Watch Me by Stacey Kennedy/Watch Her by Edwin Hill

Rating: WARTY!

So...do you watch me, or do you watch her? I dunno! She's probably more interesting than I am, let's face it. In "Watch Me" by Stacey Kennedy, we learn that "At the exclusive sex club Phoenix, members can only watch what happens on stage, not touch. But club owner Rhys Harrington will break his own rules to have innocent Zoey Parker for himself..."  Yeah, because she has no say in the matter. If he wants her, she has to be his - like she's a sex doll, not a person. her inncoence jsut makes her a sweeter posssession, right?  This story is disgusting and the author should be ashamed of herself for aiding and abetting the turning of women into male possessions.

OR Watch Her by Edwin Hill

Like I said, she's likely to be more interesting no matter what she's doing, since I just sit around writing and drawing all day, but I'll sure watch anything except this since it's a novel that the Kirkus clan claims is "masterly." Really? Did that word get there by accident?

Elfin by Quinn Loftis

Rating: WARTY!

"Cassie thinks she's just an ordinary girl - until Trik, a dark elf assassin, enters her world and claims her heart. But can Cassie look beyond the darkness in his past?" Why would she? The guy is a murderer! And Trik? Really? This is screaming that it's yet another dumb-ass, full of shitty situations and crappy writing YA novel. And what's this about claiming her heart? Is she being parted out for sale? Don't miss it; avoid it like a Trump Rally.

Grass by Sheri S Tepper

Rating: WARTY!

The idiot blurb has it that, "As a pestilence ravages the galaxy, humanity sends Marjorie Westriding Yrarier and her family to investigate a seemingly immune planet." How a pestilence would ravage totally unrelated alien communities across an entire galaxy is the real mystery here. Another dumb plot from another author who doesn't have the first clue about biochemistry and epidemiology, and worse, who doesn't even care.

Unexpected Blessings by Barbara Taylor Bradford

Rating: WARTY!

"From a #1 New York Times bestselling author who “enthralls readers” (RT Book Reviews)" If she's a number one bestseller why is she reduced to flogging cut-rate books in a discount flyer? "In this “lively” family saga" (Booklist)" Seriously, they had to quote that? "...three generations of Harte women must contend with secrets from the past — and an unidentified enemy" Unexpected would be if it wasn't three generations. It. Always. Is. Barf.

The EC Tubb Boxset by EC Tubb

Rating: WARTY!

Discover a universe full of aliens, space travel, magic, and more! Science fiction fans will enjoy these classic stories from an author whose “reputation for fast-moving and colorful sci-fi writing is unmatched by anyone in Britain" Only 'coz I don't live there! LOL! Since when is box set one word? And why box set? Where's the box? Don't they mean 'collection'? Barf.

Captive Star by Nora Roberts

Rating: WARTY!

"Handcuffed together and on the run from hired killers, Jack Dakota and MJ O’Leary aren’t exactly getting along." I think this story is handcuffed to uninventive and unimaginative tedium. I refuse to read any story with a main character named Jack on principal - it's the most over-used go-to name ever. This book smacks of sheer boredom and a chronic lack of originality from the author. yawn.

Atlantis Stolen by Christopher Cartwright

Rating: WARTY!

If it's Atlantis Stolen by Christopher Cartwright, then we know exactly who to arrest! LOL! "A catastrophe on the horizon could wipe out human civilization — and the key to survival is hidden away in the lost, sunken city of Atlantis. Can marine biologist Sam Reilly crack an ancient code and save the world?" Seriously? Atlantis? Can this author not find anything original to write about? Yawn.

Silenced Girls by Roger Stelljes

Rating: WARTY!

"For 20 years, FBI agent Tori Hunter has stayed away from her Minnesota hometown - until a girl’s disappearance brings her back to find the truth." Yet another unoriginal story about a retired agent or police officer, or one who has left their hometown behind, coming back to take on a case. Tired. tedious. Retreaded. Yawn.

The Stationmaster’s Cottage by Phillipa Nefri Clark

Rating: WARTY!

"After Christie inherits a ramshackle seaside cottage, she discovers mysterious wedding rings and a collection of love letters in the attic — and is swept up in a romantic story 50 years in the making." Yet another boring take on a tired trope. How many times has this crap been retreaded? Yawn.

Relationship Material by Jenya Keefe

Rating: WARTY!

"Nurse Evan feels like he’ll never know true love — so when attorney Malcolm, his sister’s sexy best friend, comes around, they agree to a fling with no strings attached. But as they begin to fall in love, can they risk their hearts for something real?" Seriously? You need ask that question when the trope answer is already known? A no-strings fling with all the diseases you can beat. Barf.

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler

Rating: WARTY!

"When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power - vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class." So: lying, drinking, cheating? No thanks.

The Academy Journals Volume One by Garrett Robinson

Rating: WARTY!

"Descended from a long line of dark alchemists, Ebon is mistrusted by students and teachers at the Academy. When he gets sucked into a sinister scheme, can he find the strength to battle for good against his wicked family?" My guess is yes, otherwise why write the damn book? So we can see him fail and lose? And sinister? Really? One of the most overused words in book descriptions, along with 'brutal'. I won't read this on principal. And 'Ebon'? Is this guy black? I give up.

Everybody Sees the Ants by AS King

Rating: WARTY!

"...Lucky has a secret-one that helps him wade through the daily mundane torture of his life. In his dreams, Lucky escapes to the war-ridden jungles of Laos-the prison his grandfather couldn't escape-where Lucky can be a real man." Seriously? Double Barf from an apparently appropriately-named author.

Vinyl by Sophia Elaine Hanson

Rating: WARTY!

"In an isolated city, a hypnotic implant keeps citizens under control. When Ronja meets an agent of the resistance, she discovers a movement determined to stop the government’s manipulation." What are the odds that agent is the hot guy she falls for because she's useless without him. Another dumb plot. Another dumb story. Another dumb romance. Yawn.

Deadhead and Buried by HY Hanna

Rating: WARTY!

"City girl Poppy heads to the English countryside to claim a mysterious inheritance. When she arrives, she’s shocked to find herself the owner of a charming cottage garden nursery" Why is she shiocked? Did this dumbass not lsiten to the reading of the will? "...with a dead body on the premises!" Of corpse there is! And so yet another girl running from the city to the countryside to inherit a property with a dead body in it - and of course the cops are so useless that she has to solve it. How unoriginal. Yawn.

Starting Over at Acorn Cottage by Kate Forster

Rating: WARTY!

"Reeling from a devastating breakup, Clara leaves London for a ramshackle cottage in the quaint village of Merryknowe." Merryknowe? Seriously? But this is likely set in Australia.... "She soon finds herself falling in love with the town and its quirky residents — including single dad Henry, her handsome new contractor." Yeah, she's so devastated that she finds love right after fleeing the big city for a safe little town because she's yet another weak woman who can't manage to cope without a guy. Seriously? When are female authors going to quit doing this to women? I guess when female customers wise up and quit buying this shit, huh? That word 'quirky' is your alarm in this book blurb. It warns you to get out now, before this disaster hits you. Clara sure isn't that devastated....

Death of a Dreamer by MC Beaton

Rating: WARTY!

"When an ailing woman is found poisoned after a lovers’ quarrel, it’s up to constable Hamish Macbeth to solve the suspicious case!" Hamish Macbeth, seriously? I wouldn't read this based on the stupid name alone. Could we be any more condescending to the Scots? And why is a constable in charge of such a serious investigation? There are no detectives available? Or is the constable brilliant and the detectives useless? In which case why is Macbeth still a constable? Yawn.

Germania by Harald Gilbers

Rating: WARTY!

"In war-torn Berlin, a vicious killer prowls the shadows, leaving women’s mutilated bodies in front of war memorials. Forced by the Gestapo to investigate the case, Oppenheimer, a Jewish detective, is caught in a dangerous game." Why would the Nazi's have a Jew investigate such a critical case? They didn't like them, they didn't trust them so why employ one? This story makes no sense.

Death in D Minor by Alexia Gordon

Rating: WARTY!

This is how fucktard dumb the blurb is for this novel: "set in the “captivating southwestern Irish countryside” (Library Journal starred review)" The review evidently was so bad that the only thing they could quote from it was that the review said that the novel was set in the Irish countryside. I want you to take a minute to absord just how utterly and mind-numbingly brain-dead that is. They couldn't just inform you as a potential reader that this novel is set in the Irish countryside; they had to quote the Library Journal telling us that it's set in the Irish countryside. I mean how profoundly dumb-ass is that? I think that's hands down the dumbest thing I ever read. You'd have to take a masters-level course to write something as profoundly stupid as that. It's not a thing you can do purely by accident. No wonder Kirk-cussed reviews thinks this is a charming series: it's right up their street (which is Dumbfuck Alley in case you wondered)

The rest of the blurb says, "When her brother-in-law is accused of a crime he didn’t commit, Gethsemane goes undercover at a charity ball to unmask the real culprit — and accidentally summons an 18th-century ghost, who happens to be an excellent sleuth!" See? This is as half-witted as you can get. It's the poop without even the nincom. And 'Gethsemane'? Really? I'm guessing the author was thrilled when she came up with that name. Hopefully not literally. Certainly not literary. And accidentally summons a detective ghost? I'm wondering: did the author write a bunch of random ideas onto slips of paper, toss them into a hat, and then use the first three she picked out of the hat for her plot? It sure sounds like it.

Hexed by Michelle Krys

Rating: WARTY!

This is a "perfect mix of action, romance, and humor" according to 'bestselling' author Amy Tintera (of whom I've never heard. Just saying). But that comment does tell me all I need to know about not wasting any of my money on any of her novels. So here's the dumb-ass blurb: "Managing high school is hard enough for Indigo," Yeah. Math is hard! Why not just call her Barbie, you genderist dumbass? "...and she’s just found out she’s a witch, too!" Of course she has, because that's how this plot, cookie-ciutter cloned and retreaded, always goes. There is literally not a single thing that's new here, including the title. Yawn. And Indigo? Really? Why not call her Deep Purple and have her into leather and heavy metal? She could go have a smoke on the water.... Barf.

Queen of Oblivion by Giles Carwyn, Todd Fahnestock / The Lost Star Episode One by Odette C Bell

Rating: WARTY!

The blurb reads: "With an evil sorceress extending her control through dark magic," Wait! What the hell? The evilsorcereress is using dark magic? Who knew?! And why 'sorceress'? Why not just 'sorcerer'? Must we continue discriminate against women like this in 2021? "...priestess Shara and her soulmate, Brophy," Of course he is, because no woman on her own is of any use whatever. Far too many female authors know that for anyone to get away with a novel where the woman is strong by herself. What would be the value of a story like that? And finally they: "...fight to reunite at last — and save the empire." Why don't the ever save the umpire? Seriously? Shouldn't an umpire be the best judge of this? I am disappointed.

AND

The Lost Star Episode One by Odette C Bell

Is this author's name really C Bell - like si belle - so beautiful? Seriously? The blurb: "As a powerful priestess, Ava’s destiny is to watch over the people of Avixa, but she wants something else. With the help of Hunter McClane," Hunter? Seriously? Clearly Ava isn't so powerful, since she so desperately needs a man to validate her. This story has been done to death. And we're supposed to respect a powerful priestess who is a protector, yet who abandons her post for some dude? No. Just no.

Under the Cover of Murder by Lauren Elliott / The Bookshop Murder by Merryn Allingham / The Witching Place by Sophie Love

Rating: WARTY!

Under the Cover of Murder by Lauren Elliott

"The town of Greyborne Harbor is abuzz over the wedding of the year, a glamorous affair on a yacht. When two bodies wash ashore during the festivities, Addie, bookshop owner" What the fuck difference does that make to anything? "...and maid of honor, searches for clues in the boat’s library." Of course she does because the police are consistently useless when it comes to solving murders and there's absolutely nothing they like better than a meddling little shit fucking-up the crime scene....

AND

The Bookshop Murder by Merryn Allingham

"A recent release" What difference does that make? This same plot has been used a hundred tiems before. "...that’s first in a charming series" of course it is, because why be inventive when you can endless retread the same plot? "When Flora" Seriously? Flora? "...opens her bookshop for the day, she’s startled to find a dead body inside!" She's the only one who's startled. Everyone else fully expected this. "She enlists the help of grumpy local crime writer Jack" who has the most tediously over-used name in literary history. Clearly this author hasn't even tried to feign being inventive or having an original idea. "...in order to solve the mystery and save her store’s reputation." What reputation? Why would a dead body in a bookstore destroy the store's reputation? On the contrary: once the crime scene is cleared, people will flock there. This is a dumbass story from the off. And why is this asshole Flora solving the mystery? The cops are useless? A bookstore owner with zero police training is the best one to solve a murder? Horseshit. Barf.

AND

The Witching Place: A Fatal Folio by Sophie Love

"After losing both her job and her boyfriend, Alexis makes a change and takes a job at an occult bookstore in a seaside town." This has everything, doesn't it? A chickenshit chick fleeing ebcause she has no spine, she works in a bookstore, she's a witch maybe, and she's solving murders? Fuck! What a bunch of retreaded crap. Three stories and each one esssentially exactly the same. No imagination. Nothing inventive. Not an original idea to be found here. Yawn.

If We Were Villains by ML Rio

Rating: WARTY!

The title alone tells me this one is garbage even before we get to the dumb-ass blurb. "Ten years after Oliver Marks was sent to prison, he’s finally ready to share what truly happened the night a group of seven friends was torn apart by an act of violence." How many times has this same plot been Xeroxed? Too many. And this jackass Oliver has made everyone suffer for a decade before he's willing to spill? Fuck him.

The Perfect Daughter by DJ Palmer

Rating: WARTY!

"Sixteen-year-old Penny Francone has killed someone. As she awaits trial, psychiatrist Mitchell McHugh is asked to uncover the reason… but his discoveries might lead to a truth more chilling than murder." And that would be? Stomach cramping her style? A hang nail upon which nothing ever hangs? Rape? Pillage? This book blurb is shit. Period. I want the asshole who wrote that blurb to make it his or her mission in life from this point onward, to seek out families which have had a loved one murdered and tell them there really is something more chilling that they should focus on. Go ahead. I'm waiting....

Her Perfect Life by Rebecca Taylor

Rating: WARTY!

"After successful author Clare takes her own life, her sister, Eileen, reads her latest novel for clues to what happened" Ri-ight, because that's by far the best plan. So is this the trope Eileen and Clare were estranged? Barf. And Eileen and Clare? Really?

In the Hall with the Knife by Diana Peterfreund

Rating: WARTY!

"After a storm leaves a group of students stranded at Blackbrook Academy, the headmaster’s dead body is discovered. And everyone has a motive for murder." So the same story that's already been retreaded and re-run to death a score square of times. People trapped in a building, no one interested in rescuing them. No police available. Of course this happens all the time. And Blackbrook Academy? Really? Barf.

Sugar by Kimberly Stuart

Rating: WARTY!

Ready to move beyond an assistant role, pastry chef Charlie agrees to work at her ex’s restaurant" where she'll be an assistant.... "...things take a surprising turn when she learns they’ll be the subject of a reality show!" - none of which actually have a single thing in common with reality. Another pie-crust promise of a blurb. Barf.

Pretty Little Liars by Sara Shepard

Rating: WARTY!

"Five friends formed the clique that ruled the school - until their leader, Alison, went missing. Now, mysterious notes may bring old secrets to light." Nothing new or original here. The missing "Alison" was really her twin Courtney. This is neither the first nor the last time the tedious twin ruse has been used. Yawn. And that cover illustration - of the anorexic girl? Is this really the example we want to set? Barf.

A-List F*ck Club by Charlie Hart aka Frankie Love

Rating: WARTY!

Callahan works as a bartender at an exclusive, anonymous adult club — no one knows he’s really the owner. But when innocent virgin Juliana shows up, she’s everything he ever wanted… and he’ll do whatever it takes to have her for his own!" Including rapong her or otherwise pressuring her into bed, because novels like this are pure, adulterated shit. Women are to be possessed and used. They have no value or worth other than their virginity. This is pornography at its worst.

Spectacular Stories for Curious Kids by Jesse Sullivan

Rating: WARTY!

"Explore 100 fascinating, fun, and true tales that span history, science, entertainment, and more! From accidental inventions and the sandwich that started a war...." Sorry, but that's a lie. A sandwich did not start a war. The killer of the Archduke Ferdinand was waiting where he should have been. It was the Archduke's motorcade that went the wrong way; instead of taking an alternate route, the idiot driver followed the expected route and Princip was right there, waiting and able to successfully murder the man. This 'sandwich' story is post-hoc bullshit. No wonder they're giving this book away for free!

Star Trek The Wrath of Khan by Vonda N McIntyre

Rating: WARTY!

The crew of the Enterprise are tossers. That's why the original series is commonly referrred to as TOS. The book blurb is happy to skirt the fact that James Tiberiasshole Kirk caused the whole problem with Khan in the first place. "...it’s up to James Kirk, Mr Spock, and the stalwart crew of the Enterprise to save the day — and the galaxy!" Ri-ight, because there's no one anywhere in the entire galaxy that can fix this except for James Trump. I mean why not call thim that? His arrogance is unsurpassed. He has zero clue how to delegate. He speaks in weird disjointed sentences and insists his mangled words are law. He has no qualms about taking advantage of every woman who comes his way, like she owes him. Donald Trump and James Kirk are the same! I see no differences between them.

Spock is the dumbest character onboard since he consistently fails to grasp human idiosyncrasy and foibles despite having been among them for literally decades and despite repeatedly (and tediously) demonstrating an encylopedic knowledge of Earth and its history. Mary Sue McCoy is the best doctor in the galaxy despite himself being an asshole in the way he treats people. But at least he can look at a glowstick and diagnose any condition and treat it. Except of course when it comes to a Klingon depsite having known this race his entire career. Scott never was an engineer. He was a sorcerer who could magically fix anything on an impossible schedule. Uhura is a sex bomb in a mini-skirt, and part-time telephone operator who can 'put you through now' and that's pretty much it. It's a tragedy that someone charity-dropped into a token minority role like that would be the one to inspire so many other minority females that they too, could be eye candy. Yawn.

Mistress of the Art of Death by Diana Norman, aka Ariana Franklin

Rating: WARTY!

In this “vibrant medieval mystery” (The New York Times).

Lie! What the NYT said was "vibrant tapestry of medieval life." Close, but no cigar, and now we know the book blurb is a lie from the off! In a time when women were possessions, we're expected to believe that "forensics expert Adelia is hired by King Henry II to solve a series of murders in Cambridge. Can she unravel the truth before the killer strikes again?" Who cares? And why would the king give a shit about some murders in Cambridge when he's fully occupied trying to fight wars and rule his unruly children? Henry 2.0 didn't even trust his own wife despite her delivering him eight kids - in her thirties yet, and including five heirs (those would be the sons, because the daughters, being female, were fit only for marriage alliances, recall). He's sure as hell not going to hire a woman to do anything important except spread her legs for him. Given that there were only about 2,000 people living in Cambridge in those years, it hardly required anyone other than the local authority to police the place! Yawn. Since Norman died a decade ago, she's not going to get a penny of the sale price from this book.

Bullet Rain by Robert Swartwood

Rating: WARTY!

"For fans of Jack Reacher" That lets me out. I'm not a fan of any novel that has a main character given the pathetically unimaginative name of 'Jack'. "Free from his job as a government hit man," Right, because the government employs a shit ton of those. "Nova sets off on a cross-country odyssey." Nova? Seriously? "When misfortune strands him in the Nevada desert, he’ll stumble into a tiny town hiding untold dangers." and yeah, we get it, a bullet rain. The title alone is enough to shut this one down. Barf.

Deuce Mora Mystery Series Vol. 1–3 by Jean Heller

Rating: WARTY!

"Whether it’s human trafficking or local corruption, Chicago journalist and sleuth Deuce Mora is determined to uncover criminal activity" Yawn. This series is apparently set in modern times, but it seems like it's a century late. And Deuce? Honestly? Barf. Anyone want to give odds it's written in first person?

Left for Dead by Paul J Teague

Rating: WARTY!

"In a last attempt to repair their crumbling marriage, Charlotte and Will return to the seaside resort where they met as teenagers. But visiting a scene from their past also brings up terrible memories — ones that they had hoped to bury forever." So why the fuck go back there? This tells me that both Charlotte and Will are dumb-fucks who deserve each other. Problem solved. Barf.

Wanted by J Kenner

Rating: WARTY!

"Angelina Raine" Seriously? Why not go the whole hog and call her Goldie Raine? "...craves the one man she can’t have — but she can’t resist temptation forever. Is she ready to enter bad boy Evan Black’s passionate world?" Who honestly gives a shit? This bad boy motif is tired and pathetic. This mythology of the virginal innocent woman and the bad boy who 'educates' her is misogynistic and needs rejection. And 'Angelina' in a novel titled after the movie Angelina Jolie starred in? Really?

Trouble in Paradise by Robert B Parker

Rating: WARTY!

"Paradise police chief Jesse Stone goes up against master criminal James Macklin, who has assembled a crack team to loot an exclusive and wealth-laden island." Happily, they're so addicted to crack that they're useless, and the police find they have nothing to do. Seriously - yet another story where the main character has one of those hard-bitten names like 'Stone', 'Steele' or 'Cage'? Get a life.

The Empowered Ones: Books 1 & 2 by MS Olney

Rating: WARTY!

When Elian discovers he possesses new magical abilities, he must team up with a ragtag group of rebels" stop right there. Any blurb that has 'ragtag', 'quirky', or 'misfit' in the wording is an automatic reject. And what's with the fucking cloaks and hoods? Seriously? And why must he team up with anyone? Never mind. Don't answer that, I don't care!

The Forger's Daughter by Bradford Morrow

Rating: WARTY!

Here's another one - The ____'s daughter, but at least this has the distinction of not being written by a female author, so I guess that's something. "When a legendary manuscript arrives at his house along with a list of demands, former literary forger Will must take up his illegal craft once more and create the perfect forgery of Edgar Allan Poe’s Tamerlane" because there's no way in hell that going to the police ever solved anything.

The Butcher’s Daughter by Wendy Corsi Staub

Rating: WARTY!

"Searching for a detective’s missing daughter leads genealogist Amelia to the vicious descendant of a famous killer" Title taken from a Demi Moore movie and once again dismissing a female character as a guy's appendage. Way to go!

Love Unexpected by Marina Hanna

Rating: WARTY!

"Jules shares a kiss with a mysterious stranger who walks away — and when she shows up at her new job, she’s shocked to find out he’s her boss. Adam doesn’t do relationships, but Jules is irresistible… and their" relationship is entirely inappropriate, but since when has that stopped female authors from normalizing this horseshit, like it's perfectly fine, ordinary, and acceptable to put a woman in this position? And yet again conflating sex with love? barf.

Memory of Water by Emmi Itäranta

Rating: WARTY!

The title alone is sufficient to warn anyone off this story, before we even consider the dumb blurb: "In a bleak future world, Noria is a tea master’s apprentice — and one of very few who know the location of a precious water source." Yep! It's the fucking ocean. Yawn. But don't worry about all those thousands dying horribly of thirst. We have tea to make....

Faking It by Riley Hart, Devon McCormack

Rating: WARTY!

"When near-strangers Gary and Travis are mistaken for a couple, they decide to keep up the ruse to annoy Gary’s ex and impress Travis’s investors." The title is from the MTV show about a couple faking their relationship, and the most amazing thing about this cookie-cutter retread of a novel is that it took two people to clone a story that has been told quite literally scores of times before. There is literally not a single thing that's new here except the authors' names.

Fire Starter by P Anastasia

Rating: WARTY!

Isn't that Stephen King's title? "Alice’s normal teenage life is upended when a dying alien race chooses her to preserve their bioluminescent DNA." Evidently the author doesn't get that bioluminescence requires two things: luciferin (or something similer) and an enzyme which triggers the bioluminescence using the luciferin, typically called luciferase. It makes zero sense to talk of bioluminescent DNA. What would be the point? "As she struggles to keep her secret hidden, she must contend with unexpected romance" Ri-ight, because she's quite literally the only one on planet Earth who did notexpect there to be a romance. barf.

Apple Orchard Mysteries Books 1–10 by Chelsea Thomas

Rating: WARTY!

When heartbroken Chelsea ditches the city for her family’s sprawling apple orchard, she’s ready to spend her days relaxing with plates of warm pie… but then a dead body is picked from the trees! Follow Chelsea and her aunt, Miss May, as they solve a bushel of mysteries in this complete box set." Why not call her Granny Smith and be done with it? This heartbroken 'fleeing waif' motif is such a tired trope. I'll bet the author has no idea that the word 'bushel' comes from a French term meaning "little box" and so it particularly à propos for this box set, but there isn't a box anyway so what does it matter?

The Book of Life by Deborah Harkness

Rating: WARTY!

"As enemies loom, witch Diana Bishop" cuts the cloth they produce "and vampire Matthew Clairmont" fashions it into bespoke clothing. What a joy. And nary a werewolf in sight. Barf.

The Roosevelt Conspiracy by Matt James

Rating: WARTY!

"When a mysterious letter written by Theodore Roosevelt is discovered, former Delta operator Jack Reilly" Stop right there. Jack is the most boring name ever. It's been done to death squared, and still idiot writers can't find the wherewithal to come up with a better name. Nor can they, it seems, get away from the abject worship of ancient US history. Yawn. Just once in a while wouldn't it be nice to get something new, fresh, and original, with a decent main character whose name isn't retreaded from countless action adventure novels that preceded this one? And a sensible plot that isn't tied to some discovery from USA antiquity? Or is it just me?

Seven Unholy Days by Jerry Hatchett

Rating: WARTY!

Jerry Hatchett? Really? Isn't that just a little bit too much like Terry Pratchett? I mean it's exactly the same spelling except for the three leading letters! We're told that this "Will leave readers breathless and flipping pages long into the night… Not to be missed!" No! It's to be avoided like the plague! I'd be flipping pages off. "When a cyberattack plunges America into darkness," even in the daytime! "Matt Decker works fast to track down and stop the hacker — before he can carry out a diabolical plan." Because a heavenly plan is just not realistic.... Yawn. Another Hatchett job.

Locked On by Tom Clancy, Mark Greaney

Rating: WARTY!

"[Clancy] at top of his game" - shows what the Chicago Tribune knows! LOL! "Presidential nominee Jack Ryan..." stop right there at 'Jack' I'm out of here.

A Dying Fall by Elly Griffiths

Rating: WARTY!

Another amateur meddler: "When archaeologist Ruth Galloway hears of an old friend’s sudden death in a house fire," she considers herself eminently qualifed to solve this, and summarily tells the arson investigator to fuck off. "...she works to uncover the truth behind his demise" which turns out to be smoke inhalation. The guy had heard it was a crack house, so he set fire to it and tried to inhale. "...and the recent discovery that made him fear for his life" which was that his smoke alarm wasn't working. Solved.