Here's a 'no' right from the title. I refuse to have anything to do with novel that from the very title on down makes its main character and appendage of someone else, so Salisbury has a lto at stake.... "Twylla’s special gift" Twylla? Really? That's the best you got? "...makes her both valuable and dangerous — she can kill with a single touch. Isolated in the castle and waiting to be married to a prince, she meets a guard who doesn’t seem afraid of her power" of course she doe sbecause no matter what her power is, it;s inevitbalr the case that any woman in a YA novel absolutely requires a guy to save and vlaidate her. She;s utterly useless on ehr own. YA writers have this established in the constitution now. Woe betide anyone who disobeys their law. Barf.
Monday, November 1, 2021
The Gratitude Car by Isabelle Child, Vanity Olaires, Lana Mol
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
This work is translated from the original Spanish, I assume, and I think it lost something in the translation. Curiously this did not appear to be a language issue! I would have loved to have seen the original version, but all I get is the ebook version which unfortunately too often leaves something to be desired. I'm not Spanish speaker by any means, but I feel I understand enough of it that - in a children's book like this - I could probably have got more out of the original than I did out of this.
I enjoyed the sentiment in this much more than the execution. The idea behind it is that not everyone gets what they want. No surprises there! But you can at least enjoy what you did get or what you already have. The idea is that this one family created a little paper 'car' which was actually a truck. I'm not sure why the original 'camion' (Spanish for 'truck') was translated this way unless it's because it's hard to get good rhymes with 'truck', but since car (In Spanish, that is 'coche') is only used in a rhyme once (with jar) in the entire book, it seems like a better choice would be 'cab', maybe.
However, this book was designed as a paperback with cutout plans for your own truck, which you can glue or stick together, so they were really rather locked into the original scheme. Anyway the idea is that they fill the back of the truck with their own grateful notes - about something they got which may not have been ideal, but for which they were thankful. This is a great attitude to have, but is the irony that the artwork in this book is so poor that one really needs to fill out a note saying how grateful we are for the bad artwork, because it's better than none at all?
I honestly do not know how this English version was made, but the feeling I got, right or wrong, is that maybe there never was an electronic version of this and in order to create the English review version, the original had to be scanned into a computer and maybe have English text added to it? Whatever it was, the end result is completely unacceptable.
The electronic version I got was appallingly scrappy, with very grainy artwork and poor positioning of the English text. I can't commend a version like this. Like I said, I never get to see the print version, but I sincerely hope it's better than this; however, given that all I have to judge this by is the version I was allowed to download, I cannot commend it because the design and quality of it are a disaster. Children - especially the impoverished ones this is evidently aimed at - deserve a lot better than this.
Jake and Ava A Boy and a Fish by Jonathan Balcombe, Rebecca Evans
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
I had thought this would be another grandpa fishing story, but it turned out to be a whole other kettle of fish, and being a lifelong vegetarian myself, I fully approved! It's a great book to be reviewing as the COP26 goes on right now.
I admired the stance taken here, because it's a very hard sell in the USA where everyone grows up feeling they have the innate right to rape and pillage nature and the hell with the consequences, and very few people ever truly question it - not really question it. But the fact is that life doesn't work the way most Americans like to comfortably think it does. The world isn't our oyster. Nature isn't here for us, and it isn't endlessly resilient. Now this self-centered 'I own it' attitude is coming back around to bite us, and we're starting to learn some hard lessons.
Fortunately Jake learns an easy lesson when he goes on the traditional fishing trip with grandpa. I never did go an any trips with any grandpas, but I would definitely have been Jake had I done so! They find a nice creek to set a lure and sit there waiting for a bite. This is how we mimic the manly man 'conquering' nature. Sad, isn't it? Meanwhile we get the underwater story too, as an uncle and his niece - archer fish - go out hunting themselves, and Ava is the fish who mistakenly bites on Jake's lure.
Jake chooses compassion for the fish and lets her go. He will never know it was Ava, and she will never know it was Jake, but that was decidedly a magical moment! I fully commend this book as both a worthy read and an unexpected and unusual bonus. And I wish it all the success in the world.
I'll Go Rhythm by Justin Webb, Kayla Stark
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
This was a sweet and up-to-the-minute book of about 20 pages, creatively illustrated by Stark, and written in rhyme by Webb. It's about how people are herded and misled by the social media that most of us are hobbled to. I loved the title! Very much my kind of a play on words!
If you wanted to watch something truly scary for Halloween, you should have ditched the usual fare and watched a documentary on Netflix titled The Social Dilemma which is about how the social networks drill down on you and record your every nuance every time you do anything online. They know you better than you know yourself and they have algorithms in place to take advantage of the vast database that they own and that is you, and they will feed you things that are not intended to be necessarily in your best interest, but which are certainly intended to stroke your ego and keep you addicted to the platform you're on. There's a reason people who avail themselves of these services are called 'users'. It's the reason I have zero social media presence.
That was very much a documentary aimed at grown-ups; this book could well be the young children-accessible equivalent, right here. The story explains in terms children can understand, how your 'phantom friend' will come and lure you into seeking approval, getting those all-important likes, going down rabbit holes that reinforce themselves all along the way, and essentially wasting time getting depressed about your life and feeling bad about yourself, buoyed up just enough, now and then from the occasional thrill of finding something you like or that seems designed especially with you in mind, to keep you coming back. It's a sad and dependent way to live, and this book illustrated the dangers admirably - along with the wise choice of the girl to go her own way and follow the beat of her own drum. I commend it as a worthy read.
The Adventures of Johnny Butterflyseed by Tarisa Parrish, Stephanie Richoll
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
The United States is a nation not known for its love of monarchs - in fact, its very existence is due to overturning one. Whether that historical lack of respect has any bearing on the plight of the present day monarch butterfly is an open question, but these are modern day monarchs which are suffering every bit as much as King George 3rd did with his mystery illness. They're just suffering in a different way.
With the solid words of Parrish, based on real-life experience, and the beautiful art of Richoll and her charming butterfly girls, this book tells a short story of how every one of us can become a 'butterfly farmer' and help grow the milkweed that in turns grows the monarchs, and will help them recover from farming practices that have not been the monarch's friend - nor the friend to a host of other wildlife either.
For me the language of the story was a bit overly-florid at times, but it was about flowers and butterflies after all, so I guess I can't complain about that! I did love the story, and especially the can-do positivity, as well as the idea that everybody can pitch in here, and I fully commend this as a worthy read.
The Happy Owls by Celestino Piatti
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
Boldly drawn and colored by the author, this book is short and sweet and very much to the point, if only you're open to the message! The owls always seem content, cooing softly in their tumble-down ruin of a building. Meanwhile in the nearby farmyard, the animals are always feeding their faces and then squabbling. The wise owls try to explain that they should enjoy the moment, live for the now, and enjoy each new season as it comes around once more, but the impatient farmyard critters don't seem to get it. The owls do though and that's all that matters to them! They can't force others to understand. The story was entertaining and surprisingly deep and warm, and I commend this as a worthy read.
The Power of Kindness Through the Eyes of Children by Ruth Maille
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
Written by Ruth Maille, with art by the Pencilmaster Studio, this book of about twenty nicely-illustrated and colorful pages talks children through not only what kindness actually is, but also encourages them to share examples of kind things that a child might do, thereby illustrating and reinforcing an important lesson. There are many ways to be kind, and this book certainly gives a wide variety of options, ideas, and suggestions. The artwork is wonderfully diverse, although it would not have hurt to have had a disability represented in there. Other than that, it was very well done and I commend this as a worthy read.
Feeling Lonely by Mary Lindeen
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
This is the third of three books by this author for young kids I'll be reviewing this month, which focus on difficult feelings that children may have, and may not even have a name for, much less understand, but which are an important part of life; sometimes a debilitating one, and which cover topics such as sadness, shyness, and in this case, loneliness. The book does a great job of dissociating minor, transient feelings of being alone, from a more serious condition of feeling lonely and not a part of things, even when there are others around you having fun and enjoying company.
The book is about thirty pages long and consists of a series of photographs, mostly of children, accompanied by short captions discussing the topic, asking questions, offering ideas and suggestions about what to do if you have these feelings, how to recognize them, and how to deal with them if you think you see these same feelings in others.
The captions are not overly dramatic. They're quite nuanced and very reasonable, and indicate that some people might not just be alone on occasion, but more commonly feel apart and isolated from everyone else even when there are others around. I felt this was a good approach in that it leads children to think more about their feelings and to distinguish better between something that's not a worry, and something else that might need their attention, and even the help of others.
The book is very diverse in its imagery, featuring children of all ethnicities, but for me there was a complete lack of pictures showing children with any sort of disability. While I can see how that could distract somewhat from the main topic, or perhaps even lead to some confusion, my own feeling is that it would not hurt to have shown a child with crutches or in a wheelchair or something like that. A disability might well be a root cause of feelings of loneliness, sadness, or shyness.
That was my only concern about the book. Otherwise it was wonderful, and I commend this one as a worthy read to both educate children to the problem of loneliness, which is not easy to pin down, and also to encourage those who are experiencing such feelings to open up and perhaps even encourage them to reach out and seek the help they need as well as promote awareness in other children of these conditions.
Feeling Sad by Mary Lindeen
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
This is the second of three books by this author for young kids I'll be reviewing this month, which focus on difficult feelings that children may have, and may not even have a name for, much less understand, but which are an important part of life; sometimes a debilitating one, and which cover topics such as loneliness, shyness, and in this case, sadness.
The book is about thirty pages long and consists of a series of photographs, mostly of children, accompanied by short captions discussing the topic, asking questions, offering ideas and suggestions about what to do if you have these feelings, how to recognize them, and how to deal with them if you think you see these same feelings in others. Feelings of sadness can derive from a variety of sources and this book does a great job is indicating this.
The captions are not overly dramatic. They're nuanced and reasonable, and indicate that some people might experience some of these feelings part of the time, but otherwise feel fine. In other cases, the feelings might be more pressing. I felt this was a good approach in that it leads thoughts into these areas without risking making children feel like they might be experiencing something they're really not.
Some of the children are so small in these pictures, and so perfectly-formed tiny human beings that it's really a grave pain in the heart to imagine any of them might have feelings such as those that this - and the other books - try to address, but it is a fact of life, and the sooner it's addressed, the better off we all are, not just the child who might be experiencing unaccountable feelings of sadness.
The book is commendably diverse in the imagery it employs, featuring children of all ethnicities. I did note a complete lack of pictures showing children with any sort of disability. I can see how that might distract somewhat from the main topic, or perhaps even lend some confusion, but I honestly do not think it would have hurt to have shown a child with crutches or in a wheelchair. A disability might well be a root cause of feelings of loneliness, sadness, or shyness.
That was my only concern about the book. Otherwise it was wonderful, and I commend this one as a worthy read to both educate children to the issue of sadness in young children, especially when they have been, and are going, through hell with the pandemic, and hopefully to encourage those who don't feel at their happiest, to reach out to others instead of withdrawing.
Feeling Shy by Mary Lindeen
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
This is the first of three books by this author for young kids I'll be reviewing this month, which focus on difficult feelings that children may have, and may not even have a name for, much less understand, but which are an important part of life; sometimes a debilitating one, and which cover topics such as loneliness, sadness, and in this case, shyness. I can relate since I was terribly shy as a kid. Actually maybe not terribly - I was rather good at being shy!
The book is about thirty pages long and consists of a series of photographs, mostly of children, accompanied by short captions discussing the topic, asking questions, offering ideas and suggestions about what to do if you have these feelings, how to recognize them, and how to deal with them if you think you see these same feelings in others.
The captions are not overly dramatic. They're nuanced and reasonable, and indicate that some people might experience some of these feelings part of the time, but otherwise feel fine. In other cases, the feelings might be more pressing. I felt this was a good approach in that it leads thoughts into these areas without risking making children feel like they might be experiencing something they're really not.
The book is very diverse in its imagery, featuring children of all ethnicities. I did note a complete lack of pictures showing children with any sort of disability. I can see how that might distract somewhat from the main topic, or perhaps even lend some confusion, but I honestly do not think it would have hurt to have shown a child with crutches or in a wheelchair. A disability might well be a root cause of feelings of loneliness, sadness, or shyness.
That was my only concern about the book. Otherwise it was wonderful, and I commend this one as a worthy read to both educate children to this problem, and to encourage those who are shy to perhaps find ways out of that shell of isolation.
Twas the Night by Marin Darmonkow
From an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.
This was a beautifully-done book, with twelve pages (double page spreads that is - very likely for each of the twelve days of Christmas!) and no text at all. It tells itself: a young wheelchair-traveling boy finds an injured dove and takes it home and cares for it until it's well, and in doing so dreams of flying away from his own confinement, just as the dove must also dream. Sweet story, beautiful sentiments, gorgeous Christmassy illustrations. I commend it fully as a worthy seasonal read.
Apocalypse by Kyle West
"On his first trip outside the underground bunker where he was born, Alex Keener finds a barren landscape where humans have been transformed into monsters and every breath is a fight for survival." Any word on how many scores of times this exact same story has been told? What a great original title though. Not.
Emerge by Melissa A Craven
Is Melissa a craven cloner of previously published stories, because this shtick: "Socially awkward Allie finds her life transformed when she meets her mysterious new next-door neighbor, Aidan" has been done to death. There's nothing new here. Yawn.
Watching the Detectives by Julie Mulhern
Taking its title, perhaps, from Elvis Costello's 1977 single, this book launches right in with a problematic blurb: "Inspired Amateur sleuth" - that's me out right there. No sleuths, please. "Ellison Russell is searching high and low for a murderer." That's why the murderer is hiding out at middle height, where Ellison, for some reason, seems particularly squeamish about searching. "Her country club society is filled with gossips, scoundrels, and unsavory gentlemen" so why does she inhabit it? This doesn't exactly fill me with confidence, and especially not when another amateur meddler like this is screwing-up the crime scenes and more than likely withholding crucial evidence from the actual police. Yawn.
Wicked by EM Lindsey
"Hawke takes refuge from his difficult past in the Broken Chains motorcycle club — and he’ll do absolutely anything for his brothers. But Jax" Hawke and Jax? seriously? That's the best you got? I could barely stop laughing for long enough to even type these words. What a dumb-ass, retreaded, piece of shit story this is! Barf! I can guarantee you that there's nothing remotely wicked in it.
Wolf Point by Ian K Smith
"When a prominent Chicagoan’s watery death is ruled a suicide, PI Ashe Cayne" Ashe Cayne? Seriously? That's the dumb-ass name you came up with? The dumb-asses at Publishers Weekly supposedly claimed, "This is smart, smooth escapism. Readers will hope Cayne will be back soon" But no. We don't. What we hope is that smart, inventive, original, and truly imaginative authors will come back soon.
Nightmares! by Jason Segel, Kirsten Miller
“Coraline meets Monsters, Inc." That's me out right there. It's insulting when someone compares you as an author to a mashup of two other authors, or your work to a blend of two other works - like you ripped it off. "Charlie must learn to conquer his fears when his nightmares start crossing over into the real world"? Seriously? Doesn't he have a chocolate factory to run, too! There's a serious problem here and Charlie is right to be scared that his nightmares are coming out onto Elm Street. Oh, wait: now there's a third mashup! Ye gads!
Next Year in Havana by Chanel Cleeton
Reese Witherspoon apparently declared this to be "A beautiful novel that’s full of forbidden passions, family secrets, and a lot of courage and sacrifice" I mean, who cares what it's about! "She" recommends it! Well, if she recommends it, I'm out. This is the woman who, in 2013, was arrested for disorderly conduct after her husband was stopped on suspicion of DWI. She then had the snotty pretentiousness to ask the police officer, doing his job, "Do you know my name? You’re about to find out who I am! You’re about to be on national news." In short, she's an asshole and I would never want any book I wrote to be remotely associated with her name.
Ninth City Burning by J Patrick Black
"On a devastated future Earth, military cadet Jax and migrant Naomi join an epic quest to stop a terrifying alien invasion!" as opposed to those invasions that aren't remotely terrifying and in fact are quite fun? Barf. And once again, we have the most over-employed go-to guy Jack - or in this futuristic version, Jax, which is just as bad. Do these authors have no imagination? So, no thanks. I'll catch the next "terrifying invasion." And what's with that ninth city? I'll bet it's the ninth US city, not the ninth in the world, because who cares if the rest of the world is burning?!
Looking for Rachel Wallace by Robert B Parker
"When the woman private eye Spenser was hired to protect disappears," it means he's an utterly incompetent, useless asshole and we shouldn't read anything more about him. Any novel with a woman's name in the title prefixed by a 'looking for' or an 'in search of' is an automatic piece of shit, so the decision is a no-brainer - as is his story.
Zero Cool by Michael Crichton aka John Lange
"A lively thriller about an American doctor whose European vacation turns into a death-defying hunt for ancient secrets." So, Crichton has outright lied to people about who he is and now he's owning up to it, we're expecting to reward his estate by buying more of his right-wing diatribes? No. Not me.
Her Best Friend’s Lie by Laura Wolfe
"Five college friends rent a remote cabin on a lake, expecting an idyllic reunion. But some of them are keeping chilling secrets" Anyone want to hazard a guess as to how many times has this exact same story has been told already? Far too many, that's for sure. Barf. Some authors seriously need to get a clue.
Billionaire’s Matchmaker by Sierra Cartwright
"For professional matchmaker Hope, finding a wife for Rafe is just another job — until the sexy billionaire decides to claim her for his own." Ri-ight, because she's not a person, she's a piece of property to be claimed and owned. If any book needs to be banned, it's this kind of fucked up shit, for sure. Authors who write this trash should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. I wish them all the lack of sales in the world.
The Scarlet Rose by Valia Lind
"An enchanting Beauty and the Beast retelling." Of course it is, because if there's one thing this planet so desperately needs, it's yet another tired retelling of yet another tired fairytale that's only been done a score of dozens of times already. Yawn.
The Ghosts of Marshley Park by Amanda Innes
"When 16-year-old Jade wakes up in a graveyard and realizes she’s dead, she meets Victorian ghost Julian." Of course she does because if there's one thing that so many female YA authors have worked so very hard to so consistently establish it's that a woman, even a ghost woman, is utterly useless without a guy to prop her up. Barf. So this sixteen year old girl is now dating a hundred year old guy, who nevertheless behaves as though he's the same age as she is? Okay. And despite being around for a century, observing society changing, Julian is going to be utterly overwhelmed by this thoroughly modern force of nature that is sixteen year old Jade? Yawn. I've read more interesting tombstones.
The Dig by Steven F Freeman
"When two archaeologists are murdered and another goes missing, army veteran Alton and FBI agent Mallory are sent to the dig site to investigate." Of course they are because it has to be a relationship between one man and one woman otherwise it's unnatural. Yawn. And why the fuck is an army veteran going along? For his archaeological expertise? No, it's because he's going to rescue the poor useless weak woman. Fuck. This. Shit. But to be completely fair, what a stunningly original and inventive title this novel has....
The Stationmaster’s Cottage by Phillipa Nefri Clark
"After Christie inherits a ramshackle seaside cottage, she discovers mysterious wedding rings and a collection of love letters in the attic — and is swept up in a romantic story 50 years in the making." Anyone want to hazard a guess as to how many times has this exact same story has been told already? Far too many, that's for sure. Barf. Some authors seriously need to get a clue. Reference "Summer at Hideaway Key" by Barbara Davis, non-reviewed this month. It's the exact same story.
Sierra's Homecoming by Linda Lael Miller
"After moving to her family’s ranch with her son, Sierra finds herself falling for its handsome caretaker, Travis. And as her past begins to spill into her present, Sierra discovers that some love stories are as old as time." No, they're really not, because writers like this one, who evidently don't have an original bone in their body, keep retreading and republishing these same stories over and over again! Yawn.
Sherwood Outlaws Complete Box Set by Hayley Osborn
"When Maryanne is transported back in time to medieval England, she finds herself shaping a scoundrel named Robin Hood into the legend he’s fated to become." Oh puleaze! This woman goes back and has a YA romance, I'll bet, with zero problems in culture, language, gender politics, or anything else. Barf. No thanks! Dumb from the ground up. The author desperately needs some new zeal and this book should be ground up. And recycled. This, for example, is an exact copy of "King Arthur and Her Knights" by KM Shea with just a few name changes. I 'non-review. that above. Do these authors not have an original bone in their body?
Sweet Beginnings by Nicole Ellis
"When Dahlia" Dahlia? Really? How florid! "...returns to her late aunt’s seaside estate, she’s surprised to discover a run-down house and a struggling bookshop." Why surprised? She hadn't ever visited her old aunt, yet she's rewarded for that neglect by this bequest? Sounds fair. "With the help of handsome neighbor Garrett," Ri-ight, because every woman's endgame is a handsome and perfect guy.... "Book one in a series!" A series of what, exactly? Of Dahlia constantly having property willed to her from one death after another, going there, finding it run down and attached to a bookshop, or a cup-cake bakery, or a knitting shop, and meeting a handsome man? Barf. Sorry, but that story had already been done to death long before this unimaginative author cloned it for her own purposes.
She Rides Shotgun by Jordan Harper
"After her father, Nate, is released from prison, shy 11-year-old Polly joins him on the lam to escape the white supremacist group that has marked her for death." So essentially a re-write of True Grit. Got it. Yawn. Jordan Harper is the perfect name for the author of this story. Either that or Harper Jordan.
Summer at Hideaway Key by Barbara Davis
This whole title is a turn-off. Hideaway Key? Summer at this key? No thanks! "After inheriting her father’s quaint beach house, Lily unearths old journals that reveal surprising family secrets" No, it's not a surprise. It's entirely predictable because all these stories are exactly the same "...and embarks on her own journey of self-discovery." What, she didn't already know she existed? Wow. What a dumb-ass. Diane Chamberlain, whoever the fuck she is, says, "A story that moved me to tears." It would have the same effect on me, but I doubt for the same reason. Yawn.
Gone Again by James Grippando
"After a teenage girl disappears, Dylan is arrested when a piece of her clothing is found in his truck. It seems his fate is sealed — until Sashi’s mother claims to receive a call from her missing daughter… Can lawyer Jack prove a man’s innocence before he’s put to death?" How is he going to be convicted on one flimsy piece of evidence? This is the dumbest thing since the last novel this author wrote. And no, innocence does not have to be proved - guilt does! And the cliché of having Jack as your go-to character? Tired. Very tired. Yawn.
Boy Banned by RJ Scott
"When they both fail to qualify for Sing UK, Corey and Angel are given a chance to perform together in a boy band. But is it worth sacrificing who they are in order to achieve their dreams?" This author writes like there isn't a thriving community of performers self-releasing songs and putting up videos all over the Internet, where people get noticed, get acclaim, get contracts, get wealthy. What a maroon! Yawn.
Thorn Jack by Katherine Harbour
"When 17-year-old Finn moves to the sleepy town of Fair Hollow, she’s inexplicably drawn to enigmatic Jack" Again with the Jack-ass! It's jacked-up! It should be illegal to ever again use the name 'Jack' as the 'go to' lad in adventure stories. it's time to jack it in. It's been fucking done-to-death. Stop. Please stop! Get a clue. Try something original for once in your sorry life. I know you think it's a safe, Harbour, but it really isn't. This jack of all trades is a jack-off.
Sex and Vanity by Kevin Kwan
"When Lucie meets George on vacation, she can’t stand him — but something keeps pulling them together." Of course it does because you know the most natural and longlasting relationships on Earth are between people who have nothing on common and can't stand each other. And they never end up murdering each other. Barf.
Black Ocean Galaxy Outlaws Mission Pack 1 Missions 1–4 by JS Morin
"A box set" - so where's the box? There's no box here. "...of rollicking space missions" See? It's that 'rollicking' that turns me right off, but it gets worse. "Aboard the starship Mobius," Oh how cute! "Captain Carl Ramsey and his ragtag crew" See? ragtag. Right there. They're a rollicking ragtag crew. Where did this book blurb writer get their training? The International Retreaded Cliché School (IRCS for short)? Barf. This is a no-no. Black ocean might seem like a cool metaphor for space, but the ocean, as traveled by your everyday pirate ship, is a two-dimensional world. Space is not, and way too many sci-fi writers, especially in the universe of space operas, forget that far too readily. There's no reason whatsoever to think this will be any different - not with that tired and uninventive book blurb.
Brit vs Scot by Anna Durand
"His brother’s destination wedding at a nudist resort gives Grey Dixon time to win over the woman of his dreams - his best friend, Jessica O’Connor." And why would he need time to win her over when she's his best friend already? Another dumb-as-fuck non-romance by an author who, more likely than not, has never been to Britain. The reason I say this is that she seems not to understand that 'Brit(ish)' means a national or native of the United Kingdom - which includes Scotland. So what the fuck, exactly, does the title mean?
Chef’s Kiss by Stephanie Shea
"Valentina Rosas is fresh out of culinary school, eager to prove herself at the job she just landed. Jenn Coleman is the renowned chef of two Michelin-starred restaurants. When Valentina runs into Jenn — literally — things aren’t off to a great start… but soon the kitchen isn’t the only thing heating up!" Seriously that's your book description? That's the best you got? A tediously trope non-romance because you know it's going to be all about hot bodies and sex, and not a word about any other facets of a real relationship. Barf.
Christmas Bump by Trisha Ridinger McKee
"After Winona learns she’s pregnant, she decides it’s time to leave her sheltered life behind and moves to a quaint town famous for its Christmas festival." And the father is going to...what? And how is a quaint town different from her sheltered life? Barf! "But is there room in her new routine for Cooper, the charming local she’s falling for?" Is that a serious question? This whole set-up sounds bad in every aspect.
Love Unleashed by Julie Evelyn Joyce
"Hannah Barker wants to open a new dog park," Barker? Dog park? Are you kidding me? "...but the logistics have made her rivals with Kent Clarkson," Clark Kent? Really? What a super man he must be. "...a concerned single dad." Of course he is. "Before long, they’re going at it like cats and dogs." Of course they are. "But their bickering can’t hide their growing attraction forever." Of course it can't, because this exact same story has been told and retold a billion times. Obviously the best person to hook up with is the one you detest most, because they're never going to lose it with you and kill you in your sleep. Barf.
In Her Wake by Amanda Jennings
“Hauntingly beautiful” (Clare Mackintosh) - who the fuck is Clare Mackintosh and why the hell should I care what she thinks? "After her mother’s death, Bella discovers dark family secrets that threaten all she knows — including her own identity." Yeah because that always happens when someone dies in a family - at least it does in these dumbass novels. And so frequently, too. And the secrets are always shocking or Earth-shattering! Wow! Seriously? Clone much? There's nothing new here; nothing original; nothing inventive; nothing imaginative. Yawn.
The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry by Rachel Joyce
Highly unlikely, I'd say. "After receiving a letter from a dying friend, retired Englishman Harold Fry realizes he’s left some things unsaid — and so embarks on a 600-mile walk to say goodbye." Wait, his friend is dying - could pop off at any time - and this asshole walks there? I don't think I ever heard a dumber plot.
Silver Staked by Shannon Mayer, Denise Grover Swank
"Vampire hunter Lea’s world is upended when she becomes one of the bloodsuckers she was trained to kill." How is this even remotely original? And it took only two authors to write it! What an astounding achievement. Barf. And that title? Really?
Girl One Murder by Molly Black / Missed Me by Trevor Wiltzen
There is literally no difference between these two stories:
Girl One Murder by Molly Black
"When she receives a mysterious postcard promising the release of kidnapped women for every cold case she can solve, FBI special agent Maya Gray has no choice but to comply with the sender’s demands — especially because her own missing sister is one of the captives." Barf!
AND
Missed Me by Trevor Wiltzen
"As waitress and part-time private investigator Mabel Davison searches tirelessly for a woman’s missing daughter, she becomes embroiled in deadly local intrigue — and her own niece’s kidnapping raises the stakes even higher." Barf!
Hit Makers by Derek Thompson
Though the two books are unconnected, I think of this in the same light as The Song Machine by John Seabook which I favorably reviewed a short while back. This audiobook, read by the author, tells the same kind of story, but its reach is broader, going beyond music to movies, apps, and novels as well, but it's much more about how some things become popular while others do not, than it is about exactly what mechanics went into constructing something that's likely to become popular.
That said, its breadth extends only to the US borders - like there's nothing outside that's worth considering - and the book is very shallow on it's claim that it discusses "The Science of Popularity in an Age of Distraction." There's no science here. There really can't be - at least not yet, because liking or disliking something is such a whimsical, personal, popularity-based, and ultimately insubstantial thing that even crowd-sourcing it is unreliable. If you go into this as a business student, perhaps hoping to pick up some valuable marketing lessons, this book won't help you.
The book begins a hundred years ago and moves through art and design, to movies, particularly Disney, and to novels, looking at, for example, the "50 Shades of Gray" (barf!) phenomenon. The only sure conclusion is that nobody knows anything, least of all the people in the various entertainment industries who are paid the big bucks to find and promote successes. As often as not, you'd have as much success tossing a coin to decide as you would trusting these over-paid guys to make a competent prognostication. They have failed repeatedly. To give just two examples: over signing the Beatles to a record label, and over signing JK Rowling to a publisher.
Recently I was watching a Netflix show called "The Movies That Made Us" which looks at various popular movies and talks about how they got made, and in a recent season, this show looks at horror blockbusters, specifically, in three different episodes: Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Nightmare on Elm Street. I'm not a horror movie fan, but no-one can deny the success of all three of those movies and the franchises they spawned, yet not a single one of them got any backing from a major stuido, all of which thought the movies would flop.
The same thing happened to the "50 Shades" novel. It was fan fiction to begin with, based on the Twilight novel, but once the author realized it was becoming popular, she pulled it from the fan fiction site, changed it to make it an original story, and self-published it. The rest is history - but the publishing world took forever to realize what was going on! Of course, not everyone has that success, and such authors seem to be rather one note. Meyer never really left her Twilight years, and James is really only one shade. Even Rowling hasn't managed to repeat her Potter success, and it's arguable whether she could have made a decent living as a writer were it not for her pre-existing fame derived from the Potter novels.
So no, there's no scientific pathway to sucess. This would have been a different book had there been any such path, although there are enough ideas explored, and possibilities sprinkled throughout this book that it does offer some sort of potential - albeit by no means guaranteed - pathways to explore at least. I enjoyed it and learned a few things from it, so I can commend it as a worthy read.
Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older
This is your trope story of your innocent kid finding she has superpowers. The problem is that by fully a third the way through this novel, I had no idea whatsoever what her superpower was. None! At all! That was strike one. The story has the tired cliché of her being delivered to 'enlightenment' by some new guy she meets - because you know that no girl can do a damned thing on her own. That was strike two. Worse, it seemed to be going nowhere, and taking its own sweet time even about doing that, so that was strike three, and I ditched it at a third in, and moved onto something more interesting.
The main character is Sierra Santiago, a young artist (who never actually does any art) who is tasked by her grandfather with updating a fading mural painting which evidently offers some sort of protection (I guess) against some sort of a threat (I imagine), which begs the question: why didn't grandaddy get off his lazy ass and fix things in his younger years? This story is written way younger than the characters in it!
Anyway, Sierra meets the new guy in school of course, who is also an artist (who never does anything other than token art), of course, and who will be her validator. Before he even deigns to lift a finger to help her, she's accosted by a reanimated corpse (although she doesn't know it at the time) demanding answers to a question she doesn't even understand. The ridiculous name they give to the corpse is 'corpuscle' which doesn't work (neither does the name John Wick which also turned me off this story). Even then this guy Sierra befriends is really tight with information like he wants her to struggle. Some friend.
There was diversity in this story, but I don't think reviewers at this point should be giving credit to stories for being inclusionary and presenting a diverse array of characters! That should be the norm - the baseline, so I don't give extra credit for that.
The story seemed to be going around in vacuous circles and sure didn't want to tell me anything, so I said the hell with it. You want to keep the story to yourself, why even publish the freaking novel in the first place?! I can't commend this at all.
Sailing With Her Wolf by Ariel Marie
This is probably another novel I should never have embarked upon, but I liked the idea and I always hope for the best when starting a novel. Unfortunately, this one went wrong fast because of the author's focus on sex instead of upon a relationship.
I made it through the first third and quickly grew the feeling that this story was wrong-headed and not remotely appealing to me. I pressed on for a little while, hoping it would improve, but it just got worse. In the end (the end of the first third, anyway!), I DNF'd it for its obsession with sex, and the poor writing.
The story is of werewolf (or whatever the female term is, since the 'were' in werewolf, means man) named Marley, who has the sadly laughable last name of 'Gerwulf'. I mean really? Marley is lesbian and her friend Zara York, who she's known since high school, knows this. They know everything about each other. Yet never once have they connected or even talked about it, evidently, other than being BFFs.
This felt off to me, esspecailly since the book blurb insists that 'Marley's wolf' had identified Zara as her 'mate' the day they met. Yet here they are, both entering their thirties, and...Nothing. Got. Done. The blurb ridiculously says that "the urge to mate was strong," but this made zero sense, since as lesbians, they would not have the offpsring that mating implies, so whence this 'mating' urge? And if it's not mating, then why not use some other term? It felt like the author hadn't thoguht this through.
Don't get me wrong. Anyone who's read anything reasonably deep about the natural world knows that humans did not invent queer. We like to think we did, but the animal - and even plant - world had long had queer before we ever evolved. There are gay relationships all over nature; lesbian ones; bisexual ones, and even transgender arrived in nature long before humans thought they'd invented it. Hell, I just read in the news very recently that California condors have been shown to have reproduced asexually, which was not something science was aware they could do - not until now! Let's hear it for lesbian condors! Yeay!
There's nothing new under the sun, so the problem here isn't with a gay shifter relationship. It's with the 'mating compulsion' which implies a drive to produce offpsring, which will never materialize - not with each of the main characters as a biological parent. So whence this urge? What does it mean exactly? This would have been the perfect place for some self-examination by the main characters: a book like this one.
But the author never touches it! Why not? She never deals with it; never tries to explain it, and never discusses it. It's like she put this out there blindly as a wolf prerogative - a dominant wolf necessity - without thinking it through, and without even seeing the beautiful story possibilities that were here. It's like she was so obsessed with the sex that she never gave a minute's thought to the people she had created and was putting through this lackluster story. That's why this made no sense to me. It felt like a profligate waste of a glorious story opportunity - one that I am now going to have to write, and I don't even like shifter stories that much!
The blurb asks stupidly, "will Marley be able to protect Zara while resisting the call to mate" and the answer is hell no! They jump each other's bones the very first night they're stranded through the tired cliché of sharing a bed to stay warm. It's tedious. And no, there's no 'mating'. They have sex, but that's not what 'mating' implies!
So these two women set sail on a yatch, get caught in a storm which damages the engine, and shuts down all the electronics on their boat, and so they're adrift together until they get rescued. It would be the perfect place to explore a real relationship in depth, but this author sadly takes the path most traveled and therefore least interesting, and she squanders even that journey on sex scenes that read like a thesaurus of body parts. It's not erotic, not romantic, not exciting, and not entertaining, and I can't commend it at all.
Born of Water by Autumn M Birt
This was this author's self-published debut from 2012, and as such it's not awfully bad, but I could not get along with it at all, partly because the writing felt young for the age range it was supposedly aimed at. There were other reason too, which I shall go into. I can empathize, because that's about when I started self-publishing, but I have to judge a book by its content, not how much I might empathize with the author!
This is very much trope from start to - well finish, I assume, but I DNF'd this at just shy of a third in, so I can't comment on the last two-thirds, nor can I commend it based on my reading. I was offered no reason to believe the last two-thirds would be any different from the first third - otherwise I might have been tempted to read on.
The trope approach covered everything from the way the story was written, to the characters, to the romance, to the magic employed. The magic was the usual tedious 'four elements' plus a special additional one - which has been so done to death now that it's a joke: you know: air, earth, fire, water? Which are actually not elements. The additional one in this case was the ability to use all four which is not only rare, but also frowned upon. So more Air-Bender than anything else, and certainly nothing new.
The story is set in the trope world where an authority controls magic, and rather than appreciate something out of the ordinary, this author takes the trope path that it's anathema to exhibit 'alien magic' and carries a death sentence, so naturally (and more trope) one of the enforcers of these laws encounters someone who has this special snowflake magic and instead of turning her in, goes on the run with her and three of her friends.
That wouldn't have been so bad except that it then became a tedious case of endless fleeing; from one port to another and always running into trouble, never getting even a hint of a break. It became boring to read because every arrival at every port was essentially fraught with the same peril. Yawn!
As if that wasn't bad enough, a really poorly-written 'romance' begans stirring between Niri, the main enforcer character, and some dude who was with them, maybe named Ty? I forget. All of these charcters wre really enimently forgettable. But the romance was so slapped together and pasted on that it was pointless, and not worth reading. Instead of it seemingly arising organically, it felt like the author had forced it into being because she felt there had to be a romance - more trope. Gods forbid that there should be a leading female character in a YA novel who can get by without a male to prop her up. Yawn. I didn't like it.
The title of this novel should have warned me off it. Comparisons with Sarah Maas and Anne McCaffery should have warned me off, but I didn't listen and I paid the price of wasting my valuable time on it. That's how it goes. But at least in a couple of months I'll be through reviewing books foever, and I won't have to waste more time on a book I DNF'd by having to pen a review for it! So there's that!
Atom Land by Jon Butterworth
I usually like to favorably review science books that I read, because I usually enjoy them and I learn something. Once in a while my instincts fail me and I end up with a book that didn't do the trick. This, I am sorry to report, was one such book.
Now you can try to make a case, if you wish for books about physics and in particular about sub-atomic physics (see what I did there: sub-atomic - particular?!) to be poor choices for listening to in audiobook form, while commuting, but I disagree. I've enjoyed a variety of non-fiction books, including some pretty heavy (for a layman) science books, and not felt like I've missed anything critical. I can't say the same for this book, which I felt took the wrong approach - or maybe it wasn't so bad an approach, but it was definitely one with which the author became far too enamored, for I felt that his attachment to the metaphor he'd chosen, took the book slowly downhill and made the concepts a lot denser than they needed to be.
On top of that, there are things in books that don't translate well to audiobooks - especially things in science books. I don't want to be read a formula that I can't see, nor do I need a fraction to be quoted to a dozen or more decimal places with a host of tedious zeroes, much less several in siuccession. It's just annoying.
The approach this author used was the metaphor of the world of the atom, with boats sailing from ports to other ports in the various lands on this world, and journeys by air or overland to various places within each territory. I can see why such a metaphor might appear to make sense to a writer, but just because it made sense to this author doesn't necessarily mean it will appeal to everyone or make it any more intelligible. To me, it did not. It just confused things, especially since the author himself was evidently confused, and had to backtrack more than once. That to me is poor writing, or it's poor planning or it's a sign your over-arching concept is failing you.
Some of the land names were a stretch, too - I mean Bosonia? Really? And one extended piece about the airport not being close to the city for these three particular locations, and the tedious endless descriptions of people who may arrive at one airport but be traveling to a different city were obnoxious. They really were.
I think that's about the point where I decided I had had enough. I made it about three-quarters the way through this, which was more than it deserved because I got a lot less than three-quarters of the content of the book, but in the end I'd firmly decided that I really did not want to visit this land, much less travel extensively in it. The thing is that I already have a decent layman's grasp of the ideas here, so if they made little to no sense to me, or bored me even as they made sense, then I fear they're certainly not going to reach anyone who is a complete newbie to this world. On that basis I cannot commend this as a worthy read.