Saturday, October 9, 2021

Sugar by Kimberly Stuart

Rating: WARTY!

Ready to move beyond an assistant role, pastry chef Charlie agrees to work at her ex’s restaurant" where she'll be an assistant.... "...things take a surprising turn when she learns they’ll be the subject of a reality show!" - none of which actually have a single thing in common with reality. Another pie-crust promise of a blurb. Barf.

Pretty Little Liars by Sara Shepard

Rating: WARTY!

"Five friends formed the clique that ruled the school - until their leader, Alison, went missing. Now, mysterious notes may bring old secrets to light." Nothing new or original here. The missing "Alison" was really her twin Courtney. This is neither the first nor the last time the tedious twin ruse has been used. Yawn. And that cover illustration - of the anorexic girl? Is this really the example we want to set? Barf.

A-List F*ck Club by Charlie Hart aka Frankie Love

Rating: WARTY!

Callahan works as a bartender at an exclusive, anonymous adult club — no one knows he’s really the owner. But when innocent virgin Juliana shows up, she’s everything he ever wanted… and he’ll do whatever it takes to have her for his own!" Including rapong her or otherwise pressuring her into bed, because novels like this are pure, adulterated shit. Women are to be possessed and used. They have no value or worth other than their virginity. This is pornography at its worst.

Spectacular Stories for Curious Kids by Jesse Sullivan

Rating: WARTY!

"Explore 100 fascinating, fun, and true tales that span history, science, entertainment, and more! From accidental inventions and the sandwich that started a war...." Sorry, but that's a lie. A sandwich did not start a war. The killer of the Archduke Ferdinand was waiting where he should have been. It was the Archduke's motorcade that went the wrong way; instead of taking an alternate route, the idiot driver followed the expected route and Princip was right there, waiting and able to successfully murder the man. This 'sandwich' story is post-hoc bullshit. No wonder they're giving this book away for free!

Star Trek The Wrath of Khan by Vonda N McIntyre

Rating: WARTY!

The crew of the Enterprise are tossers. That's why the original series is commonly referrred to as TOS. The book blurb is happy to skirt the fact that James Tiberiasshole Kirk caused the whole problem with Khan in the first place. "...it’s up to James Kirk, Mr Spock, and the stalwart crew of the Enterprise to save the day — and the galaxy!" Ri-ight, because there's no one anywhere in the entire galaxy that can fix this except for James Trump. I mean why not call thim that? His arrogance is unsurpassed. He has zero clue how to delegate. He speaks in weird disjointed sentences and insists his mangled words are law. He has no qualms about taking advantage of every woman who comes his way, like she owes him. Donald Trump and James Kirk are the same! I see no differences between them.

Spock is the dumbest character onboard since he consistently fails to grasp human idiosyncrasy and foibles despite having been among them for literally decades and despite repeatedly (and tediously) demonstrating an encylopedic knowledge of Earth and its history. Mary Sue McCoy is the best doctor in the galaxy despite himself being an asshole in the way he treats people. But at least he can look at a glowstick and diagnose any condition and treat it. Except of course when it comes to a Klingon depsite having known this race his entire career. Scott never was an engineer. He was a sorcerer who could magically fix anything on an impossible schedule. Uhura is a sex bomb in a mini-skirt, and part-time telephone operator who can 'put you through now' and that's pretty much it. It's a tragedy that someone charity-dropped into a token minority role like that would be the one to inspire so many other minority females that they too, could be eye candy. Yawn.

Mistress of the Art of Death by Diana Norman, aka Ariana Franklin

Rating: WARTY!
In this “vibrant medieval mystery” (The New York Times).

Lie! What the NYT said was "vibrant tapestry of medieval life." Close, but no cigar, and now we know the book blurb is a lie from the off! In a time when women were possessions, we're expected to believe that "forensics expert Adelia is hired by King Henry II to solve a series of murders in Cambridge. Can she unravel the truth before the killer strikes again?" Who cares? And why would the king give a shit about some murders in Cambridge when he's fully occupied trying to fight wars and rule his unruly children? Henry 2.0 didn't even trust his own wife despite her delivering him eight kids - in her thirties yet, and including five heirs (those would be the sons, because the daughters, being female, were fit only for marriage alliances, recall). He's sure as hell not going to hire a woman to do anything important except spread her legs for him. Given that there were only about 2,000 people living in Cambridge in those years, it hardly required anyone other than the local authority to police the place! Yawn. Since Norman died a decade ago, she's not going to get a penny of the sale price from this book.

Bullet Rain by Robert Swartwood

Rating: WARTY!

"For fans of Jack Reacher" That lets me out. I'm not a fan of any novel that has a main character given the pathetically unimaginative name of 'Jack'. "Free from his job as a government hit man," Right, because the government employs a shit ton of those. "Nova sets off on a cross-country odyssey." Nova? Seriously? "When misfortune strands him in the Nevada desert, he’ll stumble into a tiny town hiding untold dangers." and yeah, we get it, a bullet rain. The title alone is enough to shut this one down. Barf.

Friday, October 8, 2021

Deuce Mora Mystery Series Vol. 1–3 by Jean Heller

Rating: WARTY!

"Whether it’s human trafficking or local corruption, Chicago journalist and sleuth Deuce Mora is determined to uncover criminal activity" Yawn. This series is apparently set in modern times, but it seems like it's a century late. And Deuce? Honestly? Barf. Anyone want to give odds it's written in first person?

Left for Dead by Paul J Teague

Rating: WARTY!

"In a last attempt to repair their crumbling marriage, Charlotte and Will return to the seaside resort where they met as teenagers. But visiting a scene from their past also brings up terrible memories — ones that they had hoped to bury forever." So why the fuck go back there? This tells me that both Charlotte and Will are dumb-fucks who deserve each other. Problem solved. Barf.

Wanted by J Kenner

Rating: WARTY!

"Angelina Raine" Seriously? Why not go the whole hog and call her Goldie Raine? "...craves the one man she can’t have — but she can’t resist temptation forever. Is she ready to enter bad boy Evan Black’s passionate world?" Who honestly gives a shit? This bad boy motif is tired and pathetic. This mythology of the virginal innocent woman and the bad boy who 'educates' her is misogynistic and needs rejection. And 'Angelina' in a novel titled after the movie Angelina Jolie starred in? Really?

Trouble in Paradise by Robert B Parker

Rating: WARTY!

"Paradise police chief Jesse Stone goes up against master criminal James Macklin, who has assembled a crack team to loot an exclusive and wealth-laden island." Happily, they're so addicted to crack that they're useless, and the police find they have nothing to do. Seriously - yet another story where the main character has one of those hard-bitten names like 'Stone', 'Steele' or 'Cage'? Get a life.

The Empowered Ones: Books 1 & 2 by MS Olney

Rating: WARTY!

When Elian discovers he possesses new magical abilities, he must team up with a ragtag group of rebels" stop right there. Any blurb that has 'ragtag', 'quirky', or 'misfit' in the wording is an automatic reject. And what's with the fucking cloaks and hoods? Seriously? And why must he team up with anyone? Never mind. Don't answer that, I don't care!

The Forger's Daughter by Bradford Morrow

Rating: WARTY!

Here's another one - The ____'s daughter, but at least this has the distinction of not being written by a female author, so I guess that's something. "When a legendary manuscript arrives at his house along with a list of demands, former literary forger Will must take up his illegal craft once more and create the perfect forgery of Edgar Allan Poe’s Tamerlane" because there's no way in hell that going to the police ever solved anything.

The Butcher’s Daughter by Wendy Corsi Staub

Rating: WARTY!

"Searching for a detective’s missing daughter leads genealogist Amelia to the vicious descendant of a famous killer" Title taken from a Demi Moore movie and once again dismissing a female character as a guy's appendage. Way to go!

Love Unexpected by Marina Hanna

Rating: WARTY!

"Jules shares a kiss with a mysterious stranger who walks away — and when she shows up at her new job, she’s shocked to find out he’s her boss. Adam doesn’t do relationships, but Jules is irresistible… and their" relationship is entirely inappropriate, but since when has that stopped female authors from normalizing this horseshit, like it's perfectly fine, ordinary, and acceptable to put a woman in this position? And yet again conflating sex with love? barf.

Memory of Water by Emmi Itäranta

Rating: WARTY!

The title alone is sufficient to warn anyone off this story, before we even consider the dumb blurb: "In a bleak future world, Noria is a tea master’s apprentice — and one of very few who know the location of a precious water source." Yep! It's the fucking ocean. Yawn. But don't worry about all those thousands dying horribly of thirst. We have tea to make....

Faking It by Riley Hart, Devon McCormack

Rating: WARTY!

"When near-strangers Gary and Travis are mistaken for a couple, they decide to keep up the ruse to annoy Gary’s ex and impress Travis’s investors." The title is from the MTV show about a couple faking their relationship, and the most amazing thing about this cookie-cutter retread of a novel is that it took two people to clone a story that has been told quite literally scores of times before. There is literally not a single thing that's new here except the authors' names.

Fire Starter by P Anastasia

Rating: WARTY!

Isn't that Stephen King's title? "Alice’s normal teenage life is upended when a dying alien race chooses her to preserve their bioluminescent DNA." Evidently the author doesn't get that bioluminescence requires two things: luciferin (or something similer) and an enzyme which triggers the bioluminescence using the luciferin, typically called luciferase. It makes zero sense to talk of bioluminescent DNA. What would be the point? "As she struggles to keep her secret hidden, she must contend with unexpected romance" Ri-ight, because she's quite literally the only one on planet Earth who did notexpect there to be a romance. barf.

Apple Orchard Mysteries Books 1–10 by Chelsea Thomas

Rating: WARTY!

When heartbroken Chelsea ditches the city for her family’s sprawling apple orchard, she’s ready to spend her days relaxing with plates of warm pie… but then a dead body is picked from the trees! Follow Chelsea and her aunt, Miss May, as they solve a bushel of mysteries in this complete box set." Why not call her Granny Smith and be done with it? This heartbroken 'fleeing waif' motif is such a tired trope. I'll bet the author has no idea that the word 'bushel' comes from a French term meaning "little box" and so it particularly à propos for this box set, but there isn't a box anyway so what does it matter?

The Book of Life by Deborah Harkness

Rating: WARTY!

"As enemies loom, witch Diana Bishop" cuts the cloth they produce "and vampire Matthew Clairmont" fashions it into bespoke clothing. What a joy. And nary a werewolf in sight. Barf.

Thursday, October 7, 2021

The Roosevelt Conspiracy by Matt James

Rating: WARTY!

"When a mysterious letter written by Theodore Roosevelt is discovered, former Delta operator Jack Reilly" Stop right there. Jack is the most boring name ever. It's been done to death squared, and still idiot writers can't find the wherewithal to come up with a better name. Nor can they, it seems, get away from the abject worship of ancient US history. Yawn. Just once in a while wouldn't it be nice to get something new, fresh, and original, with a decent main character whose name isn't retreaded from countless action adventure novels that preceded this one? And a sensible plot that isn't tied to some discovery from USA antiquity? Or is it just me?

Seven Unholy Days by Jerry Hatchett

Rating: WARTY!

Jerry Hatchett? Really? Isn't that just a little bit too much like Terry Pratchett? I mean it's exactly the same spelling except for the three leading letters! We're told that this "Will leave readers breathless and flipping pages long into the night… Not to be missed!" No! It's to be avoided like the plague! I'd be flipping pages off. "When a cyberattack plunges America into darkness," even in the daytime! "Matt Decker works fast to track down and stop the hacker — before he can carry out a diabolical plan." Because a heavenly plan is just not realistic.... Yawn. Another Hatchett job.

Locked On by Tom Clancy, Mark Greaney

Rating: WARTY!

"[Clancy] at top of his game" - shows what the Chicago Tribune knows! LOL! "Presidential nominee Jack Ryan..." stop right there at 'Jack' I'm out of here.

A Dying Fall by Elly Griffiths

Rating: WARTY!

Another amateur meddler: "When archaeologist Ruth Galloway hears of an old friend’s sudden death in a house fire," she considers herself eminently qualifed to solve this, and summarily tells the arson investigator to fuck off. "...she works to uncover the truth behind his demise" which turns out to be smoke inhalation. The guy had heard it was a crack house, so he set fire to it and tried to inhale. "...and the recent discovery that made him fear for his life" which was that his smoke alarm wasn't working. Solved.

The Secrets of Us by Lucinda Berry

Rating: WARTY!

Stop right there! That title alone is enough to say no. Just say no.

Super Colossal Reacher Universe Bundle Volume 1 by Jude Hardin

Rating: WARTY!

"A lot of people want to find Jack Reacher...." Not me. Yawn. Can you say nauseating market-saturation? Jack-Off Reacheround anyone? It's called a circle jerk.

Mick by Melissa Foster

Rating: WARTY!

"A red-hot USA Today bestseller" - only if you consider #143 in the list to be a best-seller; otherwise it's just a lie. "Determined to release her inner vixen, Amanda attends a masquerade bar crawl. She makes an instant connection with a masked stranger - only to find out he’s her boss! But when Mick offers her a no-strings lesson in seduction, Amanda can’t resist" neither can the disease she gets which is antiobiotic-resistant chlamydia.... Yawn. And he's her boss? Barf. Way to foster a put-down of women, Melissa.

Road Out of Winter by Alison Stine

Rating: WARTY!

"In an unforgiving future, Wylodine flees the endless winter of Appalachia. But danger awaits her and her ragtag...." Stop right there. If it says 'ragtag' or 'quirky' or 'misfits' anywhere in the blurb it's going to be shittily unoriginal and needs to be avoided. Yawn. And Wylodine?

Divine Fate: The Complete Series by Alicia Rades

Rating: WARTY!

"An action-packed, unputdownable fantasy trilogy" of course it is, because when isn't it? Check this shit out: "After killing a demon, Ryn Tyler is swept away to a magical school - to hone her skills as an angel! Under the tutelage of bad boy Marek" Of course he's a bad boy because what the fuck use is anyone else? You can see exactly where this tedious retreaded garbage is going from that one sentence, and it ain't anywhere original, interesting, or entertaining, because this exact story has been done over and over with nothing more than a few cosmetic changes. Yawn. Alicia Raids Tired Plots.

Queen of Klutz by Samantha Garman

Rating: WARTY!

"After losing her job and her boyfriend on the same day, Sibby Goldstein stumbles into a waitressing gig at an Italian restaurant. Can she find her way back to love and happiness — without falling flat on her face?" How many times has this tired old story been retreaded now? Far too many, that's for sure. Yawn.

When the Red Wolf Runs by Kody Boye

Rating: WARTY!

Kody Boye sounds like a supiciously made-up author name doesn't it?! "There hasn’t been a wolf spotted around where Oaklynn lives" Oaklynn? Really? "...for decades - but after she unexpectedly sees one outside, she meets her new neighbor, Jackson. And Jackson and his father are carrying an earth-shattering secret…" What that's he's fucking werewolf? Barf. How is that remotely Earth-shattering? And 'Jackson' really? That's no better than 'Jack' - the most boring name in fiction. "First in an absorbing paranormal series!" Of course it is, because why do the work of coming up with original standalones when you can keep retreading the same tired story over and over? How tedious. How unimaginative. How uninventive. Yawn.

An Indecent Proposition by Stephanie Julian

Rating: WARTY!

Rip-off indecent proposal much for your titles? "A single night of no-holds-barred sex with Erik and Keegan will provide waitress Julianne with the cash to buy herself a new life. But is one night enough?" To catch a disease? Yep. Stupid and ridiculous to its core.

The Matarese Circle by Robert Ludlum

Rating: WARTY!

Robert Ludlum died twenty years ago and will not get a penny from this - buy it used or get it from your library if you must read it. For me, I am not interested in reading a novel that chooses a title like something popular from the past, like 'Maltese Falcon', Maybe? Just title it 'Tease' and be done with it!

The Charlotte and Thomas Pitt Novels Volume One by Anne Perry

Rating: WARTY!

This page-turning box set of historical mysteries introduces police inspector Thomas Pitt and wealthy, free-spirited Charlotte Ellison...." Why would a Victorian police officer countenance any interference from a meddling woman? Yawn. Where does she live? Letsbe Avenue? And way to give away the plot: Charlotte Ellison obviously becomes a Pitt. In fact the whole novel is the pits, let's face it.

Stolen Daughters by Carolyn Arnold

Rating: WARTY!

"In a tiny Virginia town, the body of a teenage girl is discovered in an abandoned house. Detective Amanda Steele...." Nope! No more novels where the main character is unimaginatively named 'Steele' or 'Stone' for fuck's sake. Get a clue! Yawn. And it's an abandoned house! If a body wants to be in there, let it, I say! I think Arnold wrote this for her own Benediction....

Lost, Found, & Forever by Victoria Schade

Rating: WARTY!

"When Justine discovers her beloved rescue dog might belong to a man named Griffin, they compete to show who’s the better pet owner - but they might just find love along the way." Clone much? How did she even get her hands on the 'rescue dog', if Griffin is so dead set on finding his lost pet? Unoriginal story, inane 'plot'.

Murder Most Pemberley by Jessica Berg

Rating: WARTY!

"To mend family ties, Eliza Darcy crosses the Atlantic to England" and she's in the USA why? Because you cannot - simply cannot! - have a novel for an American audience that has no Americans in it! It's unconstitutional! Barf! What ought to be illegal is these dumb-ass rip-offs of Jane Austen. Get a new shtick for Bourgh's sake - something original and imaginative. "...only to stumble into a Scotland Yard murder investigation!" which has nothing whatsoever to do with her. For fuck's sake! "Fans of cozy mysteries and Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice will enjoy this whodunit." I hope not.

Blue Moon Investigations Boxed Set: Part 1 by Steve Higgs

Rating: WARTY!

Once in a blue moon, they actually solve a case! "PI Tempest Michaels" hereinafter known as the Higgs Bosom, "brings the supernatural creatures of England to justice in this fast-paced and funny paranormal romp." Anything with 'romp' in the description is a no. And Tempest Michaels? Tempest? Really? No. Just no! And there is no box. Trust me on this.

Country Cottage Mysteries Box Set Books 4–6 by Addison Moore, Bellamy Bloom

Rating: WARTY!

"Sinister shenanigans" Thos two words really do not go together. A writer ought to know that; two writers ought to know it twice. "...are afoot in the village of Cider Cove…" where there's more crime and murder than any large city. "In this collection," that comes with no box whatsoever - you know it doesn't - "psychic innkeeper Bizzy" Body "must solve three mysteries - from a dog fashion show gone wrong to a senior citizens’ bake-off that ends in murder. Can she crack the cases?" She's a psychic. She gets the answer on the first page, case solved. Everything else is padding. Barf.

Good Nights by Heather Grace Stewart

Rating: WARTY!

"Struggling with terrible writer’s block and a failed marriage, Hannah needs a break." So she runs away! "Booking a month in a house on a remote French island seems like the perfect solution - until her solo getaway is interrupted by an infuriatingly handsome Brit...." Automatic barf with the 'infuriatingly' bullshit. I honestly do not get the mentality behind these ridiculous stories. I know it’s pure escapism, but the total lack of anything approaching reality destroys any hope of suspension of disbelief. All there is, is disbelief. Yawn. How sad that the only break this downtrodden woman can afford is a luxury vacation for an entire month on a remote island. We are all so much better off than she is....

The Tethering by Megan O’Russell

Rating: WARTY!

The title alone should steer you well away from this one. "Gifted with supernatural abilities, Jacob only wants to use his powers to protect Emilia, the girl he’s loved for years." And fuck the rest of the world! "But with the world of magic teetering on the brink of war, he has to fight just to stay alive… A fantasy tale that will keep you glued to the pages." Mainly because the publisher actually put glue on the pages for this very purpose. Yawn. Another sad blurb that is evidently designed to turn a person off the book rather than onto it - assuming they even do get past that god-awful title.

The Cross of Sins by Robin Knight

Rating: WARTY!

"Somewhere in the world, a priceless and scandalous artifact lies hidden - and five gay adventurers team up to find it before it can be destroyed." Seriously? The title is ridiculous as is the premise. What, pray tell, exactly is a cross of sins? Is it like the word sins vertically and horizontally, the one sitting atop the other, both sharing an 'I' because there is no 'I' in team.... I think I prefer Sir Robin to Knight Robin. You know the one from Monty Python and the Holy Grail?.

The Royal Factions Box Set Books 1–3 by WJ May

Rating: WARTY!

"A spellbinding box set" where teenagers are boxed in! "Sixteen-year-old Elise is taken from her home and drawn into the glittering world of the royal palace - where she and the other captives will be held until they’re claimed by a courtier. With danger lurking around every corner, can Elise survive her fate?" No. She'll commit suicide when she discovers that the queen never actually said "Let them eat cake." Seriously what kind of dumb fuck question is that? Do you actually have to get a degree in 'Watershit Down' in order to be qualified to write book blurbs? I don't see any other way they could be written in so consistently stupid a fashion.

The Reefs of Time by Jeffrey A Carver

Rating: WARTY!

Why is Jeffrey, a carver? Why isn't it Jeffrey, a writer? Just kidding. But look at this: "An ancient and corrupt AI is traveling through time and space, wreaking havoc." At least they didn't say 'wrecking havoc' - I have seen that in a novel. "Exiled from Earth, John Bandicut' - a bandicoot is a very cute but largely nocturnal marsupial, FYI - "and his alien crew" of blue meanies "race to stop the path of destruction…" Why? Why is it their concern? Because there are no robots! Even in an AI story!

Consistently, in these sci-fi bullshit stories, there are no robots. Even in this one with an AI, I'll bet there are no drones, no guided missiles, nothing to stop this destruction but a 'ragtag band of misfits' and it’s so often tediously described. Why? Of course this is "Part of a series." I used to like Greg Bear before I read that he hails this as "classic science fiction with engaging characters and richly imagined worlds!" I don't think he knows what he's talking about because I will bet there's no explanation as to why the aliens are blue. Humans ('white ones' are pink because the red blood (from iron pigments) in our veins shows through our translucent skin. People of color are largely not pink because they have various levels of melanin in their skin which protects them against the harsher effects of sunlight. So why are these aliens blue - or those green or the other ones red? Never is there an explanation for this. It’s hardly richly imagined, then is it?

Bondage Buddies by Golden Angel

Rating: WARTY!

Let’s not even get into the author's 'name' or whther it really ought to be Golden Rains (hey, how about Golden Reins? It totally works!). "After meeting in a BDSM class," A BDSM class? Where you get beaten for truancy?! "...single mom Domi can’t turn down Master Mitch’s proposal for a friends-with-benefits arrangement - but as their passion flares higher with each scene, Mitch craves more from Domi than just her submission." Wait, the submissive is named Domi? So why isn't the guy named Nate? Domi-Nate - get it? Barf. You know I have this theory that there are no serious BDSM writers - only pranksters and BDSM-haters who want to bring this whole field of sexual exploration into disrepute and that's why they write all these dumb-ass stories.

Amazonia by James Rollins

Rating: WARTY!

"Five years after a US Special Forces agent entered the Amazon jungle," wait, why are the US special forces once again invading a foreign land? Oh well, "with one arm, he emerges - with both arms intact" Wait, wait a minute! Why is there a special forces guy going into the field and he has only one arm? Aren’t even regular soldiers invalided out after a sacrifice like that? I can't imagine one being in the special forces like that. This story just sounds off from the off. Yawn.

The City Baker’s Guide to Country Living by Louise Miller

Rating: WARTY!

"Big-city pastry chef Olivia takes a job at a quaint Vermont inn - where she’s immersed in a cozy world of county fairs, apple pies, and small-town charm!" Excuse me while I hurry off to urgently locate an anti-emetic. I had thought there might possibly be a story in here, but there really isn't, is there?

From the Shadows by BJ Daniels

Rating: WARTY!

"When Casey inherits an abandoned old hotel in Buckhorn, Montana, her goal is to sell it as quickly as possible. Her plans don’t include handsome billionaire Finn James, who has been hiding out in the hotel for months, determined to find answers about a summer long ago." Fine, so she sells it to him, end of story. Seriously, this billionnaire can't hire private detectives to find those answers for him? The whole concept is asinine from the off. There's no romance here; it's just a BJ.

Keeping Company by Tami Hoag / Sarong Party Girls by Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan

Rating: WARTY!

"When a catastrophe of a blind date lands corporate lawyer Alaina Montgomery and free-spirited Dylan Harrison in jail, the two aren’t exactly off to a flying start, romance-wise. But when they decide to pose as a couple to stop their meddlesome friends, they find that they make a pretty good team." And how many times has this same cloned story been retreaded now? Barf. Hoag, Hoag, it's deranged! Where the leer and the can't elope roam....

AND

Sarong Party Girls by Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan

No wonder the Kirkus circus liked htis story: it's totally demeaning to women. It makes sense for them to do that in a story that is solely about how useless women are until and unless they have a man to make their lives worth anything. "27-year-old Jazzy and her friends are on the hunt for expat husbands in the dazzling city of Singapore - follow their search for love." Why? Why do I care? Especially since the novel has nothing whatsoever to do with actual love and seems much more interested in being a voyeur of kinky sex in a very restrictive society. Are these women so worthless, their lives so empty, that 'love' is the only thing that lends them any value? If that's the case, they're not worthy of a relationship to begin with, because they have absolutely nothing to contribute to one. Yawn.

Deus Ex Mechanic by Ryann Fletcher

Rating: WARTY!

If I'd known this book had the word 'chronicles' associated with it, I would never had considered reading it, but the interesting cover illustration distracted me and the plot sounded engaging, so I missed that somehow, and launched into it, getting to about two-turds the way through it before I fully realized it was going nowhere - precisely because it's a series. Book one is a prolog and I don't do prologs because they're boring and don't tell you shit. I wish I had back the time I wasted on this one. The book description is completely misleading.

The concept is ridiculous to begin with - steampunk in space? The spaceship has boilers which is the stupidest thing I ever heard. I even put up with that in hopes I would get a good story. More fool me. Having loved the character of Kaylee in Firefly, I was primed for the character of Alice - a mechanic. In fact this whole story is a Firefly rip-off in many ways. Violet is the captain of a pirate vessel which operates on the run from coalition vessels, raiding them and distributing food to rebel bases and selling-off what they can to make some money.

On one such raid, they kidnap Alice to get her to fix the ship's boilers(!) intending to release her later, but eventually she ends up - as we knew she would - on the ship as a crew member, and so starts the relationship with Violet. This is the dumbest relationship ever, with them getting it on and getting off and it falling off so metronomically that it became tedious to read it. They were like 13 year olds, and to pretend non-violent Violet was a pirate captain was stupid.

The story wasn't god-awful, except when I read of one character Violet met:

"Hiya. I'm Jhanvi," she said with a thick southern drawl

This is on an alien planet, and she has "a thick southern drawl"?! Ridiculous!

Of course everyone on the crew is the best there is. Alice is the best mechanic; Hyun is the best doctor; Kady is the best engineer; Violet the best captain. Barf. They should have named the spacecaft the Mary Sue. I reached a point, not quickly enough unfortuantely, where I could not stand to read any more of this, and I ditched it. Can't commend it.