"Thirty-one-year-old advice columnist Holly is ready to take the next step with her boyfriend, Stephen - until he shares some surprising news. Finding herself not only single, but unemployed, she’s forced to leave Manhattan and move in with her sister." Another idiot runs away. Yawn.
Saturday, September 18, 2021
The Corpse Who Knew Too Much by Debra Sennefelder
"A true crime podcast, a childhood friend, and a 20-year-old cold case put food blogger Hope Early on the trail of a killer… Can Hope solve the mystery before she becomes the next victim? A small-town cozy with recipes!" Corpses and cooking? Yuk.
Luca by LA Witt
"hockey player Ethan seeks a night of steamy enjoyment with Luca, a high-priced male escort. But as their feelings" of infection grow... "...for each other grow, their relationship becomes far more than just business..." It becomes a reality show called Behind You All the Way! in which gay couples - like any couples who keep having random one night stands - compete to see who can get infected with a deadly disease last because they couldn't be bothered to talk about sexual history before getting it on. Not much wit here. Yawn.
Spirit of the Season by Fern Michaels
"Joy is dismayed" Joy? Really? Dismayed by what? Her name? "...when her grandmother's will demands she uproot her busy life to run the family bed-and-breakfast in North Carolina." Because the's no way in hell she can just tell her meddling grandmother to go fuck herself. That would actually make for a better story yet here we are, presented once more with a woman being told she must comply, and who doesn't have the spine to refuse. Barf.
Single Mother by Samantha Hayes
"When a letter informs her she's inherited a seaside hotel from an anonymous benefactor, Mel and her 12-year-old daughter, Kate, move there for a fresh start. But along with a strange staff, the hotel carries dark secrets" I hope so because those light secrets just have no flavor to them at all. Have you ever tasted light secrets? Yuk! Another dumbass overbaked plot.
Dirty Rich One Night Stand by Lisa Renee Jones
"Wealthy, arrogant Reese has a supposedly anonymous one-night stand with fiery Cat - but she knows who he really is, and she just can't stay away..." Of course she can't, because he has a huge dictionary which the author uses to find new euphemisms for sex organs. And 'Cat', really? This is the best name you can come up with (excuse the pun) - a ridiculous and tediously over-used go-to name for female characters? I'll bet Reese goes to pieces....Yawn. You'll need a supply of antibiotics for this one.
The Summer Cottage by Viola Shipman aka Wade Rouse
If it's a cottage in summer, what is it the rest of the year?! Just askin'! "After her marriage crumbles, Adie Lou decides to transform her family's old summer cottage into a cozy bed-and-breakfast." A cottage? How cheesy. How many guests can a 'cottage' accommodate exactly? Two? Yawn. I thought Viola Shipman was a pretty cool name, but it's actually thid guy's grandmother's name. I've never understood the dishonesty of employing a nom de plume. To me it's just lying to people about who you are.
Daybreak by Cheree Alsop
"Held as a prisoner because of her heritage, half-human Liora" What's her other half? Is that human too? She can't be half human. By definition, if one organism can successfully breed with another, they are the same species. You can't be half human. "...doesn't trust anyone. But when she's freed by starship captain Devren," she miraculously trusts him and they make beautiful music together because she's yet another worthless woman who needs a man to pull her strings? Barf. "...experiences the adventure of a lifetime." I'll bet she does, but I won't be joining her. I wasted enough time in trying to stomach two other of this author's novels.
Endurance The Complete Series by AC Spahn
"Aboard a lone spaceship, a crew full of misfits explores the galaxy" I was done right there. How many billions of novels have there been about a crew of misfits? Yawn. At least it's not billed as a dumbass "boxset."
Under Heaven by Guy Gavriel Kay
“The novel you’ll want for your summer vacation” No, WaPo, I won't. On my vacation, I want a vacation. "In a reimagined 8th-century China" because the real China is nowhere near interesting enough, "Shen Tai " a name which means talented god - so no pressure. Barf. I was done right there.
Wandfasted by Laurie Forest
Thgis is another dumb-ass novel name that I automatically avoid like the plague. "Tessla faces challenges" Yep. Her dim-witted name is the first one. And 'wandfasted' what the motherfuck does that even mean? Just from the title and the main character's name you know this is going to be a series you'll be glad you enver even started.
Twilight Seeker by Pippa DaCosta
"First in a series!" Of course it is, because why bilk people for only one cookie-cutter story when you can milk them for many? "After the sun goes down, Lynher is a hostess at the Night Station, entertaining vampires, demons, and more." I guess this epxlains why the rip-off title, huh? "By day, she’s a resistance fighter freeing humans from enslavement under paranormal creatures. Can she keep her secrets secure when a vampire overlord comes to stay?" Lynher's name is really Bella Swann and the vampire overlord is really named Edward, because this story is absolutely no different in any way shape or form to any other YA-style vampire story that's ever been told in a series. You know. I know. The unimaginative author knows it perfectly well, as does the publisher. Barf.
Chasing the Italian Dream by Jo Thomas
"While visiting her grandparents in Italy, lawyer Lucia discovers her grandfather is retiring from the family’s pizzeria. And when she learns her ex, Giacomo, might be taking over, she’s faced with a major decision!" No she really isn't. What's her decision - whether or not to fall in love with the hot Italian? Yeah right! This dipshit lawyer already declared her intentions when she spent years becoming a lawyer instead of helping to run her grandparents' pizzeria. Now we're suddenly expected to swallow that she has a change of heart? Ri-ight! Yawn. You know the italian guy is really going to turn out to be a sweetheart, who only wants to honor her grandparents' business, so we know exactly how this story is going to unfold. What's the point of wasting good money on it when there are other, more imaginative, less predictable, and non-cloned stories out there to enjoy?
If I Wake by Nikki Moyes
Any novel with a title of this nature is an automatic no. "An emotional read for fans of Gayle Forman" who I've never even heard of so why would I care?! "Lucy’s best friend is Will - a boy she only encounters in her dreams. But when school bullies drive Lucy to attempt suicide and she falls into a coma, can the boy she’s never truly met become her saving grace?" Why not? Because every girl is so utterly useless that she needs a guy to save her, right? This is why I will not even countenance reading novels with bullshit pretentious titles like this one has before I even get close to the even more dumbass plot. My question is, why doesn't lard-ass Will come to her aid before she tries to kill herself?
Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon by David Michaels /Clive Cussler's The Devil's Sea by Dirk Cussler
Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon by David Michaels
How exactly is it even remotely Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon if it's by David Michaels? "In this New York Times bestseller," that for some reason they need to unload at the knock-down price of two bucks, "an elite and deadly US Special Forces team must thwart a dangerous international plot" because all the other nations are utterly useless. Doesn't 'special forces' mean elite? I mean, isn't it implicit in the name? So what exactly is an elite special forces unit? "...and prevent a catastrophic global war" as opposed to the non-harmful global wars that of course no-one is worried about. Barf. "A high-octane adventure with nearly 1,000 five-star Goodreads ratings!" and still it's being flogged for two bucks. Go figure! Another dumb-ass book blurb.
AND
Clive Cussler's The Devil's Sea by Dirk Cussler
"Dirk Pitt" Seriously? Worst name ever for an aciton hero! "...is back - and this time he’s in the Philippine Sea, attempting to stop a deadly missile and rescue an ancient Buddhist artifact" Because only an American can save the world. Harf. Just as an aside, Dirk "the" Pitts graduated from the USAF Academy and was a pilot in the Vietnam War. Supposing he was 22 in 1970, when the war was starting to undeniably look like a seriously lost cause because colonialism does not work. This novel was published in 2021. So Dirk Pitt has to be at the very least, some seventy years old at this point. Yeah. Just saying. At least James Bond had the decency to reboot! LOL! But here's the real issue: how is this remotely Clive Cussler's when he died some two years ago? Instead of coming up with something new, his son is riding his father's coattails and trying to suck every last cent from an aging character he had no hand on creating.
The Beaumont Brothers: Complete Box Set by Leslie North
A box set isn't complete if it doesn't have a box! "The billionaire Beaumont brothers love their playboy ways. When an unexpected clause in their grandfather’s will means they’re suddenly in the market for marriage, each brother has a different strategy, but all three are destined for scorching hot chemistry!" What is that scorching chemistry? Is it napalm by any chance? And what self-respecting woman would want their diseases? Yawn.
The Salvation: Unseen by Aubrey Clark
"Elena and her friends are enjoying a rare period of undisturbed happiness — but as a Guardian, Elena knows it won’t last. And soon, they find themselves facing off against two vicious enemies..." in this direct rip-off of Vampire Academy! Would one of those enemies be the strigoi, and the other someone from their own ranks? Barf. Get an original idea for Bram's sake!
Crime & Punctuation by Kaitlyn Dunnett
"First in a series!" Of course it is, because this small town will prove to be more deadly than Chicago. "A small town in the Catskills is rocked when a local novelist dies in exactly the same manner as the victim in her book." Been there done that - a score of times already. "Editor Mikki Lincoln refuses to believe it’s a coincidence" Why would anyone in their right mind believe it's a coincidence? Barf.
No Graves As Yet by Anne Perry
"When Cambridge professor Joseph Reavley’s parents are killed in a car crash, he learns that his father was in possession of an explosive document with the power to change the course of history." An explosive document would change the course of history. Imagine sending out a bunch of documents that exploded when opened! Another idiotic book blurb.
Friday, September 17, 2021
Son of Thunder SC Mitchell
"Meghan Larson finds her stable life as a museum curator turned upside down when a curious Norse artifact arrives in the mail - and a strange man claiming to be the son of Thor shows up on the museum’s doorstep to retrieve it!" Of course he does because this is yet another dumbass novel where the female character becomes an adjunct of the hot guy. Barf. Not an original idea to be found here.
Daughter of Sparta by Claire M Andrews
"Daphne...embarks on a high-stakes quest with the annoyingly handsome god Apollo as her guide." Daphne is supposed to be a tough and fierce Spartan woman, although in the myth she was no such thing, so why render her that way and then neuter her by turning her into a rag doll in the hands of the 'annoyingly handsome' god? Barf! Here's yet another female author creating yet another limp, needy, worthless-without-a-man female character. In the original myth, Apollo is a stalker and Daphne has to beg for help from one of the other gods to escape him. This author wants to make a love story out of that? Get a clue. Please.
Shared by the Cowboys By Cassie Cole
"While researching her next novel, author Rebecca takes a job at Cassidy Ranch - where she falls for the rugged, irresistible Cassidy brothers. Why choose one cowboy when you can have three?" Three what? Diseases? Yet another woman writing another novel where a woman is a sex toy rather than a person. And why are these bare chested dudes always white guys? Who would want three cowaboys who apparently have only one shirt between them (judged by the idiotic cover) and who spend their entire day staring determinedly at the ground? How would they even notice a woman in the first place? They're probably looking to make sure they don't step in horseshit, but they all stepped into this novel. Go figure....
Upon Dragon’s Breath Trilogy By Ava Richardson/Replaced Parts By Stephanie Hansen
"Saffron was exiled from Torvald because of her ability to communicate with dragons. When she joins forces with reclusive young noble Bower, can they face the evil magic that ruined their kingdom?" Who cares when it's yet another in a long line of female-penned stories that says a woman is useless unless paired with a man to validate and protect her?
PAIRED WITH"In a dystopian 22nd century, Sierra spends her days rescuing animals from laboratories - but when she finds out where her long-missing father is imprisoned, she enlists her friends for a secret rescue mission to the planet Vortex." How is this any different from the one above? The blurb says, "her friends," but the cover shows the alt-right 'one woman and one man' because you just know a woman is usless without one, right? Ri-ight! Barf.
Angels of Omnis Addiction by Lola StVil
"After bookworm Emmy is attacked by demons, she learns she’s far from the normal girl she thought she was! A team of angels is assigned to protect her - and their leader is stubborn, gorgeous Marcus." Oh puleeze! For fuck's sake get a new shtick. Get an original idea. Quit wasting people's time with this cookie-cutter clone crap.
Thursday, September 16, 2021
The Song Machine by John Seabrook
Read nicely by Dion Graham - although I could have done without his singing and his attempts to portray a woman speaking - this audiobook looks at how hit songs are made. It covers a wide variety of topics and a lot of the history of hit-making, but its focus is largely on the last few years, and I have to say there seems to be a strong bias toward recent solo female artists, for some reason, and I mean bias in coverage, not in praise.
One problem with the coverage is that it's very tabloid - we get sketches with some detail here and there, but never anything in any real depth. The author writes for a magazine and for all I know these chapters are merely a collection of articles he wrote which have simply been shuffled together for this book, but the result - however it came about - is like a bubblegum song version of the music industry - light, shallow, frothy, without too much musical depth.
For all that, I was entertained and informed by it, but there were times I wanted better, less shallow, and less one-sided coverage than I got. It felt like he was trying to keep the hit-makers happy and cared little for the singers. On the other hand, I must confess I have little regard for those who can only sing. I much prefer an artist who can write and play, as well as belt out the finished song, but those people get scarce coverage here.
It's bothering that an older white guy who seems very retro in his social attitudes, is so up in the business of female artists of color, often denigrating them in the process, while seemingly fawning over the record producers - the ones with the real power these days, who are also all guys, often white guys from Sweden. Apparently this system works because we read that 77% of the profits in the music business go to 1% of the artists. This explains a lot of very rich artists these days, but whether that's what the world wants or needs is another matter. It's disturbing that far less than 1% of the songs that are out there in any given year are the ones that bring in nearly all the revenue.
The book also covers the changing landscape of hit-making from when a talented artist wrote, played and sang their own material to the modern era where hits have become as much science as art, and where as many as half-a-dozen or more exerts are brought in to craft various portions - even tiny ones - of what's essentially a scientifically-designed song. The bulk of the book is about that latter part, and there's heavy coverage of white producer "Doctor Luke," who admittedly has generated a lot of hits.
Of course not all hits are made that way and I wish this book had covered a wider variety of songs, producers, and artists than it does, but it was nevertheless an interesting story as far as it went, and certainly an educational one for me. That said, coverage of the topic is in many ways almost random and quite spotty, and it's largely of the reporting kind - there's no real analysis of the material going on here, and as is often the case in works of fiction produced in the US, this non-fiction book produced in the US is pretty much all USA all the time. It really doesn't recognize that there are other places in the world - except in process of mentioning the Swedish producers who have influenced US music. That said, the US music business is a huge portion of those billions I mentioned earlier.
From the nineties to the twenty-teens, world-wide revenue from the music business plummeted from almost thirty billion dollars to about half that. This book examines the reasons for that slide, not least of which is of course Napster and subsequently its business replacement, Spotify. Apple's iTunes did the same thing back then to music, that Amazon has since done to fiction, which is crashing the price of a work down to 99 cents. So was it Napster which did the damage, or Apple's rock-bottom prices, or both, along with other causes? Probably a mix.
Of course the problem with putting out an audiobook of this nature is that it begs to have the songs - or at least snippets of them included for listening, especially if it's a song you may never have heard, even if you've heard of the song. Why that wasn't done I do not know, but in a sort of a 'review' book like this, I doubt it was a copyright issue. You don't need to include all of the song, and fair use certainly should permit a snatch of some music when you're actually writing about how it came to be.
But then this book is what it says it is: it's about the hit-makers, not the hits, so I guess you take it or leave it, but with these caveats, I commend it as a worthy listen. If you have access to Netflix, there's a very short series on there titled 'This is Pop' which has nothing to do with this book, but which covers some contingent topics and which makes a great companion listen, broadening your scope a lot.
Legacy Marines by Jonathan P Brazee
This attempt at a Tom Clancy military manual is doomed. It's a dual PoV - fortunately not first person or I wouldn't be reading it at all more than likely - but almost as annoying. This means of course that every chapter has one of the two main characters names as a chapter title, alternating in tedious tick-tock fashion like a military march. Barf! It’s boring and it results in unintentionally amusing chapter openings such as this one:
Chapter 4 NoahThat's the dumb stupidity of two person POV. There's probably another chapter in there, starting in just the opposite fashion. That, on top of the mil-speak with endless, tedious acronyms, was simply annoying. Some - but not all - of the acronyms have a superscript number attached to them, but this is useless because it’s not link, and even if it were, they often appear so close to the edge of the screen that if you were to try and tap on it to go see the reference, you would instead swipe the screen. Stupid and ill-conceived. The description should be right there in the text unless this is written only for soldiers.
The author makes the David Weber mistake of assuming the military in 3-D space will conduct itself exactly as it does in 2-D surface warfare, and it’s all naval speak. It’s like the author took Horatio Hornblower and just moved him into space with no other changes, and it’s stupid. Also, once again, despite the marines supposedly being international, it’s really all American all the time, because as you know, the rest of the world can go hornblow itself.
One again in a futuristic (co-called) military drama, there are no robots and zero AI. There's a nod and a wink to it, but it’s never used. In fact there's a distinct aversion using it! At one point, we learn that the 'AI chip' in their battle helmets has been updated for their new location, but this idiot one of the 'twins' refuses to use it to find her way because it's perceived as a weakness! That's about the equivalent of a marine facing off on the battlefield with an enemy soldier and refusing to use their firearm, but pulling out a knife instead. Stupid. Is it because the author is a male writer and there's the cliché that men won't ask for directions, and this is being projected onto the female character? Whatever is the reason, it's not a good one.
But it gets worse. Despite having some majorly advanced technology - and apparently FTL travel, since they're located much closer to the center of the galaxy than Earth is, there are zero robots. Everything is done by humans despite the fact that now, in 2021, we have very effective robots galore, including military drones, and quite advanced AIs. It's the Star Trek stupidity all over again. The only thing more stupid than Star Trek is Star Wars which does have robots, but they're appallingly stupid and annoying. But here we have the marines training in 'PICS' which has no explanation that I recall for the acronym, but which I assume is something like Personal Integrated Combat Suit.
I read, with regard to enemy being able to track the suits and zero in on them for targeting, "But the fractured-array made it difficult to focus on an individual PICS, whether from eyesight or sensors. In his father’s day, a fractured-array merely 'bent' the lights waves. Now, not only were the waves distorted, but fifty times a second, the array shifted, which sent spoofing images randomly...." The thing is, once again, the author is focused only on the visual sense. Yes, he mentions 'sensors', but there’s nothing on how the suit supposedly fools those.
The thing is that a mechanical suit will put out a radar reflection, it will put out a heat signature, it will put out electronic frequencies (especially if the soldiers are communicating with one another as they would have to be). And even if it put out none of this at detectable levels, it would not matter to an enemy because they would simply blanket the ground with high explosive rounds and kill every last one of a bunch of marines trundling up on bulky mech suits! This whole thing made no sense; it sounded like the kind of simplistic idea a writer would put into a children's story, and that was another problem with this: the story seemed to be adult, but the writing was aimed much lower down the age range.
The story is of a pair of twins - so called. They're drawn to look identical on the cover; in fact, I’d wager it’s the same drawing with a few tweaks - but twins of different genders are not monozygotic and they would not look like identical twins. They may look completely different. One of them is the go-getter gung-ho female who is given such a 'man-with-tits' aura that she's really a caricature, and of course her brother is the polar opposite. Both were a bit of a joke.
The 'futuristic' weapons were a bit of a laugh, too. I read this at one point when the girl gets her firearm: "The M99 was a dart thrower, firing a hypervelocity 8mm dart that was accelerated with mag rings and capable of reaching 2,010 meters per second past the muzzle. The body of the dart was nowhere near 8mm across, but once it was fired, fins popped out for stability, and it was the fins that stretched 8mm." The thing is that some 2k m/s is almost twice the fastest muzzle velocity of anything available today and even if it was achieved, should anything 'pop' out of the projectile, even fins, it would more than likely ruin the trajectory at such hyper-speeds. It made no sense.
The female main charcater comes off a a complete jerk who thinks nothing of using her father's famous name to get privileges. I read thsi at one point:
"OK, I’m forwarding it now, Mz Lysand—" he started before looking up in surprise. "Esther Lysander? As in Ryck Lysander?"
So obviously, she thinks nothing of fucking with people to get get her own privileged way and it's not a good idea to render one of your main characters - your heroic ones that is - as completely unlikeable right from the off. I certainly did not like her, and her brother was no better, so I saw no reason to get interested in either of them. This was especially true since the author seemed hell-bent upon setting the sotry up to be utterly predictable, having the gung-ho "against type" (not!) female soldier get schooled and the 'sensitive guy' male soldier become heroic. Barf.
I quit reading this because it offered nothing new and nothing interesting to me. I don't think the author knows how to write a realistic female character for a situation like this. The characters felt flat. One of them was too boring and the other too ridiculous. It was as though the author had decided to write the man as the woman and vice-versa - from a traditional PoV, that is - and it really didn't work. The only character that even remotely intrigued me was the one who went by 'Princess Mayhem', but she was barely in the book - in the first 50% anyway. The story was terribly lethargic, too. You could honestly have skipped the entire first thirteen chapters, which were tiresomely like a prologue, and come in when the first mission started, and not have missed anything important, useful, or entertaining. I ditched it at just past 50%, and I cannot commend it as a worthy read.
Monday, September 13, 2021
Bad Intentions by Carmen Falcone
"First in a series" of course it is! "Single mom Nikki is dared to buy a drink for a hot stranger - but she isn't prepared for her scorching connection to sexy Cole! When they realize he's her new boss, the workplace tension only adds fuel to their uncontrollable chemistry." Cole - fuel? Really? I predict that Nickers is going to become very well-acquainted with treatments for venereal diseases. And this addresses nothing about how inappropriate their relationship is given that he's her boss. But who gives a fuck when it's all about sex conflated mistakenly with romance?
Sunday, September 12, 2021
Seduction by ZL Arkadie
"First in a series" Of course it is! Because one rape is never enough. "Penina Ross" Penina? Seriously? Why not just call her Jism? "...refuses to be distracted by her new boss, Dr Jake Sparrow — even though he’s jaw-droppingly hot. But when an accident leads to her living in his apartment, Penina doesn’t know how long she can resist his seductive ways" Yeah, because a woman effectively held captive by an authority figure is not at all in an inferior position. Tell me again why female authors persistently do this to their female charcters?
Return to Magnolia Bloom by Paula Adler
"Paige MacInnes sets out to rediscover herself in the Texas town of Magnolia Bloom." Anything with 'magnolia' anywhere on the cover is a wonderful emetic. Hospitals use it with great success in cases of poisoning.
Rebel Sword by Peter Bostrom
Private Lucas Walker’s dead-end job on a tiny Pluto moon" Why? Are there no robots or AIs that could do this? And WTF is that job exactly? "...is shaken up when a spatial-temporal vortex opens and a deadly army appears." Thank god for that. An army that wasn't deadly would be laughable, wouldn't it? And what's with the sword? Naturally it's "First in a series." Barf.
Pandora by Anne Rice
"When David Talbot meets Pandora, the first vampire ever made by Marius, he convinces her to share the story of her life." Anne Rice is ripping-off herself now! Isn't this the same story she already told in "This is Your Vampire Life" or whatever the fuck that story was?
Storm and Fury by Jennifer L Armentrout
"Trinity, a teen with paranormal gifts, lives in fear of murderous demons." Don't we all? My question is, why did so many of them vote for Donald Trump?
Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee
"Noah, a trans teen, runs a popular blog sharing happy trans love stories — but they’re all made up. When a bully exposes his secret," So wait, when someone tells the truth about someone else's lies, he's a bully, somehow? "... will a fake relationship fix everything" Yeah, because the way to fix a string of lies is to add yet another to them. This guy is a fucking moron. Way to represent trans people as serial liars.
A Happy Catastrophe by Maddie Dawson
"Though Marnie and Patrick are total opposites, they know they’re a perfect pair — so what if Patrick doesn’t want kids?" Then they're not the perfect pair. Next question? "But everything changes when an eight-year-old arrives on their doorstep" Yep. Patrick starts abusing the kid something chronic. It's awful, until the kid violently rebels against his tyranny, then it becomes a remake of If.
Case of the One-Eyed Tiger by JM Poole
When murder and theft turn a peaceful Oregon town upside down, all eyes turn to newcomer Zack Anderson!" Why? Is he the perp? Do they hate the local sheriff? Is he a complete bumbler? "Can Zack find the real culprit with the help of his whip-smart corgi, Sherlock?" Are you fucking kidding me? And relaly, who gives a shit? Corgis, BTW, are not in the top ten smartest dog breeds....
You Can’t Buy Love by Melanie A Smith
"Julianna, an overworked nurse practitioner, is not thrilled about attending a stuffy hospital gala. When she meets handsome stranger Noah, their sparks lead to a hot one-night stand." And Julianna spends her next few months exploring the cornucopia of antibiotics available to in her hospital, in desperate hoeps tha tone fo them will fight the resistant sexual disease this dipshit contracted by having unsafe sex on the first date with a complete stranger. Moron.
The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards
I refuse to read novels where the main female character is reduced to being an appendage of someone else right from the title. She's not a whole person in herself, she's just someone's daughter! "After his wife gives birth to twins, Dr. David Henry makes a shocking decision that will echo throughout his family’s future." Yep, he conjoins the twins and makes a super baby.
The First Protectors by Victor Godinez
"Navy SEAL vet Ben just wants to live restfully with his dog" How many times, exactly has this 'expert brought out of retirement' bullshit been written? About a hundred too many. Unimaginative, repetitive, clone. Barf.
Crown of Coral and Pearl by Mara Rutherford
No wonder the Kirkus Jerkoffs loved this. Is there any written word they don't like? If you love every book, your reviews are worthless. This dumbass plot has twins and brothers and a love triangle. Here it is. Check your higher brain functions at the front cover: "Nor is chosen to marry prince Ceren after her identical twin is injured." Why? "But she soon falls for his brother, Talin" Of course she does and Ceren is the evil bro. Yeah right. Barf.
Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry by Joya Goffney
No wonder the dipshits at the Kircus circus loved this. "After Quinn’s journal goes missing, a mysterious blackmailer threatens to leak its contents to her whole school — unless she faces her worst fears." Ri-ight. She's a fuckign highschooler. What secrets can she have exactly? But go ahead and let the blackmailer win instead of running his or her ass in to the police. yawn.
Port Danby Cozy Mystery Series: Books 1–3 by London Lovett
"In a charming seaside town, flower shop owner Lacey Pinkerton uses her exceptional sense of smell to sniff out killers! Follow her sleuthing..." Nope. That word made me feel ill. Besides, if she can literally sniff out killers, why is she in a little seaside town instead of doing some real good in a murder capital like Chicago? Barf. These cozy mystery (so-called) assholes want to treat murder like it's a cute little hobby. It isn't. It's fucking murder.
Saturday, September 11, 2021
Your Way Series: Books 1-3 by Jamey Moody
"Can three best friends - Frankie (Sinharder), Desi (Ornoz), and Stella (Gutter-Groove) - run their own dream business together (clearly from the title it's a Burger King franchise) and find love when they least expect it?" Nope. They all end up murdering each other in the deep fat fryer in volume 3, but until then it's mustard.... Seriously, WTF did you expect? What kind of dumb-ass question is that? Nothing to read here.
In Cold Blood by Jane Bettany
"When DI Isabel Blood is summoned to investigate a body in the back garden of the house where she grew up 40 years earlier, she discovers she cannot escape the secrets of her past." So what do we have here? Yet another series where the main character's asinine name is used tediously in endless permutations in the title and an investigator who has a darkly secret past? So in short, there's not a single thing that's remotely new in this series! Nope. It's precisely the same as all other such series. What other titles can there be? Blood Will Out? Blood Brothers? Bad Blood? Blood and Guts? Blue Blood? Blood Diamonds? Fortunately this is going to be a short series. I do have a soft spot for the name Jane, but yawn!
Prime Deceptions by Valerie Valdes
I got all excited thinking this was an exposé of Amazon's business practices, but it's actually just a novel. "When Captain Eva Innocente sets out to find a missing scientist, she crisscrosses space with the crew of La Sirena Negra, her estranged mother, and a contingent of psychic cats!" The captain is named Eve the innocent? Seriously? No, the truth here is that the crew are a bunch of pussies and the captain ain't as innocente as she seems! Dumb-assery at its best. Barf.
Charlotte's Search: The Complete Series by Simone Leigh
"In this erotic BDSM box set, Charlotte navigates life with her dominant lovers, James and Michael. Will a wedding bring her the happiness she seeks? An explosive ménage romance!" This title needs to be renamed Ménage to Society. Or Middling Ménage-ment. Barf. And if it's a boxed set I want a goddammned motherfucking box. okay?
A Thin Line by Craig N Hooper
"After being framed for murder by someone he was supposed to have killed, former agent Garrison Chase races to clear his name." Waht agent? Insurance? Travel? And Chase races? Toward the finishing thin line? Barf.
The Inverted Pyramid by AC Fuller
"In the lead-up to a presidential election, Alex Vane's business partner disappears, leaving behind a strange trail that leads right to a recently murdered hacker. Can Alex unravel the case" or will he have the smarts to get the fuck out of the way and leave it up to the experts in the Secret Service? There's no point to the inverted pyramid.
Treason Flight by TR Matson
"As US Navy pilot Jack "Rattler" Owen" Stop right there! Time to tell this author to jack off for using the world's most appallingly meaningless, over-employed, go-to tough guy name ever. Get a new shtick. Please.
The Case of the Green-Eyed Sister by Erle Stanley Gardner
Does anyone really care that Scott "I used to be an attorney" Turow thinks this is a brilliant series? The plot has it that: "When a case of blackmail leads to murder, defense lawyer Perry Mason must untangle a deadly web of secrets and lies." Nope. All he has to do is defend his client. The name 'Perry Mason means 'a bricklayer who dwells by a pear tree', but let's talk about the real culprit here: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I put it to you that this author never was a gardener; nor is he an earl. So in truth, can we really rely on anything he says? With that last name maybe this should be retitled "The Case of the Green-Tumbed Sister"?
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