KC Dyer
"obsessed Outlander fan Emma flies to Scotland in search of a real-life Highland hero." That should tell you all you need to know to avoid this shit like the plague, right there. I take that back; it's not shit - it's diarrhea. Any novel with a title of that format is highly suspect. Yawn.
Meditations in Green by Stephen Wright
A title like this is an automatic no to me. And I don't think it's written by the comedian Stephen Wright - in which case it might have been worth a read. "After returning from his deployment in Vietnam, US soldier James Griffin seeks solace as he struggles to adjust to civilian life." Who cares, really? That war ended half a century ago, yet we're still obsessed with it? Let's be obsessed, if we must, with internalizing the lesson from it, because clearly we haven't done that yet given the failure of four consecutive presidents over Afghanistan, and with taking care of returning vets. Other than that, let it go for fuck's sake.
The Haunting of Briarwych Church by Amy Cross
"In the midst of World War II, Father Lionel Loveford is tasked with reopening an abandoned church with a tragic history." Why? In the 'midst' or a world war, this is all he can find to do? "But there’s a malevolent presence lurking in the shadows — and it is desperate to exact revenge on the entire village" Exact revenge is nothing. It's the imprecise revenge that scares me! Seriously - this is going to be one of those stories where for reasons inexplicable, the malevolent spirit is supremely subtle to begin with and then slowly ramps up the revenge instead of going full metal hack it on them from the off. Why? No one ever explains that. And why isn't the malevolence already "exacting" revenge? Why does it have to wait until the church is reopened? And where is Father Lovelace's god? Why is this god so useless in cases of malevolent spirits? Why is it that humans have to be the ones to fix it? Not much of a god really, is it?
See You in the Cosmos by Jack Cheng
Slap a Newberry on this one. Yawn. Kirkus calls it "riveting" because they evidently don't know what that means outside of the sheet metal construction business. The story is that "Alex loves everything about the cosmos — especially Carl Sagan, his dog named after the astronomer. But a trip away from home makes Alex realize that Earth (and his family on it) are way more special than he thought." Absolutely. It turns out that his dog is actually the reincarnation of Carl Sagan, being punished for his evil atheistic ways, but he comes up with a new theory that finally explains Stephen Hawking, and the cosmos suddenly makes sense! Jennifer Niven raves: "I haven’t read anything that has moved me this much since Wonder." Who the fuck is Jennifer Niven and why should I care what she thinks?
New Girl in Little Cove by Damhnait Monaghan
"Arriving in Little Cove as the village’s new French teacher, mainlander Rachel is a fish out of water. Can she learn to love her new community?" Nope! My prediction is that she goes psycho on their quirky asses, gunning them all down mercilessly before rampaging gloriously across Ireland - or wherever this is set - and then the globe, wiping out humanity until she's all that's left - she and her little friend, who now no one can meet....
This Body of Death by Elizabeth George
"After his wife’s murder, inspector Thomas Lynley stepped away from Scotland Yard… but a disturbing crime deep in a secluded cemetery requires his return." And yet again with the 'coming out of retirement' meme. How many scores of times has this been done? I read and negatively reviewed a novel by this author in 2016 and evidently she's shown no sign of improvement in five years. Yawn.
After Anna by Alex Lake
Performed by an Earphones Award–winning narrator: A week after Julia’s five-year-old daughter vanishes without a trace, she returns home, seemingly unharmed - but has no memory of what happened or where she’s been." How many times has this same plot been warmed over now? Yawn.
His Wife's Sister by AJ Wills
A chilling thriller read by dual narrators!" Barf. "After disappearing 19 years earlier, Damian’s sister-in-law Mara is found in the woods - alone, starving, and telling a harrowing tale of an underground cell and a miraculous escape." Automatic no to any novel where the title renders t he female as an appendage of someone else - evne when she's the "wife's sister." Doesntl she have a name? And isn't this the exact plot of the 1997 movie Kiss the Girls? Yawn.
Reawakened by Colleen Houck
While visiting a museum, 17-year-old Lily meets a handsome stranger - who turns out to be an ancient Egyptian prince!" Of course he does because Cleo forbid we should actually have a story about a 17 year old woman who doesn't need validation from a man. I'll bet the prince speak perfect English with an American idiom too. Barf.
Sunday, September 19, 2021
Extra Dirty by Mia Gold
"Former MMA fighter Ruby Steele" Stop right there! Another main character in a 'tough guy' novel, who is unoriginally named Steele? While I do approve of the seven latter author name (!), I have to rate this one a barf. And a Yawn.
Straits of Power by Joe Buff
"In the midst of war, Commander Jeffrey Fuller must navigate his cutting-edge submarine to reach a German informant. Wait, the German informant is hiding in his submarine? How hard can it be to find him? "But when he suspects the man of being a double agent, the fate of his mission — and the globe — hang in the balance." Yeah right. Yawn. Another obsessed story about World War Two. When are we going to remember never to forget, but move the fuck on from these tired old, repetitive stories?
Mercy River by Glen Erik Hamilton
The title alone is warning enough to avoid this novel. Any novel with 'river' in the title is a losing proposition, period, and especially so when coupled with a term like 'mercy'!
Fallen by Lexxi James
Isn't that first name of the author missing an X? "After tragedy struck, Kathryn was there for former soldier Jake. He’s been secretly watching over her ever since." Great - a stalker novel where the weak woman falls in love with the strong savior guy - but wait, if he's to be the dominant BDSM partner, why was he so subjugated that he let her take care of him? Barf.
Boop and Eve’s Road Trip by Mary Helen Sheriff
“Warm, witty, and wise” (National Book Award–winning author Han Nolan) - whom I've never heard of so why would I take that as a recommendation? if they're an award-winning writer that's actually a disrecommendation to me! "When struggling Eve sets out on a journey to find her missing best friend, her grandmother, Boop, decides to tag along" Finally a story about what happened to Betty Boop after she left showbiz. But Boop? Seriously? Barf.
Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman
"From a #1 New York Times bestselling author comes an anthology that is both enthralling and unsettling. 'Exciting, often musical writing' (The Boston Globe), with over 17,000 five-star ratings on Goodreads." That was perfect. A book blurb that doesn't tell you shit about what's actually in the book other than that it's a collection of short stories. Great. I'm sure going to rush out and buy that one! Seriously? I don't have a great relationship with Neil Gaiman. I haven't liked a lot of what I've read of his, but he did once write a kick-ass Doctor Who episode. Definite mega-warty on the book blurb though!
Horses of the Sun by Leanne Owens
"In the remote Australian outback," isn't all outback remote by definition? That's why it's called outback, isn't it? "...siblings Dane, Lani, and Matthew pursue their goal of becoming champion horseback riders." If they were going to be horse front riders I'd find it a compelling read, but otherwise, it's just another bunch of horses asses. I do wonder, though, do these horses of the sun like to eat golden apples of the sun?
Only the Pretty Lies by Rebekah Crane
"High school senior Amoris" Stop right there. Amoris? Really? WTF?! "...when her old crush, Jamison, moves in next door, Amoris is forced to confront the community’s dark side…" This is "a YA novel with love and substance." Sorry but that's a contradiction in terms. YA novels are almost universally insubstantial shit conflating infatuation with love, and there's every reason to believe a novel with a female character named Amoris is going to be exactly the same as all the other dumb-ass cookie-cutter clone YA novels that have gone before it into blessed oblivion. Yawn.
Darker Ages The Complete Series by Aron Lewes
If you can publish "the complete series" as one book, why is it a series in the first place? "Alice, a girl with quadriplegia, lives out an alternate existence in a virtual world, where she’s known as Princess Arienne. There, she finds herself betrothed to an infuriating prince, abducted by a devilishly charming pirate, and more." More what? More YA love triangle garbage whereby a girl is useless unless she has a guy to rescue her? Way to diss a quadriplegic woman. Barf.
Beginner’s Luck by Kate Clayborn
Clay born? Doesn't that make this author wonder Woman?! "When risk-averse scientist Kit wins the lottery, her only plan is to buy a fixer-upper. But she’s about to deal with unexpected changes — and may lose her heart in the process." Despite the loss of that heart, her body continues to function. She's not called 'First Aid Kit" for nothing. As a zombie, she's able to go on to live a full life, proving that it really does just take brains. Barf.
Henrietta Who? by Catherine Aird
"After Henrietta’s mother is found dead on the road in a sleepy English village, an autopsy delivers shocking news: Mrs Jenkins never had children — and her death may not have been an accident… Can Inspector CD Sloan crack the case?" My guess is no, because he's a necrophiliac who becomes so obsessed with Herietta's mother's corpse that he can't focus on his work anymore, but the two do live happily every after once her body has been been stuffed properly.... Seriously what kind of a dumbass question is that? Does the book blurb writer really think readers are so irremediably stupid?
Cut and Run by Matt Hilton
"In this high-octane read, former special forces operative Joe Hunter," the Special forces operative is called Hunter? Really? Yawn. Yet another in a tediously long line of "I wanted out, but they keep pulling me back in" stories. These have been done to death and they're as boring as watching shit dry.
Daughters of the Moon by Susan Sallis
A title like this is a definite warning sign although I woulsn't automatically write off a novel for a title like this one. "Born in Plymouth during World War II, identical twins Miranda and Meg grow up inseparable - but when Meg moves to Cornwall, they're drawn down different paths... Can they find their way back to each other, or has their bond been broken for good?" And who gives a shit, really?
The Drafter by Kim Harrison aka Dawn Cook
"Peri Reed is a government agent with the ability to alter time - and now she's on the run" Why - when she can alter time? Sounds like another dumb-ass series from this book description. A big yawn from yet another author publishing under a fake name.
Not So Fake by Emma Lyon
"When Lane hires Zach to pose as his boyfriend at a wedding, their powerful attraction takes them both by surprise." But surprises no readers who have seen this exact same story ten quintillion times already. Yawn. "As their phony romance heats up, can they find the courage to take a chance on true love?" Is that a serious question or do you just think your readers are idiots? Once again a moronic plot insists on conflating sex with love. These are the dumbest, lowest common denomiator kinds of stories you can write. Or maybe you can't write and that's why you do these?
Saturday, September 18, 2021
The Dixon Brothers Trilogy by Anna Durand
"An anonymous one-night stand, an accidental roommate, and a pretend relationship take unexpected turns as American girls get seduced by sexy Brits! Meet the Dixon brothers in this collection of steamy erotic romances" Why not just call them the Dick Brothers, then the title of the novel could be "The Swinging Dicks" Be sure to pack extra antibiotics for this one since it's undoubtedly pretty much The McTaggert Brothers with a search and replace done on character names. Barf.
Eaters of the Dead by Michael Crichton aka John Lange
Shouldn't this be titled 'Ripped-off of the Dead' since Crichton, who died in 2008, isn't now going to earn a penny from the resale of this 1976 novel? If you must read it, get it from the library or a used book store.
Duty and Honor by Grant Blackwood aka David Michaels
So the novel is purportedly by Grant Blackwood, yet the name taking up fully half the cover in bright red lettering is 'Tom Clancy', and Grant Blackwood is really David Michaels? WTF?! Can you say 'misrepresentation'? "Forced out of his intelligence organization, Jack Ryan Jr has only himself to rely on as he goes after a philanthropist with a murderous, world-threatening secret." Does anyone really care? I sure as fuck don't.
A Thread So Thin by Marie Bostwick
"From a New York Times bestselling author" who apparently still has to offer her books at a discount to get sales. Hmm. "As winter arrives in her small New England town, quilt shop owner Evelyn must come to terms with her son’s unexpected engagement. Because what a tragedy his happiness has proven to be!
The Consort by KA Linde
"After losing nearly everything, Cyrene turns to her enemy, Prince Kael, for help." Another idiot woman penned by a female author, who can't make it without a guy's help. What a great role model. Barf.
Holly Freakin’ Hughes by Kelsey Kingsley
"Thirty-one-year-old advice columnist Holly is ready to take the next step with her boyfriend, Stephen - until he shares some surprising news. Finding herself not only single, but unemployed, she’s forced to leave Manhattan and move in with her sister." Another idiot runs away. Yawn.
The Corpse Who Knew Too Much by Debra Sennefelder
"A true crime podcast, a childhood friend, and a 20-year-old cold case put food blogger Hope Early on the trail of a killer… Can Hope solve the mystery before she becomes the next victim? A small-town cozy with recipes!" Corpses and cooking? Yuk.
Luca by LA Witt
"hockey player Ethan seeks a night of steamy enjoyment with Luca, a high-priced male escort. But as their feelings" of infection grow... "...for each other grow, their relationship becomes far more than just business..." It becomes a reality show called Behind You All the Way! in which gay couples - like any couples who keep having random one night stands - compete to see who can get infected with a deadly disease last because they couldn't be bothered to talk about sexual history before getting it on. Not much wit here. Yawn.
Spirit of the Season by Fern Michaels
"Joy is dismayed" Joy? Really? Dismayed by what? Her name? "...when her grandmother's will demands she uproot her busy life to run the family bed-and-breakfast in North Carolina." Because the's no way in hell she can just tell her meddling grandmother to go fuck herself. That would actually make for a better story yet here we are, presented once more with a woman being told she must comply, and who doesn't have the spine to refuse. Barf.
Single Mother by Samantha Hayes
"When a letter informs her she's inherited a seaside hotel from an anonymous benefactor, Mel and her 12-year-old daughter, Kate, move there for a fresh start. But along with a strange staff, the hotel carries dark secrets" I hope so because those light secrets just have no flavor to them at all. Have you ever tasted light secrets? Yuk! Another dumbass overbaked plot.
Dirty Rich One Night Stand by Lisa Renee Jones
"Wealthy, arrogant Reese has a supposedly anonymous one-night stand with fiery Cat - but she knows who he really is, and she just can't stay away..." Of course she can't, because he has a huge dictionary which the author uses to find new euphemisms for sex organs. And 'Cat', really? This is the best name you can come up with (excuse the pun) - a ridiculous and tediously over-used go-to name for female characters? I'll bet Reese goes to pieces....Yawn. You'll need a supply of antibiotics for this one.
The Summer Cottage by Viola Shipman aka Wade Rouse
If it's a cottage in summer, what is it the rest of the year?! Just askin'! "After her marriage crumbles, Adie Lou decides to transform her family's old summer cottage into a cozy bed-and-breakfast." A cottage? How cheesy. How many guests can a 'cottage' accommodate exactly? Two? Yawn. I thought Viola Shipman was a pretty cool name, but it's actually thid guy's grandmother's name. I've never understood the dishonesty of employing a nom de plume. To me it's just lying to people about who you are.
Daybreak by Cheree Alsop
"Held as a prisoner because of her heritage, half-human Liora" What's her other half? Is that human too? She can't be half human. By definition, if one organism can successfully breed with another, they are the same species. You can't be half human. "...doesn't trust anyone. But when she's freed by starship captain Devren," she miraculously trusts him and they make beautiful music together because she's yet another worthless woman who needs a man to pull her strings? Barf. "...experiences the adventure of a lifetime." I'll bet she does, but I won't be joining her. I wasted enough time in trying to stomach two other of this author's novels.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)